Текст книги "Follow Me Back"

Автор книги: A. Meredith Walters

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

chapter

thirteen

aubrey

“hey, ladies!”

I glanced over my shoulder to see Brooks jogging toward Renee and me as we walked across campus.

I hadn’t slept well the last two nights. The dreams that had all but disappeared in the last two weeks were back with a vengeance. While I couldn’t remember the exact nature of my nightmares, all I knew was that I woke up soaked in sweat and feeling a knot of dread in my stomach so tight I felt sick.

When Renee and I left home this morning, I refused to look at the remnants of the chalk drawing that still marred the sidewalk. And I refused to think about the possibility of seeing Maxx again now that he was out of rehab.

Nope. Wasn’t thinking about it at all.

“What’s up?” Brooks asked, a little out of breath once he slowed down to walk by my side.

“Nothing,” I said at the same time that Renee responded, “Maxx.” I shot Renee the look of death. She widened her eyes innocently and mouthed, “Sorry.”

Brooks’s jaw clenched marginally, but then he smiled.

“Well, let’s go get a doughnut before class. That’ll put you in a better mood.” Brooks began to steer me toward the small coffee shop.

“I’m heading to the library. You want to meet up for lunch?” Renee asked.

“Uh, I think I’ll just head back home to eat,” I said, knowing that what I was doing was running away and hiding.

Because after the unexpected artwork outside my door, I wasn’t comfortable with the possibility of seeing the artist.

Renee gave me a look but didn’t comment. When she left, Brooks and I continued on to the coffee shop. The place was heaving by the time we got there, full of students getting their dose of caffeine before class. We got in line and waited.

“I have a study group tonight; do you want me to come over afterward?” Brooks asked. I nodded absently, not really hearing him.

“Sure, sounds great,” I said, giving Brooks my attention and pushing away any twinges of misgiving brought on by too little sleep, not enough coffee, and a particular drawing in chalk gracing the gray pavement outside of my apartment.

“I’ll bring the new Nicolas Cage movie—it looks awesome,” Brooks continued, and I groaned playfully.

“Your Cage obsession is becoming concerning,” I quipped.

“No more concerning than any of yours,” he lobbed back. I smiled wanly at the barb, feeling its sting even if it hadn’t been calculated to hurt.

We approached the cashier, who knew us by name and began to punch in our orders before we could give them. Brooks and I had been coming most mornings for the past three years.

After we got our orders, Brooks and I left and stood on the path for a few minutes before we headed in opposite directions.

“There’s a party this weekend at Sigma Kappa. I thought you might want to go,” Brooks ventured, sipping on his coffee. I made a face. Brooks wasn’t in a fraternity, but he was friends with several of the brothers at the Sigma Kappa house.

I snorted. Brooks should know better.

“Why would you even ask that?” I gaped.

“Because I saw how much you ended up enjoying yourself this past weekend. Admit it, you had fun,” Brooks said, poking me in the side and making me squirm.

“Yeah, I guess,” I muttered, not needing to add that my perfectly enjoyable evening had been shot to shit once I got home. No sense in being Debbie Downer.

“So you see, mingling with society isn’t a bad thing. And maybe if you’re not sitting around your apartment all the damn time, you’ll stop moping about someone you shouldn’t be moping about.”

I drew myself upright. “I am not moping!” I stated firmly.

“But you can’t deny that you’re a bit antisocial,” he countered.

“And you can’t deny that you’re a bit of a dickhead,” I threw back.

Brooks laughed and reached out, pulling me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. “You’re the most awesome chick I know, Aubrey,” he said with genuine affection.

I felt my cheeks heat up and moved out of the shelter of his arms, remembering how easily I had used him to fill the gaping hole in my chest. I couldn’t use Brooks as a fill-in. It wasn’t fair. “So does that mean I’m off the hook, then?” I asked, my mouth quirking up into a smile.

“Come on, Aubrey. Pretty please with a beer keg on top?” He folded his hands together as he begged.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

“Ask me next week when I’m not feeling so mopey,” I joked, sticking my tongue out.

Brooks rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Fine, your loss. But I won’t give up,” he warned, and I felt a prickle of apprehension.

Not because of Brooks’s words per se, but because of similar ones spoken by someone else entirely.

“I have to get to class. I’ll see you later,” I said.

“I’ll see you this evening,” Brooks called out as he walked toward the library.

