Текст книги "This Man Confessed"

Автор книги: Jodi Ellen Malpas

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 34 страниц)

Chapter 16

‘What the hell?’ I jump up from my stool, only to be placed back on it before I can launch into my rant.

‘Ava,’ His tone is clipped and stern, not that I’ll take any notice, but then it very quickly occurs to me that Sam is oblivious to Kate’s straying ways, as is Jesse, so I aim my aggravation at my husband instead. ‘Who else have you told?’

His warning face soon drops. ‘A few.’

My lips purse. ‘You’ve told everyone, haven’t you?’ I can’t believe this man. My poor parents don’t even know that they’re going to be grandparents yet.

‘I might have.’

‘Jesse,’ I moan, completely deflated.

His adorable face takes the edge off my irritation slightly, and then he shrugs guiltily, completely diminishing the rest of my exasperation. ‘Can we visit my in-laws this weekend?’ he asks quietly.

‘Well, yes. We’d better before news travels and makes it to Cornwall before we do.’

He grins at me and stoops down to seal our mouths, his hand landing on my stomach and caressing my non-bump, while his tongue caresses my mouth. ‘You make me a very happy man, Mrs Ward.’

‘That’s because I’m letting you trample all over me at the moment.’

‘No, it’s because you’re beautiful, spirited, and all mine.’

‘My Man!’ Sam’s happy greeting distracts us from our moment. He claps Jesse’s shoulder and stands me up, looking me up and down. ‘I can tell,’ he says, staring at my tummy before lifting his sparkling blues. ‘You’ve got that healthy glow about you.’

I actually laugh, and I’m dying to ask if any of these happy well-wishers know of the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy. ‘That’s funny because I mostly feel like shit.’ I quip.

‘Mouth, Ava!’ Jesse snaps, but I snub him and move past Sam to take Kate’s hand. ‘Let’s sit over in the corner.’ I smile sweetly and lead her away from the bar. Her pale face is cautious, and it bloody well should be, but she doesn’t resist, letting me direct her away from the men to a little table in the quietest part of the busy bar.

I practically push her into a chair. ‘Okay, Matthews. Spill.’ We’ve got way past the fun excuses, so she’d better not even try. Not now my brother is involved, even if I don’t particularly like him at the moment.

‘So,’ she begins, all chirpy and unfazed by my sharp order, ‘It’s official then?’

‘What?’ I sit down opposite her.

‘The baby,’ she nods at my stomach. ‘You’re not getting rid of it.’

‘Kate!’ I blurt on a shocked whisper, making a quick check of the nearby tables. We’re safe, but her hard-hearted words have hit a nerve and for the first time since all of this sank in, my hand rests on my tummy protectively. And I feel untold guilt.

She smiles. ‘Ava, I knew you’d never see that through.’

I’m a little speechless. ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’

‘You needed to figure it out.’ She looks across to the men, who are all chatting at the bar. ‘I don’t get him, but look at that face.’ she says, smiling fondly at Jesse. ‘I was a breath away from telling him, Ava.’

I knew she would be. I follow her eyes and see a very happy man, but he’s always happy when we’re together, or he’s always happy when I’m conceding to him and his impossible ways. Whichever, I can’t deny how happy it makes me to see him like this and to know it’s me who does it—me and now his little peanut, too. Jesse catches my eye and flips me a wink, sending a comforting, warm shot of contentment deep into my heart, but then I remember that I have a friend with some explaining to do.

‘Hey!’ I blurt across the table. ‘It’s time to explain yourself.’

Kate returns her body forward and gives me a tired look. I don’t appreciate it. ‘I’ve told your brother to go back to Australia.’

‘Oh?’ I lean forward, utterly rapt by this news. ‘And is he?’

She shrugs. ‘I don’t know, but I haven’t heard from him since Saturday.’

‘I knew he was there.’ I’m scowling. ‘What happened?’

‘Sam happened.’ she answers quietly. ‘It’s not ideal, but we’re going to work on it.’

‘You mean The Manor?’

‘Well, yeah.’

‘Then why are you here now?’ I ask. If they are working on eradicating The Manor and all things kink from their relationship, then wouldn’t it make sense to avoid this place?

