Текст книги "Out of Time"

Автор книги: Jen McLaughlin

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“So we should’ve gone there,” she snapped. I knew she was angry with me now. Knew I’d gone and ruined everything. Hurt her. But I couldn’t seem to stop myself from lashing out at her. “You don’t have to take me out to an expensive restaurant to make me happy. God. You should know that by now.”

“Should I? I don’t think so.” I grabbed her hands, trying to entwine my fingers with hers, but she didn’t uncurl her fists. “The girl I know surfs and goes to soup kitchens and isn’t afraid to get dirty. The girl I know loves McDonald’s and Islands and doesn’t care about tuxes and dresses.”

She snatched her hands back. “Yeah, and that’s still me. Fancy dresses don’t change what’s underneath.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” I sighed and shut my eyes for a second, trying to find the right words to make her understand what I was thinking. When I opened them, she looked at me as if I’d killed her puppy in front of her and then served him up for dinner. “Look, I’ve been thinking, and—”

“Oh my God.” She scooted into the corner of the limo, her lower lip quivering. “Are you…are you breaking up with me? Already?”

My mind whirled at that. “What? No.”

She took a shaky breath. “You scared the heck out of me. Never start a fight and then say, ‘I’ve been thinking’ ever again.” She smacked my arm hard, then did it again even harder. “Got it, love? And also? Don’t take me on dates you’re going to hate. That’s not my idea of a fun time, for future reference.”

“Fine. But tell me one thing, Ginger,” I said, emphasizing the nickname in the same sarcastic way she’d done to me. “Why can’t you admit you fucking wanted this date and stop acting like you don’t? Why can’t you admit you want suits and jewelry and limos? Why can’t you admit who you are?”

She threw her hands up. “Okay, maybe I did want it for one night. Jeez, is that so bad? Does that warrant you yelling at me and acting like an alcoholic because you’re forced to go out with me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I looked out the window, trying to regain the calm I’d lost the second we’d started arguing. I’d been trying to tell her I had to change and would—but that it wasn’t easy for me. And now we were in each other’s faces screaming about shit that didn’t matter. “I had two drinks. Two. Drinks.”

“In three seconds,” she snapped. “Why can’t you admit that?”

I snorted. “When you’re old enough to drink, you can lecture me about my drinking habits. Until then? Not so much. You’re barely more than a baby as it is. You can grow the fuck up before you judge me.”

She stiffened. “Excuse me?”

I swallowed hard, realizing I was being a complete ass. I was a failure and I was only making it worse with every word I said. How had we gotten here, and how the hell did we get out of this train wreck of a night? “Shit. This is getting out of hand. Maybe we should stop talking now.”

“Yeah. Maybe we should. And maybe this whole date thing was a horrible idea,” she agreed, her voice shaking. She jammed her finger into the button for the intercom, speaking to the driver directly and ignoring me. “Change of plans. Take me to the dorms at the University of—”

I zoned out as she gave her instructions, my head making a hollow ocean sound. How many chances would I get before she said the hell with me and moved on? I swallowed the bile rising in my throat and tried to fix the fucking mess I’d made by opening my mouth in the first place. “Carrie, look. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—”

She shot me the death glare from hell. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it. I’d storm off right now if you wouldn’t follow me because you have to because it’s your job. This is a fight, and we’ll get through it. But right now? This date? We’re done. We’re so freaking done.”

My heart lurched and I scrambled to grab her hands. She jerked out of my reach and gave me a look that froze me in my tracks. She’d never looked at me with such…disappointment. Not even when she’d found out who I really was.

I swallowed past the crippling guilt trying to kill me. “Please, don’t go. We can go back home and talk. There’s nothing we can’t work through without—”

The limo stopped and she shot me a dark look. “Conversations don’t fix everything,” she threw back in my face.

She opened the door and got out, and I scooted after her. “I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean any of this. I was just trying to explain how I feel.”

“Well, you suck at explaining feelings.” She stopped walking and scowled at me. “Tonight you’re not my boyfriend. You’re my bodyguard. So watch me go inside so you know I made it home safe—and then leave me alone. It’s your job, right?”

I bit my tongue from lashing out at her. I didn’t want to keep fighting, damn it. I wanted to fix this. “Are you always going to throw that in my face every time we fight?”

Shit. I hadn’t bitten hard enough.

“Yeah. Maybe. Or, at least, I will until I grow up.”

