Текст книги "Black Number Four"
Автор книги: Kandi Steiner
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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
“Are you sure the heels aren’t too much? I’m still not sure what we’re doing and I want to appear nice but not eager,” Erin asks for the seventh time, twisting to view her slim frame from the side in her full length mirror again. I’m lying on her bed looking up at the ceiling and don’t even bother leaning up.
“Big, you look amazing. Trust me, don’t change anything.”
“I agree,” Cassie chimes in. “You’re killing it in those heels, G-Big. I don’t know how he’s going to keep his hands off you. Those shoes paired with those shorts make your legs look fantastic.”
A small pain aches in my stomach at the mention of Kip touching Erin, but I’m growing used to it. It’s kind of comforting, actually. At least I’m not numb. At least I feel something.
“Touché, Baby G.” Erin struts over to her dresser and snatches up a small clutch, stuffing it with lip gloss and her ID essentials. When she finishes, she drops down into the chair and stares down at her fingers nervously. “I’m scared for tonight. We’ve hung out all week and things have been amazing, but this is the first actual date we’ve been on since high school.”
There’s that sickening pain again.
I chew my lip, trying to find the strength inside to hold it together. I knew this was coming, but I guess in a way I didn’t think I really had to prepare for it. I knew I wouldn’t have Kip, but after hearing the way he talked about Erin, I didn’t think her plan would ever work out the way she wanted. I thought he would ignore all of us, go hang out with his brothers and let me hate myself in peace. Hell, there was even a part of me that thought maybe after Erin realized he wouldn’t be with her, she’d move on and I could start talking to him again. Not like he would ever want anything to do with me, but I could dream, right?
None of that mattered, though, because I was wrong. He’d waited a whole thirty-something hours before asking Erin out. And he did it in front of me. Maybe he wanted her all along.
Shit, was he the one playing me?
“Ex, I’m going to smack you so hard your Grand Little will feel it if you don’t quit,” I say, leaning up and forcing a smile to mask my true want to slap her right now. Yes, I know that makes me a shitty Little, but right now I’m in a strange place. “You look beautiful and clearly Kip is into you. He’s been with you all week and anytime you’re not together, your phone is going crazy with texts. He wants to see you and he’s going to have something amazing planned. So stop being crazy and start being excited.”
She smiles, moving to join Cassie and I on the bed. Wrapping me in a fierce hug, she says, “I love you so much, Little. Seriously, so much. I can’t believe what you did for me.” Erin pulls back, her hands still on my shoulders as she studies my eyes. “You’re going to be a phenomenal president, Skyler. I’ve only been doing this a little over a month and I already know you’ll be twice the president I am. Hey,” she adds excitedly, snapping her fingers. “What are you doing tomorrow after class? Come to the PanHellenic meeting with me. I want the other sororities’ officers to get to know you. You could start shadowing and seeing what it’s like. What do you say?”
I smile, but shake my head. “I don’t know, I was kind of hoping to just hang out tomorrow.”
Erin rolls her eyes. “Oh come on. You’ve been ‘hanging out’ every day since the dance. I barely even got you to come to the beach with us on Sunday. Pretty please? It’ll be Big/Little bonding time!”
“You should go, Big,” Cassie chimes in and I give her pleading eyes to back me up, but she doesn’t relent. “It’ll be good for you to get the hang of this stuff before you take office. You’ve seen how hard it’s been for Ex this past month and she’s basically a pro at everything.”
“Aw, thanks Baby G!” Erin beams at Cassie before turning back to me. “So, what do you say? You in?”
My head is starting to spin with the change in Erin’s attitude toward me. Ever since Friday, the evil glares that I was so unaccustomed to have been replaced with the Erin I used to know – the familiar, kind, fun Big I’ve loved since the moment I rushed. But now it’s me pulling away, and over what? A boy?
Boys make girls do really stupid things, sometimes.
“Okay,” I say, smiling. Erin squeals and claps her hands together just as Ashlei and Jess burst through the door.
“Yo, El Presidente,” Jess says as she jumps into bed between me and Cassie. “Loverboy is waiting for you downstairs.”
My stomach lurches.
“Ah!” She jumps up and grabs her clutch before adjusting her tits in her top one more time. “Okay, wish me luck, girls!”
They all shout different variations of “have fun” and “good luck” and I just keep smiling because I’m afraid if I open my mouth, nothing will come out. Nothing that should come out, anyway. Once Erin disappears behind the door closing shut again, Ashlei’s eyes immediately snap to me.
“So, on a scale of one to Amanda Bynes, how close are you to a meltdown right now?”
