Текст книги "Out of Time"
Автор книги: Jen McLaughlin
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
A few days later, someone knocked on my dorm door, and I put my history book aside, climbed out of bed, and answered it. Marie wasn’t here, and I was catching up on some studying I’d been severely behind on lately. I had been missing Finn and crying myself to sleep.
It was the weekend, and I’d been dragging myself around with less than an hour of sleep per night for almost a week. Tonight I might break down and take a Nyquil or something that would knock me flat on my back. This no-sleep stuff was for the birds.
But first, I had to open the door.
I yawned, covering my mouth, and swung the door open. As soon as I could see who stood in the hallway, I cringed inwardly. It was Cory. He smiled at me and smoothed his light blue polo. “Hey, Carrie.”
“Oh.” I forced a smile. “Hey.”
“We haven’t talked in a while, so I thought I’d stop by.” He paused. “Can I come in?”
I hesitated. Cory was harmless and all, but it felt wrong to invite him in when Finn wasn’t here. “I don’t know. I’m kind of a mess right now.”
“You look fine to me.” He looked me up and down, taking in my gray sweatpants and pink T-shirt. “What’s wrong? You look upset.”
That’s because I was upset. Finn was gone. “It’s been a rough couple of days.” I stepped out of the way and let him in. “You can stay if you want, but I’m just studying. Nothing too exciting.”
“Want to study and eat?” He looked at my open book, then at my bed. “You look like you could use a good meal. Or we could go do something fun for a change.”
I stood in front of my bed. Should I sit down on it, or would that be weird? “I already ate. And I told you, I have to study.”
“When’s the last time you did something besides hang out with your boyfriend or study?” Cory asked. “I never see you around anymore. You don’t go to parties or mixers. Don’t hang out with any of us. It’s like you don’t exist.”
I smoothed my hair self-consciously. Marie had been telling me I needed to go out and socialize, too, but I hadn’t been in the mood. Was that so bad? What if Finn called when I was out? Or if he emailed me and…
Oh my God. I’d become one of those girls without even realizing it. I’d turned into a shell of the person I’d been. “I’ve been busy,” I said a bit defensively.
“I know. We all have been, but we’re about to all go home for the holidays. Wouldn’t you like to have some fun first?”
I pictured Finn’s face. He wouldn’t like me going out with Cory. But he was here, and he had a point. I’d been a bit of a hermit. “I have a boyfriend.”
“I know.” He rubbed his stomach in a distracted manner. “I remember him quite well, actually. I’m not going to hit on you or anything. We’ll just go out and eat.”
“I don’t know…”
“We can do something fun, you know.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Marie is going skateboarding with some guy she met the other week, at a place down the road. Want to meet up with her? That way it’s not just the two of us.”
Crap. Skateboarding. I’d forgotten that’s what she was doing tonight. No wonder she kept trying to get me to come. I’d already said I would. It would be safer, too, since Marie was there. Going out alone with Cory felt wrong. “You know what? Let’s do it. Let me get changed.”
He grinned and sat down on Marie’s bed. “I’ll wait here.”
“Okay.” I dug through my clothes and pulled out jeans and a green shirt. “How long of a walk is it? Or should we drive?”
“Driving would be quicker.”
“Give me five.”
I left the room and headed into the communal bathroom, shutting a stall door behind me. Pulling out my phone, I texted Marie and confirmed she was skateboarding. Next I texted Hernandez—even though his name was Joseph, I could never remember to call him that.
Finn called him Hernandez, so I did. Going skateboarding.
He wrote back right away. What is this, high school? And with who?
Marie and some other friends. Cory too.
Coram hates him.
I rolled my eyes. Yeah. I know. But it’s fine.
All right. I’m outside.
I set down my phone, got dressed, and fixed my appearance a little. I was out in less than five minutes. As I breezed back into my room, I called out, “Ready?”
“Yeah.” Cory stood up. “And Carrie?”
I picked up my keys. “Yeah?”
“I know who you really are.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Just wanted to put that out there.”
I blinked at him. “What are you saying?”
