Текст книги "A fire in the flash"

Автор книги: Jennifer L. Armentrout

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Текущая страница: 27 (всего у книги 37 страниц)

“You probably don’t want the answer to that.”

“Which means I already have the answer.” His chest rose with a stilted breath, and then he was directly in front of me, his fingers gently touching my cheeks. “Everything I did was to prevent this from happening. Everything.”

“I know,” I whispered.

A faint tremor hit his hands. “Yet I still failed you. I’m so sorry, Sera.”

My heart constricted as a knot of sorrow formed in my throat. “You did not fail me, Ash. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“But I do. I failed you before you even took your first step into the Shadowlands.”

I grasped his wrists. “How can you even say that? When you turned me down as your Consort, you did it to protect me. You made that deal with Veses to keep me unknown to Kolis. There was no way for you to know he was aware of me the whole time.”

“I’m not talking about that, Sera. I’m…”

I searched his features. “Then what?”

Closing his eyes, he shook his head. “We need to get cleaned up. We’ll talk more about this later.”

“But—”

“Later,” he insisted, dropping a kiss onto my forehead. His eyes, now open, shone like stars. “Right now, I…I just need to take care of you. Please?”

There wouldn’t be much of a later, but he’d said please, and I couldn’t refuse him. I nodded.

“Thank you.”

Those two roughly spoken words made my chest squeeze even tighter. I held still as he brushed my hair over one shoulder and found the clasp of my gown at the nape of my neck. The bodice immediately loosened. Out of reflex, I caught it by folding an arm across my chest.

His fingers halted their movements. “I just want to take care of you,” he repeated. “That is all, Sera. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is expected of you.”

It took me a moment to understand what he meant—what he was really saying. He hadn’t brought me here for any other purpose than what he claimed. To give us some time alone and to clean up. And this alone time didn’t involve anything of a sensual nature. A warring mix of emotions rose inside me. There was the swelling feeling of love in response to his thoughtfulness and awareness, but there was also a feeling of…of my skin and body not being mine. A soul-deep fear that Ash no longer saw me as the Sera he knew before Kolis took me because I had no idea what he knew. What he’d been told. But he’d definitely been told something. He’d appeared aware of the deal I’d made to free him. Did he know about the one I’d struck for Rhain’s life?

“Sera? Are you all right?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it. My toes curled as pressure clamped down on my chest and throat, more punishing than even Kolis’s hands.

“I can sense the tartness of your unease.” He tilted my head back. “You have nothing to fear from me. I promise. You’re safe.”

I shifted from one foot to the other. Despite the warmth of the cavern, tiny goose bumps broke out over my shoulders and upper arms. I didn’t want him to look at me differently. To think of me differently. I was still me. He saw that, right?

“Sera?” His gaze briefly dropped to where I held my dress. Only then did I feel the ache in my knuckles from how tightly I grasped the material. Shadows briefly appeared across his shoulders. “Would it be better if I didn’t touch you?”

I blinked. “W-what?”

“It won’t offend me.” The featherlight press of his fingers disappeared. “I just want to help you in whatever way you need.”

My heart started thumping. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want you to touch me?”

“You’ve…you’ve been through a lot,” he began.

And I…

I didn’t hear anything of what he said next as some writhing, crunching sensation filled every part of me, and I folded my other arm over my chest. Oh, gods, what did he know? What had he been told? What did he think? Panic clawed at my skin.

“I don’t know what you were told,” I said, having no idea if he’d been speaking then or not. A tremor went through me, then another and another. “But Kolis and I—I mean, he didn’t…” My teeth were starting to chatter. “Things didn’t escalate to that. I swear. He didn’t even really touch me.” Okay, that was a lie, but the rest wasn’t. “You don’t have to worry about touching me. I’m still me, you know?”