I started down the pathway toward the psychology building, when I felt someone come up close behind me.

Students were everywhere, but this particular presence had me feeling nervous.

And with good reason, apparently.

“Aubrey.”

My name, spoken in that familiar way, like a mixture of a curse and a prayer, made me feel uncomfortably weak in the knees.

Should I make a run for it?

It was too late. I was already stopping and turning around before I could think better of it.

“Maxx. You’re here,” I said blandly, as if I weren’t torn in two at the sight of him.

It had only been a little over a week since I had gone to the rehab facility, but somehow seeing him here, on campus, was so much harder. It felt wrong and familiar at the same time.

Maxx, the student, had always felt like such a contrast to the Maxx I had met in the support group and later the Maxx I knew at the club. He had been a man with many lives who lived in many different worlds. It had taken me a long time to reconcile myself to the person he was in each and how they all coexisted inside of the same body.

I stared at this Maxx and wondered which one he was. The look in his eyes reminded me of my Maxx. The man who loved me. But there was a tired vacancy that was reminiscent of that other Maxx. The one who had needed his drugs more than he had ever needed me.

Maxx rubbed his finger along the bridge of his nose and gave me a shy smile that was completely out of character. “Yeah, well, I have a meeting with my adviser. I had to withdraw from classes, you know, when I went into rehab. Now I’m hoping to sort out some summer-school classes and see how far behind I really am. I have a feeling I’m screwed no matter what I do,” he said matter-of-factly, without a hint of self-pity.

“That sucks, I’m sorry,” I replied lamely, not really knowing what I was supposed to say. It felt weird having random small talk with him like this.

Maxx kicked at a piece of gravel, and the surprisingly juvenile action tugged at my hardened heart. “Well, I only have myself to blame,” he said, putting his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.

This time I didn’t respond. It wasn’t the time or place to have the conversation that statement warranted.

I nodded my head toward his jeans, which still showed traces of colored chalk at the knees.

“You’ve been busy,” I said, sounding irritated.

Maxx looked almost embarrassed.

“Yeah, well, when the muse strikes and all that,” he muttered, not meeting my eyes.

“And the muse struck outside my apartment building?” I questioned.

“It always brings me back to you, I guess,” he said softly, and my heart thumped wildly and threatened to explode out of my chest.

“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope,” Maxx murmured, almost under his breath.

Christ, Maxx was quoting Jane freaking Austen. I had to get out of there, and fast.

I cleared my throat and pulled my messenger bag farther onto my shoulder.

“I’d better get going,” I said, trying to sidestep him.

He reached out, his hand catching mine, his fingers loosely grasping. I startled at the contact. It was such an innocent touch, but I felt it in my bones.

“I told you last week that when I got out I hoped you wouldn’t shut the door in my face if I showed up. That drawing was my way of asking you if you would. If it was okay if I ended up there.”

My hand shook a bit as I pulled away from his hold.

“And I think it’s too soon to tell, Maxx. You need to focus on you. Not on me,” I told him sharply.

“What if I said there was no me without you?” he asked, chewing on his lip. An innocent movement that spoke volumes about his lack of confidence. I swallowed hard and clenched my hands into fists so I wouldn’t throw my arms around him. Or smack him in the face. The jury was still out.

“Then I’d tell you that it was time you figured out who you are on your own. That you can’t base your future on something that won’t happen. Because you and me, Maxx, we’re over. We have been for a while now.” I knew I didn’t sound as convincing as I wanted to. Damn it!

Maxx shook his head. “You don’t mean that. I won’t let you mean that.”

“You won’t let me?” I scoffed. “I don’t think you have much of a choice in the matter.”

“We always have a choice, Aubrey. And this time, mine is you. I know you need me to prove to you that things will be different. That I’m different. I also know it’ll take time. I’m going to work on being patient. And even though every fiber of my body wants to drag you back to my apartment where I can spend the entire day showing you exactly how much I love you, I’ll wait. Until you’re ready.” Maxx’s eyes heated and burned into mine. He reached out and softly stroked his finger along the length of my face, and I flinched. He dropped his hand instantly.

“I won’t give up on us, Aubrey. I can’t,” he said with a promise.

That’s what I’m worried about, I thought, but didn’t say out loud.

“I’ve got to go,” I said again, needing to leave. Needing to flee.

