Текст книги "Follow Me Back"

Автор книги: A. Meredith Walters

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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

chapter

thirty-three

aubrey

“i feel like we’re ships passing in the night,” I teased on a balmy Monday afternoon. Maxx gave me a tired smile, having just woken up, and kissed me as I walked into his apartment. I hadn’t seen him all weekend, this being the first we had been together in days.

“How was Landon on Saturday?” I asked. I had only been able to speak to him briefly on Sunday, and the subject of his day with his brother hadn’t come up.

“Huh?” he asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He seemed to be sleeping more and more lately. I worried he was getting depressed. I tried to keep him up and active, but he was resistant and grouchy.

I knew he was worried about his financial situation, and I also knew that I didn’t have any way to help him. He had pounded the pavement trying to find more work, but he was coming up woefully empty-handed.

“Your brother. The kid you were hanging out with on Saturday,” I prompted with a confused smile.

Maxx gave me a sheepish grin. “Oh yeah. He was good. He wants me to go with him to look at art schools this summer.” He pulled out a box of cereal and dumped some into a bowl. He looked in the refrigerator, but there was no milk, so he started eating it dry. I thought about buying him groceries, but I knew that his pride wouldn’t allow him to take money from me.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and nuzzled into his chest. “That’s awesome, Maxx.” Aside from the financial stresses, I knew that he agonized over how to make his relationship with his brother work again. Landon felt betrayed, and I completely understood where the younger boy was coming from. And in true teenage fashion, he held a serious grudge.

Maxx crunched on his cereal and swallowed before leaning down to kiss the top of my head. “I’d like to take you out sometime next week. Somewhere nice,” he said suddenly. I pulled back and looked up at him.

“You don’t have to. I’m just as happy staying here and hanging out with you,” I protested. I didn’t want Maxx wining and dining me when he could barely afford the bare-bones groceries in his kitchen.

“I’d really like to. I haven’t had a chance to take you out on a date that you deserve.”

I kissed his chest and laid my cheek over his beating heart, strong and sure beneath my ear. “You have other things you have to pay for. You don’t need to take me to some fancy dinner,” I argued.

Maxx put his bowl on the counter and wrapped his arms around me so that we held each other. “I haven’t done much right by you, Aubrey, but let me do this. Besides, I’ll be flush with cash after the weekend,” he said offhandedly.

I leaned back, pulling out of his hold slightly, and gave him a questioning look. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” I asked.

“I’ve been given a chance to make some great money.”

I brightened. “Did you take your stuff to a different art gallery?” I asked hopefully. I had, as subtly as possible, been suggesting he try to sell his art to other art dealers. The interest was out there for his work; he just needed to seize it. He had been adverse to it after his earlier rejection, but maybe he had finally come around.

Maxx scratched his temple. “Uh, no. That’s not it. I don’t really want to talk about it right now, but hopefully my days of living hand to mouth will be over soon and I can finally start banking on our future.” He pulled out of my arms and dropped his now-empty bowl into the sink.

I wanted to badger him about this great new opportunity. The fire in his eyes worried me. But before I could say anything, he picked up the small gift bag I had brought with me and held it up.

“Is this the surprise you were teasing me about?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said, feeling distracted.

Maxx grinned and began pulling tissue paper out of the bag. He lifted the heavy frame into his hands and stared down at the picture behind the glass. His face was carefully blank, and I wondered if I had overestimated his pleasure at receiving it.

“How did you find this?” he asked quietly, not looking at me, his eyes trained on the photograph of the four people in the picture.

“Actually, I found it one of the first times I was ever here. I know you kept it in the back of your drawer, and I just thought it was time you took it out of hiding, don’t you think?” I asked quietly.

Maxx stood there for a long time, then without a word, he walked down the hallway. I followed after him, not sure what he was going to do. He approached his dresser and slowly put the framed photo in the center. He moved it until it was facing his bed.

“I hope it’s okay that I did that. I wasn’t trying to violate your privacy—” I started to say. Maxx grabbed me suddenly and hauled me up against him, his mouth claiming mine hungrily. He pulled back a moment later, both of us breathless.

“Thank you, Aubrey. Thank you so much. Every day you remind me of what it means to be given a second chance. And I swear to God I won’t let you down.”

