Текст книги "Black Number Four"
Автор книги: Kandi Steiner
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
I have no idea what I’m doing.
I always have my stuff together. I’m confident. I’m sexy. I’m Skyler fucking Thorne, damnit! I play boys. Boys do not play me. Kip got to me today and I just let him know that by word vomiting inside the cab. I held myself together, regardless of throwing the tournament. He didn’t know why, it could have been anything, but now he knows it was him.
He holds power over me. It kills me to admit that, but it’s true. For whatever reason, he rattles my cage and, as far as he knows, it doesn’t make sense. I’m supposed to be about Adam – that was the game plan. Whether I’m really into him or not, that was my role to play. I’m not supposed to care about Kip yet I just proved that everything I said to him at the dance was complete bullshit.
Fuck my life.
“Skyler!” Kip calls after me but I keep my pace. He yells my name again as I jog up the stairs and reach his door, tugging on the handle violently with no result. It’s locked, of course, because this is South Florida and you’d be an idiot not to lock your apartment. I cross my arms and wait, debating whether I should just make a break for it and call a cab but I don’t know if he’s bluffing about calling Lacy or not and that’s not a bet I’m willing to make.
“Just open the damn door.” I cut him off before he can start in as he reaches me. He huffs and shoves his key in the lock, swinging the door open and letting me in first before closing and locking it behind him again.
“What the fuck, Skyler?” He throws his keys on the small table by his couch before running his fingers through his hair. “Why are you mad at me? You wanted this, didn’t you? We’re friends, you have Adam and I’ve moved on. I haven’t made this weird. I didn’t hold what happened against you and I didn’t make shit awkward. I moved on and you got what you wanted because clearly Adam wants you. I see him texting you every fucking day and he’s always talking about you. This is it. You asked for this. So why does it matter who I’m fucking?”
I swallow hard, his words sinking deep in my gut and taking my breath with them. I assumed before, but now I know it’s true. He’s had sex with Erin. I’m not allowed to care, but I do.
Instinctively, I wrap my arms around my stomach and take a deep breath to keep from throwing up. I pull my eyes from the floor and meet his. He’s standing across the room from me, arms outstretched now, his chest heaving with rugged breaths as the muscles move under his light green t-shirt. His blue eyes are wild and darker in the soft light coming from the kitchen. He looks beautiful and dangerous and I know without a second thought that he truly is both.
“Let’s just drop it, okay Kip?” I plead, hoping he’ll head my words and just let it go. “Let’s just talk about the tournament and then we can both go to sleep and clear our heads.”
“No. Fuck that.” He spits the words out violently, shaking his head. He takes a few steps toward me and I back into the wall. “I don’t know what fucking game you’re playing but I’m calling it tonight. Why do you care about me and Erin?”
“Kip, please,” I beg, my lip quivering against my will. I bite both lips between my teeth and look up to the ceiling like I’ll find refuge there, but nothing comes.
He moves closer and my breaths quicken along with my heartbeat. “You broke me that night, Skyler.” He taps his fist on his chest lightly, his eyes intensifying. “Everything I felt between us, everything I know is here, you told me it didn’t exist. And you know what? I knew it was bullshit. I knew it. The words were coming from your lips and it was your eyes I was looking into as each one slammed into me, but it wasn’t you I was hearing. So, now’s your chance to tell me – why do you care?”
I shake my head, tears blurring my vision but I keep my eyes wide, refusing to let them fall. Kip takes another step, his chest just inches from mine now. “Was it Erin?” He waits for me to respond but I just breathe. In and out. Inhale and exhale. One lone tear breaks free and slides down my cheek, burning a scar in its wake. It might be an invisible scar, but I’ll feel this tear forever. And that’s the thing about scars. They’re like skid marks on the highway. No one slows down enough to see the painful proof that something happened. But the road? The road will always remember. The road can’t forget, no matter how many times it’s repaved.
