Текст книги "Following Me"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

THE SMELL OF bacon filled the apartment, and Devon awoke with a smile.  No nightmares.  She hadn’t had a single one all night.  It was the first time in weeks.  She had slept soundly, not even waking up when Brennan got up to cook.  She checked her watch and realized it was already noon.  She couldn’t believe it!  She had slept for almost eight hours.  She couldn’t remember the last time that had happened.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Brennan called from the kitchen door.

She yawned and stretched her arms over her head.  She was clad in one of his T-shirts.  It was way too big, but it smelled so good and clean and so much like Brennan that she wanted to wear it all the time.  Her eyes traveled over his body, and she tried to keep the appreciation off her face.  But it was too early, and it must have showed because he smirked at her.  What did he expect her to do when he walked around the apartment shirtless?

Devon pointed out her feet until they touched the other end of the couch.  It felt so good to just…be for once.  She couldn’t believe how well she had slept after last night.  But she was thinking that discussing what had happened to her, even if everything had gone awry, had helped her…or maybe it was Brennan.  She couldn’t choose.

“Good morning,” she said through another yawn.

“How do you sleep so much?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“I haven’t slept this much in months.  I feel like a new person.”

Brennan laughed, and Devon sighed back into the couch at the sound.  She wasn’t sure she had ever seen him laugh like that—loose, happy, and free.

“Well, I hope this new person likes bacon.”

“She does,” Devon said, nodding.  She flipped the covers off her body.  When she stood, the shirt fell nearly to her knees, and she blushed, remembering that she had taken off her jeans before she fell asleep.  She snatched them off the ground and darted into the bathroom.  After tugging the jeans back on to cover her exposed legs, she quickly tied her hair in a knot and then splashed cold water on her face.  She needed to wake up and not blush so much.

Brennan had a table big enough for two against the wall in the kitchen, and Devon took an empty seat.  He placed a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast in front of her.

“Coffee?” he asked with a smile.

“Sure,” she said.  “Lots of cream and sugar though.”

He laughed again, obliging.  After pouring his own coffee, he took the seat across from her, and they ate in comfortable silence.  Last night felt like a lifetime ago.  But Brennan liked her; he had told her.  Well, at least, he had kind of told her.  He had told her in a completely Brennan kind of way.  It made her sigh happily as she ate.

Despite his protests, Devon helped Brennan clear the table, and then she washed off her plate and placed it in the dishwasher.  When he finally pushed her out of the kitchen, she walked over to the couch and sat back down.  She flipped on the television to some random channel and waited for Brennan to return.  It didn’t matter what was on TV because she wasn’t really paying attention.

A couple minutes later, Brennan walked into the living room.  He slid into the seat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  She leaned back against him, snuggling into his chest, and he intertwined their hands in her lap.  It was comfortable and nice.  How long had it been since she had felt like this?  It had been at least a year, probably longer, since she had done this with Reid.  She couldn’t remember that far back, back when it had been different, and she didn’t want to think any more about it.  She wanted to be content.

They sat like this through the mindless television show.  Devon couldn’t have told anyone what happened on the show, but she knew the rhythm of Brennan’s heart, the small movements he made when he nestled closer to her, and the soft caress of his fingers on her hand.

When the show ended, Devon shifted to reach for the remote, but Brennan moved first.  He clicked the power button, and the screen went black.  Devon turned her face up to him, her eyebrows scrunching together.  When she found him staring down at her in adoration, all the tension eased from her face.  His hand moved and tugged lightly on the hair tie, freeing her long locks to fall down around her face.

“I love your hair,” he said, running his hand through one side, causing her to shiver.  “I love when you wear it down.  I love when it irritates you, and you throw it all over one shoulder.”

His hand brushed her hair to expose her neck, his fingers trailing lightly across her skin.  Her breathing turned shallow, and her eyes darted to his lips and then back to his eyes.

“I love your big blue eyes, and the way they can find me in a crowd even when you don’t mean to.  I love your lips that you constantly bite out of frustration, that you suck on when you’re writing lyrics in your journal, that you pucker when deciding on what to order.”

Devon swallowed.  She couldn’t breathe.