“I know you’re still you.” His dark brows lowered. “Sera—”

“Good, because I’m not…I don’t know.” My face felt like it was burning and freezing at the same time. “I’m not like…”

His chest rose, and when next he spoke, his voice sounded as pained as my chest felt. “Like what, Sera?”

I couldn’t say the words that invaded my mind. They were wrong to think, even if Kolis’s assaults hadn’t escalated. But had that not still happened? When he bit me, holding me as he found pleasure? It was different, not anywhere near as bad as what far too many people had suffered—even Veses, who had said it was nothing. But what happened to me wasn’t nothing—

No.

It didn’t matter because whatever Kolis did or didn’t do, it didn’t make me what that fucking voice in my mind whispered. I knew that. Because I didn’t look at those taken in by the Ladies of Mercy as tainted. I didn’t think Aios was tainted. Gemma wasn’t dirty. I looked up at Ash. He wasn’t ruined. They were none of those things.

So, I wasn’t.

I saw Ash’s lips moving and knew he was speaking, but that thing, the voice that had made a home for itself in the back of my mind, was firing off thoughts, one after another, leaving no room for a reprieve. It was my voice, and it was louder than Ash’s, even though I knew he’d never think of me in that way. Not him. Not after what he’d lived through. But that voice questioned if he still saw me as strong. Never truly afraid. Not weak. Not someone who needed to be handled like fragile, damaged, blown glass. Treated as if they were on the verge of shattering. And was that what I was now, for whatever short time I had left? My fingers turned numb.

The embers throbbed faintly in my chest as I forced myself to breathe in, but I couldn’t get my lungs to inflate. My wild gaze darted from him as I opened my mouth wider, trying to take in air, but it was thick and—

My chest rose, but I didn’t think it went back down. I couldn’t exhale. And that meant I couldn’t inhale. I couldn’t breathe—

Ash’s eyes were suddenly level with mine. “Slow down.” Everything about him changed in an instant. His posture. The volume and cadence of his speech. “Slow your breathing down, liessa,” he ordered in that steady, soft way of his. “Listen to me.”

I didn’t understand what he was saying for a moment, and then it broke through the fog of panic creeping into my mind. It wasn’t that I couldn’t breathe. It was always that I breathed too fast, the breaths too quick and shallow.

“Press the tip of your tongue against the back of your upper teeth. Keep your mouth closed, and inhale through your nose, Sera.” His hand flattened against my upper chest, and the other splayed across my back as I did as he instructed. “Don’t exhale. Hold it for a count of four, remember? One. Two. Three. Four.”

Pulse racing, I counted as he used his hands to guide my shoulders back, straightening my spine. I hadn’t even realized I’d begun to curl in on myself.

“Now, exhale for the same count.” He did the same, exhaling for four seconds. “Keep going. Keep breathing with me.”

I mimicked him, forcing the air down my throat and into my lungs.

“That’s it.” He smiled, and my eyes pricked with tears. “You’ve got this, liessa.”

Something beautiful.

Something powerful.

“Now, inhale again through the nose. That’s good.” His eyes never left mine as he went through the motions until the tiny bursts of light faded from my vision and the trembling in my body receded. “One more deep breath, okay? Keep your tongue to your teeth. Hold for four.”

I did as he said, finally feeling as if my lungs were no longer being crushed. My chest loosened.

“Better?” he asked.

“Y-yeah,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “Yes. I’m…I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Sera. It’s okay.” He remained close, his hands on my upper chest and back, tracking my breaths. “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”

A faint shudder ran through me as I dragged in a deeper breath, catching hints of his citrus-and-fresh-air scent.

Ash watched me for several moments. “Still feeling better?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to five before reopening them. “I’m okay,” I stated, voice steadier, stronger. I lifted my gaze to him. The anxiety was still there, holed up inside me, still whispering that Ash and I wouldn’t be as we once were during whatever time I had left, be it days or hours—and I really didn’t think it was days. And the only way to shut the voice up was to prove it wrong. “Ash?”

