Текст книги "Enslaved"
Автор книги: Anderson Evangeline
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Chapter Thirty-seven
“Put me down,” Trin said, the moment they entered the shuttle. Thrace had taken her straight back to the far end of the craft, presumably so they could have some privacy.
But Trin didn’t want to talk to him—or to anyone. She just wanted to close her eyes and die. The look on her mother’s face kept replaying over and over in her head. “I have no daughter now,” she’d said and Trin believed her. She had been wiped from the records by the blood curse and her own sins. She was nothing anymore—and she didn’t deserve to be held in the arms of the male she loved. The male who would surely die with her if she allowed the blood curse to drag him down as well.
“I’d rather hold you,” Thrace rumbled. He passed a hand gently over her shorn hair. “Want to keep you close, baby.”
“I told you before, I’m not your ‘baby.’” Trin struggled out of his arms and turned her face to the window, looking out and away, refusing to meet his questioning gaze.
“All right. Well, at least let me get a med aid kit and treat your wounds.” He was already busy with some kind of medicine but Trin pushed his hands away.
“I don’t need that.”
“Yes, you do,” he argued. “You need help—they hurt you in there, Trin. You need to let me help you.”
“I don’t need anything from you.” From the corner of her eye she saw the flash of hurt on his face but she had gone too far now to stop. She had the blood curse on her—she had to push him away for his own good. “In fact….” She took a deep breath. “In fact when we get where we’re going I think…I think it’s better if we spend some time apart.”
“Time apart?” His deep voice sounded hoarse and strange. “Don’t you think we spent enough time apart while you were in that fucking house of horrors your people call a temple?”
“I don’t have any people now.” Trin looked down at her hands. “Didn’t you hear my mother? I don’t have anyone.”
“You have me, Mistress.” His voice was soft and sad now. “You’ll always have me. If you want me.”
Trin looked right at him and said the worst thing she could.
“I don’t,” she whispered, staring into his eyes. “I…I don’t want you anymore.” Because I don’t deserve you. Because I don’t want to drag you down with me when I go—when the curse takes hold. But she couldn’t say it out loud—it hurt too much. Hurt almost as much as the pain in Thrace’s eyes—the pain she had put there—when he nodded his head.
“Very well. When we get to the Mother Ship, I’ll ask that they house us separately.”
“Thank you.” Trin turned back to the shuttle window, her heart sore and aching. But she knew she had done the right thing. A blood curse by the high priestess was impossible to break—a sentence of death. Trin only hoped that the bond between herself and the big Havoc had been weakened enough by the barrier she had somehow put between them to keep him safe. She didn’t want him to die with her when the curse went into full effect—didn’t want him to sacrifice his life for hers when her life no longer held any value.
* * * * *
“I’m telling you, she just wants to lie on the couch all day and sleep!” Becca paced the floor of their suite, her bare feet whispering on the thick carpet. “At first we thought it was normal—I mean, she’s like a cult survivor, getting out of that awful place after all the terrible things they did to her. So of course she needed rest. But it’s been weeks now and all she wants to do is rest. It’s not right.”
“It sounds most distressing, Rebecca. We know how much you have come to care for the Zetta female,” Truth said gravely. He and Far were sitting on the large, three person couch they shared and watching her with worried expressions on their faces as she paced.
“I do care. I know how debilitating guilt can be and they laid a crazy amount of it on Trin in that temple. But she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it—not even Charlie or me.”
Becca sighed and reflected wryly that this was probably the most upset her men had seen her since they all bonded and settled down to live happily ever after. But she couldn’t help it. She felt for Trin as deeply as Charlie did. In fact, the two of them had been visiting their new friend every day for two weeks, trying to bring her out of the funk she seemed to have fallen into. But no matter what they did or said, Trin barely replied. Becca would have thought their friend had clinical depression but it seemed to go even deeper than that—she was nearly catatonic at times which worried Becca deeply.
“There’s got to be a way we can help her!” she went on, still pacing. “She won’t eat, she won’t take a bath, she doesn’t want to read or watch movies or do anything at all…she just wants to lie on that damn couch and sleep her life away.”
“And she won’t see Thrace?” Truth asked, frowning.
Becca shook her head. “She won’t have anything to do with him.”
“What about their bond? Can he reach her that way?” Far asked.
“Charlie said he told Stavros that she’s blocking him.” Becca sighed and shook her head. There must be something we can do or someone she can talk to. The Goddess wouldn’t have sent us to get her just to watch her waste away. Would she?”
“I do not believe she would, Rebecca,” Truth said gravely. “I agree—there must be a way to help. But how?”
