Текст книги "Black Number Four"

Автор книги: Kandi Steiner

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

My head is still throbbing as I shuffle slowly downstairs, my fingers kneading my temples methodically. I wish I could say I had a hangover, that my headache was alcohol-induced, but unfortunately the three beers I had last night have nothing to do with this pain. I was up late – too late – thinking about Kip.

Shocker, I know.

Last night was supposed to be easy, but it wasn’t. I held him at a distance, but I know it’s not going to last for long. He sees it. I don’t know how or why, but he sees my poker face and he’s going to call me on my bluff. That has never happened to me before, not with anyone.

And it sure as hell can’t happen now.

To make things even peachier, the damn paparazzi are hunting for photos of me again. Most of the year, I can fly under the radar. I’m one of the few players still in school and they respect school property and my age. For the most part, anyway. With the tournament getting closer, I should have known this shit would start.

When I saw the article pop up on the tournament website this morning, it made me sick. I hate the perception of female players. It’s always about how hot we are or who we’re screwing, never about how well we play the game. It’s stupid and offensive, but clearly it’s not changing. Now, not only am I submitting Kip to this twisted game of Erin’s, but I’m feeding him to the wolves that are greasy photographers on a mission.

I can’t do this.

When I round the corner into the kitchen, my fingers still working my temple, I stop dead in my tracks at the sight of my Big. She’s standing at the counter, hands clasped around a mug of steaming liquid, hair falling all around her face. Slowly, she lifts her eyes to mine. They’re swollen and puffy and my stomach sinks because I know I’m the reason they look that way. And I’m probably about to make it worse.

Because I can’t do this anymore. I can’t play this game. I want to be with Kip and not as a game for her. For me.

“Hot chocolate?” She lifts the mug slightly, shrugging her shoulders.

I prop my ass up on the counter. “I think I need something stronger.”

Erin smiles, but it’s a faint smile. Silently, she turns to the cupboard and grabs another mug, starting a cup of coffee on the Keurig. “It’s funny, you know. Parents. Kids. The whole relationship that exists there.”

I listen as the coffee machine works, chewing on her words. “I’m not sure I’m following, Big.”

She sighs, running her hands through her hair. Maybe I’m not the reason her face is tear-stained, after all.

Not completely, anyway.

“I mean we grow up looking up to our parents. We envy them, build our dreams and our goals around who they are or who they aren’t. But do we ever really make them happy? Or proud? They say we do, but would they really tell us if we failed them?”

She hands me the mug once the coffee finishes pouring in. I hold it between my hands and let the steam waft up to my nose, warming it from the chilly morning air. “I don’t think we can fail them,” I finally say. “I think just by existing, we make them proud. They see themselves in us.”

Erin scoffs, shaking her head as she takes another sip from her cup. “All my parents see when they look at me is a blurred, imperfect reflection of what they wish I was. I feel it. They don’t say it, but their eyes do. They’re ashamed of me.”

Why on earth would anyone be ashamed of Erin? She’s gorgeous, intelligent, and president of the best sorority on campus. She has her shit together.

“I know, right?” Erin shakes her head as if she’s heard my thoughts. “It doesn’t make sense, does it? Most parents would be proud of me, I guess. But then again, most parents didn’t dream of their baby girl growing up and getting a MRS degree and banging a rich lawyer or doctor or whatever. You would think I shot a puppy by telling them I’d rather be a lawyer than marry one.”

We both sip quietly for a few minutes, no other sounds but the clinking of china on countertop and the occasional slurp from our lips. Thumbing the handle of my mug, I lift my eyes to my Big’s. “Ex, you have nothing to be ashamed of and your parents are crazy if they don’t see the amazing things you’re doing for this campus, this sorority, and for yourself. They come from old money, they’re not used to a world where a woman wants to be educated simply because she can be. You’re too smart and too damn talented to get married and sit at home. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s not your style. Could you imagine that? You would go bat shit crazy. You can’t even sit in your pajamas for a full day!”

At that, we both giggle and Erin sniffles a little. “You have to say that,” she says, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie. “You’re my little nugget of sunshine.” Her hair is stringy from the wind last night, her mascara smeared. She looks like hell, and Erin never looks anything less than amazing. I stare at her, the girl who took me in under her wing as a freshman. Hell, the entire reason I rushed KKB in the first place. She was everything I wanted to be – and that was as a freaking sophomore. Now, as a senior, she was more like a dream than something I could actually hope to attain. It killed me to see her this way, even with all the drama between us this semester.

