Текст книги "Throttled"

Автор книги: Elizabeth Lee

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“Yeah. Okay.” He grabbed on to the papers I was holding up and looked to his brother, who already had pulled a pen from his back pocket. Just like Hoyt. Always prepared, always one step ahead.  Even as a kid, he’d always been waiting in the pits for Reid with a bottle of water and some aspirin.

While Reid was opening the folder on the seat of his dirt bike, the other rider stepped forward.

“The illustrious Nora,” he said, reaching out to shake my hand. “We finally meet. Brett Sallinger.” Brett smiled, making his eyes crinkle. The swagger that followed Brett Sallinger was hard to miss. From his long, muscular build to his messy, blond hair and blue eyes—he looked like trouble. But not the same kind of trouble as Reid who was threatening to stare a hole through me as he flipped through the pages.

“Nice to meet you,” I responded politely, wondering how he knew who I was. I knew who Brett Sallinger was. I’d be lying if I hadn’t heard Beau mention his name. While these guys were off on the motocross circuit, my boyfriend Beau had opened a race shop in Halstead. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to escape dirt bikes in one way or another. I hardly ever went into his shop and the mention of Reid Travers’ name seemed to evoke more negativity from Beau than me. We both just pretended that he never existed. But I couldn’t pretend anymore. Not when he was standing within arms’ reach.

“Anything fun going on in Halstead tonight?” Brett said, breaking my gaze from where Reid and his brother were reading the fine print.

Stop staring at him.

“There’s rarely anything fun going on in Halstead,” I said, a soft laugh escaping my lips. The town I lived in was not known for its booming nightlife. We all barely managed to stay entertained as it was.

“Hmm.” Brett looked disappointed, but before he could say anything else Reid was standing beside me with the signed documents.

“You giving her a hard time?”

“Settle down, RT,” Brett answered. “I was just asking your girl here if there was anything going on in town tonight.”

“I’m not—” I tried to counter his insinuation that I was anything belonging to Reid.

“She said no,” Brett quickly added. “Zero amounts of fun to be had.” He shook his head and offered up an exaggerated look of disappointment.

“Well, let’s see if we can’t change that,” Reid suggested, a devilish grin sat on his lips. “You up for a little fun, Shutterbug?”

Just hearing him refer to me as “Shutterbug” made my blood boil. The cutesy nickname he’d given me when we were young and I had a camera permanently tethered around my neck. We were not on a nickname, friendly basis and he shouldn’t have been pretending we were. Who was he to come back to my town and disrupt my life? Reid Travers could get back on that dirt bike and ride it off a cliff for all I cared.

“No thank you.” I bit back the sarcasm that was threatening to tear from my lips, but it wasn’t missed by any of them.

“Ease up, Reid,” Hoyt warned as his brother.

“Your loss,” Reid finally said as he handed me the signed deed, holding it tightly as I tried to pull it away. “I’m a lot more fun now than I used to be. I can promise you that.”

“Yeah, well, you can keep your fun. I’ve been entertaining myself for years,” I said, yanking the papers from his hand. I turned to walk away as his brother and friend gave a collective “oohhh” and a laugh to compliment my burn, but I couldn’t join in the fun.

It took everything I had not to look back over my shoulder and see if I’d wounded him. Even seeing the tiniest bit of pain on his face would have made me feel better, but I didn’t. He didn’t deserve a second look.

When I first saw her standing there, I thought I was hallucinating. Hell, maybe I’d fallen off my bike and hit my head just one too many times.

Pieces of her hair blowing in the breeze. Her hair was darker than I remembered—somewhere between blond and brown depending on how the sunlight hit it, but I’d recognize her anywhere. Her big blue eyes cutely squinting into the sunlight when she finally looked in my direction. That sweet little heart shaped face I loved to cradle in my hands before I took her mouth with mine. It was her, all right. The girl I’d just been thinking about had manifested in front of me as if my daydreams from only a few moments ago had summoned her. I knew it wasn’t a dream when I saw her lips purse and she huffed out a breath of frustration that showed she hadn’t been looking forward to seeing me. Guess I deserved it. But the past was the past, surely she could understand that what happened back then honestly had nothing to do with her.

