Текст книги "Following Me"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

“That’s the thing.  I don’t even know.  It all just escalated and got way out of hand,” Hadley said, glancing off into the distance.

Devon knew that look anywhere.  She was lying.  Everyone was lying to her.  It was only fitting, considering she was lying to everyone else, too.

“Hadley, come on.  I know you too well.  What happened?” Devon prodded.  She took a chance and reached out to touch Hadley’s hand.

Hadley flinched but let her take it.

“You can tell me what happened.”

“I wasn’t in a good place the night it happened.  I was trying to stay off of it for the show.  It was…bad.  Then, he kept acting so funny, and he made some fucking cocky remark.  I freaked out and started yelling at him.  I don’t know, Dev.”  She stared at the ground with an expression on her face like she did know.  “I think he might be cheating on me.”

Devon stared at her with her mouth hanging open.  Garrett?  Cheating on her?  No.  That didn’t make any sense.  That just didn’t add up.  When would he have time to do that?  He worked all day when he didn’t live in the gym.  His body was a testament to his dedication in that area.  The only other time he was awake and not with Hadley was when he was goofing off with Devon late at night.

Also, how could Hadley even freak about him doing something like that when she was doing drugs and hiding it from him?  Okay.  Devon would give Hadley some credit.  Devon would freak about that too, but it was kind of hypocritical, not that she would ever say as much to Hadley, who looked devastated.

“Oh, Hadley, no way.  How could you think that?  He’s so into you,” Devon said.

Hadley shrugged.  “I told you.  He’s been acting so weird.  I thought he was just as into me as you said, but lately, he hasn’t wanted to come to bed with me.  I mean…fuck, we haven’t had sex in two weeks.  Two weeks!  We used to not be able to go two days!”

Devon didn’t want to think about Hadley’s sex life right now.  Hers was nonexistent at the moment.

“You guys have both been under a lot of stress.  I’m sure it’s all just a misunderstanding,” Devon said, trying to reassure her friend.

“If you knew anything, Dev, you would tell me, right?” Hadley asked, staring at her straight in the eye.

“Of course!” Devon said automatically.

Hadley looked at her for a second before nodding and looking away.

“Maybe you’re right,” Hadley said finally with a heavy sigh.  “I have this Fourth of July dinner with Garrett and his family tonight.  I was freaking out about it.  I even considered canceling.  I don’t know.  His family is even weirder around me.  I wish you could come with,” she said impulsively.

“I have to work,” Devon said, wanting to be as far away from that get-together as possible.  After a day like today, she would prefer to be in bed before the fireworks.

“You think it’ll all be fine?” Hadley asked.

“Just be yourself.  How could they not love you?”

“You’re right,” she said, regaining the strength that Devon had always loved about her.

“But I wouldn’t…use anything before you go,” Devon cautioned.

Hadley shook her head.  “I wouldn’t.”

Devon really wanted to believe her.

SWEAT BEADED ON Devon’s temple, and she wiped it off her forehead and out of her eyes.  The party had been going on all night, and it was nice to loosen up and get lost in the music and dancing.  She hadn’t partied in so long, and she couldn’t resist when Amy had actually invited her out.  Either Amy was getting over her hatred for the new girl, or Devon had just been there long enough that she wasn’t considered the new girl any longer.

People were packed into the club, shoulder-to-shoulder, many even closer than that.  The music was earsplitting while the crazy lights traversed the warehouse-sized room before they alternated to strobe lights.  Everything began moving in slow motion.  She hadn’t had much to drink, but she was dizzy from dehydration and the energy in the room.  Her tank top was sticking to her back, and she had long since pulled her hair up off of her neck into a ponytail.

God, I need another drink, she thought.

Her eyes moving around the room, she took in as much as she could from her vantage point, but it only ended up being the two feet circling her.  Amy had to be somewhere inside the building.  How had she lost track of her?

Well, she knew how.  There were too many damn people in the place.  It was easy to lose one person, especially when that person was as short as Amy.  Still, Devon should have been better at keeping track of Amy.  Devon didn’t like being alone in dark places.  Whether she was surrounded by people or in a back alleyway at night, she was still alone.

She craned her head to look for Amy, but she was having no luck.  It felt like more and more people were being crushed into the space.  How was this in line with the fire code?  Surely, the place would be shutdown soon.

