Текст книги "Out of Time"

Автор книги: Jen McLaughlin

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Everyone was mingling and chatting, and the noise was incessant. Mr. Richards’s kids were running around pretending to shoot at each other, and the conversation was deafening. I cringed and tightened my grip on Riley’s arm. Suddenly, the empty sitting room seemed a heck of a lot better place to be. At least I could hear myself think.

Riley scanned the room. “Holy crap, this is insane.”

“Yeah.” I sighed and patted his arm. “Welcome to the Wallington Holiday Dinner.”

“It’s…different,” he said, grinning.

“Ah, there you are,” Mom said, smiling at me and then smiling even wider at Riley. “We were wondering where you two got off to.”

Riley nudged me and I bit down on my tongue to keep myself from laughing.

“Oh, you know, Mrs. Wallington.” He bowed at the waist. “Just talking and getting to know one another. Your daughter is fascinating.”

“Perfect.” Mom clapped her hands. “Come, come. There are refreshments of the spirited kind for you, Riley, and some sparkling cider and soda for those of you who aren’t twenty-one.”

I rolled my eyes. “Otherwise known as me.”

“Yes, dear,” Mom said, patting my arm. “Well, I’ll leave you two young ones to yourselves as I mingle. Ta-ta.”

I cringed and waved. “Bye.”

“She’s too cute,” Riley said, smiling after her. “My mom is nothing like her. She’s a bear disguised as a sheep.”

I looked at his small, blonde mom. She looked sweet and rich, like the rest of the women in the room. She talked to her tall, gray-haired husband, while a few feet away Larry and Christy talked between themselves.

“If you say so. She looks harmless enough.” I smiled at him and untangled myself from his arm. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go talk to some of the staff.”

He bowed. “Have fun.”

I nodded and made my way over to Finn’s dad. He saw me coming and turned to me with a smile so much like Finn’s that it hurt to see. “Carrie, doll. You look gorgeous tonight.”

I smiled and hugged him. “You do, too. Very dashing.”

“Thank you.” He patted his thinning belly, sweat covering his forehead in a thin sheen. He looked exhausted. “I love these dinners.”

“So do I.” I pointed to an empty row of chairs. “Come, sit with me.”

He smiled and followed me. “You’re worried about me.”

“You look tired is all,” I protested. “Are you feeling well?”

“As well as a man my age can feel, yes.” He sat down and stretched his legs in front of him, then turned his shiny blue Finn eyes on me. “Getting old is no fun, doll.”

“I’m sure,” I said, sitting down beside him. “Besides that…are you well?”

He looked at me, his brow furrowed. “I’m fine. I’m just worried about my son.”

“O-Oh.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing tight. “He’s fine, I’m sure. He knows how to take care of himself, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to worry about him.”

God knows I’m doing enough of the worrying myself.

He froze and raised a brow, his eyes locked on mine. “Do you know him?”

“What?” I froze up, realizing what I’d done. I might as well have admitted to his father that I knew Finn and that we were dating. “I…I…no. I just meant that—”

“Carrie, dear?” Mom came up behind me and rested her hand on my shoulder. “It’s time to sit down, so you’ll have to follow me.”

I swallowed hard, gave Finn’s father one last look, then stood. “Of course.”

As she led me away, I looked at Finn’s dad again. He was watching me, his brow furrowed, and I know my heated cheeks were a dead tell, so I turned forward again. Mom led me to a seat that was next to Riley—of course—and next to one of the downstairs maids.

“You’re here.” She motioned Riley over. “And Riley, you’re here.”

I sat down, my heart thudding in my ears the whole time, and watched Larry as he sat across the table from me, but down a few chairs. Next to him was Mr. Richards, and they spoke to each other in low tones. I wanted to go sit next to them and eavesdrop, but I’d probably make a bigger mess out of it than I already had.

I stared down at my empty plate instead. I had a sinking suspicion that something bad was about to happen. It didn’t make any sense, but I did. Maybe it was just paranoia about what I’d said to Larry. Maybe it was the drinks I’d had.

But something felt off.

“Hello, again.” Riley sat next to me and waved his hand in front of my face. “Hello? Earth to Carrie? Are you in there?”

“Huh?” I looked up at him, blinking. “Oh. Yeah, sorry.”

“You okay?”

“Yes.” I nodded and picked up my water. “Got distracted for a minute.”

He leaned closer, his hot breath washing over my ear. “Well, I am starving. Do you know what we’re having?”

“Um...” I took a deep breath and scooted away. The light flirtation we’d been sharing felt a little too close now. Especially with my parents watching and scheming, and Larry across the table. “I think it’s turkey and ham.”

