Текст книги "Tainted"

Автор книги: K. A. Robinson

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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

The waitress apparently thought my smile was for her. Her grin widened as she leaned in closer to me. “See something you like?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I see a bar full of alcohol behind you. Bring me a beer. I don’t care what kind.”

She seemed a bit annoyed with me, but she kept it to herself. “Sure. Coming right up.”

As she walked toward the bar, I turned my attention to the band on stage, and I immediately wished I hadn’t. They sounded horrible, and that was putting it lightly. While the guy playing the guitar wasn’t bad, the rest of them were. The drummer was playing faster than everyone else, and it clashed with the singer’s slightly off-key singing.

I groaned as I listened to them. It was depressing to see one of our replacements. If Breaking the Hunger were playing, the bar would be packed, but tonight, there were several open tables. I wasn’t being conceited, but I knew that we’d brought in a lot of business for Gold’s.

A few minutes later, the waitress returned with my beer, and I sipped on it as I continued to watch the band. Someone seriously needed to remove them from the stage before people started throwing beer bottles at them. I glanced around the bar and noticed Jerry watching me with a grin on his face. I waved him over, and he laughed as he headed my way.

“They’re fucking awful, aren’t they?” He sat down in the chair beside me.

“Who the hell are they?” I asked.

“Some local band just starting out. I don’t think any of them are older than eighteen, and they need some serious work.” He paused long enough to grin at me. “Unlike you, of course. Why don’t you do something acoustic when they finish up? Hopefully, this is their last song, or I’m going to stab myself in the eardrum.”

I laughed at the look on his face. “I didn’t bring my guitar with me.”

“So? Use one of theirs. It’s the least they could do after making us suffer through this.”

I shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

I needed something to help soothe my nerves, and music always served as my release when I had too much shit on my mind. Maybe it could help me now since my head was one big clusterfuck.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, the band finished their last song.

I stood and walked to the end of the stage. “Hey, do you have an acoustic guitar with you?” I asked the guitarist.

He seemed surprised, but he nodded. “Yeah, I have one out in the van.”

“Do you think I could borrow it for one song?”

“Um, sure. Let me take my stuff out, and I’ll bring it in for you.”

I went back to my table and waited as the band packed up and carried their instruments out of the bar.

A few minutes later, the guy returned with his acoustic guitar.

“Thanks.” I took the case from him and pulled out the guitar. I strummed a chord and found the instrument was horribly out of tune. I spent a couple of minutes adjusting it until I was satisfied. These guys had a lot to learn.

The bar was quiet as I left my table and went on stage. I pulled up a stool in front of the mic and sat down. “Evening, guys. I’m sure most of you know me, but for those of you who don’t, I’m Drake from Breaking the Hunger. I thought I’d play something since I’m just sitting on my ass in here.”

A few people laughed, and then I started playing “Fine Again” by Seether. It seemed like the perfect song for my life right now, and I wanted to share it even if the audience wouldn’t understand the meaning behind it. I let the music take over as I poured my soul into the song. This was the release I needed to deal with all the bullshit in my life. When everyone left me, music was always there to soothe me.

I finished the song and exited the stage. The room was dead silent as I handed the guitar back to its rightful owner and walked back to my table. I knew they had to be wondering what that little performance was about, and I didn’t want to hang around for the questions that were sure to follow. I threw a couple of bills on the table, and without a backward glance, I left the bar to return to my own personal hell.

3

“This is unfuckingbelievable!” Adam shouted as he boarded the label’s private plane.

Jade laughed as she followed him up the steps and onto the plane. I followed behind her, and Eric entered last. We all stood in awe as we looked around the interior of the plane. The last time I had been on a plane was years ago, and it was nothing compared to this. This one was surprisingly roomy for being so small. There were five seats on each side, and in the back, two couches were situated directly in front of two flat-screen televisions mounted to the wall.

Adam ran to one of the couches and flopped down onto it. “If this is the life of a big time musician, then I never want to leave. This couch has to be worth more than my car!”

I couldn’t help but grin as I slid down into one of the seats. I could always count on Adam to cheer me up when I was having a shitty day. Jade sat down in the aisle across from me, and Eric took the seat in front of me.

“I have to admit that this is pretty cool,” Eric said as he looked at me.

“Yeah, it is. I could get used to this,” Jade said.

After spending over an hour and a half in Eric’s cramped car on the drive to the Pittsburgh International Airport, these seats felt like heaven on earth. I stretched my legs out in front of me and reclined the seat.

“It is a pretty nice setup,” I said before yawning.