Walking in the direction of the bar, Devon tried to find Amy in the crowd.  Seriously, it was getting harder and harder to maneuver through the room, and she had to elbow people out of the way.  This wasn’t okay, and it wasn’t fun.  They shouldn’t let any more people in.  Things could get out of control.

Devon looked up over the heads of people in front of her and sighed.  It felt like she was never going to reach the bar.  There was a huge line anyway.  She thought maybe the restroom would be a better alternative.  At least there, she would have some privacy.

She turned to walk the other direction and slammed right into a meaty guy who glared at her as she lost her balance and tumbled to the floor.  Someone stepped on her hand as she tried to get up.  Devon swore and hissed, pulling her hand away from the ground so no one else could do the same thing.  She stood as best as she could, cradling her aching hand.  Pushing through people with one hand pressed between her breasts to keep someone else from smashing into it wasn’t easy.  All it did was cause people to unknowingly smash into other parts of her.  She hadn’t made it more than a few feet toward the restroom, and she had already been elbowed in the arm, gotten her foot stepped on, and been drunkenly body slammed, knocking the breath out of her.  The club was getting dangerous.

As a space opened in the crowd, she took advantage, rushing forward through the throng of people.  It got her closer to the restroom but not close enough.

Then, she felt it—eyes on the back of her head.  She didn’t even know how it was possible.  Hundreds of people were in the place.  No one could be focusing that intently on her, but she could swear that someone was watching her.  The feeling crept up her spine, forcing her to move faster.  She didn’t know where Amy was, but getting away from this place felt like it made more sense than looking around for her.

Finally bursting off the dance floor, she rushed past the huge line of people waiting for the restroom.  They all cussed at her as she passed them by and walked to the front.

“Just checking my hair.”  Devon looked over her shoulder and rushed into the restroom before someone could say anything further.

As soon as she walked through the doors, she felt water underneath her heels.  As she slid across the floor, she tried to right her balance, but instead, she crashed down on her hands and knees.  Devon cried out as pain shot up her arms and legs.  Shock hit her like a tidal wave.  Her right knee had taken most of the impact, and it was on fire.  She was sure that she had broken the skin.  Tears rushed to her eyes as the pain hit her full-on.

How can I be so clumsy? she wondered.

Devon wondered if anyone would help her.  She wasn’t sure if she could stand by herself.  When she dragged her eyes up from the floor, she noticed that she wasn’t in the restroom of the club.  She was in a beautiful all white bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub and a walk-in shower.  Her heart raced as she took in her surroundings.

“Aww, what did you do to yourself?” the all-too-familiar voice asked.

Her body rattled, Devon slowly stood, using the bathtub as leverage to hoist her up.  She felt the blood from her knee trickle down her leg, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her.  Without another thought, she sprinted as fast as she could toward her pursuer.

He chuckled and moved out of the way.  Then, he approached her and pushed her back with just enough force to send her stumbling toward the snowy white bed.  She could have avoided the bed if he hadn’t been at her side.  He grasped her wrist, swung her arm behind her back, and pushed her into the bedspread.

She tried to scream through her tears as he all but pulled her arm out of its socket.  The pain in her shoulder was so blinding that she bent easily at the waist, forgetting about her hurt knees.

“Let go.  Let go.  Let go,” she muttered, trying to ease the pain off her shoulder.  “Please.  Let go.”

“Isn’t this what you want?” the voice asked.

With a chill running through her, she softly said, “Please let go.” She didn’t even know if he could hear her.

A hand came up and fisted in her ponytail, yanking her head back roughly. As he pulled her off the bed by her hair, she squeaked as he tugged some of the strands out.  He released some of the tension on her shoulder, but he tightened his grip on her wrist.  She was already starting to lose blood circulation in her fingers.

He brought her head back toward him but kept her facing the wall.  He whispered in her ear, “You don’t really want me to let go.  Do you?”  His voice was gruff but seductive.

She felt some her shoulders loosen, but her heart was still racing.

“I don’t want to let go, so I don’t see how you would want me to.”

Devon trembled in his twisted embrace.  She tried to clear her mind.  She needed to go blank.  She needed to forget since she couldn’t stop it or fix it.

This is my fault.  Why did I think I could run away?  I brought this on myself, she thought.

He lifted her skirt and pushed her back over the bed.

DEVON AWOKE WITH a start as someone shook her shoulder.

“Dev, wake up,” Garrett said, shaking her again.

“I’m awake,” she said hoarsely.