Then we stopped talking for a while.

Sometime later, when we finally came up for air, we lay on our sides pressed together in his bed. Maxx played with my hair, and I stroked lazy circles on his chest. “Do you ever think about where we’ll be in ten years?” I asked him.

Maxx ran his hand up and down my back. “All the time,” he murmured. I rolled onto my belly and propped my chin on his chest, looking up at him through my lashes.

“What do you see?”

Maxx pulled me up so that I was eye level with him. “I see you. I see me. I see us living in a great big house with a dog that you insisted on naming Molly, though I liked the name Daisy.” Maxx’s eyes take on a faraway expression, and I watch him, fascinated as he recounts a life we hadn’t lived yet.

“We have a little girl, five years old, who looks exactly like you, but she loves to paint, just like me. You’re pregnant with our little boy and we spend our weekends fixing up the nursery. I paint a motorcycle on the wall and you hang blue curtains in the windows. Your parents come to visit on holidays and my brother stays with us when he’s in town. You’re a teacher and I’m an artist and we make it work because we love each other just as much, ten years from now, as we do right now.”

His beautiful vision for our future gives me goose bumps. “Wow, you’ve really thought about this,” I said softly, kissing his chin.

“Every day, Aubrey. It’s what gets me through all the bad stuff. It’s what kept me in rehab. Let me show you something.” He carefully pulled out from underneath me and got out of bed.

He walked over to the pile of painted canvases that had slowly grown over the past few months. He pulled out a canvas toward the back. He brought it over to the bed and sat down, holding it in his lap.

I sat up and crawled over to him, looking over his shoulder, and was instantly speechless.

It was a picture of me in profile. In true X style, it was vivid and detailed. The colors were more muted than was typical of his artwork, but it punched me in the gut with its power.

In the painting, I stood in front of a window, looking over my shoulder, my long hair billowing behind me, bleeding into a large sun hanging in the imaginary sky. I wore a long, flowing dress that disappeared into a field of flowers at my feet.

The painted Aubrey held her hand out, and long, masculine fingers intertwined with my slender ones. Maxx had painted himself emerging from the shadows to grasp me. He had never painted himself before. I couldn’t deny the significance of this picture. It took my breath away.

Maxx looked at me. “When I think of my future, this is what I see. You. Me. Together.” I kissed his shoulders. He put the painting down beside him and reached around to cup my face. “Which is why I will do anything for you. I will walk through fire to give you the life you deserve. Do you trust me to take care of you?” he whispered, kissing my cheeks, my nose, my mouth.

Did I trust him?

I wanted to.

So I didn’t answer him, choosing to kiss him instead and hoping that was all the answer he needed right now.

I stared down at the course listing for the education department and was overwhelmed. There was a lot to choose from. And in doing the calculations, by changing my academic track midstream like this, I was pushing back my estimated graduation date by at least a year.

But I wasn’t questioning my decision to move away from counseling. I truly felt it was the best choice I could have made. It just felt right.

I was sitting in the Coffee Jerk, sipping on my latte and poring over the catalogue. Maxx wasn’t working, which was just as well, because I needed to focus on figuring out how I was going to make this whole change-my-major thing work.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” I glanced up as Brooks pulled out the chair opposite me and sat down. I hadn’t seen much of him in the last few weeks. Not since his declaration that had left things feeling very awkward.

I lifted the course book in my hands. “Picking out classes for the fall.”

Brooks frowned. “So you’re really changing your major?” he asked.

I bit on my lip and nodded. “Yeah, I am.”

I expected a lecture or at least a snort of disgust, but I got neither. Brooks simply looked at me thoughtfully.

“You’re not going to tell me again how stupid I’m being to throw away the last three years? No berating comments on how far behind I’m putting myself by doing this?”

Brooks shook his head. “Nope. None of that. You can’t force something that doesn’t work, Aubrey,” he said with a tinge of sadness.

I had a feeling that he was talking about more than just my major.

He took a sip of his coffee. “I’ve decided to go to the University of Maryland for grad school. I just accepted their offer last week,” he said.

I dropped the course catalogue onto the table and looked at my friend. “What happened to staying at LU for your master’s?” I asked.