‘We’re having a drink.’

‘But won’t you be tempted to…’ I can feel myself burning red, and I could kick myself for it. ‘you know…’ I look up at the ceiling. ‘get your fix?’

Kate bursts into a hysterical fit of laughter, her palms hitting the table, making me jump back. ‘Oh, Ava. Considering you’re married to the man who owns this place, your primness is laughable.’

‘Clearly,’ I scoff, a little offended. I am not prim.

She gets her laughter under control and smiles fondly at me. I might not be delighted by her humour, but I’m more than happy to see her back to her old self. ‘We’re only going to have sex with each other from now on.’ Her face is somewhere between amusement and complete seriousness—amusement because I know my mouth has just fallen open, and seriousness because I know that despite her open-mindedness and blasé approach to her relationship with Sam, she really likes him, and that has never happened.

I close my gaping mouth. ‘I’m happy for you.’ I’m ecstatic, in fact. ‘So why are you here again?’

‘There are private suites.’ She grins.

‘Your bedroom is private!’

‘It is, but it’s not…’ her grin widens. ‘furnished suitably.’

My lips clamp shut, my eyes widen… and I laugh. Holy shit, the filthy little minx! ‘You have no shame.’ I’m really laughing, tears and all. It feels so good to be sharing this with my fiery friend, even if the topic up for discussion is a million miles away from what either of us would have guessed we’d be chuckling about just a few months ago. Plush sex clubs, The Lord of the Sex Manor—to whom I’m now married and with whom I’m having a child—and sexy, cute members of said Manor, one of which Kate is experimenting with. My life has turned upside down and inside out.

‘I can’t believe you.’ I snort. ‘And who have you and Sam invited to play? Before you made this new rule, I mean.’

Her blue eyes dance in delight. ‘A certain dashing, black haired moody type.’

‘No!’

She nods with wide eyes. ‘Just as moody in the bedroom. It’s hot!’

‘Fuck off!’

‘I will not!’ She measures out at least eight inches between her palms. ‘And he’s fucking brilliant with it.’

‘Oh God! Stop!’ I blurt on a hushed snort.

She falls back in her chair and fights to keep her laughter under control. ‘He might be good, but he can’t match Sam for stamina and skill.’ She sighs on a smile. ‘And he doesn’t make me laugh like that adorable twat.’

I can’t help the huge smile invading my face. She’s not said in as many words, but she’s just admitted to liking Sam. We have a breakthrough, and I’m so happy. ‘You don’t know how pleased I am to finally hear you say that.’

‘Yes, I do.’ Kate retorts dryly, leaning across the table. ‘Let me just tell you one more thing, and then we speak no more of Mr Moody, okay?’

‘Ooh, this sounds interesting.’ I mirror her pose, leaning in myself so our faces are only a few inches away from each other. ‘Dish.’

‘He has a piercing.’

‘Nipple?’ I ask, far too enthralled, but she shakes her head. I sit up straight and measure roughly eight inches between my palms. She nods. ‘No!’ I look over to the reserved, stand-offish Drew, my eyes automatically dropping to his crotch.

‘You won’t see it through his jeans, Ava.’ Kate chuckles, and I’m off again, too. Uncontrollable, belly clenching, might pee my knickers laughter. Through my tears, I see Kate stick her tongue in her cheek. ‘I nearly cracked a tooth.’

‘Please!’ I’m falling all over my chair. I’m helpless.

‘Something funny?’

I battle to pull myself together and wipe my eyes, looking up at my Lord of the Sex Manor, who’s staring down at his giggling wife with a bemused look plastered all over his face. ‘No, nothing.’ I bet he knew about this, which was why he persistently told me to mind my own business.

I refuse to look at her because I know she’s waiting for it, but I’m not giving her the chance to increase my fit of laughter with a private quip or a funny look.

Jesse sits down next to me. ‘Here’s your dinner.’ He signals Pete, who’s wandering over with a tray.

‘Ooh, I’m starving.’ I get myself comfy in my chair and smile a thanks when my steak is placed in front of me. ‘Medium?’ I ask, shoving a potato straight in my mouth.