I’d tossed and turned most of the night before as Chloe had constantly filled my mind. I’d wondered how close was she to me? What would she do if I called her and asked to come over? Would she hang up on me? Would she let me spend the night with her? Of course she wouldn’t. That was a stupid question. She’d made her decision very clear. As long as I was using, she didn’t want anything to do with me. I wasn’t sure if she would even talk to me once I was clean.

When she wasn’t consuming my thoughts, I was thinking about how many hours had passed since I used last. This was the longest I’d gone without coke for a while, and I felt like I was going crazy. I was determined to stop using though. I was tired of hurting everyone around me, but I wasn’t sure how long I could handle it.

I didn’t want the band to know that I was trying to stop on my own. They would only worry about me and watch me constantly. I didn’t need three babysitters. I could do this on my own.

And if you fail, they’ll never even know you tried, a little voice in my head said.

I had to agree with it. If I couldn’t quit on my own, I didn’t want to see the disappointment written all over their faces.

“Attention, passengers. We are preparing for takeoff. Please make sure your seat belts are fastened,” a male voice said over the intercom.

I fastened my seat belt as Adam stood from the couch and walked to the nearest seat.

I had to admit that I was excited about this whole thing. If the label liked us, it would change our entire lives. We could get a deal, record an album, and tour the country. There would be no more gigs in small-town bars for us. I smiled as I pictured myself in front of thousands of fans with Chloe standing just offstage, watching me proudly with a huge grin on her face.

And there she was again. She obviously didn’t miss me, so why couldn’t I get her out of my head? Thoughts of her consumed me. She was an addiction, just like the cocaine, and I couldn’t let either one of them go.

A young woman stepped out of the cockpit and started walking toward us. She checked to make sure each of our seat belts were secured before walking back into the cabin. I closed my eyes and listened to Adam and Jade bicker as we waited for the plane to take off.

A few minutes later, I opened my eyes to see the same woman from earlier walking back into our cabin. She took a seat in the front. “We will be taking off momentarily.”

Sure enough, less than a minute later, I felt the plane start to move. I grabbed both armrests, preparing myself for when we lifted off the runway. Flying didn’t scare me, but I wasn’t too keen on the actual takeoff part. When I felt the plane leaving the ground, the muscles in my arms tightened as I clung to the armrests. I closed my eyes and waited for the okay to unfasten my seat belt.

When the pilot announced that we could move around the cabin, I threw off my seat belt and stood. Between craving my fix and the takeoff, I was feeling antsy to say the least. I walked to the couches and dropped myself down on one of them. Maybe I could nap for a little bit if I closed my eyes and blocked out the voices in the cabin.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I noticed Eric studying me closely. Lately, it seemed like he was always watching me, and it made me nervous. Eric was one of the most perceptive people I had ever known, and his constant scrutiny made me feel like he could see right into me.

He stood and headed toward me. He sat down beside me and stared at the blank television screen. He obviously wanted to talk, but I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to say something or if he was thinking things over before he spoke.

“You okay?” Eric finally asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re fidgety today, more than normal.” He looked away from the television and directed his gaze at me.

“Flying makes me nervous,” I lied.

“It’s more than that. Did you see Chloe last night or something?” he asked.

That wasn’t what I had expected at all. He never mentioned Chloe. “No, I didn’t. I know when I’m not wanted, and I’m not about to go chase after her like a lovesick idiot.”

“You still love her.”

It wasn’t a question. He was simply stating the obvious, but for some reason, it bothered me.

“Does it matter?” I asked.

“It does.”

“It doesn’t. Even if I do still love her, she’s made it clear that she wants nothing to do with me.”

“She left because she loves you, Drake. She couldn’t stand to watch you destroy yourself. You have to know that.”

I shrugged, hoping that he would drop the conversation. Of course, I knew he wouldn’t though. Eric rarely spoke about private matters, so when he did, he made sure to say everything he needed to.

“If this label signs us, things are going to change. If you think the women are bad now, just wait. You will have hundreds of women throwing themselves at you constantly.”

“So? What are you trying to get at?”

“I honestly think Chloe would take you back in a heartbeat if you got your life together. I just don’t want you to do anything that you might regret later.”

“Like sleep with one of the groupies?” I asked, finally understanding what he was getting at.

“Exactly. You’re a good guy, Drake, and I hate seeing you like this. I don’t want you to destroy what you had with Chloe any more than you already have. Just think things through before you act.”

I nodded. “I will.”

He smacked me on the back as he stood from the couch. “Good to hear.”

