Текст книги "Throttled"

Автор книги: Elizabeth Lee

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“Hey,” Reid called out when he saw me standing outside the one diner in town. “Fancy seeing you here,” he teased. It was lunchtime. I either ate at the office or I ate here, same as every other person that worked in Halstead. As soon as I saw him though, I’d really wished I packed a lunch today. I’d told him that I thought we could be friends, but I hadn’t anticipated running into him so soon. Three days ago, I was crying on his front porch.

Everything that I’d wanted and needed to say to him I did, but nothing was made clearer. I believed his reasons for leaving before. I didn’t like it, but I understood. It was the question of whether or not I was willing to end my relationship, which I knew was on decently solid ground, for one that may or may not blow up in my face.

“Still not many choices for dining out,” I replied. “What brings you into town?” See? I could totally maintain civility and hold a friendly conversation. Clearing the air had helped. Zero ounces of awkward.

I felt relieved that I’d told Reid about the pregnancy, but I could sense that he wanted a much deeper conversation than we were having at the moment. I wanted to tell him that despite how terrible everything had been, I’d made my peace with it. I wasn’t ready to raise a baby back then. Especially alone. Life has a way of working out the way it’s supposed to. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

“Yeah, I’m picking up lunch for everyone on the crew. They’ve started the work on the house,” he clarified. “You’ll have to come out and see it. Maybe we can talk some more about—”

“I’m actually meeting Beau.” I felt the need to disclose my reasons for being there, apart from the obvious, and stop whatever conversation Reid was trying to start. The middle of town in broad daylight was not a place where I wanted to discuss our break-up or my miscarriage. Judging from the dirt on the front of his jeans, he must have been helping the crew, and the understanding in his eyes told me that he knew it wasn’t the right time or place for us to talk. I forbid myself from imagining a scenario in which this devastatingly handsome man in front of me was participating in manual labor. The dirt, the sweat, the heavy lifting...

Well, fuck.

“Of course you are,” he said, accompanied by a soft laugh.

“We eat lunch together all the time.” I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to tell him, but I did. “It’s nice that we both work here in town. We get to see each other a lot.”

“That’s nice,” he said halfheartedly, taking a step toward me. He crossed his suntanned arms over his chest and I couldn’t help but look at just how toned and muscular they were. The shirt he was wearing was just like every other shirt he had, or at least like the few that I’d seen on him since he came back to town. Tight in all the right places, and apparently made out of some sort of hell spun fabric that made even unavailable women lose their wits. The urge to trace my fingers across the tattoos and veins running across his forearms teased my thoughts.

“It’s really nice that we get to see each other all the time,” I mumbled, trying to pull my eye from his skin.

“So you said,” he replied. He had the same mischievous look in his eye that could have gotten me in trouble when we were younger. One look from him and I was sneaking out of my house after my parents had gone to bed or cutting class to make out in the janitor’s closet. We’d never actually been caught doing anything wrong, and I had to admit the thrill of the possibility, the sneaking around, had been exhilarating. He inched a little bit closer to me and I held my breath and waited for his next move.

“Having a boyfriend that lives in the same town makes life so much easier.”

“I can imagine that it makes things... convenient.”

“It does,” I breathed out as he let his tongue lick the corner of his lips.

“I kind of prefer unpredictability though. Easy has never really been my thing.”

“I... I...” I tried to form some sort of thought, but constructing a sentence was impossible with him standing so close.

“Not knowing where or when you are going to bump into someone seems like much more fun. Like this. This is fun, right?” He bit down on his bottom lip and I damn near dropped my phone on the sidewalk. “Why so nervous, Shutterbug?”

“I’m not nervous,” I scoffed. Easy has never really been my thing. Well, no shit, Sherlock. This is exactly why I’d suggested we stay away from each other before stupidly deciding we could be friends. I was a glutton for punishment. Or at least a fool who enjoyed toying with temptation.

I refused to let myself get carried away. The thrill of our youth was gone. We were adults and we needed to behave as such. The longer he stood there in front of me, all passive aggressively sexy, the faster I built up my tolerance to his seduction. Us being friends was never going to happen, especially if he kept this up. I felt my stance stiffen and I looked him straight in the eye. I gritted my teeth as I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, and checked the screen to see if Beau was close to being here.

“I was just pointing out that my boyfriend will be here. Any second.”

“Something you don’t want him to see?” Reid reached his hands up and rested his hands against the end of the overhang I was standing under. His body stretched out in front of me once again caught my attention. There was no denying that he was attractive, and judging by the wicked grin on his face he was well aware of it.

“Why would I mind if he saw me having a conversation with a friend?”

“Oh that’s right.” He dropped his arms to his side. “We’re friends.”

