Текст книги "Rule"

Автор книги: Jay Crownover

Соавторы: Jay Crownover
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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

I just shook my head sadly and jerked my head toward the door.  “Mom you have no clue.  Shaw’s the most loving, kind, compassionate person in the world she would chew off her own arm before trying to put herself above someone she cares about.  She doesn’t give a flip about this path or that path as long as everyone she loves is going somewhere and at the end they are happy.  I’m outta here.  I have shit to do.  Dad it was good seeing you, surprisingly the first three minutes of this visit were pretty good, Rome I’ll be in the truck.”

I turned to walk back down the stairs and out the front door but her chilly voice stopped me cold.  “Stay away from Shaw, Rule.  You’ll just end up hurting her like you did your brother.”

I wanted to tell her it was way too late for that warning that I was beginning to know Shaw inside and out, that she was becoming a critical part of me but I just met her cold gaze with one that I’m sure held resigned sadness.  “Good luck ever getting her back into the Archer family fold with that kind of attitude mom.  Keep it up and it’ll be a cold day in hell before Shaw ever steps foot in this house again.”

“Why she would choose you over this family is beyond me.”

I gave her the only answer there was.  “Because she thinks I’m worth it.”

I gave Rome a bland look and moved around him being careful to avoid my dad.  I didn’t look back to see if either of them followed me but when I got outside I let out a pent up breath and looked at the street blanketed in snow.  Her words hurt, they always had but instead of feeling self-destructive and alone like I normally did I could fully see now that the issues were all hers and there was nothing I could do to change her mind unless she actively sought out help.  Too much time had passed with me playing the role of the accused for me to offer any form of clarity up to her.

“Son,” I was startled at the sound of my dad’s voice.  He had stopped to grab a jacket but followed me to the driveway.  Rome was nowhere to be seen.  I shifted my feet in the powder and shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my hoodie.  “We need to talk about this.”

“So much for this always being my home as well, huh dad?”  I regretted it as soon as I said it.  There was still a little boy somewhere deep inside me that wanted his parent’s approval and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get him to shut up.  “Sorry, that was stupid.”

My dad shook his head and for once I saw genuine remorse in his gaze.  “I had no idea it had gotten this bad with your mother, Rule.  I’m not a fan of the crazy hair or the obsessive tattoos all over every part of your body and it bugs me to no end that you purposely dress like a hoodlum just to annoy us but I’ve never blamed you for what happened to Remy.  You were two very different boys, always were but I loved you both the same.  I heard what your mother said at the funeral but I convinced myself it was just grief, just a mother’s overreaction to losing a child too young.  I honestly thought she would find her way clear of the sorrow and depression but after today I see where Rome is coming from.  We need help, she needs help.  I would never ban a child from my home pink hair, blue hair, green hair none of it ultimately matters because I love you and I just want you to be happy and live a good life.  I would prefer you stop aggravating an old man every chance you got while doing it, but I don’t want you to think that I ever wish it was you and not Remy that night.  It should have never happened to this family, but it did and you are absolutely right that it was an accident.”

I stared at my dad like he was a stranger.  It was cold and I could barely feel my toes but my blood was pumping fast and hard in my veins.  “You’ve never said any of that to me before.  You normally just get mad and leave the room or let mom tear me apart at every turn.”

“You’ve always been hard for me to relate to Rule.  Rome was my buddy, Remy was everybody’s best friend and you, well you made your own path when you were just a little fella and I never felt like you needed any kind of guidance from me to get where you wanted to go.  Your mother is fragile, more so than I thought and while I knew that what has been happening over the last few years hasn’t done us any good as a family I guess I kept hoping she would just snap out of it.  The harsher we were the more you fought back, you never let her get to you the way I think she wanted and while I should have stopped it years ago I guess I see now how much damage what we were doing could have done to you.”

“She wants me to be Remy.”  Saying it out loud to him felt like letting go of a lifetime of tightly held secrets.

