Текст книги "Bad Romance"

Автор книги: Jen McLaughlin

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

It didn’t escape my notice that she didn’t say the words back.

“I know. Me, too.” I hugged her back, holding her so tightly, it was a miracle I didn’t crack a rib. It still wasn’t tight enough. I memorized the way she felt against me, knowing this was the last time I would feel it. Knowing this was my last chance to hold her like this. Love her. Touch her. Breathe in her scent. “Lilly, I’m leaving. I should be hearing back about Hawaii tomorrow, but no matter what they say, I’m going. And I’m not coming back. I can’t see you with him. Can’t do it.”

“Jackson…” Her shoulders shook, and she clung to me even tighter, sobs escaping her in big, gasping gulps. “No.”

I closed her out, my own pain cutting me in half like a guillotine blade. “Shh.” I kissed her temple. “Don’t cry.” Her salty cheek this time. “Please don’t cry over me.”

She lifted her face to mine, those bright emerald eyes of hers sucking me in. “I can’t stop. I can’t…I can’t…I…”

Can’t marry him. You can’t marry him. Say it.

But she didn’t.

So I kissed her softly, putting all those feelings I’d been spilling out to her into actions instead of words. It was meant to be a goodbye, of sorts. But that soft kiss exploded, and morphed into something more, the second our lips touched. And the next thing I knew, she was pressed between the wall and me, my hand was up her dress, and she moaned my name.

And I was helpless to stop it.

Chapter 21

Lilly

I love you, too, Jackson.

It was there, dying to escape. To be said. To be heard. Because I did love him, with all my heart, and I always had. Probably always would. But he was telling me to jump off a cliff with him, to take a leap, and I wasn’t sure how I could do that.

Not with all of those people counting on me.

I love you, too. So much.

I was trying my best to hold it all back, because saying those words would do neither of us any good. Saying it wouldn’t change the fact I was committed to my decision and that he was committed to his. At this point, we both knew there was no compromise to be found here.

The only thing that would change our unhappy ending was if I stopped caring. If I walked away from it all, and left Derek, the company, my family, and made them all fend for themselves, then we could be happy. But at what cost?

We were in a dim supply closet, with mops and brooms and all sorts of cleaning supplies, but neither of us seemed to notice. Or care. I ran my hands over Jackson’s arms, the urgency of his kiss hitting me, too. Spurring me on. I knew this would be the end. The last moments of our time together. Jackson was leaving, and I knew that I wouldn’t see him again for a long time.

Maybe not ever.

I knew I would write to him, after all, let him know I still thought of him, but he wouldn’t write me back. As far as Jackson was concerned, this was the end of us….

Unless I did something.

Tears stung the backs of my eyelids, but I forced them to wait. My fingers fumbled with the button of his pants, and I unzipped them. His hard erection strained against the confines of his pants. When they hit the floor around his ankles, he groaned. I wrapped my hand around him, squeezing, and he thrust into my hand, deepening the kiss.

He slammed me up against the wall and ran his hand up my thigh, not stopping until my dress was around my waist. “Jesus, Lilly.”

I nodded frantically, squeezing his erection harder. “I know.”

“I need one last time. One last taste of heaven.” He kissed me again, hard and fast, pumping his hips into my hand. “I’m an addict, and I need one more hit before I go, love. Just. One. More.”

“Yes, God, yes.” I lifted my leg and he slid his hand under my knee, holding me in place as he thrust his hips against me. “More.”

Growling, he yanked my fingers, breaking my hold on him, and spun me so I faced the wall. I gasped and rested my weight on my hands, up against the wall. From behind me, he nipped at my shoulder and cupped my core, rubbing his palm against my aching clit and thrusting two fingers inside me.

“Oh, my—” I bit down on my tongue to stop the scream that almost escaped, dragging my nails across the wall as they sought purchase. “Jackson.”

“You’re so wet for me. So ready.” He bit down on the back of my neck and flicked his tongue over the sting. “I’ve never wished for a different life like I am in this moment.”

Tossing my dress over my hips, he tipped them up, shoved my panties to the side, and positioned himself at my core. Bending over me, he placed a hand over my mouth, kissed my shoulder, and thrust inside me with one hard movement.