He leaned forward, cupping her chin with his hand.  “I really love your lips,” he whispered softly before pressing his lips against hers.

This time, Devon sighed into him, not even thinking about pulling away.  She was lost—mind, body, and soul—to the man before her.  Somehow, along the way, he had captured not just her lips but all of her.  How had she evaded him for so long?

His tongue stroked her bottom lip and opened her mouth.  She met him tentatively at first, and then she wholly indulged in the feel of him.  Her senses intensified all at once, feeling the softness of his lips against hers, the calluses on his hands touching her skin, his taut body pressing into her.  His scent clouded her mind, and she forced herself not to move too fast.  His fingers moved to knot in her long hair, and she moaned lightly into his mouth.

Being kissed this way was like tasting the first strawberry of the season—so sweet and way better than you ever remember.

They remained kissing leisurely, distractedly, happily until Brennan remembered that he actually had to go into work that day.  Devon didn’t have many days off, and since she had worked so hard the day before, today just happened to be one of those days.

Brennan left to take a shower, and Devon pulled out her phone, trying not to envision him naked.  She wasn’t having much luck.

She had turned off her phone last night because she hadn’t wanted to be disturbed.  Mostly, she hadn’t wanted Garrett to call her.  When the screen brightened and finally reached a signal, her phone lit up with messages, missed calls, and voice mails.

What the hell? she thought, clicking on the first message.

She had expected Garrett to leave one or two texts and maybe a voice mail, asking her to come back.  Maybe he would even apologize for his behavior.  But thirty-two messages and five voice mails?  That was just absurd.  What was his problem?

Devon didn’t even want to read the messages.  She clicked out of them and turned to the voice mails.  These were all from this morning.  She shrugged and pressed the phone to her ear.

“Devon, you might hate me, but answer your phone!”

She stopped the message, not willing to hear the rest.  The next one started playing right after that.

“It’s Hadley.  She’s in the hospital.  She’s at Northwestern Memorial.  I don’t care if you hate me, but think of Hadley.”

The voice mail ended, and Devon stared down at her phone in shock.  All the softness and ease of being with Brennan this morning drained out of her face…out of her whole body.  Hadley was in the hospital.  Shit!

Devon jumped off the couch in a rush, throwing her phone into her purse.  She slammed her hand down on the bathroom door just as the shower shut off.  Brennan cracked the door, holding a towel around his waist.  He was still wet, and his hair was hanging low, almost over his eyes.  She was momentarily distracted by him.

Then, she shook her head and reminded herself what was really important.  “Hadley,” she gasped out.  “Garrett called, and she’s in the hospital.”

“What?” he cried, rushing past her.  “What hospital?”

“Northwestern Memorial.”

“That’s not far from here,” he told her.  “Let me throw on some clothes, and we’ll go.  I’ll call Jenn from the car.”

Devon wasn’t sure why, but her mind focused on the strangest things under stress.  Brennan had a car?

BRENNAN KNEW HIS way around Northwestern Memorial better than Devon thought most people should be able to maneuver a hospital.  Devon was anxious and kept bumping into him as they walked through the building.  The ride over had been extremely short.  She had almost felt bad taking a car, considering the L wouldn’t have been much more effort.  But she did enjoy watching him, albeit reluctantly under the circumstances, driving his little Jetta Hybrid through the busy streets with his Wayfarers on.

He found what he was looking for and approached a desk with a lanky man standing behind it.  “Excuse me, we’re here to see Hadley Bishop,” Brennan told the man.

The man scanned his computer, running his finger along the screen.  “Ah, she’s in the ICU.  Go straight down this hall, then turn—”

“Thanks, I know the way,” Brennan said, cutting him off and loping down the hallway.

Devon followed at his heels, wringing her hands like a maniac.  She wished she had a pen to flip, but she had already checked in her bag, and she didn’t find one.  Brennan walked down a few corridors and then stopped when they reached the waiting room to the ICU.

He steadied her before they walked to the nurses’ station.  “Do you know what she’s here for?” he asked.

“Well, I have a guess.”

Brennan nodded.  “Your guess is probably right.”

“I know,” she whispered, staring down.

“Are you ready for this?”  He rubbed her arm.

“I don’t know.”