He coughed and rubbed his thick hands together.  “She wants the easy relationship she had with Remy with you.  Remy wasn’t argumentative or problematic, he just went with the flow.  Rome knew we didn’t want him to join the military but he did it anyway because he’s stubborn and determined to make a difference in the world.  You were never easy going and complacent.  You hated curfew and any rule we imposed on you, you were always creative and quirky but hard to relate to, we said go left and you went backwards, she doesn’t have a son left that she can just dictate and manage.  She misses having someone to mother and Remy never minded her doing it for him and neither did Shaw, but now Shaw has chosen a side and Margot is devolving rapidly.”

“Dad I can’t come back here, not like this.  I appreciate everything you said today, in fact I wish you had said it years ago and maybe I wouldn’t have a history of bad behavior and questionable choices littering my history the way I do now, but I’m not going to be her scapegoat anymore.”

He sighed and looked at the door as Rome came out looking thunderous.  “Something tells me you aren’t the only Archer that is making that call.”

“Shaw too.  I’m not going to let mom use her as a pawn in this mess.”

“Yeah neither am I.  She’s like a daughter to me.”

Rome joined our little huddle and boy did he look pissed.  My eyes tended to be light and go silver or gray whenever I felt a strong emotion, my brothers blazed a bright blue the color of the base of a flame.

“She’s out of her damn mind.  Seriously dad she needs therapy and possibly drugs.  I can’t believe she said that shit to Rule.”

My dad sighed again and shifted sending tufts of snow that had gathered on the shoulders of his jacket drifting to the ground.

“I know son.  I just told Rule I recognize the problem is worse than I thought.”

“I only have a few weeks leave left; you better let her know I won’t be back unless she gets her head on right.  I tried to tell her and she just started spouting nonsense about Rule brainwashing everybody she cares about.  She has straight up vilified him, her own child.   I refuse to support her treating him that way.”

“You’re both good boys.  For right now you two take care of each other and I’ll work on your mother.  I love you both.  Don’t give up on us yet.”

We all shared a back pounding round of hugs before Rome and I climbed back into the truck.  I had to let the massive motor heat up before the heater would pump out warm hair so while we waited I stared out the snowy windshield in contemplation while Rome rattled on about our mom.  He was repulsed by her reaction to my surprise visit, I wasn’t.  I was however stunned by everything my dad had told me.  I couldn’t remember the last time anyone told me they loved me besides my brothers.  I had forgotten how nice it made me feel.

“You wanna take the Beamer or the truck since it’s coming down pretty good now?”

“The BMW.  I’ve seen you drive little brother, you won’t make it back to Denver in one piece in that sports car.”

He had a point and I wanted to get back in one piece because I wanted to get Shaw a phone and pick her up from work and spend the night in bed with her wrapped around me making her whisper my name over and over in that husky voice and maybe, just maybe getting someone to tell me they loved me would apply to her because I wasn’t sure, but that slippery feeling in my chest sure felt a hell of a lot like love.

Chapter 12

Shaw

I was still trying to figure out my new phone.  Instead of replacing my broken one with a replacement of the same model Rule had gotten me the brand new version with all the bells and whistles and the thing was ten times smarter than me.  I was trying to text Ayden that I was running late for our coffee date because one of my classes had run late.  I hadn’t seen her for more than a few minutes in the last couple of weeks so we were meeting to catch up.  She was still acting a little off but between always staying at Rule’s place and having him crash at ours, to shifting my schedules around at work and being constantly vigilant to avoid any kind of run in with Gabe since the protection order had been shut down cold like Mark had predicted, pinning her down and making her talk to me hadn’t been possible.

I was developing a pretty good rhythm.  On the days I worked I stayed on the Hill with Rule since his place was closer to the bar and he didn’t mind coming to have a drink and waiting for me to get off so he could take me home he and Lou were like the best of friends now.  On the days I was at school or volunteered he would show up sometimes around dinner but often right before bedtime and spend the night at my apartment.  I had decided to drop my Saturday shift in order to have one weekend night off to spend with him.  He liked to go out on Friday and Saturday nights with his friends so I figured it was cool to let him have a night to get his bro-time in while I was working, plus it was fun to have a weekend day off to go shopping or watch a movie when I was so used to being busy all the time.  Being with Rule was teaching me that my time was precious and I needed to spend it doing things I wanted as well as the things that were required of me.  That was partly why I felt justified in ignoring the calls from my parent’s that had been coming in nonstop since the trip to Brookside.