Pete smiles fondly. ‘Just to your liking, Ava.’ He hands me a knife and fork, and then sets Jesse’s plate down. ‘Can I get you anything else, sir?’

‘No, thanks, Pete.’

‘I’ll leave you to eat.’ Kate makes to stand, but I wave my knife at her.

‘No, sit.’ I munch my way through my spud. ‘It’s fine. Sit down.’

She lowers to the chair again. ‘Okay, you don’t have to get all violent on me.’

Jesse’s hand is suddenly wrapped around my wrist and pulling it down to the table. ‘Don’t wave your knife, Ava.’ he cautions harshly.

I look at my knife, which is now safely set on the side of my plate. ‘Sorry.’ I start carving my way through my steak and sigh, long and satisfied as I plunge a piece into my mouth.

‘Good?’ Jesse asks, and I look at him, finding a pleased beam around his fork.

‘As always,’ I confirm before returning my attention to Kate, but I quickly realise that our new company is preventing any further questioning. In fact, I can’t think of anything to talk about now. All of the interesting stuff is now off the cards, even more so when Sam and Drew join us.

My chewing slows down, and I watch as Drew sits on one side of Kate, and Sam on the other. I’ll never look at them the same again, and damn if my eyes won’t stop wandering into Drew’s lap. A piercing? And a piercing there? I would never have thought, and I fail to prevent the small chuckle that spurts from my mouth around my mouthful of steak. Kate catches my eyes and sticks her tongue back in her cheek.

I choke.

I’m coughing and spluttering all over the place. Jesse’s cutlery hits his plate and his hand lands on my back. He starts smacking me. ‘Fucking hell, woman. Slow down, it’s not going to walk off your plate.’

This doesn’t help me in the slightest. I’m gasping for breath, trying to swallow down my half chewed piece of meat and through the tears that have sprung into my eyes, I can see Sam and Drew staring at me with perplexed looks on their faces, and my delinquent best friend with the biggest smirk spread across her pale features. ‘I’m okay.’ I wheeze, coughing again to clear my throat. ‘Went down the wrong way.’

‘Here,’ Jesse takes my knife and fork and replaces them with a glass of water. ‘Drink.’

‘Thank you,’ I accept the glass and gulp it all down, striving to avoid Kate across the table, but failing miserably. Her mischievous mood is like a magnet to my vulnerable state. This time she’s mimicking a blowjob, her fist casually wanking thin air in front of her mouth. I spit my water across the table, all over Drew and Sam, and I aim well because I catch Kate, too. Sam and Drew fly up from their chairs, but Kate stays exactly where she is, laughing.

‘Fucking hell, Ava.’ Jesse grabs a napkin. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ He starts dabbing at my mouth while I fall apart all over the place, hearing Sam and Drew cursing to themselves and Kate’s continued giggles.

‘I’m sorry,’ I laugh. ‘I’m so sorry.’ I look at Sam and Drew, both patting themselves down with napkins that Mario has brought over. I refuse to look at Kate, but I do cast my eyes around the bar, finding half of the occupants observing my little performance.

‘Are you okay?’ Jesse’s concerned voice drags my attention back to him.

‘I’m sorry,’ I repeat myself. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’ I do, and the wicked cow is sat opposite me, silently willing me to look at her. I don’t. I take my cutlery back and turn my eyes down to my plate, and that’s where I’ll be keeping them until I’ve finished my dinner. She’s loving this.

I see Sam lower back into his chair opposite me. ‘Is this what pregnancy does to women?’ he asks on a chuckle.

‘It’s better than mood swings.’ Kate snickers.

‘Yeah, let me know when they start,’ Drew pipes up. ‘I can handle being spat at, but I’m not up for a tongue lashing.’

Oh, good Lord! I can feel my shoulders starting to jerk up and down, and I know Kate is grinning at me again, but this time I control it. I keep my head down and work my way through the rest of my dinner.

‘I take it you’re done?’ Jesse says to my empty plate, pulling it away and handing it to Pete.

‘Hmm,’ I fall back in my chair. ‘That was heaven.’

‘We can see.’ Drew’s eyebrows are raised and following the clean plate to Pete’s tray.