“I wish you didn’t have to see her this way.  This isn’t like her.  She should have never overdosed.”

Devon gasped.  She didn’t know why.  She knew that was the reason Hadley was here, but saying it out loud sounded so much worse.

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she was suddenly glad that she was outside the room.  All the adrenaline from getting to Hadley was wearing off, and she felt exhausted.

Brennan’s arms wrapped around her, and she leaned into him, thankful that he was here, that he hadn’t gone into work.  He kissed the top of her head, and he held her in his arms as she cried through the pain.  She was crying for more than Hadley, but the knowledge of what Hadley had done was the most potent at the moment.  Why were things falling apart?  She felt so guilty for being happy with Brennan this morning when Hadley was suffering all alone.

“You couldn’t have done anything about it,” he whispered against her hair.

“I know,” she said.

“You don’t.  But she’ll be okay, and she’ll realize it was her mistake.  You can’t blame yourself.  It’s not your fault.”  He was rocking her gently.

“I know,” she repeated.

“You can’t have this on your shoulders, too,” he said, pulling back to examine her.

He bent down and firmly pressed his lips to hers.  Devon sighed into him, thinking she would never get tired of this.

“Chin up.  Let’s go see her.”

“Alright,” she said shakily.

They turned the corner and walked up to the nurse.

“We’re here to see Hadley Bishop,” Brennan said to the nurse.

“One moment please.  Let me see if she can have visitors,” the nurse said, staring down at her computer.  The nurse spoke through an intercom to someone and waited for a response.  “Alright, you two can go on in.  She is in room six.  Please be mindful of the nurse working.”

“Thank you,” Brennan said with an appreciative smile.

They walked through the door into the ICU.  It was a large hallway of rooms with all glass doors on each side.  Each room was easily accessible from the nurses’ station.  They walked down the hallway to Hadley’s room.  Just as they arrived at the glass door, Garrett walked out and slid the door back into place.

Devon’s stomach lurched at the memory of his body covering hers.  He wouldn’t meet her eyes, and she was glad.  He should be ashamed.  He looked the worse for wear, and Devon wondered how long he had been here with Hadley.  The pang of guilt hit her again.

“Glad you made it,” Garrett said, finally looking at her.

She glanced away, not having the strength to challenge him.

“We would have come sooner, but Devon’s phone was off,” Brennan said with a shrug.

“You had your phone off at work?” Garrett asked, confused.

“I didn’t have to work today,” Devon said, not sure why he even cared.

“She was already with me,” Brennan explained before Garrett could ask another question.

Garrett’s eyebrows scrunched together, and his eyes wavered between them.  She didn’t want to know what he was thinking.

“Can we see her now?” Brennan asked impatiently.

“Oh, of course,” Garrett said as if he hadn’t realized his body was blocking the entrance.  “She’s doing a lot better than when they first brought her in.  She’s sedated, and they pumped everything they could out of her system.”

Devon glanced through the glass at her best friend, and a sob escaped her throat when she saw her.  Sure, they had been estranged this summer, but Hadley was still her best friend.  They had lived together for almost three years, drank at stupid frat parties together, figured out how to cook together, had girlfriend weekends, and so much more.  Nearly all her happy memories from college were with Hadley.  The worst part of her relationship with Reid had only happened after Hadley left, and it made her sad that six months could change so much.

Her Hadley was the same person as the one who was now lying in a hospital bed, breathing with the assistance of a ventilator and looking as white as the blank sheet covering her body.

“The doctors said that she was lucky to be with other people last night.  Her friends brought her in when she became unresponsive, and then they disappeared as soon as they dumped her at the ER,” Garrett said.  “The doctors aren’t sure what she was on. So far, they’ve found the primary source to be cocaine.”

“Which explains the sedative,” Brennan said almost to himself.

“Yeah,” Garrett agreed.  “But she was clearly drunk and had taken some pain pills as well.  From listening to the doctors, I gather they were some pretty strong ones.”

“She’s so pale,” Devon said softly.

“I just…I can’t believe she would do this to herself,” Garrett said.  “We fought, but that shouldn’t have been an excuse for…for this.”  He gestured toward Hadley.