I screamed, which was thankfully muffled, and came so hard I saw stars. He let out a long and sexy groan and moved inside me, his hips going faster and deeper with each stroke, while his fingers continued to move over my clit. He took me higher right away, dragging me over the crest with him all over again. I knew I wasn’t being quiet, despite his hand and my best efforts, and someone might be able to hear us, but the thing was…

I didn’t care. Not anymore.

How could I, when he loved me? Jackson Worthington loved me, and I loved him, too. I had everything I ever wanted in my grasp—things I didn’t even know I wanted until Jackson—and I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t give up on us.

We were meant to be.

“I love you,” he said in my ear.

I cried out, the sound unintelligible, and lifted my hips higher so he could go even deeper. When he did, I screamed his name and came again, the whole world just kind of fading away to nothing and no one else but Jackson. He thrust once, twice, a third time, and he came, too, grunting and collapsing on top of me the best he could considering our position.

Our uneven, heavy breathing synced, and he held me close, lowering his hand from my mouth and pressing it to my chest, so we were glued together even more. His other hand remained over my core. “Lilly.”

It was time to tell him. To open myself up like he had done to me, to take that leap and try to get my own happy ending. To give up on what had been laid out in front of me my whole life, and create my own destiny. “Jackson, I lo—”

The door flew open, and we both froze.

I mean, we had literally been caught pants-down, and there was no going back from that. No making excuses or explaining it away. I might have been more panicked if I hadn’t already decided I wanted to call off the wedding, but now…it was a means to an end. Still, the strap of my dress had fallen to my elbow and was pulled down at the breast. The bottom half of the gown was around my waist…and Jackson was still buried deep inside me with his pants around his ankles.

And his hand on my…

Oh. God. It was almost comical.

Choking on a hysterical laugh, I lifted my head to see who’d caught us. If there was a way to contain this, so we could tell my father and Derek properly, that would be ideal. “I know how this looks, but this is a big—” I cut off midsentence because it was, of course, the biggest gossip this side of Arlington. “Lucy…please. Wait.”

“Excuse me for interrupting,” she said quickly, her tone mock-apologetic. Her gaze, however, took in every inch of our sordid position. “This is clearly a family matter.”

Jackson stiffened behind me and tossed my dress down over my bare rear end. He pulled out of me and stepped back, giving Lucy quite the view. A view she took full advantage of. He tugged his boxers up. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

Lucy tittered. There was no other word for it. “Indeed, I do believe it is.”

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Jackson said quickly. I could have told him not to waste his time. She wouldn’t even wait until she was fully into the ballroom to tell everyone what she saw. “It was a momentary lapse in judgment.”

Lucy backed off, still transfixed on Jackson’s crotch as he pulled his pants into place. She licked her lips and pressed a hand to her stomach. “I won’t tell anyone…if…we…you…”

Growling, I stepped toward her, hands curled into fists, putting myself between her and Jackson. I knew exactly what she wanted, and she wouldn’t be getting it. “Get out of here before I scratch your eyes out.”

Gasping, Lucy picked up her skirts and ran.

Jackson spun on me, anger clearly written all over his face. “What the hell? I could’ve—”

“No. You couldn’t have.” I smoothed my dress over my stomach and fixed my strap. “She’s the biggest gossip in Arlington. By the time we walk out there, everyone will know. It’s over.”

He covered his face and paced. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

I watched him panic, dread settling in my stomach, too. “We can explain. We can go out there, tell Daddy what happened, and—”

“Explain what?” he snapped. He didn’t look relieved, like I felt. He didn’t seem happy that our secret was out, or that we didn’t have to keep hiding. He dropped his hands, and his gaze met mine, and the shame and guilt I saw in his sent a knife of pain piercing through my chest. “I did it again. I ruined everything. I ruined you.”

Suddenly, his behavior made sense. He didn’t know I wanted to be with him. That I chose him. That I didn’t care if the whole world knew. I had to tell him. “No. Jackson, I—”

The door flew open, and Derek stood there, trembling with rage. “How dare you?”

I flinched. “I…”

“We can—” Jackson started to say, but he cut himself off. When Jackson saw Derek, breathing hard, it was as if a switch went off in his head. The Jackson I knew and loved went away with the blink of an eye, and a cocky stranger took his place. “Derek. It’s about time you came. We just came, too…literally.”