She stormed off, and I watched her go, knowing I was a fucking idiot for taking what should have been a great night and turning it into an awful memory.

As if we didn’t have enough of those already.

I stomped my way upstairs and made it to my room in record time. I hadn’t slept in this room since the night before Finn and I got back together, and I really didn’t want to be here now. I don’t know what had happened out there, but it had escalated really, really fast. Like, supersonic speed fast.

I unlocked the door and shut it behind me, breathing heavily. I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to cry. Refusing to let this get to me. We had enough crap going on right now, and then we had to go and ruin what should have been a date night with anger and shouting. What was wrong with us that we couldn’t gain some sort of equilibrium where there wasn’t something wrong all the time?

I smacked the door behind me with my open palm so hard it made my hand sting and ache. “Goddamn it all to hell.”

“Uh, Carrie?” Marie asked, her voice quiet. “You okay over there?”

I opened my eyes and quickly located her. She sat at the table with her books open. She had her long platinum blonde hair in a sloppy bun, and black glasses perched on her perfect nose that only brought out her bright eyes even more. The irony of Marie home studying while I was out with a guy struck home as it well should.

That’s probably what I should have been doing instead of fighting with Finn.

“Not really,” I managed to say before I broke down and burst into tears. I quickly covered my face, trying to hide myself from her and the world. I didn’t do this. Didn’t cry in front of people. What had happened to me lately? “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh,” Marie said. I heard a shuffling sound and then her arms were around me. “Don’t apologize. Just cry if you need to.”

I took a gulping breath and sobbed into her shoulder, holding on to her as if she was the only thing keeping me afloat in the middle of the ocean. This whole situation was ridiculous, because we weren’t even close, really, and yet I was crying all over her. By the time I finished, she was soaked and I was embarrassed more than words could say.

I pulled back and she hugged me tighter, not letting me go. “Give it another second. You might not be done yet.”

I swiped my hands under my eyes and laughed nervously, feeling like a complete idiot. “I’m good.”

“Okay.” Marie let go of me and backed up a few steps, her lips pursed as she studied me through her glasses. “Now tell me what happened.”

“I…well…” I broke off, not sure where to start or what to say. Or how much of it to say. “I got in a fight with my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” Her eyes narrowed. “Who is he?”

“No one you know. He doesn’t go here.” I waved a hand. “It’s not important. He might be leaving soon, and we tried to have a romantic night, but we got in a fight.”

“Where’s he going?”

I swallowed hard. Call me crazy, but I wasn’t ready to trust her with all my juicy secrets. We barely talked aside from the pleasantries most roommates shared such as “I’ll be out late tonight” or “I’m bringing a guy home.”

I met her eyes. “His work might be sending him away.”

“Oh, that sucks.” She nodded. “I dated a guy once who was a drummer in a band. It was right when we moved out here for school. He was never around, and when he was, all he wanted was sex. We never even talked, really. It took me a little while to realize I was nothing but a convenience for him when he was in town. He probably had one of me in every city his band played.”

Marie pressed her lips together, looking angry at the memory. I reached out and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “He sounds like a real jerk.”

“He was.” Marie gave me a small smile. “Is that how your guy is?”

“No. He’s…he’s great,” I said, my voice breaking. “That’s why I have no idea what the heck happened tonight. One second he was fine, and the next he was yelling and being nasty. I’ve never seen him like that.”

Marie nodded. “Do you think he’s stressed out about maybe leaving? Stress can cause men to act like weirdos. One time my dad was acting like a jerk, and we had no idea why. Turned out, he had learned he had cancer and was processing it all. And one of the ways he did it was by ranting at the whole world.”

I swallowed hard. It hadn’t occurred to me until now, but Finn and Marie had both lost a parent at the same age. “God, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, it sucks,” she said softly, her eyes sad despite her words. “But thanks.”

I hugged her, feeling like an idiot. All this time I’d been judging her as vapid and empty, and here she was making me feel better. Sharing life stories with me. I hadn’t treated her fairly, but I made a vow to stop doing it. “I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet with you. I…I’m not used to this kind of life. I’m not good at this.”

Marie grinned. “You mean like how you didn’t want to bathe the first week because people might see you in the communal shower?”

I facepalmed myself. “You noticed?”

“It was pretty hard to miss. You were hand bathing for a while.”

“Yeah. It was pretty pathetic.”

“Pretty much,” she teased, her eyes sparkling again. “But anyway, about your man…do you think that’s what this was about? Him taking out his stress on you?”