Brennan said something quietly to Garrett, but Garrett just continued to stare at Hadley as Brennan talked.

Devon walked inside the room and over to Hadley’s side as the guys talked to each other on the other side.  She tuned them out and sat heavily in the chair next to the bed.  She took Hadley’s hand in her own, surprised to find it was so hot it felt like it was on fire.  Devon curled her fingers around Hadley’s hand anyway and leaned her forehead against it.

“I’m sorry, Hadley,” Devon whispered.  “I’m sorry for knowing and not doing enough.  I’m sorry for putting you in a rough place.  I’m sorry for using your weakness to my advantage.  That’s a shitty thing for a friend to do.  I’m sorry for not being your friend since I got here.  I wish I could tell you everything I’m sorry for, but I don’t think you would want me to be here all day and night.  Mostly, I’m sorry that we’re not close like we used to be.  I don’t know who pushed the wedge in between us, but I don’t like it.  I kept secrets…you know I did.  But you were keeping them, too, and then you pushed me away when I was trying to help you.  I don’t blame you.  How could I ever blame you?  I’m just sorry it came to this, and I hope that when you wake up, we can fix this.  You’re my best friend.”

Devon squeezed her hand and stood before she the tears came.  She couldn’t cry again.  She had cried too much.

“Is she going to…be okay?” she managed to get out before covering her mouth at the thought.

“Yeah, the doctors said she would be okay physically,” Garrett told her.  “Mentally and emotionally though will take time.”

Hadley would be okay, alive.  She would wake up soon and start to recover.  She would learn from her mistakes, and then they could all move on.

But today, she wasn’t okay, and today, it wasn’t alright.  Today, it was painful and terrible and heartbreaking.  Today, Devon would let herself feel it because it would make her better tomorrow.

“I’m going to…go get something to eat,” Devon said, not meeting the guys’ eyes as she walked past them.

“Do you want me to come with?” Brennan asked, brushing her arm with his fingers.

She smiled at him and shook her head.  She wanted to be alone.

Devon made it out the door and a few feet down the hallway when she heard footsteps behind her.  She turned, her heart rate picking up drastically.  After all her nightmares about being followed, she couldn’t shake that uncontrollable fear.

“Devon, can we talk for a minute?” Garrett asked, walking toward her.

“I’d rather not,” she said.  Her chest was aching, and she just wanted to find a place to be alone.  Couldn’t he see that?

“I just wanted to apologize for last night.”  He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

“I really don’t want to deal with this right now, Garrett,” she said.

“I know.  I was an ass.  Devon, please…I don’t know what I was thinking. I was really upset about Hadley,” he said, stepping in closer and reaching out for her arm.

“Please don’t touch me,” she said, pulling back quickly.

“Sorry.”  He dropped his arm.

“Can we just not do this right now?  Hadley is in there, unconscious.  That is what’s important.  Let’s just…deal with that first.  I don’t even want to think about last night or what happened.”

“Devon—”

She held up her hand.  “Please…just…no.  I can’t talk about it yet.  I need some time.”

Garrett nodded and took a step back.  “Alright.  I can give you time,” he said with a sigh.

Devon turned on her heel and walked away from Garrett, leaving him standing alone in the hallway.

Despite all the terrible things that had happened this week, she felt strong, stronger than she had in a long time.

HADLEY WAS RELEASED from the hospital three days later.  She was required to see a psychiatrist who would monitor her progress.  Her doctors had decided it wasn’t attempted suicide, so they were lenient with her discharge.  If it were up to Devon, she would have pushed Hadley straight into rehabilitation, but Hadley could talk her way in or out of anything.  Once Hadley had regained consciousness, the last thing she wanted was to be in the hospital for any longer than necessary.

Devon had camped out on Brennan’s couch until Hadley returned to Garrett’s apartment.  She hadn’t felt right about going back with just Garrett there.  His hospitality had run its course.  Still, she couldn’t be away from Hadley when she came back, and Devon didn’t want her to know what Garrett had done.  Hadley had too much stress as it was, and adding Garrett’s stupid mistake on top of that would be catastrophic.

