Текст книги "Rule"

Автор книги: Jay Crownover

Соавторы: Jay Crownover
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“What if I hadn’t saved any of that?”

“We’ve met, remember?  I know you well enough to know you probably save after every sentence.”

It was every paragraph but whatever.  “This is kind of out of the way for you, what are you doing here?”  I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him in exactly ten days.  The idea that he had purposely sought me out just seemed too farfetched to be believed so I scolded myself not to even begin to read into his sudden appearance.

“I actually went by the bar.  I ran into your roommate and she said told me you were probably here working on homework, Shaw we need to talk.”  I had never heard him sound so serious, it made me nervous.  I needed something to do with my hands so I picked up my drink and tried to hide behind it.

“I don’t think we do.”  I was halfway certain he was going to say something that was going to make me want to chuck the lukewarm coffee at his head.

He raised the eyebrow that had the double silver bars in and leaned forward so that he was resting his elbow on his knees and staring directly into my eyes.  There were interesting shadows dancing and flashing in the silver depths of his that I didn’t know what to make of, but he had never looked more enticing than he did in that moment.

“Come on.  You really think things can go down like they did and we just pretend like it never happened?”

“Why not?  It’s what we’ve been doing and it seems to be working just fine.”

“Shaw,” he sounded exasperated.  “We are not going to have seriously awesome sex that of which just happens to be your first time and not talk about it.  First off I want to know what you were doing with Remy for all those years if you weren’t sleeping together, that just doesn’t make any sense.  I also want to know why you took off the next morning, you didn’t even me a chance to try and talk to you.”

I set the coffee down and pushed some of my hair out of my face, I leaned towards him so that I was almost in the exact same position he was.  We were so close I could see each of his eyelashes as they brushed against his cheek when he blinked.

“I told you guys until I was blue in the face that Remy and I were just friends.  We never, ever had any kind of romantic relationship.  Our friendship was deep, it was powerful and intimate in a way Neanderthal males fail to understand, but it was never physical and I can’t believe you thought I would stick around after just to have you rush me out the door the next morning.  I’ve seen you in action more times than I care to admit Rule, I wasn’t going to be another one of your morning after headaches.  I have more pride than that.”

“But you were going to hold onto your virginity for twenty years and then just give it up to me for no apparent reason?”  He sounded slightly put out which made grin.

“I had my reasons Rule.”

“And those would be?”

“For me to know.  Look I didn’t ask you for anything after, I don’t expect anything from you so can’t we just get over it?”

“No we can’t.”

I reeled back a little bit and frowned at him.  “What?  Why not?  We’ve known each other forever; this is just a thing that happened.”  I flipped my wrist in a way I hoped was dismissive and went stock still as he grabbed my hand in his much larger one.  I stared fascinated as the tattooed digits linked with my own.

“See this thing that happened,” his voice dropped a few octaves and I was suddenly acutely aware that the coffee shop was full and that for whatever reason we had garnered enough interest from the fellow patrons that several nearby tables were watching our interaction with rapt attention.  “It wasn’t just some insignificant event that we can just ignore, believe me I tried.  I went out Friday and met a smoking hot redhead.”  I felt my face fold into a scowl as I tried to pull away from him.  He smiled at me and used my trapped hand to pull me even closer.  “Sadly it took maybe five minutes to realize that I was trying to use one girl to get another off my mind so I thought Saturday I would try for a blond or maybe a brunette, hell maybe both because my head was all twisted up by a chick it shouldn’t be.”  I tugged on my hand but he just pulled me closer still so that he was practically whispering in my ear and that I was almost sitting on his lap.  I had to use my free hand to brace myself on his hard thigh.  It was way too intimate, way too familiar to touch him this way when I was trying to put distance between us and he was telling me about trying to take other girls to bed.  “So Nash and I went out and there were redheads and there were brunettes and there was even a super-hot chick that looked kinda like Pink but you think any of them did it for me?  No, Shaw not one because they weren’t fucking you and ever since you walked out on Sunday all I’ve been thinking of is you.  Now why is that?”

His words made me shiver from the inside out.  “Because it was new, because we have history and it makes it harder for you to keep me faceless and nameless, I don’t know Rule.”