“Was it?” Kip asks again, his breath sweet as it escapes his lips. “Or was it that you were starting to feel something, too? I know you, Skyler. I know who you pretend to be in front of all these people.” He gestures with his hand toward the school. “And I know who you really are. I know the you who doesn’t fit in because you were never meant to. You were born to stand out. You want to pretend like you’re untouchable and nothing can faze you with those people? Play around with a few frat boys, dress up in frilly dresses and keep your reputation? Fine.” His breaths are coming even harder now. “But don’t sit here and feed me that bullshit. I see you, Skyler. I. See. You.” Kip’s hands find my arms and he slides them up over my shoulders and grabs my face gently, keeping my eyes on his as the tears continue to spill over, falling down the same path as the first, deepening the scar. “Why do you care?”
“I,” the word leaves my mouth quietly, just above a whisper. “I don’t.”
“Liar.”
I lick my bottom lip and look up again, desperately trying to hold it together. My entire body is shaking as my eyes find his again.
“I don’t want to.”
Kip shakes his head. “But you do. This is a no-limit game, Skyler. Neither of us went into it thinking we would be here but now we’ve got everything on the table because we’re both too stubborn to give in. I raise, you call. You raise, I call. Back and forth, always in this fucking game. You want to win? Fine, take it. Take everything I have but I’m not the one who’s going to walk away the real loser. If you don’t wake up and realize what you’re feeling – what we’re feeling – is real, then it’s you I feel sorry for. It’s you who loses.”
He spins quickly, throwing his hands up and letting them rest on his head as he faces the door. I close my eyes and wipe at the tear stains, holding back the sob threatening to escape. He’s right. We are in a game. If he knew everything I’ve done to play this hand, he would hate me. Which is why I can’t tell him.
But I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t pretend I don’t want him.
“I care,” I say quietly, weakly, sniffling a little. “I’ve cared about you for so long. I care that I hurt you, I care that even though I did, you still stick around, and yes.” I stand up straight, pulling my back from the wall. “I care that Erin was here. That she was in your bed. Because I don’t want anyone else in your bed but me. I don’t want anyone else in your arms but me. I want to be the only girl in your head when you wake up and I…” My face contorts, the emotions too real. “I was petrified, okay? I thought if I told you I wanted Adam, you would leave me alone. I thought you’d be pissed off and you’d be out of my life completely and I wouldn’t have to worry about feeling this. And on the beach? I actually wanted you to be with Erin. It made sense. I figured that was your plan all along.” He scoffs at that and I shake my head. “No, I’m serious. It makes sense. Compared to her, I’m nothing, and I was happy for you. At least, that’s what I told myself. But I don’t know what to do, Kip, because I do care about you. But I can’t.”
“Why?” He turns to face me again, his eyes even wilder than before.
“It’s complicated,” I say, and it is. It is so fucking complicated.
He lets out a frustrated sigh before moving toward me again. “I didn’t have sex with Erin, Skyler. I don’t want Erin. It’s you I want.” He doesn’t stop this time, his strides long and purposeful and soon I’m backed into the wall again, his body pressed against mine. “And less than three weeks ago, you stood in that shower and told me you wanted me, too. So stop being scared, stop caring what other people think, and for once in your life, take what you want.”
Before I have time to think, I slam my mouth onto his, heeding his words. He’s right. I crave him, whether I’m allowed to or not. And even though I know it’s not right, I want him. Right now.
The instant our lips meet, the electricity that’s been building between us sparks and catches fire, burning every inch of my skin with the need to be closer to him. Kip’s hands find my ass and he lifts me quickly before pinning me against the wall, the force taking my breath for a moment. My fingers claw at his shirt, the breaths heavy in my chest as the hunger builds to an impossible level. He pulls it over his head effortlessly and lets it fall to the ground before his eyes meet mine. I see the questions, the uncertainty, the wonder if he’s going to wake up to an empty bed again. And right now, I can’t promise him anything, so I don’t speak. And he doesn’t push. We both know what this is and what it isn’t, and that’s enough.
