Текст книги "Alphas burden"

Автор книги: Luna lark

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16CADEN

We continue up the trail, my mind wandering. All these years, her family’s betrayal has eaten at me, hardening my ability to trust outside of those that prove themselves to me. Loyalty means everything to shifters.

So how can walking beside the girl I swore never to trust again settle the restlessness that’s always plagued me once I learned I was named Alpha heir?

For the first time in a long time, I look beneath the blow to my pride at a fear that I keep locked deep within me.

Callie and I were young when our mother disappeared, and because her mating was arranged as a chosen mate, our father didn’t suffer the blow the way Clark Morgan did when his True Mate went missing. Losing her was my first taste of having those important to me that I care about ripped away from me, only to go through the hurt again when my father died before his time. It destroyed me to face my father’s beta—a second father to me—and his daughter’s betrayal because they weren’t just pack, they were ingrained in our lives.

I’ve lived and breathed for the pack and only the pack since that is my duty as Alpha. But maybe it’s important for me to look past what it needs for once, because before everything happened…Avery was my happiness.

Around her, I always felt just like myself. Not my title or my duty.

I’ve felt empty for years without her to fill the void torn from me when I lost her friendship.

“You don’t need to follow me all the way back. We’re within the perimeter now,” she points out once we cross into pack territory.

True. And yet, until I see her home, I have trouble pulling myself away again. The compulsion takes hold, refusing to be swayed by any logical reasoning I reach for.

“You have my shirt. And this is my territory. I’m simply walking it in the same direction as you.”

She laughs, a too-short puff of air I want her to make again so I can capture it and breathe it in with the taste of her lips.

“Sure. If that’s what you want to tell yourself, Alpha Blackburn.”

I massage my forehead and temple, remaining her silent shadow the rest of the way to her cottage. In daylight, it leaves much to be desired for a proper home. At night, it’s so much darker than the cabins populated by the rest of the pack.

When my father made sure everyone in the pack got electricity, he stopped the power lines at the furthest occupied buildings because this place wasn’t inhabited. I haven’t thought about taking them further or expanding it to the edges of Silver Falls Pack territory. Tomorrow I’ll put an extension project on the assignment schedule.

At her door, she blocks the way with a wary expression that rankles me. I sidestep her and she growls in warning.

“Aren’t you leaving?”

I stare her down. “No. Let me in, then I’ll go.”

She mutters a curse, motioning to the side of the cabin. “Be useful, then. Put another log on the fire.”

I get two of the best looking pieces of wood from her chop pile. There isn’t enough in it and half the stockpile is little more than kindling. If I don’t go on my usual morning run, I’ll have time to chop good fresh wood.

Inside, I pull up short. There’s a bed shoved into the corner and a rocking chair that’s seen better days by the fireplace with Lena bundled in threadbare blankets. Beatrix sits at a table crammed in the corner that seems to double as a counter next to a wood burning stove.

A rough-hewn workbench by the latticed windows takes up the other half of the small room. It’s clearly Avery’s space, covered in pots and jars of ground powders and pastes. Plants and dried clippings hang from rafters that will need replacing soon to fix the dry rot.

Avery’s planted herself in front of her sisters, flashing her teeth at me. Her protectiveness over them against me knocks the wind from me. Her sisters are her own little pack the same way Callie and Liam are mine.

“Caden!” At Avery’s throat clearing, Beatrix bends her neck. “I mean Alpha Blackburn. Sir.”

“Hello, Beatrix. I brought in some more wood for the fire. Soon you won’t have to worry about it,” I say.

Avery tenses, her sweet scent sharpening with anxious worry and defiance. “What do you mean?”

I hold my hands out to set her at ease. “I’ll be bringing electricity up here.”

Her eyes widen. “You will?”

At my nod, she slides her lips together and watches me as she goes to lay out the primrose on her bench. She returns my shirt by tossing it at my head without warning. I catch it before it falls to the floor, then shrug it back on.

Struck by the paleness of Lena’s cheeks, I kneel beside her chair, debating how Avery would take it if I scooted her closer to the fire. Lena smiles warmly, welcoming me despite everything I’ve put her family through.

“I remember you.”