He nodded. “Excellent. I love them both.”

“I hate turkey.” I lifted my chin and stared at the table. “I prefer lasagna.”

“That’s good, too,” he agreed. “I love lasagna.”

“Is there any food you don’t love?” I asked drolly.

“Um, nope.”

I laughed and shook my head. “You’re something else.”

“I’ve been told that once or twice. By you even.”

“By other women, too?”

“Of course,” he said, grinning. “They all love me as much as I love food.”

Such a cocky statement, but coming from him…it wasn’t cocky at all. I had no doubt it was true. He was kind, hot, and smart. What wasn’t to like? “I love food more than you.”

“That’s because you haven’t kissed me,” he said, shrugging. “That tips the scales in my favor.”

I snorted. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Care to find out?” he asked, raising his brow.

“I’ll pass.” I frowned at him. “But thanks for the offer.”

“Suit yourself,” he said. “Why isn’t your boyfriend here, anyway? If I were your man, I wouldn’t be sending you home alone at Christmas.”

I took a second to choose my words carefully. “He’s not—”

A phone rang, and everyone looked up. Then another phone joined in. I zeroed in on both the owners. Larry and Mr. Richards. Larry stood and fished out his phone, smiling at the table. “Sorry, I kept my phone on me in case my son called.” He looked down at the screen and frowned. “Excuse me for a second?”

“Yes, of course,” Dad said, nodding once.

Mr. Richards also answered, walking in the opposite direction of Larry. The two of them getting a phone call at the same time? That couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?

My gaze darted between Mr. Richards and Larry, my heart racing and my palms going sweaty while my mouth dried out. Larry lifted the phone to his ear as he walked toward the double doors. If that was Finn, I wanted to know. No, I had to know.

I started to stand up, but Riley put a hand on my thigh. “Dude,” I snapped, shoving it off. “Keep your hands to yourself.”

“Whatever you’re thinking about doing right now? Don’t. Your dad is watching you and he looks pissed.” Riley leaned in and smiled, completely at odds with his warning. “Something tells me you’d like to know about that call.”

I took a deep breath and forced myself to sit back down. “H-How do you know?”

“I could see the tension in you when those men answered their phones,” Riley said, picking up his glass of water. “And then the answering anger in your father. Who are they to you?”

“One’s a bodyguard and the other is a family friend,” I answered dismissively, stealing a quick glance at Dad. He was totally watching me, so I forced myself to look at Riley instead of Larry. “That’s all.”

Riley shook his head slightly. “If you say so.”

A masculine cry sounded, and a phone hit the marble floor, clattering once or twice before landing. It was like a slow-motion nightmare. You know, the ones where a murderer is chasing you and you’re running as fast as you can, only you’re moving in slow motion? Yeah, that. Only ten times worse.

Dad was the first one on his feet, followed by me. Larry leaned against the wall, a hand to his mouth and his face even paler than before. I shoved my chair back and took off running in my heels, knowing I needed to get to Larry’s side. Knowing I needed to help him, but also knowing he’d gotten bad news.

Bad news about Finn.

I bolted around the edge of the table. Mr. Richards grabbed my elbow even though he was still on the phone. “Carrie, wait. He’ll know what’s going on if he sees your face.”

“I don’t care.” I shook free, stumbling backward when he let go. “I’m going.”

I took off again. Vaguely, I heard people shouting, and talking loudly, and Mom shouting my name, but I didn’t even register any of it. All that mattered was getting to Larry. My throat ached with tears that were already threatening because I knew, I just knew, this was bad.

Dad got there first, and I wanted to shove him out of the way. “What is it, Larry?” he asked, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Griffin. He’s been…oh my, God.” Larry fell to his knees and scrambled for his phone with shaking hands, crawling forward on all fours. “I have to go. I have to go now.”

“I’ll take you,” Dad said, squatting beside him and handing him the phone. “Larry, come on. Where are we going?”

I finally reached their side, but I’d already heard all I needed to know. I pressed a hand to my speeding heart, wondering how it could be beating when it had been ripped out of my chest just seconds before.

“W-What happened to him?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper. “Larry?”

“Larry’s fine,” Dad said quietly, standing up and smiling calmly at the people gathering behind me. “It’s his son who’s not all right. Stay here and control the madness with your—”

“No.” I grabbed the lapels of Dad’s tux and shook him, then shouted, “What happened to Finn?”

Dad paled and gripped my hands. “Carrie…how…why…?” He turned red in the face. “I knew it.”