I looked her up and down as she stated her purpose for actually being there. Looks like the wild child I knew had grown up and become a real estate agent. I’d never imagined her doing something so... business-y. The girl I knew loved to be outside and living in the moment. Looks like she’d decided to take the boring route after I left. She even drives a boring car with a boring color. Not the vibrant girl I remember who loved to drive her rusty old Jeep around with the top off.

Her very professional look was doing something to me that I hadn’t expected, though. I’d always pictured her in cut-offs and a tank top, like she wore in the summers when we were kids, but the polished look was good on her. The white sleeveless silk button down tucked into her fitted black skirt, coupled with the way she had her hair pulled back and the nude heels that wrapped around her feet evoked images of her starring in my very own hot teacher/librarian fantasy. But, no such luck. The second she opened her mouth I knew she was all business. There’d be no eighties’ music video reenactments this afternoon.

“I need a corporate signature,” she’d said, after leaving me with a “fine” when I asked how she was doing. I don’t know what I expected. Her to hug me and tell me that it was good to see me? Our last time together hadn’t ended on a high note. We’d stood in almost the exact same spot we were standing in just now and I told her that I was moving and I didn’t think we should see each other anymore. They were the hardest words I’d ever had to let roll off my tongue in my life. I’d caught her off guard, but she didn’t even give me a chance to explain that I was breaking up with her because it wasn’t fair to either of us not to.

“Have a great life, Reid,” she’d said. I still remember her words hitting me like they were dipped in acid, burning straight through my skin and leaving a permanent scar on my heart. She hopped in her car and left me standing in a cloud of dust. So, yeah, I deserved the resting bitch face she was slinging my way.

When Brett started talking to her, the pang of jealousy I felt when he managed to wrestle a small smile from her with this southern charm had me gritting my teeth. That little dimple she had on her left cheek when she smiled presented itself and I had to fight back the urge to rest my lips against it like I used to.

Why did she have to be so fucking gorgeous?

Nora Bennett was, and always would be, the prettiest girl I’d ever laid eyes on. I knew that at fifteen when I’d asked her to be my girlfriend. There was never a shortage of attractive women on the motocross circuit—from track chicks to super models, but none of them held a candle to her. Seeing her again was like casing a jump and having reality slam you into the ground.

But it was different now. I couldn’t very well throw her over my shoulder and beat my chest like a caveman. I’d lost my right to claim her a long time ago. Actually, I’d given it up. She wasn’t my girl anymore, despite what I was feeling.

“Real smooth,” my brother teased as we watched her drive away, I could just make out the taillights through the cloud of dust her dark gray Subaru was making. “She got out of here like her ass was on fire.”

“Maybe she was trying to get away from you two clowns,” I rebutted. But I knew better. I’d made some stupid comment and run her off, when I should have been groveling just to talk to her. I should have asked for a chance to apologize for the way things ended between us. My brother served as a good sounding board from time to time, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to admit that to Brett. As much as we razzed each other, the last thing I wanted to do was give him ammo. “Especially Sally over here… ‘The illustrious Nora,’” I mocked. “What the hell was that?”

“That was my way of letting her know that you think about her all the time,” he replied. “Pretty smooth if I do say so myself. You. Are. Welcome,” he smiled cheekily.

“You. Are. Insane,” I laughed, I had to—to save face and all that. “I don’t think about her all the time.” I couldn’t remember the last time I talked about her. “I don’t recall having any conversations about her with you.”

“Dude, seriously.” He ran a hand through his shaggy blonde hair and pushed it from his face. “And, I said you think about her all the time. Not talk.” He had me there. I did think about her. How could I not? She was the first girl I ever loved. Maybe it made me a chick, but she had a special place in my heart. Not to mention she was fine as fuck and God help me, I would never forget the first time I got to actually fuck her. Or the second. Or third. Or any of the times for that matter… everyone since had sort of fallen… short.

“You do,” Hoyt agreed when I looked to him for some brotherly support. “Think about her.”

Traitor.

Brett continued, “I’ve known you for what, eight, nine years now? Every time her name is mentioned or someone talks about having a girlfriend or settling down, you get this pussified look on your face and we all know exactly who you’re thinking about. Hell, when you first moved to Texas, every time you stayed over and you saw one of my mom’s Nora Roberts books sitting on the coffee table, you’d rub your finger over her name on the cover for a good ten minutes. Remember that?”