I gasped. “Jackson. What are you doing?”

“You low-life son of a bitch.” Derek took one look at me, another at Jackson, and sprang into action. “You know what’s at stake!” He swung for Jackson.

Even though I knew he could, Jackson didn’t duck to miss the blow. Derek’s knuckles connected with Jackson’s nose, and he stumbled back, not even flinching. Blood spurted out of his nose, but Jackson didn’t swipe it away. He just grinned. “Is that all you’ve got, Derek?”

Derek growled and swung at Jackson again, connecting with his stomach this time. “I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch.”

Jackson doubled over, wheezing for a second before straightening. Once he steadied himself, he cocked his brow and laughed. “That was a little better,” he wheezed. “Try again, harder this time. You can do it. Go on. Kill me.”

Derek stumbled back, eyeing Jackson as if he were a monster. “You’re insane.”

“Yeah, and I just fucked your fiancée. What are you going to do about it?”

Derek went red in the face.

“Jackson, stop it!” I cried, jumping between the two men. I didn’t know what was going on inside Jackson’s head, but he obviously sought out punishment for what we’d done. “Stop it right now.”

Derek shoved me out of the way, and I crashed into the closet wall, taking a broom down with me. Derek froze. “Lilly, I’m so—”

Something inside Jackson snapped. He launched himself at Derek, slamming him into the wall, easily holding him in place with a forearm across his throat. “What did I tell you about hurting her? Huh? What did I say?”

Derek fought Jackson’s grip, but it was useless. “You two act like you’re the only ones suffering here. Like it’s only about you. What about me, huh? What about what I want?”

“I don’t give a shit what you want.” Jackson pressed his forearm even harder into Derek’s throat, and Derek’s eyes went all wide. “I only care about what she wants, and she wants to save Hastings. And, goddamn you, you’re going to let her.”

Derek flailed and scratched at Jackson’s arms, but Jackson didn’t let up. Derek went pale, then red, and then pale again. I watched with horror, struggling to get to my feet, but my long dress kept tangling around my legs. When I finally got to my feet, Derek’s lips were turning an alarming shade of blue, and I finally snapped into motion.

Grabbing Jackson’s hard, unyielding arm, I pulled as hard as I could. “Jackson, stop! You’re hurting him!”

Jackson growled at me over his shoulder, breathing heavily, nostrils flared, and murder written all over his face. “He deserves it.”

Derek gurgled, his hands dropping to his sides as the fight slowly left him.

“Stop, please.” I choked on a sob. “You can’t kill him. He’s my fiancé.”

That seemed to pull Jackson out of his trance. The murderous rage left his eyes, and he dropped Derek like yesterday’s trash. “Yeah. He is. Isn’t he?”

Just like that…

He walked out of the closet.

And out of my life.

Chapter 22

Jackson

I hadn’t slept a second last night. I stood in the foyer, ready to leave Lilly and everything in Arlington behind, but something held me back. All night long, I sat in the living room, waiting for her to come home. I owed her an apology, if nothing else. An explanation. I had truly wanted to kill her fiancé….

And if she hadn’t stopped me, I just might have.

Something had snapped in my brain, and I wasn’t in that closet anymore. I was back overseas, fighting for my life, and Derek had stood in my way. I lost myself in that closet, as well as my tight grip on reality that I always held close to my chest, and nothing had ever been more alarming than that. I had almost killed a man.

What the hell was I supposed to do with that?

I needed to get the hell out of here. Away from Lilly, who threw me into such an unsteady emotional state that I could snap at the blink of an eye. I needed to leave this feeling that I would never be happy behind me. I needed to…

Leave Lilly behind, too.

Once I knew she was all right.

What would be the ramifications of us getting caught? Would she still marry Derek? If not, would her father kick her out? Give her a chance to live her own life? I had to know. Had to make sure she was okay, even though I wasn’t.

The door opened and I lurched to my feet, heart thumping loudly in my head. It was the only reason I knew it hadn’t shattered apart yet. That steady beating that wouldn’t shut up. Footsteps sounded in the foyer, and I knew right away they weren’t Lilly’s. They were too long. Too cocky.