“We are—” I started to say.

“For now,” he said under his breath.

“Don’t get any ideas, Travers. You’re lucky I’m even giving you a chance to be my friend.”

“You’re right,” he conceded easily. Almost too easily. “Friends is good with me.”

“Good.”

“Great.” He said, but I could hear the mocking tone of his voice. “As your friend, I have to ask,” he took in a breath, “was there really no one else you could date in this town? I mean... Beau?”

“Beau’s great,” I answered. He responded with a look of skepticism. “I mean it. Things are great between us.”

“All right.” He held up his hands to signify that he was going to back off, when we both heard a car door shut. Beau had pulled up in front of the diner, unbeknownst, to both Reid and me. “Speak of the devil.” He waggled his eyebrows at me before turning to greet Beau. “Hey, man. What’s up?”

“Just coming to meet my girl for lunch.” Beau smiled back.

“I was just telling your girl,” he started, “that I’m planning a party this weekend.”

“You were?” I guessed the actual subject of our conversation was better covered with the story Reid was now telling. “What exactly were you saying?”

“I’d said the construction crew had started on the house, but I hadn’t gotten to the part yet where I mentioned that they brought some equipment for us to use to get the track back in shape.” He turned to Beau and offered up a head shake. “This girl of yours has trouble paying attention.”

Beau laughed off his comment, but I did not. I might have had a momentary lapse in judgment where I stared a little too long at Reid, but I was paying attention now. I could see plain and clear what he was trying to do. Get under my skin. It was working. Dammit.

“So anyway,” he clapped his hands together in front of him, “thought I could invite some folks out to ride. You still ride?”

“Of course. I own a race shop. It’d be like false advertisement if I didn’t.” Beau chuckled as he slipped his arm over my shoulders.

“How about you, Nora? When was the last time you were taken for a real ride?” His gaze locked on mine.

“Actually,” I swallowed hard before I even attempted to answer his question. “I’m not much for rides anymore.”

“Ain’t that a shame?” He grinned.

“We could probably stop by,” Beau blurted out.

We could?

“Awesome,” Reid replied. “Guess I’ll see you two on Saturday then.”

Beau confirmed our acceptance of his invitation before I even had a chance to put my two cents in.

“Guess we will,” I replied, trying not to let the last five minutes of being alone with Reid change the thoughts I’d had about not still having feelings for him.

* * *

“I hope he’s not making a habit of showing up every time you’re around,” Beau said as we sat down to eat lunch. “I mean, I get it, it’s a small town, but every time I turn around there you are... talking to him.” The jealousy laced in his words was clear.

“Then why did you agree to go to the party this weekend?”

“It will be fun.” He tried to leave it at that, but I pressed it further.

“Why do you really want to go?”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“I want another chance at him,” he confessed. “I want a chance to show him that I am a competitor. He’s not as great as everyone thinks he is.”

“That’s silly.” I could see the desire to beat Reid written all over Beau’s face, but the fact was, Reid was a professional racer. Beau was a weekend rider at best. How could he have possibly thought he had a chance? I couldn’t let him see that I didn’t think he was capable of beating Reid though. “You’re two grown men, do you really need to compete. Can’t you just go and ride and have a good time?”

“Doubtful.” He reached over the table and placed his hand on top of mine. “Guys like to compete. We like winning and talking shit and things that go fast. It’s just what we do.”

“Well it’s stupid.”

“I am what I am.” He laughed.

I guess I understood his whole nature of a man argument, but I had a bad feeling about it. I used to love going to the races and watching Reid win. Even though it wasn’t me out there, I was just as excited when he won.

And the victory sex was pretty fantastic.

I had to stop letting my mind play tricks on me. Dangling thoughts of the past in front of me to torture me. Especially because I had a feeling I was going to be dragged into the middle of whatever the outcome of Beau and Reid on the track together again.

“Do you not want to go?” he asked. “Is there a reason we shouldn’t?”

“No,” I answered quickly. “I mean... no reason I can think of.” I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to tell him that I’d talked to Reid about what had happened between us, but hearing his reaction to Reid “showing up” all the time and his desire to beat him at a race made it seem like a bad time. How do you tell your boyfriend that you think you might still have feelings for an ex? I knew what it was like to have the rug pulled out from underneath you and I didn’t want to do that to him. Especially when I was still unsure about what I really wanted. Or better yet, who I wanted to be with.  “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Like a serious question.”  He nodded in response. “What kind of future do you see for us?”

“Long term?”

“I guess.” I honestly didn’t know what I meant. I’d never pictured the long term. I was doing my best with the day to day.

“The typical timeline, I guess,” he answered. “Whatever you want.” He shrugged. “Why the sudden interest?”

“I’ve just been thinking lately.”