I relaxed as I watched him walk back up to the front toward Jade and Adam. His words echoed through my mind. Even though I realized that Chloe wasn’t coming back, I hadn’t accepted any invitations from the women who threw themselves at me while I had been out at the bars. It had just felt wrong to me, like I would be cheating. Besides, no woman could ever come close to Chloe. She was one in a billion.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. I felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks, but no matter how hard I tried, sleep wouldn’t come. All I wanted was a line of coke and to get off this damn plane. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it? By the time we landed in L.A., I was cranky and ready to put my fist through a wall.

I followed the rest of the band off the plane and into the airport. We collected our bags and walked toward the exit. Near the door, we noticed a huge guy holding a sign with our names on it. Eric approached him first, and we all followed. After the guy verified who we were, he led us outside to a limo idling by the curb.

I whistled as I slid into the seat next to Jade. Eric and Adam slid in across from us. This label was the real deal. First, they had flown us over in a private plane, and now, we were in their limo. We rode in silence. All of us seemed too nervous to say anything. When the limo stopped, I glanced out the window to see a huge building with the record label’s name displayed across the entrance.

The driver opened the door and waited as we all exited the car. Then, he led us up the steps and into the lobby. From the pristine marble floors to the glass reception desk, the place screamed money. We walked down a short hallway to a row of elevators. As soon as the doors opened, the driver ushered us in before he stepped inside. The doors closed, and he pressed the button for the eighteenth floor. I stared at my reflection in the door as we were lifted up.

My hands were sweating from nerves, and I wiped them repeatedly on my jeans. I wasn’t one to get nervous, but my future depended on the decisions of the people working in this building. We would either be set for life or thrown out like trash.

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open to reveal a brightly lit hallway. The driver, who had yet to speak to any of us except for Eric at the airport, led us down the hallway to a door at the very end. After knocking loudly, he swung the door open and walked in with us following right behind him.

“Mr. Sanders, I have the band you requested,” he said in a deep voice that matched his scary-as-fuck appearance.

I took a closer look at him and frowned. If I saw this guy on the street, I would have gone out of my way to avoid him. Even though he was dressed in a suit, I could see tattoos peeking out of the collar and sleeves of his shirt. His head was shaved, and with the added benefit of him being well over six feet tall, he was one scary bastard.

“Excellent! Thank you for your assistance, Alex. I’ll take it from here,” a voice said from across the room.

I looked up to see a middle-aged man sitting at a desk. He was the exact opposite of Alex. He was also dressed in a suit, but that was the only similarity between the two men. Desk guy had a small build with thinning hair and wrinkles around his eyes and across his forehead.

“It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. We loved the demo tape you sent, and I personally can’t wait to hear what you can do in our studio.”

“Uh, thank you, Mr.—” Eric started.

“Oh, of course. How silly of me. I’m Brad Sanders. I spoke with you on the phone the other day.”

“Right, well, it’s nice to officially meet you, Mr. Sanders,” Eric said.

“The pleasure is all mine. Please call me Brad. We will be spending a good bit of time with each other, so there’s no need for formalities.” He smiled at us.

“All right then. I’m Eric. This is Adam, Jade, and Drake.”

Brad stood, walked over to us, and shook each of our hands. He seemed like a nice guy, but I wasn’t one to trust others, and I refused to fall for the nice-guy act. Guys like him used bands all the time. Until he could prove to me that he wasn’t a dick, I wasn’t ready to like him. Sure, I had to be polite, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.

“Why don’t all of you take a seat? Then, I’ll go over some things with you. I’m sure Eric filled you in on the phone conversation we had a couple of days ago.”

We all nodded as we took the seats surrounding the desk.

“Good. All right, let’s get down to business. As I said before, we absolutely loved your demo. You all have amazing potential, and with our help, I think your band could be the next big thing in the rock world. We want you to record a few of your current songs in our studio, and we’ll see how things go. If you’re as good as you sounded on the CD you sent in, we’ll want to sign you.”

“And if you don’t?” I asked, wanting to make him squirm.

He gave me a false cheery smile. “Don’t think we are just going to abandon you. I have no doubt that you have raw potential. In the end, if we can’t come to an agreement, I will personally pay for your trip home.”

I nodded, satisfied with his answer.

“While you are here, we have booked rooms for each of you in a hotel not far from here, so you are easily accessible to us. By now, I’m sure you know that recording music is not easy, even recording on your own. You will spend several hours a day in our studio, working with the best team money can buy.”

“And you guys are paying for our rooms and making sure we have everything we need?” Adam asked.

“Of course! We asked you to come here. You won’t need to spend a dime while you’re here.”

“Fucking sweet!” Adam said.

Brad laughed as Jade rolled her eyes.

“Yes, it is a very sweet deal. I’m sure you’re all tired, so I don’t expect you to jump right into the studio today. Alex will take you to the hotel, and he will pick you up at eight o’clock sharp tomorrow morning. Get a good night’s rest. Tomorrow we get to work.”