Larry stood up and started walking for the door. I didn’t have time to waste trying to get answers out of Dad. I shoved off his chest and raced after Larry, grabbing his arm. The panicked rush of adrenaline was taking over my body, numbing the pain I knew would hit me any second. Right now I needed to know.

“Larry, tell me.” I gripped him tighter. “Is he...is he…?”

I gulped in a deep breath and a sob escaped, so I covered my mouth. I couldn’t even say the word. Not in the same train of thought as Finn. It wasn’t right.

Larry paled and gripped my hands with his own trembling hand. “I don’t know how bad it is. I think they said something about him being in surgery, but I dr-dropped the ph-phone.”

I didn’t know whether to shake him for doing something so incredibly stupid or hug him because he was obviously breaking. “Okay. Okay…we’ll go there right away and find out. Where is he? Who called you?”

“He’s in Germany. I don’t know anything else,” he rasped. “That’s all I know,” he repeated, his eyes focused on a spot on the wall. He looked like he was in shock, so I rubbed his back. “My boy. I don’t even know…”

I nodded, trying to remain calm for Larry’s sake, but inside I was freaking the heck out. This couldn’t be happening. Not to my Finn. It had to be a nightmare. That was the only explanation. But I didn’t wake up, and the pain wracking through my chest was all too real. I was awake. “Let’s go find out more. Just let me grab my passport.”

“No way, missy.” Dad grabbed my upper arm. “You’re staying here with your mother. I can handle this.”

“No.”

“She can come,” Larry said, his voice cracking. “It’s fine.”

My father stiffened and rose to his full height. “Carrie Louise Wallington, you will listen to me and you’ll—”

“No, you will listen to me.” I yanked free and glowered at him and everyone else who had huddled around to watch the show. Riley looked at me with sad eyes, and Mom was wringing her hands. “I am going because his son is Finn, and I love him.”

Mom gasped and covered her mouth, her cheeks fusing with color. “Carrie. You don’t even know him.”

“Don’t I, Dad?” I put my hands on my hips and stared him down. “Tell her why I know Finn, won’t you?”

“Hugh? What’s the meaning of this?” Mom asked.

“Oh for the love of God…” Dad said, covering his eyes.

“Carrie, go get your things,” Mr. Richards said, laying a hand on Dad’s shoulder. “I got this.”

Dad yanked on his tie and threw his arms up in the air. “We don’t have time for this melodramatic scene. Larry and I have to go. She is staying.”

“I am going,” I shouted. Tears were streaming down my face, and I didn’t even care I had a whole freaking audience in front of me. “Do you even hear me? I love him, and I am going.”

Larry grabbed my hand. “She’s coming, and you can too, if you want. But we’re going now.”

Dad sputtered, his fists clenching and unclenching, then headed for the door without a word. I didn’t have time to worry about him. I needed Finn.

He was okay. He had to be okay. Because if he wasn’t okay…

I’d never be okay again.

The town car sped down I-95, leading us to the airport. Dad had secured a private jet for the flight, and apparently he was going to Germany with us. He was going, despite his stony silence and glowers. All I cared about was getting to Finn.

“H-Hello?” Larry said, his voice soft. “Yes, this is him.” Silence, then he sagged against the back of the seat and ran a hand down his face. “Can you tell me anything at all?” Larry nodded. “But how?” A moment of silence. “I…I see. Yes. We’ll be landing at six your time.” More silence. “Okay. Thank you.”

He hung up and I reached out, grabbing his knee. “Tell me everything.”

“There was an ambush. IEDs and guns…” He drew in a deep breath and covered his face with his hands. “He’s in surgery, but I already knew that. They won’t tell me anything else. They claim not to know.” He dropped his hands from his face. “I think he’s alive. I’d know it if he wasn’t, wouldn’t I?”

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I was too busy trying not to break down. We clung to each other’s hands, not speaking. The whole ride to the airport felt like a nightmare. And the long plane ride turned out to be even worse.

I spent the whole flight praying and praying that Finn would be all right. But even more so, I prayed that this was all a dream. I was so sure I’d wake up in Finn’s arms. He would laugh at me for being such a paranoid wreck, and I would snuggle in. I looked out the window and saw the clouds beneath us, and the pain hit me all over again.

It wouldn’t leave me alone.

Dad swiped his finger across his phone. What was he doing, anyway? He couldn’t be messaging anyone or doing something important since we were flying. I swear to God, if he was playing Candy Crush when I was dying inside, I’d kill him. He hadn’t said a word to me this whole flight, but I didn’t care.