He lifted a hand and ran his thumb across the rise of my cheek.  I made my breath catch and my heart start to trip over itself.

“Whatever the reason it matters Shaw.  It matters a lot.”

“What are you trying to say Rule?”

“I don’t know, all I know is other girls aren’t you and that isn’t cutting it for me so I think we need to figure out what’s going on between us.”

I shook my head a little and a silver flare lit up his pale gaze.  “I’m not going to be one of many.  Like I said I had my reasons for letting things happen the way they did, but if you think I’m signing up to be a bed filler because no one else is fitting the bill right now you are sadly mistaken.  I know you Rule; I’ve known you since you first figured out girls were more complicated than boys and you’ve never wanted to put the work in.”

The feather light sweep of that thumb across my cheek almost had me melting into a puddle at his booted feet.  “So this time I will, we’ll hangout, do shit together, I mean we’ve known each other forever but I honestly don’t really know anything about you.  Come on Shaw what do you really have to lose?”

Not my heart because he already had it even though he didn’t know it.  “So you want to like date?”

He laughed.  “I’m not really the dating type but I swear that while we’re trying to figure out what’s going on that I’ll keep it in my pants.  No screwing around, no other girls.  I owe it to you and to me to see what’s here or if it was just a fluke.”  He sounded so sincere; he looked as serious and as determined to make me believe what he was saying as I had ever seen.

I cleared my throat and bit my bottom lip a little.  Sure it was what I had dreamed of, Rule suddenly realizing I was a girl and wanting to be with me.  Granted in my fantasy that always came with his profession of undying love and devotion, but in reality his curiosity and a promise to at least feel things out was probably as good as I was ever going to get.  I didn’t know how much I trusted him, but I had always, always wanted him and it just wasn’t in me to turn that down when it was being offered up on a silver platter.

“If we do this; hangout, spend time together your parents, my parents, Rome none of them are going to like it very much.”

“Who cares?”

I guess I did but I always was the always the only one to worry about that stuff.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

I breathed out a soft breath and as it whispered across his mouth he briefly closed his eyes so I did the only thing that was left to do, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.  It wasn’t the same desperation as it had been the last time, there was no panic that he would change his mind, no years upon years of pent up desire and frustration, there was no regret that it was only going to be a one night thing  Just the sweet press of my lips against his and the soft bite of that lip ring into my lower lip.  Kissing Rule would always be uniquely different from kissing anyone else, there was just something about it that put it in a class all its own.  I felt his lips turn up into a grin as audible sighs from several of the tables around us were heard.  He pulled back and tapped a finger on the tip of my nose.

I sat back in my chair and cleared my throat.  “Well then.”

He barked out a laugh.  “Yeah, at least that part of it seems to be a no-brainer.”

I shifted in my seat and motioned absently to the work still sprawled across the table between us.  “As nice as this little visit was I have to finish this presentation.”

A quick flash of disappointment blazed across his eyes but he hid it behind that easy grin.  “When do you work this weekend?”

“I work all weekend, but I’m first out Saturday night, I just have to be in by ten on Sunday morning.”

“Busy girl.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“So this hanging out thing might be harder than I thought?”

He said it light heartedly but I knew Rule, he was an instant gratification kind of guy.  If my tight schedule made it hard for us to spend time together I had no illusions that he would wait around for me to get free, he would move on to something easier and more manageable.

“I’ll be out around ten on Saturday and usually I’m out by seven on Sunday, the Sunday shift is optional I just picked it up because we stopped going to Brookside and I figured I might as well make a little extra money.”

“My buddy Jet is playing at Cerberus this weekend, why don’t you grab your roommate and come hangout Saturday night?”

“What kind of music is it?”  Cerberus had a pretty rowdy reputation in town.  It was located in the warehouse district and had been shut down more than once for one thing or another.  It wasn’t the kind of place I would normally consider spending time, in fact it was the kind of place I normally avoided at all costs just on the off chance I would run into someone I knew and they would rat me out to my parents, but if I was going to commit to trying to spend time with this boy that I had wanted forever, then my horizons were going to have to expand.

“Metal.”

I snorted a little.  “Ayden is from Kentucky, she likes Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood.  I don’t know that I could wrangle her into that.”