I sigh, grabbing one of Erin’s pillows and holding it tight to my chest. “I think I’m holding strong at a Tom Cruise pre-Oprah-couch right now.”
“Well, as long as we keep you off talk shows, then, I think you’ll be okay,” Jess says, laughing, but then her face steadies out and she grabs my hand. “Seriously, are you okay?”
“No. But it doesn’t really matter, does it?” I lift my head to face her. “I have to suck it up and figure out a way to be okay, right?”
Ashlei sighs and sits at the foot of the bed by Cassie, folding her hands in her lap. “It’ll get better, Sky. Just give it some time. I’ve learned there’s nothing time and alcohol can’t fix.”
“Well, we seem to be missing one ingredient in that recipe,” I point out.
Jess hops off the bed and scurries down the hall before returning with a bottle of wine. “Have no fear – J-Love is here.”
“How the hell did you get that in here?” Cassie asks, grabbing the bottle and opener from Jess’s hands. She opens it quickly and takes a sip before passing it to me.
“It’s not rocket science, Little Miss Innocent. You just shove it in your book bag. It’s not like Mom Cindy is checking anything around here.”
Mom Cindy is our sweet, but not completely there house mom. She channels her inner hippie from 1974 when shopping for clothes and has a “natural remedy” for just about anything. Although, her hangover tea is pretty amazing. “Little Nug is just too well-behaved for her own good,” I say, lifting the bottle to my lips. It’s a sweet, light pink, fruity wine and not really my taste, but it’ll do.
She crosses her arms defensively. “Whatever. I just know the rules and don’t like to take the chance of getting kicked out of the sorority.”
“Yeah yeah, Goodie Two Shoes.” Jess snatches the bottle from me and tilts it toward my Little, toasting. “Here’s to taking a walk on the wild side.” She takes a big drink and we all laugh.
My phone buzzing makes me stop short, my heart in my throat. Every time it goes off I can’t help but hope Kip’s name pops up on the screen, but it never does. I glance at it hopefully again, but feel the same disappointment wash over me.
“Adam again?” Ashlei asks, nodding toward my phone as Jess hands her the wine bottle. I nod, placing it face-down on the bed again.
“He’s been pretty persistent since Friday,” Jess notes.
“Yeah, well,” I say, leaning back against the sea of pillows on Erin’s bed. “He’s the only Alpha Sigma brother talking to me right now, so there’s that.” Adam has texted me every day since the dance and we talked for a while on Sunday at the beach, but he hasn’t brought up what was said Friday night and I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t feel that way toward me anymore or because he’s waiting for me. Either way, I’m grateful for the temporary escape.
I notice my Little is quiet now, sipping from the bottle when it’s passed her way but keeping her eyes down otherwise. I can’t help but wonder if she’s upset that Kade hasn’t talked to her since the dance. It’s my fault and we both know it, but neither of us bring it up.
“Are you going to hang out with him?” Ashlei asks.
I sigh. “I don’t know. I guess I probably should after the shit I said Friday night but it was all a lie, so everything’s just going to get messy if I see him. I doubt he still has feelings for me but if he does, then it’s not like we can just hang out as friends like we have been.”
“So you don’t like him that way anymore?”
“No, not even a little bit.” I shake my head, taking a long slug from the bottle. It’s already half empty at this point and I feel the buzz setting in.
“You need to be honest with him then,” my Little says, finally looking up from the bed. “You can’t lead him on, too.”
I frown. “I’m not leading him on, Little. But I can’t just tell him that was all a lie. He’d tell Kip and then there’d be an even bigger mess than there is now. I just have to play this stupid game a little longer. Maybe hang out with Adam a few times and then tell him it’s just not working out or something.”
Her lips purse together. “I don’t think that’s fair to Adam. He doesn’t know about this sick game and he shouldn’t have to be involved like that.”
I can’t help but feel the sting from her words paired with the glare she’s giving me right now. “Little, I’m not trying to hurt anyone. Adam will be fine, we’re friends and we have been since the first time we broke up. He will probably feel the same and it’ll be mutual just like before.”
She rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Keep digging yourself deeper and deeper into your shitty hole, Big.” Cassie takes one last chug from the bottle and jumps off the bed, storming out the door and down the hallway.
“What the hell was that about?” Jess asks. I stare at the door thinking the same thing as her words settle around me. I know she’s right about me digging a hole too deep to get out of. My mouth is the shovel and apparently it doesn’t know when to say stop. I feel the light disappearing, the dirt rising higher and higher all around me, threatening to close me in completely.