“I don’t have to say anything,” I correct her. “Except the truth. And I mean it when I say you are the bomb dot com and your parents are insane if they don’t see that. They’ll come around and realize that your dreams are just a little different than what they had in mind but that it actually makes you even better than they could have ever imagined. Just wait until family weekend. When they come up here and see everything you’ve done for Kappa Kappa Beta and for Palm South as a whole, they’re going to lose their shit. In a good way. And your grades are off the charts. You’re going to get first pick of law schools and they’re going to brag to all their friends at the country club about their amazing daughter who’s not only drop dead gorgeous, but a lawyer, to boot.”

Erin smiles, her eyes watering, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Big this vulnerable. She crosses the kitchen and wraps me in a hug, resting her head on my shoulder. I gently stroke her hair as she squeezes me tight.

“I love you, Little. Thank you.”

“I’ll always be honest with you,” I say, pulling back and taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry about last night.”

Erin’s face turns, a stone cold hardness warping the fragile gentleness that was just there. I frown, hoping I’m reading too much into it.

“It’s okay. I know it’s part of it, it’s part of the game. It’s hard to watch, but I get it. You did good last night.”

“Thanks,” I mumble, uncomfortable. “But, I wanted to talk to you about it. I –”

“You know.” She cuts me off. “I knew this was a crazy plan when it first slipped out of my mouth that night in my room. In fact, that night I stayed up all night thinking about how crazy I was being. But then I realized that I couldn’t have had any better luck. I mean, how ironic that my Little just so happened to meet my first love and develop a connection with him? It was almost too perfect. And being that you’re the best damn poker player around, there literally is no better person for the job.”

“Ex, that’s just the thing. I’m not sure –“

“And you know what else?” She drops her mug in the sink and leans against it, hands braced on the counter. “I know it’s not just about the presidency for you. I know it’s because you care about me, because you know what I’m going through right now and you genuinely want to see me happy.”

The heat rushes to my cheeks and I fumble my mug a little, spilling a splash of coffee onto my sweater.

Holy hell.

She just opened up about everything to me on purpose. Not that we never talked before, but this was deliberate. It was a move. A bet. No, a raise. A legal move, but just barely.

My Big is an Angle Shooter.

She smiles, handing me a napkin and rubbing my arm with her hand as she stands. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Little. You know, for a second last night I thought you were actually into him. It was so convincing!” She sighs, laughing a little as she turns to leave. She stops short of the door and shakes her head. “But of course, that would be silly. I mean, what kind of relationship could you possibly have with him now? If he ever found out about the game, about the set up… I can’t even imagine what he’d think, how he’d feel.” She turns to look at me, smiling at her little joke, but I feel razors shooting from that curve of her lips. “He’d probably never talk to you again.”

I swallow hard. It’s not a joke, it’s not a hypothetical situation. This is a threat. A warning.

All I can do is nod, my eyes falling to the floor.

“Anyway,” she says, her hand waving in the air as she brushes the thought away. “I’m so excited for tonight. It’s going to be perfect! Come up to my room around four and we can all get ready together. And Little?”

I look back up at her, waiting.

“Thank you, for talking to me. You really are one of the best friends I have.” She smiles warmly, but a chill runs up my spine. As she turns and leaves me alone in the kitchen, a sickening realization runs through me.

There is no getting out of this game.

And there is no winning this game, either.

My chips are on the table. My heart is on the line.

And it will never be the same again.

The limo pulls up right on time and I stand as still as I can, sweaty palms and shaking legs, in a line of my sisters waiting in front of the house. I nervously chew my thumb nail as the guys start to pile out, all looking mind-blowing in their fitted tuxes, but I know they won’t be anything compared to Kip when he finally emerges.

Ashlei swats my hand away. “Don’t you dare mess up that perfect manicure I worked on all afternoon. What the hell are you so nervous about?” I glare at her before rolling my eyes and she nods. “Well, yeah, I guess there’s the whole calling things off with Kip thing. But you’ve been prepping for this, you’re going to be fine. You sowed the seed last night and tonight is the last time you have to worry about it. You got this, Sky.”