I grab the bottom of my hoodie and pull it over my head, taking my small tank top with it. Kip’s eyes fall to my chest and I feel his hard on between my hips. Moaning at his reaction to me, I grab his neck and pull his mouth to mine again. The first time Kip touched me, I was caught off guard. I was timid and afraid and overwhelmed with guilt. Now, I still know it’s wrong, but I don’t care. I don’t feel ashamed. I don’t feel guilty. I just feel… alive.
Kip thrusts his hips into me, kissing his way down my neck. When he bites down, a sharp and pleasurable pain shocks my body and I moan again.
“Fuck, Skyler,” Kip growls, his scruff against my skin causing me to shiver. “If you keep making noises like that, this is going to be over before it even starts.” Our breaths are hard, our skin slick with sweat. “Hang on, let me grab something,” he says, starting to drop me to the floor.
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around his neck tighter. “I’m on the pill.”
Kip groans, shaking his head and kissing me hard. “Thank fuck.”
He pulls me in his arms and moves us quickly to the couch, throwing me down as he towers over me. I lean up and make quick work of the button on his jeans before tugging them down and over his hips. They fall to the floor and Kip hides nothing behind his cotton boxers. Slowly, I run my hands up his thighs and palm him through the fabric, his head falling back as a deep groan escapes his throat. Moving my fingertips to the band just below his waistline, I tug them down and his erection springs free, sending a warm pulse of need between my thighs. My eyes find his again as I move my lips to his head, slowly swirling my tongue around the tip before running it along his length.
“Fuck,” he whispers, dragging out the word. I take it as my cue and suck harder. He curses again as I pull him all the way into my mouth, feeling myself grow wetter at the taste of him. I want to devour him completely, to banish every other woman from his memory with my mouth. If there’s one thing I do better than poker, it’s blow jobs – and judging by the sounds coming from Kip right now, I’ve still got it.
Grabbing his ass in both hands, I pull him into me forcefully, his dick hitting the back of my throat. He curses louder this time and pulls out quickly before lifting me to my feet. I smile up at him wickedly, licking my lips and wiping the corners with my fingers.
He runs the pad of his thumb along my bottom lip, shaking his head. “You know exactly what you can do with this mouth of yours, don’t you?” Slowly, he runs his hand down the front of my body before tucking his fingertips in the band of my jeans. “Take these off.”
I do as he says, kicking them to join the rest of our clothes piling up around us. Before I have the chance to look at him again, his mouth finds mine and his hand slips beneath the lacy fabric of my panties. He dips two fingers inside me quickly and I moan against his lips, my legs weakening at the touch.
“I’ve got some talents of my own, you know.” He grins, working his fingers. His palm rubs against my clit and I feel my breath shortening, my body dangerously close to the edge of release. Kip uses his free hand to unclasp my bra and sends it flying across the room, palming my breast as he continues his assault. “Goddamn, you are so fucking wet, Sky.”
Desperate, my hands find his cock again and I move in time with his. Our breaths mingle together, both of us wide-eyed as the heat builds. Suddenly, Kip removes his fingers and spins me around, using his palm to push my upper back down and bend me over the couch. His hands run down my hips and over my ass, hooking my panties with his fingers and pulling them down to just above my knees before letting them fall. I look back at him, completely exposed in this position as he kisses the backs of my thighs.
Gripping himself in one hand, he uses the other to slide a finger inside me again. I bite my lip and let my head fall back and he quickly withdraws and grabs my hair instead, tugging it with force. I feel him position himself at my entrance and my breath catches, my body anxious to feel him inside me. I arch my back and push my ass against him, the tip of his dick just barely slipping inside me and I hiss as he tugs my hair again, gripping it in his fist.
“I’m going to take you, Skyler. But I need you to know that once I do, I’m going to own you. You’re going to be mine. This game between us? The rules are going to change.”