I clutch my chest, suddenly feeling short of breath. Jess turns back to me and her eyes grow wide. “Shit, Sky, are you okay?” She rushes over to me and grabs my shoulders in her hands.
“I’m fine,” I say, holding up one hand as I use the other to hold my forehead. I’m falling apart and I absolutely hate it. I need to pull it together, but I don’t know how. “I’m going to turn in for the night. I have class early and Bear is meeting me for breakfast beforehand.”
Jess and Ashlei look at each other and frown before turning back to me. “Okay, girl,” Jess says, letting my shoulders free. “You know we’re here if you need us, right?”
I nod, standing and walking toward the door. “I know. I love you girls.”
“And we love you too, Poker Star,” Ashlei says. I smile but don’t even bother turning around to let them see it as I walk through the door and down the hall to my room. Climbing into my bed, I pull the covers up over my head and inhale deeply. I will my mind to be quiet, to let me sleep, but it races with thoughts of Kip and Erin. Flashes of her laughing and him holding her hit me hard and I squeeze my eyes closed tighter. I imagine his lips that felt so perfect on mine touching hers instead and I groan, rolling over and pulling the covers up more.
Trying to focus, I draw in a breath and push it out completely, letting the hot air fill the space under the blanket. Slowly, my thoughts drift to me and Kip on the beach, the sun warm on our skin as we walk the edge of the water. I think of his eyes, his smile, his hands. I feel him pull me closer, his body flush against mine as he bites his bottom lip. I inhale sharply, wetness pooling between my legs as I remember the way it felt to have his fingers inside me, the way it felt to come apart at the touch of his tongue. I remember the way he felt in my hands, the perfect, husky groans he made when I stroked him. My hand drifts down below the hem of my sweatpants and I image it’s his again, letting my fingers graze the lace of my panties. A moan escapes my lips and my eyes fly open, panic setting in as I realize what I’m doing. Quickly, I remove my hand and throw the covers off, letting the cool air attack my sensitive skin.
Shit.
It’s going to be a long night.
“Gah!” I huff, my arms crossed tight as Clinton and I enter the cafeteria. “How is it that it was seventy-six degrees yesterday and then this morning it’s forty-eight?! I can’t handle this.” I rub my hands together and bounce a little as we find the end of the line. The smell of fresh coffee and bacon mix together in a magical combination that makes my mouth water. I haven’t eaten very well in the past few days and I doubt this morning will be any different, but at least I have an appetite.
“Psh, Floridian.” Clinton laughs, tucking his hands in his coat pockets. He towers over every other person in line and I glare up at him before sticking out my tongue. “You wouldn’t last ten minutes in a Pennsylvania winter.”
This time of year in Florida is always so strange. Random cold fronts still sweep through from time to time while spring tries desperately to push through. Half my sorority sisters are getting sick from the constant back and forth. But, honestly, as much as I hate the cold, I do enjoy the break from the insane humidity that always lingers in this state. Anything that makes a nice hair day easy to come by makes me happy.
“You’re damn right, I wouldn’t. Who wants to live in Pennsylvania, anyway?” I tease, nudging him with my shoulder.
At that he laughs. “Hell if I know. I got out of there as soon as I turned eighteen.”
“My point, exactly.” I smile, grabbing a blueberry muffin and dropping it onto my tray. We move through the line quickly and grab a small table by the window facing the fountain and library. Taking a bite of my muffin, I try to keep up my smile and focus on eating. Clinton is like a big brother to me and I know he’s worried. The least I can do is try to convince him he doesn’t need to be.
“So, how are you?” He asks, building a sandwich with the bacon, eggs, and toast on his plate. “I’m still kind of pissed that we haven’t hung out since Rush week.”
“I know, I suck and I’m sorry. But I’m good. Counting down the days to Spring Break. You?”
Clinton narrows his eyes. “Cut the shit, Sky. I know what happened Friday night, everyone on Greek row is talking about it. So are you going to tell me how you are for real or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?”
I smile, shaking my head. “Please don’t tickle me. Didn’t you learn your lesson last year, Bear?” Clinton has a thing for finding my weak spots and tickling information out of me. Last year, though, he didn’t stop in time and I ended up peeing myself. It was hilarious since it was just the two of us, but he’s laid off the tickle-method since.
We both laugh, but he takes a bite of his sandwich, waiting for me to talk. I sigh, picking at my muffin. “Bear, honestly, I’m okay. I’m not good and I’m not bad, I’m just okay. That’s all I can really say right now. I love you and I know you’re here for me, but I just really don’t want to talk about it. I got involved in something I never should have agreed to and now I’m paying for it. It’s my fault, so it would be stupid to ask for sympathy from anyone. Even you.”
