Текст книги "Alphas burden"

Автор книги: Luna lark

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20CADEN

When I reach a clearing with a deep pool at the foot of a smaller set of falls cascading from a rocky outcrop, I shift back. The cool water in the natural spring is a welcome balm to ground me when my position becomes too much to bear on my own. I come to this spot whenever I need to clear my head and get away from the burden of being Alpha.

No one knows about it, not even Liam. It’s downwind, and anytime he’s near enough to know he’s around, I go find him first to keep the spring a secret.

The only person I’ve ever thought of sharing this place with is Avery. When I first stumbled on it, I thought of bringing her here many times.

A rough sigh leaves me after I dunk beneath the surface. I swim around until the last of my adrenaline from fighting Dane burns off, then settle at the pool’s edge to unwind. Raking damp hair from my forehead, I peer at the moon cresting behind pine trees.

My thoughts often turn to my father when I’m here. Particularly when I’m questioning if what I’m doing is the right choice.

I wish I still had him here to guide me when I’m at a loss for how to manage the pack. He was a stern man, but he loved us and instilled a strong sense of fairness in me and Callie. My fingers skate over my scars, a memory surfacing of the reprimand he gave me for interfering with the challenge.

He believed no one was above our laws, not even the alpha’s family. I respected him above all else, even when I didn’t feel ready to take over.

I wonder if he’d be proud of my dedication to this pack if he were still alive. If I’m living up to his expectations.

Not that I wanted to shoulder them in the first place. I didn’t want the responsibility of Alpha, with everyone relying on me. Except as the oldest and his only son, I was the heir apparent and raised to succeed him.

The alternative was to let one of my cousins be named heir if I didn’t accept. I couldn’t fathom my father’s legacy sullied by Lorne taking over with Cormac whispering in his ear. They’d run Silver Falls into the ground and undo all the good Dad did for us.

It’s why, when it came down to it, I accepted my duty to care for the pack and do everything in my power to continue building a prosperous, comfortable community.

Finding my fated mate never factored into any of my goals for leading them. It takes all my dominance to cultivate everyone’s respect as their alpha. When the bond first awoke, my greatest worry beyond my misplaced anger at her was obliterating my efforts to run the pack smoothly.

Navigating how to continue as I have been when any little slight towards my mate makes me fucking feral might prove difficult.

I want them all to see the things my wolf has from the beginning and fought me fiercely over when I denied it. To see what I’ve realized for myself once I stopped blinding myself to her. How strong and resilient she is, raising her sisters alone and enduring the treatment of the pack, still offering her help to those that needed it. How amazing it is that she tamed the most inhospitable parts of this mountain and bent it to her will to provide where I failed her.

She’s more than worthy as a mate—as my mate.

Perhaps then I’ll feel less inclined to decimate half the pack’s numbers for as little as giving her a look I don’t like. No matter what, I need to snuff out the idea spreading throughout the community that I’ll be choosing anyone else.

The mere thought annoys my wolf. There is no one other than our fated.

He’s tempted to track down Avery and reassure himself she’s safe despite not being directly involved in tonight’s incident. My lips twitch. More like he just wants to rub all over her as much as she’ll let him.

My eyelids grow heavy as I imagine her hands stroking my fur. Letting me nuzzle her tits. Pulling her in close to straddle my lap to watch those pretty lips part for me. Those nimble fingers exploring my chest, mapping the bumps and valleys of my abs and following the trail of hair lower before touching my cock.

A rumble climbs my throat and I circle my hand around my erection. I tip my head back with a ragged groan.

Claim. Need to take what’s mine.

There’s no fighting a scene my imagination has always conjured, long before I knew she was my fate. Golden brown hair I want to tangle my fingers in. An expressive mouth I want to claim for myself. Defiant amber eyes that have always made my heart beat harder, even when I thought she deserved my hate.

Avery’s always been in my fantasies. The first female I took notice of. The first one I thought of kissing. The one who haunted my dreams with things I thought I couldn’t have in reality.

It shouldn’t have blindsided me that she’d turn out to be my mate when deep down this draw to her has always been there. Bonds awake at random, yet the strongest always sense some sort of pull prior to fate revealing its intentions.