“They’re actually really good, they went on tour with a pretty famous band last year, besides Ayden seems like a pretty cool chick I bet she would go just to be your wingman.  If she doesn’t come just come alone, I won’t leave you hanging.”

“What about Rome?”

“He has to go to Fort Carson for the weekend.  He has to set up meetings with his VA counselor.  He’s having a rough time since he isn’t healing as fast as he thought he would be.”

“That’s too bad.”

“I’m not going to hide this from anyone Shaw, if you want to play those kind of games maybe you need to rethink whether this is something you really want to do or not.”

I grabbed his forearm and let the tips of my fingers dig into the body of the snake that was marked there.  “No, I’m not going to hide, just don’t make me look like an idiot Rule.  This matters.”

“It matters to me too, Casper.”  He climbed to his feet so that he was towering over me.  He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to the crown of my head.  “By the way you look good in jeans.  Come to the show Saturday.”

“Alright.”  I watched him walk out of the coffee shop and it wasn’t lost on me that so did every other girl in the place.  I stifled a sigh and ruefully shook my head.  I went to flip the top of my computer back open when the girl sitting directly across from me caught my eye.  She was a little bit older than me, had long dreadlocks that were a startling ocean blue and she was staring at me in open envy.  I had to blink a little bit because I was so used to being the one that looked at the girls crawling out of his bed like that.  She gave me a sheepish grin.

“You’re going to have your hands full with that one.”

Considering I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure what we were doing I had no doubt she was right.  It wasn’t like he asked me to be his girlfriend or even on an honest to God date, he just said he wanted to hang out and spend time together, that wasn’t defined or clear and I didn’t even know what that meant to him.  I appreciated that he told me he was willing to keep it in his pants, that he was aware that whatever was happening between us was important enough to try and figure out without the complication of other girls involved, but I was acutely aware that old habits tended to die hard and Rule was not known to practice restraint.  I huffed out a breath.  “You’re telling me.”

The girl laughed a little.  “He actually tattooed a giant lotus flower on my friend’s leg; she spent all three sessions trying to get him to ask her out on a date.  I guess I can tell her he has a girlfriend so it’ll make her feel better.”

I picked my coffee back up and tried to get my head out of the Rule fog that it had descended into and tried to move it back to good college student mode.

“I’m not his girlfriend.”

“Really?  It sure looked like it.”

“We’ve known each other a long time, it’s complicated.”

She winked at me and gave me a saucy grin.  “Oh honey when they look like that and exude that kind of do-me, do-me it always will be.”

Well there it was.  If a perfect stranger could plainly see after literally only five minutes of watching us together that it was always going to be a battle to keep things with him on the level what chance did I have of making anything between us work?  With that depressing thought I went back to assisted suicide and tried to cheer myself up.

Chapter 7

Rule

The club was packed.  Enmity was a pretty big local draw for metal heads and punk-rockers, plus Jet had been in the scene since he was just a kid so he had a solid local following from just being around for so long.  Some crappy wannabe Slayer band was opening up for them and already doing their warm up, they were followed by an all-girl punk band so the show was supposed to run late which was good because it was well past eleven and I couldn’t stop looking at the display on my phone to check the time.  Every time I did it Nash rolled his eyes and Jet laughed at me, granted they were doing a bang up job of polishing off a bottle of Patron between the two of them so I didn’t take it personally but I had sent Shaw a text over an hour ago to verify she was going to be here and I hadn’t heard a thing back.

I was antsy and ill-tempered partly because I was navigating uncharted territory and undeniably because this whole monogamy thing was new to me.  I was used to scratching an itch when I felt it, used to appealing to baser needs and letting my carnal instinct drive me, behaving not because someone asked me to but because I wanted to was entirely new to me and the side effects sucked.  I was horny and irritable, plus I was sick of playing phone tag with her, I had no idea how busy Shaw’s life was.  The girl was bouncing from class, to work, to volunteer stuff all day long.  When I saw her before on the weekends I had just assumed she had free time and was choosing to spend Sunday’s with my folks, clearly that wasn’t the case.  Every minute of the girl’s day was planned and orchestrated, it made the fact that she had sacrificed a lot by refusing to see them until they opened their eyes more clear.