Fucking Fates, she was only seven when my father forced them from the Morgan cabin. A child. They all were, even Avery.

The pit of my stomach burns. “You do? You’ve grown up since I last saw you. It’s good to meet you again, Lena.”

She pokes a frail hand out from her blankets, fingers cold to the touch. Avery stops plucking leaves, holding a small knife in a white-knuckle grip, the blade pointed at me when I seek her out.

Unlike when we met at the edge of the territory last week, shame washes over me instead of the anger I’ve clung to for so long.

Lena’s smile falters with a hacking cough, and she’s unable to catch her breath. I stiffen, unsure how to help. I rub her back until Avery comes over with a fresh leaf and shoos me out of the way.

“Chew on this,” she instructs.

The worry lining her face doesn’t ease until Lena’s breathing evens. She kisses the top of her head, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

“She’s sick.”

Avery serves me a hard look. “I told you.”

“How?” I demand under my breath, following her to the workbench.

She blinks when her eyes turn shiny and keeps her voice low. “She’s always been prone to illness.”

“I remember when she was born. The healer said she was a healthy⁠—”

“She got pneumonia,” she whispers harshly. “It happened during our first winter here. I—I almost lost her. I didn’t know what I was doing. I had to learn how to make my own medicine.”

My stomach clenches and I ball my fists as a distant memory hits me square in the chest. This is my fault.

Not simply because I’m the alpha and it’s up to me to make sure my pack is cared for, but because I remember when Avery was poking around for extra handouts. It was under my order that the pack ignored her or turned her away.

Fuck.

My wolf agrees with an angry swish of his tail. His judgment tastes like bile in the back of my throat.

You don’t deserve our perfect mate, he rumbles before giving me his back.

I don’t. Not after pinning her and her father’s betrayal to my family all on her after his death because I was seventeen and blinded by anger.

I’m beginning to question if I was right to make her pay such a heavy price for the last seven years.

No, I’m beyond questioning. I know I was wrong to blame her. To think she was part of her father’s challenge. To put her through a punishment she didn’t deserve.

This isn’t the type of alpha I want to be.

The hatred I’ve held on to with both fists crumbles to dust and slips through my fingers.

I’ve been a damned fool. Blind to the truth in front of me this entire time. I need to make it right.

I toss the logs into the fire and stoke it until I have the burning wood rearranged to allow the flames to breathe better. Within minutes, the temperature becomes more comfortable in the tiny cabin, though it’s still chillier than it could be. I search the room, not finding any furs to help Lena warm up. There are too many sitting around the lodge in winter I can send over.

Beatrix sprawls in front of the fire with a content hum. “How’d you do that? No matter how much I add , it never gets this warm.”

“See how I moved them so one is propped up instead of stacked? The flames can get bigger like that. The trick is not to smother it with the firewood.”

“Would you bring me my book, please?” Lena motions to a stack on the floor by the bed. I pick out the top one. “No, the one with the blue cover. Third down. I’m between three books and I’m in the mood for that one.”

She beams when I hand it over, scooting lower in the rocker to curl up with it.

Avery concentrates on her task when I prop a shoulder against the wall. She strips every part of the plant, setting aside the leaves in two piles. One she adds to a pot of boiling water on the stovetop. The other she divides onto a tray that goes in the oven, and the rest she chops finely.

Her hands are so nimble. It’s impossible not to get lost watching them.

“Are you a witch after all?” I murmur the question without any of the heat I intend at the idea of a shifter learning magic.

She smirks humorlessly. “No. I’m not a witch. I can’t do any real magic.”

I pick up one of the assortment of jars and sniff the tan powder. The spiced tang is a surprising tickle to my nose.

“That’s ground ginger. Put it back. Don’t touch anything else, I have it organized.”

I return it, eyeing the labels on other tins and phials for herbal roots, seeds, extractions, and salves. Her annoyance with me is palpable, creating a zinging buzz in my chest, yet with her sisters her attitude is completely softened.

She brews tea with the fresh wildflower leaves for Lena, laughing with her when she shows her a passage from her book. Beatrix perches on the arm of the rocker and Avery combs then braids her hair with gentle, nurturing care.