Clinton offers a small smile. “I’m sorry, Sky. I don’t know what you got yourself into, but I know you don’t look like someone who just blew off a guy after using him to get back at an ex. You look like someone who was on the other end of the break up, actually.”
I shrug. “Well, there’s a lot behind the situation that nobody knows.”
“You like him, don’t you? All that shit about Adam was bull crap. I know you and you were over Adam the week after you broke things off.”
My chest feels heavy and I cross my arms, tucking them into my chest for protection and warmth. “Yeah, I do like him. But it doesn’t matter because Ex is into him and they have a past. And now they’re talking, which was what she wanted from the start. So, whatever, my part is done I guess.”
Clinton lifts a brow. “So you were playing him for your Big? Shit, I should have known. No one has a better poker face than you.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Yeah, well, my poker face pretty much goes to shit when I’m around him. I’m pretty sure he knows I fed him a lie, but he doesn’t know the truth so he won’t call me out completely. But then again, he moved on to her pretty quickly, so maybe that was his plan all along, too.”
Clinton chews his food while digesting that little tidbit and I take a sip of my orange juice. After a moment, he looks up at me again. “I don’t think it’s like that. I mean, I don’t know the kid, but I saw him at the auction and the bonfire. He put himself out there for you and, to me, it seemed like he didn’t give two fucks about what anyone else thought. Including Erin. I think he’s just trying to get to you by talking to her now. Does he know you know about their past?”
I nod.
“Well,” he continues, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Then this is probably his way of calling you on your bluff. You said you wanted Adam all along and maybe he knows that’s bullshit so he’s pulling the oldest trick in the book to see if you get jealous.”
I hadn’t thought of that, but it does make sense. Kip isn’t the kind of guy to take crap from anyone and it probably pissed him off that I claimed feelings for Adam when clearly I was into him. Maybe he is bluffing now.
“You might be onto something, Bear.”
He smiles. “I mean, I am a genius. You should know that by now.” I return his smile and take another small bite of my muffin. It’s not the most nutritional breakfast, but anything is better than nothing right now.
“So what about you? Anything new going on?”
Clinton shrugs. “Not really. We’re almost off probation, so I’m looking forward to that. Do you know how shitty it is to be in a fraternity that can’t drink or party? We’re going crazy trying to figure out new ways to sneak booze into the house.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I can’t imagine Stanksy or Baldwin going more than twenty-four hours without a beer.”
“Stansky is moody when he’s not drunk. It’s like living with a girl on her never-ending period.”
“Ha! That must be an entertaining spectacle. Well, at least Spring Break isn’t too far away. You’ll be off probation by then.”
“Yeah, I’m fucking stoked. I am pretty annoyed that Alpha Sig and DBG are going on the same cruise as us now, though.”
I choke on my juice. “What? They are?”
Clinton nods. “Yeah. Fucking lame, right? Whatever, it’ll just be a bigger party, I guess. I just hope there’s not too many fights. You know how my brothers are when we get in a room with another frat.”
I roll my eyes. “God, do I. Should we start taking bets on how many fights will break out now?”
“I’m calling six.”
“Oh no, I’m thinking at least double digits. I’ll say thirteen.”
“Wow, what faith you have in us, Sky,” he says, shaking his head and finishing the rest of his coffee. I smile, but my stomach falls at the realization that Kip will be on the same cruise as me for an entire week. I’ll most likely be with Erin at least eighty percent of the time, and that means I’ll be seeing him just as often. I swallow hard, willing my breaths to stay even.
“You okay?” Clinton asks.
I nod. “Yeah, fine.” Putting on my most convincing smile, we stand and walk our trays to the trash. “Thanks for asking me to meet this morning, Bear. I’ve missed you.”
“You know I had to check on my baby sister,” he says, smiling. Just like Cassie is my Little, Bear thinks of me as his. We aren’t related, but we might as well be. Now I feel even worse for not hanging out with him all semester until now. “Just stay away from pledges and maybe we can hang out more. I couldn’t have you cramping my style before.”
I punch him in the shoulder and wrap my scarf tighter around my neck as we file back out into the cold. “Trust me, I’m staying away from boys for a while.”
A loud laugh escapes his throat. “Good luck with that. I have a feeling you and Nerd Boy aren’t done causing drama in Greek world just yet.”
Tucking my hands into my pockets, I laugh, too, but the possible truth in his statement makes me shiver. “What’s college without a little drama?”