“Chill out.  If she said she was coming than she’s coming.”  Nash shoved an elbow in my ribs making me jostle the phone I was glaring holes into.  I shoved it back into my pocket and picked up the beer I had been nursing for over an hour.  I caught the eye of a smoking hot blond that had been scoping me out under the radar since we walked in the bar and had to do a quick mental rundown of why I thought spending time with Shaw and figuring out how she had got my head all twisted and turned was a good idea when easy as pie was right in front of me.  The blond gave me a smile that all but screamed “I want you to take my pants off with your teeth” and I almost choked when beer went down the wrong tube.

Jet snickered and rubbed a hand through his messy black hair.  The guy looked like a rock star; he was lanky and had that permanent freshly-laid and outta bed look that made girls stupid and dreamy eyed with zero effort.  He also had an awesome voice and could sing, like really sing which made the fact he chose to be in a heavy metal band ironic because most of his stuff with Enmity was screaming and loud, but the guy was a consummate musician and could write a killer song as well as play pretty much any instrument he picked up.  One night after a particularly nasty bout of beer pong he had confessed that he liked metal because he couldn’t deal with the fame and adulation of more popular styles of music.  They guy wanted to be in a band but for reasons that only made sense to him, had no interest in being a full blown rock star, even though he had the look and the chops to do it.

“I swear you pull more tail than me and I’m in a freaking band.  All you have to do is blink and you have broads falling all over themselves to have at it.”

I cleared my throat and set the beer down on the table.  “Yeah, well I told you guys I need to cut that shit out for a while.”

Jet looked over his shoulder at the blond than back at me with a smirk.  “Good luck with that.”

Nash tossed back a shot and hissed out a breath through his teeth.  “Cut him some slack dude, he’s got a good thing working.”

“I’m just saying he doesn’t have to even work at it.”

I pulled out my phone and checked the time for the hundredth time.  “Something tells me that is about to be completely untrue.”

Jet and Nash both did another shot and Jet gave a howl.  “The first band is getting ready to start so I gotta go make sure the guys are ready to kick some ass tonight.  We’re getting ready to finish the album we’ve been working on so we need to kill it tonight.”  A round of fists banging went back and forth and I sighed as the blond gave me another pointed look.  I didn’t mean to keep looking in her direction but I guess old habits died hard.

“This blows.”

“Seriously, chill.  Shaw is awesome, she’s a total babe, she’s got enough balls to give you your shit right back and she knows you and still is willing to give you a shot.  She’ll be here so just calm down and tell your junk to freaking relax.”

My hair was still up in the crazy mohawk so I couldn’t run my hands through it; instead I rubbed the back of my neck and tapped my fingers on the edge of the table.

“Why do you think she wants to give this a shot, I mean logically she knows I’m a bad bet, she knows what my history is like and historically we don’t have anything in common.  I know I can’t get her out of my head, but what do you think her reasons are for seeing what this is all about are?”

“I think she’s a super bright chick and whatever her motivation is she’s thought a lot about it.  I don’t think she went to bed with you just because and I seriously doubt she agreed to kick it with you simply because you asked.  I think if you can keep your head on straight and your dick in your pants you’ll eventually find out why she’s doing what she’s doing and I’m pretty sure the reasons will knock you on your ass.”

“I think I’m certifiable for even thinking I’m going to be able to do this.”  I liked girls, liked no strings attached sex, liked going where I wanted when I wanted and I liked not having to answer to anyone but myself and hooking up with Shaw put all those things on ice.  I sighed again and let my eyes wander back over to the blond.  She was still looking at me only now her very pretty face was scrunched up into a scowl.  Her mouth was pulled in like she had tasted something sour and I couldn’t figure out what had changed in the minute since I had last caught her eye until I heard Nash mutter “Damn,” and realized that every guy seated around us had turned to watch Shaw and Ayden as they made their way past the bar and towards where we were seated.