A thrumming warmth floods my chest, urging me along now that I’m not resisting this like my life depended on it.

Distant memories surface one after another, brighter and clearer with her gorgeous smile and that laugh—that incredible laugh that never fails to light my heart on fire.

The way I’d reorient myself subconsciously whenever she was around before a tether ever tied me to her.

How I needed her attention on me, whether I realized it or not, because whenever she gave it to another male I didn’t like it.

I recognize it now. The signals were always there that she was mine.

Once I’ve earned her back, I’m claiming my perfect mate. I’ll erase the night I rejected her from her mind, overwrite every second until I’ve proven to her I’ll spend the rest of my days worshiping her.

My lips and tongue will know every inch of her body.

My hands will memorize the softness of her skin, the swell of her hips and breasts, the quiver of her thighs when I wrap them around my head to devour her.

My cock will only know her fingers, the heavenly tight heat of her pussy.

Fuck.

I tighten my fist and quicken my pace, imagining what it will be like to knot her. To be locked inside her and feel her stretched around me, her nails scrabbling as she clings to me, beautiful features contorted with a silent cry of ecstasy. Her arousal so thick in the air I can taste it on my tongue. My stomach concaves with desire, a jagged breath tinged with pleasure punching from my lungs.

I want to know what she feels like when she comes on my cock while I’m knotting her. With her legs around me and her hands pinned above her head, with her on top riding me, fucking fuck, with her presenting for my eyes only, her head down and ass high in the air just for me.

I want to learn all the ways to make her whimper and her body beg for more when I lick the mating bite I’m going to mark her with.

My teeth sink into my lip, canines close to drawing blood as I picture drawing her hair to the side and seeing my claim on her, grazing it with my fingers, my lips. The way it’ll make her blush, and then I’ll herd my pretty little mate against the nearest wall and sink to my knees to taste that heady lust making her honeyed scent drive me insane.

A burst of—something pulses in my chest. A reaction to my arousal, I realize. It travels along the delicate threads that survived without fully severing.

Fascinated, I turn more of my attention inward to find the bond, slowing my fist curled around my throbbing shaft to keep my release teetering on the edge. A breath hisses between my teeth at the feel of plucking the strands of magic while I stroke myself, allowing me to feel her while amplifying the pleasure I’m bringing myself.

I grin when there’s an answering shudder from her end. She liked that. If I focus, I can direct an astral touch to caress the connection. This time it earns me a shiver in response.

Experimenting, I try giving it a spank. I grip the slippery rocks to keep my balance when an electric jolt rockets through me, then feel an enticing thrill from her, tucked safely away in her cottage. Wicked delight races through me.

I trace my tongue along my lower lip, my shoulder and arm flexing with each glide of my hand over my thick cock while playing with her through the bond, opening myself to allow her to experience everything I’m feeling with my head full of her.

Using projection across the bond, I drag my knuckles over the curve of her tits, circling her nipples before sending my touch in a meandering path down her stomach, dipping between her thighs to pet her clit. The magic thrum pulses with her need, reigniting my hunger for her more intensely when she tugs the connection.

More.

I’ll give her everything she needs. I’m relentless, matching the speed I’m jerking my cock with my phantom fingers plunging inside her. When she comes, I feel it, the sensation resonating within me from our link.

“Oh, fuck,” I utter.

My balls tighten and I come hard, spilling over my fingers with her name on my lips. I slump back, catching my breath with a puff of laughter. Checking on the bond, I find her languid with tantalizing shivers.

I’m not able to bask in the pride of making her come through the mate bond for long. Liam’s scent carries on the breeze. With a content sigh, I hoist myself from the spring and shift back to my fur.

For the first time in years, I feel right. Lighter, a sense of balance within my grasp.

21AVERY

My name is no longer on the kitchen duty roster. I went yesterday and Alma shooed me right back out the door. Taryn tried to sneak out with me until Alma grabbed her by the collar and put her back to work. When I crossed the commons to find out what was up, I couldn’t find my name on any of the assignments, granting me the ability to do as I usually please once more.

It’s Caden’s doing. Gratitude and something pleasant plucked at my heartstrings until I tamped down on it.