“I remember throwing a book at your head on more than one occasion.”

“Pretty sure you gave him a black eye once,” Hoyt interjected. He held up his hand for a fist bump and I couldn’t leave him hanging.

“You did,” he confirmed. “But do you remember why exactly?”

“No.” I had given Brett a black eye on more than one occasion. That’s just what guys do. We beat each other up sometimes for shits and giggles and then we move on with our lives.

“The first time was because I suggested that you hook up with someone else to get her out of your system. The second time was because I asked if you’d left your dick back in Illinois and had any plans of retrieving it.” He held up his hands defensively, when I took a step toward him. I was starting to remember exactly why I hurled that book at his head. I clenched my fists and kept my hand at my side. “And the black eye incident we were just speaking of was a result of me joking about taking a trip to Halstead and getting a piece of whatever ass was responsible for turning you inside out.” He kept his hands up.

He left out the part where he’d said, “She must be one hell of a fuck if you’re still this worked up over her. I really need some of that in my life.” I remembered though. It had pissed me off then and just remembering it now apparently had the same effect all these years later. No one got away with talking about Nora that way. Not even my best friend.

“Not that I ever would have,” Brett insisted. “I was just busting your chops.”

“Like she would have given you the time of day,” Hoyt said. Guess blood was thicker than water after all.

“For the record, I have hooked up with other girls,” I tried to steer the conversation away from me beating the shit out of Brett.

“Barely. You only take a girl home when your hand isn’t getting the job done. I’ve seen you grip handlebars. You can go months just whipping it in the shower.”

I rolled my eyes and walked back over to my bike. This conversation was going nowhere, and fast. Brett didn’t know the first thing about my sex life. Okay, maybe he did. I was happy to play wingman for him and my brother. They took girls home all the time. I hardly ever did. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to, but it was hard to find a girl that even held my interest for more than two seconds. The selection of vapid track bunnies just didn’t do it for me. I wanted someone that was capable of holding a conversation, and who understood exactly what my career demanded of me. The last thing I wanted to deal with was some clingy chick calling me every minute of the day. I’d told myself that it was because I was training or that I didn’t want to give a girl the wrong impression or have some crazy bunny boiler fucking up my career, but I think I always knew deep down that it was more than that. I’d been waiting for a girl like Nora. Or, by the way my heart is racing by seeing her now, Nora in particular.

“What’s your point, Sally?” I asked.

“My point is you’re still hung up her.”

“We dated years ago,” I countered but couldn’t deny it. I took in a breath and calmed my nerves. I knew that Brett would never make a play for Nora, and Hoyt was right. She has way better taste than that. “I was just a dumb kid. What was I supposed to do? Keep dating a girl that lived a dozen hours away? Give up my chance at professional racing for high school love?”

“Look man, I’m not saying that you should go ask her to marry you, but maybe while we’re here, you could clear the air. Let her know that you’ve thought about her over the years. Maybe a fling with her will be enough to get you through the next seven years.”

“Now, why would I do that? I was the one that broke up with her.”

“Yeah, but the way she was looking at you and the way she stormed out when you talked to her... I’d say you’re not the only one with unresolved feelings.”

I looked at my brother, who offered up a shrug. Anticipation bubbled in my chest just like it did before a race.

Fuck me, but it was hope. I had hope of at least seeing Nora again. No… I had hope for way more than that.

Maybe Brett was right. Maybe I did owe it to myself, and to her, to find out exactly what those unresolved feelings were. If nothing else, maybe I could get some karma points for making amends.

* * *

After we squared away our living situation for the next three months—Hoyt and I would be bunking up in the little cabin that sat on the back edge of the property, while Brett did whatever it was that Brett did in his Airstream of Sin—we decided to grab showers and head into town for some dinner.  Hoyt had suggested we stock the fridge and get a good night’s sleep because we had to meet the construction crew bright and early the next morning, but Brett quickly threw out a veto.

“I just spent the last twelve hours driving to the middle of nowhere. I’m getting a drink and laid tonight and I don’t care in which order,” he’d said with fervor. I was torn. On one hand, I was exhausted. On the other, the possibility of seeing Nora again had me unable to think straight. And now that I knew she was still in town, I knew that on a Friday night, the chances of seeing her at one of the two bars in town were high.