“Carrie Wallington. Daughter of Senator Wallington, who is pro—”
I held up a hand, my heart thumping in my ears so loudly I could barely think. This wasn’t good at all. If he knew, he held the power in our relationship. He could do anything he wanted, and I wouldn’t be able to stop him. I swallowed hard. “When did you figure it out?”
“When they came to visit. I saw you out at the sushi place with them. I realized who he was, and I put two and two together.” He shrugged. “Plus, you had security following you while they were here.”
I closed my eyes. Dad and his stupid insecurities ruining everything. Now I had a potential blackmail situation on my hands. “Did you tell anyone?”
“No, of course not,” he said, looking at me as if I’d hurt his feelings. “I wouldn’t do that. You didn’t tell me, or anyone else that I know of, so why would I do it for you?”
I studied him. He looked as if he actually meant it…for now. Would that hold true over the next four years? Maybe even more, if we went to the same grad school. I’d have to tread carefully from now on.
I gave him a small smile, trying to hide my suspicion behind a calm façade. If he knew I was freaking out, he would know how much power he held over me. “Thank you. I don’t want people knowing about it.”
“I figured.” He took his hands out of his pockets and opened the door for me. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”
I looked over my shoulder at him, trying to look as if I believed him one hundred percent when I so didn’t. “All right. Let’s go skateboarding.”
Finn
I leaned back against the cracked wall, my computer on my lap. It was the first night in a while we were actually in a hotel instead of a fucking tent or some other shithole. This building was hardly the Ritz or anything, but it had walls and a roof and minimal bugs. I’d take it.
Plus, it had Wi-Fi. Fuck, I’d missed Wi-Fi.
I logged into my email, immediately opening Carrie’s latest one. It was from last night at about midnight her time. I waited for the words to load, tapping my finger on my knee the whole time.
Hey Susan,
I hope you’re doing well. Guess what? I went out last night, despite my melancholy mood. You would’ve been proud of me. I went skateboarding—yes, skateboarding—with Marie, Cory, and a bunch of friends. I didn’t even fall off…a lot.
Can you believe that?
When you get home, we should go. You’d like it.
Well, it’s after midnight and I’m sore and tired. Wear sunglasses today. I hear the sun is shining really bright.
Carrie
I closed my eyes and grinned, picturing her skateboarding with a big smile on her face. Not even the fact that she’d gone with Golden Boy could ruin my happiness for her. She was out living, even without me, and that made me happy.
I didn’t think anything would make me happy in this shithole I was stuck in.
I pulled her picture out from underneath my pillow. The one I’d taken outside of my apartment a few days before I’d left. I ran my finger over the smooth surface and swallowed hard. Sometimes I wished I hadn’t taken this offer. I could have been the one skateboarding with her. I could be holding her in my arms right now.
Shaking my head, I set her picture down and typed a quick reply. I only had two hours of down time, and I needed to catch some fucking zzz’s.
Carrie,
Skateboarding, huh? That sounds fun…for a thirteen-year-old. ;)
I’m doing well here. Sunning every day. You won’t even recognize me when I get home. That’s how dark I’m getting in all this bright sunshine.
Get some sleep.
Susan
The door opened and I looked up. It was my roommate for the night, my superior, Eric Dotter. He rubbed his eyes and flung himself on to the bed next to mine. “Jesus, I’ve never been so fucking tired in my life.”
I hit send and looked down at the twenty other emails I had—some from Dad, some from Hernandez—and sighed. I couldn’t leave it open and disturb Dotter. “I hear ya, sir.” I closed the lid to my laptop and set it aside. “I could sleep three days straight and not even roll over.”
“I could do five.” Dotter yawned, long and drawn out. “Nope. Make it six.”
I settled back against the pillows, my hand going out to the spot Carrie was supposed to be. The bed felt foreign and empty. This wasn’t where I was supposed to be, damn it. “Yeah, me too.”
“We’re going even deeper into the desert tomorrow than we did yesterday.” Dotter heaved a long sigh. “Can you believe her? She’s got a death wish.”
“Yeah, and she’s going to drag us all down with her.” I tucked Carrie’s picture under my pillow. “We’ve got almost two hours left. I’ll catch you on the flip side of our night.”
Dotter chuckled. “Good night.”
“Night,” I replied.
