Текст книги "This Man Confessed"

Автор книги: Jodi Ellen Malpas

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Текущая страница: 33 (всего у книги 34 страниц)

Chapter 35

I’m in Paradise.

After Jesse got the all clear from the doctors a full week after he woke, we left the hospital, me leading him. He refused the wheelchair that was delivered to his room, which I wasn’t surprised about at all. My big, strapping man had been laid up for three weeks, dependant on others to care for him, so I couldn’t deny him the dignity of walking out of the hospital, even if it took us an hour. We returned to Lusso, where Cathy fussed and flapped around like a mother hen, ensuring cupboards were full, washing was done and the whole place looked like it did on the launch night before it had been lived in. Then I gave her a few weeks off. We needed privacy in our home. I needed to look after Jesse. I needed to nurse him back to the man who I know and love.

The first week was a washout. Streams of constant visitors plagued the penthouse, including Jesse’s parents. It’s still odd and a little strained, but I can see a light in my husband’s eyes that I never have before. It’s different to the sparkle of lust or the deepening in anger. This is peace.

The police paid numerous visits during that first week. It was probably too soon, but Jesse insisted on getting the chore out of the way so we could resume our normal. Patrick stopped by with my work colleagues, expressing his sincere apologies for putting me in such an awful situation, but he wasn’t to know, and neither was poor Sal. She’s well and truly back to dreary, plaid skirt wearing Sal, but she seemed happy enough. Mikael withdrew from the deal to buy Rococo Union and Patrick offered me my job back, but I politely declined and Jesse didn’t try to convince me otherwise. I can’t return to work, and I really don’t want to.

For the following three weeks after that first hectic one, there was constant contact, just how he likes it. We bathed every morning and indulged in hours of tub-talk. I re-dressed his wound, he rubbed Bio Oil into my tummy. I cooked breakfast, he fed it to us, both naked. He read his pregnancy manual out loud, I listened intently. He chose to skim past the parts that would put his ridiculous worries to rest, and I chose to snatch the book from his hand and read those parts aloud to him. He would scowl, I would grin. He wanted lots of sex, but I didn’t want to hurt him, which is ironic after the constant battle we’ve had in this aspect of our relationship since I’ve been pregnant. It’s been hard. My raging hormones are not improving.

Now, four weeks later, I’m spread eagled on the bed in the main bedroom of Paradise, I’m naked and I’m basking at the highest level of Central Jesse Cloud Nine.

‘Comfy?’

My head lifts so my eyes can locate the whereabouts of my Lord, finding him standing in the doorway of the bathroom, naked, just how I like him. ‘No, because you are not in here with me.’ I pat the mattress, and he blasts me with his smile—my smile. He doesn’t lie next to me, though. He spreads my legs and crawls up between my thighs, resting his freshly shaved chin on my growing tummy and looking up at me with those glorious greens.

‘Good morning, my beautiful girl.’

‘Good morning.’ My fingers seek out his wet hair, and I sink further into the bed on a contented sigh. ‘What are we doing today?’

‘I have it all planned out.’ he declares, nibbling on my midriff. ‘You will do what you’re told.’

‘Does it involve cards?’ I enquire casually, but far too hopefully. I’ll ensure that I lose this time, so there will be no need for the transfer of power.

‘No,’

I’m disappointed. ‘Does it involve twilight sleepy sex?’

I feel him grin around the flesh that he’s nibbling on. ‘Maybe later.’

‘Then I’ll do whatever you want.’ I advise him, my thighs clenching at the thought of another dreamy session in the sand, and my mind wishing the day away so later gets here faster.

‘Your day starts right now, Mrs Ward.’ He plants a set a loud kisses around my bellybutton before sitting up and straddling me. He reaches over to the bedside cabinet and retrieves an envelope. ‘Here.’

‘What’s this?’ I ask on a frown, gingerly taking it from him. I don’t like surprises from this man.

‘Just open it.’ he pushes impatiently, then commences nibbling that lip. My nerves increase when I see cogs starting to fly, too.