Maxx didn’t say another word, but I knew without having to look that he watched me as I hurried down the path toward my class and away from him.

chapter

fourteen

maxx

i wasn’t lying when I told Aubrey that I was screwed. Because I was royally and truly fucked. Before I had gone into rehab I had been on the cusp of flunking out of LU. My adviser, the pretentious prick extraordinaire Dr. Ramsay, had been all too eager to let me know how much I had messed up.

It seemed that most of my financial aid was contingent on my GPA, and with my previous grades and my ultimate withdrawal from my classes for the semester, the university had pulled the scholarships and grants I depended on to pay for school. Without them, I couldn’t afford to stay on at Longwood University.

“You can make an appointment with the financial aid office and find out if you are eligible for any other types of assistance. But, Maxx, given your academic record, you will be hard-pressed to find much out there to help you. I warned you months ago that you were perilously close to losing your financial aid. It’s a shame you didn’t take my warnings seriously,” Dr. Ramsay said, and I wanted to punch that self-satisfied smirk right off his face.

The old Maxx would have knocked some shit off his desk and threatened to shove his stapler up his ass, then gone straight back to his apartment to get as fucked up as humanly possible. I started to pick at my jeans, trying to distract myself from the almost overwhelming desire to get loaded. Did I still have any pills left in the apartment? I was pretty sure I had an in case of emergencies stash somewhere. Where the hell would I have put them?

I found myself sitting there, thinking about all the places I could have left some drugs. In the back of my closet? Nah, I’d cleared that out months ago. In the bottom of my top drawer? Maybe. I tended to lose a lot of stuff among my socks. Under my bed? In the couch cushions? In the medicine cabinet?

I barely heard Dr. Ramsay when he said my name. “Mr. Demelo, did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I get the picture. My days at Longwood University are officially over. You’ve made that crystal fucking clear,” I said, getting to my feet.

Dr. Ramsay looked taken aback by my venom. “That’s not at all what I said, Maxx. You could still have options.”

“Look, Dr. Ramsay, I know I messed up. I own that. I accept that I wasted this opportunity. Now I just have to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my life.”

“Mr. Demelo, I understand you’re upset. But let me call over to the financial aid office, see if I can get you an appointment this afternoon,” he said, picking up his phone. I was surprised he was making the effort, but he needn’t bother. One thing was obvious. I had never been cut out for college, no matter how much I had hoped that being at Longwood would lead me to something better.

I had been playing the role of student to fulfill some crackpot promise I felt that I owed my dead parents. I had thought by getting a degree I could prove that I could do something right and that Landon wasn’t completely misguided in his hero worship. But was I ready to give up on a dream that had never been mine to begin with? Could I let go of that last shred of the Maxx I had been trying so hard to be?

Even though I was angry and wanted nothing more than to tell Dr. Ramsay and Longwood University where to shove it, I swallowed my pride and nodded. “Sure, that would be great,” I said.

Dr. Ramsay lifted the phone to his ear and spoke to someone on the other end. After a few moments he hung up and wrote something down on a sticky note and passed it to me: Leah Fletcher @ 2:30.

“They may be able to help, but the rest will be on you. You’ve got to come back next semester ready to work. Otherwise all of this will have been a waste of both of our time,” Dr. Ramsay said, pursing his lips.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to be a waste of anyone’s time,” I muttered, stuffing the slip of paper into my pocket.

I had a few hours until my meeting at the financial aid office and I didn’t want to go back to the apartment. I knew that being alone right now was the worst thing I could do. In rehab I was always surrounded by people, whether I wanted to be or not. Now I realized that had kept me from thinking too much about the very thing that had put me there in the first place.

The lull was the most dangerous time for me. Because when I was alone, I would think. Then I’d want to stop thinking. Stop hurting. And the only way I knew to do that was to use. To take so many pills that my mind would go blank and my heart would go numb.

God, I missed it. I missed the perfect moment when the drugs hit my system and I stopped feeling altogether. Because feeling meant bleeding. And I was almost bled dry. So I headed to the library and figured I’d use the time to get on the computer and start looking for a job.

I had a mountain of bills stacked on the counter, unopened. I still had some money, but it wouldn’t last long. It seemed my drug-dealing lifestyle wasn’t profitable enough to pay my bills and support my habit while saving for that rainy day. I was damn close to being completely broke.

