Текст книги "Throttled"

Автор книги: Elizabeth Lee

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“Is that right?” she asked, skeptically.

“Sure is.” I nodded “Some choices damn near kill you and just when you think you can live with them, that you can finally stand to live with what you’ve done, you see something that knocks you right back down.”

“Well that’s your problem,” she said.  Her eyes stared down at her desk and pushed a pen with her finger.

“It’s our problem, Nora,” I said. Her eyes darted to mine. “I know you still think about me.”  She started to shake her head, but I kept pressing her. I pointed at the ribbon on the board. “I know you’ve thought about what it would be like if I came back.”

“Maybe I used to,” she reached up and tugged the ribbon from the board. The tack holding it in place fell to the floor. “Ancient history.” She held the ribbon out to me and when I didn’t take it she pressed it against my chest. “I’m over it.”

“No you’re not.” I trapped her hand underneath mine and stood to face her. “You feel my heart beating right now,” I said, moving her hand directly over my heart. “You feel how fast it’s racing. I bet yours is beating just as fast.”

“It’s not,” she assured me, but the second I stepped toward her and closed the feet between us, I moved my fingers to her wrist.

“I can feel it,” I told her, pressing her pulse point. “After all these years we still have an effect on each other.” I smiled and moved us until her back was resting against her office wall. Her lips parted as she sucked in a breath when I placed my free hand on the wall beside her. “I still make your heart race.” I leaned and brushed my lips just below her ear. “I still know what makes you tick. What turns you on.” A quiet moan broke from her lips. I released my hand from around her wrist and dropped it to the hem of her dress, dusting my fingertips up her thigh. The blood rushed to my dick and it pulsed against my zipper. “I still know what makes you wet,” I whispered into her ear, my lips grazing the tip of her ear lobe.

“Reid, please,” she pleaded.

“I know you want me to kiss you right now,” I said, rubbing my thumb over her bottom lip. It was taking a lot of willpower not to kiss her. She appeared to be exerting the same restraint. Her lips remaining still as she inhaled through her nose.

“We can’t,” she said, as I pressed my body up against her so she could feel exactly what I meant when I said she still had an effect on me. Even though I wanted to, I couldn’t press her any further. I wouldn’t do that to her.

“No we can’t,” I said, taking a step back. I wasn’t going to be the other guy in this scenario and as much as I wanted to kiss her right there, I’d wait. “But we could. All you have to do is make a choice.” I took the ribbon from her hand and crouched down to retrieve the pushpin that had fallen to the floor. As I was standing back up, I dragged the edge of the ribbon up the outside of her leg and looked up just in time to see her close her eyes as she tried to swallow the sensation. “It’s there whether you are willing to admit it or not.” I centered the ribbon on her board and pushed the tack in. “Why don’t you come and see me when you’re finally ready to acknowledge that we are far from strangers,” I added before walking out of her office and leaving her speechless. The ball was in her court now, and I had a feeling she’d be passing it back sooner rather than later.

He walked out of my office, but not before he turned to look over his shoulder to give me one last look. A look that was a mix of desire and desperation. I wanted to follow him. To push him against the wall and show him that I had missed the feel of his hands and lips on me. I wanted to not be the rational, responsible, off-the-market me that I was, and admit the many things I’d been thinking since he’d returned to Halstead. Including making a reality of my reoccurring dreams I’d been having about him. Images of the two of us in my office would surely replace the track and what we did on his dirt bike would happen on my desk now.

Damn dreams.

But, it wouldn’t do me a bit of good to actually make a choice like he suggested. If I ended things with Beau and chose to be with him I’d just end up alone when he left me again. My heart broken into a million pieces. I’d barely managed to put the one I had back together.

When my boss returned, I told him that I had a few errands to run and houses to ready for showings and that I’d be out of the office the rest of the day. Best part of being a realtor was how easy it was to get out of the office when you needed to. I would have used any excuse to get away from what just happened in there. I tried to sit back down at my desk and pretend he hadn’t just been there, but all I could sense was him. The rough feel of his fingertips against my skin and the heat of his breath on my neck. I could smell the scent of him with every breath I took. He tainted my office with his virility.