“Yes?”

“If I asked you to touch me right now, would you?” My face was definitely on fire now. “If I asked you—”

“I will do anything you ask of me, Sera.” Silvery streaks of essence whipped through his eyes. “Anything.”

 “If I asked you to touch me like you did the first time I bathed in your chamber, would you?” I insisted. “Would you kiss me—?”

Ash’s mouth was on mine before I could say another word, and…oh, gods, it was so apparent that he didn’t see me as a fragile piece of glass. Not with the way his lips moved against mine. There was nothing gentle about his kiss. It was all-consuming and relentless. His arm came around my waist as he stepped into me, sealing our bodies together as his head tilted. He deepened the kiss as the feel of his body overwhelmed my senses: the hard coolness of his chest, the strength of his thighs, and the hard, thick press of his cock against my belly. All I felt was desire—heady, heated desire. He parted my lips and thrust his tongue into my mouth. A shiver ran through me as I released my death grip on my gown and grabbed his shoulders. My nails pressed into his flesh as I kissed him back, stroking my tongue over his—over the edges of his fangs. I felt his shudder in every part of me.

Slowing the kiss, Ash caught my lip between his as he lifted his head. Breathing hard, he said, “As I said, liessa, I will do anything you want. You need me to just be here? I’m here.”

His hand slid from my waist, catching the flimsy, ruined gown and dragging it down, letting it slip past my hips. My breath snagged as the balmy air washed over my back.

Ash’s eyes held mine. “You need me to hold you? Done.” He dipped, working an arm under my knees and lifting me as if I were made of only air. He held me to his chest. “Kiss you? You already know the answer to that.”

My lips felt…deliciously swollen. So, yes, I did know the answer to that.

“You want more than that?” he continued as I became aware of him walking, the ground shifting beneath us. The sound of fizzing water rose. “Want me to kiss that stubborn jaw of yours?”

Only then did he break eye contact, kissing said jaw, and then those swirling irises met mine again. “Kiss those beautiful breasts? Draw your nipples into my mouth the way I know you like?”

My lips parted as warm water swept over my feet, immediately bubbling as Ash went down earthen steps—

Wait.

He was still wearing his leathers, wasn’t he?

“You want me to kiss my way down your body and then between your thighs? Or touch you there? With my fingers? My dick? Gladly,” Ash said, and I was no longer thinking about him still having his pants on. His voice…good gods, it reminded me of silky shadows and midnight dreams as Ash lowered himself, either sitting on an underwater rock or the ground. Water rose, frothing at my waist and tugging at my hands. “I will be inside you or on my knees in a heartbeat.”

“Even now?” I whispered, fingers tangling in his hair as the water teased my sides and breasts. “The on-your-knees part? Wouldn’t that be difficult?”

A smoky grin appeared, one I hadn’t seen in what felt like an eternity as he positioned me on his lap. “It wouldn’t be impossible.”

“Your head would be underwater,” I pointed out as he leaned back slightly, keeping us balanced.

His eyes were like pools of molten silver. “And my mouth would still be fastened on you.”

“That…that sounds really, really nice.” A bolt of lust pulsed through me, causing me to wiggle a little in his lap.

 Ash groaned, dropping his forehead to mine. “It sounds better than nice.” His lips brushed mine. “I can practically taste you on my lips and tongue.”

Tingles of desire and need pooled low as the fizzing water danced over my legs and between them.

“Anything,” Ash repeated in the heated, damp air between us. “Whatever you want.”

I wanted to take those promises and turn them into action. The steady, welcome throb in my core was all about it, and how his heart pounded beneath my palm told me it would barely be a heartbeat before he fulfilled what he’d promised. But…

I just need to take care of you.

That’s what he’d said he needed, and these moments weren’t just about assuaging my fears. The anxiety-riddled voice had quieted, proven wrong by Ash’s words and what I felt pressed against me.