The library was busy and the low buzz of conversation was exactly what I needed. I found an available computer and sat down. After fumbling around for my wallet, I found my student ID card and typed in the seven-digit number by my name.

I browsed local newspapers for job listings online. After a few minutes it became obvious that my options were severely limited. I didn’t possess much in the way of a skill set, though I wondered if my drug-dealing past could be construed as “marketing and sales.” I snickered to myself as I thought about how I’d explain that during an interview.

The more I clicked through Web sites, the more frustrated I became. Unless I wanted to spend my days slinging fast food, I was out of luck. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out, seeing another text message from Marco. I was surprised he hadn’t come pounding on my door. But I had a feeling he had already done that. And not finding me, he had resorted to phone stalking.

I didn’t know how long I could get away with avoiding him. Marco was my oldest friend and my link to that world I was trying to leave behind. And I knew that if I called him back, the temptation to return to my old job would be too hard to resist. So I erased the text without reading it.

“Maxx! Hey!” I glanced up at a pretty girl with long black hair who looked vaguely familiar. She was smiling at me like we definitely knew each other. And she knew my name, so our having some sort of connection was obvious.

I wondered absently if we had fucked. I sure as hell hoped not. The last thing I needed was a stage-ten clinger.

“Hey,” I said noncommittally.

The girl pulled up a chair and sat down beside me, ignoring the annoyed look from the guy who sat at the computer beside me as she squished herself into the small space. “Where the hell have you been? Group has been such a snooze without you there!” she exclaimed, and it dawned on me that she must be in the addictions support group on campus.

I looked at the girl again and tried to remember her name, but it just wasn’t coming to me. She must have sensed my lack of recognition, because her face fell a bit. “It’s Lisa. Remember? I sat beside you every week.”

“Oh, yeah, Lisa. Hey, how’ve you been?” I asked, not really caring.

“Not so good. Twyla got busted last week for having a bottle of Oxi in her room. Her parents pulled her out of school,” Lisa said, and I tried to remember who Twyla was.

“Oh, well, that sucks,” I said, turning my attention back to the computer screen as I scanned the want ads.

“Yeah, it really does, now I don’t have a roommate. So anyway, where have you been? Are you not coming to group anymore?” she asked, and I was three seconds away from telling her to take a hike.

“Nope,” I answered shortly, grabbing a pen from the cup on the desk and writing down a few numbers of jobs that could have potential.

“I understand, it’s so boring. Kristie has a new guy in there helping out now that Aubrey is gone. And he sucks even worse than she did.”

Her flippant comment caught my attention. “Wait, Aubrey’s not helping out in the group anymore?” I asked.

Lisa’s eyes widened. “Oh, that’s right! You guys were involved! But you’re not anymore, right?” she asked, frowning slightly.

How the hell did this chick know that Aubrey and I had been together? Aubrey had gone to a lot of trouble to make sure that no one ever found out. Hell, I was hammered in the head over and over again about how bad it would be if anyone ever knew. It had never occurred to me that Aubrey had to face any repercussions as a result of our relationship. “What are you talking about?” I demanded, not confirming or denying what Lisa was saying.

“So, it’s not true? Twyla had told me that she heard you two were together and that’s why Aubrey wasn’t helping out anymore. Got kicked out or something. Whatever, she was way too straight edge. Don’t you remember how she flipped out on Kyle?”

I got to my feet so abruptly that my chair was knocked over. I didn’t bother to pick it up as I left.

chapter

fifteen

aubrey

after Boundaries and Ethics class, I ended up blowing off the rest of my day. My run-in with Maxx that morning had rattled me, and all I wanted was a bubble bath and to rearrange my closet. I needed to get my equilibrium back. I was proud that I’d been able to walk away with my head and heart intact, but I still felt unsettled.

Renee was in class until early evening, so I had the place to myself. I turned my music on, blasting old-school Nine Inch Nails and pulling all of my shoes and sweaters out of my closet. I was knee-deep in shoeboxes when the doorbell chimed. I stood up and wiped my dusty hands on my jeans, pulled my stringy hair into a low bun, and headed out to the living room. The doorbell rang again and I growled in frustration. “Hold your horses,” I muttered as I turned the lock and opened the door, not bothering to look through the peephole.

And then I froze. I should have known walking away from Maxx had been too easy.

“What are you doing here?” I asked shortly, thinking about shutting the door in his face.