I’m not sure that I want to open it, but curiosity is drowning my apprehension, so I slowly pull it open, flicking eyes back and forth between Jesse and the envelope. Slowly pulling out the piece of paper, I unfold and read the first line.

Haskett and Sandler property management.

That means nothing to me. I read on, but I can’t make head nor tail of the legal lingo. I can make sense of the obscene amount of numbers that follow the pound sign halfway down the page, though.

‘You’ve bought another house?’ I blurt, looking over the paper at him. I say house but judging by the figure, which I now notice has the words ‘For the sum of’ written next to it, it could be a palace… or maybe even a castle.

‘No, I’ve sold The Manor.’ The lip biting has just sprung into the realms of cannibalism. He’s chomping furiously as he gages my reaction to that statement.

‘You’ve what?’ I’m trying to sit up, thinking maybe being upright might lessen the shock, but I won’t find out because I’m being pushed back down to the bed.

‘I’ve sold The Manor.’ He lays down over me and clasps the sides of my face in his bag palms.

‘I heard you. Why?’ I don’t understand. I planted the seed, I know, but I never expected him to take a bit of notice.

He smiles down at me and lowers his lips to mine, teasingly. I’m desperate to know what has instigated this, but I’m also desperate, as always, for his magic mouth. I drop the document and fall straight into the rhythm he’s set, finding his big shoulders and feeling my way up to his jaw. I’m distracted for now, but he won’t get away without an explanation on this. The Manor is all he knows, even if he’s not utilising the facilities anymore.

‘Hmmm, you taste heavenly, lady.’ He bites my bottom lip, pulling back so it drags through his teeth lightly.

‘Why?’ I press, keeping him close to me and wrapping my thighs around his narrow hips. I’m not letting go until he spills.

He gazes at me thoughtfully for a few moments before drawing breath. ‘You know when you’re a kid? At primary school, I mean.’

‘Yeah,’ I say slowly, my brow scrunched up, my eyes undoubtedly inquisitive.

‘Well…’ he sighs. ‘What the hell would I do if the babies asked me to go in for one of those open days these schools have?’

‘Open day?’

‘You know, when daddies stand up and tell their kid’s class mates that they’re a fireman or a copper.’

I squeeze my lips together, desperate not to laugh at him when it’s clearly a worry.

‘What would I say?’ he asks seriously.

‘You’d tell them you’re The Sex Lord of The Manor.’ It’s no good. I’m laughing. God love this man. My fast disappearing hipbone is grasped and my laughter increases. ‘Stop!’

‘Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, lady.’

‘Please stop!’

I’m released and recovering from my bout of hysteria when I catch his concerned expression. He really is worried. ‘You would tell them that you own a hotel, just like we’d tell the babies.’ I can’t believe I’m trying to give him an out. This, obviously, has always been a concern, but I never pushed it because I know what that big country estate means to him.

He rolls onto his back, and I quickly resume position and sit myself on him. He grasps the tops of my thighs and looks up at me. ‘I don’t want it anymore.’ He’s really adamant.

‘But it was Carmichael’s baby. You wouldn’t sell it when your mum and dad demanded it, so why now?’

‘Because I have you three.’

‘You’ll always have us three, anyway.’ He’s not making sense.

‘I want you three and nothing to complicate that. I don’t want to lie to our babies about my job. I would never allow them to spend any time there, which means my time with you and the babies would be limited. The Manor is an obstruction. I don’t want any obstructions. I have a history, baby, and The Manor should be part of it.’

I feel untold relief and the smile invading my face is proof of that. ‘So I get you all day every day?’

He shrugs sheepishly. ‘If you’ll have me.’

I dive on him, smothering him all over his wonderfully handsome face. But I’m quickly sitting up again when I think of something. ‘What about John and Mario? And Sarah? What about Sarah?’ I have no loyalty to the woman, despite my compassion, but I don’t want her attempting suicide again. However, John and Mario I love.

‘I’ve spoken to them. Sarah’s taking up an opportunity is the US and John and Mario are more than ready for retirement.’