‘Say your goodbyes, lady. It’s getting late.’ Jesse leans over the table and shakes hands with the boys before standing and giving Kate a peck on the cheek.

I join him and lean down to kiss each of our friends. ‘Ring me,’ I whisper to Kate as I pull away from her cheek.

‘I will,’ she sings.

As we exit the bar, Jesse looks down at me with enquiring eyes. ‘Gathered yourself together now, Mrs Ward?’

I meet his stare with a questioning look. ‘You knew, didn’t you?’

‘About what?’

‘About Kate, Sam, and Drew.’ I let him guide me through the entrance hall, but keep my eyes on his.

There’s no denying the flash of surprise that flies across his face. ‘Is that what you were laughing about? She told you?’

‘Yes,’ I confirm, wanting to add that she actually told me a lot more—a lot, lot more. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘And give you something to get your knickers in a twist over?’ he jibes.

‘I wouldn’t have.’ I announce confidently, as we crunch our way across the gravel. ‘Shall I take my giant snowball?’

‘No, you’re coming with me.’ I’m directed into the passenger seat of the DBS, but I don’t say a word. I don’t want to drive the humongous thing.

He starts the engine and cruises sensibly down the driveway, and it’s not until I feel his hand rest over mine that I realise mine is laid flat on my stomach. I don’t need visual validation that he’s looking at me, so I continue to watch the trees slowly passing the passenger window as I feel his fingers lace through mine and squeeze gently.

I smile to myself. This is just so right.

Chapter 17

There’s that familiar whirring again as I come awake. I sit up and immediately feel gut wrenchingly sick. Flopping back to my pillow on an enormous groan, I soon appreciate my error when my stomach turns, indicating that I haven’t got time to lay here and determine just how crap I feel. I’m going to be sick.

I dive from the bed, straight into the bathroom, where I just about make it to the lovely toilet before I decorate it with last night’s dinner. ‘No,’ I whine to myself as I yank at the roll of toilet paper. It doesn’t feel so right now. My body is completely rejecting my contented thoughts. I hug the toilet for an age, my head resting on my arms as I fight off the sweats and moan under my breath to the empty space surrounding me. ‘Rubbish,’ I grumble. ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ I look down at my stomach. ‘You’re going to be challenging like your father, aren’t you?’

On a long, drawn out sigh, I pull myself up and go to the bedroom, tugging on the nearest thing I can find, which happens to be Jesse’s discarded shirt from last night. I don’t bother to try and make myself look better because I want him to see me suffering. I go downstairs and meet him as he rounds the corner from the gym, looking all spectacular in his running shorts with a towel draped across his naked shoulders and his hair a mess of damp locks all over his glistening head. It makes me feel sicker.

‘Oh baby,’ he mumbles sympathetically. ‘Crap?’

‘Terrible.’ I try to pout, but my exhausted body won’t allow it. I’m just standing in front of him lifelessly, my arms hanging limply by my sides. I’m feeling mighty sorry for myself.

He picks me up and carries me into the kitchen. ‘I was going to ask why you’re not naked.’

‘Don’t bother,’ I grumble. ‘I’ll throw up on you.’

He laughs and sits me on the worktop, brushing my wild mane from my pasty face. ‘You look beautiful.’

‘Don’t lie to me, Ward. I look like shit.’

‘Ava,’ he scorns me gently. I don’t apologise, mainly because I can barely muster up the energy to speak. ‘You need to eat.’

I retch at the very thought of trying to get food into my stomach and shake my head pleadingly. I know that I’m fighting a losing battle. He won’t leave me alone until I’ve had some breakfast.

I hear the front door open and close, and then the chirpy sounds of Cathy singing. All I have on is Jesse’s shirt, but I can’t even find the strength to be concerned by that, so I remain exactly where I am, unconcerned, unbothered and very unwell.

‘Morning!’ she sings at us as she places her huge carpet bag on the worktop. ‘Oh dear. Whatever is the matter?’

Jesse answers for me, which is a good job because I’m incapable of speech. ‘Ava’s not feeling too good.’

I scoff at his understatement and direct my forehead straight to his chest. I feel positively dull—dead, even.