I laid there, looking up at the dark ceiling for a few minutes, willing my brain to shut down. It finally did, as Dotter’s soft snores filled the room. But that’s not what I heard as I drifted off. No, I heard Carrie’s soft laughter as she climbed the rock wall on that day that felt like a year ago.
And I fell asleep with a smile on my face, despite the hell I was in.
I leaned back against the car seat, my eyes focused out the window. Hernandez was driving me to the airport so I wouldn’t have to leave my car there, and all I could do was sit there listlessly.
It had been close to two weeks now. Two weeks with no Finn.
I was absolutely miserable.
I kept going out of my way to live my life like normal. To not be one of those girls who was miserable because her boyfriend was gone. But my boyfriend wasn’t away on a vacation or visiting home. He was away getting shot at or attacked.
I had nightmares about it every night, and I barely slept.
I’d tried to fill my days with activities. I’d studied. I’d even rock climbed and dragged Marie there with me. We’d skateboarded again a few times for fun, drank more coffee than was healthy, and even gone out dancing a few times.
Yeah. Me. Dancing.
Finn would never believe it, even though I told him every day what I did.
He always wrote back with encouragement and enthusiasm about my activities, but I felt almost guilty telling him the things I was up to.
While he worked, I danced and drank coffee. How was that fair?
Hernandez cleared his throat. “I heard from Coram last night.”
“Oh yeah?” I sat up straight. “What did he say?”
“He thanked me for watching you and threatened my life if I failed in my job of protecting you.” He shot me a grin. “You know, the usual.”
I rolled my eyes. “He wouldn’t actually kill you. He likes you too much.”
“Um, I think he likes you more.” He chuckled. “I don’t kiss him or fu—” He broke off, his cheeks going red. “Well, you know.”
“You can say dirty words in front of me,” I said, my tone dry. He reminded me of how Finn was before we connected—all cautious and reserved. Ah, who was I kidding? He had never been cautious around me. “I won’t tell my dad.”
“I’m more worried about you telling Coram. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea. You know?”
Like what? That we were flirting?
I looked over at him, eyeing him critically. I hadn’t really paid him much attention, to be honest. He’d just been the guy who followed me around. The guy who wasn’t Finn. I mean, he was nice and all, but we hadn’t talked much.
He was cute. Really, really cute.
He had the same lightly tanned skin and dark hair that most men of Spanish descent had and dark brown eyes. There were tons of muscles and a few tattoos, just like Finn. He was a stunner.
If Marie ever saw him, she’d be all over him like white on rice. She loved exotic men, and he definitely fit the bill. Which got me thinking… “Are you single?”
He shot me a narrow eyed look. “Yeah.”
“I have a friend. Her name’s Marie. Blonde. Pretty.” I tapped my fingers on the door. “Maybe when Finn gets back we can double-date or something.”
“Uh…” Hernandez ran a hand over his short hair. “Yeah, maybe. We’ll see.”
I pulled out my phone. The home screen was Finn and me on “Christmas” night. I’d have to fix that before I touched down in D.C. I pulled up the picture of Marie at Starbucks the other day and held it out. “Here she is.”
He stopped at the stoplight and looked, disinterest on his face until he focused on the phone. He leaned closer and grinned. “Okay. We’ll do it once Coram’s back.”
“Deal.” I laughed and shoved the phone in my purse. “Tell me, how did you two meet?”
He pulled forward and merged into the left lane. “At drill. When he moved out here, he told me how he was babysitting some spoiled little brat for a year.” He shot me an apologetic smile. “Oops. Sorry.”
“I know what he thought of me at first,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s not exactly news to me.”
“I know. But then I asked for the whole story and all he would tell me is you were a politician’s daughter and you’d never known a day of freedom in your life. We got closer over the weekend, and made plans to hang out the next weekend.”
I nodded. “And then?”
“We met up for drinks and he said, ‘Dude. I was wrong. She’s not spoiled and I like her a lot. I’m fucked.’” Hernandez laughed. “I remember the look of panic on his face. He looked like he was in hell and about to fall off a ledge into the fiery pits.”
I pursed my lips. “How long after he met me was this?”
“I think a week?”