I’m still not sure what to think when it comes to him, or if I can trust that my feelings towards him are truly my own. What if it’s only the bond influencing our emotions? Is it the only reason we became friends in the first place, because it was the root of why I liked being around him so much? Without being fated mates, would we have found our way to each other?

I should still hate him, shouldn’t I? The feeling of his arms cradling me to his chest and his comforting scent enveloping me like a blanket on a foggy morning makes me think otherwise.

I drape an arm over my eyes in bed, unable to make my mind quiet. I strain my ears, my throbbing pulse calming when I register the steady breaths of Caden’s wolf outside. Biting my lip, I roll towards the wall, laying a hand over the crevices where his scent seeps through. I tuck my nose against it, heart skipping a beat when he stirs to sniff where my scent must be bleeding through the tiny cracks to him.

He rumbles inquisitively before flopping down again. I trace the barrier between us, examining the flickers of yearning in the bond to sleep in the arms of my mate. Is it from me or him? I can’t tell the source from the way it overlaps on itself, ingrained in the enchanted tethers. There are a few more strands than there were before he followed me in the woods and we almost kissed.

More still after…whatever that was the other night when I was bathing and felt his pleasure along the magic threads connecting us.

A shiver races down my spine at the memory of him exploring the bond and using it to touch me. Caressing the curve of my breasts, teasing my neck, and skimming a fluttering path down my stomach to delve between my thighs until he had me shuddering without even being in the room with me. I had no idea fated mates could do such things with the magic…or that I’d come so hard from its stimulation.

A burst of heat spreads throughout my body all over again. My thighs squeeze at the coil of desire, vividly remembering how he made me writhe with his fingers. A soft noise catches in my throat as my core clenches with the need for the real thing, and so much more.

Caden’s wolf is still awake. He purrs outside, scratching at the wall.

I swallow, smothering those thoughts, my cheeks burning. Will he remember this when he shifts back in the morning?

My wolf chuffs, sprawling on her back. She thinks my reluctance is silly. This is the way of mates.

An old pang echoes in my heart. My parents were fated, too. It used to make me and the girls giggle when he’d be outside with us until he’d stumble out of nowhere. He’d wink at us and say she was yanking him in for dinnertime.

They were so happy. It destroyed our father when she went missing.

Eventually, I drift to sleep, my endless worries muted by the soothing presence of the wolf on the other side of the wall lulling everything that plagues me to the back of my mind.

In the morning, I get up early to shift with a renewed spark. I’m ready to let my wolf run free again.

Caden hasn’t left yet. He’s stretching outside my window, the taut muscles in his back and ass flexing in the glow of morning sun. I map the hard planes of his incredible broad physique from his shoulders to his sculpted ass and thighs, struggling to catch my breath.

He angles his head back slightly and I spot the hint of a smirk before I duck from the window. His deep laughter makes my stomach dip.

I wait him out, not leaving until the slack in the bond stretches with the distance between us. The girls are still asleep when I slip out the door. I skip shoes, then pluck at my clothes with a hum. Peeling them off, I tie the leggings and shirt dress together to make a loop my wolf can wear until I figure out a better way to transport my clothes if I don’t plan to return to get dressed.

Most people leave out spare clothing draped on a line by their houses or put out a box for sharing. It’s not uncommon to see things passed around a few families, often amongst those who have come of age and want to let their wolf out all the time. I don’t know if that extends to me yet.

This time it’s not as difficult to find the instinct to enact the change, the one I didn’t understand at first. It’s more natural than my first experience, less like my body is snapping and reforming anew in a state of panic and heartache, more seamlessly transitioning to my fur. My wolf feels more tangible to me now and she helps me through it as I give her control.

I stretch with a yawn, digging my claws into the earth. Caden’s scent is even more powerful to my nose now. It’s everywhere, all around my cottage, up in the meadow above it, down the road. I waver, my wolf wanting to follow the freshest trail of cedar and oakmoss to find him.

His chuckle when he caught me admiring his body makes the bond dance within me. I want to, but I’ll find him later. Right now I want to run and explore to my heart’s content.