Hadley had received a temporary medical leave from work so she could recover.  She slept a lot, which Devon thought was good.  It was better than feeling the withdrawal pains she was experiencing.  Devon didn’t even bother to ask how much Hadley had been using because it was pretty obvious that the answer was going to be way too much.  Whatever the drug use had started out as, it was far from casual now.

While it was a relief to have Hadley alive and back in the house again, it didn’t make the living situation any better.  When Devon and Garrett weren’t taking care of Hadley, they tiptoed around each other.  Devon probably should have been gentler with him at the hospital.  They had both been grieving, and she had snapped, but her pride held her tongue.  She couldn’t admit that to him, but either way, he never should have touched her.

“Hey,” Devon said, walking into the living room.

Hadley had taken up residence on the couch ever since she had returned.  She was back to watching Millionaire Matchmaker and bad Lifetime movies.  At least, some things had remained constant.

“Hey,” Hadley said with a smile when Devon walked into the room.

In the few days that Hadley had been home, color had come back to her cheeks.  The week off was already doing her some good, but Devon knew the battle was far from over.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not so bad today,” Hadley said, staring down at her nail beds.  “It’s getting easier at least.”

“That’s really good to hear.”  Devon leaned against the wall.  She was so thankful that Hadley was alive.  Not everyone was so fortunate.

“What about you?  How are you doing?”

Devon shrugged.  “I’m alright.  No work today.”

“Off on a Saturday?  That’s a shocker.  And here I was under the delusion that Jenn was a slave driver,” Hadley said with a laugh.

It was nice to hear her laugh again.  Hadley was turning back into her friend.

“Don’t let her think otherwise!” Devon said, cracking a smile.

“Hey, Dev.  Will you come here for a minute?”  Hadley sat up in her seat.

“Sure,” Devon said, taking a seat at the end of the couch.

“I kind of wanted to…talk to you.”

“What about?” Devon asked, her heart rate picking up before she even knew what Hadley would ask.

“Well, first, I wanted to say thank you,” Hadley whispered, staring down at her hands.  “You’ve been really helpful here, taking care of me.  Garrett told me that you came to see me in the hospital.  I wish I had been awake to see you.  But also,” she said, looking up at Devon, “ thank you for trying to get through to me even when I wasn’t listening.”

“Hadley,” Devon said, waving the thanks away, “you don’t have to thank me.  I’m your friend.”

“I know, I know, but I really wanted to.  I want you to know…you’re my best friend, and I shouldn’t have done what I did,” Hadley said.

Devon nodded, reluctantly accepting the thanks.  She felt bad taking them, especially after she had taken advantage of their friendship, after Garrett had kissed her, after she had held back all her own secrets.  But what else could she do?  Hadley wanted her to accept the gratitude, and she couldn’t deny Hadley anything.

Hadley cleared her throat.  “Well, I’m glad that’s out of the way.  Now, tell me how things are with you.  I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever.”

“Oh, things are fine, Hadley,” Devon said awkwardly.  She didn’t want Hadley to know about Garrett or Reid.  She wanted anonymity.  Most of all, she wanted to move on, and right now, moving on looked like Brennan’s handsome face.

“Fine,” Hadley said, weighing the word.

“Yeah.  Really, I’m fine.”

“Look, I don’t want this to come off the wrong way because I know I just majorly fucked up.  But what’s wrong with you?  Not knowing makes me feel even worse because you’re my friend, and I can tell that you’re sad.  I just don’t know how to help because I don’t know what’s wrong,” Hadley said, staring directly at Devon.

“I just, uh…” Devon began.  She didn’t know what to say, but she knew that she had to tell Hadley something.  “Reid and I are kind of on rocky footing.”

“I knew it!” Hadley shot up, immediately regretted it, and slumped back into the couch.

“I think we broke up,” Devon said, finding the reality of that to be truer the more times she said it.

“Holy shit!” Hadley cried.  Forgetting how hurt she was, she quickly moved to sit next to Devon.  “I can’t believe you guys broke up!”

“I know,” Devon said truthfully.

“I thought you guys were perfect together.  What the hell happened?” Hadley asked in shock.

“I don’t know.  I came here, I guess.”

“Wow.  I never thought long distance would be your undoing,” Hadley said, shaking her head.