“Take me,” I whisper, the words leaving my lips before I have the chance to decide if I mean them or not.
“Is that what you want?” He tugs my hair a little more, his lips by my ear now. I feel his breath hot on my skin and chills race down my body.
“Take me, Kip. Now.”
He growls against my skin and bites down on my neck before pushing inside me. I cry out as he fills me again and again, my fists gripping the sofa as the pleasure pulses through me. Kip releases my hair, his hands trailing down my back before gripping my hips. He slams into me harder, pushing deeper as my orgasm builds.
“God, you’re so beautiful, Skyler,” Kip breathes, his breath strained. “So fucking sexy.” I don’t even attempt to hide my moans now and they ring out in his apartment, the sounds echoing off the walls as we move. He leans down and palms my breasts in his hands, pulling me up and against him. Moving slower now, he kisses my neck as his hand falls to my clit. He applies just a little pressure but it shoots straight through me, my entire body igniting at the touch. I moan louder, my breaths uneven until he finally pushes me over the edge. His mouth finds mine and I moan into his lips as I come, my legs shaking against him. Waves of heat roll through me and every sense is dulled, my orgasm owning me completely.
“That was so fucking hot,” Kip says, kissing down my neck before flipping me over. He grabs my hips and lifts them to meet his before pushing into me again. He’s even deeper now, my hips elevated as he pounds into me. His eyes cascade over every inch of my body as if he can’t get enough of me, as if he’s never seen anything he’s wanted more. I’ve never felt so needed than from the way he’s looking at me now. He palms my breasts, pushing into me once more before he releases. His eyes roll back and I drag my nails down the muscles flexed in his arms as he comes inside me, our bodies trembling together.
I reach up and pull him down on top of me, kissing him hard as we come down from the high. Our breaths begin to even out and the weight of the night folds in on us. Kip wraps me tighter in his arms, pulling me into his chest as if he feels it, too. As if he’s trying to protect us from the inevitable reality we have to return to.
My fingertips slowly run the length of his abs and chest, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. He runs his fingers through my hair and we both think, nervous to say anything out loud.
“Kip,” I start, but he pulls me in tighter, shaking his head.
“Not tonight, Skyler. Just… let’s not ruin tonight.”
I nod, nuzzling into him more. We know that when the sun rises, it’ll shed light on everything the darkness consumed tonight. Silently, we consider what that means.
We both know what this is and what it isn’t.
But the question remains – can we live with that, or is it time to change the rules?
“Wake up,” a voice says. I stir a bit, the soft sound of rain pattering against the window as I stretch. Soft lips touch my shoulder and my eyes flutter open. I smile as Kip kisses up my neck to just behind my ear, my entire body coming alive at the touch.
“Mornin’,” he says, pulling back and resting on an elbow. The shadows from the rain on the window dance over his skin and I stare in awe, mesmerized by his effortless beauty.
Suddenly, it hits me.
Everything that corresponded between us last night flashes through my head and I feel my eyes grow wide. Kip’s eyebrows draw together and he sits up as I pull the sheets higher, covering myself, my eyes darting around the room for my clothes.
“Don’t do that,” he says softly, shaking his head. “Don’t look at me like you just made a mistake.” I try to make my face change, to relax my breathing, to find the calm that I had last night but I can’t. Kip’s expression looks pained as he rolls to the other side of the bed, his feet hitting the floor. He runs his hands through his hair. “Fuck, Skyler.”
“No, wait, just.” I lean up, relieved when I realize I’m wearing his shirt and I’m not naked like I thought. Slowly, I crawl over to Kip, tucking my hands under his arms to place them on his chest as I plant small kisses on his back. He stiffens at first, but each kiss unties the knots of tension just a little more. “I’m sorry. I don’t regret last night. I don’t.”