“So we’d already kissed.” I smiled. “Yeah, he was ‘fucked,’ all right.”
“He told me about it. Told me he’d never met anyone like you but he couldn’t have you.” Hernandez pulled into the airport. “He also told me about your dad blackmailing him, basically, about his dad’s pension. Did you know they’ve been friends for years? His dad and your dad? He begged Coram’s dad to come work for him in D.C.”
I blinked at Hernandez. “I didn’t know that, no. If he’s friends with Larry, why would he threaten to take away his bonus?”
“I think it’s just that. A threat.”
“You don’t think he’d do it?”
“I don’t know much about your dad. Just what I’ve gotten from his texts. But it seems to me that if a man begs a buddy to come out and work with him…” Hernandez turned the car off and gripped the door handle. “Then the last thing he’ll do is take his friend’s money. Right?”
I nodded. “You’d think so.”
“I think your dad struck where he thought it would hurt Coram most. To make sure he would keep his hands to himself.” Hernandez opened the door. “So he got Coram to agree to those terms.”
I opened my door and got out, meeting Hernandez at the back of the car. “Yeah. Maybe.”
“He’s been very nice to me. Checks in a lot, but I already knew what to expect.” He pulled out my luggage and set it on the pavement. “You have everything? Passport, ID, tickets?”
I patted my purse. “A politician’s daughter never travels without that stuff. I got that drummed in to my head at a young age. Oh, and hey?”
He looked at me. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for taking me to Finn’s guy for my tattoo. I can’t wait to show Finn when he gets home.” I pressed a hand to my hip. “It’s his present.”
He smiled. “Anytime. It gave me some ideas for my next one.” He motioned me forward, my luggage behind him. “You walk, I’ll pull.”
We passed a military vet with a sign asking for a ride to San Diego. I reached into my purse and handed him some money and a gift card to McDonald’s. “Good luck, sir. I hope you get home.”
“Thank you, miss,” the man said, squeezing my hand and smiling up at me.
Hernandez stood behind me, hovering close enough to grab me and protect me if necessary. “If you don’t mind, I can give him a ride there after I leave,” he murmured in my ear. “But it’s your car.”
I nodded. “This man will give you a ride, if you’d like. He’ll be out in a few minutes.”
“Bless you.” The man shook Hernandez’s hand. “Bless you.”
Hernandez inclined his head. “I’m always willing to help out a fellow member of the military, sir.”
After the arrangements were made for the man to remain where he was and wait for Hernandez to come back, we went into the airport. He shook his head. “Coram wasn’t kidding about you wanting to save the world and everyone in it, was he?”
I flushed. “I wouldn’t say that. I just like to help.”
“You’re going to school to be a therapist, right?”
“Yeah.” I smiled and swiped my card down the slot for the baggage claim and ticket printout. “It’s a good fit for me.”
“I believe that.” He set the baggage on the scale and watched as I checked in and paid. Once I was finished, he held out his right hand. “Well, have a nice trip. I’ll be here waiting for you, if Coram’s not stateside yet.”
“Thanks, Hernandez.” I shook his hand and laughed at myself. “I have to stop calling you that. Your name is Joe, right?”
“Yeah. Well, Joseph.” He dropped my hand. “But Coram calls me Hernandez, so it makes sense for you to do the same.”
“Well, goodbye, Joseph.” I waved. “See you later. Don’t forget about our double date.”
“I won’t.” He pointed at me and backed toward the door. “Now get through that gate so I can give that guy a ride home. He’s been waiting long enough.”
I laughed and left, a smile on my face. He turned and walked out the door, his steps sure and powerful. He looked pretty darn good leaving, too. Even I had to admit it.
Marie was going to love him.
The next morning, I rolled over slowly, knowing when I opened my eyes that I’d be alone. Utterly, horribly alone in my parents’ house. I closed my eyes, trying to hold on to how wonderful that last night with Finn had felt. I wanted to remember the way I’d felt after we made love—close and naked. And so freaking happy.
I did it every morning.
Then every morning, reality came crashing back down on me. It sucked.