Unbidden, my mind conjures the idea of Avery caring for pups in the same way. My wolf knows she’ll be perfect, and I don’t know what to do with the unfamiliar longing unfurling within me.

A worn journal pokes out from a lower shelf. I thumb through it, brows rising at years’ worth of notes on the mountain’s vegetation along with lists of uses, some with question marks that are scratched out. Those have a tiny scrawl in the margin to note ineffectiveness or have poison written at the top of the page with several underscores.

It amazes me how much she’s learned.

At the back, she’s logged pack members she’s traded remedies for their ailments or tracking who she’s noticed has a problem she could solve and how it would benefit her. This isn’t only for her sister, she’s seen to a surprising number of females in the pack.

She snatches the journal from me with a gasp. “Why are you still poking around?”

I open my mouth to tell her it’s my right as Alpha. The panic flaring in her eyes makes me snap my jaw shut with a shrug. The buzz moving around behind my ribcage gets worse. I massage it and gesture to the table.

“I was interested to see your work. You're helping the pack in your own way. That’s a good thing. I’m grateful.”

Her cheeks color and she narrows her gaze before going back to ignoring me.

The longer I stay because it feels right to be near her, the more irritated she becomes. I’m a looming presence intruding on her space. She growls at me when I’m blocking her path. There aren’t many places to move in the tiny cabin.

After she’s tucked her youngest sister into bed, she grabs my wrist and drags me outside. A creaking noise distracts me. I stop to inspect the door.

“Do you want me to send the healer to check on Lena?”

“Don’t bother. I’ve got it covered.”

“Are you sure? If I send him, he might be able to help.”

“He’s a hack.”

My frown deepens. The hinges are probably shot and the door’s not worth salvaging. I’ll need to replace it all to resolve the noise.

“Damn it, would you stop that?” she snaps.

She attempts to push me away from fussing with the door. Even with her improved strength now that she has a wolf, she’s barely able to make me budge when I don’t want to. She releases a terse sigh when I kneel to examine the ancient, rusted hinges closer.

“It’s just—like that, okay? I’ve tried to fix it,” she grits out. “There’s nothing to be done.”

“You’ve tried to fix this? On your own?” The question comes out through my teeth and she takes it the wrong way.

“Yes, Caden. When something breaks around here, who are we going to call? The maintenance crew?” She tosses her head with a scoff that rubs my fur the wrong way. “The only one I can rely on for help is myself.”

She shakes her head at my sharp look and storms off the porch.

My jaw works and I stretch my head side to side to ease the tension stiffening every muscle in my body. There’s no threat to fight. Not a physical one. The growl working its way up my throat is an overreaction caused by this damn bond for leaving my fated mate to fend for herself in such an extreme way.

I was an idiot to think she wouldn’t be a worthy Alpha female. A worthy mate. I’m the unworthy one, not her.

My chest constricts with dread. I rejected her. Fuck, is it too late to undo my mistakes? Would she want me if I accept the bond?

I push to my feet with another rumble and make it to her with long strides by the time she reaches the woods. She stumbles and I automatically catch her elbow to keep her steady.

“I’m fine.” She yanks free and rubs at her chest.

I feel the urge to do the same because the mad pulsing insisting I drag her body against mine and claim her mouth is driving me to the brink of madness.

“If you came to petition for help, it would be my duty as Alpha to hear you out,” I argue, unable to control my volume. “You’re still part of this pack.”

She halts, shoulders heaving with heavy breaths. Then she turns and meets my eye. The death glare she serves me would be viewed as a direct challenge by anyone, yet my heartbeat races for an entirely different reason.

Avery Morgan is beautiful and entirely too tempting when she’s furious.

17AVERY

“What did you say?” I’m so enraged, I barely have the capacity to yell.

“That you didn’t have to fix creaking doors or broken floorboards by yourself.” Caden raises his hands as I march up to him. “And you don’t have to worry about it anymore. You should move out of that death trap. I’ll find you somewhere else.”

“And go where? To you?”

My voice cracks when I pummel his chest, not even stopping to think about the consequences of attacking my alpha. He allows it and doesn’t retaliate. Inside, my wolf rages, too. She’s lunging and wild, teeth clacking with each fierce snap of her jaws.