“What are you doing home?” Georgia asked when I walked in the door, slamming it behind me. “And, whoa... let’s not break the door off the hinges.”

“Sorry,” I huffed, throwing my purse on the coffee table and falling on to the sofa.

“Rough day?” She surmised. The eye roll and shake of my head were enough to let her know the answer. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Well too bad,” she said, sitting down to face me, her legs tucked underneath of her. “I’ve got thirty minutes before I leave for work and I’m not going until I know that you are in a better mood.”  Georgia worked as a volunteer at the hospital. It wasn’t enough for her to just go to nursing school, she also spent every waking minute at the hospital. Even after my parents told her that they would pay for her education and that she should focus on her studies, she refused to quit working. “It’s good practice,” she had told them, even though all she did was check patients in and a bunch of other trivial things. I knew the real reason that she kept working and going to school was because if she sat idle for too long, she started missing Jamie and thinking about the future they were supposed to have together. “It will look good on job applications, and when I do my clinical hours there I’ll already be familiar with everything,” she’d added and managed to convince us all that she wasn’t just using it as an excuse to keep busy.

“Reid showed up at my office this morning,” I finally gave in and told her. Her puppy dog eyes and eagerness to help me solve my problems—and avoid thinking about hers—was too much.

“And...”

“And, he is refusing to leave me alone.”

“How does that make you feel?” she asked.

“Switching your major to Psychology, Dr. Bennett?” I chuckled, and sat up to face her.

“I might. You alone could keep me in business.”

“Very funny,” I deadpanned.

“Let’s continue our session,” she said, pretending to open a notebook and readied her imaginary pen. “You were getting ready to explain how it made you feel that Reid is being persistent.”

“If you must know, it made me angry. And sad. And kind of turned on,” I admitted, feeling guilty as the words rolled off my tongue. The heat that swept my face had to be a tell-tell sign that having this discussion was making me uncomfortable.

“Let’s talk about the turned on part,” she pressed on, ignoring my embarrassment.

“Do we have to?”

“I’m the therapist, remember?”

“Fine. He was all up in my face, telling me how he knew that I still had feelings for him,” I explained. “I didn’t know if I wanted to slap him or kiss him or both. He’s messing with my head. He really needs to just go away,” I groaned. He was messing with me awake and asleep now. I considered telling Georgia about my dreams, but her inner therapist would have had a field day with that information and I was already regretting the discussion we were having. It felt weird to talk about these things, especially when I was talking about doing them with someone who wasn’t my boyfriend.

“So you can pretend like you don’t have feelings for him?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I still do. What does that matter, though? I’m with Beau. Reid dumped me, plain and simple. I don’t think I can forgive him for that.”

“You don’t think you can? Or you don’t want to?” she asked. Her therapy game was a little too spot on. “There’s a difference.”

“I don’t want him to hurt me again,” I confessed. “You know how I was when he left. You know what it did to me that he just left and never looked back.”

“I do.” She reached over and rested her hand on my shoulder. “But I also know, from personal experience,” she added. “What it’s like to leave things unsaid and unfinished.” I knew she was referring to her not telling Jamie that she didn’t want him to join the service. It was his dream to follow in his father’s footsteps and join the Army, but it wasn’t hers. The second he enlisted, she’d been sick to her stomach with worry, and I knew that she felt like if she’d just asked him to stay, to go to college or get a regular job instead, he might still be alive.

“You think we’re unfinished?” The thought that we were anything but finished was threatening to crumble the wall of finality that I’d built up when it came to him. Between wondering what it would be like to be with him again and the actual physical presence of him, Reid was like a wrecking ball. Hell bent on making me feel things I didn’t think I wanted to feel.

“I can’t answer that.” She frowned. “I wish I had all the answers for you, but it’s your decision to make. Whether you tell him how he hurt you and tell him to piss off for good, or you give him a second chance, it’s your call. I just don’t want you to regret not knowing... whatever the outcome is.”