‘Oh, the dreaded morning sickness? It’ll pass.’ Cathy declares, like I don’t look like I’m ready to keel over. She knows, too, then.

‘Will it?’ I garble into Jesse’s chest. ‘When?’ I feel his hand stroking my back and his mouth in my hair, kissing me dotingly, but he remains silent. It’s a good indication that he would love to know the answer, too.

‘It depends. Boy, girl, mum, dad.’ she says, and I hear her flick the kettle on. ‘Some women have a few weeks of it, some struggle throughout the whole of their pregnancy.’

‘Oh God.’ I howl. ‘Don’t say that.’

‘Shhh,’ Jesse hushes me and increases the rubs of my back. I’m not even being a baby. It really is that bad.

‘Ginger!’

That one random word drags my splattered face from Jesse’s wet torso. ‘What?’

‘Ginger!’ she repeats, rootling through her bag. I look at Jesse, but he looks as equally confused. ‘You need ginger, dear.’ She pulls out a pack of ginger biscuits. ‘I came prepared.’ She pushes Jesse from in front of me and opens the packet, presenting me with a biscuit. ‘Have one every morning when you wake up. Works wonders! Eat.’

I wisely note that with Jesse hovering in the background and with Cathy behaving all motherly, there’s little point in refusing, so I take the biscuit and have a little nibble.

‘It’ll settle your stomach.’ She gives me one of her warm smiles and cups my cheek with her hand. ‘I’m so excited.’

I can’t match her enthusiasm, not when I’m feeling like this, so I smile weakly and let Jesse place me gently on a barstool.

‘The new boy gave me these,’ She hands Jesse a pile of post. ‘Cute little bugger, isn’t he?’

That makes me laugh, especially when Jesse lets out a disgusted snort and snatches the envelopes from her wrinkles fingers. ‘He’s very sweet.’ I confirm, suddenly finding the energy to form a whole sentence. ‘But won’t you miss Clive, Cathy?’

‘Oh, not at all,’ She gets the bagels out and holds them up, Jesse and I both nodding our acceptance. ‘He’s taking me out this evening.’

I nudge Jesse with my elbow as I nibble away at the edges of my biscuit, but I’m ignored. Instead of indulging my curious mind, he starts opening his post. ‘That’ll be nice.’ I chirp.

‘It will.’ she agrees, loading the toaster and fetching the eggs.

I’m happily chatting away to Cathy, eating my breakfast, listening to where Clive is taking her and filling her in on my recent bouts of sickness, when it strikes me that Jesse has been silent for an eternity. He also hasn’t moved. And his bagel is sitting untouched in front of him. I push his plate towards him. ‘Eat your breakfast.’

He doesn’t move, nor does he acknowledge me.

‘Jesse?’ He looks like he’s in a trance. ‘Jesse, are you okay?’

He flips an envelope over and runs his eyes across it. So do I.

Jesse Ward.

Private and Confidential

‘What is that?’ I ask.

He turns his eyes to mine. They are glazed and wary. I don’t like it. ‘Go upstairs.’

I frown. ‘Why?’

‘Don’t make me ask you again, Ava.’

I withdraw and try to assess him, but the only thing that I can determine is he’s not happy with me. Despite that, though, I know I need to get my arse upstairs before he asks me again. This is one of those times when I know not to argue. He’s starting to shake and though I have no idea what about, I’m certain it’s not for Cathy’s ears. I drop myself from the stool and excuse myself, leaving the kitchen and walking quietly up the stairs to the master suite, all of the time wondering what on earth is wrong with him. I don’t get long to ponder it. It strides into the room, still holding the paper and envelope.

He’s bubbling with anger. I can see it in the slight shaking of his hands and in the flash of black in his eyes. He pins me in place with an incensed stare. ‘What the fuck is this?’

My eyes fall naturally to the paper that he’s holding up, but I have no idea what it is. ‘What is it?’ I ask nervously.

He chucks the papers into the space between us. ‘You were going to kill our baby?’ He says it so calmly.

The ground falls away from under me, and I feel like I’m free-falling into a black hole of nothing. I can’t face him. My eyes are burning up with hot tears as they trace every square inch of the bedroom floor at his feet. My brain has failed me, but even if it did give some inspiration and load my mouth with the right words, I would be lying and he would know.