She was having a hard time thinking or even breathing right now.  Garrett was hovering over her bed, and he reeked of alcohol.  She was glad he had awoken her, but after that dream, the smell of alcohol was the last thing she wanted to wake up to.  The nightmares had never gotten that far before. As the reality of what had happened sank into her, she realized she had always woken up terrified before, but now, she wasn’t sweaty or crying or shaky.  She felt numb.  This whole time, she had been letting her walls crumble all around her, but with the memories of that dream, she had tightly locked it all up again.

“Have you been drinking?” she asked just so he would stop staring at her in the darkness.  She needed to compose herself.

“Yeah.  It’s the Fourth of July…well, it’s the fifth now,” he said, sitting heavily on the bed.

The covers fell down past her breasts, which were only covered by her thin nightshirt.  His eyes followed the movement, and for once, Devon was glad for the cover of darkness.

She pulled up the sheet.  “Why are you back already?”  She yawned as she read the clock.  Midnight.  “Aren’t you supposed to be out with your parents or something?”

“Change of plans.”

She could tell something was wrong by the set of his shoulders.  Her brain hadn’t caught up with her body.  She had crashed as soon as she had gotten home.  Waking up in the middle of the night made her groggy.  She couldn’t figure out why he would be home or what could be wrong.

“And you woke me—”

“Come drink with me.”  He grabbed her hand and tugged lightly, prodding her out of bed.

Devon yawned.  “I’m really not up for a drink.”

“You’re never tired this early.”

“I worked my ass off all day.”

“You can sleep in tomorrow.  Come have a drink with me.  I brought a bottle back,” he said with a boyish grin, his hand running back through his hair.

Devon sighed and nodded.  He wouldn’t be asking if something wasn’t wrong.  “Alright.  It better not be tequila.”

“Would I do that to you?”  He chuckled.

“Only if you hated me.”

“Which I don’t.  So, let’s go.”  He stood and padded out of the room.

When he left, Devon kicked out her feet from the bed and stood shakily.  She couldn’t believe that she was actually going to get out of bed to have a drink right now, and she didn’t want to face why she was doing it.  All of it hurt too much.

How long could a person go without sleeping?  She would do that if she never had to dream again.  Alcohol sounded like a better option than closing her eyes and living that dream all over again.

Still in her nightshirt and sleeping shorts, she slung a cardigan on and walked out into the living room.  Crashing down on the couch, she cuddled up with the throw pillow and tried to hold back her yawn.

Garrett walked out of the kitchen with two full shot glasses.  He set them on the table next to Devon.  She stared at them warily as he walked back into the kitchen.  He returned a second time with two whiskey glasses full of a dark brown liquid.

“You weren’t joking,” Devon said.

“Did I sound like I was?” he asked, staring at her.

“Guess not.  I’m going to get fucked up.”

“That’s the point.”  He handed her a shot of bourbon.

Garrett held out his glass, and Devon raised hers to meet his.

“To living the life,” he said.

Devon cracked up, thinking how far from that she felt, but when she looked up to his face, she could see the feeling was mutual.

“To living the life,” she repeated, taking the shot back.  It burned like a bitch, but she was from Tennessee.  She would have gotten nowhere if she didn’t know how to take down a good shot of bourbon.

Garrett slammed the shot glass down on the table.  “Fuck that.”  He returned to the kitchen and reappeared a second later with an expensive-looking bottle of liquor.

Devon’s eyes widened when she saw the label.  She had seen people drink it, but it was usually served neat out of a fancy crystal decanter.

Who did shots off of a two-thousand dollar bottle of scotch?  Apparently, they did.

Not being able to help herself, she asked, “Where the fuck did you get that?”

“I told you.  I got a bottle.”

“From who?”

“My parents,” he said with a shrug.

“Should we be drinking this?”

“That’s what it’s meant for.”  He poured another shot and handed it to her.

She stared at the liquid with a newfound sense of appreciation.  Her shot alone was probably worth a couple hundred bucks.  As the liquid slid down her throat again, she was glad that she hadn’t choked on it the first time.  Were people allowed to choke on really expensive scotch?

When Garrett started pouring another, Devon shook her head.

“No more for me unless you want me throwing up.  I need to stagger.”  Her head already felt heavy.

He shrugged and took the shot without her.

“So, why are you home?” she asked.

“Got into a fight with my dad,” he admitted.  The alcohol was clearly loosening him up some more.

Devon sat up as his head lolled backward.

“Tell me about it.”