“You’re right,” I admitted. If nothing else, maybe explaining to him how I felt when he left would get him to back off this redemption mission he was on. Did I have any other choice but to tell him how he’d crushed me? Did I have to revisit those feelings of everything that happened when he was gone? There was so much more to the story and I wasn’t sure I could handle a retelling. “I guess I never really planned on ever seeing him again, you know?”

“Yeah. But he’s here and he wants a second chance.”

“I just don’t know if I’m really ready to give him one.” We sat in silence for a moment, neither of us having the answers to my current conundrum. “I’m going for a run,” I said, standing up. I couldn’t sit here any longer with my thoughts. At least if I was running I could burn some calories while I tried to figure out what I was going to do.

* * *

A half-hour into my run, I realized that in my hurry to get out of the house, I’d forgotten to grab a water bottle and decided to make a pit stop at my parents for hydration. Imagine my surprise when I rounded the corner on my normal route to see Reid’s truck sitting in my parents’ driveway.

Son of a bitch.

He was relentless, I’d give him that much. My inclination to run on by and find a drink somewhere else was beaten only by my curiosity. Surely he didn’t think he was going to get to me through my parents. They knew what happened between us. Well... some of it. They saw how upset I’d been. He could be as sweet and charming as he wanted, but there was no way they were going to go easy on him.

Or so I thought.

I opened the front door and followed the sound of laughter through the living room and into the kitchen. My mom was pouring Reid a glass of what I hoped was poison, while my dad sat across from Reid at the table. While Reid’s back was turned to me, I could see the elation on my parents’ faces. My mother fawning over him as she handed him his drink. My dad practically slapping his knee at whatever Reid was saying.

“What could possibly be so funny that I was able to slip into the house undetected,” I said from the door frame. “You know, Georgia would have a fit if she knew you were just leaving the doors unlocked for anyone to walk in.”

“Nora, honey,” my mom said, guilt oozed from her as she walked over to give me a hug. She ran her fingers through my ponytail that was the same color as hers and gave me a pat on the back—silently saying that all was well. I just shook my head. My dad waved and smiled from underneath his beard. The black hairs, like the ones on his head, were peppered with gray pieces and his mountain man appeal was starting to take on a much more distinguished vibe. Reid turned to look at me. “Reid here has been filling us in on what he’s been up to.”

“Has he now?” I ignored Reid’s ear-to-ear grin. “I’m sure it’s fascinating,” I added with little enthusiasm. “I just stopped by for a bottle of water.” I walked over to the fridge and tried to pretend that him sitting in the kitchen where we’d shared so many meals with my parents wasn’t weird.

“That was after I managed to convince them that I wasn’t the spawn of Satan you’ve been painting me as the past few years,” Reid said proudly, his smile not wavering. You would have thought he’d just solved the world hunger crisis by the way he was gloating.

I stood tight lipped for a moment. “That has yet to be determined.”

“I had to tell them that it was actually your suggestion that I stop by for a visit,” he explained. “Remember today in your office when I said you should come,” he paused and my eyes went wide when he wet his lips. Was he seriously making a sexual innuendo in front of my parents? Sure my mom was at the kitchen sink and my dad couldn’t see Reid’s face, but he could see mine. And, yet I still couldn’t stop myself from feeling the effect of his words rippling through my system—blood pumping, heart racing, ovaries threatening to burst. “I mean you said I should come see them,” he laughed. “These cookies are so good, Becky, I can’t even think straight” He chuckled, holding one up and taking a bite.  He continued chewing, staring straight into my eyes and had yet to wipe the smug smile off his face.

“There’s plenty more, dear,” she said, taking another plate over to the table. “I’m just pleased that the two of you were able to put the past aside. I know you’ve probably missed each other terribly.”

“Mom,” I blurted out, nearly spitting a drink of water from my mouth.

“I know I’ve missed her,” Reid replied. As I stood there slack-jawed and dumbfounded by how this entire thing was playing out, it hit me. I had to be living in an alternate universe. Or maybe I was on a hidden camera show. My eye scanned the room for some sign that said this was all a bad dream. “Now if I could just convince her to stop avoiding me,” he added.