They made a striking pair.  By far the classiest girls in the place, it was clear neither one had ventured down to Cerberus before.  Shaw’s blond hair was loose and long, falling over shoulders bared in a black halter top.  She had skinny jeans on that looked like they would need to be surgically removed they were so tight and a pair of bright blue heels that should look ridiculous at a show like this, but instead had even old school head bangers drooling in their pints.  Ayden had her dark hair spiked up and sexy, she was in a tiny little skirt and a billowy purple top that completely fell off of one shoulder.  She was rocking a pair of black cowboy boots that had clearly seen some better days but that didn’t stop the two of them from turning every single head, male and female as they slid up on our table.

I didn’t know what to do so I just stared at Shaw while she stared back.  I was pretty sure all the blood in my brain had been diverted south so I just blinked at her like an idiot while Nash chuckled and told both of them hello.

“Hey.  Sorry we’re late we had a bachelor party run over and it took us longer to get out of there than we thought it would.”

“I sent you a couple of texts to see what was going on.”  I should be asking her if she wanted a drink, doing something to let her know I was happy she was here but instead I was being surly and weird.

She frowned.  “My phone is off.”

Ayden propped her elbows on the table and took the shot Nash offered her up.  She glared at Shaw and pointed a finger at her.  “Tell him why it’s off.”  There was accusation there and I saw, even in the dim light of the bar the way she flushed.

I put a hand on her lower back and bent down so that my lips were touching her ear.  I felt her tense but she leaned her hip into mine.  “Why is your phone off Casper?”

She shifted her weight from foot to foot.  “Because Gabe is blowing it up.  Mt mom invited his parents to Brookside Country Club for dinner next weekend and they expect us both to be there.  He has it in his head that we should ride up there together and won’t leave me alone about it so I turned my phone off because he’s making me crazy and I don’t even want to go in the first place.”

A cocktail waitress chose that moment to walk by so the girls ordered drinks and I got another beer.  I pressed Shaw closer to my side and turned so that we were facing each other.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

She flattened a palm on the center of my chest right over my heart and looked up at me with sad, green eyes.  “I don’t know.  I have to go or my mom will make my life hell, but I don’t want to be anywhere near Gabe.  I’m trying to just ignore the entire thing.”

“That’s not going to work for long.”  I liked the way she fit next to me, like she was custom made to be right there.

“I know.”  The waitress dropped off drinks and Ayden grimaced as the first band started.  I laughed and poured her another shot.

“Just power through the first two, I promise Jet’s band is really good.’

She made a face.  “I like stuff with a little more twang and a lot more banjo.”

We all laughed a little.  “Just help Nash finish the tequila, that’ll get you through and if it gets too bad I bet Jet has ear plugs we can go snag for ya.”  She said something I didn’t catch but made Nash laugh hysterically so I turned back to Shaw.  I gave an internal shiver when I noticed she was having some kind of girly stare down with the other blond from earlier.  I curled my hand all the way around her waist and yanked until she was pressed full body against me.

“Hey, don’t.”

“It’s not like she has to be so obvious about it.”

“Shaw look around.  There are at least ten guys sitting no less than five feet away I can actually see undressing you with their eyes, it’s cool.  I’m hanging with you, not her and you’re here because of me not them, that’s what matters, right?”

She made a face at me which made me want to suck on her bottom lip.  I reached up and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.  It felt like satin and immediately slipped back out.  “I’ve never waited around for a week to spend time with a girl I’m into before, frankly it blows, and I want to spend time with you.”

“I really am sorry we ran late.  I had to do some work to get Ayden to agree to come.  This really isn’t her scene, mine either for that matter, but I’m glad we’re here.”

She ran her index finger over the tattoo of the phoenix that was sticking out of the sleeve of my t-shirt on my bicep.  “I want to spend time with you too, Rule.  I’m sorry my life is so hectic.”

“Don’t worry about it.”  I slid my hand under the heavy fall of her hair and leaned down to whisper in her ear, “So are you going to come home with me tonight or what?”  If she said no there was a good chance I was going to have to take a cold shower before I could get my jeans off.  Her green eyes were brilliant as they gazed back up at me, never had a girl, especially a girl I had known for so long been able to keep me guessing as to what she was thinking.  Shaw was a hard one to read, her eyes just seemed to be reflecting back what I was feeling instead.

“We took a cab so as long as I make sure Ayden is cool that can definitely be an option.”  Her voice had dropped to an even huskier octave and I thought it was possible I had never heard anything sexier.  I grunted in approval like the Neanderthal I was and let my hand fall from her waist to the curve of her ass.