When I saw who rounded the corner…

I stiffened and wished I were anywhere but here. “Mother. Walt.”

She rounded the corner behind Walt. Her hair was in a severe bun, and she wore a black cotton dress. Her lips were stained a light red, and she grasped a small purse with white knuckles. “You’re still here.”

“Yeah.” I shoved my hand through my hair. “I was waiting to see—”

“Lilly,” she finished for me, crossing her arms and casting a quick glance at Walt. “She’s not coming, and I think that’s best. She’s had a long night at the hospital with Derek. You nearly crushed his trachea.”

Walt didn’t speak. Just stared at me.

They were likely waiting for me to apologize, but that wasn’t going to happen. I wanted to ask if the wedding was still on, but I didn’t want to hear the outcome of my betrayal secondhand. I wanted it straight from the source, so I remained silent, steadily staring at my mother and ignoring Walt. “Why did you come here?”

“Lilly needs clothes.” Her nostrils flared. “She doesn’t wish to see you, so I came in her stead. Walter drove me, because I’m too fraught to do so myself.”

I stepped back, out of the doorway, ignoring my mother’s gibe. I wouldn’t believe a word she said, not when it came to Lilly. “I’m sure you know where her room is.”

Mother started up the stairs, her back ramrod straight and her head held high. Halfway up them, she stopped, gripping the bannister tightly. “Are you pleased with yourself, Jackson?”

“No.” I gritted my teeth. “Not at all.”

“You need to leave here. And don’t come back.” She glowered at me. “Not until you’re married to someone else, and Lilly is safely married, and you’re both ready to behave like adults. Until then…stay away from her. From all of us.”

I said nothing. Just stared back at her.

Shaking her head, she climbed the stairs. I turned to Walt and waited. He wore a crisp gray suit and light blue shirt, and had his hair styled to the side as always. As soon as we were alone, he did exactly what you would expect a man like him to do. “How much is this going to cost me?” he asked.

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“For you to go away and leave Lilly alone,” Walt said, pulling a checkbook out. “How much money will it take?”

“I don’t want your money,” I said through my gritted teeth. “Put your damn checkbook away.”

A muscle in Walter’s jaw ticked, and he stepped closer. “I didn’t spend my life working as hard as I did, and as much as I did, to lose it because of a little punk like you. We both know you’re the type of guy to take the check. Take the money. Leave our lives. Don’t ever come back.”

Shaking my head, I grabbed my bags. “You’re wrong about me. You’ve always been wrong about me. And I’m not taking a damn thing from you except your daughter—if she’ll have me. So you can go to hell.”

Suitcases in hand, I headed for the door. It was time to leave this life behind me, but first, I had one last stop to make. Nothing, and no one, would prevent me from making it. Not even him.

Lilly

I sat at my father’s table, staring at nothing, and had been for God only knew how long. It felt like a lifetime, though. Last night ended up being a blur of getting Derek to the hospital, convincing him not to press charges, breaking off our engagement, and getting screamed at by my father for eight hours straight.

The whole time, I sat there. Taking it. Listening to how horrible of a daughter I was. How terrible of a human being I was. Because I knew I was going to leave.

Once Jackson showed up, I was out of here.

I never considered that he might leave town without talking to me first, like he had last time. Not after all the things he’d said to me, and what happened in that closet. He wouldn’t leave without coming to see me first. I had to believe that. Had to believe in him. He wouldn’t leave me without a proper goodbye.

And, little did he know, he wouldn’t get a goodbye at all.

He was getting something entirely different. I already knew I wanted to go with him. Leave Arlington. But hours in the hospital to think and reflect on how much time had passed since Jackson came into my life provided me with knowledge of something I hadn’t even realized was happening, or possible.

And that knowledge?

Yeah, it was life-changing.

Smiling, I pressed a hand to my jittery stomach, because I was finally free, and I had Jackson to thank for that. After hours of me sitting by his side, Derek had formally withdrawn his proposal. He was fine, and the doctors gave him a clean bill of health, but he was milking it for all it was worth. Deep down, I think he was grateful for the reprieve. Maybe now he’d find the courage to fight for his happiness, too.

