Текст книги "Alphas burden"

Автор книги: Luna lark

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“Fine. I’ll be down there in an hour.”

That should give me just enough time to get in and out before the moon rising. Everyone else will be busy with the revelry to notice me.

Nina gives me a wobbling smile. “Thank you.”

She leaves in a hurry, not lingering for friendly chatter. I don’t bother with it, either. After the first few surprise visits by other female packmates in need of my help, I learned they were only after my resources. Some still whisper nasty things about me even as I hand over whatever quick fix cure they’ve come for.

“Don’t make a portion for me,” I tell Beatrix. “Make sure you and Lena both have second helpings.”

Beatrix raises her brow, holding her tongue for once as she works on the stew she’s preparing. I go through the narrow hall that leads to the bathroom and my shoebox of a bedroom. In the bathroom, I lean against the sink, sighing before I splash cool water on my face.

My stomach cramps when I straighten. I frown, laying a hand over my middle. It passes quickly, though I’m left with a tightness in my skin that doesn’t ease when I roll my neck and shoulders.

I put off leaving as long as I can, not looking forward to being around so many packmates. Our stores need any food we can scrounge before winter, though.

“Avery.” Bea grabs my hand on the way out, her nonchalance evaporating as her forehead creases. “Are you sure about this?”

“It’ll be fine.” I offer a relaxed smile and squeeze her hand. “Don’t wait up for me. I’ll be back when I can.”

5AVERY

Most of the cabins are quiet by the time I’m on the main road running through the middle of the packlands. Everyone’s made their way to the bonfire by now. I can hear the lively notes of people playing fiddles and the occasional mirthful shout through the trees.

It’s held at the fire pit on the commons, the central lawn in front of a semicircle made up of the alpha’s massive lodge and offices, the log-style community building where shifters gather for meetings or stay in the dormitories, the patrol cabin where all pack security matters are handled, and the dining hall and pavilion. Anyone assigned to a kitchen duty rotation is likely bustling tonight for the party.

I make my way to Nina’s cabin, grateful that she doesn’t live on the Blackburn compound. Caden’s uncle keeps his entire brood within the walled-off section of homes as if they’re their own pack within the main pack. He usually has his many sons, nephews, and grandsons posted at the entrances like his own private security.

My guess is, her mate has either disappointed Cormac or isn’t useful, so he’s cast out from living amongst the rest of his extended family despite being a member of Cormac’s shady guards. Caden mostly ignores his many cousins, though whenever you cross a Blackburn that isn’t Caden or his sister, Callie, they act as though they’re above everyone else for being related to the alpha, no matter how much space is spread between them on their family tree.

When I rap my knuckles lightly against Nina’s back screened door, she answers out of breath, glancing behind me when she yanks me inside.

“Did anyone see you?”

I tug free. “No. It’s deserted on your street. Everyone’s already out.”

She sags in relief. “Good.”

I follow her through the dimly lit house. My cottage might be smaller, yet her place is depressingly oppressive, the walls stinking of her mate’s aggression. I shudder, folding my arms. In the kitchen, her pup blows spit bubbles around a teething ring in his crib. She takes me through the pantry to her basement steps.

“No pack run for you tonight?”

Her head ducks. “No. Trent doesn’t like letting anyone else but his own family watch the baby, even my mother. He says it's how his family has always done things. So I stay home instead of using the nursery for bonfire nights.”

My nose wrinkles. I doubt he’s hanging around to help her out with their pup himself.

It’s not that this pack is one of those backwards ones I’ve heard of in the remote parts of the world that believe their females only serve one purpose, either. Our she-wolves work all the same job classes as the men, and some choose not to have pups at all. Yet injustices like this still exist here.

“Here.” Nina closes her huge freezer, shoving a chilled hunk of meat wrapped in paper and twine into my chest. “Your payment. Now you should go. I can’t have Trent smelling that anyone was here he didn’t approve of inviting in.”

She lifts her brows impatiently when I don’t immediately move. I want to tell her again that I have several poisons, most undetectable. No one would suspect a thing. There’s no risk she’d be detained in the holding cells in the security crew’s cabin.

Or I could convince her to take this to Caden’s offices and plead her case for his mediation in the matter. He might be a bastard, but as strict as he is, he wouldn’t overlook this if he knew how she’s being treated. The last time he found out about a male smacking around his mate, he gave him a beating on the central lawn and made the entire pack watch.

Nina gives me a shove with a warning rumble. “Go. I don’t want my baby around a Wolfless for too long. He needs to grow up big and strong like his father.”

She acts as though I’m diseased and contagious. If I had a wolf, I’d love to snap at her to put her in her place. She sounds like the narrow-minded elders who are traditionalists, believing the lack of a wolf is a sign of weakness.