‘Oh,’ I say acceptingly, but I suspect they’ve all picked up a tidy little sum for their services to The Manor, no matter what capacity in which they served. ‘And will the members re-new under the new owners?’

He laughs. ‘Yes, if they like playing golf.’

‘Golf?’

‘The grounds are being converted into an eighteen hole golf course.’

‘Wow. What about the sports facilities?’ I ask.

‘They’re all staying. It’ll be pretty impressive. Not much different to my set up, except the private suites really will be hotel rooms and the communal room will serve as a conference room for businesses.’

I can imagine it will be impressive. ‘So that’s it, then?’

‘That’s it. Now, I need to get you ready for the rest of your day.’ He goes to sit up, but I pin him back down.

‘I need to freshen up my mark.’ I point to his pec, where my perfect circle has nearly disappeared, then I look down at my own barely visible bruise. ‘And you need to work on mine, too.’

‘We’ll do it later, baby.’ I’m lifted and placed on my feet. ‘Go take a shower.’ He slaps my bum, sending me on my way. I wander off without complaint and with a stupid smile on my face. No Manor, no Sarah, and Jesse all to myself… and the babies.

* * *

After soaking myself under the lovely hot water and shaving everywhere, I dry my hair roughly and start rummaging through the wardrobe for something to wear.

‘I’ve picked something,’ he says from behind me, and I turn to see him wearing a pair of loose swimming shorts, holding up a short lace sundress.

‘It’s a bit short, isn’t it?’ I observe, running my eyes up and down the delicate piece of clothing, with tiny straps and a floaty skirt.

‘I’ll make an exception.’ he shrugs and unzips it before holding it at my feet. By that little statement, I assume we’re not going anywhere public. I watch him kneel for me to step into the dress, and he secures me before standing back and clasping his chin in his hand thoughtfully. ‘Cute.’ He nods in approval and takes my hand, leading me to the double doors that lead to the veranda.

‘I need shoes.’

‘We’re paddling.’ He dismisses my concern and leads on, walking around the veranda and over the grass until we’re at the gate that leads down to the beach. ‘Can we paddle on our backs?’ I ask cheekily, and he stops, looking down at me with amused eyes.

‘Pregnancy does wonderful things to you, Mrs Ward.’

I know my forehead has just wrinkled. ‘I always want you this much.’

‘I know you do. You’re missing something.’ he says, producing a calla lily from behind his back and tucking it behind my ear. ‘Much better.’

I reach up and feel the fresh flower, smiling up at him a little bemused, but far too contented to enquire further. He winks, kisses my cheek and leads on, turning when we get to the sleepers to ensure I take them carefully. ‘Watch that piece of splintered wood.’ he says, pointing to a jagged edge on one of the sleepers. ‘Careful,’

‘You should have left me put some shoes on, then.’ I grumble, missing that step and leaping down to the next.’

‘Ava, no jumping.’ he huffs. ‘You’ll shake the babies up.’

‘Oh, shut up!’ I laugh, jumping my way down the rest of the steps until my feet are warm and sinking into the golden sand. ‘Come on!’ I start to run down to the shore, but as soon as my head lifts from my feet to look where I’m going, I stop dead in my tracks.

They are all looking at me. Every single one of them. My eyes run down the line of people, noting everyone I know, including Jesse’s family. I gasp, a little delayed, and swing round, finding Jesse towering over me, looking down on a smile.

‘What are they doing here?’ I ask.

‘They’re here to witness me marrying you.’

‘But we’re already married.’ I remind him. ‘We are, aren’t we?’ I’m suddenly considering the possibility of him announcing that we’re not married at all, that The Manor, in fact, had no licence.

‘Yes, we are. But my mum and dad missed our day, and we should have done it this way before.’ He takes my hand and tugs my reluctant body gently, until I follow his lead down to the shoreline, where both of our family and friends are waiting, all smiling, all relaxed. They part, letting Jesse pull me through, and I look at each of them in turn, but all I get are happy faces, my brother smiling broadest of all. I can do no more than shrug a little, demonstrating my surprise. It’s only now that I register Jesse’s shorts are white and so is my sundress. We’re getting married again?

