Текст книги "That Wedding"

Автор книги: Jillian Dodd

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 25 страниц)

I have to give him a little shit. "Actually, I already got that taken care of tonight." I'm probably not very convincing though since I'm running my hand under the waistband of his shorts. Phillip is just so hot. I can't help myself.

"You're a very naughty girl for even thinking about marrying someone else. Young lady, go to your room," he says in a deep, you just got caught by the principal filling the school pool with goldfish, kind of way.

And for a second, I think I might be in trouble, but then he flashes that sexy grin and herds me into the bedroom, and um, well, you can probably figure out the rest.

I finished some last minute Christmas shopping this morning, now I'm sorting through my condo. I can't believe we get to move into our house right after the honeymoon. I'm so excited, and I'm really trying to get organized. I have piles to donate, piles of stuff to return to friends, piles of shower gifts, and trash piles. I swing open the patio door because I'm sweating from all this organization, grab a stack of magazines I need to go through, and sit on the couch.

All of a sudden, I see something move out of the corner of my eye.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like no, you don't understand.

This is like, OH MY GOD!!

I'm seeing THE biggest freaking spider I have ever seen in my life!!!

The spider is standing just inside the patio door, staring at me. Not even moving. And he is big enough to really creep me out!

Think, Jadyn.

Raid!!

I need Raid! Or bug spray of some kind.

I run into the bathroom and realize I have no Raid, but I do find some mosquito repellent. I run back out to the living room, stand on the coffee table, and fire it down on him. The spider moves toward me, but he doesn't die. It doesn't really even seem to phase him.

Damn!!!

Now he knows I'm after him!

I jump from the coffee table to the couch, and then I run back into the bathroom and look for something else.

I come back out slowly, looking for him.

The spider hasn't really moved much, but his little hairy legs are twitching like he's trying to figure out his next move.

I'm armed with more things to try and kill him. First, I spray him with a great hair product that adds shine to my hair. The spider doesn't die, but now the living room smells like grapes. I throw the shining spray onto the couch and spray him with some Big Sexy hairspray.

The spider literally looks into my eyes and sends me spider telepathy. He says, I'm going to have shiny, gorgeous hair when I kill you.

Shit!

What else do I have?

I spy my tennis shoe by the front door.

Oh. No way.

Gross.

I jump off the coffee table, leap toward the hall closet, and grab one of Phillip's big running shoes.

I toss it at the spider.

The spider, I swear to God, dodged the shoe, laughed, and threw it back at me.

I decide it's time to call in reinforcements.

I grab my cell and call Phillip.

"Phillip, there's a huge spider in the house. You've GOT to come and KILL IT NOW!"

"Princess," he says in a patronizing tone, "surely you can kill a little spider."

"Didn't you hear me??? I said it's a HUGE ASS spider!"

"Well, kill it with some bug spray or a shoe. I'm kinda busy here."

"I tried that, Phillip. I tried mosquito spray because I didn't have any Raid. When that didn't work, I tried hair shiner and hairspray. And the spider just told me, Thanks, it hates mosquitos, and that its hair looks shiny and gorgey, and I swear to God, it threw your shoe back at me!!!! That's how big this spider is. You HAVE to come NOW!"

"Calm down. Suck it up in the vacuum cleaner then."

"And give him a new home in my vacuum? No way! He's not a genie, Phillip. He won't come back out and offer me three wishes. He'll come back out and be pissed at being all dirty and will AMBUSH us in our sleep!!!!"

"AHHHHHH!!!!" I scream and jump back onto the coffee table.

"What now?"

"He's chasing me, Phillip!! Don't you understand!????! I'm under attack here!! Stop talking to me, hang up, run to your car, and get your ASS over here! NOW!!!!!"

"Oh, who's bossy now?"