“Take care of me,” I said. “Please?”

Ash shuddered against me, and I knew he got what I meant.

Falling silent, I relaxed against him as I watched him take one of my arms, bringing it below the water. He rubbed his hands over mine and then my arms, scrubbing away the blood. Before he moved onto the other arm, he lifted it to the narrow streaks of sunlight, inspecting his work. Once satisfied, he moved onto the next and did the same. He had me lean back so all my hair fell below the surface and held me as he reached around, gently running the strands through the churning water.

When he was done, I took his hand and brought it to my mouth. I kissed the glimmering imprint, then washed his arms as he’d done with mine. Scooping water, I bathed his chest, his face, and while his eyes were half-closed, I knew his gaze never wavered from me. Not even afterward, when he did what I asked for next.

As the hot springs bubbled and churned around us, Ash held me in the sweetly scented air.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

“Thirty-six.”

His flesh was even cool underwater.

Water bubbled around us as I lifted my head. “Were you counting my freckles again?”

“Possibly.” Wet strands of his hair clung to the sides of his face and neck as he smiled at me.

We sat silently for a little while, lulled by the tinkling sound of the churning water. It was so peaceful here. I imagined the Vale was like this.

My stomach hollowed. “Can I…can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

I nibbled on my lower lip, struggling to ask what I wanted to know. It was not something I had allowed myself to wonder about.

“Liessa?”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a reedy breath and searched for courage until I found it. “What…what will happen when I die?”

Ash’s chest rose sharply. “Sera—”

“I just want to know. Like will I be judged at the Pillars, or will my soul need the extra-special Primal of Death judgment?” I lightened my tone, even as my chest felt tighter. “Better yet, will I have to wait in line?”

He didn’t answer.

I opened my eyes to the wisps of steam whirling above the water. “I know this isn’t the greatest topic of conversation.”

“It isn’t even something you should be thinking about.”

“I try not to, but it’s hard.” My fingers curled slightly. “Especially now. I just want to know what to expect.” I sat up, facing him. “And I don’t want to hear that I don’t have to expect it.”

Ash opened his mouth.

“We both know that’s not true,” I said before he could deny it. “And knowing just a little bit will…I don’t know. Maybe it will help me.”

A glow of eather appeared behind his pupils. “Will it help? Truly?”

I…I wasn’t sure. “Perhaps knowing will make things worse. Maybe it won’t. But it can’t be worse than this.”

He turned his head, and a line of sunlight glanced off his cheekbone. “I don’t know.”

“Ash.”

“I’m serious, Sera. I cannot answer whether you will pass through the Pillars or if you’ll need to be judged in person to determine your fate.”

I started to frown. “But—”

“I know what I said before, but I cannot see what that journey will be. Just as I couldn’t see Lathan’s journey,” he shared, the glow pulsing behind his pupils. “It was hidden from me. As is yours.”

“Why?”

“The moment I considered Lathan a friend, my role in his eternal journey ended. It’s why—”

“The Primal of Death was not allowed to form bonds with another,” I murmured.

A streak of eather lashed out from behind his pupils. “Kolis told you that?”

I nodded. “If a…a bond is formed with another, the Fates balance it out by preventing the Primal of Death from knowing the journey of a soul or taking part in it.”

“Yes.”

“The Fates…” Thinking of Holland, I shook my head. “They’re bastards, aren’t they?”

His chuckle was low. “I have thought that many times.”

When Kolis spoke about it, I hadn’t thought it was fair, and that hadn’t changed. “And none of the other Primals are subject to those rules? Say if Maia were to become close with a mortal, would she no longer be able to interfere in matters of love or fertility?”

Ash frowned. “The others are subject to the same rules. Once they form bonds with mortals or gods, they cannot influence their lives in positive or negative ways.”

Irritation rose. “Kolis made it sound like only he was subject to that.”