“To tell you the nights were too cold? After your father put us out here because of you when everyone else at that joke of a pack meeting after—afterwards suggested any remaining Morgans be put down or exiled?” I’m breathing hard, everything pouring out of me at once. “Do you expect my thanks for this mercy you showed us?”

My body trembles, throat searing. Each thump of my fist against his firm muscles grows weaker.

I hate him.

I hate him so much.

I hate how easily he’s shattered my heart twice. It’s cracking all over again, the fragile shards ready to burst free.

“You were my friend,” I say brokenly. “And you stopped listening to me the minute you thought I’d betrayed you because my father dared to challenge yours. In minutes, you hated me. There was no way to make you see otherwise. Why would I ever beg you for help when you labeled me a traitor to this pack and picked where to cast me away?”

He clenches his jaw and catches my wrists, speaking gruffly as he stares into my eyes repentantly. “I was wrong for that. For too many things. I see it now. I shouldn’t have blamed you for your father or made you move up here. There’s no excuse I can give to change any of what happened. I’m sorry for—for everything. I’ll make it better, I swear it.”

I’ve waited for him to say those words for years. They don’t bring the immense relief I imagined they would when I faced the hardest moments of survival. How can I forgive him?

A flutter of yearning pulls at me, gently at first, then more insistent. Part of me wants to believe he’s sorry after all this time. Probably the part that was so in love with him back then. Or the part that imagined what being his True Mate would be like.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

Tears sting my eyes and I try to wrench free. Regret lines his features, his throat bobbing with a heavy swallow. He holds me, tugging me closer until I rest my forehead on his firm chest.

“I know saying sorry won’t fix it, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness so easily,” he says roughly. “But I have to start somewhere. Let me make it better.”

The buildup of rage shifts to all the hurt I’ve kept bottled up, my emotions frayed and overwhelming. A gasp breaks off in a choked sob. The last of my composure snaps and the torrent of frustration and heartache threatens to drown me.

Tears flow in an unstoppable cascade, blurring my vision. Anguished cries scrape my throat.

He holds me through it all, murmuring his apologies against the top of my head. Years of holding myself together, only falling apart when I’m alone at night so I can be strong for my sisters, unravels in moments. He doesn’t let go, his embrace tightening.

I don’t know how much time has passed once my tears dry. He’s stroking my hair, his other arm and his heady woodsy scent enveloping me. It soothes me until I calm down, blanketing me in a comforting haze that blocks out the weight of the world.

I’m safe now. In his arms, everything is right. I can stay here and he’ll take care of me.

My wolf echoes the sentiment. She falls under the thrall more easily, bending her neck as she mewls.

My palms slide up his chest. The vibration of his wolf’s inviting rumble feels nice. So does winding my arms around his neck to get closer.

His scent becomes richer, the spiced cedar so intense it’s bursting on my tongue and making my stomach dip. I drag my nose along his collar bone, licking his corded neck.

“Avery.” He groans it, hiking me closer by a handful of my ass.

I lift a leg, wrapping it around his powerful thigh, pressing on tiptoe to get more of his glorious scent in my lungs. It’s not enough.

I want—I want⁠—

Wait. No. This is the bond. The one he didn’t want with me.

It’s making me need to jump him right now, mate with him to make everything better now that he’s apologized and stop being such a colossal alpha asshole.

“Are you okay?” he murmurs.

Not even a little bit. “I think so. Or, I will be. I just need⁠—”

“Yes?” he rasps.

When I push free of his embrace, he releases me willingly, though his handsome features are twisted in torment. I back up and he matches me step for step.

My lips slide together. Turning around is difficult, but once I do some of the strange haze clears. My wolf barks at me, tugging to get me back in our mate’s arms. I rub my puffy eyes and pick a random direction to walk.

Yes, shift, my wolf urges, her body wriggling as she lowers her front end playfully. Shift and chase.

One glance at Caden over my shoulder and I know that wouldn’t be a smart move. Vivid swirls of gold ring his blue irises. We’re both feeling the effects of the bond’s magic. If I shift now, she’ll let his wolf catch her.