"Phillip, when I said I'm under attack, I wasn't joking. I'm pretty sure I saw him call out a battle cry to all his spider friends. And he's strategically blocking my way to the patio door because that's where his troops are gonna come in! And when you finally get home, there will be nothing left of me but a carcass covered in spider webs with a million huge spiders eating at me. Do you know what a horrible death that will be?"

"You're being silly. Just kill the damn spider."

"Fine. I'm done marrying you. I'm gonna go find a real man to marry. One that's willing to take care of me when I'm in a crisis and neeeeddd him!!!"

"All right, jeeze. I'm coming."

I hang up and see my neighbor, Wayne, out in his yard.

"WAAAAAYNNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" I scream my loudest, most horrifying scream toward my patio door.

Wayne turns to look in my direction, but I don't think he can see me because the sun's in his eyes, so I yell, "HEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!!! SOS! SOS!!!! CODE RED!!!!! Foxtrot, Unicorn, Charlie, KILO!!!!!!"

Wayne is a retired military man, so I screamed all the military terms I could think of.

Wayne was like special forces and all that shit. THAT is exactly what I need! Not some dumb boy who's going to argue on the phone with me as to whether or not I need help.

I must've got Wayne's attention because he comes running over to my patio door. He's just about to cross my threshold into enemy territory when I scream, "Stop!!! Don't come any closer!"

Wayne is rapidly assessing the area with his eyes. I think he thinks I was attacked, and there's a rapist running loose, and I'm standing on my coffee table trying to avoid him.

"Jadyn, what's wrong? Why are you on the coffee table?"

I put my finger up to my lips to tell him to shush, and then I slowly, secretly point down at the spider on the floor. The spider has been sitting halfway between the patio door and me. It's been staring at me, sizing me up, trying to figure out just how many webs it will take to catch me and make me a year's worth of meals. But when it heard Wayne's voice, it moved ninety degrees to face him. I'm feeling a little scared for Wayne, but he's ex-military, right?

He can deal, I would think.

Wayne looks down at the massive spider. And what does this ex-special forces guy do?

He shudders and shakes his head at me. "HOLY SHIT!! That's a big fucking spider. Spiders give me the willies."

"Me too. The spider has been staring at me, planning my demise."

"I can see that."

But Wayne's brave, so he says, "You got any big gloves?"

About twenty minutes later, Phillip strolls leisurely through the front door.

"Phillip, it's been TWENTY minutes. The office is only six minutes away DURING morning traffic! You didn't even hurry!"

"I needed to get gas. So where is this HUGE spider?" He looks at me in that way. That way people do when they think you're a stupid idiot, and they're just humoring you.

Which makes me really mad.

"Phillip, you should've been so worried about me that you drove over here on fumes, and when the car ran out of gas, you should've ditched it, and ran as fast as you could to save me."

He rolls his eyes at me. "I think maybe we're being a tad overdramatic?"

"No! I AM NOT! And you missed out. Wayne was outside in his yard, and so I screamed like a maniac from the coffee table. He came over and saved me, and the spider was so big, it gave even him the willies. And he's an ex-RANGER! And I'm just little old me!!!"

Phillip starts to protest, but I continue. "Yes, Phillip, the ex-ranger, special forces, top military guy told me he wished he brought his gun it was so big. And yes, he did kill it. Well, eventually."

"Eventually?"

"Yes, well, first, he put on oven mitts because I didn't have any kind of protective gloves. He also used a spatula, which is now in the trash. Then he took a paper bag and like herded the spider into the bag with the spatula. He has the spider in the bag on his deck if you'd like to go now and see its carcass."

I watch Phillip go over to Wayne's deck. Wayne walks in his condo, comes back out with beers for the two of them, and shows him the bag.

I go on a massive spider hunt. Checking everywhere I can think of, making sure he had no friends in my house.

Phillip comes back over with a beer in his hand. "Wow. I'm sorry. That WAS a big freaking spider."

"I know. I'm very traumatized," I pout.

He sets his beer down, pulls me in close, and starts kissing down my neck. "Let's see if I can help you forget about the spider."