I finally got the text sent out and got one back saying she already had a seat and had ordered for us.  When I got to the coffee house the place was packed but Ayden had secured a spot by one of the windows and was messing around on her phone.  A table full of geeky looking guys was trying to get her attention by talking and laughing loudly but she seemed oblivious.  I missed our girl time and I wished she would talk to me about what had been bothering her the last month but with so much on my own plate I was well aware that I hadn’t been the best friend as of late.

I flopped in the seat across from her and gratefully scooped up the frothy drink she had ordered for me.  She made a face at me and put her phone away.  “I almost saw your boyfriend naked this morning.”

I laughed at the look on her face.  “I don’t know what to say to that, you’re welcome?”

She crinkled her nose at me.  “He doesn’t have much shame does he?”

“You’ve met Rule, right?”

She picked up her own drink and peered at me over the top of the cup.  “I guess he doesn’t really have much to worry about does he?  I don’t know how you don’t get distracted by all that stuff inked all over him, I think I would spend all my time looking at his tattoos rather than getting down to business.”

“It’s fun.”

“I bet.”  She had a faraway look in her pretty eyes that I just couldn’t let slide anymore.

“Come on Ayden; tell me what’s going on with you lately.  I know I’ve been wrapped up in my own nonsense but I can see the change in you.  You look so sad all the time and that’s just not like you.”

Her whiskey toned gaze shifted from one side to another before settling on the table between us.  She set her coffee down and traced the rim of the cup with her finger.

“I don’t know, I mean I know but not really.”  I just watched her because I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.  “I used to think I had it all figured out school, boys, my future, all of it.  I knew that coming from nothing and no one didn’t matter because I was on the right track and I was going to be something great and now I just don’t know.”

“What brought this on?”

“The night at the rock bar, the night I had Jet take me home I practically threw myself at him.”  I saw her flinch a little.  “He was polite enough about it all but said I wasn’t really his type and that nice girls like me deserved better.”

“Well that seems chivalrous and nice of him, not life altering.”

“That’s the thing Shaw, I’m a nice girl now but you have no idea about the life I lived before I moved to Colorado.  When I was in Kentucky I was out of control.  I partied, messed around in all kinds of bad stuff, played around with too many guys and I was a mess inside and out.  It took a miracle to get me into this school and away from all of that but part of me is still that girl and when Jet turned me down it just made both parts of me go a little sideways.  He’s cute and in a band, I was mad, really mad when he rejected me on the basis of being a good girl, that’s just not who I think I want to be.  I’ve been struggling with it ever since.”

I set my coffee down and looked at her out of narrowed eyes.  “You let a guy get all up in your head after one brief encounter?  That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“There was something about this guy, Shaw.  I don’t know what it was.”

“Ayden you’re amazing.  I don’t care what your life was like before because now you’re loyal and kind, you make me laugh, you’re smarter than practically anyone I know, you’re ridiculously beautiful and we both know that there have been times in the last couple of years that the only thing holding me together was you.  I’ve meet Jet a few times and he is nice and definitely a babe but he’s also a rock and roll guy that comes with legions of rock and roll groupies fawning all over him so whatever moment you had with him is not worth this mopey, self-doubt he seems to have spawned in you.”

“This from the girl that pinned over her guy in silence for almost a full decade?”  Her sarcasm was biting but well deserved.

“Yes and look how miserable and lonely it made me.  All I’m saying is that if a guy can’t appreciate you for how wonderful you are then he isn’t worth it and if he doesn’t want to sully your good image, whether it is real or not then I hate to say it but that just sounds like maybe he wasn’t interested.  You are pretty country and he is pretty rock I mean I know I’ve been drowning in opposites attract and all that stupid nonsense for my whole life with Rule but maybe they really don’t and you just weren’t his type.  I’ve seen the girls that gravitate to these guys when they go out, heck I’ve walked in on Rule with them over and over again and trust me big brains, self-confidence and ambition are not things these women bring to the table.”

She exhaled loudly.  “Maybe.  It just made me wonder about what I’m doing.  I date, I have a pretty good time, I love living with you and I’m awesome at school but I feel like something is missing and when I see your super-hot, half-dressed boyfriend covered in tattoos looking all sleepy and satisfied I get a little burn near my heart that hurts.  I think I’m lonely and not for something casual and simple.  Trust me I had plenty of that when I was younger.”