“He hates Hadley.  He thinks she’s a waste of time and a waste of space.  He thinks I can do better.  He thinks I stay in the job that he helped me get with no ambition and no motivation to move up in the company.  He refuses to see that I hate the job and would do anything to get out of it.  But the thought of disappointing him any further kills me,” he said in a rush.  “He’s just a selfish bastard who hates his only son.”

Devon didn’t know what to say to that last part.  Her parents had expectations for her life.  How could they not?  But everything they did was out of love.  They would never push her so hard that they pushed her away.  Even now, when she was lying to them on a daily basis, she never thought that they would try to force her into anything.

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you,” she said softly, touching his hand.

Garrett scoffed.  “You don’t know the man.”

“But I know you.  I don’t know how anyone could hate you.”

“Well, I think you’re the only one left who doesn’t.”

“Garrett, what happened?” she asked.  “It can’t be as bad as you say.”

He offered her another shot, and she took it from him only because he seemed so desperate.

“Hadley and I show up at my parents’ house in the suburbs for the holiday.  Everything is going fine.  We barbeque, play football in the yard, and the girls are laying out by the lake.  Right before the fireworks, it all goes to shit.  My dad asks me about my job, and I say one thing that he doesn’t like.  One thing!  He flips out and starts lecturing me.  We start yelling back and forth loud enough for all of the guests to hear.  I wouldn’t back down.  I was tired of him always trying to assert his dominance over me.  I’m a grown man!  I told him I was going to quit.”

Devon gasped.  “Quit?”

“I’m really thinking about it.  I hate the work.  But it gets worse,” he said miserably.

How could it get much worse?

“When I refused to take his shit, he brought Hadley into it.”

“Oh no,” Devon whispered, imagining Hadley hearing all the things that Garrett’s dad thought of her.  She knew her friend too well to assume she would sit out of the conversation.

“Yeah.  You can imagine the things he said about her.  I’m ashamed to even repeat it.  Small town, white trash, gold digger.”  Garrett shook his head.  “He even called her a fucking drug addict right to my face.  I don’t know where he gets the nerve.”

Devon froze.  So, Garrett still didn’t know.  She wanted to tell him.  She really wanted to, but he was already so down right now.  She couldn’t be the one to break it to him.

“Hadley flipped out at all of his accusations.  Her screams only fueled my father, not that she didn’t have every right to yell back, but I think it proved to him what he thought of her all along.  And then she thought that I was somehow in on it.”

“What?”

“Her anger went from my dad to me, and then she just left.  I was seeing red after that, and I ended up punching through a wall in my parents’ house.  Hadley left upset and took my car.  I took this bottle of scotch and my dad’s Mercedes and got out of there, too.  Hadley won’t answer her cell.  I think we’re done,” he said, ending his story.

AFTER HIS DECLARATION, Devon and Garrett sat there in silence for a while.  Hadley and Garrett were done.  It couldn’t be true.  Hadley was head over heels for Garrett.  She had come to Devon just that afternoon, worried that he was cheating on her.  Hadley wouldn’t have left him for good.  She had probably just overreacted.

And that wasn’t a pleasant thought either.  Hadley’s overreaction in her state of mind was a recipe for disaster.  She had been trying to quit, but stress made people do stupid things.  Who knew where she was right now?  She could be out there somewhere overdosing on drugs.

Devon shuddered and pushed that thought out of her mind.  No way would Hadley be that stupid.

Garrett poured them both another shot, and Devon gladly took it this time.  She wanted to get that image of Hadley out of her head.  Devon was all sorts of dizzy, and she dreaded the thought of standing.  The scotch sure was potent.  She hadn’t allowed herself to drink much ever since her last vomiting experience after she had first arrived in Chicago.

“Hadley will come around,” Devon said softly.  She wasn’t sure who she was convincing.

He nodded.  “Can we just…talk about something else?”  He leaned his head back on the couch.

“Sure.”  But she didn’t have anything else she would like to talk about.  “What do you want to talk about?”

He was silent, considering an answer.  “Why did you leave St. Louis?”

“Uh…” she muttered.

“You said you ran away from your life.  What were you running from?” he asked, suddenly staring at her intently.

Devon glanced down at her feet.  “I think I’m going to need another shot for that.”

Garrett complied, and the fourth shot of scotch gave her courage.

He slid his hand on her shoulder and squeezed.  “It’ll be okay.”

She hadn’t realized that she had started shaking.