I’m positioned in the wet sand with the gentle waves lapping at my feet, and then we’re greeted by a man who looks as relaxed in his attire as Jesse and me and all of our guests. I’m quiet and accepting as he welcomes us and joins our hands in the space between our close bodies. I’ve been caught off guard, but I accept what is happening and repeat the words being asked of me as I look up into Jesse’s addictive eyes and smile around each and every word that I say to him. I re-affirm everything. I renew my promise to love, honour and obey him and I reach up to kiss him gently on his luscious lips when I’m done. I’m on auto-pilot, just doing what is asked of me, but not because I don’t know what else to do, but simply because it’s what I’m supposed to do. Despite everything, I entrust myself to this man. He leads the way and I follow. Because I know it’s where I belong.

When it’s his turn to speak, the registrar steps away and Jesse moves in closer, lifting both of my hands with his and resting his lips on them, leaving them lingering for the longest time. ‘I love you.’ he whispers, stroking his thumbs where his lips have just left. ‘An eternity with you wouldn’t be enough, Ava. From the moment my eyes fell on you in my office, I knew things would change for me. I plan on devoting every second of my life to worshipping you, adoring you and indulging in you, and I plan on making up for empty years without you. I’m taking you to Paradise, baby.’ He stoops and clasps me under my bum and lifts me high so it’s now him looking up at me. ‘Are you ready?’

‘Yes. Take me.’ I demand, running my hands into his hair and giving it a yank.

‘Oh, I took you long ago, Mrs Ward. But right now is where it really begins.’ He kisses me hard. ‘No more digging to get beneath me. You know everything there so to know. And no more confessions because I have nothing left to tell.’

‘I think you have.’ I whisper, nuzzling into his neck and taking a hit of him in all of his fresh water, minty loveliness.

‘I do?’ he asks, carrying me into the glimmering coolness of the Med.

‘You do. Tell me you love me.’

He pulls back, green eyes sparkling, my smile gracing his perfect mouth and his dirty blonde hair a glorious, dishevelled mess with my hands tugging demandingly at it. ‘I love you so fucking much, baby.’

I smile, dropping my head back and closing my eyes as he starts spinning us in circles, the sun warming my face and his body close to mine, warming everywhere else.

‘I KNOW!’ I scream, laughing before we’re under the water and homing straight in on each other’s lips. I cling on to him like my life depends on it because it absolutely does.

* * *

This is it. This is us. This will be our normal forever and ever, no more shocking discoveries and no more confessions. His two perfect mars on his insanely perfect stomach are a constant reminder of our journey together, but the relentless gleam of happiness in his shockingly green eyes is a continuous reminder that I still have this man.

And I always will.

The End.

Epilogue

Fuck me, how long have I got to endure my home being bombarded and my wife and babies being hogged? Too fucking long, that’s how long. Hours, probably. I should snatch their gifts and throw them a piece of cake before shutting the door in their face. I smile on the inside, picturing Elizabeth’s face if I did exactly that. This is going to be painful, and to rub salt into my moody wounds, we have school friends this year, too. And their mothers—lots of women, who have taken Ava up on her offer to stay, if they would like to. And, of course, they would like to.

My stroppy feet are pounding down the staircase of our lovely little Manor, as I button up my shirt and chew my lip, thinking of any excuse to avoid this. I come up with nothing. My babies are five years old today, and not even daddy’s amazing negotiation tactics will convince them that a party is a bad idea—not now they have their own mind. I’ve tried for the last four years and fallen flat on my face, but only because my beautiful wife always intervened on their behalf. I know this year, though, if I got them alone, I could break them down with something. Skiing again, perhaps?

Hitting the bottom of the stairs, I take a quick glimpse in the mirror and smile. I get better looking every day. I’ve still got it, and she still can’t resist me. Life is fucking good.

‘Daddy!’

I spin around, and my hard muscles liquefy as I watch my baby boy running down the stairs, his dark blonde hair a tousled mess around his handsome little face. ‘Hey, birthday boy.’ His greens sparkle as he launches himself at me, the good looking little fucker. ‘Whoa!’ I laugh as he slams into me, crawling up my body.