I laughed a little and scraped off some of the foam of my drink with my finger and popped it in my mouth.  I think the table of geeks gasped but I wasn’t sure because when I looked back up at them they were all frantically typing away on their laptops.

“So you pick a heavy metal singer to get all mushy and sentimental over?  Man we’ve got marvelous taste in men.”

She laughed with me and leaned back to cross her long legs at the ankle.  “I think it’ll probably fade away but in the mean time I need to get my head around moving forward without totally forgetting who I am, I mean look at you.  You’re not suddenly covered head to toe in ink and sporting a face full of extreme piercings.  You took all the parts of Rule’s make your own rules philosophy and used it mellow out and take control of your own destiny not turn into a new you.”

She was partly right.  I figured it was probably too much information to tell her I had been seriously considering getting my nipples pierced.  Rule was always telling me how sensitive they were, how easy it was to get me turned on and all worked up and ready to blow by just playing with them and after having intimate contact on a repeated basis with someone that had piercings through strategic parts of their anatomy I knew exactly how the little pieces of jewelry could enhance the experience.  It had always been Rule for me so I didn’t know what it was like to be with anyone that didn’t have barbells in their cock and through their tongue, but as good as it was with him I had no desire to find out how it was with someone unadorned.  I didn’t want them for him, I wanted them for me but I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit to something that big yet.

“He influences me, he always has but I don’t want to be with someone that only wants to be with me just to change me.”

“I know and neither would I.  I think when I left home I had the idea that if I didn’t change I was just going to be stuck in that endless rut forever and somehow I lost everything, even the good stuff about the pre-Denver Ayden.”

I reached out and squeezed the hand she had resting on the table.  “Maybe you’re just entering a new phase, maybe this isn’t new Ayden or old Ayden but a excellent new incantation of both.  You’re fine, whoever and whatever you want to be is just fine.”

“I sure hope so.  So have you seen or heard anything from Gabe?”

I shook my head and kicked back in the seat.  “No.  I’ve seen him on campus coming and going but he keeps his distance.  Rule’s retired cop friend says he heard that Judge Davenport wasn’t happy to have his son’s name come up in open court so maybe he put a leash on him.  The guys have been really good about keeping me close so I don’t think he has the nerve to go up against Rule or Rome and I’m purposely avoiding all contact with my parents so if he’s trying to enlist them it isn’t doing him any good.”

“So what’s your long term plan?  Rome has to go back to playing solider soon and as much as I’m sure Rule likes keeping you close eventually it’s gotta get old.  The honeymoon phase won’t last forever.”

I was worried about that myself.  Right now he seemed to like hanging out at the bar and didn’t seem to mind juggling our hectic schedules back and forth to see each other and to keep his eye on me, but I agreed with her that it couldn’t last much longer.

“I just don’t know what to do.  If the legal system can’t help and my own parents are working against me to keep him off my back I just don’t know.  I wish he would just find another girl that is socially acceptable and forget about me.”

“I don’t know either but I’m glad you aren’t trying to handle this all on your own.”

“He’s good for me.  I feel like my life is finally my own with him in it.”

“Have you told him that you’re in love with him and have been for eternity yet?”

I gulped down some of my drink and it went down the wrong tube.  I hacked for a second until tears filled my eyes.  “No!  Are you nuts?  Why would I do that?  He already knows that I’ve had a crush on him since forever and I think just that weirds him out.  I don’t want to put all kinds of pressure on him to feel the same about me.  He wants to be together and he’s making a true and honest effort to be in this relationship with me and for now that’s good enough.”

She clicked her tongue at me and waved a finger back and forth.  “If you think you hide the way you feel about him at all you’re so wrong.  The feelings you have for that boy radiate out of you like a bright light.  He has to see it every time he looks at you.”

I fiddled nervously with the ends of my hair.  “Well he’s never said anything about it and that’s just fine by me.”

“You are so silly.  You’ve been in love with this guy since you were a teenager and now you have him and you’re still worried about being open and honest with him?  It just seems to me like you wouldn’t want to waste any more time.”