“Lei, I’m not ready. I can’t do this. I don’t think I’ll survive if I do.” I look to her, my eyes pleading. She sighs, rubbing my arm with her hand.

“I’m afraid there’s not much of a choice at this point, Sky. You have to survive. You have to be strong.”

Easy for her to say.

“Hey,” she offers, nudging me. “You look incredible in that dress. Just smile, have fun, and wait ‘til the end of the night to do what you have to do. No shame in enjoying yourself, right?” She winks and I smile a little. She’s right. Just because this is the last night I’m going to spend with Kip doesn’t mean I have to be miserable the entire time. What could be so bad about going out with a bang? My dress is killer, a sheer red that fades into red and silver glittery sequins at the bottom. It’s an elegant halter top cut high at the neck, but the back cuts into a wide heart. It’s long and beautiful and I feel amazing in it.

So why not just feel amazing for a little while longer?

“Jesus, Skyler.”

I jerk my head up and find Kip’s neon blue eyes staring back at me. While I was off in la la land, he found his way out of the limo and up to the house, and now he’s standing in front of me in a charcoal tuxedo and black vest. The only red he sports is a pair of cuff links and his tie, which is just enough to make us match and also pull out the sexiness in his suit. His hair is styled, a strange sight compared to his usual casual, wind-blown look, and he’s missing his glasses.

“I kind of wish you would have worn your specs,” I say without thinking.

He chuckles, a beautiful half grin spreading across his face. It makes my panties wet and my knees weak at the same time.

Oh Lord, help me.

“Sorry to disappoint,” he says, still grinning. “But you…” His eyes trail down my body, blazing a fire in their wake and my skin falls victim to a wave of goose bumps. He locks his eyes back on mine before finishing his sentence, “You are sensational, Skyler. I wish I could write words to capture how beautiful you look right now.”

Damn him and his artsy brain.

“All right, fuckers, let’s go,” Kade says, breaking the spell Kip has me in. I almost forgot we were in college, for a second. “I need to pre-game if I’m going to be with all you damn couples.”

“Amen,” my Little says and I laugh, following them to the limo. Kip takes my hand in his and lifts it to his lips, placing a casual kiss on my knuckles as we walk. It’s so simple, a small gesture, but I stare at that spot on my skin as we walk, feeling the tingling burn from where his lips were pressed against it. I want to remember this, the way it feels to have him here with me this way. Even if I’m not allowed to, I want to file this away in a mental photo album.

I blink my eyes. Click.

“You okay there, squints?” Kip asks, smiling sideways at me.

I shake my head, embarrassed. “I’m fine. Something in my eye.”

Okay, nerd, pull it together.

Kip gets in the limo after everyone else and takes the last seat, causing me to stand awkwardly waiting for them to somehow make room. He offers a goofy smile and pulls me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me as the driver shuts the door.

“What’s wrong, you going to act shy around me now?”

I flush red. “No. Maybe I didn’t want to sit on your lap, ever think of that?”

He looks a little hurt, his brows bunching together, but then he pulls me tighter and thrusts his hips up a little. I feel him through his pants, his hard on pressing into the fabric of my dress.

“Maybe I need you on my lap right now. Ever think of that?”

I swallow hard, turning to face him. His eyes are smoldering, hungry.

Kip leans forward, pressing his mouth against the sensitive skin behind my ear. “I can’t wait to get you out of this dress,” he whispers, his breath hot and husky.

Yep. And now there’s an ocean in my panties.

He pulls my mouth to his and kisses me hard, taking my breath away. Gently, he tugs my bottom lip between his teeth and moves to whisper in my ear again, “I love that fucking lip of yours.”

“Get a room!” Kade yells, throwing a balled up red napkin that hits Kip’s ear before falling into my lap. Kip laughs and tosses it back, but suddenly I’m all too aware of another set of eyes in the car.

Erin’s.

For the rest of the ride to the dance, I hold conversation with my sisters and ignore Kip, even when he lifts his hips a little to remind me he’s still there.

And holy hell, is he ever there.

When we finally arrive at the country club where the dance is being held, I climb out of the limo quickly, grabbing Kip’s hand and heading for the front door. My skin is hot, my breathing erratic. I need water before I pass out. No matter where I go tonight, no matter what I do, Erin’s eyes will be there. Watching me. Waiting for her cue.

I feel sick.