“We could move in together if you wanted,” he suggested. I pondered the idea for about ten seconds before deciding I was nowhere close to ready to take a step like that. I envisioned myself pulling into the driveway in the subdivision on the east side of town where Beau lived. His house was nice. Recently built, with everything a girl could want—a big kitchen, decked out bathroom, walk-in closets. But as nice as it sounded, it wasn’t me that I pictured living there with him. It would have been very reassuring to my psyche if I’d been able to at least take the mental step of living with Beau.

“Yeah, maybe,” I replied. Or maybe not. I felt like an ass for not being able to give him an answer one way or another, but how could I? And, it’s not like he seemed gung-ho about the whole thing either. We could move in together and then he was eating french fries like he hadn’t just asked me to make a life altering decision. A little enthusiasm would have been nice. From either of us. I had a lot of thinking to do and neither Beau, nor Reid, was making it any easier.

After I’d eaten my feelings in the form of a bacon cheeseburger, I kissed Beau on the cheek and told him I’d call him later.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, reaching out a hand and pulling me back to him before I walked away. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” I told him while trying to remember the last time I actually felt like myself, whoever that was. “I’ll see you later,” I smiled at him before squeezing his hand once before letting go.

On one hand, I was this girl that seemed to have it all together. I had a good job, a nice boyfriend…I was content. On the other hand, I was seriously tempted to be reckless and forget about the seemingly normal life I had made for myself. To throw caution to the wind and be with Reid.

I sat in my car for a few minutes as I watched Beau drive away. Today, I was Beau’s girlfriend. Real Estate Agent. Upstanding Halstead citizen. Before that I was the dedicated college girl who’d battled depression, and an almost unwed mother. And, before that, Reid’s girlfriend. I was starting to see that the many hats I’d worn over the years were piling up and giving me a headache. Perhaps it was time to actually think about who I really wanted to be.

The sun broke through the clouds and reflected off of something stuck under my windshield wiper.  A CD case with the words PLAY ME and a smiling face written on it stared back at me. A smiling face that had witnessed the deluge of roles I’d been playing. I retrieved the CD and popped it into my player, hoping that whatever was about to come through my speakers was a voice of reason with answers to all of my life questions.  Instead, it was the voice of one John Bon Jovi telling me that he’d be there for me. The same voice that had serenaded me in my Jeep years ago. It might not have been the voice of reason, but I knew the person responsible for the impromptu promise session and contrary to what I’d thought before, I wanted to believe the sentiment of the song.

He hadn’t been joking when he said he was going to fight for me.

“We have to have the track done by Saturday,” I blurted out before I started to explain the situation I’d accidentally forced myself into. “We’re having people over to ride.”

“Ha!” Brett laughed from the cab of the skid steer he was currently sitting in. I’d waved him and my brother over from the track the second I jumped out of my truck. “I’m good on this thing, but I’m not a miracle worker, RT.”

“Well you’re going to have to be. We’re having a party and I might have invited Beau and Nora. So it has to be done.”

“How do you might have invited someone to a party?” Hoyt asked, as he continued to rake over the whoop section, which appeared to be the only part of the track that was actually able to be ridden on. We had managed to get the majority of it tilled up that morning so we had at least one thing going for us.

“Don’t worry about it.” I shook off his question. “Just worry about raking the dirt and getting this thing somewhat in riding condition in the next four days.”

“Dude,” Brett said. “Why in the world would you invite them here? I get wanting to win her back, but inviting her boyfriend out with her seems like a bad idea.”

“Well, yeah, it’s less than fucking ideal,” I bit out, hearing the levels of my frustration rise. I took a deep breath to try to stay calm. I needed to play this whole thing in a calmly manner. I couldn’t be second-guessing every move I made. Every single move I made from here on out had to be perfectly calculated. “I don’t think she would have taken me up on the option to come alone. I’ve got to work with what I’m dealt.”

Would I have rather had time alone with Nora? Absolutely. We had a lot to discuss and I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the way she’d been checking me out. The way she was looking at me today when we were standing outside the diner was not the way friends look at each other. It was probably unfair of me to flaunt what the good Lord, and hours of time on the track and in the gym, gave me in front of her the way I did, but seeing her reaction was enough to make me not care. She might have thought she was covering up her desires, but she was a terrible liar. I saw the way she held her breath and her muscles tensed when I stepped toward her. She was still attracted to me. And I was damn sure still attracted to her.

I’d spent the past few days replaying everything that had happened since I’d returned to Halstead and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how she ended up with Beau Gregurich. Then it hit me, she wasn’t dating him because she was head over heels in love. She was dating him because when you live in a town the size of Halstead, your options are limited. Beau was the means to an end. He had to be.