He frowned, the lines between his eyebrows deepening. “We need to talk.”

“Well, I’m sort of busy—” I began, but Maxx cut me off. He stepped forward, forcing me to back up and let him into the apartment.

He shut the door behind him and stared at me with an intensity that made my stomach drop into my scuffed sneakers.

“No. We need to talk now,” he said, his words strong and brooking no argument.

I crossed my arms over my chest and leveled my hardest glare in his direction.

“Uh, excuse me? Where do you get off?” I fumed.

Maxx closed his eyes, clearly frustrated.

Well, that makes two of us, buddy.

Maxx opened his eyes again, the blue blazing with a ferocity that made me take another step back. “What happened after I went to rehab?”

Huh?

“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.

Maxx advanced toward me and I backed up until my legs hit the side of the couch and I was forced to sit down on the arm, a position that gave him too much of an advantage, but I couldn’t move.

“You’re not leading the support group anymore. Why?” he asked, his words clipped and harsh, as though the thought really pissed him off.

Why would he be angry about whether or not I was facilitating that stupid support group anymore?

“Why?” I snipped. I leaned back, trying to get some distance, but I was in danger of sliding down the arm of the couch and onto my back. That inelegant move would have made me look even more ridiculous than I already felt.

“Can you give me a little space here? You’re making me feel claustrophobic,” I said, holding my hands out, making sure not to touch him.

Maxx looked at the shrinking space between us and muttered, “Sorry.”

“Can I sit down?” he asked, looking suddenly unsure. For all of his bluster only moments before when he had barged into my apartment, his confidence seemed to have waned.

“Sure, it’s not like I’m going to be able to make you leave, am I?” I threw back at him.

Maxx winced and I felt a little bad for being so hateful. But only a little.

“I didn’t mean to just march over here like this. But I heard some stuff today and I needed to see you. To hear from you that it wasn’t true. Because if it is true, God, if it is . . .” He trailed off and stared at me again, his eyes wide and suddenly anguished.

I felt that uncontrollable pull toward him again. But I ignored it. It was a matter of survival to pretend it didn’t exist at all.

“You’re not making a whole lot of sense, Maxx,” I said wearily. He seemed . . . tortured, and that need to take care of him reared its traitorous head. It took everything inside of me to not pull him close and hold him the way I would have done without reservation once before.

“I heard—” He stopped abruptly and swallowed audibly before speaking again. “I heard that you were kicked out or something. I didn’t get the whole story. But I heard it was because of me. Because of us. That you got in trouble as a result of our relationship. Is that true?”

Maxx’s insistence irritated me. I was unsettled having him here, in my space like this. He enveloped. Took over. Consumed.

“Why would it matter if it were true?” I asked sharply in an attempt to hide my unease.

Maxx covered his face with his hands and scrubbed his fingers down his cheeks as he raised his head to meet my eyes.

“Because the last thing I have ever wanted was for you to be brought down with me. I never wanted what I was, what I chose to do, to impact your life like that.”

“Are you serious?” I scoffed.

Maxx reared back as though I had slapped him. “Yes, I’m serious!”

“Because if you ever thought for one second that your habit . . . that who you are,” I spat out, “wouldn’t affect me, then you were even more deluded than I thought.” Maxx opened his mouth as if to argue, but I shook my head, cutting him off.

“C’mon, Maxx! I loved you! We were together! We made the decision to share our lives, for whatever that was worth. I warned you about the risks for both of us! But I made my bed and now I’m lying in it. Because that’s life, Maxx. When we make bad decisions, we have to deal with the fallout!” I yelled. I was getting worked up. I couldn’t help it.

“I know there are consequences, Aubrey! I’m one big, walking consequence! You think I don’t realize that? But, God, I never meant for any of this to happen!” We were both breathing rapidly. Maxx’s face was flushed and his eyes were a little wild. I knew that I must look the same way.

“I need to make this right. For you. For us,” he stated emphatically.

I shook my head. “There is no us, Maxx. I told you that,” I said tiredly.

Maxx’s eyes flashed with fury. “I don’t believe that, Aubrey, and I don’t believe that you believe that! There will always be an us!”

Good God, I actually wanted to believe him.

“I don’t want to do this right now. You need to leave,” I said in a shaky voice. I lacked any real conviction, but I hoped the words would be enough.