Brooks took another sip of his coffee and looked at me, his eyes meeting mine. “I would be staying for all the wrong reasons. I think you were right when you said it’d be good to get away.”

I felt a knot forming in my stomach as my guilt flared viciously.

I had treated Brooks Hamlin unfairly. He had been nothing but supportive and a true friend, and I had used him. Emotionally manipulated him. Then cast him aside when Maxx reentered my life.

I didn’t like myself very much in that instant. Not at all.

“I know what you’re doing over there,” Brooks said, breaking me out of my self-loathing.

“Oh yeah? And what is that?” I asked tightly.

“You think this is about you and what I told you. That’s pretty narcissistic of you, don’t you think?” he teased good-naturedly.

“But you seemed so sure about staying on at LU,” I countered.

“Yeah, and maybe I was hedging for something to happen between us. I love you, Aubrey, that hasn’t changed. But it wasn’t cool of me to put that on you when I knew you didn’t feel the same way.”

I clenched my hands into fists. “I led you on, Brooks—”

“And I knew why you were doing it. I knew you were in love with Maxx and nothing had changed. Even though I can’t really stand the guy and think you can do so much better, that’s where your heart is. I can’t force you to feel something for me that isn’t there. And to put that pressure on you wasn’t right.”

I reached across the table and grabbed ahold of his hand, squeezing it. “You are such a great guy, Brooks. You’re one of my best friends, and I really hope that never changes, no matter where we end up. Because this—” I squeezed his hand a little harder. “This is the kind of friendship that lasts a lifetime.”

Brooks squeezed back. “I know. I hope you realize that I only want the best for you. And even if I don’t entirely understand why, you seem to think it’s Maxx. And I have to be okay with that. I have to trust you to make the right choices for yourself and stop treating you like you’re incapable of making your own decisions.”

Trust.

There was that word again. It seemed that everyone was having trouble embracing it.

“I appreciate it, Brooks, I really do.”

We smiled at each other in that easy, familiar way of ours, and then Brooks grabbed the course catalogue and flipped through it.

“There are some great classes in here. What’s the track you’ve decided on?” he asked, changing the subject.

I let him steer our conversation into territory where we felt the most comfortable, and I knew that it would take some time and maybe some distance, but we’d be okay.

chapter

thirty-four

aubrey

it was Saturday evening and Renee and I were walking back from the campus library. Maxx was spending time with Landon again, so Renee had asked if I wanted to keep her company while she finished up a project for her marketing class that was due on Monday.

“We’re such wild and crazy chicks. Hanging at the library on a Saturday night,” I laughed, slinging my coat over my shoulders. We were marching into the first week of May, the end of school just around the corner, and it was finally warm enough to walk around at night without a jacket.

I loved the summer. It was my favorite time of year. I planned to suggest to Maxx that we go down and stay with my parents for a few weeks after school let out. Marshall Creek was only an hour’s drive from the Outer Banks. I wanted to have the time with Maxx to really unwind and relax after how stressful the last few months had been.

My parents and I were in regular contact since I had been to see them, and while things were still awkward at times, we were getting there.

“I can’t wait until summer,” I said.

“Me neither. My parents asked me to come home for a few weeks. I’m really thinking of taking them up on the offer.” Renee picked up her book bag and followed me out the door.

“Are you going to see Iain at all over the summer? Is he sticking around campus?” I asked. I still wasn’t sure what was going on with Iain. I knew Renee had gone out on a few dates, but I knew my friend and she was purposefully not investing in a relationship with the guy.

Renee shrugged. “I’m not sure. We haven’t really discussed summer plans,” she said, unconcerned.

“Maybe you could make some plans with him?” I urged. I hated seeing Renee close herself off the way I had always done. Renee was the impulsive, passionate one. I had been steady and emotionally stunted. I wasn’t sure what to think about the role reversal.

I worried about Renee. Sure, she was doing great in school and seemed to be making a good effort of moving on from Devon, but there was a spark missing in her eyes that bothered me. Renee gave me a sideways look, knowing exactly what I was doing. “You’re so pushy, Aubrey,” she accused with a smile.

“I just want to see my best friend happy,” I replied, nudging her shoulder with mine as we walked across campus.