I didn’t have time for my daddy issues. Not when Finn…

God, he couldn’t be dead. It wasn’t possible. I had to believe, like Larry, that I would know if he was gone. I covered my mouth with my free hand, fighting back another sob trying to escape me. Wouldn’t I know it, deep inside?

I had to believe I would, because the alternative wasn’t acceptable. He’d left the country for me, for us, and now he could…he might be…dead.

And this was all my fault. If he died, that was on me.

After all, if he hadn’t met me, and wanted to change for my father, he wouldn’t have been offered that assignment. And he wouldn’t have taken it. This had all been for us, and now he’d paid the ultimate price. While I…while I what? Dined and chatted with Riley, pretending I was single in front of my parents?

And why? All because he didn’t fit in my world?

I was done. So freaking done.

I turned on my father, who was still staring at his phone. “He did this for you, you know,” I said, a sob breaking up the last word. “He said you wouldn’t accept him as he was, so he was trying to fix himself. Trying to make himself better. Are you happy now, Dad?”

Dad sat up straighter, the color draining from his face, but he didn’t answer me. I knew what I was doing. I knew I was transferring my anger at myself onto my father, but I didn’t freaking care. “Carrie…”

Larry squeezed my hand. “This isn’t your father’s fault, doll.”

“Yes, it is,” I said, sinking back against the plane seat. “It’s his fault, and it’s mine, too. Finn didn’t think he was good enough for us. Didn’t think my world would accept him. Well, I don’t want a part in a world that doesn’t accept a man like Finn. Not anymore. I’m done with it all. Done.”

Dad finally broke his silence. “Carrie, don’t be unreasonable. It’s not like I knew about this. Griffin couldn’t have known my reaction. He did this to better himself, not to better himself for me.”

I laughed hysterically, then covered my mouth. “Don’t you get it? He can’t better himself because he’s already perfect. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met, but when you look at him, you won’t see that. You’ll see the tattoos and the motorcycle. Let’s not pretend otherwise, especially not in front of Larry.”

We all fell silent, and I closed my eyes. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away. What was the point? Nothing mattered until the freaking plane landed in Germany and we got to Finn. Until I got to see him. Nothing mattered until I knew whether he was still here with me.

The rest of the flight passed by with agonizing slowness, but I didn’t break my silence the whole time. None of us did. We just sat there. Waiting. Hoping. Praying.

When we landed and got in the waiting town car, my mind was numb. And when the car pulled up in front of the hospital, after a series of ID checks and verifications, I was the first one out of it. I offered Larry my hand. He took it as he came out, holding on to it for support as we made our way in through the revolving glass doors.

Dad walked beside us, his tie loose, and his security behind us. I glowered at him. “You brought them here?”

“Yes, Carrie, I brought them here,” he said, his voice tired. “They go where I go. And, as you obviously know, where you go, too.”

I turned my head, not wanting to do this right now. Not able to do it. “Do we know where to go, Larry?”

“They said the third floor.” He pointed at the elevator. “So I’m guessing we start there.”

We walked to it in silence, holding hands still. By the time the elevator arrived, and we rode it to the third floor, I wasn’t sure my legs would work anymore. But somehow, when the doors opened, I walked out. And then I took the steps that led us to the receptionist, who wore a scrub top with cartoon turkeys on it.

“Can I help you?” she asked, pushing her glasses up her nose.

Larry stepped forward and rested his hand on the desk. It looked casual enough, but I knew he rested on it for support. “Y-Yes, we’re here for Sergeant Griffin Coram. We don’t know if he’s…”

When he didn’t finish, instead covering his mouth and closing his eyes, I stepped forward and I squeezed his hand tighter. “If he’s still alive, he means.”

God, even saying that hurt.

The nurse’s brown eyes flashed with pity, and she looked at her computer. “Go have a seat, and someone will be with you.”

“Can you tell us anything?” Larry asked, his face pale. “Anything at all?”

She hesitated. “It’s not my place to do so, sir. There’s protocol and rules…”

“P-Please?” I added, catching her gaze. “Even something tiny.”

She sighed. “He’s here. That’s really all I know. I don’t know where or how he’s doing. I don’t even know if he’s…living. I just see his name in the system—and that’s all I can tell you.”

Tears fell down my cheeks and I nodded, biting down on my lower lip. “Th-Thank you,” I managed to say before I led Larry to his seat.

Dad followed, his fists tight at his sides. “That’s bull. They can’t tell you anything?”

“It’s the way the military works,” Larry said, collapsing in the plastic chair. “It’s always been this way.”

“Someone ought to fix that,” Dad grumbled.