It’s true, I don’t regret it, but I still know that I should. Erin is one hundred percent into Kip and falling faster than the first time and I had sex with him. Worse than that, it wasn’t a one time thing. I knew it last night, Kip knew it, too – and we both know it right now. Something changed last night. The presidency aside, my relationship with all my sisters is at risk now. I broke girl code.
And I just wish I was sorry about it.
I pull away, sighing as I move to sit next to him. “I don’t know what to do,” I admit, glancing over at him.
He turns to me, worry still laden on his face as if he’s battling with his own guilt. Maybe he does care about Erin? Or maybe there’s something else behind those furrowed brows.
“If I told you I was an asshole, that I’m going to end up hurting you and this is all going to end just as fucked up as it started, would you hate me? Would you leave?”
I bite my lip, the bluntness of his words slamming into me like a club. “Am I stupid if I tell you I don’t think it’s possible for me to hate you?” He sighs, as if he knew I’d answer that way and it makes him hate himself even more. I shrug, leaning down to look into his eyes again. “I already tried.”
His hand finds mine and for a few moments we just sit there, staring ahead and letting the rain pour down outside. Finally, Kip speaks again. “I’m going to call things off with Erin.”
I nod, feeling a little shitty but mostly relieved. I don’t want him to be with Erin. “We still need to keep this a secret for a while,” I say, gently rubbing his fingers between mine. “I think after a while, Erin and my sisters and just everyone in general will be okay with us being together. But right now, it’s going to be too obvious. Erin would know we hooked up when you were together. She would hate me. Everyone would hate us.”
“I’m not with her, not the way you’re putting it, anyway. I’m going to make that clear to her, too,” Kip says quickly, turning to face me. “And why does it matter what everyone else thinks?” He’s saying the words like he wants us to be together now, but there’s still something in his eyes that tells me he’s not sure that’s what he wants, either.
“It’s not that easy, Kip. They’re my sisters and I’m in line to be the president next year. I can’t lead a sorority of girls who don’t trust me.” My eyes fall to the floor. “Plus, Erin is my Big. We’ve had some issues this year but I love her, I don’t want to hurt her.”
Kip nods, sighing as he reaches out and pulls me into him. “I know, I’m sorry. You’re right. Laying low for a while is a good idea. I’m sure Adam would be pissed, too. You need to figure out what to say to him.”
I roll my eyes. “Ugh, I don’t know how he hasn’t gotten the clue yet. I’ve barely spoken to him. He texts me every minute of the day, it feels like.”
At that, a smile curls on Kip’s face. “Is it bad that I kind of look forward to seeing his face when he realizes you’re with me?” I nudge him playfully and he pulls me in tighter, laughing. “Just saying, he thinks you played me to get him back. It’s going to be sweet revenge to prove that assumption incorrect.”
I roll my eyes again and Kip pulls me back onto the bed quickly, wrapping his arms around me. I laugh and push at his shoulders but give in too easily, not really wanting to get away from him in the first place. His smile fades slowly and his eyes search mine as he moves a strand of fallen hair from my face. There’s a storm brewing in those blue eyes of his, but I can’t figure out if I should be afraid or excited for the rain to pour.
“Stay with me today,” he says, leaning up on one elbow. I nod in response and he leans down again, pressing his lips to mine. The rain sounds softer now, replaced by the internal buzz I feel when Kip kisses me. I’ve decided he’s one of those kissers who really takes his time. He runs his hands through my hair and moves his lips slowly against mine, his tongue sweeping in at the perfect time to cause my breath to catch. He touches my face, my neck, my lower back. When it’s natural, he catches my bottom lip between his teeth, tugging just enough to make my stomach flip. Kip kisses me like I’m a goddess, like he’s lucky to even be near me, let alone with his lips on mine.
And with Kip, I feel like a goddess.
Beautiful.
Invincible.
Immortal.
But the truth is, I’m not a goddess. I can break. I know that, and yet I’m still here, wrapped in the arms of the one who could shatter me into pieces.
I guess I should start praying now.