"Phillip, you didn't save me. You don't get to have thank you sex. I should be having sex with Wayne."

"Hmmmm, but I'm here now, and he's calling all his friends to come over and see the dead spider."

He lets go of me, and for a second, I'm worried he doesn't want me after all. But he gives me a grin, locks the patio door, then picks me up and throws me over his shoulder like I'm a sack of something.

I scream and giggle as Phillip carries me through the maze of boxes and into our bedroom. He tosses me on the spider free bed.

"I think maybe I need to earn my own, uh, special forces badge."

And, wow.

Oh my.

I really should find big spiders and have a neighbor kill them for me more often.

Seriously.

I don't know about special forces, but I'm pretty sure Phillip could medal in sexual olympics.

Phillip and I are in the car heading to Kansas City. He's signed a lease on a temporary office space, and we're actually ordering the office furniture today. Once we're done, we're meeting Lori and Danny for dinner. Tomorrow, we have more meetings, and then we're hanging out with them this weekend. Lori wants to help me shop for our new house, and I wanna find a couple new bikinis for our honeymoon.

Phillip excitedly says, "I got an email yesterday. The custom Nikes just shipped!"

I'm about to reply when my phone buzzes. I look down and see a text from Danny.

Danny :)  I NEED YOU NOW!! WHERE ARE YOU?

I'm about to type a smart ass remark about him needing me, but then I notice how the words are all in capitals, and there are no winky faces. A feeling of dread washes over me. Something's wrong.

Me:  Danny, what's wrong? Call me. We're still about two hours away.

Danny :)  Can't talk. Lori. Bleeding. Hospital. Miscarriage?

Danny :)  Pray.

Me:  Do you want us to come? I'll cancel our appointments.

Danny :)  Please. I'm freaking out. I'm afraid we're gonna lose the baby.

Me:  You won't. Like you can't. We'll be there as fast as we can. What happened?

Danny :)  Doctor is here. Gotta go.

I told him we'd be there as fast as we can, but I can't say anything to Phillip.

Not yet.

I can barely breathe.

I'm in the middle of a flashback.

Phillip's talking on the phone with his dad.

We're rushing to the hospital.

Phillip's dad meets us at the door.

He takes my hands and tells me my mom didn't make it.

I'm rushing up to see my dad.

It's been four years, but it feels like yesterday.

I close my eyes.

I see my dad.

I hear him say, Angel.

I lay my head on his chest.

He stops breathing.

Phillip says, "Princess, what's wrong? Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?"

I close my eyes tight and take a deep breath. "Danny just sent me a text. They're at the hospital. Lori's bleeding. He thinks she might be having a miscarriage, and he wants us to pray. He also wanted to know how close we are, wants us to go there, says he's freaking out."

Phillip grabs my hand tightly, looks worried, and drives faster. "We'd better hurry then."

While Phillip drives, I say a very long prayer.

I pray that they're okay. I plead with God not to take them away from me too.

I'm surprised I still pray. I prayed hard for my dad, but it didn't work. I hope it works today. I've texted Danny a couple times, but he hasn't replied, which can't be good.

After what seems like an eternity, but is really only a couple hours later, we pull up to the hospital. We get out of the car, and Phillip grabs my hand, pulling me quickly toward the hospital entrance.

The closer we get, the more I sweat. I don't know if I can do this.

I hate hospitals. I really do. Only bad things happen in hospitals. I haven't been in a hospital since that night, except for when I had strep throat really bad.

I've never visited anyone in the hospital because people die in hospitals.

But then I think about Danny's message, how desperate he sounded, and I know I have to go. He needs us.

Just like I needed Phillip that night.

We get their room number from the information desk and ride up the elevator.

As we walk down the fourth floor corridor, I'm bracing myself for the worst. For Danny to tell me that Lori and the baby are dead.

I get super hot.

And then feel lightheaded. Like I'm gonna maybe pass out.