Devon moistened her lips and then turned to look at him.  This was just Garrett.  It wasn’t some stranger.  He had poured his heart out to her, so she could trust him with her secret.  Couldn’t she?

“Well, since you told me a story, I’ll, uh…I’ll tell you one of my own.”

“Alright.”  As he straightened some in his seat, he stared at her.

She swallowed and tried to meet his gaze.  How drunk was she?  Could she do this?

Taking a deep breath, she began.  “My mama always told me that once in a lifetime, you are given a chance at true greatness.  That you would know it when it happened, and it would be true love at its finest.  I believed her.”  Tears were already hitting her eyes.

“I wanted greatness, just like my mom.  Her greatness is my dad, and they found each other in their music,” she told him.  “When it hit me, I didn’t know how I could have ever lived another day without it.  I don’t know how to explain it, except to say it was like the universe was suddenly in alignment.”

“So…you fell in love?” he asked, scrunching his eyebrows together.

She could see he was wondering where this was going.  She didn’t blame him for his confusion.

“It’s…more than that,” she said, fumbling for the words.  “It’s not like fate or soul mates because that makes it sound silly, but it’s a sense of rightness of the way things are meant to be.”

“Alright.  I’ll buy that,” Garrett said.

He has no idea, Devon thought.

“Having that with someone opens everything up.  Everything is on the table.  Trust isn’t even a consideration because there could never be anything or anyone else.”

Garrett shifted uncomfortably.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Devon said.

“I doubt it.”

“Well, tell me,” she insisted.  This was hard enough without trying to read him, too.

“Sounds a bit like…obsession to me.”

Devon sighed.  “That’s what I thought you’d say.  I can’t explain it any other way, so try to be open-minded,” she said.  He would need to be open-minded.  “I’m not sure when it started exactly, but the sex changed.”

Garrett’s ears perked up at that.  “Changed…for the worse?”

She shook her head.  “For the better.”  Devon bit her lip.  When she saw that he was watching, she stopped.  She couldn’t believe she was telling this story.

“Not to say the sex was bad before because it wasn’t.  It was amazing.  In fact, I didn’t believe it could get better.  But one day, it was one way, and the next day, I was being held to the bed, forced to comply.”

“What?” Garrett snapped.  “Forced?”

Devon nodded.  “I didn’t think I would like it.  I mean, it sounds really bad.  It’s probably why I never talk about it.”

“Isn’t that…rape?” he whispered.

“Don’t use that word,” she said immediately, drawing her knees to her chest.  Not that word.  Anything but that word.  “It wasn’t like that.”

“Okay, sorry.  I didn’t mean to say…I don’t know what.  Just keep going,” he urged, brushing her blonde hair away from her face.

She looked back up at him, and he smiled.  Her mind blurred from the alcohol, and she scooted closer to him.  It was better to feel him comforting her through this.  “So, after that started, it never stopped.  It only escalated.  I don’t know if you want details—”

“If it helps you,” he said, allowing her to continue.

She took a deep breath.  Here goes nothing.  “He started getting creative—demanding me to do things at any time or any place, holding me down, sometimes choking me.  He would come home to find me in the shower and turn the water to the hottest temperature it would go.  He would bend me over into the scalding spray, and we would have sex like that.  I remember him waiting for me when I got home from school late one night.  He threw me over the hood of his car and told me to be a good girl.  We had sex at the end of the driveway under a streetlight. Anyone could have seen us.  And I let him.”

Garrett was staring at her with a mixed expression.  She wasn’t sure how much she should read into it.  He looked really interested in what she was saying. How could she blame him?  She was talking to a guy about sex, about a particular form of rough sex that he had likely never experienced.  The interest was mingled in there with something resembling disbelief.  She didn’t know if that meant he didn’t believe that she would put up with it or he didn’t believe someone would actually do this.  All she really knew was that he had adjusted his pants, and Hadley had been right about the size of the contents that lay within.

“I didn’t think I would like it at first, but as you can imagine…maybe…” She shifted her eyes away from him.  “Well, it kept things interesting.  I never knew what he was going to do.  That came with a price at times, but the more it happened, the higher the price I was willing to pay.  I trusted him completely…until something tipped the balance further.”

“Tipped the balance…how?” Garrett asked curiously.

“It stopped being about sex.  I have zero complaints about the sex.  When it stopped being about us, it got out of control,” she said, trying to explain.  “If I told people about this, I would tell anyone I know to try that kind of relationship.  I have never felt more safe and sexy and wanted.  You’re looking at me like you don’t believe me, but try it out first, and you’ll come around.”