‘Guess what?’ he asks me, eyes wide with excitement.

‘What?’ I’m not feigning interest. I really am curious.

‘Nana Lizabeth said we can sleep at her house tonight. She’s taking us to the zoo tomorrow!’

I try to conceal my scowl and match his excitement. ‘Nana Lizabeth lives too far away, and Daddy likes taking you to the zoo.’ I say, throwing him up onto my shoulders and turning back towards the mirror. ‘See how handsome we are?’

‘I know.’ he replies flippantly, making me smile. ‘Nana and pappy live ten minutes away. I timed it on mummy’s phone.’

I’m swiftly reminded that my dear mother-in-law does, in fact, live ten minutes away. The beauty of Newquay couldn’t keep Elizabeth and Joseph away from their grandchildren—or my babies, more to the point. ‘Hey, I was thinking,’ I go for subject change, or distraction tactics—whichever. ‘We should go skiing again.’ I’m speaking in a stupidly over enthusiastic voice, hoping to snare him.

‘We already are.’ His little hands rest on my forehead, covering the frown that’s just jumped into place.

‘We are?’

‘Yes, mummy said so, and she said not to listen to you if you try to put us off our party.’

My shoulders sag, and I make a mental note to deliver on one retribution fuck, the conniving little temptress. ‘Mummy needs daddy’s money to do that.’ I’m shameless.

‘Why don’t you want us to have a party, daddy?’ His little forehead matches mine in the frown department, and I instantly feel like a bag of shit.

‘I do, mate. I just don’t like sharing you.’ I admit.

‘You can play, too.’ He reaches down and kisses my rough cheek. ‘Mummy will be pleased.’

‘Why will she?’ I know why she’ll be pleased. She’s intercepted me. Make that two retribution fucks—one for her interception and one for her smugness.

‘Because you’ve not shaved.’ He rubs his palm up and down a few times, and I smile at my handsome little man before striding towards the kitchen.

I halt at the doorway and spend a few moments drinking in the sight of my angel, frantically stirring a big mixing bowl of some brown shit, the curve of her perfect arse holding me rapt. Fucking perfect. My little man doesn’t pester me to push onwards. He just sits happily on my shoulders, waiting for his spellbound father to snap back into action. He’s used to me daydreaming, especially when his mother is around. I have no fucking clue what I’ve done to deserve this woman and these beautiful kids, but I won’t be arguing with the destiny Gods.

‘Shit!’ she curses as a blob of chocolate flies up and lands on her olive cheek.

‘Mummy! Watch your mouth!’

She swigs around, armed with a wooden spoon lathered in chocolate and scowls at my grinning face before turning her big brown orbs onto our son. ‘I’m sorry, Jacob.’

My grin widens and her scowl deepens. I’m so smug, and I’ll pay for it later. She can’t play the defiant little temptress with our babies around, and I love it. ‘What you making, baby?’ I ask, lifting Jacob from my shoulders and placing him on a stool. I hand him my phone to play with before heading to the fridge and collecting a jar of Sun-Pat.

‘Peanut butter cups.’ She’s all flustered, but I’m not offering my help. She knows I’m shit at cooking, and I’m not making this easier. Next year, I’m predicting skiing.

I’m behind her, looking down into the bowl, and I’m thinking that I might stick to jars. God bless her, she’s tried a million times, but she’ll never match my mum’s famous peanut butter cups. ‘How many jars of my peanut butter have you wasted on that?’ I ask, pushing myself into her back and not missing the opportunity to feel her neck out with my lips. She smells too good.

‘Two,’ She pushes the bowl away. ‘I want Cathy back.’

I laugh and spin her around, pushing her into the worktop, the wooden spoon waving in my face. I’m firming up, damn it. I can’t help it. I lean in, as I watch her watching me, and lick her cheek clean.

‘Don’t start something you can’t finish, Ward.’ she whispers on a husky, alluring voice. I’m solid now.

Fucking hell!