I stumble, my heel wobbling as my ankle turns on its side. Kip catches me in his arms, not letting me fall more than an inch.

“Whoa.” He steadies me, still holding me tight. “Are you okay?”

I nod, trying to fake a smile that won’t come. “I just need some water.”

Kip looks around before finding a waiter with a tray of drinks. He flags him down and grabs a tall, sweating glass of ice water. I pull it quickly to my lips and drink the entire glass.

“Skyler, are you sure you’re okay?” Kip asks again. Jess eyes me from across the room, a really cute Alpha Sig’s arm around her shoulder. She mouths the same question as Kip asks and I try to speak with my eyes, but I’m not sure what to tell them to say.

Hell no I’m not okay.

Yes, I’m fine, go back to your man friend.

Please, save me.

Really, it’s all good. I just needed some water.

Kill me now.

Kip grips my hands tighter, pulling my attention back to him. “Come with me,” he says, tugging me toward the side of the building. I follow, still shaking slightly. I need to pull my shit together. What the hell is happening? I have the best poker face in the game. Period.

So why is it failing me now?

Kip leads us to a small garden illuminated by small white lights strung from the trees. We find a bench and sit.

“Where’s my feisty poker girl?”

I sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well. I’m not sure what’s wrong. I’ll be fine, I think I just needed to sit down for a second.” I smile, hoping like hell he doesn’t see right through me.

Judging by the scrutiny on his face, I’m like fucking glass I’m so transparent.

He smiles, dropping my hands to reach inside his jacket. “I got you something,” he says, pulling out a long black box. It’s velvet, large. A necklace. Definitely a necklace.

“I didn’t get you anything,” I whine.

“Trust me.” He eyes me, his gaze leaving my eyes long enough to give me a once over. “You in that dress is present enough. And once I get you out of it, it’ll be the best fucking gift ever.”

I laugh and shove him playfully. “Who said you were getting me out of it, Romeo?”

“Ah! There she is! I thought I lost you.”

I punch him softly and he shakes his head, still smiling. Slowly, he holds the box in front of me and opens the lid. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Inside is a pair of sunglasses. Not just any pair, but a pair of red Ray Ban aviators with silver reflective lenses.

“Oh my God,” I say breathlessly, fingering the glasses.

Kip laughs, pulling them out and sliding them on my face. “I knew I could count on you to be the kind of girl who would get excited over new poker shades.” He pulls back, eying me. “They look good.”

Quickly, he grabs his phone and pulls up the camera, turning the lens to face me so I can see my reflection. They do look good, and they match my dress, which really makes me want to wear them all night. Maybe they will give me superpowers.

And with these glasses, you will possess the power to break all hearts except your own.

With great power comes great responsibility, right?

God, I’m a nerd.

“I love them,” I say, slowly taking them off so I can see Kip’s eyes better. “I really fucking love them.” I throw my arms around his neck and pull him close, burying my nose in his neck. I inhale him, committing his scent to memory. Body wash and wheat. And something else that I can’t quite place, like a new ink pen on freshly printed paper, if that is even a scent.

I’m going to miss this.

I’m going to miss him.

Kip pulls back, kissing my lips. “Good, I was hoping you would. Now,” he says, standing and holding his hand out to me. “Let’s go inside. As much as I want to take you and find an empty broom closet, we can’t waste that dress.”

“Would a dark enclosed space really be a waste?”

He contemplates, his eyes rolling up to the sky. “Touché, my friend. But alas, I demand at least one dance before we move to the closet.”

I laugh, placing my hand in his.

“Deal.”

“So do you see what I’m saying? He’s more difficult to read than my fucking biology books!” My Little huffs, shoving her lip gloss back in her clutch. I shake my head, fixing my mascara in the mirror.

“Take control, Little,” I say, rolling the brush over my lashes. “Kade is young. Hot, but young. If you want him, make a move.”

“Ugh.” she sighs. “I’m not you, Big. I can’t just make a move. I’m confident, but I’m also traditional. I want him to ask me.” I shrug and she watches me apply my mascara, sucking her lip between her teeth.

“Ask me whatever it is you want to ask me before you chew off your bottom lip,” I say, giving her a sideways grin.

“Are you and Adam still a thing? Like, when this thing is over with Kip… are you going to date him again?”

I tuck my mascara bottle into the small silver sequin purse I brought and turn to face her, confused. “What? No, not even close. Adam was fun last year and we’re still good friends, but he’s president and he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend. And even if he did, it wouldn’t be me.”