I straightened my back. “Now that you mention it, that’s probably what this was. He’s nervous and he lashed out at me. That’s what he was trying to talk to me about. I’m such an idiot.”

“It’s not your fault. Guys are weird,” Marie said, patting my back. “How are we supposed to understand how their brains work?”

“I have to go find him.” I grabbed the knob, but froze with my hand on it. “Hey, thank you. I’m sorry I cried all over you. I owe you a shirt.”

Marie grinned. “It’s okay. It was kind of nice to be the one comforting someone else for once. I’m usually the one who’s a mess.” Marie met my eyes. “Besides, I picked one up from the lobby earlier. Thanks for the donation.”

I froze. “You know?”

“Well, I did see it laying out on the bed earlier, and then it was in that mysterious donation box.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t hard to figure out. But don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you.” I hesitated. “You can have first pick if you want.”

She laughed. “I might agree to that.”

“Okay.” I still didn’t leave. Instead, I looked at her again, trying to see past the smile and glasses. Maybe it was time to try being friends with a girl for once. I hadn’t really wanted to try again, after all the girls I grew up with turned out to be major bitches. But maybe it was time to grow up a bit, like Finn said. “Hey, want to go get coffee sometime? Maybe talk some more?”

Her cheeks flushed and she wrapped her arms around herself. “I’d like that. Now go get him…whoever he is.”

Maybe I’d tell her tomorrow, but tonight I had to go get my man.

I closed the door behind me and rushed down the stairs, passing a surprised-looking Cory without so much as a word. As I dialed the local cab company, I decided to see what I could do about getting a car ASAP. Calling a cab every other day was ridiculous.

“Yes, hello. I’d like a cab to get me at—” I broke off as soon as I saw him. Finn hadn’t left. He sat on the bench outside my dorm room, his face in his hands. “Never mind.”

I hung up on the cab company and slowly walked over to him. He looked so vulnerable.

He’d taken off his jacket and tossed it on the ground, and his tie hung loosely off his neck. My heart broke at the sight of him. When I stopped directly in front of him, I fisted my dress in my hands and tried to figure out what to say that wouldn’t lead to another fight.

“You ready to talk without the fighting?”

His head snapped up and his bright blue eyes pinned me in place. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”

“I know.” I sat down beside him and sighed. “I am, too.”

He gave a harsh laugh. “You didn’t do anything to be sorry for. I’m the one who took a simple conversation and turned it into this.”

“I’m the one who got angry and didn’t let you talk.” I took a deep breath and rested my hand on his knee. “You’re nervous, aren’t you? That’s what you wanted to talk about? What you were trying to say?”

He shook his head, his expression ironic. “Nervous? I’m fucking terrified. I’m scared because your father isn’t texting me, and I have to go talk to my C.O. I’m terrified because the one time that I try to do something nice for you, I fucked it up.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“It’s not fucking okay. That’s not all I’m scared about.” He dragged his hands down his face and looked at me, his eyes raw and open. “I’m scared your father is going to shove me out of your life when he finds out about us. That he’s going to make you see I’m not good enough for you or your world. But most of all? I’m scared you’ll realize it all on your own without him there to tell you.”

I recoiled. That’s not what I’d expected him to be scared of, for God’s sake. He was supposed to be afraid of leaving and war and guns. Not something that would never, ever happen. “That’s ridiculous.”

“No, it’s not. It’s the fucking truth.” He lifted his head. “How many presidents’ daughters have you seen married to bikers, standing up there on the stage during the primaries, with their ink hanging out for all of America to see?”

All my life, I’d lived according to my father’s plans. I’d missed my own graduation because we had to go out of town campaigning for the senatorial primaries. I’d given up everything for my father’s agenda, but I wouldn’t be giving up my Finn.

I pressed my lips together. “None. Now ask me how much I care about that?”

“You might not care now, but you will eventually.” He gestured toward the moon, his entire body seeming tense and angry. And a little bit…defeated, maybe? “It’s only a matter of time, but I have a plan. I’m going to—”

“Shut. Up.”

He turned to me, his jaw squared off in that way he always did when he was determined to win a fight, but there would be no victory this time. “I know I said some mean things in our time together, but the truth is…you are younger than me. You don’t know how cruel the world is. The first thing your father is going to say when he finds out about us—once he’s done pounding me into the dirt, that is—is that I’m not good enough for you. And he’ll be right. But I’m going to fix it.”