My mother’s lips threatened her input, but I shook my head and she kept it to herself. I know that my mom had always had this high school sweethearts love story in her head for Reid and me, but I thought when we’d broken up she’d buried it the same way I had. Just because my parents had been together practically since birth didn’t mean that my path was paved with the same everlasting love.

“Quite a lot of accomplishments for a Halstead boy, don’t you think?” my Dad asked, pulling me back to my actual reality and thankfully changing the subject. My mother might have been ignoring the tension that seemed to follow me into the room, but I could see by the look on my Dad’s face that he understood. I’d wondered why he didn’t shoot Reid the second he’d stepped onto their property. I remembered him promising a seventeen year old version of me that he would. I thought about calling him out on his lie, but my focus was drawn to the scrap book sitting in front of Reid.

“What are you doing with that?” I asked, pointing at the book.

“Reminiscing,” he said with a dreamy look in his eye. “Care to join us?” He pulled out the chair next to him.

“I think I’m good over here,” I pulled out one of the barstools from the island and sat.

“Oh, you look so pretty in this picture,” my mom beamed, pointing down at the book. “Your first prom. You remember that white dress?”

How could I forget it? Reid held up the book so that I could see. There I was, strapless white dress, my hair curled loose and pinned to one side and smiling like some love-drunk fool up into Reid’s eyes. Seeing a picture of him from back then allowed me to see exactly how much he’d changed. A bit taller. His shoulders had broadened out and everywhere he used to be lanky, he was now solid muscle. I turned my eyes from him and the picture the second I felt my resolve start to crumble.

“That’s great,” I said under my breath.

My mother would have had a stroke right there in the kitchen if she knew that white dress she loved so much ended up on the bedroom floor of the Travers’ cabin where we had our after party. And that her sweet daughter lost her virginity to the overachieving motocross star sitting at her kitchen table enjoying her chocolate chip cookies. There was a passing thought of mentioning the post-prom events, followed by one where my dad actually shot Reid dead for deflowering his little girl, but I decided against it. That night, those memories, those were actually ones I wanted to hold onto.

I remembered how nervous I was. How nervous Reid was. Both of us inexperienced and unsure. We’d been perfecting making out for quite some time and both of us thought we were ready to take the next step. He’d planned such a sweet, romantic evening—candles, roses, soft music—everything a girl dreamed about. I remembered thinking just how lucky I was to have such a terrific boyfriend. One who cherished me and made sure that I was comfortable with every move he made. While that memory was all well and good, the ones that followed that next summer were not.

“You looked like a princess,” she continued to gush. “Didn’t she look beautiful that night, Reid?”

“She looks beautiful all the time.” He responded to my mother, but his eyes were on me.

“I’ve got to get back to my run,” I said, standing abruptly. He had to quit saying things that made me forget to hate him. He was making it entirely too hard to stay mad at him and I was really good at it. I was the Be-Mad-At-Reid State Champion, seven years running.

I kissed my mom on the cheek and patted my dad on the back as I darted out the back door. I pushed myself harder on the second part of my run, needing to get as far away from that house—and him—as I could.

“Didn’t think we’d ever see you again,” Royce Bennett’s voice was as deep as the day is long and still sent a shiver down my spine. I’d pulled into Nora’s parents’ driveway with the hopes of telling them that I had every intention of winning their daughter back, but seeing her father step out from behind the car he was working on in the garage, I was having second thoughts. His tall, broad frame and gruff appearance had intimidated me as a kid and still did. Despite the fact that I was taller than him and a professional athlete, the fear of him kicking my ass was just as strong.

“How you doing, Royce?” I had asked, walking up to him and extending my hand.

“Depends,” he’d said. “What can I do you for, Reid?”

“Nora actually suggested that I stop by.”

“That so?” He pondered the words I’d just spoken. “I’m surprised she even gave you a second look.”

“Well, I’m very convincing when I want to be.” I had offered a smile, but it faded as soon as he failed to reciprocate. My effervescent charm was not working on Nora’s father. Not that I’d expected it to. Flashbacks of the first day Nora had introduced me to her father as her boyfriend replayed in my head. I’d known Royce Bennett my entire life and he’d always been nice to me, until the moment the words my and boyfriend came out of his little girl’s mouth. I was then faced with the challenge of proving my intentions were true and that I wasn’t just some pervy kid looking to score with his daughter. Took me almost a full year to convince him that I was to be trusted, and judging by the way he was staring me down I was back on page one with him. “Look,” I said, taking in a deep breath. “I’m back for the time being and I fully intend on earning Nora’s forgiveness for the way I left things between us.”