I reached up and fingered the sun pendant I hadn’t taken off since “Christmas morning” when Finn had given it to me. I still had no idea when he’d be home. I missed him so much it actually hurt. It was like I had this big, gaping hole inside of me that oozed pus and blood until I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. I just wanted to hurry up through Thanksgiving and Christmas and get to the part when Finn came home.
My parents knew something was up with me. They kept bugging me and asking me why I was so silent, and I kept blowing it off. I wanted to tell them it was because I was missing a piece of me, but I couldn’t.
I’d promised Finn I would wait for him, so I was. It still stunk.
Last night, I’d hung out with Finn’s dad for a little while. He didn’t know about Finn and me, but we used to hang out when I was younger, so he didn’t question why I wanted to play chess with him last night.
He was trying to hide it from me, but I could see he was sick. I had a horrible feeling it was his heart or something like that. His skin was a pasty gray that couldn’t possibly be healthy. Most of his duties had been delegated to younger men in the squad. Dad kept talking to him in low voices, and on top of that? He looked worried.
My dad. Worried.
If that wasn’t bad, I didn’t know what was. It made me want to demand he tell Finn, but I didn’t have that right. Not yet. He might be fighting as hard as he could, but Finn deserved to know. I’d almost emailed him about it last night, but then I deleted it.
It didn’t seem like something I should tell him over an email. We’d promised no lies or secrets, but I didn’t even know for sure if his dad was sick.
I sat up and shoved the blankets down to my feet. I’d get an answer out of him soon, one way or the other. Tomorrow was the Annual Wallington Holiday Dinner, which was like Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled in to one. All of the house staff and security guards ate with the family at this party.
Dad and Mom always bestowed bonuses and gifts upon everyone, and the booze flowed freely. It was my favorite dinner of the year. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I had my phone in my hand. My heart skipped a beat when I saw I had an email from Finn. I opened it with excitement, eager for my dose of Finn.
Hey, Ginger.
It’s hot here, and it makes me think of the cold ocean water in Cali. It’s been a long day, and all I want to do is sleep, but I have to pull an all-nighter.
Remind me to show you my latest cheerleading move when I’m home. Camp’s been fun because the sun is always shining.
See you soon,
Susan
I closed my eyes and fell back against the bed, my phone clutched to my chest. Every time I heard from Finn I relaxed for a few hours, because I knew he was alive and well. Then, a few hours later, I’d start worrying again.
But right now, directly after contact, was the highlight of my day. He was okay and so was I.
I smiled and typed a quick reply to him telling him I was sleeping well—even though I wasn’t—and I told him it was sunny here, too. After I hit send, I nibbled my lower lip and looked outside. It was cloudy and gray and the snow was coming down so heavily you couldn’t even see the driveway.
Sunny, indeed.
Last night, I’d asked Dad about his relationship with Larry—poked and prodded a little. Turned out Joseph—as I was now calling him in my head—was right. He and Larry were close friends. This only confirmed my suspicions.
Dad wouldn’t screw over his friend. He might be a politician and controlling in a creepy way, but he wasn’t that kind of guy. Dad wouldn’t take away his friend’s bonus. As soon as Finn came home, I’d tell him. It would remove one more worry from over his head.
I’d also found out some more about the commanding officer that sent Finn overseas—who was actually coming to dinner tomorrow night. He always did.
But Dad had been talking about visiting Arnold when he’d come to see me, and then he’d told me that Arnold was in charge of getting high-detailed security for important politicians and politicians’ families.
Is that what Finn was doing over there…wherever over there was? Guarding a politician? That didn’t sound too dangerous. I mean, it’s what he did for me.
I liked the idea of him following some rich snob around Europe. It was safer than the nightmares that plagued me every night. A knock sounded at the door and I lifted my head to call out, “Come in.”
“It’s me,” Mom said, peeking her head inside before opening the door all the way. Her faded red hair was pulled back impeccably in a tight bun, and her light green eyes sought me out. “Are you dressed?”
Her reactions never failed to make me smile. Did she really think I’d tell her to come in if I was naked on the bed? “Yeah, Mom. I’m dressed.”
She came in and closed the door behind her. Tinkerbell, Mom’s little terrier, whined from the hallway. “Tomorrow night’s the Wallington Annual Holiday Dinner.”
I almost rolled my eyes at how she used the official name for it, but held back.