The first time I shifted, I was too overwhelmed to notice everything. Lifting my nose, I find I’m right about tracking valuable plants to forage. There’s a patch of buckthorn fruit growing on bushes I never knew about north from the meadow, and the buttery sweet hints of chanterelle mushrooms calling to me on the breeze. It could expand my little hustle into something greater than I ever dreamed when Jade first gave me direction and helped me find my love of plants.

I paw at the loop I made with my clothes and with some maneuvering with my snout, I’m able to slip it over my head like an oversized collar. A basket, I’ll need a basket easy to carry when I go out for plants. And a way to carry my tools, my satchel will get slobbery if I carry it in my mouth.

Ideas spark one after the other, my thoughts coming more fluid and less burdened than they might be in my skin. I chuckle at my lowered inhibitions and it comes out as an energetic yip.

I trot through the woods, learning with my wolf how to do this. All around me nature is alive and it stokes my excitement.

Our lope through the forest takes us past skullcap and puffball mushrooms, a vibrant gooseberry bush, swaths of dandelions in the thick grass beneath evergreens, and beds of purslane. She sprawls on the succulent ground cover weed for a short nap without listening to my attempts to steer her away.

Green. Yuck, she decides after nibbling on the slightly salty leaves.

She catches a much more enjoyable scent—prey. We both perk up at the thought of meat for breakfast, our mouth salivating. We’re a big, beastly wolf. Surely it can’t be so hard to catch something. This should come naturally for us, we’re a predator born to hunt.

My wolf prowls behind overgrown ferns, fixated on the burrow nestled in a hollow at the base of a tree twenty paces away. She doesn’t wait long. A gopher with its cheeks stuffed with food comes down from another nearby tree, zigzagging through the underbrush. She’s perfectly still, nose barely twitching as the creature comes closer.

Energy vibrates through her limbs and she darts too soon, scaring it out of reach when she pounces. A bark works its way up her throat in her shock she didn’t catch it.

She watches her meal scamper off, tail drooping and a put out sigh huffing from her.

I console her disgruntled mood. We still suck at hunting, but we’ll figure it out with practice. The first time I tried to eat what the forest provided me, I nearly poisoned myself and look at me now.

She forgets all about it once we’re running again, the cool air ruffling our coat and tingeing the air with interesting scents like fresh laundry, baking bread, and the pipes elders smoke on their porches. Someone’s being loud, their whining cries filtering through the trees from the direction of Silver Falls. The tang of arousal hangs in the air. Mating. I identify Emily’s scent and change directions.

A sleek wolf bounds over a mossy hill with her tongue hanging out from her grinning maw. I freeze.

She stops, tail at attention as she sniffs us snout to snout. Her wet nose tickles our ear when she inspects it, then moves down our neck and front flank. She barks, lowering her chest to the ground. Our tail wags when we recognize her. Taryn. Friend.

We circle each other, jumping and playing. She knocks into me much like she does when we’re in our skin and I roll her.

A sharp bark interrupts us. We spring to our feet when another wolf emerges from the trees. He’s huge with bright orange eyes that seem familiar. It becomes clear when he pins Taryn’s wolf and runs his nose from her chest to beneath her jaw, licking her before he lets her up.

I approach Liam, ears swiveling to gauge his mood. He gives me a perfunctory sniff and gives my side a headbutt. My wolf bumps him back with her shoulder, putting a paw on his back. He goes still, then takes off, pausing on top of a hill to see if we’re following. Taryn shoots off first and I join her, my spirits soaring as the three of us race.

This is what I’ve missed. Belonging with my pack.

22CADEN

When the kid from our carpentry supply delivers the last of the materials I ordered, I load it into the flatbed of my truck with the rest of the things I’ve gathered that Avery needs and drive up to her cottage. On the way, I pass the crew working on extending the power lines and lift my fingers in a wave from the open window.

Avery’s not around, but her sisters are.

Beatrix bursts out the rickety front door while I’m unloading lumber from the truck. The damned thing is first on my list.

If I thought she’d let me, I’d burn this place down. I’m sure it would piss her off when she’s put so much effort into making this her space, so I’ll fix it up so it stands another century to serve her needs.

“Are you looking for Avery?” Beatrix can’t contain a smile. “I heard you’re True Mates. Is that why you’re coming around now?”