“This is Rule we’re talking about.  He’s unpredictable and doesn’t deal with emotions in a typical way.  I don’t want to scare him off by getting too intense too quickly.  I’ve seen what he does to people that push him and it isn’t pretty.”

“For what it’s worth I think he’s just as sprung on you as you are on him.  That glow you have well he has it too just in a darker, slightly more confused way.”

“Well that’s nice to hear.  I don’t know that I believe it but still it’s a nice thought.”

We spent another hour and one more coffee each catching up.  We talked about school and I told her a little about Margot’s breakdown when Rule went to get my car.  We talked about work and how ridiculous Loren seemed to be every time she opened her mouth and we made plans to go shopping the following weekend after another trip to the salon.  By the time we were done it was too early for dinner and she had to run to get ready for work.  We left on a hug which I’m pretty sure caused the tabled of geeks to spontaneously break into juvenile erection territory and I headed up to Capitol Hill.  Since I was off and Rome was back in the Springs for another checkup I had promised Rule I would meet him at the tattoo shop and wait until he was done with his last client.

I hadn’t been in the shop during business hours so when I pushed open the door I was slightly taken aback at how busy it was.  There was a girl behind the counter with super short hair bleached out as white as mine and spiked up all over the place.  She was answering the phone, handling the people milling about the waiting area and pointing perspective clients in the directions of the appropriate portfolios.  There were three other artists set up in the stations not filled by Nash, Rowdy and Rule.  I noticed one of them was a very pretty girl with black and green hair that looked like something out of a comic book.  There were also six clients in varying positions getting various designs and making various noises and looks of discomfort that had their friend’s and the artist’s laughing and making light hearted comments.  Against Me! Was blasting over the sound system and the entire vibe was energetic and exciting.  I couldn’t fathom how anyone earned such a good living in such a crazy environment, but it seemed to suit Rule’s personality to a tee.

I stood unsure in the doorway for a full minute just taking it all in until I was jostled to the side by a girl in too tight pants and disgusting Uggs.  Her hair was teased up and I could see she had swirling sleeves of ink under her super tiny t-shirt and I guess she was good looking in a trashy, desperate kind of way but the girl behind the counter apparently had no time for whatever she was asking for because her voice, loud and clear with a hint of an East Coast burr told her none to graciously to “Fuck off Liza.  I already told you over the phone that he was booked up for the next two weeks and he has no interest in working late to touch your shit up.”

The girl mumbled something I couldn’t hear and leaned over the counter.  The receptionist or whatever her title was rolled her eyes dramatically.  “Look let me break this down for you; he is not interested in you.  You are a client, you give him money to tattoo you not date you and not to flirt with you.  He’s busy and I mean busy so if you want work done you will get put in the book like everyone else and come in for your scheduled appointment.  Besides he’s got a girlfriend now and has no interest in the little ink bunnies anymore.”

I blinked rapidly in surprise when I realized she was more than likely talking about Rule and that I was more than likely the girlfriend she was referring to.  How strange was that?  The girl continued to have a little bit of a fit until it became clear she wasn’t going to get past the blond fireball to get to the artists.  She shoved past me on the way out the door and immediately a clean cut college guy took her place at the desk.  He made his appointment with no fuss and I continued to watch the ebb and flow business for a while until the girl’s attention finally landed on me.

“Can I help you with something?”  She wasn’t exactly friendly, more like matter of fact so I started a little bit.

“I’m just waiting for someone.”

“Well you can have a seat over there if you’re waiting for a client.”

I tucked my hair behind my ears and cocked my head to the side and regarded her carefully.  “I’m actually waiting for Rule.”

Now that she was looking at me I could see she had really unusual colored eyes, one was dark brown and the other was a swirl of green and blue.  She gave a really heavy sigh and narrowed her eyes at me.  “Like I told the other tattoo tramp, Rule is busy.  If you want to see him you have to have an appointment just like every other client.”

I snickered against my will.  “Tattoo Tramp?  Is that what you call them?”

She seemed surprised by my question.  “Yeah.  You have no idea how many poor girls are walking around this town with stupid lower back tattoos just because they wanted to pull their pants down for one of the guys.”