“Of course, he did,” Ash said with a sneer. “He believes he is the only one who has been punished or suffered.” Another swirl of eather appeared in his eyes. “But my father—the true Primal of Life? As far as I know, he wasn’t held to those standards.”

My thoughts flashed to the anger I’d seen in Kolis’s features when he spoke about all the ways Eythos could influence the lives of those he came to care for.

“Nektas once told me it was simply because the Primal of Life was held to a higher standard, tasked with the duty to know when and when not to impact the lives of others. Or to learn when. To me, it sounded more like being constantly taunted with the ability to improve one’s fate and having to choose not to.”

“Gods,” I muttered. “Who would want that kind of choice?”

“Kolis,” he suggested. “And he only wanted it because he never had to make it.”

I nodded slowly. Kolis had left out that he wasn’t the only one who had to operate by those rules, but I wasn’t surprised to learn that. Kolis didn’t care about the other Primals. He only cared about what his brother could and couldn’t do.

Settling back against Ash’s chest, I returned to what had started this conversation. “Then who judged Lathan?”

“If the Pillars could not judge him, then the Arae would have.”

Which meant they would likely judge me because I doubted the Pillars would know what to do with me. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing or if Holland would have any say in it.

“How does the water feel?”

“Amazing.” All the soreness had faded away. It had to be the heat of the water and maybe even a little of the magic of this hidden-away cavern.

Ash tucked the back of my head against his shoulder. “Better than your lake?”

“Yeah, it is.” I sighed, squeezing the arm that banded my waist. As I’d noticed before, his skin was even cool under the water, which probably stopped me from overheating. “But in a different way.”

His thumb moved along the flare of my hip under the water’s surface, sweeping back and forth. “How so?”

My gaze flickered over the softly churning hot springs. The fractured beams of sunlight glinted off the surface as wisps of steam rose, tangling with the hanging lilacs. “My lake is…it’s refreshing, but this is relaxing. Like I could fall asleep.”

“Yeah. I think I could do that myself.” There was a heaviness to his voice as he dipped, kissing my temple. “I wish we could.”

I wished for so many things.

A knot threatened to lodge itself in my throat. I drew in a deep breath, hoping to alleviate it.

“We will come back here.” Ash’s lips brushed the curve of my cheek. “I promise.”

My eyes shut as that damn knot expanded. It was sweet of him to promise, but we would never come back here. I hoped he did, though, as I opened my eyes. I looked over the glistening outcropping of rocks and the lilac-covered walls as I thought about what I wanted for him when this was all over. A life. A future. Love. I hoped he made more good memories here.

Ash’s thumb stilled against my hip. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.” That wasn’t necessarily a lie. My stomach remained settled, and I didn’t feel like I would fall over, but I was tired. Though I didn’t think the warm water had much to do with that.

Ash was quiet for a moment. “Did I ever tell you what anguish tastes like?”

My eyes narrowed.

“It’s tangy, almost bitter,” he continued, straightening a delicate link on Aios’s necklace.

“Stop reading my emotions.”

“It’s one of the hardest emotions to block out. Sometimes, it’s even louder than joy, but it’s almost impossible to shield from yours.”

My nose scrunched. “Almost impossible?”

His chuckle rumbled against my back. “Almost,” he repeated. “I’m simply more…in tune with you than anyone else.”

I thought about that. Just a drop of my blood had allowed him to sense if I was in danger, even if he was in Iliseeum and I was in the mortal realm. He’d taken far more than a drop since then, so it made sense that his ability to read emotions, something he’d gotten from his mother, would also be enhanced when it came to me.

But did that mean he would feel what I felt when I…when I died?

My chest clenched. Gods, I hoped not.

I couldn’t think about that, though. Only the gods knew what emotion he picked up when I did.

“I’m not sad,” I told him.

“Sera,” he sighed.

“It’s not what you think. It’s just that I wish…I wish we had more time.”

“We will.”

I pressed my lips together as I nodded.