“That’s what I’ve been asking myself for days now!” Becca wanted to stamp her foot in frustration. “I tell you, ever since that awful high priestess put that curse on her she’s not the same girl! I mean, I know I wasn’t the one having visions of her but Charlie described what she saw and—”
“Wait a minute.” Far held up a hand to stop her. “You say the priestess put a curse on her?”
“Well, yes—just as we were leaving the temple. Why?”
“What kind of a curse?” Far frowned. “Try to remember, Becca—this could be very important.”
“Remember? I don’t think I could ever forget. It was a blood curse. She cut her arm and bled into a bowl and said all these terrible things…it was awful.” Becca shivered, remembering the gruesome sight. At the time she’d thought the priestess was just being melodramatic but from the way Far was looking at her, she began to wonder if the curse was more than just theatrics.
The light twin was already tapping away at his hand-held device, searching no doubt, for something in his extensive research file.
“If I remember correctly a blood curse is very serious,” he said frowning. “Ah yes—here it is. The curse is said to feed on the cursed one’s soul until their will to live is completely gone and…”
“And what?” Becca could feel her heart beating in her throat.
Far looked up, his face stricken.
“And she dies. Becca, I’m so sorry. The blood curse is a death curse. And it’s always fatal.”
“No—no I don’t accept that.” Becca stopped pacing. “There must be some cure—someone she could see.”
“You could start by having Commander Sylvan look at her,” Truth rumbled. “Didn’t you say she’d refused medical help before?”
“Yes, and Charlie and I let her!” Becca groaned. “What idiots we are! We thought she needed time to heal but she’s not healing on her own.”
“Now we know why,” Far said quietly. “This curse is no laughing matter.”
“Call Charlie and go to your friend now, together,” Truth recommended.
“We’ll call Commander Sylvan and ask him to meet you at Trin’s suite,” Far added, finishing his brother’s thought. “If anyone can help her, he may be able to.”
“All right.” Becca was already reaching for the thin silver wire of the think-me. “I’m calling her. We’ve sat around for too long—we have to do something about this now.”
* * * * *
“You have to take care of yourself,” Becca said earnestly. “You need to see a doctor.”
“I don’t want to.” Trin closed her eyes, trying to block her new friends out. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone and let her go? Let her die as the priestess has foretold?
“We know about the curse,” Charlie said bluntly. “And we know what it’s doing to you.”
“Then you know why I don’t wish to see a doctor.” Trin sighed. “There’s no doctor here or anyplace in the universe who can help me.”
“We disagree,” Becca said.
“That is your right.” Trin closed her eyes. “Do what you want—I don’t care.”
“Well maybe you need to start caring!” Charlie’s voice sounded sharp. “Trin, I’ve tried waiting—looking for the girl I saw in my visions to come back. You’re a starship captain for heaven’s sake! You have a happy, cheerful, calm disposition—or you did before that priestess got hold of you. You need to find that part of yourself and let her out!”
“She’s gone.” Trin could barely make herself say the words. “If she ever existed.” The blood curse had eaten the person she used to be—eaten her and left nothing but a shell.
“She does exist,” Charlie insisted. “And she’s got to come back but it seems like Becca and I can’t help you find her. So we called someone who can.”
Just as she spoke, there was a knock at the door. Becca ran to get it and came back with a tall Kindred male with spiky blond hair and ice blue eyes.
“This is Commander Sylvan,” Charlie said, introducing him. “He’s the head of the Kindred Council but he’s also a doctor.”
“Hello, Trin.” The male bowed courteously and Trin barely inclined her head in return.
“We asked him to come and look at you,” Becca said softly. “I know you don’t want any doctors but Charlie and I have done all we can—we can’t just let you waste away with this awful curse.”
That was exactly what Trin wanted them to do—just let her die of the curse. But short of jumping off the couch and running away, she didn’t see how she could avoid the doctor they had brought.
Though it seemed strange to be examined by a male medical person, Trin submitted to his poking and prodding and tried to answer his questions. Such as…why didn’t she eat?
Well, because she wasn’t hungry.
Why had she not had her wounds seen to? Didn’t they hurt?
Yes, they hurt but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.
What about Thrace? Didn’t she want to see him?
No, she didn’t really want to see anyone. Mostly she was just tired and wanted to sleep.
At last, after asking all the same questions that Becca and Charlie had been asking her for days, Commander Sylvan stood back and frowned.
“Far has told me all he knows about this blood curse that was placed upon Trin back at her home temple. And what I’m seeing is certainly consistent with its symptoms.”