“How many times do we have to go over this?” I asked through my teeth. “There’s nothing to fix. We’re not broken in the first place.”

“I know you love me and you know I love you, too.” He reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. “But I can see how this is going to end, Ginger. I’ll stay until you send me away, but it’ll happen at one point if I don’t take the necessary steps to avoid it.”

I blinked away tears. “It sounds to me like you’re just making excuses so you can walk away with a clear conscience.”

He made a tortured sound and shook his head. “Hell no. Never.”

“If you want to walk away…” I said, my voice breaking so badly I couldn’t even finish the sentence. The mere thought of Finn leaving me was enough to break me.

He swiped away tears off my cheeks I hadn’t even realized escaped, hugged me tight against his chest, and buried his face in my neck. “I don’t want to lose you. I just say all this shit and ruin perfect nights because of my stupid fears, but I’m not scared anymore. I know what to do to make us work.”

I curled my hands into his shirt. “We already work.”

“Now, yeah. But once you graduate, it’ll be different. We’ll have to be different.”

I wanted to fight him on this, but I knew no matter what I said, he wouldn’t believe me. He was convinced I was my father’s puppet who would break up with him if Daddy told me to. I’d have to prove him wrong. “What are you planning to do?”

“I’m going to change.”

I narrowed my eyes, trying to make sense of his words. “I don’t want you to change. Even if he doesn’t like you, I won’t care.”

He rubbed my head almost absentmindedly. “It’s the one conflict in our life I can see coming—and avoid. He’s going to fire me. Hell, he could even sue me. It was in the contract that I couldn’t touch you.”

“He put that in there?” I asked, gripping my dress tight.

“Yeah.”

I shook my head. My father was freaking ridiculous. “If he does, then we’ll handle it together. Right?” I bit down on my lower lip. “Maybe you could do something else.”

He pushed me away and squeezed my arms with a smile on his face. “Exactly. Like I said. Change.”

I hesitated, my heart picking up speed. This kind of change I could probably work with. “What are you going to do?”

“I can maybe change my MOS.”

I blinked. “What’s an MOS?”

“It stands for Military Occupational Specialty, but it’s basically my position. My career in the Marines.”

I nodded. “What would you change it to?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe I could go into active duty with the Marines. I bet that will look good on Election Day. Having a Marine up on the stage with him in Dress Blues. He can’t complain about that, can he?” he asked me, his eyes on mine.

“No. Of course not.” And just like that, down came my bubble. “But what about going back to school? Becoming a chef or a surf instructor? I don’t know. Something.” I shrugged. “Growing up, was there something you wanted to be?”

He blinked at me, a weird look on his face. “Um, I wanted to work on computers as a kid. You know, build them.”

I perked up at that. Computers were safe. “Well, you could go to school for that.”

“I could.” He straightened up, blinking rapidly. “I don’t even have to re-up when my time is up, if I don’t want to. Or, I can become a commissioned officer and get a job in that field through the Marines.” He snapped his fingers. “Ooh, yeah. That’ll look really good on your father’s campaign. An officer at his side.”

“I don’t care about his fucking campaign!” I shouted, my hands curled into tight balls. God, Dad had gotten to Finn, too. Without even trying. His reach was that freaking far. “I care about you. About us.”

“But this is for us.” He stood up and paced, his steps hurried and uneven. He stepped on his jacket and didn’t even care. “We won’t have to worry about what happens after he kills me—as long as he doesn’t actually kill me, that is.” He swung me into his arms and hugged me tight. “This obstacle between us? It’s gone. I can be that guy.”

The obstacle that didn’t exist? Yeah. It was gone.

“I don’t think you need to be any guy but you. I love you the way you are—tattoos and all.”

He grinned down at me. “And I love you for that.”

He kissed me hard, right in front of my dorm in the moonlight. I clung to him, gripping his dress shirt in my fists and pulling him closer. By the time he pulled back, I forgot all about what we were saying.

All I knew was Finn was smiling at me, and he looked happy.

I wasn’t about to ruin it.

Wednesday night I waited on my bike outside Carrie’s dorm. She had to study late with some friends from chemistry, so I told her I’d pick her up at eight. After our fight last night, I wasn’t sure what to expect from her when she came outside. Would she still be mad at me, or had she really forgiven me for being an ass?

All I knew was I needed to get through the rest of the week, find out what my C.O. wanted from me, and then move on with my new life plan. I was more determined than ever to get through this year alive, get out of the Marines, and go back to college. Until Carrie, I hadn’t wanted to do that. I had been perfectly content being a Marine.