His chin grazed the side of my face. “You’re so brave. So godsdamn brave and strong,” he whispered. “There is no one like you, Sera.”

“Stop being…” I trailed off, my brows knitting.

“Stop being sweet?” Ash said. “As I said before—”

“You’re only telling the truth.” The skin of my shoulders pimpled. My dream came back to me in a rush. “I dreamt of you saying that.”

“I know.”

I stiffened, then jerked upright before twisting in his lap to face him. “The dreams—”

“They weren’t normal dreams.” Tendrils of eather brightened his eyes.

My mouth fell open.

“I should’ve picked up on it the first time,” he said. “Especially when you kept arguing that it was your dream.”

“I wasn’t arguing.”

That warm, soft grin returned. “You have such a strange understanding of the word arguing.”

“Maybe it is you who does?”

His lips curved up farther. “Either way, everything was too damn real. The feel of the grass beneath me. The feel of you.” The hand at my hip swept up my waist as his gaze dropped to where the fizzing water teased the tips of my breasts. His voice thickened. “The feel of being inside you. No dreams could replicate the beauty of that.”

My heart skipped a beat as I stared at him. “Everything did feel real. Both times—” The skipping motion moved to my stomach. “You told me to tell Kolis that I needed you to Ascend, and to summon the Arae.”

“I did. It was the best plan I could come up with,” he confirmed. “I knew he would never let me leave with you, but it would’ve given us a chance to escape.”

Ash was right. Kolis never would’ve allowed him to leave with me. If it had come down to it, he would’ve just kept Ash there until my Ascension happened.

“In the end, you didn’t need me to get free,” he said, pride filling his voice. My cheeks warmed in response. “You had it handled.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said. “I never would’ve gotten out of Dalos without you.”

“I disagree. You would’ve found a way.” Ash leaned in, kissing me softly. “And I’m confident enough in my strength to admit that.”

Liking—no, loving—that he didn’t feel less capable due to my capability, I smiled against his mouth. “It was a good plan. It could’ve worked.”

Ash kissed me again, this time longer. When our lips parted, my pulse pounded pleasantly.

“You know,” I said after a moment, “I dreamt of swimming in my lake with a wolf watching over me. I dreamt that many times.”

“I think that was when I was in stasis.” His brows knitted. “I’m not exactly sure how, but all I can come up with is that part of me—”

“Your nota?”

“How do you know about that?”

“Attes told me about it one of the times he was able to get to me.”

His head tilted. “Exactly how many times did he visit you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Like twice.”

“And he couldn’t free you?”

“You know he couldn’t,” I reminded him, but Ash appeared as if he were choosing not to remember that. Time to change the subject. “So, when I saw you in your wolf form, it was because…?”

“I think part of my consciousness—a part of my being—was still alert enough to find you.”

My mind raced, figuring out the timing. When I dreamt of the wolf and him, it had lined up with when he was in and out of stasis, but… “That wasn’t the first time I’ve dreamt of your wolf.”

A slight frown appeared, and then his expression smoothed out. “When you almost went into stasis while in the Shadowlands.” He gave me a small shake of his head when I nodded. “Damn. I thought that was a dream then, but it wasn’t even the first time…”

Wait. The first time.

“The first dream when you weren’t in your wolf form. When we had sex.” I gasped. “We actually had dream sex?” My eyes widened. “Well, that explains a lot.”

“Explains what, liessa?”

“Why I could, you know, still feel you when I woke up.”

The tips of his fangs became visible as his smile turned almost smug. “Exactly how did you still feel me, liessa?”

“I could feel you—okay, all of that is possibly the least important thing to discuss right now,” I decided.

Ash chuckled. “I don’t know about that.”

Catching the teasing note in his voice, I felt a tiny catch in my chest. Hearing him like this was—gods, it was too rare.

It was yet another thing I wished for: more moments like those.