“So it’s a real thing?” Charlie sounded skeptical. “I know what you told me about it, Becca,” she went on, looking at her friend. “But I just don’t see how it can possibly work. The Goddess herself told me the deity they worship isn’t even real. How can she curse someone if she’s just a stone idol?”
“It was the priestess who laid the curse,” Becca reminded her.
“And it is working because Trin believes it is real,” Sylvan said softly. “You cannot remove the teachings of a lifetime in a moment, Charlotte.”
“All right, fine—whatever.” Charlie made an impatient motion. “So the curse is real.”
“Real enough that it’s killing Trin,” the blond Kindred said gravely.
“Well can you help her get over it? Can you give her some medicine or remove the curse?” Becca asked anxiously.
Commander Sylvan shook his head.
“I am afraid there is no medicine for the kind of sickness the blood curse causes.”
“Well then what can we do?” Becca demanded. “We have to help her, Commander Sylvan. We have to.”
“We cannot…but maybe a priestess can,” he murmured.
“A priestess? You mean in the Sacred Grove?”
“I think that would be the best place, yes.” He nodded. “After all, did you not say that a priestess from her home world laid the curse on her in the first place?”
“Yes, she did—the horrible bitch.” Charlie made a face.
“Then a priestess from the true Goddess—the Mother of All Life—must remove it. Trin must be taken to the Sacred Grove. My kin—my niece as I believe you would call her—is here for a brief visit from First World. She can see Trin.”
“Who—Nadiah?” Becca asked. “I met her once when I was hanging out with Sophie and she called on the viewscreen. She’s nice.”
“She is also the Mouthpiece of the Goddess,” Commander Sylvan said. “If anyone can speak for the Mother of All Life, Nadiah can. We are very lucky she’s here, another priestess might have to see into Trin—that is not a comfortable experience. Nadiah doesn’t need to see into anyone to get to the heart of a problem—she has other ways of finding answers.”
“Sounds perfect,” Charlie said. “When can we see her?”
“She’s in the Sacred Grove now, giving thanks for a safe trip. Go there and I’ll bespeak her and send word that you’re coming. I’m sure she’ll be glad to help.”
“Thank you,” Charlie nodded. “We’ll try it.” She looked at Trin. “Come on, sweetie—we’re going on a little trip.”
Chapter Thirty-eight
Naturally Trin protested that she didn’t want to go anywhere. In fact, she didn’t even want to leave the couch. It was warm and safe and comfortable—she wanted to stay curled up there forever…or until the curse killed her.
But she lacked the energy to fight so she finally allowed Charlie and Becca to bathe her and brush what was left of her hair. Then they dressed her in a clean, simple white shift dress and dragged her out of the visitor’s suite she’d been staying in ever since she’d gotten to the ship.
They took the public transport down to the grassy, park-like area in the center of the Kindred ship. It was filled with families having fun, playing and picnicking on the smooth green and purple grass and basking in the light of the small but incredibly strong artificial green sun which, according to Becca, also powered the ship.
At any other time, Trin might have been interested in the things she saw all around her. She had always loved delving into other cultures and visiting new places—it was one reason she’d become a ship’s captain in the first place. But now the picnicking families seemed too loud and the sunlight seemed too bright. She felt tired and hopeless and utterly alone, even though she was surrounded by people.
“Please,” she muttered as they reached the edge of a grove of green and purple trees. “Please, can’t we just go back? This is all too much—I just want to sleep.”
“If you’re not careful you’ll wind up sleeping your life away,” Charlie remarked tartly. “That’s what my mama used to say when she came banging on my door to get me up out of bed as a teenager,”
“That’s what I want,” Trin said softly. “That’s all I want—just to sleep until I die. Why won’t you let me do that, Charlie? Why?”
“Because you’re my friend!” Charlie took her by the shoulders and shook her lightly. “Because I know who you really are inside! You’re brave and loyal and sweet and caring and smart and I am not giving up on you, Trin! Now get your ass in the Sacred Grove and stop talking about sleeping. It’s time to wake up and start living.”
To Trin’s surprise, Charlie turned her around and gave her a firm push in the shoulder blades. She stumbled forward and nearly fell but she caught herself with one hand against the trunk of a large, graceful tree. Looking up at it, Trin saw it had purple bark and leaves that were every shade of green imaginable.
It’s beautiful…The thought drifted into her head and it occurred to Trin that this was the first positive idea she’d had in weeks. She continued to stare at the tree in wonder, watching the patterns of sunlight falling through its leaves. Truly beautiful…
When she finally looked away from the tree, she found that she was face to face with a slim, blonde girl with extraordinary greenish-blue eyes. She was wearing a simple white gown, not much different from Trin’s own, and a friendly smile.