The four of us chatted and had a couple more rounds while we all suffered through the first and second band.  The second one would have been alright if the lead singer had focused more on trying to sing than looking a part but for the most part they just hollered and jumped around for an hour and Ayden was ready to jump on stage and wrestle the microphone from the poor girl.  I was surprised how fun it was to just hangout.  Ayden was funny and sarcastic, she and Nash bounced barbs back and forth like they had been friends for years and by the time enmity was setting up the Patron was gone and the two of them were loaded.  Shaw was quieter, she was watching everyone and everything around her, she asked questions and responded when engaged in conversation but for the most part she just kept an eye on what was going on rather than fully participating in it.  At one point I almost started a brawl because I had gone to the bathroom and Nash had slipped out to smoke, we were only gone for a minute and by the time I got back to the table some sweaty metal head was trying to press up on Shaw.

I wasn’t the type that got jealous, I mean I lived my entire life not being as good as my twin so I couldn’t understand the murderous rage that was suddenly flowing through me, the sudden need to claim something, do announce to the world that she was mine.  Luckily Nash got to the table first and sent the guy on his way in no uncertain terms because chances were I would have pulverized him and ended up spending the night in jail.  Still when I got back to the table I had yanked Shaw up to the tips of her fancy ass blue shoes and planted a kiss on her pretty, pink mouth hard enough that my lip ring stung.  I thought maybe she would pull back, maybe give me crap for acting like an idiot bit she just griped my shirt in her tiny hands and let me do what I had to do.  When I finally set her back down her eyes looked glassy and she was flushed.  She slicked her tongue over her bottom lip and settled back into my side.

“Gotta tell you Rule, I’m a fan of kissing with all that metal in your face.  I never thought that was something I would be into, but you sure make it work.”

Oh man was that the hottest thing I had ever heard, ever.  I hooked an arm around her shoulder.  “And you know maybe next time you could just pee in a circle around me so that they know you’ve already been there.”

I chuckled at her dry remark but didn’t bother to deny what the overt action had been about.  We continued to chat and have a great time but by the time the house lights went down and Jet was ready to hit the stage I had had enough of friend time and wanted alone time with just her, unfortunately Jet knew how to put on a good show and even though Ayden claimed that the racket the band was making could in no way be called music it only took two songs to have her dragging Shaw up to the front of the stage with her.  The band was loud, aggressive and blazed from song to song, but Jet was a good looking guy and knew how to work a crowd so it didn’t surprise me when the girls had run off that there had been a drunkenly, interested gleam in Ayden’s eyes.  Unfortunately it also left me alone to deal with my plastered best friend.

“You gonna make it?”

Nash’s violet eyes were at half-mast and I was pretty sure that if the table wasn’t available to hold him up he would be face first down on the floor.  This is what I normally looked like after a night of hard drinking, it was slightly startling to see it from the other side.

“Huh?”  His words were mumbled and unfocused and I saw visions of sexy time going up in smoke and replaced with the reality that I was going to have to manhandle him back to the apartment and get him in a bathroom like right now.

“Bro you better not yak in my truck.  Let me go find the girls and let them know we have to go.”

“Smhhh…”  Okay it was mission critical to get him out of here before the tequila came back up.  I sighed and started toward the stage only to be intercepted before I got there by the blond from earlier.  Now that Shaw was here and my head was in control not what was in my pants I could clearly see there was no comparison between the two.  Shaw was flawless and pretty in a way that didn’t require five pounds of makeup and clothes that exposed more than they covered.  She was also charmingly unaware of the affect she had on the opposite sex, where this girl was here to be seen and appreciated.  She put a finger on the center of my chest and blinked heavily lashed eyes at me.

“Hey.”

“Uh hi.”  I would just step around her but the bar was packed and the band was making the crowd go crazy.  People were jumping up and down and banging heads all around so unless I walked right over her I wasn’t going to be able to get by.  Because I was so tall I had a clear sight of one dark head and one light bouncing along to the music right up front, while I was stoked Shaw seemed to be having fun, I was also bummed she was practically impossible to get to.