I stop, lean up against the wall, and close my eyes. Take a deep breath.

Phillip realizes I'm not walking next to him anymore and turns around to look for me.

He walks back toward me. "What are you doing? We need to hurry."

"I have to get out of here, Phillip. I can't do this. I think I'm gonna throw up and then maybe pass out."

He wraps me in a one armed hug and pulls me close, exactly the way he did when he walked off the elevator that night.

My mind flashes back again.

How he was mad at me.

How we'd fought.

How I was so afraid he'd hate me forever.

How I couldn't believe my mom was dead.

How dad had stopped breathing.

How the alarms had gone off.

How they rushed me out of the room and didn't tell me anything.

My own breathing is ragged. I need to get out of here.

Now.

Phillip touches my face and says, "Princess, it's gonna be okay. I promise."

"You can't promise that, Phillip. You don't know." I start to cry.

I CANNOT DO THIS.

"Danny said he needed you. If it's bad, he's going to need you even more."

He's right. If it's bad, he's going to need me, and I love Danny. I won't let him go through whatever this is alone even if I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

Shit.

Phillip holds my hand and leads me down the hall in the same way he led me through most of their funeral.

Tears are rolling down my face.

I've been able to hold my tears back since my parents died, but I can't seem to push them back right now.

We get outside of room 416. Lori's room.

I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Should we just stand out here?

Phillip knocks gently on the door.

Danny opens it. There's a wide grin on his face, and he immediately pulls Phillip into a hug.

"Look at this, Mac!" he says as he excitedly shoves an ultrasound photo in front of Phillip's face.

When I see Lori alive and laying in the hospital bed, I let out a cry of relief. She looks scared, but there's a smile on her face. I rush to her side. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine. The baby's fine. I was bleeding this morning, and it was enough that the doctor sent us straight here. I was sure I was having a miscarriage. I think I panicked everyone for nothing. Everything is okay now, and the bleeding has stopped."

I let out a huge cleansing breath of air, bend down, and hug her tightly. "I was so worried."

She says, "Stop crying. You're making me cry." She wipes her tears then shakes her head at me. "I really didn't think you'd come. Here. To the hospital. I thought you'd make up some excuse."

"I don't have the best of luck with hospitals, Lori, so I try to avoid them."

"Babies are born in hospitals. They're good things."

"That's true, I guess. I was really worried." I give her another big hug. "I love you."

Danny interrupts my hug by shoving the ultrasound photo in front of my face.

I see a very teeny baby. I'm amazed at how small it is but how much it looks like a baby. Like I guess I thought it would still sorta look like a squid or something. I look closer because I'm dying to know if it's a boy or a girl.

"Danny, they covered up its boy or girl parts!"

"I know! We don't wanna find out. The little monkey is gonna be loved either way, and we're gonna have lots more kids."

"Lots more kids?" Lori says. "Um, let's see if I can do one right. Then we can talk about more."

Danny snatches the pic away from me and shoves it back in Phillip's face. "So look at this, Mac. What's it look like the baby's doing?"

Phillip studies the photo closely. "Sleeping?"

"No, look at this. Look at its arm. Doesn't it look like he's throwing a pass?"

Phillip grins. "Yeah, sorta. Must be a boy then, huh?"

"Hey, girls can throw passes!" I say.

"Whatever," Danny says. "My guess is that it's a boy."

"That's my guess too," Lori says.

I look at the ultrasound closer. It looks to me like the baby is either sleeping with its arm up in the air or throwing its arm up in a cheer, but I decide not to mention that. "So everything's okay then? Like why were you bleeding? I thought all bleeding was bad."

"Not always," Lori says. Then she glances at Danny, who has a very satisfied look on his face.

"What?" I say.

Lori rolls her eyes and hands me a book on things to expect when you're pregnant. I read the passage that she's highlighted.