But now? I wanted more. I wanted to be more.

For her and for me.

My phone buzzed, and I looked down at it with my heart racing. Had her father finally texted me on his own? I glanced down at it, but it was from Carrie. Be down in two minutes.

Okay. I shoved the phone into my pocket.

A few minutes later, she came out of her dorm, her usual bag over her shoulder and a gorgeous smile on her face, and she looked so damn happy. So much like my Carrie that she took my fucking breath away. I had no idea what I’d done to deserve her in my life, but I’d do it again and again if it meant I got to keep her forever.

I shook my thoughts and straightened my back, waiting for her to make her way over to me. When she was within reaching distance, I snatched her up and kissed her before she could say a word. I slipped my hand into her back pocket before carefully removing it.

Then, and only then, I let myself get lost in our kiss. I needed the affirmation that she was here and mine and happy, as pathetic as that might be. I pressed my mouth to hers, urging her to open to me. And when she did, I slipped my tongue between her lips and kissed her hungrily. As if I would never get enough of her sweet taste.

And I didn’t think I ever would.

When I broke the kiss, she rested her hands on my shoulders and blinked up at me. “Wow. I should be late more often.”

“That had nothing to do with you being late.”

“Then what was it?”

“I wanted to kiss you, so I did.” I shrugged, trying to play it off as if I wasn’t going completely crazy right now. Because I abso-fuck-ing-lutely was. “Why were you late, anyway?”

“I was chatting with Marie.” She glanced up at me. “We’ve been talking, and we have a lot more in common than I thought. We’re getting coffee later this week.”

I’d told her she should try talking to Marie some more. My Ginger wasn’t the most open when it came to making friends—with reason. But Marie seemed a pretty safe bet. “That sounds fun.”

“Yeah.” She bit down on her lip. “I think she’s homesick, and sometimes I get that way too, even with my crazy parents. She doesn’t seem to have many people here, besides me. I’m lucky I have you.”

She had a knack for finding the loneliest sucker and making her feel welcome with nothing more than a smile. It was one of the things I loved most about her. “She can have me too if you want.”

She slapped my arm. “Haha, really funny.”

“What? I was just trying to be supportive.” I threw my arm around her. “But you know I’m kidding. I only have room for one college student in my life.”

“I might take her to the soup kitchen with me this weekend while you’re gone.” She stole a quick peek at me. “If you don’t mind, of course.”

“Of course not,” I said through the nervousness trying to strangle me. “But you have to leave with her, and not walk down any dark alleys.”

“I’ll leave before it’s dark, I promise.” She grabbed her helmet and tugged it on. When she was finished, I held out my hand for her bag. She handed it over and I slid it over my head, watching her the whole time.

I slipped my own helmet over my head and revved the engine, disgusted with myself. “You ready, Ginger?”

She glided on behind me and wrapped her body around mine. I’d never get sick of this feeling with her. This utter shiny happiness at her arms wrapped around me, her head on my shoulder. It never got old and I hoped it never would.

“Ready,” she called out.

When we pulled up to my apartment building, I stopped the bike and took a deep breath. I’d made a move that she may or may not appreciate, and I was about to find out.

“I’m exhausted.” She took off her helmet and started up the pathway toward the stairs. After yawning loudly, she added, “I need to do some more homework, then we’re going to bed early. I didn’t sleep well after you left last night.”

I hadn’t asked her to come home with me, and she hadn’t suggested it. It still stung that after our first fight as a couple, we’d spent the night apart. “Yeah, me either.”

“Next time, no matter the fight, we sleep together. Deal?”

“It’s a promise,” I said, leaning down to kiss her.

When she broke off the kiss, we walked hand in hand to the door. Halfway there, she looked over her shoulder, her brow furrowed. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” I immediately stopped walking and pushed her behind me. I scanned the shadows for any sign of movement. “What did it sound like?”

“A footstep.” She bit down on her lip. “Is someone watching us?”

I closed my eyes and listened. There wasn’t a sound, not even a breath or a footstep. She was getting as paranoid as I was, because as far as I could tell, no one was there.

“I don’t think anyone is there,” I said, reaching behind me to squeeze her hand. “Maybe it was a raccoon or something.”

“Yeah. Probably.” She laughed uneasily. “I’m imagining things.”