They weren’t. Maxx dropped to his knees and crawled across the space between us until he was kneeling in front of me. He looked up at me and brought his hand up to my chest, placing his palm over my heart, which beat erratically.

“I feel it, Aubrey. Right there, where it matters. You want me here.” He grabbed my hand and brought it up to his chest, where I felt the frantic thud beneath my fingers. “Do you feel that? That’s where you are. That’s where you will always be. And as long as this heart beats, I will never give up on what we had. I will make you see that I can change. I can be the person you need me to be.”

I tried to pull my hand away but he held me firm, the flat of my palm pressed to his chest.

“Please, Maxx. Stop it! Stop talking to me like this! You’ve already done enough! I can’t survive you again!” I beseeched, feeling myself start to panic. If he stayed much longer, speaking to me like this, my control would slip.

He dropped his hand to my leg. “I hate myself for everything I’ve done to you. What I’ve put you through is my biggest regret. Aubrey, you were the only beautiful part of my nasty life. And to know that just by loving me, you lost so much . . . I don’t think I can deal with that.”

The anxiety in my gut twisted painfully. I felt the press of his hand on my leg and could see the wetness on his face. We were so close. Achingly so. If he kissed me now, I wasn’t sure I had the strength to resist him.

Because I wanted him to kiss me. Because as much as I was trying desperately to believe otherwise, I knew that I loved this man, as much as I ever had. It was a love without logic. It was a love without sense. It was a love that had no real place in the world I was trying to build for myself.

You can’t move on from a love like that. Even if it was destined to only bring you pain.

I stared down at his face and saw the way he was tearing himself apart. Over me. Over everything he had done. I couldn’t sit there and let him beat himself up like that, even if a part of me yelled, He deserves this!

I covered his hand with mine, squeezing lightly. “I made my choices, Maxx. I knew what I was getting into the first time we kissed. I made the decision to cross that line. I knew what was at stake by loving you. But even after everything, I can’t regret it. Not ever. I’m angry with you. So damn angry, Maxx. But I don’t regret you. Not even a little bit,” I whispered, having lost the ability to speak any louder.

Maxx dropped his forehead to my knee and wrapped his arms around my calves. “I’m so, so sorry, Aubrey.” His voice sounded broken.

I lifted my hand and let it hover for a moment over the back of his head, not sure if I should touch him. I didn’t know what to do. I was torn in half. I dropped my hand to my side and leaned back. “Maxx. Please, stop it,” I said gently, making my choice.

Maxx released me from his hold and moved backward, furiously wiping his cheeks with his hands. “I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry, Aubrey. I just keep doing the wrong thing when it comes to you,” he apologized, looking embarrassed by his breakdown.

I couldn’t help it. This time I did the only thing my hurting heart would allow. Even if it was wrong and stupid.

I touched him.

I reached out and put my hand on the side of his face, reveling in the contact I had denied myself. I was disgusted that I was enjoying it, but I didn’t pull away. Maxx leaned into my palm.

“The one thing you don’t have to be sorry about is the future of my academic career. I’m dealing with it. It’s handled. It really has nothing to do with you,” I told him.

Maxx let out a chuckle. “I must sound like the worst kind of narcissist, insisting that everything in your life has to do with me.”

“For a little while, it did,” I admitted before I could stop myself.

Maxx grabbed my hand, the one cupping his face, brought it to his mouth, and tenderly kissed my palm. His lips lingered on my skin as he stared into my eyes. His kiss burned like a brand. We gazed at each other, the air sizzling and electric. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe.

Then he got to his feet. “But not anymore,” he said, wiping the last of the tears from his face. He pulled out his cell phone and looked at the screen. “I’ve got to get going. I have a meeting at the financial aid office,” he said, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

“Oh, okay,” I said, feeling completely off balance.

“It seems I lost most of my financial assistance for school. I have to go and figure out whether there’s any chance that I can come back next semester to finish my degree,” Maxx said on a sigh.

“I . . . I hope it works out,” I said sincerely.

“Me, too.” He turned and walked to the door and I followed him.

“I’m sorry I came here like this. I shouldn’t have done that,” he said as he opened the door.

I shook my head. “Don’t be. It’s . . . it’s fine.” I had resorted to insincere niceties, having nothing else to say.

“Thanks for not shutting the door in my face,” Maxx said, giving me a weak smile. I opened my mouth to respond but my voice failed me. And then he was gone.