During pregnancy, it's not unusual to bleed after sex. Your cervix is tender and sensitive. If this happens to you, you shouldn't have intercourse again until you've seen your doctor. Having normal intercourse won't cause you to have a miscarriage.

I read it once and then read it again. "I don't get it. What's that got to do with, ohhhhhh, so you had sex, and IT caused the bleeding?"

Lori laughs self consciously and nods her head.

Danny puffs his chest out and flexes a big bicep at us. "What it doesn't mention in that book is that I'm huge. Like extremely well endowed."

I laugh and look back down at the book. "You're right. It doesn't mention that. Oh, wait. It does. It's scribbled here in the margin. A little disclaimer. Danny Diamond is so huge this does not apply. Danny Diamond should proceed with caution."

Phillip raises his eyebrows at me. "So what does it say about me?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I am bigger than Danny."

"What? How would you even know that, Phillip?"

He grins at me. "Well aside from years of locker rooms, we measured."

"You measured? As in you got naked together, got them hard, and compared? How did I miss out on all the good stuff?"

Danny chimes in. "Jay, we're not gay. We measured separately and told each other our numbers, but I think Phillip's fibbing."

"Phillip never lies."

"Whatever. So the bleeding happened because I'm amazing, and pregnant women are super horny."

Phillip and I look at each other with wide eyes.

Danny shrugs his broad shoulders and grins. "It's not my fault she kept saying harder."

Lori blushes down to her toes. "Danny!"

Danny just laughs. He's quite proud of himself. "We're among friends here."

Lori says, "Well, you and your friend can go get me some fried chicken. I'm starving. I want extra crispy, mashed potatoes, and biscuits. And make sure you get those honey packets."

"I swear, I'm gonna start a pregnancy delivery service. You know how many times I've had to run out and get whatever she's hungry for?"

The boys leave to go get chicken. I'm still sitting here with an amused smile on my face.

"Wipe that smirk off your face," she tells me.

"So pregnancy makes you horny?"

She looks at the door and makes sure the boys are gone. "Ohmigawd, Jade, yes. Here, read this."

I read a passage about increased blood flow to certain lady parts and think that's something I really did not need to know.

Pregnancy would freak me the hell out. I'm just saying.

When I set the book back down, she continues. "Seriously, sex with Danny has always been amazing. But yeah, this morning was like ecstasy." Then she changes the subject. "So Danny told me something about you seeing Richie Rich at the bar. Did he really ask you to marry him?"

"Lori, you need to be thinking about you and the baby and taking it easy, relaxing."

"All I've been doing is thinking about the baby. I wanna talk about your life. Tell me a story. Some gossip. Something. Distract me."

I lay on the bed next to her. "He did. I don't think he was serious though. Did Danny tell you the night of formal he was going to ask me to wear his fraternity pin?"

"Oh, Jade. You would've gotten to pass your candle!"

"I know. I'm kinda bummed by that. He also said something that's been bugging me. Do you think I'm settling by marrying Phillip?"

"Are you nuts? Phillip is fine. He's hot, he's sweet, and he adores you. Why would you ever say that?"

"Jason said it. I just, I don't know. Couple's counseling is not going well, Lori. I'm pretty sure we're failing."

"You're not failing. No one fails."

I grab her hand and try to change the subject by saying, "I hope not. I'm so happy the baby is okay."

"Me too. So, I know you. You have to have some gossip or some funny story. You always do."

"I have some kind of baddish news."

"Do I want to hear baddish news right now?"

"It's more baddish gossip. You know how Katie and Eric haven't like been doing that great, like in their marriage, right?"

"Yeah, I did hear that."

"Well did you hear that she's been talking to and going to lunch with Neil?"

"I didn't hear that! What's that all about?"

"I don't know. I don't think they know for sure, but it sounds like she's considering getting a divorce and dating Neil."

"Scandalous," she giggles. "Seriously though, it's really sad. It would suck to go through a divorce."

"You're lucky. You and Danny have a good relationship."