I swallowed, pressing my hands flat to his chest. “I’ve heard stories about something like this. People who can walk in each other’s dreams.”

“Mates of the heart,” he surmised, and I felt a twinge deep in my chest.

“I…I’ve heard the legends of such.” I thought of my parents. “But that can’t be it,” I said before he could. “Then how is it possible?”

An emotion flickered across his face—too fast for me to decipher. “It could be because we’ve shared blood. That could be common among those who’ve experienced what we did.”

I started to ask how he couldn’t be sure, but who could he have asked? He’d still been young when Kolis killed his father, and while I thought there had been some sort of friendship between Ash and Attes, they had kept some distance between them.

“Or it’s the embers,” Ash added as his thumbs moved in small circles along my ribs. “In particular, the one my father took from me and put in your bloodline. That could be what allowed us to connect in our dreams.”

 The thing was, no one knew if that was the case or not. Well, maybe the Arae did, but what happened with the embers had never been done before. It made sense. And it also made me wonder about other ways it may have formed a connection between us. Between the blood we’d shared and this…

Tension crept into my muscles as it finally occurred to me that this was one of the reasons Ash knew something had happened when I was held captive. How I’d reacted when he said he knew Kolis had hurt me. That was how he’d known what Kyn and Kolis told him while he was imprisoned couldn’t all be lies. My chest twisted as I looked up. The softness and teasing were completely gone from Ash’s features as he watched me.

Shit.

I needed to pull it together, and not thinking about all of that would be the first and most important step in doing so.

Forcing my thoughts elsewhere, I thought of my lake. And Ash, watching over me. “Can I ask you something else?”

“Of course.”

I smiled. “Why didn’t you tell me you could shift into a wolf?”

Thick lashes lowered, shielding his gaze. “I didn’t know if it would…disturb you.”

“Why would you think that?”

He shrugged one shoulder and cleared his throat. When his lashes lifted, the vulnerability in his expression struck me. “Most would be at least unsettled by another’s ability to change into a beast.”

“Some would probably be a little freaked out by it, but I’m not most people.”

“No,” he murmured. “You are not.”

“And a wolf is not a beast. A dakkai? Yes. That’s a beast to me.” I traced the line of his collarbone. “A wolf is beautiful.” My gaze met his. “You are beautiful in that form.”

“Thank you.”

I tapped my fingers on his skin. “I find all your forms beautiful. This one. The wolf. When you go full Primal.”

“Full Primal?”

I nodded, dragging my lower lip between my teeth. “When your skin resembles shadowstone, and you do that smoky, shadow thing.”

Eather intensified, churning wildly in his eyes. “I think I know exactly which part of the full Primal form you find so…beautiful.”

My cheeks flushed as my mind immediately flashed to the night Ash had been drawn to me as I pleasured myself. Those smoky tendrils of shadow energy he controlled were definitely beautiful. And wicked. And highly arousing. My stomach clenched in the most delicious way, just remembering that night.

Gods, I really couldn’t think of that right now, even if I was still so damn relieved and thrilled that I could. That I could feel desire. But other things needed to be handled. Important things that did not involve those scandalous wisps of eather or any of our body parts.

I squared my shoulders. “We probably need to get going.”

“Yeah.” He tipped his head back. “But you’ll need clothing to do so.”

Glancing around the cavern, I raised a brow. “I think we’re out of luck when it comes to that.”

“I’ll retrieve some for you,” he said, reminding me that he was so much younger than the other Primals and couldn’t manifest clothing like Attes could. “It’ll take a few minutes, if that. Enjoy a little more time here.”

That meant he would shadowstep. He was going to leave. My stomach pitched, and gods, I couldn’t stop the burst of panic. “I can put the gown back on.”

“I don’t ever want to see you in that again.” The eather whipped across his eyes. “And it has nothing to do with the blood all over it. That is the only part of the gown I like.”

“Because it’s Kolis’s blood?” I guessed.