Hastings International was now in jeopardy, which Daddy reiterated nonstop since Lucy did exactly what I expected her to do. It was my fault. I owned that. My actions had led to this, but the thing was, they were mine. My choices. I didn’t regret them, or my feelings for Jackson. I refused to.

Yawning, I sat up straight, leaned my elbows on the table, and picked up the hot coffee the housekeeper set in front of me. I think she pitied me. No one else did. They all hated me, but…

Where was Jackson?

Footsteps sounded behind me, and I mentally prepared myself for the next screaming match. Because I refused to back down, and do as told. And that was driving my father insane. “Daddy, can we please take a break? I’m sorry you’re upset, but—”

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” an all-too-familiar voice said. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”

My lids flew open, and I struggled to my feet. “Jackson, I—”

“Your dad offered me money to leave you. To walk away.”

My jaw dropped. I knew Daddy didn’t like Jackson, but to insinuate he could be bought off like that? That I was some sort of paycheck for Jackson, and nothing more? That was an all-time low. I pressed a hand to my stomach. “No. He didn’t.”

“He did.”

I swallowed hard. “What did you say to him?”

“What the hell do you think I said to him?” he snapped, anger turning his brown eyes almost black. “I told him to go to hell.”

“I—”

He shook his head. “Did you actually think I would take the money? That I used you like that?”

“Used me?” I asked, confused. “Who said anything about—?”

“I’m still that guy to you. The guy who used you and left you.”

I stared at him, because he wasn’t making any sense. “What? Where’s this coming from?”

“You thought I’d take the money.”

Oh. Oh. He thought I actually thought he was that kind of guy, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was just curious what his response was. If he told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine—like I wanted to do.

“No.” I shook my head. “I didn’t. I just wanted to know—”

“I’m leaving. For good.”

I swallowed hard. Did that mean he didn’t want to be with me anymore? “Okay…”

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, before I go.” He stepped closer, his shoulders tense and his hands fisted at his sides. “Are you? Okay?”

“I-I am.” I pressed a hand against my churning stomach again. “Derek called off the wedding.”

He flinched. “I’m sorry for my part in that. I never meant to take your choice from you like that. It makes me no better than Walt.”

“You didn’t. I—”

“Wait.” When I opened my mouth, he held up a hand and stared at me with beseeching eyes. “Let me speak. I have a lot to say, and I don’t know how long we’ll have. All this time, I’ve been trying to accept that you don’t—”

“You.” As if on cue, Daddy stormed into the kitchen with fire burning in his eyes. “How dare you come to my house? Get out! Get out now!”

“Walter, honey, your blood pressure!” Nancy said softly, from behind him. “Jackson, I told you not to come here.”

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Only someone in uniform can tell me what to do.”

Daddy stalked toward Jackson with murder written all over his expression. “I’ll give you a—”

“Everybody, sit down,” my stepmother snapped.

Jackson snorted. “I’m not sitting down anywhere. I’m leaving.”

“Good riddance.” Daddy threw a check at Jackson. “You forgot your money when you left the house.”

Jackson didn’t catch it, so it fluttered down to his feet. He stared down at it coldly. “No. I didn’t forget a damn thing. And I already told her about the money.”

“Did you tell her you took it? That you used her again?”

Jackson laughed and shook his head. “You just won’t quit till you’ve made her think the worst of me, will you?”

“Daddy. Don’t—”

Daddy stepped forward, finger pointed at Jackson’s chest. “She should think the worst of you. You cost thousands of people their jobs today. You’re a disgrace to this family, and always have been.”

Jackson laughed. “Yeah, because you’re just so great, right? You and your hypocritical—”

“Stop!” I cried out, trembling. “Both of you. Stop this.”

Jackson watched me coldly.

“You heard her.” Daddy pointed to the door. “Now get out of my house before I call the police.”

“Gladly,” Jackson said, his shoulders stiff. “Lilly?”

I blinked at him, not moving.

Nodding, he headed for the door. “All right, then.”

“Wait, I—” I stepped forward to follow him, but Daddy grabbed my arm. I tried to jerk free, but he didn’t release me. “Let go. I need to talk to him.”

“Let her go,” Jackson growled.

Daddy didn’t. If anything, his grip tightened. “If you walk out that door with him, you’re through. You’re no longer my daughter. You’ll no longer be a Hastings.”