“Hi there,” the girl said. “You must be Trin. I’m Nadiah.”
“Hello…” Some of Trin’s tiredness was fading—affected perhaps by the fresh, clean scent of the trees all around her. But it was replaced by confusion. Why was she here? What did Charlie and Becca think this woman could do for her? What did they think anyone could do against the blood curse?
“Sylvan tells me you’ve been having some problems back home.” Nadiah took Trin’s hand in her own smooth, cool one and led her deeper into the small grove.
“I…guess you could say that,” Trin murmured.
They had come to a small stone bench and Nadiah settled upon it. She still had Trin’s hand and she drew her down to sit as well. Then she was silent. For a long time they simply breathed, drinking in the pure, clear air of the grove, inhaling the fresh scent of the trees. At last Nadiah turned to her.
“Tell me,” she said simply.
“I…” Trin cleared her throat. “I was blood cursed by the high priestess of my temple and disowned by my mother.”
Nadiah made a sympathetic sound.
“What happened to cause all that? You fell for the wrong male?”
“In my case it was falling for any male at all.” Trin didn’t know why she was telling Nadiah this. She didn’t even know the female. But somehow the touch of her soft hand and the delicious, clean scent of the trees all around them made her want to talk. But she couldn’t…not quite. She couldn’t seem to find the words.
Nadiah seemed to understand her problem. She placed her other hand on Trin’s face and the cupped her cheek gently.
“Be thee unbound,” she murmured and passed her fingers lightly over Trin’s lips. “Speak and tell what you must.”
Trin drew in a deep trembling breath and somehow found she was able to tell what needed to be told.
The words came haltingly at first, then faster and faster until Trin’s words were tumbling over themselves as she tried to get them all out. She told about buying Thrace at the Flesh Bazaar and saving his life, then how he had returned the favor when he followed her into The Demon’s Eye. Then their fateful business trip to Lady Tam-tam’s estate and the way they had been drawn closer and closer together. Then their encounter with Two and the way he had forced her to drink the passion berry wine. And then…making love with Thrace. She blushed with shame as she spoke of it—admitting what she had done to a complete stranger wasn’t easy. But Nadiah only nodded and there was no judgment in her face.
“And you bonded to him then?” she asked softly.
“I think so…yes…yes, I did. We did bond,” Trin admitted. “But…I didn’t want to be bonded to him. To any male. So I…found a way to block the bond.”
“And that was because of your belief that it is wrong to love a male?”
Trin nodded and explained about the religion she’d been raised in and how loving a male and especially making love to one was a slap in the face of the Goddess of Judgment.
“But it’s not just that,” she finished. “It’s the blood curse—it’s going to kill me. I had to push him away so I wouldn’t drag him down with me.”
Nadiah nodded sympathetically, still holding Trin’s hand.
“I understand,” she said quietly. “But tell me more. Tell it all—you need to.”
Trin knew she was right. But when she got to the part about what had been done to her in the temple of the Goddess of Judgment, she found she couldn’t look at the blonde girl as she spoke. Instead, she looked down at her bare feet in the purple-green grass and tried to tell the part about Swift and Silk quickly.
When she finally explained how she had been blood cursed and her mother had disowned her, she was almost afraid to look at Nadiah again. When she did, she saw, to her surprise, that the other girl’s greenish-blue eyes had turned completely green—a pure, brilliant emerald that seemed to blaze from her face.
And the pure green eyes were filled with tears.
“Uh…” Trin wasn’t sure what to say—was this normal? “Nadiah…your eyes,” she said hesitantly. “Are you crying?”
“Daughter…” The voice that spoke from Nadiah’s lips was soft and kind but it was not Nadiah’s. It was warm and feminine and filled with such power it filled Trin with awe to hear it. “Daughter,” said the voice again. “I weep for thee. Your pain and shame is mine. I take it on myself and I absolve thee.”
“You what?” Trin asked hesitantly. “I don’t understand.”
“For the sins you have committed and the ones you think you have committed, you are forgiven,” said the voice.
“Oh…” Trin whispered. Though she still didn’t fully understand, she suddenly felt filled to overflowing with some vast, profound emotion she couldn’t even name to herself. Somehow she knew she was in the presence of a deity—a being far wiser and infinitely older than herself. All around them the entire grove seemed to have hushed itself in a kind of holy reverence.
“Your holiness…Goddess?” Trin shifted a little. There was something she wanted to know, but she was almost afraid to speak to the presence that was talking to her through Nadiah.
“Do not fear. Speak your question.”
“Are you…the Goddess of the Kindred?”
“I am.”