“We can’t very well turn him loose in Halstead alone.” I laughed as I followed Brett to his truck. Letting Brett go into town alone would inevitably result in one of two things. One, he’d end up in jail. Two, he’d end up hitting on the wrong girl and end up in a fight, which would probably still end with us picking him up at the County Sheriff’s office. I sure as shit didn’t feel like posting his bail… or seeing Sheriff Harden again—if he was even still the Sheriff around here. It was just as easy to go with him and stop him from stirring up trouble to begin with. Plus... Nora. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since she’d hauled ass down the lane.

When we pulled onto the town square and found a parking spot outside of Vera’s Tavern, Brett practically jumped out of the Expedition and skipped to the door. I, on the other hand, took a minute to look around. Not a damn thing had changed. A few of the businesses that I remembered were gone, but as a whole, it was still the same. A large gazebo sat on a grassy lot at the center of the square. A few pieces of park equipment were to the left and a large concrete slab that served as dance floor during the town’s annual Founders’ Day Picnic to the right. If I hadn’t been going into the bar to drink beer I would have thought I’d somehow stepped into a time machine.

I held her hand walking down these streets many times. I’d kissed her on the dance floor in front of the whole town one night. We’d made memories that didn’t seem to want to let up their constant replay in my head.

“You coming?” my brother asked when he saw me staring off into space. I’d gotten pretty good at getting lost in my own thoughts over the past twelve hours.

“Yep.” I nodded and followed him inside. Brett had already ordered a bucket of Miller Lite and had secured us a high top table to the left of the bar. The sticky floors and stale beer smell was exactly what I had always imagined Vera’s was like on the inside. I was still underage when we moved and never did venture into any of Halstead’s hotspots.  A few of the bar patrons looked our way, but didn’t give us a second look once we sat down and started drinking. That was the nice thing about motocross. On the circuit we were recognized, but we could still live a pretty normal life in the outside world. It was only occasionally that a fan recognized us and that was fine by me. The only place I cared about being recognized was on a track.

We ordered from the small offering of Vera’s menu and within the hour we’d consumed burgers, cheese balls, and an order of loaded nachos. Coating your stomach with greasy bar food was the best way to avoid a hangover, right? That’s what I told myself when we ordered our second bucket of beer. To be honest, I needed the alcohol to stop the nervous anticipation of seeing Nora again. At least if she didn’t show by the end of the night, I’d be too drunk to remember.

“What do you mean Reid’s back?” Georgia wanted a play-by-play of my meeting with RTR Incorporated. I’d already replayed the encounter on a continuous loop in my head the entire drive home, so I was familiar with the storyline. “Like… back for good?”

“Who knows? I’m betting no, but he’s here for now,” I answered as I changed out of my work clothes. I suggested to Georgia that we stay in for our “Sister Date.” Ice cream, pajamas and a Netflix marathon sounded like a much more appealing evening to me, but she wasn’t having it.

“What happened? Did you talk to him?” She rambled on, tucking a piece of her chin-length bob behind her ear. The two of us looked alike, but her hair was shorter and blond. My hair used to be closer to Georgia’s shade, but I let the highlights go a long time ago—along with a whole lot of everything else. “Is he hotter now? I mean, I was young when he left, but he was hot then. He’s got to be hotter, right?”

“He’s something,” I mumbled. Of course he was hotter. Unbearably hotter. Thinking about the way I looked at him when we were teenagers, it seemed impossible that he could get better looking, but damn did he ever. “I mean, he looks the same I guess. More muscles. Maybe a little taller.” My lips went dry as I described the returned version of Reid Travers. “Oh, and he has tattoos now.” Visions of the ink that wrapped around his midsection and arms when I got that too-brief glimpse of his mid-section drew out a sigh from deep in my chest. “Like a lot of them.”

“And how exactly did you see said tattoos?”

“I had to go out to his property,” I answered. I could tell by the look on her face that she assumed I’d went running out there the second I heard he was back in town. “For work.”

“Sure you did,” she teased. “It’s not every day the love of your life comes back to town.”

“Love of my life? No.” I shook my head. “I swear.” I went on to explain exactly how my afternoon had played out. “He purchased the land his parents sold,” I said. “Believe me, the last person I thought I’d see today was Reid. I can’t even tell you the last time I thought about him. And, yeah, I may have loved him a long time ago, but that ship has long sailed off.”