“I’d say that’s the least you could do.”

“It might not mean much, but I can promise you that I’m not going to hurt her,” I swore. I would have taken a blood oath if he’d suggested it. The wrench he was holding in his left hand said that it might be a real possibility that I’d be bleeding soon. I waited for him to either whack me over the head or tell me to leave.

“You know, I’ve learned a few things over the years... especially where my daughters are concerned.” A smile threatened his lips at the mention of Nora and her sister. “As much as I want to tell you to hit the road and never look in her direction again, I think it’s probably best that I sit this one out and let her come to her own decisions about you.”

“I appreciate it,” I replied, sounding more like a question than an answer. I was hoping that he’d say he knew I was the one for Nora and back me up, but I should have known this wasn’t going to be an easy feat. “I think.” Having him say he thought her giving me a second chance was a good idea might have helped, but I knew winning her back was something I had to do by myself. I was used to getting things done by myself on the track. I just needed to put the same effort into things with her.

“I mean, hell,” he chuckled, “I’ve been biting my tongue about her seeing the Gregurich boy for two years now, so maybe I don’t know what in the hell I’m doing.”

“Not a fan?” I pressed.

“I think you know the answer to that,” he said, pointedly. “That little shit ripped through my prime hunting ground one morning on that dirt bike of his and scared off a prize buck. Never even apologized for it.”

Figured. Beau had always been selfish and unable to take responsibilities for anything he did. Maybe this was Royce’s way of telling me I was already a leg up by admitting my faults and telling him, and Nora, how sorry I was. He wouldn’t say it, but when he asked me to come inside and say hello to his wife, I had a good feeling about winning him over again.

“Well, my Lord,” Becky Bennett had wrapped her arms around me tight enough to press the air from my lungs. “Reid Travers. Look how much you’ve grown up.” She smiled as she ushered me over to the kitchen table. As soon as I sat down, she cradled my face in her hands and just stared. “You sure look different. In a good way,” she added with a wink.

“Thanks, Becky,” I felt myself blushing like a teenager. “You haven’t aged a day.” I knew how to sweet talk a mom, especially Nora’s mom. She and I had always had a great relationship and I wasn’t lying when I said she looked the same as I’d remembered. She’d always been a pretty lady and I remembered my dad suggesting that I hold on to Nora because if her future was looking like her mama then I’d be a lucky man. Her sweet, dimpled smile made it even harder to apologize for hurting her girl.

“Reid, I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t want to take a switch to you when my baby came home crying the day you left, but over the years I’ve realized that what you did wasn’t to hurt her. You were both kids. It would have been hard to make a relationship work. Especially, with everything you had going on in your life”

“Try explaining that to her.” I hung my head.

“I’ve tried, honey,” she confessed. “But you know her. You know how stubborn she is.”

“Don’t we all,” Royce added. Laughing for the first time since I’d showed up. I had a lot of good memories with this family, and I’m sure Nora had many with mine. We had both been blessed with fantastic role models when it came to making relationships work and being parents. Seeing Becky and Royce again, and thinking about my own parents, made me want what they had. And, I wanted it with Nora.

“Now how about I get you a drink and something to eat and you tell us what you’ve been up to,” Becky suggested.

“That sounds fantastic,” I agreed.

We sat there catching up for about an hour before I heard the voice of the girl whose photographs I’d been looking at. Becky had pulled an album from the bookshelf in the living room and was pointing out some of her favorite memories of my time with her daughter. It was nice to see photographic proof that we’d been happy and together at one point. Each time I saw Nora and she shut me down I was starting to believe that it had all been a dream.

When she didn’t immediately run out the door upon seeing me, I had to think that I was at least making progress with her. A little bit more time and I’d have her remembering exactly why we were perfect for each other.