"He cried today, about the baby. I've never seen Danny cry. And I've been giving him a hard time. I just feel so, I can't even explain it, like I'm not even in control of my own body. Like I have this alien thing growing in me, changing my body, and kicking me. It's kinda freaky, but at the same time, it's so incredibly amazing. I've been sick and crabby and probably not very nice to him."

"He's worried about being a good dad, but he really loves you, and he really loves the baby."

"Yeah, I know. I'm incredibly lucky. We decided that we really can't understand what each other is going though and to just focus on the baby."

"Good. You know Danny's going to be an amazing father."

"That's one of the reasons I wanted to marry him so bad. He's so much fun, so full of life and love. And speaking of that, when are you two gonna have kids?"

"Not for a very long time."

"You're going to be amazing parents too. And Danny's right, having our kids grow up together would be so cool. You know, you're more like my sister than my real sister."

"Really? You have no idea what that means to me. You know, because it's just me." Tears start leaking out of my eyes again. What is wrong with me? Why can't I push the tears back anymore?

Lori grabs my hand quick and puts my palm across her belly. "Feel that?"

"Oh my God! The baby kicks hard! Lori, that's so freaking weird! Does it feel like that all the time?"

"It is kicking a lot now. I was telling Nick about it, and he keeps teasing Danny. Telling him the baby is gonna be a kicker and not a quarterback. That's why he's all look the baby looks like it's throwing a pass. Wouldn't it have been hilarious if the baby would've looked like it was kicking?"

"Nick's a loser. He was so funny in Vegas. He was giving me crap about being kinda drunk, but he was dancing with me."

"He only dances when he's drunk!"

Then I tell her about the spider from hell, Wayne's reaction and rescue, and Phillip strolling in for sex. And I maybe confide a little about how freaking amazing sex with Phillip is.

"I remember the first time you introduced me to Phillip. I think it's funny that we didn't get to be good friends until junior year."

"Well, that's cuz you never seemed like you wanted to have any fun."

"And it seemed like all you wanted to do was have fun. Do you remember when I asked you to introduce me to Phillip? We all thought he was so cute, but I'd never met him before."

"I don't remember that."

"We were dressed as slutty secretaries, and the guys were all in suits. Phillip looked good."

"Phillip always looks handsome in a suit."

"You were like, Come on, I'll introduce you. He's my best friend and my roommate. I'll never forget it. He and Blake were literally surrounded by girls. You sauntered over, walked through the girls. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you on the cheek. The girls all gave you the dirtiest looks." She laughs. "Then you told him his tie was all fucked up."

"Oh, I do remember that. Phillip could never tie a tie. I always did it for him. And they were probably surrounding Blake. You know that's how he got his nickname, right? His Royal Hotness? Blakeness?"

She laughs. "I didn't know that. That's funny. Blake is a cutie. So anyway, you undid Phillip's tie and retied it. Then you stood back and looked at him. I swear, I knew then you loved him."

"You were always too smart for your own good."

"You introduced us then totally checked him out. Like stood back, looked him up and down. You told him he looked too uptight, stole his tie, and put it on you. He grabbed the end of the tie and pulled you in close to him. I really thought he was going to kiss you. Instead, he whispered in your ear. I always wondered what he said."

I laugh. "He told me I could tie him up later at home, and that my skirt was so short it was almost a crime."

"He always flirt with you like that?"

"I always kinda thought he was just playing around, but yeah, he did."

"Then we got drunk together."

"I didn't get drunk. You did though. I think I created a monster."

"You did teach me how to party."

"I think you always knew how to party. You were just afraid to let loose."

"That's true. We had a lot of fun. You wanna know what surprised me the most about you?"

"Sure."

"You kinda had a reputation as a party girl. And you knew so many guys. I thought you were slutty. I was surprised once I got to know you how good you were. Like you made out with a lot of guys, I just assumed you did more."

"I'm not a good girl, Lori."