Six minutes before class starts, Kip walks in the classroom. My hands that were freezing just minutes ago outside are sweating now and I rub them on my jeans, wondering if I should avoid eye contact or act normal. Whatever I should do, it doesn’t matter because I can’t look away from him. He’s dressed in dark jeans and a gray pea coat over a white collared shirt. So simple, yet so enticing. And of course, he’s wearing his freaking glasses. Why those damn specks have such power over me, I’ll never understand.
When he spots me, he gives a lazy smile and my stomach tightens as he walks toward me. I shift in my chair as he sits down in the seat beside me just like he’s done every class since the beginning of the semester. He shrugs his messenger bag off his shoulder and I realize he’s holding two cups of coffee. He hands one to me before stripping off his jacket, which distracts me more than I care to admit.
I hate this.
I hate this so, so much.
“Take a sip. I think I got it this time,” he says, sitting down. For a moment I just stare at him. What the hell is he doing? Why is he even talking to me at all, let alone acting like everything is normal between us? Is this a joke? Am I in the Twilight Zone?
He lifts his brows, waiting, so I take a sip. It’s a sweet, caramel-flavored latte of some kind. It’s not half-bad, but definitely not my drink. I smile a little and shake my head. “Nope, sorry,” I say, the words just above a whisper.
“Ah.” he shrugs, retrieving his books and notepad from his bag. “Damn. I thought for sure you were a caramel girl. I’ll get it one day.” He winks and flips open his book to the chapters we were supposed to read this week. “So how has your week been? Any plans this weekend?”
I stare at him, my hands still clasped around the warm cup. When I don’t answer, he turns to face me and I really wish he hadn’t because now his electric blue eyes are fixed on mine and I can’t swallow.
“What?”
Gripping the cup tighter, I nervously chew my lip until the words finally make their way out. “Kip, why are you acting like nothing happened? I mean, this is weird, right?”
He smiles, shaking his head. “Listen, Skyler – I’m sorry. I blew up on Friday and I know that wasn’t fair to you. I was upset, okay? I was having fun with you and I wasn’t ready for it to end. Plus, Adam has kind of been a prick to me since we started hanging out, so that just added fuel to the fire. But hey, I’ve been there before. I know what it’s like to want an ex back,” he says, smiling a little at the last part. My chest tightens at the thought of Erin. What does that smile mean? “I just wish you would have told me. Hell, I could have put on a way better show if I would have known that was your aim this whole time.”
He laughs but I’m still staring like an idiot, trying to spot his tell – his giveaway that he’s bluffing. There’s no eye twitch, no nervous ticking, no licking of the lips or shifting of the eyes. He seems completely normal. Calm. Collected.
What the hell?
Kip sighs. “Listen, I really like hanging out with you. And I still want to help you train for the tournament in May. The casino downtown has a tournament next Friday. Have you thought about entering?”
I still can’t stop staring at him like he has three heads and neon blue skin. On Friday, the look in his eyes when I lied to him literally broke me. And now? He’s acting like we got in a tiff over who should do the dishes next. This is weird, and I can’t figure out what his angle is.
“I heard about it, but no, I haven’t entered yet.”
“You should,” he says as Dr. O’Neal walks in. “I’ll go with you. I think the buy-in is like eighty bucks, so it’s not a very big payout, but it would be good practice.”
“All right, class.” Dr. O’Neal starts writing frantically on the whiteboard. “Let’s discuss the chapters on character development from the assigned reading.”
Kip leans in close and whispers, “Come on. We can still be friends, right?”
Something deep in my gut tells me there’s something Kip’s not telling me, but the goofy smile on his face paired with those blue eyes that have haunted my thoughts for the past week are too much to handle. I can’t think straight, not when it comes to him.
“Yeah, of course. Friends.”
He smiles, giving a short nod before turning toward the front. “Guess I should break out the old friend zone crash helmet, then.”
I can’t help but smile and Kip gives me a sideways glance, his eyes playful. It feels easy between us, like nothing has changed, yet everything is completely different. I have no idea what this means or what we’re doing, but maybe I shouldn’t try so hard to dissect everything. I like being Kip’s friend. I can’t be with him, but that doesn’t mean I have to give him up altogether, right?
The sudden brush of Kip’s skin against mine as he steals my cup of coffee sends a jolt of electricity to the pit of my stomach. He smiles, tipping the cup toward me before taking a sip and continuing his note-taking. My eyes fall to his hand, the sting of his touch still evident on my skin. It’s like my body has been asleep since Friday and all it took was one tiny touch from him to wake me. My stomach flutters and I curse under my breath. How the hell am I going to just be friends with him if every look, every smile, every touch sends me into overdrive?
I need a freaking smoke signal.
S.O.S.
Someone save me.