“I am happy,” Renee argued.

“Okay, I’d like to see you happier,” I corrected.

“I don’t need a guy to be happy, Aubrey. Give me a bit more credit for my personal growth,” she scolded.

“I’m not saying you need a guy, Renee. I just don’t want you to morph into the Aubrey zombie of emotional death,” I joked.

“An Aubrey zombie, huh? Sounds pretty scary.” She laughed.

“It is, trust me,” I said soberly, meaning it.

“I know you think I’m shutting myself off because of what happened with Devon. And that’s not it. I swear it. I’m just protecting myself from now on. And I don’t think jumping into something serious is the way to do that. I can date Iain and have fun, but that’s it. That’s all I’m capable of right now.”

“Okay, I understand, I won’t push it.”

“I don’t mind you pushing, Aubrey. I know it’s because you love me,” Renee said, looping her arm through mine.

“Love you silly.” I grinned.

Renee chuckled and shook her head. “You’ve got the silly part right.”

“What’s going on over there?” Renee pointed to a group of people congregated around the side of the gym.

“I’m not sure,” I said, giving my friend’s arm a tug.

My guts twisted with déjà vu.

“Let’s go check it out,” I said, my voice strangely rough.

“Whatever it is has gotten everyone pretty excited,” Renee commented as we bounced on our tiptoes trying to see over the heads of the crowd.

“Let’s go linebacker on these guys,” I said, nodding my head toward the people milling around in tight clumps.

“I’ve got my elbows ready,” Renee joked. Together, we pushed through to the brick wall that seemed to hold everyone’s attention.

And then my heart dropped to the ground along with my belief in trust and love and hope.

“No,” I breathed out, hardly believing what I was seeing.

A large painting took up most of the wall. The word Compulsion draped the clouds drawn onto the brick. It was a rather mundane drawing of a field of flowers and a tree, the address clearly written on the bark.

It wasn’t the prettiest drawing I had ever seen, but its significance made me want to throw up.

“Isn’t this what Maxx used to do for the club?” Renee asked from behind me.

I nodded, my mouth dry and my throat tightening dangerously. I pushed back through the crowd and leaned against the far end of the wall, trying to breathe through the nausea.

This couldn’t be right. Could it?

Maxx would have told me if had he started working for Compulsion again. Right?

I didn’t want to believe what my eyes so clearly saw.

Proof of his deceit and betrayal.

I slammed my hand into the wall in frustration, barely registering the pain that shot up my arm.

“Whoa, what’s wrong?” Renee asked, frowning.

I pointed at the artwork that everyone was talking about. “That’s the fucking problem!” I seethed, tears stinging my eyes.

“I don’t get it . . .” Renee began.

I pushed myself off the wall and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “Because if this is X, then that means he’s working for the club again. And if he’s working for the club again, then he lied to me. He told me he was never going back there.”

“Oh,” Renee said softly. I dropped my hands to my sides, feeling completely despondent.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed his number.

It went straight to voice mail.

“I can’t do this again!” I agonized.

Doubt shredded my heart.

“You don’t know that’s him. I mean, look at that drawing. It doesn’t even look like his other stuff,” Renee said thoughtfully. But who else would have done it? That was Maxx’s job.

It would explain his strange mood.

And his cryptic “job” that would earn him so much money.

I tried dialing Maxx’s number again and growled in frustration when it went to voice mail again. I tapped out a quick text.

Where are you?

And then I waited.

And waited.

Nothing.

How could he do this?

I covered my mouth with my hand to stop the wail that threatened to claw its way out of my throat. I turned around blindly and started walking away, bumping into someone in my desperate efforts to flee.

“Sorry,” I muttered, tearing my eyes away from the painting.

“Aubrey!” I found myself face-to-face with April.

I hadn’t seen her since my run-in with Evan. She had dropped out of the Boundaries and Ethics class, and honestly, I had been too wrapped up in my own life to think about where she had disappeared to.

“April, hi,” I said, casting a look around for her psycho boyfriend.

I turned back to April and was met with a shock. She smiled at me. A full-out grin. Because she looked . . . different.