An image of him rutting me with my ass up and my head down, hair wound around his fist as he drives into me until my pussy’s stretched full with his knot pops into my head to entice me.

My steps falter as hot desire rushes through me. I don’t know if it’s my wolf’s doing or the bond’s influence making both of us forget the rejection.

I need to plunge myself in the cooling water at the private spring I like, but I don’t want him finding out about it. I change directions and head for the nearest stream instead.

The longer I walk, the more I feel like myself again, and with it comes the world the bond muted.

“Where are you going?” Caden finally asks.

“To clear my head. You can go.”

“No,” he responds stubbornly. “You do whatever you’d like. I’m staying right where I am.”

I toss a warning growl over my shoulder. It only makes him snort and shadow me closer.

“I’m not your mate, remember? You have no right or need to watch over me.”

“No, but I’m still your alpha,” he counters from right behind me. “It’s my duty.”

He’s so close I feel the warmth of his breath at my ear and the vibration of his chest rumbling in protest.

“Don’t placate me. It’s bullshit.”

I stop and he bumps into me. My throat is too raw when I swallow.

We’ve entered a clearing full of fireflies. It’s far too late in the year for them, yet sometimes there are pockets of nature where I find them gathered, dancing for the sleeping druids. They’re beautiful, bobbing and looping through the air, glowing at intervals.

I tip my head back, closing my eyes when his nose brushes my hair and his hands hover at my hips without taking hold of me. I should step away, I need to. He’s not my mate.

“Why are you doing this?” It comes out on a hitched breath.

“Doing what? This?” His fingertips skim my sides and his lips drag across my temple. “I can’t help it. Your scent right now is so—It’s driving me insane. I have to.”

I shake my head. “Why won’t you stay away? You need to let this mangled bond fully sever.”

The fierce growl that tears from him makes my heart clench.

It takes far too much willpower to put distance between us again. I can’t handle this.

“Did you only apologize because you feel bad about rejecting me?” I round on him, wounded heart in my throat. “You can’t have it both ways, Caden. You threw away fate’s gift, and you know what? I reject you right back because⁠—”

Before I give any reasons, he’s on me again. He tugs my body against his with a jagged noise, trapping my hands between us.

“No.”

It’s not clear if he’s answering my question or refusing my rejection.

He kneads my waist, piercing eyes flashing gold again as they bore into mine, flickering back and forth. I lick my lips and his focus drops to my mouth. My fingers splay on his chest.

His head dips, my body alight before his ghosted exhale over my throat makes me shiver. My body tingles with awareness of every inch of him pressed against me. He rubs his nose beneath my ear, then traces it down. My fingers curl in his shirt.

He’s scenting me. Exploring my neck to map every inch. Leaving his musk all over me, and in turn making sure he smells like me.

Every brush of his stubbled jaw across my sensitive skin elicits tingles of pleasure that race up and down my spine. An ache builds between my thighs that won’t be sated by pressing them together.

I want the rigid length of his cock that’s pressed into my belly. A tiny noise escapes me and I flush at how needy it is. He chuckles, a deep, delicious rasp against the shell of my ear.

I swallow thickly. “Caden.”

His teeth graze my skin, right over the juncture between my neck and shoulder—the spot where a mating bite mark would be if he claimed me.

“Caden,” I breathe.

A gasp catches in my throat when his tongue darts out to taste the same spot he scraped with his teeth.

He moves back. This time I’m the one clinging to him in protest. His gaze roves over me with a sensual smile.

“You asked why I won’t leave you alone.”

I blink, dazed and flushed all over. “Right.”

“I’m…having trouble staying away from you,” he admits. “My wolf has a mind of his own when it comes to you, but I can’t deny that I’m pulled to you, too. I don’t know how to stop it. I’m not sure I want it to.”

I touch my neck. The spot where he had his fangs teasing my shoulder throbs in time with the aroused pulse in my core.

“You scented me. That’s—It’s for family clans. Your closest packmates.” My stomach feels like the fireflies are dancing inside it. “Lovers.”

His eyes darken, burnished gold swirling with blue. He takes my chin and lifts it.

“I’m making sure every male knows to keep their distance from you.”