She pushes me away on a knowing grin. ‘I need to finish. Guests will be arriving.’ She’s smug again, earning herself a third retribution fuck. She knows what she’s doing—she knows there will be no countdowns or trampling with the babies around.

Or baby.

‘Where’s Maddie?’ I discreetly adjust my groin area before facing my baby boy, who’s oblivious to the goings on around him. It’s not unusual to see daddy loving mummy. I’ve had to seriously work on my control, though.

He doesn’t look up from my phone, but I can see his little face screw up in disgust. ‘She’s putting on her party dress. It’s all frilly. Nana bought it.’

My eyes roll, knowing that I’m going to find my baby girl looking like candyfloss has exploded all over her. ‘Why does your mother think my daughter needs to look like she’s been attacked with the pink stick?’ I sit myself next to Jacob and put the jar between us so he can help himself. And he does. His chubby little finger dives right in and scoops out the biggest dollop. My chest swells with pride, and I exhale around my own finger, looking back up to Ava for an answer.

Her eyebrows are high as she shakes her head at Jacob on a fond smile, but then her eyes are on me and she’s not smiling anymore. What did I do? ‘Don’t wind her up, Jesse.’

‘I won’t!’ I laugh. I bloody will, and I’ll enjoy every moment of it.

‘Nana calls you a menace.’ Jacob looks up at me, his finger still hanging from his mouth. ‘She said you always have been and always will be. She accepts it now.’ His little shoulders shrug.

A burst of laughter escapes and now Ava is laughing with me, her dreamy chocolate eyes sparkling, her succulent lips begging me to take them. Then she ditches the apron, revealing her tight, tidy little figure. I’m not laughing now. I’m panting and reaching under the table to try and bash myself down. It’s a constant fucking battle. ‘I like your dress.’ My eyes take a lazy jaunt down the length of her black fitted dress as I plan on how I’ll remove it later. I might be kind and let her wear it again, she really does look amazing in it, but by later, I know I won’t be in any fit state to take my time.

‘You like all of mummy’s dresses.’ Jacob pipes up tiredly, snapping my eyes from that body—the one that sends me insane with want.

‘I do.’ I agree, giving his messy mop of blonde a ruffle. ‘Speaking of dresses, I’m going to find your sister.’

‘Okay,’ he agrees, turning his attention back to my phone and re-dipping his finger.

I jump up and go in search of Maddie, taking the stairs two at a time and bursting into her pink infested room. ‘Where’s my birthday girl?’

‘Here!’ she squeals, appearing from her wendy house.

I nearly choke on thin air. ‘You are not wearing that, little lady!’

‘Yes, I am!’ She runs across the room when I start marching towards her. ‘Maddie!’ What the fucking hell? She’s five! Five fucking years old, and I’m already ripping hot pants and cropped t-shirts from her tiny body. Where the fuck is that frilly pink thing?

‘Mummy!’ she screams, as I catch her ankle on the bed. She can scream the fucking house down. She is NOT wearing that. ‘Mummy!’

‘Maddie, come here!’

‘No!’ She kicks me—the little sod kicks me and dashes out the room, leaving me a pathetic heap of stressed out daddy on her pink, fluffy bed. I’ve been outdone by a five year old little girl. But that little girl is the daughter of my beautiful wife. I’m fucked.

I stand and straighten myself out before going in pursuit. ‘Don’t run down the stairs, Maddie!’ I yell, practically throwing myself down them after her. I watch her tiny little hot panted arse disappear into the kitchen as she searches for the back-up of her mother.

I skid to a halt and watch her scrambling up Ava’s body. ‘What’s going on?’ Ava asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. I might have.

‘Look at her!’ I wave my hands at my baby girl like a deranged screwball. ‘Look!’

Ava places her on the floor and crouches down, pushing my baby’s chocolate waves over her little shoulders and pulling the hem of that ridiculous t-shirt down. She can pull it down all she fucking likes. It’s not staying on my baby’s body. ‘Maddie,’ Ava’s gone into pacifying mode, something, perhaps, I should have thought about before blurting the death words. I should have learnt by now; don’t tell Maddie no. It’s rule number fucking one. ‘Daddy thinks your t-shirt is a little small.’