“Well, I didn’t exactly tell him where I was going,” Devon finally admitted, feeling the weight lift.

“What?” Hadley asked, her eyebrows coming together.  “So, he never knew you were here?  Did you guys break up before you left?”

“Yeah.  Well, sort of.  I don’t know.  Either way, it’s over now,” Devon said with a note of finality.

“Holy shit!  Seriously, holy shit, Dev!  You and Reid are no more.”  Hadley put her hands on her head and shook it back and forth.  “I’m totally shocked.  Sorry.  Give me a minute.”

Devon laughed.  “Take as long as you like.”

“Well, no wonder you’ve been sad!  God, I should have just asked earlier,” Hadley said with a giggle.

“To be honest, Hadley, I’m not sure I would have told you.  I’ve been kind of moping around—”

“Ya think?” she asked, nudging Devon’s shoulder.

Devon laughed and nudged her back.  “But I’m glad you know now.”

“Me, too,” Hadley said with a smile.

She looked healthier in that moment than Devon had seen since she had arrived.  She was happy to have Hadley back to her old self again.  Devon just hoped it was sustainable.

“Well, I have to get out of here.  Sorry to leave you all alone,” Devon said, standing.

“Where are you going?  I thought we could have some girl time,” Hadley said, sticking out her bottom lip.

“I’d love that, but I’m going somewhere with Brennan,” she said, not able to hold back her blush.

Hadley arched an eyebrow.  “With Brennan, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Where are you guys going?”

Devon shrugged.  “He won’t tell me.  He said he wanted it to be a surprise.”

“A surprise?”  Hadley didn’t even bother to hold in her smile.  “Uh-huh.”

“Stop doing that!” Devon said, laughing.

“Doing what?” Hadley asked innocently.

“Oh, you know what!”

“I mean, Brennan’s good-looking, Devon.  I don’t blame you.”

“Hadley!  Jeez, we’re just hanging out,” Devon said.

They had been hanging out all week—with their lips locked, playful touches at work, eyes staring across the room, and their hands exploring one another.  Devon’s cheeks heated as she thought about it.

“Hanging out,” Hadley said with air quotes.  “I sure hope that involves a bedroom.”

“Oh my god, seriously, you are ridiculous,” Devon said, shaking her head.

“Just look at you!  You’re blushing from head to toe.  Who knew I was actually the matchmaker?” Hadley said exaggeratedly.

“Go back to watching your silly show!  I have to get out of here,” Devon said.

“Wait, wait!” Hadley cried as Devon tried to ease out of the living room.  “Have you made it to the bedroom?”

“Hadley!”

“Alright, alright.  Go have fun!  I would have already told you though!” she called as Devon rushed out of the apartment.

Devon could hear Hadley’s laughter, sweet and melodic, as she pulled the door closed.  At least, Hadley was laughing again.

Devon walked down the hallway and took the elevator to the bottom floor.  It was early, so Devon started walking toward the L station on her way to Brennan’s place.  When she pulled out her phone to text Brennan, she found it was already ringing.  She hadn’t noticed it was set on silent.

“Hey!” Devon said.  She was glad to hear from her brother.  It had been a while since they had talked.

“Hey, Dev.  Can I just tell you how much I hate you right now?”

Devon laughed and shook her head.  “Why is that?”

“Because you’re in St. Louis, and I’m in New York City with Mom and Dad.  How exactly did you get out of this?” he asked.

“I didn’t take the bait like you did!”

“This is supposed to be for your birthday!”

“No,” Devon said, “we both know it’s for Mom.”

“Yeah, speaking of, she wanted me to call and guilt-trip you for not being here.  I mean, she wanted me to tell you how much she misses you and wished you could be here,” Dustin drawled.  He had never given up his Southern accent.

“Well, tell her that I’m so sorry even though I’m not, and good luck at the award ceremony, even though she doesn’t need it,” she said.

“Word for word, Dev.  Word for word.”

Devon laughed.  “Ass.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“No, really, tell Mom and Dad good luck and that I miss them.  I have to go,” she said, wanting to get off the phone before she reached the train station.

Devon couldn’t believe that she had actually gotten this far without anyone growing suspicious.