Gone was the pink hair and facial piercings. Her hair was a nice, normal shade of brown, and her face was scrubbed clean of her usual heavy makeup. She had a nice face when it wasn’t obstructed by all of the metal.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you,” she said, casting a nervous glance in Renee’s direction. My roommate got the hint and moved a few feet away.

“You haven’t come back to class,” I stated.

“No, I took some time to get things sorted out.” She dropped her voice. “I left Evan.”

I blinked in shock. “What? I mean . . . that’s great. I’m really glad, April.” And I meant it. I wanted to give her my attention, but involuntarily, my eyes were pulled back to the painting behind April. I stared at it for a moment. It was a crude drawing, not very detailed in any way. There weren’t any symbolic figures or deeper meaning. It was only poorly drawn block letters with flames shooting out the side. It looked like juvenile tagging rather than legitimate art. April was still talking, and I had to force myself to concentrate on what she was saying. But my mind was in total turmoil.

Was this X?

Had Maxx really gone back to the club? Was that why he had been so distant and evasive?

I’ve been given a chance to make some great money.

And he hadn’t told me exactly how he planned to do that. I stared at the painting a little longer, still hardly able to believe it.

He wouldn’t do this to me. Not after everything we’ve done to get to this place together.

But my head argued against my romanticism.

The proof is right in front of you! He lied! He told you he had an opportunity to make money. What did you think he’d do?

I blinked and tried to clear my head, purposefully looking at April again.

“Yeah, after what he did to you I knew I couldn’t sit by and take his shit anymore. I pressed charges against him for . . . well, some stuff that happened . . . he took off. I don’t really know where he is. But I moved back in with my parents.”

I stood there lost for a moment, trying to pull myself back into the conversation. Then I realized what she had said.

“I’m really happy to hear that. I felt horrible for leaving that day without knowing if you were okay—”

“Don’t feel bad. I’m just sorry I couldn’t stop him,” April murmured, hanging her head.

I tentatively put my hand on her arm. “Don’t blame yourself for his issues. It’s easy to be fooled by pretty words and false promises disguised as love,” I said, looking at the horrible graffiti again.

What will I do if he’s at the club? What will I do if I find out he’s lied?

Then an even more horrific thought smashed into my consciousness, threatening to send me to my knees.

If he can lie about this, what else is he lying about?

He was supposed to be with Landon tonight. My gut told me that wasn’t true. I thought about the past week and how strangely Maxx had been behaving. I had been so quick to dismiss it. I had been falling back into the old pattern of denial and excuses without realizing it.

I felt a flash of white-hot rage. I clenched my hands into fists and tried to control the urge to scream.

“Are you heading to the club?” April asked suddenly.

“What?” I asked, barely listening.

“Compulsion. Are you going? Some friends and I were thinking of heading over. You and your friend could come with us if you want.” She gave me a smile.

“I’m not sure,” I said, my mind going a thousand miles a minute.

“I bet Maxx will be there, too,” she said, snapping me back to the here and now.

“What?” I demanded.

April looked startled by my outburst. Renee put her hand on my arm to try and calm me down, but I was feeling decidedly not calm.

“Uh, I know he used to go all the time, and I saw him there a week or so ago,” April said haltingly.

The world fell out from underneath my feet.

“I’ve got to go,” I said, stumbling backward.

“Did you get the address first?” April asked, pointing to the horrible painting.

She pulled out a pen and wrote it on a piece of paper, handing the scrap to Renee, since I wouldn’t take it. April stared at the picture on the wall for a moment. “Doesn’t really look like X’s stuff, does it?” she mused, but I didn’t really hear her.

“Whoa, Aubrey, slow down!” Renee called out.

“I’ve got to get my car. Are you cool heading back to the apartment by yourself?” I asked, not slowing down.

“Wait a second, where are you going?” Renee wheezed, trying to keep up with me.

“Maxx lied to me. I have to know what’s going on,” I said through gritted teeth. I wasn’t going to fall into a heap the way I would have done before. This time, I’d find him and I’d demand my answers.

“You can’t go alone,” Renee argued.

“You’re not coming with me. What I need to say to Maxx is between the two of us,” I bit out.

Then I stopped myself. I turned to my best friend. “I won’t be long. And I won’t be going down this road again. I’ll be fine.”

Then I was running toward my car.