‘Answer me!’ he roars, and I jump, but I still can’t bring myself to face him. I’m completely ashamed of myself, and having spent the last few days with Jesse and seeing how truly blissful he is, how caring and attentive he’s being, the guilt couldn’t get any worse. I thought about terminating this pregnancy. I thought about ridding my body of this baby. His baby. Our baby. I’m inexcusable. ‘Ava, for fuck sake!’ Before I can even think to try and form any words, he’s grasping the tops of my arms and bending to get his face in my line of sight. But I still evade his greens, not being able to bare facing what I know will be there. Contempt… disgust… disbelief. ‘Damn it, look at me.’

I shake my head faintly, like the pathetic coward I am. He deserves an explanation, but I don’t know where to begin. My mind has completely shut down, like I’m protecting myself from the inevitable that will be Jesse flying off the handle. He’s pretty much there already.

My jaw is grasped harshly and pulled up so I’m forced to acknowledge him. My eyes are glassy with red-hot tears, but I can see with one hundred per cent clarity the hurt on his face. ‘I’m sorry.’ I sob. It’s the only thing I can think to say. It’s the only thing I should say. I am sorry for having such horrid thoughts.

His face crumbles before me, enflaming the guilt further. ‘You’ve broken my fucking heart, Ava.’ He drops me and stalks into the wardrobe, leaving me a pathetic form of shaking body parts. Sickness has moved aside and made way for crippling shame. I suddenly feel disgusted with myself, so I have a very good idea of what Jesse thinks of me.

He appears again with a handful of clothes, but he doesn’t stuff them in a bag or go to the bathroom to get anything else. He just walks out, still only wearing his running shorts. My throat has closed off on me, so I can’t even scream for him to stay. I’m paralysed on the spot, nothing working, except my eyes, which are releasing a relentless flow of tears. Then I hear the front door slam, and I find myself in a heap on the floor, silently sobbing to myself.

‘Ava, dear?’ Cathy’s soft, warm voice is only just detectable through my heaving. ‘Ava, my goodness, whatever is the matter?’ It must be glaringly obvious that I’m not suffering with morning sickness, and she must have heard Jesse bellowing at me.

I feel her squidgy body against me, and I instinctively turn into her apron coated body, wrapping my arms around her back.

‘Oh dear, oh no.’ She starts rocking me gently, shushing me and whispering quiet words in my ears. ‘Oh Ava, come on, dear. Tell me what’s happened.’

I try to form some words, but it just results in me crying even harder. My compulsion to spill my guilt, to share my remorse, is just emphasising how incredibly selfishly I was thinking.

‘Come on. Let me make you a cup of tea.’ Cathy soothes, hauling her round body up from the bedroom floor before tugging on my arm, encouraging me to stand. I just about manage it, and then I’m cradled under her arm and guided down to the kitchen.

She hands me a hanky from the front of her apron, then sets about making a pot of tea. I watch her in silence, except for the odd judder of breath that escapes as I try to gain control of my shaky body and erratic breathing. I’m trying my very hardest, but it’s inevitable for me to think about all of the other times I’ve sent him crazy mad, except this time he really looked unhinged. This time I’ve really sent him over the edge.

Cathy sets a pot of tea down on the island and pours two cups, putting a few sugars in mine, even though she didn’t ask and neither did I. ‘You need the energy.’ she says as she stirs, then picks it up and places it between both of my palms. ‘Drink up, dear. There’s nothing tea can’t cure.’ She takes her own, blows across the top, and a wave of steam streams through mid-air and disintegrates in front of me. I stare at it until it’s gone, and I’m left gazing blankly at nothing. ‘Now, tell me what’s got my boy in such a pickle and you in this state?’

‘I was thinking about having an abortion.’ I say to thin air. I don’t want to see the look of horror that will have undoubtedly jumped onto the face of Jesse’s sweet, innocent, wholesome housekeeper.

Her silence and the mug of tea that I can see in my peripheral vision, hovering at her lips, only confirms my thoughts. She’s shocked, and having heard the words aloud, so am I. And embarrassed. ‘Oh,’ she says simply. What else can she say?