"Jade, you didn't have sex until college."

I roll my eyes at her. "I knew lots of guys cuz of Phillip and Danny, and I just wanted to wait until I was in love. That didn't really work out so well."

"Like I said, closet good girl. Well, until Bradley."

"Yes, Bradley the bartender. He was supposed to be my first one night stand. But then it was so much fun, it turned into a bunch of one night stands."

"What about Danny?"

"What do you mean?"

"In Vegas, they were talking about you and Danny making out. It sounded like it was often. Was it? I always thought prom night was the last time you kissed."

"No, we kissed in college some. It wasn't a big deal."

"You never told me that."

"Because it didn't matter. Danny and I were friends. Sometimes we'd get drunk together and kiss. Usually after a loss. I think it was like comforting to him or something."

"So was it just kissing?"

"Pretty much."

"Just tell me, please."

"Why? It doesn't matter anymore. If I wanted Danny for myself, I would've never set the two of you up. When we kissed, he had yet to find love, and I'd found it but didn't know what to do with it. It didn't mean anything. It was just for fun. Like most things were with me and Danny. We just always had fun together."

"Danny says you always got into trouble together. I think you did more than kiss."

"Fine. We did more than kiss. There was even a time when he attacked me on the couch. It was like spur of the moment. I thought we were finally going to."

"What stopped you?"

"Phillip came home. It was pretty funny. Danny and I looked at each other, jumped up, and ran into our rooms. We never kissed after that."

"When was that?"

"Fall of my junior year. And I'm glad we didn't. Danny means a lot to me. I think sleeping with him would've been like crossing Sleep with Danny Diamond off my bucket list. Like every girl I knew wanted to sleep with him. My competitiveness sort of made me want to too."

"I didn't want to sleep with him."

"You were lying to yourself."

She giggles.

"Speaking of that," I say. "I think I might be lying to myself about Phillip."

She looks concerned. "Why would you say that?"

"I told you, we're failing couple's counseling."

"I thought you didn't care about couple's counseling."

"On the surface, I'm not taking it seriously, but I'm there. I'm listening, and I'm trying hard not to because I'm hearing stuff I don't wanna hear. What I'm hearing is that our marriage is going to be a failure."

"Oh, Jade, don't be silly."

I was gonna argue with her, but I remember something else I've been wanting to tell her. "Oh, I have something else to tell you! I almost forgot! I had another weird dream the other night."

"Tell me about it." Her face brightens. She loves reveling in my misery, I think.

"I'm still worried that with all these dreams that someone is trying to tell me something, or maybe I'm trying to tell myself, I'm not sure."

"Stop being so dramatic, Jade, and tell me about it."

"I'm not dramatic! That's like twice in the last few days someone has accused me of it. And I don't like it!!!"

"Fine. You're not being dramatic. Tell me!!!"

"Okay, so it's my wedding ceremony. It's gorgeous. There are candles lit on top of every pew, on every surface. I walk down the aisle in a beautiful Balenciaga gown. I have a gorgeous long flowing veil."

Lori interrupts me. "How do you know who Balenciaga is? Do they make wedding dresses?"

"I'm not sure, Sex in the City, maybe?"

"I know, I was telling you about that Balenciaga motorcycle bag that Mark Conway's wife got like the only one in Kansas City and how it cost like two thousand dollars."

She likes to think our conversations are so poignant that they're affecting my dreams.

"What's that got to do with the dress?"

"Nothing really, go on."

"So I go up to the altar. Phillip and I say our vows, and when the minister says, You may kiss the bride, Phillip pulls the veil over my head. That's when I FREAK! I can't do it! I can't go through with it! So I run down the aisle with my veil flying behind me. Of course, with all the candles, it catches fire, but I don't know that it's blazing behind me until people start screaming in horror."

"Oh, how awful," she says, but then she laughs.

"You're laughing at my dream?"

"Just a little, go on. You are entertaining, I will admit."