“I know.” I slipped my phone under my pillow in case Finn wrote back. I mean, he used the name Susan—he’d even created a [email protected] account to stay in character—but I still didn’t like to risk it. I sat up and hugged my knees, resting my chin on them. “Dad reminded me last night.”
“I got you a new dress for it.” She reached out and smoothed her hand down my head in the way she always did when I was upset. I was trying to act all happy and cheery, but it was hard when a piece of me was gone. “We’re going to have some extra guests, too.”
“Okay…” I rolled my head her way. “Who?”
“Arnold and his family, the Christensons,” Mom turned her head and stared out the window, “and the Stapletons.”
Why did that name sound familiar?
“Sounds nice.” I wiggled my toes and sighed. “Do you need help setting anything up?”
She laughed, seeming to be relieved about something. “No, we hired temporary help so the normal help could relax before the big event.”
Ha. Only in my life would that sentence make total sense.
Finn would’ve laughed at that, too. My heart panged, and the happiness I’d found moments before simply faded. “Mom, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” She crossed her legs and perched on the edge of my bed. “What is on your mind? Are you finally ready to talk?”
She wore a flawless pair of black dress pants and a light pink satin top. She looked every inch the lady. As a kid, I’d always wondered if I would turn out like her. If I would end up being soft spoken yet strong. Kind yet stern. Always the lady.
I didn’t think I would anymore. It wasn’t me.
“If I loved someone who wasn’t from our normal crowd, would you approve?” I met her eyes, curling my hands over my calves. “If he made me happy, would you accept him?”
She pressed her lips together. “I don’t know, dear. It would depend on the boy, I guess.” She turned to me, bending and sticking her foot underneath of her thigh. “Why? Are you seeing someone you don’t think we’d approve of?”
“No, not exactly.” I shook my head. “I like a guy who isn’t from our world. He’s not a Christenson or a Wallington.”
Mom nodded slowly. “Would he make your father’s campaign look bad?”
“I don’t think so, no.” Finn’s words echoed in my head. He’d said he wouldn’t fit in on the stage with us, with his tattoos and his motorcycle, but I didn’t care about that. “He’s not a criminal or anything.”
Mom sighed and rested her hand on my back. “Life is hard, and sometimes the heart doesn’t make much sense. Sometimes it knows best, and other times it’s wrong. You have to pay attention and decide when it’s right and when it’s off. If you’re questioning our acceptance of this boy, chances are this time it’s off and you know it.”
“Mom.” I stood up and spun on her. “That’s not true. It’s not wrong.”
“Are you sure about that?” She stood as well, remaining perfectly poised. “If you weren’t uncertain, you wouldn’t even have to ask. You’d just introduce us to this boy, and you’d be certain we would like him. Let’s count the ways this doesn’t add up.”
“It’s not that. I—”
“Hm. Let’s see.” She counted off on her fingers as she said, “Instead of telling us you have a boyfriend, you hide him and pretend he’s not real. Then you ask me if I’d like him even if he wasn’t one of us, whatever that means. Then you tell me the heart is right, even though it’s not.”
She had a point, but I wasn’t hiding him because of what she said. I was hiding him because of his job, and because he wasn’t here.
But I couldn’t tell her that, could I?
“It’s right and you’ll see it.” I put my hands on my hips. “When I’m ready to tell you about it, that is.”
“I’ll look forward to that time.” Her chin lifted. “Until then, I’ll assume we won’t like your boy, because you won’t tell us who he is.” Mom sighed and walked to my side, not even narrowing her eyes or acting the slightest bit angry. “If he makes you happy, we’ll like him.”
I nodded. “Then get ready to knit us matching sweaters for Christmas.”
“Good.” She inclined her head toward my closet. “The dress I bought you is in your closet. I had Frances put it in there this morning.”
“Thanks,” I said stiffly.
She started to walk away, but then stopped again. “You know, I’m not a snob. You seem to think I am. I’ve just been around a lot longer than you have. I’ve seen a lot more than you, and I know how the world works.”
“Maybe I want to change the world,” I said, lifting my chin.
“Maybe you will.”
And with that, she opened the door and left with Tinkerbell trailing behind her, like always.