“Why?” She follows quickly.

I shrug. “I don’t know, I’m just not into him like that anymore.” My Little has never asked me about Adam, not even when I was dating him. Why the sudden interest? “Why do you ask?”

She shrugs, turning back to the mirror. “I don’t know, I was just curious. Just wondering if you’d have someone to fall back on, I guess.” She says the words, but I know Cassie well enough to tell when she’s hiding something, and she definitely is. Does Adam still have a thing for me? Has he talked to her about me?

Oh good God, that is one meatball of drama I do not need on my plate of tangled noodles right now.

Jess, Ashlei and Erin burst into the bathroom, laughing as they push through the crowd of girls standing between us and them.

“J-Love is D-Runk,” Ashlei says, still giggling.

“I am not!” Jess counters through laughter, but she slurs her words a little. “I’m just having fun. You should try it.”

“No Violet Vulva tonight, J-Love?” I ask, quirking a brow.

She holds up her index finger and waves it side to side. “Nope. Let’s just say there’s a little garden that’s not so innocent anymore.”

“Ew!” We all scream, but then burst into laughter. Even Erin is laughing and seems relaxed, which makes me feel comfortable enough to goof off. We’ve been dancing all night and she’s acting cool, even when she sees me and Kip together. Maybe I was imagining things this morning.

“Kip gave me a gift in that garden, you skank. You ruined my Valentine’s Day.”

Jess waves her hand. “Oh hush, I didn’t fuck on your precious glasses, you prude. Just on the bench where he gave them to you.”

I shove her playfully. “Bitch.”

“You love me.” She sticks out her tongue before her face falls completely serious. “I have to pee.” And with that, she’s stumbling to a stall.

“Speaking of Kip, how’s it going?” Ashlei asks, leaning against the wall to take pressure off her heels. I rub my palms against my dress and try to act cool.

“It’s fine. We’re having fun, everything is going according to plan.”

Liar.

Erin’s face has fallen, her lips narrowing into a thin line. “The dance is almost over. I think you should do it soon. Use Adam.”

“What?!” Cassie and I both say at the same time. I turn to look at her, but her mouth is open, jaw to the floor staring at her Grand Big.

“Why would I need to use Adam?” I ask, my eyes still on my Little as I speak sideways to Erin.

“It’s believable. It’s obvious Adam still has a thing for you, so tell Kip you have feelings for him, too. Tell him you were using him to make Adam jealous and it worked.”

I swallow hard, the sickening feeling returning to my stomach. After the garden, I felt amazing – Kip and I danced all night, snuck drinks from his flask and bought drinks when it was tapped out, fed each other chocolate dipped strawberries and practiced poker faces with my glasses. We were goofing off all night, people-watching and being us. And I liked us. I wanted there to be an us for just a little while longer.

But time is up. Ding! Dinner is served in the way of my heart on a silver platter.

Erin eyes me hard, not budging.

“Um, I need some fresh air. Good luck, Big. I love you.” Cassie bolts out of the bathroom before I have the chance to stop her.

What the fuck? Way to leave me hanging, Little!

“Who died?” Jess asks, drying her hands on a paper towel as she rejoins us, her eyes scanning our faces. Ashlei gives me a sad smile, shrugging her shoulders a little before answering.

“It’s time.”

My throat feels like sandpaper, each breath rubbing it raw as I try to swallow it down. Jess sobers slightly, her eyes finding mine. For a few moments, we just stand there, everyone’s eyes on me as I grip my purse tight, my knuckles whitening. Finally, Jess reaches out for my hand.

“Well, I guess there’s no better time for shots than now.”

She pulls me from the bathroom, Ashlei and Erin close behind. We head toward the bar and I scan the crowd until I find Kip. It’s like he was watching me the entire time, as if his eyes are trained to spot me like the missing puzzle piece he needs to complete his picture. He smiles, his teeth blazing against his tan skin as he watches me. My heart races, thumping against my ribs like an erratic bird in a cage. It hits hard against my bones, desperate to break free from me, the captor. I try to calm it down, to soothe it with words in my head, but the only words I have to offer are the ones I’ve recited. The ones I’m about to say to Kip.

My heart wants a divorce, and I don’t blame it.

I wish I could separate from me, too.