“But…it was the other Goddess—my Goddess that I offended,” Trin explained haltingly. “The Goddess of Judgment. So how can you forgive me when she is the one I sinned against?”
“You are hers no longer, for I claim you as my own, daughter,” the voice assured her. “Fear not—all your wrongs are made right.”
“But, well…I was undergoing a…a cleansing ceremony,” Trin tried to explain. “I had to pay for my sins and I tried but…I couldn’t. Nothing I did was enough.”
“My forgiveness is freely offered—you have only to accept it. And then forgive yourself.”
Forgive yourself. It was exactly what Becca and Charlie had been telling her for days but somehow it seemed to make sense now. Trin felt something begin to loosen in her chest—a knot she hadn’t even known was there, pulled tight around her heart—was slowly being untied. The dullness that had consumed her—the wish to lie down and sleep and never wake up—suddenly blew away.
Trin took a deep breath and felt fully alive as she hadn’t since before she entered the temple of the Goddess of Judgment. It was as though she’d had a dark cloud surrounding her for days and a fresh, sweet wind had swept it far out to sea where it could never bother her again.
“I…I’ll try,” she whispered. “I’ll try to…to forgive myself.”
“You must go and be healed.” Nadiah’s soft fingertips brushed lightly over her welted arm. “When you are healed without, you will also be healed within.”
“All right.” Trin wasn’t quite sure she understood that but she was willing to go with it. Still, she had one more concern. “But…what about the blood curse?”
Nadiah’s slim hand passed over her cheek slowly.
“There is no curse,” the voice promised. “I lift it from you. There is now no shame or fear or condemnation. There is only love.”
“Love,” Trin echoed softly. Suddenly she was able to name the emotion that was filling her—it was joy. A joy so pure and sweet she hadn’t felt anything like it since childhood. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you so much…”
Suddenly Nadiah closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, they were back to their normal color of greenish-blue.
“Um…Nadiah?” Trin looked at her uncertainly. Was she back?
“Yes.” The other girl smiled. “You’ve spoken to the Goddess, haven’t you?”
“I did.” Trin looked at her in wonder. “I really did.”
“And what did she say?” Nadiah asked, pressing her hand.
“That she forgives me and that…she loves me and claims me for her own.” Trin felt joy welling up in her soul again. “She lifted the blood curse! And told me that that…that I didn’t have to pay for my sins. She forgave me freely.”
Nadiah smiled gently. “That’s the way the Goddess works. She loves her children so much—she never wants to see them hurt or in pain. Sometimes we face difficult trials and seemingly impossible situations but the Goddess is always near and she always makes sure we get through it.”
“I believe it,” Trin said. “I believe in her. She spoke to me through you.”
“That’s part of my job—I’m the Mouthpiece of the Goddess.” Nadiah smiled. “She chooses many different ways to communicate with her children. I’m glad she chose me to communicate with you.”
“I’m glad too.” Trin smiled and realized it was the first smile she’d had in days. She raised her fingers to her face and traced the curve of her lips. “It’s so surprising…I felt like…like I’d never smile again. Never be happy again,” she said wonderingly. “And I felt so guilty for…for letting myself love Thrace and express that love physically.”
“The Goddess approves of the love between those she has brought together. She has restored your soul.” Nadiah squeezed her hand. “You are healed—on the inside, anyway.” Her eyes traced the welts that still marred Trin’s skin.
“She said something about that—she said that if I was healed on the outside, I’d be completely healed on the inside too.” Trin frowned. “But I’m not sure what she meant by that. Maybe just that I should go to a doctor and do what he tells me?”
“Maybe,” Nadiah agreed.
“I didn’t want to before,” Trin confessed. “I didn’t want to do anything but sleep until…until I died. Until the blood curse killed me. But now I want to live.”
“You will live…a long and happy life.” Nadiah smiled at her. “You’ll have some hardships along the way but always remember the Goddess is watching out for you. And that she has a very special purpose for your life.”
“She does?” Trin whispered.
Nadiah nodded. “She does. And now you need to go. I believe there is someone you need to see in order to complete the task the Goddess gave you. You need to be healed.”
“All right.” Trin nodded her head, feeling her strength and hope and purpose return. She gestured at her arms. “I’m tired of looking like this. I’m going to see if there’s anything I can do to look normal again.”
“You will be made well.” Nadiah smiled at her. “And, Trin—you are loved and forgiven—a child of the Goddess. Always remember that.”
“I will,” Trin whispered. Impulsively she threw her arms around Nadiah’s neck and hugged her. The other girl hugged her back, enfolding her in an embrace that was kind and comforting. “Thank you so much. I will.”