We all stood, thanked him, and walked to the door. Alex was standing just down the hallway, waiting for us. We followed him back to the elevators, and once we were back on the first floor, we headed outside and got back into the limo. The ride to the hotel was short since it was only a few blocks away from the label. It seemed they really did want to keep us close.

Alex parked the limo, and almost instantly, he opened the door for us to exit. He helped the hotel staff unload our bags from the back of the car. Afterward, he turned to us. “Your rooms are listed under your names.” He handed Eric a piece of paper. “If you need anything, this is my number. I will see you all in the morning.” With that, he stepped away from us and got back into the limo.

That guy had the personality of a gnat. I wasn’t sure if he was an arrogant ass by nature or if he just didn’t like us. Either way, I didn’t like him.

We walked inside, and I instantly felt uncomfortable. The hotel was as fancy as the building we had just left. I wasn’t used to high-class places, and this place was as high-class as they came. At the reception desk, we checked in and got directions to our rooms. We rode the elevator up with a hotel employee and helped him unload our bags outside each of our rooms. I tipped him twenty dollars, and he looked at me like I was nuts. I shrugged as I glanced at Adam as the employee walked down the hallway. I’d seriously overpaid or underpaid the guy. Oh well, I didn’t give a shit either way.

We agreed to meet later in Eric’s room after we each went to our own rooms to unpack. I slid my key card into the lock and swung the door open to reveal a massive room. While I knew it couldn’t be the nicest room in this hotel, it was insane to me. Any hotel I’d slept in before came with a bed and a bathroom only, but this place had it all—a bed, bathroom, couch, desk, and even a small kitchen. The label had obviously planned to keep us here for a while. Too bad I couldn’t cook to save my life. If Chloe were here, she’d be jumping up and down in excitement.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block thoughts of her from my mind. It wasn’t fair. No matter where I was or what I was doing, she was always there. Every single thing I saw reminded me of her.

I threw my bag on the bed and unzipped it to start putting things away in the dresser across from the bed. I honestly hadn’t expected to be here for long, so I’d only brought enough clothes for a week. I hoped a Laundromat was close by or maybe the hotel had some service to wash my clothes. After I put all my clothes away, I took my toiletries to the bathroom and tossed my empty bag against the far wall.

Well, it wasn’t completely empty. There was one small compartment that I hadn’t yet opened. Just in case, I’d stashed a bag of coke in there. I’d taken a chance with airport security when we were still in Pittsburgh, and lucky for me, we had skipped through security since we were on a private plane. Now, I wished that I hadn’t brought it with me. I sat down on the bed and stared at my bag. It seemed like the coke was calling out to me, begging me to get my fix.

I fell back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. I wished that Chloe were here with me.

With her, maybe it would be easier to ignore the screaming voice in my head. To hell with the rest of the world. Do what you want.

Maybe if she’d stuck by me, I’d be clean by now. Yeah, I knew I would be. It was all her fault that I was still trapped in this hell. If she’d really cared, she would have stayed to make sure I was okay. Instead, she’d left me behind without a second thought. She didn’t care about me. The only person she cared about was herself. Needing to hit something, I slammed my fists on the bed. It did little to soothe my temper. Instead, I felt angrier. How could she do that to me? She had left me, just left me. I fucking hated her, and I hated the fact that I still loved her. Damn her! Damn it all!

I stood up and stomped across the room to my bag. I sat it on the desk and unzipped the compartment that had all the answers. I was so sick of dealing with my fucked up emotions all the time. I just wanted that release, that world of pleasure where nothing mattered. There was no label, there was no Chloe, there were no dead parents, and most importantly, there was no pain. Fuck it all. No, fuck them all.

I pulled the bag and my trusty mirror out and walked to the couch to sit down. I’d stocked up only a few days ago, and I knew I had enough to last me a week or two. I set the mirror on the table and dumped some of the powder onto it. After pulling my credit card and a bill out of my wallet, I crushed up the coke and separated it into two lines. I rolled the bill and leaned down, but then I stopped at the last second. Was I really giving up this soon? Hadn’t I just decided last night that I was done with this? I was destroying everything for myself and everyone around me.

I stared down at the powder and willed myself to take it to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet. But I couldn’t do it. I needed it too much. I couldn’t deal with life without some kind of release, and this was the best thing that I had right now. I lowered my head once again and snorted both of the lines, one right after the other. I threw the bill down on the table as I leaned back against the couch. I felt half-disgusted with myself and half-happy now that I knew my release was so close.