She crossed her arms against his disbelief.  She would never be able to explain this to someone who had never experienced it, and she would never want to change how it had happened.  She would never take it back.

“It was more about him being in control that changed everything.”

“Wasn’t he in control during sex?” Garrett asked, looking more curious than judgmental.

“No, not exactly.  It was mutual.  He might have looked like he was in control, but it was consensual.  He would only give me as much as I could handle, and I wanted him to push those limits.  It’s a hard thing to grasp…”  She trailed off.

How could she explain the next part?  How could she make Garrett see the difference?  Sex was not the problem.  He was the problem.

“He changed, and it had nothing to do with the sex.  He needed to control me.  He had always been one of those people who asked where I was going and when I would be back.  He always had to know.  But then, he started asking why was I going there, and he started telling me when I had to be back.  Then, I wasn’t allowed to go at all.  I just wanted to make him happy because I love him so damn much, but he wanted all the control in my life, which left me with none.  That’s when I realized I was no longer a person anymore.  I was his object.”

Devon stopped trying to explain and went back into her story.  “I was home early from school one day.  I wasn’t expecting him, but I could tell something was wrong.  And it might sound strange, but I never thought he did any of these things out of anger.  He did them out of love.”

“You think he held you under boiling water out of love?” Garrett asked incredulously.

Devon glared at him.  “I didn’t say you would understand.  The sex was not a threat.  It had nothing to do with him being angry with me.”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly.  “Keep going.  It was my question.  I want to hear the answer.”

Devon didn’t want to continue.  She didn’t want to tell him the extent of her story.  How could he ever understand what she had gone through and why she had allowed it?  “I don’t know.  Maybe it’s not the night for this,” she said, standing on wobbly legs.

Holy shit, how much did I drink? she wondered.

“Whoa,” he said, jumping to his feet to steady her.

She didn’t know how he was more stable than her.  He had shown up drunk, and then he had proceeded to drink twice as much as her.  His hands were on her hips, holding her up, as her head spun so fast that she had to close her eyes.  She gripped the collar of his shirt to keep herself standing, and she felt more than heard his intake of breath.

Whoops!

“You should sit back down,” he said, guiding her back to the couch.  “I’ll get you some water.”

When he returned with a glass of water, Devon took a few sips of it, thankful for the distraction.  The more she talked about this story, the more she missed St. Louis, and the more she wanted to go home.  Her heart ached to feel that all over again, for it to be as it once was.  Maybe it could be like that again.

“Dev,” Garrett whispered, taking the drink out of her hand and placing it on the table, “what happened that day when you came home early?”

She didn’t want to recall the memories.  Suppressing them was easier than reliving them.  She tipped her head to the side and settled it against his shoulder.  That was easier than facing him.

“That day, he came home and hit me until I was knocked unconscious.”

She definitely heard Garrett’s intake of breath that time.

“I remember waking up, lying on the floor of my bathroom.  It was really cold, and I found I had been stripped naked.  I couldn’t stop shivering, but I was careful not to move too quickly.  My head was throbbing, and my body was splattered in bruises.  At first, I couldn’t remember what happened, but when he walked into the bathroom, it all came back to me.  I started crying from the pain and the disbelief that he would do this to me.  I remember his words.  ‘How could you make me do this to you?’  It was my fault.  It was all my fault that it had happened.”

Garrett squeezed her knee softly.  “Devon, it wasn’t your fault.”

A tear fell from her eye, and she let it roll down her cheek.  “It was my fault.  If only I had been better to him or if I had done more, he wouldn’t have gotten so upset.”  She took a shuddering breath.  “I never wanted to make him that unhappy ever again.  We had greatness, you know?”

“Dev—”

“I swore I would do better and try harder.  I wanted us to work.  We had to work.  I asked him to promise he would never do it again,” she whispered.

“But he didn’t?” Garrett asked.

“No, it happened again,” she said.  “Not right away, but it did.  I just couldn’t figure out how I could do any better.  I was everything to him.  I tried so hard to be what he needed.”

“If you think that, then why did you end up coming to Chicago?”

Devon could hear the desperation in his voice.  He didn’t understand.  He didn’t get what she had gone through.  This was why she had never told anyone.  She couldn’t break the silence only to suffer through disbelief.  She couldn’t stand the thought of people judging her, or worse, people pitying her decisions.  She had made the right choices for her at the time.  Now, what happened if she returned…