Now that I was back in town, I wanted her to know that the pond had another fish in it. A big, fucking fantastic fish that was willing to do whatever it took to prove to her that he regretted what happened all those years ago. If inviting Beau to my track was the only way to get to see her, then so be it. I’d manage to find time to talk to her one way or another.

“Seems risky,” Brett interjected. “Having them here together. One whiff of you making a play for her and he’s going to forbid her from seeing you or some shit. You should play the friend card a little longer.”

“She’s not in love with him. She’s in love with me. I can see it. I can feel it.”

Hoyt and Brett both looked at me like I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had, but that didn’t change what I knew to be true.

“She sure looked in love when he was groping her out in the parking lot,” Brett reminded me.  He’d reported back to me that he’d seen the two of them when he’d went out for a cigarette. “Looked like she was rather enjoying herself if you ask me.”

“I don’t care what you saw,” I told him. “Things are different now. There was… stuff… in the past I didn’t know about. We’ve talked and I know that she’s just scared. I have to convince her not to be.”  There was a tiny bit of doubt that what Brett witnessed had meant something, but I’d convinced myself that it meant nothing. At least to me. Even if Nora thought she was in love with Beau, I knew that what they had couldn’t even compare to what we had. And, as many times as I heard her say she was with Beau, she’d never once said she was in love with him. I needed to talk to her, and in a setting that allowed for more than just some witty banter and the exchange of a few heated glances.

“Four days,” I reminded them as I walked over to the backhoe. I didn’t have time to explain to them what my plan was. Besides, even if I wanted to, I didn’t quite have it figured out myself. I had four days to rebuild a track and come up with the exact right thing to say to her to make her see that she needed to give me a chance to be more than just her friend.

I might not have been planning to stick around Halstead for too long, but we could make it work. We were older now. Wiser. I’d put in the effort to make it work if she’d just give me a chance.

* * *

I pulled on my boots on Saturday morning, making sure my race pants were securely tucked down in them, and buckled them tight. I felt the nervous energy that I usually reserved for an actual race coursing through my veins.

Tonight was the night I was going to talk to her for more than five minutes. Tonight was the night I laid it all on the line. There was a chance that I was going to end up alone in a cabin in the middle of the woods, but it was a chance I had to take.

You’re Reid Travers. You win.

Looking in the mirror that morning, I tried to remind myself that what I was saying in my head was true, it wasn’t until I pulled my bike out onto the track that I started to believe it. The peacefulness of the morning was as undisturbed as the dirt on the freshly sculpted and settled track. The same track where I’d learned to be great. Where I’d learned that hard work and dedication can absolutely pay off.  I would put in the same dedication to winning back Nora and the second I felt my tires bite down in the turn and shoot me onto the straight away I knew that I’d get her back.

I stayed on my bike until my brother forced me to get off and help get everything set up for the party. It wasn’t much—a few coolers and dragging the grill off the porch of the cabin. Burgers and beer for all. A part of me really wanted to pop open a bottle and numb a little bit of the tension I was feeling, but I didn’t drink when I was riding and I planned on putting on one hell of a show today.

“So what’s the game plan?” Hoyt asked.

“Well for starters,” I chuckled, just thinking about how this was all going to play out, “I’m going to remind Beau Gregurich why he never made it on the pro-circuit. And then I’m thinking when he’s good and pissed off about that, I’ll sneak away with Nora so I can tell her how I feel.”

“Could work.” Hoyt shrugged. “If you weren’t my brother I’d totally think you were a dick, by the way.”

“Ouch.” I slapped my hand over my heart. “Good thing you’re my brother then.”

“I just hope you’re really doing this for the right reasons.” Always the rational one. “I mean, I know you cared about her, but what you’re about to do is some serious shit. This isn’t a competition. It’s people’s lives and emotions. You sure she’s the one?” Not only was he rational, he was apparently a big ole softie. I appreciated his concern, and I had thought about the ramifications if this didn’t work out the way I’d hoped.

“I’m sure,” I promised. “I know it might seem like a dick move, but I can’t just stand by and watch her waste her life with Beau. You know as well as I do that he’s probably only with her because she was mine in the first place.”

“Very possible.”

“But if there is even the slightest chance that she’s willing to give me an in, I’m going to take it.”

“Well, let’s see what happens,” Hoyt said, nodding his head toward the roadway that led back to where we were standing. A convoy of trucks and trailers, all filled with bikes and four wheelers, was making its way toward us. Easily a hundred plus people. “I don’t think we have enough food.”

“I seriously only called like ten people,” I promised Hoyt.

“I might have invited a few more people,” Brett’s voice called out from the porch. Hoyt and I both turned to find him standing there with a smile. “Gotta love Facebook.”