‘I do.’ I cut in, just for clarification. ‘Way too small.’

My little lady flips me a scowl. ‘He’s being unreasonable.’

I gasp and point an accusing glare at Ava. She has the decency to look apologetic. ‘See what you’ve done?’

‘Daddy has the power!’ Jacob sings, halting any chance I had of scoring a win.

It’s Ava who’s gasping now. ‘You need to remember, Ward. These little ears hear everything.’

I do the sensible thing and shut the fuck up. My wife can’t hide her exasperation, and I don’t expect her to. I expect her to remove that pathetic excuse of a t-shirt from my baby girl’s tiny body.

‘He can’t dictate my wardrobe!’ Maddie fires across the kitchen, her chubby arms folding across her little chest. I look at my defiant temptress, noting she’s failing to hide that fucking beautiful grin.

Fucking hell! My hands fly to my hair and yank. I’ll have none of the fucking stuff left soon, especially when Ava gets her hands on it. I momentarily forget my turmoil and smile, mentally feeling her tugging at it while I slam into that beautiful body. But I’m soon back to reality with my little lady drilling displeased brown eyes into me.

I watch as Ava reasons with her before grasping her little shoulders and turning her towards me. ‘Maddie is ready to compromise.’ Ava tilts her head with a humour her look.

It doesn’t make me feel any better. I’ve humoured Maddie before, and it resulted in me carting her out of Waitrose over my shoulder while she screamed the place down and kicked me to death. I look back to Ava with pleading eyes, pouting like an idiot, but she just shakes her head and gently urges my wilful little lady towards me.

She’s smiling at me now, her arms reaching up for me to take her. She melts my fucking heart but Jesus Christ, what the hell am I facing in the years to come? I’ll be bald or maybe even dead. Or I could be in prison because if any little fucker lays his hands on her, I’ll rip their fucking heart out. I scoop her up and leave Ava to help my easy going boy put his converse on.

‘Dad, you need to calm down. You’ll give yourself a heart attack.’ She snuggles into my neck and my raging, crazy love for my defiant little lady is fully restored. But my wife gets her forth retribution fuck of the day.

‘It’s daddy. And you need to stop listening to your mother.’ I take the stairs fast and burst into her room, throwing her on the bed. My heart bursts, listening to her squeal in delight before she jumps straight up and starts bouncing up and down, her long, chocolate locks flying all over the place. ‘Right,’ I rub my hands together in an attempt to make what I’m about to suggest exciting. Where will I find her jeans and jumpers? I pull her pink wardrobe doors open and start skimming through the rails, immediately laying my hands on something full and frilly. I pull it out and hold the hideous thing up. She mirrors my look of disgust. ‘Your nana needs to stop buying you dresses.’

‘I know.’ She sits down and crosses her legs. ‘Will you trample her today, dad?’

‘Daddy,’ I retort, shoving the dress on the top shelf, out of sight. ‘I might do.’

‘It’s funny.’ she giggles.

‘I know.’ I pull out a cute little sailor dress. There are no sleeves, but I’ll find a cardigan. ‘How about this?’

‘No, dad.’

‘Daddy. What about this?’ I present her with a lemon, shin length brocade thing, but she shakes her defiant little head. ‘Maddie,’ I sigh. ‘You are not wearing that.’ God give me fucking strength quick before I wring her stubborn little neck.

‘I’ll wear tights.’ She jumps up and pulls the draw of her pink chest open. ‘These ones.’ she says, holding up some candy striped things.

I tilt my head on an agreeable nod. I can work with that. ‘What about the t-shirt?’

She looks down and strokes her little belly. ‘I like this one.’

‘Then how about we buy it in a bigger size?’ I’m compromising. I pull down a long sleeved, mint green t-shirt covered in love hearts and hold it up, all keen and smiley. ‘I love this one. Make daddy happy.’ I’m fucking pouting like a sad, desperate twat, and I can tell her five year old mind thinks I’m a twat, too.