I closed my eyes and waited for the effects to take over. A few minutes later, I started to feel them, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, this was what I wanted, what I needed. I could handle this. I wouldn’t let it control me. The guys and Jade were worried over nothing. How could something that felt this good ever be bad? It helped me focus, which is what I needed. When I didn’t have it, I always felt rage bubbling to the surface, and I lost control. That would be when everyone needed to worry, not when I felt like this.

I smiled to myself as I stood and grabbed my key card off the table. It was time to meet up with everyone in Eric’s room. I closed the door behind me and walked down the hall to his room. I knocked, and a few seconds later, Eric opened the door to let me in.

He took one look at me and shook his head. “Really?” he asked.

“What?”

“You’re high, Drake. I thought you were trying to work on it.”

“I am,” I said defensively. “This is the first time today. That’s almost twenty-four hours. I don’t know what you’re so worried about anyway. You hate when I get all pissed off, don’t you? I never feel that way after I’ve snorted a line.”

“No, but you’re a raging dick when it starts to wear off,” Adam said from the couch.

I flipped him off as I sat down next to him. “Fuck you. I’m fine, and I’m not using as much as I was. At least I’m trying, so back off.”

“Whatever,” Adam growled. “I wish Chloe were here. She’d rip off your dick for this shit.”

For the first time ever, I snapped while I was high. I grabbed the neck of his shirt and drew my arm back to punch him in the face.

Eric grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Adam. “That’s it!” he shouted.

I froze. Eric never shouted.

“You need to get your shit together, or you’re going to be on your own. I can’t watch you destroy yourself and attack us every chance you get,” Eric said.

Adam adjusted his shirt and stood. “If it wasn’t for this label wanting us, I’d vote to kick your ass out right now. I’m so sick of it.”

“Don’t you ever fucking bring up Chloe like that again! She left me, just like you guys want to. If she were still here, I wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“So, you admit that you’re in over your head?” Eric asked.

“What? No! I just meant—”

“We know what you meant. Deny it all you want, but you need help,” Adam said as he walked to the door. He glanced back at Eric. “I’m out of here before I beat his head in.”

He slammed the door, leaving me alone with Eric. I ran my hands through my hair. I was at a loss for words. I had this under control, regardless of what they thought.

“You’ve lost control, Drake. I wish you could see that. You’re like a brother to me. As far as I’m concerned, you are my brother and it’s killing me to watch you go through this alone. I wish you would let us help you,” Eric said.

“I don’t need your help or anyone else’s. I’ve taken care of myself my entire life, and that isn’t going to change.”

“But you’re not alone, and I wish you could see that. Jade, Adam, and I all love you. Chloe does, too, even if she isn’t here to tell you.”

“You guys are my family, and I know you care, but you’re worrying over nothing. I wish you’d just leave me alone.”

“We aren’t going to leave you alone until you get help. You’ve got Jade scared to death. She’s afraid to even leave you on your own. A little bit ago, she came over here, and she was freaking out and worried about what you would do since you have a room to yourself.” He gave me a pointed look. “Obviously, she was right.”

“I’m not dealing with this right now. I’m going back to my room.” I stood and walked to the door. I was so sick of this shit. I wanted my friends back, not these crazy people who wouldn’t leave me alone.

I spent the rest of the night locked up in my room. Someone came to my door and knocked a few times. After hearing obscenities being shouted at me from the other side, I knew it was Jade, but I ignored her. She tried calling me a few times, but I ignored those as well. I just wanted to be alone.

It was well after midnight when I picked up my phone and started flipping through some of my pictures. I started with the first picture I had ever taken of Chloe and continued to go through them until I reached the last one. It had been taken only days before she’d left me. She had fallen asleep while we were on the bus, and I’d snapped picture after picture of her as she slept peacefully in my bunk. I’d thought that we’d be together forever, but as usual, things never worked out the way I’d planned. If I had known that she would be gone so soon after that, I would have crawled into that small bunk and held her tight.

I just hoped that she hadn’t run back to Jordan or Logan. I wasn’t sure how I would handle it if I ever saw her with either of them. She was mine even if she didn’t think so anymore, and I didn’t want Jordan or Logan touching her, kissing her, or holding her at night. As I imagined either of them in bed with her, I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Her body and soul were supposed to be mine and mine alone.

I plugged my phone in to charge it, and I threw the covers back on my bed. I had a huge day tomorrow, and I needed to get some sleep. I tossed and turned, unable to put my mind to rest. Now that the thought had popped into my head, all I could see was Chloe in bed with someone else. The picture Kadi had shown me of Chloe and Jordan in bed together was what had started all of this, and here I was again, going through the same hell as before.