I show my teeth and push into her space. Annoyance flares fast, fading when she shuffles back. She’s the weak one here. Fear’s made her that way.

I offer her a wan smile. “Until next time.”

Without waiting for her, I climb the stairs and head through the back door. I fantasize about all the ways to get retribution on Nina’s behalf against her terrible chosen mate.

I don’t realize I’ve walked to the bonfire on autopilot until I’m skirting the edge of the log benches circling the fire pit. A group of children race by shrieking with laughter. A pang echoes in my chest, filling me with the longing to be part of the pack the way I used to. It’s not right to feel so isolated.

The strange urge to join them tugs at me. I glance down the empty road while trying to talk myself out of it, then inch closer to the festivities.

They’re deep into the celebration now, the grills going with the savory aroma of succulent meat and fresh bread being passed around the long tables packed with food. Some are playing music on fiddles and singing folk songs for the moon goddess about her descent from the Heavens to be with the wolf she fell in love with. The elders sit around with cigars, some with wayward pups bouncing on their knees. I don’t spot anyone in the white linens we wear for a coming of age ceremony, so no one will be shifting for the first time.

I tip my face up to the moon. Even without a wolf, there are times I’m able to sense a distant connection to it, stronger when it's in the full phase. It peeks behind the treetops as it rises.

Shift.

Something inside my chest flutters. I feel it sometimes. It’s merely a phantom sensation after a lifetime of living amongst shifters who talk nonstop about what their wolf feels like.

I gave up hoping I would join them in that experience when mine never came by the time I turned eighteen, leaving me standing alone at the ceremony that month bearing the hard stares of everyone who didn’t want a Morgan there anyway while the others chased each other in their new forms. There are late bloomers who grow up with minimal signs of their beast, but by twenty I knew the silence within me would never be filled.

I don’t draw attention to myself as I weave around groups of people, giving a wide enough berth to not be noticed as someone not welcome for the bonfire.

Sticking to the shadows where the firelight doesn’t reach, I amuse myself watching Callie Blackburn get into trouble at the drinks table with her feisty best friend, Taryn Barnes.

“I’m not supposed to serve more than three drinks,” the bartender says.

“Who said that? My brother? I’m bringing this drink to him. You’re not going to refuse our alpha another whiskey, are you?” Callie prompts. “He specifically asked me to get it for him.”

She plays up the pack princess attitude people usually give her crap for behind her back, leaning across the bar to keep the attention on her as Taryn moves to the other end of it, eyeing the selection. I smirk, catching on to what they’re doing. I’m not the only one, either. Liam's narrowed gaze is on Taryn from several feet away, already moving to push past the group of women deep in their wine glasses.

Callie keeps the guys manning the bar occupied while Taryn slips an entire bottle of liquor down her pants, flipping her shirt over it. She grins and shoots Callie a thumbs up. The triumphant expression falls off her face when Liam grabs her arm from behind.

“Can’t go one night without trouble, can you, Miss Barnes?” He pulls her into his chest and frisks her.

“Jeez, buy a girl a drink first before you try to take her out to the woods to rut her,” Taryn sasses with a laugh. “Didn’t your dam teach you any manners?”

“Didn’t yours teach you right from wrong?” he counters as he pulls the contraband free. “Yeah, guess you ditched that day of lessons. What a surprise.”

“Live a little. It’s good for you. Break one rule. Go on, I dare you.”

Liam growls, leaning over her shoulder. She snaps her teeth at him playfully, completely unthreatened and unrepentant.

Callie laughs and knocks back the drink she convinced the barkeep was for her brother. “Goddess save us all. You two should just mate already for how often you bicker. You’re worse than True Mates, always in each other's business.”

Taryn pretends to retch. “If the Goddess did me like that, I’d question why she turned her back on me.”

Liam clenches his jaw, tearing his scowl from Taryn. “Let’s go. Both of you.”

“Me?” Callie protests.

“Both of you,” Liam reiterates through his teeth, snagging her elbow while yanking Taryn close enough that her red hair snags on the dark brown scruff shadowing his jaw.

“Both at once?” Taryn fakes a gasp. “Liam, you dirty dog. I can’t wait to hear these rumors spread at breakfast tomorrow. Think it’ll reach the commissary by lunch? What will Alpha Caden say about his star lieutenant slipping off with his sister and her friend?”

The firelight is just bright enough to spot the vein throbbing above his brow. I roll my lips between my teeth and silently cheer Taryn on.

“That’s enough. You’re spending the night in the pen for stealing,” Liam says resolutely.

Callie digs her feet in and argues, “What about⁠—?”

“You can shift in the cells and sleep in a huddle to keep each other warm for all I care,” he snaps.