“Really?” Her skepticism was evident. “You never think about him? Not even when you’re wearing one of the five-hundred Fox Racing T-shirts you own? Or when you just happened to be “flipping through” the photo albums you left at mom and dad’s house? Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Nora. I know you better than you think I do.”

“I may...” I hesitated, “on occasion, look at Mom’s albums. And a T-shirt is a T-shirt. I sleep in them. That’s it.” Georgia’s astute observation of my behavior was alarming. I’d be buying new pajamas immediately. And, the photo albums, well those were special. I’d taken most of the pictures that filled the pages. Back when I thought a camera and Reid Travers were all I’d ever need. Before I grew up and realized that young love was a learning experience and nothing else. I’d learned how to avoid getting my heart broken among other things. When he left, I retired from photography. I just didn’t seem to have the drive to do it anymore. Especially when my favorite subject was racing and the guy that served as the model in the majority of my pictures left me crying and confused.

“Okay.” Georgia said from her perched spot on the edge of my bed. The two of us had rented a little house a couple years ago. Our parents argued that neither of us needed to move out. The two-story house we’d grown up in did have room for us, but no privacy. At least not the kind of privacy two twenty-something young women should have. Mom said, “You should stay so you can save your money. Or at least wait until you’re married.” I think she thought that at least I would be settled down by now. I kind of did too, but I just hadn’t had that itch to get married yet like most of my friends had. I was content living with my sister and just having a boyfriend. Wedding bells would ring one day, but not in the near future as far as I could tell.

“Okay, what?”

“Nothing. Please, continue describing this new delicious sounding version of Reid Travers.” She smiled sweetly. “And keep denying the obvious,” she added with a wink.

“I don’t know about delicious and I’m not denying anything.” He was definitely fun to look at, I’d give him that. But, that didn’t change anything between us. “He’s still the same guy that dumped me. And with no reason, I might add. Just because I like to reminisce every now and then doesn’t mean I want to get back together with him.”

“It doesn’t?” She raised her eyebrows. “You sure about that?” I didn’t even bother answering. Instead I picked up the towel I’d used that morning and proceeded to throw it at her head.

“Okay, I’ll quit,” she giggled as she pulled the towel from her head. “It was shitty,” she agreed. “The dumping part. He was moving, though, and you were not. Maybe that was his reason.”

“Whose side are you on?”

“Yours. I’m just saying I don’t think he broke up with you because he didn’t care about you.”

“Well, he had a really bad way of showing it.” I pulled a coral sundress over my head and turned to face her as I zipped it up the side. “I’m leaving for Texas tomorrow, Nore,” I started to repeat verbatim what Reid had said to me on the last day we spoke, deepening my voice for added exaggeration. I’d replayed that day over and over for years. I knew it by heart. “I don’t think this thing between us is going to work out. I have to focus on racing.”

“He was eighteen.”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes as I pulled my hair to the side and braided it loosely. A quick slick of gloss across my lips and some mascara finished off my carefree look, even if I was anything but. “He just blindsided me with it. I had no say in the matter and we dated for three years. That’s the best he could do? He never called, texted, emailed. Nothing. Just good-bye.”

“Well he’s back now. Maybe he has something more to say.” Georgia was always the peacekeeper. She wanted everyone to get along and be nice. I, on the other hand, didn’t have a problem with confrontation. If someone pissed me off, I was going to let them know about it. It was exactly why I left Reid standing in a cloud of dust the day he dumped me. Asshole. Served him right.

“Oh yeah, he’s matured so much,” I scoffed. “Gave me some stupid line about having a little fun together. As if I’d let that happen. He had his chance and he screwed it up.”

“So much hostility for someone who’s moved on,” she teased.

“And, Lord knows what, or better yet, who he’s been doing since he’s been gone,” I continued as if she hadn’t spoken.

“Would that make you jealous?” she asked. “If he’d been with other women?”

“Are you ready to go?” I asked, trying to ignore her question. The pang of envy I felt inside when I thought about him with someone else was there, but I wasn’t going to fan the tiny flame burning inside of me. Of course, I was hostile. I shed a lot tears and screamed a lot of empty cries into the air when he left. He’d destroyed my seventeen-year-old heart and I couldn’t just completely let it go. I’d always have to carry a piece of that hurt with me in one way or another.