I know what I should be saying. I should be explaining myself and the reasons, but not only do I feel like I’ve let Jesse down and trampled all over his happiness, I feel protective of him. I don’t want Cathy to judge him if I tell her how I ended up pregnant, which is ludicrous. It’s the only reason I considered a termination, and the fact that I didn’t think I was ready, but the last few days have proved me wrong. Jesse has unearthed a deep feeling of hope, happiness, and love for this baby growing inside of me. A piece of me and a piece of him mixed together to form a life. Our baby. Now the thought of ridding it from my body is absolutely abhorrent. I’m disgusted with myself.

I turn towards Cathy. ‘I would never have seen it through. I soon realised I was being stupid. I was just so shocked. I don’t know how he’s found out.’ Now I’ve calmed slightly, I’m wondering how he does actually know.

That paper. The envelope.

‘Ava, he’s obviously shocked. Give him time to come round. You’re still pregnant and that’s all that matters. He’ll see soon enough.’

I smile, but Cathy’s words haven’t made me feel any better. She doesn’t know what happened the last time he walked out on me. ‘Thank you for the tea, Cathy.’ I say, getting down from the stool. ‘I’d better get ready for work.’

Her wrinkled brow furrows, and she looks at my mug. ‘But you’ve hardly touched it.’

‘Oh,’ I quickly scoop it up and take a few hot sips, probably burning the roof of my mouth in the process, but there’s a piece of paper lying on the floor of the master suite, and it’s screaming for me to read it. I give Cathy a quick peck in the cheek, and she rubs my arm affectionately before I escape the kitchen.

I run upstairs fast and pick the paper straight up, being immediately greeted with a bunch of pamphlets, stapled to the corner of a letter. The letter is a scan appointment. The pamphlets are a wealth of information on abortion. The information sinks in very fast, and as I lift my eyes to the top of the letter, I notice my name and address. No, not my address. It’s Matt’s address.

I gasp and screw the paper up, throwing it at the wall on an infuriated yell. I’m so fucking stupid. I’ve not changed my address with the surgery. I’ve not changed my address with anyone. All of my mail has been going to Matt’s and clearly the fucking bastard has been opening it. He must’ve been in his element to find this. What the hell is wrong with him, the nasty fucking lowlife? My damn emotions are all over the place. I’m sad, I’m hurt, I’m blood boiling mad.

At the risk of lashing out on the door or the wall or anything I can lay my hands on, I throw myself in the shower instead.

* * *

I’m still shaking with anger when I walk into the penthouse foyer only half an hour later. I’m already late, but my work, for the first time ever, is the least of my priorities. And it’s a good thing because I’m standing staring blankly at the keypad, with not the first idea of what numbers to punch in. I glance back at the door, contemplating nipping back in to ask Cathy, but I decide against it, instead bashing in the code of the fire exit door and pushing my way through. I need to burn off some of this fury before I’m in the close proximity of people. I might rip someone’s head off, and I want to save my wrath for Matt.

‘Good Morning, Mrs Ward.’ Casey’s friendly voice is the first thing I hear when I exit the stairwell, panting from exhaustion as oppose to panting with anger.

‘Casey,’ I puff, putting my heels back on.

He looks me up and down. God only knows what I must look like. I didn’t even bother to use a mirror, instead blasting my hair and firing pins in all over my head where I felt they needed to be. ‘Are you okay?’ he asks.

‘Fine,’

‘Congratulations,’ he says. I look at him in alarm. Jesse wouldn’t share our good news with the new concierge. He doesn’t like him. ‘On getting married,’ Casey adds. ‘I didn’t know.’

I’m frowning. Would Jesse have told him that? Probably. He was probably trampling at the time, stamping his ownership. ‘Thanks,’ I stalk past him and slip my shades on before I hit the sunshine, hoping the oversized things might conceal most of my harassed face. John’s here. He shrugs, and I shake my head. ‘I’m not coming with you, John.’ I fire my key fob at my Mini and start across the car park.

‘Come on, girl. Let’s not push it.’ His voice is a low rumble, even though he’s pleading with me.