“Hey, better safe than sorry,” I said, smiling at her. “If you ever think you see or hear something, definitely let me know. You might notice something I don’t.”

“I will.” We reached the door and she waited for me to open it. When I didn’t, she shot me a look. “Uh, are you going to open the door?”

My heart skipped a beat or two, and my palms grew sweaty. Was this a good idea? It was too late to go back now. I’d already made the steps toward this, and I wasn’t one to back down. “You open it.”

She looked at my empty hands first, then up at my face, her brow crinkled. “Okay? Give me your key.”

I crossed my arms. “Why don’t you use your own?”

“Maybe because I don’t have one?”

“Check your back pocket,” I said, my voice low. I really hoped she didn’t freak out or throw the key back at me or tell me I was moving too fucking fast. When she just stared at me, her cheeks flushed, I tapped my foot. “Well? Go on. Check.”

She slid her hand into the wrong pocket, then moved on to the right one. Hopefully it hadn’t slipped out on the ride, or all this show was for nothing. When she pulled her hand out, the little gold key in her fingers, I held my breath and waited to see her reaction.

Slowly, her wide eyes rose from the key until her gaze collided with mine. “You gave me a key? To your place?”

“I did.” I tugged on my hair and shifted on my feet. “If you don’t want it, it’s cool. I just thought it would be nice for you to be able to come over here whenever you wanted, even if I’m not here. You could come here and study, or sleep, or eat, or whatever you wanted even if I’m…”

…not here.

Yeah, I already said that.

I stopped talking and stared at my feet, because I was babbling like a fucking idiot. I didn’t like acting like an idiot, although I’d been doing it way too much lately. Apparently, love and idiocy went hand in hand.

“Finn?”

I lifted my head and dropped my hand. “Yeah?”

“This is so…wow,” she said softly. “Thank you.”

I nodded, not sure what else to say. I wanted her in my home all the time, so I gave her a key. It was simple. “Go ahead and see if it works.”

It did. I already tested it.

But at least it gave her something to do besides stare at me looking all happy and yet somehow sad. It’s like she knew why I was really doing this. Even if I was gone, it would be like she was with me whenever she came here, and that meant something.

She slid the key into the lock and turned it, giving me a shaky smile when it opened. “It works.”

“Good,” I said, my voice gruff. “Go in, then.”

She went inside and flipped on the light, stopping a few steps in. She stood in the middle of the living room area, her eyes on my closet. Not a big shocker there. After all, it became clear, quite quickly, that I’d cleared some space in my closet for her—complete with pink fucking hangers waiting for her shit.

Yeah. Pink.

“Did you…is that…?”

“For you?” I leaned against the door and crossed my ankles, trying to go for casual and unconcerned. “Yeah. Last time I checked, I didn’t use pink. I know it doesn’t go with your hair, but…” I shrugged, even though she wasn’t looking at me. She was still staring at the closet. “I figured that would make the clothes stand out more, since you never wear it. Ya know?”

She walked up to the closet and ran her hands over the pink hangers, then touched my cammies before letting her hand drop to her side. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I crossed the room and came up behind her, resting my hands on her shoulders. I leaned down and kissed the top of her ginger head, breathing in the scent of the shampoo that I’d bought for her. “But are you?” I asked softly. “It’s not like you’re moving in or anything. It’s just an open-door policy.”

She nodded. “You know I’m not going anywhere, right?”

“I know you think that, and I know you want to believe it. And so do I.” I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her close, more so to hide my face from her than anything. And I really didn’t want to fight again. “But I’ve seen a lot more of the world than you have. Shit happens and life is hard. If I leave—”

She smacked me. “I’m not going to move on or forget you.”

I flinched. “I know.” Or, at least I knew she didn’t plan on it. But plans changed, and so did people. Especially when they were separated. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

She tensed in my arms. “But you are. You’re worried if you go on deployment I’ll move on to another guy, aren’t you? You don’t trust me.”

Oh, fuck. This was going to be another fight if I didn’t fix it and fix it now. “Ginger…”

“No way. You’re not getting off that easily.”

My hands flexed on her, but she moved out of my arms. I missed her already. The softness in her blue eyes gave way to her icy look, and she put her hands on her hips. Oh yeah. I’d pissed her off. Damn it. “I trust you, Ginger.”

“Don’t Ginger me, mister.” She poked a finger in my chest and I held my hands up in surrender. “Do you have such little faith in me that you think I would freaking leave you when you’re off defending our country? Really?”