Larry and I both gave Dad a pointed stare, and then we all fell silent again. We sat there for what had to have been two hours before we saw anyone. A nurse in pink scrubs came up to us—her eyes empty and her face carefully neutral. “Sir? I can take you to your son now. The rest of your party will have to wait out here.”

I stood up, almost falling over in my haste. “Can’t I come, too?” I asked, my voice cracking. “Please?”

“Family only, ma’am,” the nurse said, her eyes showing me she didn’t want to refuse me. “I’m sorry.”

I bit back a sob and covered my mouth. I didn’t want to stay out here. I wanted to be with him. With Finn. “Okay. I’ll wait here.”

“You’ll let her go back,” Dad said, his voice clear and strong. “I’m Senator Wallington from the United States Senate, and that boy back there is one of mine. I’ll gladly follow your rules and wait, but you’ll let her go back.”

I looked at him in surprise, tears still blinding my vision. “D-Dad?”

“Sir…I can’t.”

Larry rested a hand on her arm. “He’d want her back there. Whether he’s alive or not…he’d want her there.” He paused. “Please.”

She hesitated, still gazing at my father, who stared her down until she finally nodded. “All right. She can come, but not for too long.”

Not for too long? Did that mean he was alive? I was trying to dissect everything she said and it was driving me insane. When would they tell us something?

I looked at Dad, but he didn’t look at me. Instead, he headed for the elevator without a word. Larry tugged me into the back room, and then we were entering a room with beeping noises and a lot of bright lights and…oh my God.

He was there. Finn was there, but he didn’t look like Finn at all.

His head had white gauze wrapped all around it, and he had scratches all over his face, a black eye, and a bloody lip. It looked as if they’d shaved all his hair off, too. All I saw was skin, scars and stitches. There were stitches over his forehead that ran long and deep, extending underneath the bandage around his head. And he looked so pale. Almost as if…

As if he wasn’t alive.

But the machine was beeping steadily. He had a heartbeat. He was alive.

I kept echoing that in my head.

I took a step closer, my own heart squeezing so tight that it hurt to move, let alone breathe. His eyes were closed, but his lips moved restlessly, as if he was having a bad dream or talking in his sleep. They were all scabbed up and dried out, and he looked as if he hadn’t had a drink in days. His left arm was in a cast from the elbow down, and then a sling, too, as if it needed all the support it could get. His legs were covered with a blanket, but I didn’t think he had any casts on underneath.

“Oh my God,” I said, taking another step closer. “Finn.”

Larry cried out and rushed to Finn’s side, and I watched as if I was out of my body. Unable to move or talk or do anything besides stare. I wanted to feel relieved that he was alive, but how could I feel anything resembling relief when he was in a bed—bloody and bruised and hurt?

The arm that wasn’t in a sling rested at his side, but he had his hand fisted tight. As I watched, he loosened the fist, then tightened it again. He was holding something. I leaned closer, squinting. It took me maybe three seconds to recognize it. It was tattered, but I’d know it anywhere. It was the picture he’d taken of me outside his apartment. I hadn’t even known he printed it out.

My gaze flew to his face, but his eyes were still closed. “I’m here, love,” I whispered, even though he probably couldn’t hear me. I stood there, not sure where to touch him…if at all. It didn’t look safe to touch him anywhere. “I’m with you.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Larry asked, his eyes on Finn. “Will he recover?”

“He’s been confused and in pain,” the doctor said. He walked to Finn’s side and checked his vitals. “We’ve been keeping him dosed with morphine, and he’s been pretty out of it because of that, so it’s hard to tell what kind of effects the explosion might have had on his brain. We did an MRI, but we’re still waiting on the results from that. With crude IEDs, you never know.”

Larry covered his mouth. “What got broken?”

“He was lucky,” the doctor said. “It was just his arm. Lots of bruises and stitches all over his body. There will be scarring on his face and his arm. And he got a concussion, as I said. We won’t know the long-term effects until he wakes up. When his arm broke, the fibula came through the skin, so it was touch and go for a while. He lost too much blood before they could get him here, so he’s weak. But he really lucked out.”

I walked toward Finn slowly, my eyes on his cast. That was lucky? How could that be considered lucky?

“The rest of his unit died,” the doctor said, watching me closely. “That’s how he’s lucky.”

I hadn’t even realized I’d said that out loud. I reached Finn’s side, the one without the broken arm, and I slowly closed my fingers over his hand. I made sure not to crumble the picture, even if it was almost unrecognizable already. Even though he didn’t so much as blink or wiggle his fingers, I swear…

I swear he knew I was there, and that was enough for me.