The corner of my mouth lifts. “I’m here for all of you. I’m sorry for making your lives hard for so long. Will you let me make it right?”

She purses her lips to the side in thought, growing quiet. “Is it also true you rejected her? She won’t tell me about it no matter how much I pester her. I had to hear it from the others in my lessons, and they say you were a real dick about it.”

My head dips. “Yes. I want to make up for that, too.”

“Did it hurt?”

A startled huff leaves me. “It does, yes.”

“Good.”

I rub my chest to ease the twinge at the memory, the bond punishing me for what I did to my mate retroactively. “More for her, I think. If I could go back and change what I’ve done, I would.”

She peers inside a moment, probably checking on Lena. “What are you planning to do about it? Because if you hurt Avery again…” She comes to the edge of the stoop, hands on her hips and a ferocious expression rivaling the females on the enforcer roster. “I won’t let it slide.”

It strikes me that I’m Alpha and I’m being admonished by a girl who hasn’t even come of age yet. She’s my mate’s family, which makes her one of my own. I need to protect the Morgan girls as much as I need to care for my own blood.

“When we moved here, I didn’t really understand why, and Lena was way too young to remember much of anything. It didn’t feel right, being so far from the pack. The smells were different and I couldn’t hear them.” Her gaze hardens. “You know what I do remember? The nights Avery cried after she put us to bed thinking no one could hear her.”

The guilty knife lodged in my chest drives a bit deeper. “You have my word that I will never hurt Avery ever again.”

I vow it with a hand over my heart that only beats for her.

She gives a satisfied nod after a beat. “If you can make her happy again, then it’ll be okay. She deserves to be happy.”

My throat thickens. I clear it, squeezing my nape.

“She does. And I will give her anything and everything to ensure it.” I gesture to the open bed of the truck. “Starting with a repaired door that doesn’t scream on its hinges. If that’s alright with you?”

Beatrix perks up, her bubbly energy returning. “You’re going to fix the door?”

“I’ll fix anything that needs it.” I incline my head. “Or, if you’d like, I’ll prepare a new cabin for you to move to.”

She’s right. They shouldn’t be so far from the pack. The nearest cabin is close to a mile from here. They need to be around their packmates. Lena and Beatrix should be running around with friends, not cast to the edges of the territory.

“I’d take that option in a heartbeat,” she gushes. “But… Avery does like it out here, I think. It’s small and kind of shitty, but it’s ours. We’ve made it cozy.”

My wolf purrs with pride in our mate. Despite me being the reason for her harsh environment, she’s a survivor. He likes that.

“Let’s restore the parts that are losing against age, then see if we can convince her there’s no need to remain out here,” I suggest.

Not when both my wolf and I want her near. In my rooms at the lodge. In my bed. Soft and warm, smelling lush and open in the mornings. Within arm’s reach so I can pull her close and sink into her, hear those little sounds she makes when she’s needy and hungry for more like the other night in the woods. Fuck, those sounds.

I busy myself with the bag of tools, back turned on Beatrix so she doesn’t see the evidence of what thinking of her sister does to me.

“Can I help?” Beatrix wanders over.

“There’s a stack of blankets in the front seat and a cooler full of food if you want to take those in.”

Her eyes sparkle when she opens the lid on the cooler. “So much meat.”

I come around and ruffle her hair, then reach past her for the bag of things I went to Ashbury to get as a gift for Avery. I follow Beatrix inside and greet Lena.

She puts her book in her lap. I’m glad to see some color in her cheeks. I take one of the blankets from Beatrix’s stack and drape it around Lena.

“Thank you.”

“You’re looking better,” I say.

She nods. “My cold’s almost gone. Avery’s remedies are really good to fight off illness.”

“Good. If either of you need anything at all, tell me.”

“We will,” Beatrix says.

I put the gardening tools I got for Avery on her workbench, borrowing a page from her journal to leave a note. My fingers brush the new shears and a smile tugs at my mouth.

Once I survey the cottage to assess the worst areas that need attention, I settle in to work on building a new door. Bit by bit, I’ll mend all the things I’ve broken in Avery’s life, from this cottage to every crack I’ve caused in her heart.