“Oh I would totally believe it.”

She leaned her elbows on the counter and sized me up and down.  “What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t but then again you didn’t ask.  I’m Shaw, I’m not a tramp of any persuasion and I don’t have any tattoos so neither of those things applies to me.”

As soon as I said my name her jaw dropped open and she shoved off the big leather chair she was sitting on.  Her wicked colored eyes went wide and she smacked her hands down hard on the marble surface separating us.

“Holy shit you’re Shaw?  You’re freaking real?   Unbelievable!  Guys Rule’s girl is here and she’s like an actual girl with an actual brain.  Un-freaking-believable.  The terrible trio have been talking about you for weeks and I just didn’t believe it but here you really are.”

Like something out of a movie all eyes in the shop suddenly swiveled up to where I was standing.  I had spent plenty of time with Nash and Rowdy over the last few week so they both just offered up brief “heys” and went back to what they were working on.  Rule’s look turned my insides out and he gave me a wink before saying something to the kid he was working on and sitting back to wipe the excess ink off.  The other three artists stared at me openly which would have made me super uncomfortable but the blond had sprinted around the counter and was now standing right in front of me.  She was almost the same height as me but weighed a good thirty pounds less, somehow though her wild hair made her look taller and it was hard to believe that loud voice came out of such a tiny package.  She was like a punk rock pixie.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for one of those guys to land a serious girlfriend?  Forever!  Sending away the ink bunnies has never been as satisfying as it is now and I never ever would have pegged Rule as the one to go down first.”  She waved a hand over her shoulder at the opposite side of the shop where the three artists I didn’t know were working and pointed to each one.  “Bixie, she’s married to a firefighter so she’s never caused to much fuss with weirdo client stalkers, Mase has an on and off girlfriend so he can behave but when they’re off he can give Rule a run for his money in the man-whore department, Jasper, well we call him Jaz keeps his liaisons all quiet and secret because he’s got ties with the Kings of Sorrow the local biker club and apparently that’s supposed to be hush-hush so the bunnies don’t hover around for him too much, but the terrible trio, man oh man I show those bitches outta here all day every day and even with Rule being hooked up with you it still seems like that’s my full time job.”

She talked so loud and so fast I had a hard time tracking everything she was telling me, plus Rule had snapped off his gloves and was prowling towards me in the way that made my legs go all gooey.  He moved with a limber ease that was just sexy and confident, also his hair was starting to grow back in and I liked the near black fuzz covering his scalp.

“Are you telling my girl stories Cora?  I told you Shaw’s been around for a long time you aren’t going to be able to scare her.”  He came around the corner and before I could get myself all worried about whether it was appropriate to touch him at work he had me all wound up with his hands in my hair and his mouth slanted across mine.  He tasted like coffee and peppermint; he also didn’t seem to mind that all eyes remained on us while he thoroughly devoured me, like we hadn’t seen each other in weeks rather than just this morning.  He gave his tongue one last flick, clicking his tongue ring against the back of my teeth.  When he pulled away I’m sure my eyes were glassy and I was breathing hard.  I cleared my throat and put a shaky hand on his chest until I regained my composure.  “I’ve got like a half an hour left are you cool to hangout that long?  You can come chill in the back and do your school shit or whatever.”  I nodded and took a step back from him.  He was potent and went to my head fast.

“No stay up here and hangout with me.  I’m dying to know all about this mystical creature that got you to act human for once.”

He shot an annoyed glance over his shoulder at the pixie.  “Shaw this is Cora Lewis.  She’s the shop manager and our resident body modification expert.”

She wiggled her eyebrows up and down and gave me a leer.  She twirled a finger in Rule’s direction.  “Since you’re with this guy I’m sure you’re familiar with my work.”

I choked back a laugh and put a hand to my mouth as a hot flush worked up Rule’s neck.  “Seriously Cora?”

She shrugged a tiny shoulder.  “What?  It’s true isn’t it?”

His arctic eyes landed back on me and the chagrin in them made me laugh out loud.  “She’s from Brooklyn.  None of us know where Uncle Phil found her and they refuse to tell us but she keeps the shop running like a well-oiled machine.  Most of us wouldn’t know if we were coming or going without her.”