“Yep. Let’s get out of here!” she lilted as she raced me to the front door. “Nora,” she said, turning to face me as walked down the sidewalk to the car. “Can I make a suggestion?”

“I guess,” I smiled with a shrug, knowing that she was going to make a suggestion whether I approved it or not.

“If you happen to see Reid again while he’s in town, maybe don’t read him the riot act right off the bat. People do change. It’s been a long time. He deserves a chance to apologize.”

“It’s not like it matters,” I countered. Georgia was right about people changing. I was not the same girl that he knew back then. “I don’t need his apology to move on with my life. I’ve already moved on and I’m doing just fine.”

“Your call.” She gave a smile as we climbed into the car. “But it might do you some good to actually close that door, Nora. Sometimes we hang on to things even when we think we aren’t.”

“I have closed that door. I have a career and I have boyfriend. I’ve created a life for myself without him,” I argued.

“So you felt nothing when you saw him again?” she said pointedly.

“Yeah, I felt something. Anger. Bitter. Homicidal.”

“Like I said, just a suggestion,” she said, giving me a look that said she’d back off. Thank goodness. I’d talked enough about Reid to last me a lifetime.

Sweet Georgia. Her intentions were always well meaning and I could understand her motivation. She’d lost the man she loved at a very young age. I know she had a list of should-haves—things she’d wished she’d said to him or experience with him—but my history with Reid was different. When Georgia took my hand as I was driving, I felt lucky to have a sister that cared about me and my happiness as much as Georgia did.

“Fine,” I breathed out before looking at her. “If I see him and he asks to talk, I will hear him out. Happy?”

With a giddy smile and nod of her head, she leaned over and turned the radio up. Well, I made my sister happy today. I just really hoped that I didn’t have to make good on my promise to Georgia in the foreseeable future.

* * *

Georgia and I ended up murdering a pizza at Carlino’s before we settled in at The Pub for drinks. We’d discussed the possibility of Vera’s first, but I recognized the black Expedition parked out front when we drove by. I neglected to tell Georgia that I’d seen it parked at Reid’s earlier on the chance that she’d push her talk-to-Reid agenda. Not that she would have to, he walked through the door not an hour after we’d started to enjoy ourselves.

“Holy shit, you weren’t kidding,” Georgia gave me a wide-eyed grin when she saw him in the flesh. “He looks good,” she said, drawing out her last word like her stare as he, Hoyt and Brett found three empty barstools. Thankfully, they didn’t see us.

“I never said—”

“Hey!” Georgia yelled out over the band that was playing on the small stage. The bar was loud—a typical Friday night filled with live music and people ready to unwind from a long week. I was just trying to unwind from a long day. When no one from Reid’s group seemed to notice my sister, I thought maybe, just maybe, I’d make it the rest of the evening with him not noticing I was there. But then Georgia stood up and waved her hand in their direction as she called out again. “Hey! Travers!”

So much for that.

“What are you doing?” I kicked her under the table. “I... I’m not—”

“Hush,” she warned. “I just want to say hi.”

Hoyt was the first to see us and waved back before tapping his brother on the shoulder to point out my semi-flailing sister. I took a drink. Actually, I took at long drink from my Jack and Coke as they ordered their drinks and proceeded to make their way over to where we were sitting. I was going to kill my sister when this was all said and done.

Hoyt and Brett led the charge, but all I could see was Reid getting closer and closer. As he moved through the crowd of people, I could feel my body starting to react to his presence. The fitted polo shirt he was wearing was nice, but I couldn’t seem to focus on that when he was wearing the hell out of his jeans. Each and every inch of him seemed to be sending a signal straight to my libido, from the top of his perfectly chaotic head of hair to his insanely handsome face and down his body that had already stoked the fire that only he seemed to light inside of me. My heart picked up its pace as I tried to steady my breathing. I’d caught myself holding it in when we made eye contact. His gaze hit me like darts and I had to force myself to look away.

What in the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I put my glass to my lips and drank back the tiny bit that remained in my glass. None of this made sense. I had honestly thought that I was over him. I had a boyfriend. Not to mention, I hated Reid for breaking my heart and leaving me alone to deal with so much. Apparently, I only mentally hated him. My body, on the other hand, was a big fan. My physical reaction to him was apparently out of my damn control.