I turn around when the three of them head my way, not wanting Liam to decide I’m doing something wrong, too. My chin dips to my chest and I weather the old ache of missing their friendship. When Caden went from my friend to my enemy, I also lost my relationship with all three of them. Only Taryn will speak to me these days if our paths cross.

A deep, unpleasant laugh draws my attention. Nina’s mate cozies up with two females by the other end of the drinks table, standing far too close and admiring the view their low-cut tops grant him. He’s shameless, sniffing after them when he’s forced Nina to stay home.

My lip curls. I’m definitely adding something that causes hair loss to Nina’s next sedative order. It’s the least he deserves. I hope his wolf’s fur turns out patchy, too.

It’s not uncommon to find mates messing around with others. Some chosen matings turn out to be good matches that last the test of time. Others who aren’t happy to be mated will settle their bond just to avoid the heat sickness that comes from resisting a mating frenzy, then avoid each other as long as possible.

Only those with a True Mate bond granted by fate are unable to stray because their mate is their world.

My parents had a bond like that. Their love was clear for anyone to see, always pulled to each other anywhere they went, eyes lighting up whenever they saw each other even if they’d only gone to the other room. It’s impossible to say why Mom was able to walk away from it because it drove Dad crazy after she went missing, to the point he betrayed his closest friend when he wouldn’t listen by challenging him for the alpha title.

There are only two ways to become a pack alpha—inherit it from the existing bloodline, or to take it by issuing a challenge to fight for the right to rule.

Shifters honor strength above all. The strongest survive. The strongest maintain the highest rank in the hierarchy.

I snag a roll from a table when I pass by, pleased it's still warm. It’s a shame I didn’t bring my satchel. I could’ve stocked up more for the girls. Maybe someone has an unattended bag they won’t notice by the time they shift.

My lips twitch while nibbling on the roll, a plan forming to stick around longer than I intended. The elders always run for the shortest amount of time, just long enough to stretch their old bones before they return to hang around the fire to continue gossiping. I’ll have enough time to raid the feast and be out of here before they’re back.

The roll tastes great, though my stomach clenches. I’m usually hungrier in the colder months because I make sure my sisters are fed first, but this is more difficult to ignore. I finish it and sneak another from a different table. By the time I’ve grabbed a third one, I’m restless with a craving I can’t sate.

I want more, but the drumstick I find abandoned on a plate doesn’t appeal. Making a discontented noise, I change directions to see what’s cooking on the grills.

The sight of Caden across the fire pit stops me in my tracks.

He’s with a few of his guys from the patrol crew, drinking a beer and actually smiling for once, though it’s not his full smile. I don’t know if he smiles like he used to anymore.

He hasn’t noticed me tonight. I should move on to keep it that way. Instead, I’m rooted in place, admiring the way the firelight dances off his muscled arms.

“You shouldn’t be here,” a smooth voice taunts beside my ear.

I whip around to find Lorne Blackburn. Shit. The only person worse than Caden to gain the attention of leers at me like a predator sizing up his prey. Cormac’s eldest son is three years older than Caden and he’s inherited everything from his father, including his shrewd mind.

“I was just leaving,” I say.

“I didn’t give you permission to leave yet.”

He circles me, assessing me from head to toe while I remain frozen in place. His lips curve at the pack tucked beneath my arm.

“Oh good, you brought more meat. Nice to see you’re finally settled into your place here after so many years skulking around when your father was put down,” he croons.

My grip tightens when he tries to take it. I hold on a moment longer because it’s mine. He uses his height and broad stature to intimidate me, flashing his fangs lengthening in his mouth. His posturing doesn’t scare me, but it will draw everyone else’s attention if he makes a big scene.

I release it, holding my hands up. My chin juts out and my gaze cuts to the side.

“There’s a good little bitch,” Lorne says with a satisfied snicker.

Asshole.

He takes my chin, wrenching my head to the side to sniff at my throat. Bile rises from my stomach in a rush. I shove against his chest to break free. His cruel blue eyes glint. They’re like Caden’s, but dark and shadowy.

“Just making sure you know to respect your superiors. One day things will change around here and you’d better fall in line. Disobedient females will learn the hard way that it’s better to bend the neck.”

He’s always spouting the same opinions as his father about how this pack should be run. About how we’d be better off living in the old ways—females silent, pushing out pups, and at the beck and call of the males.

No matter how much I want to shout and scream in his face for his vile opinions, I don’t respond. It’s the best way I’ve learned to get out of interacting with him as quickly as possible. I hate myself for it, but I bow my head the barest amount to show my submission. Best I get out of this now rather than have him drag me to Caden and claim I’m a problem for taking a hunk of flesh from his hide with my bare nails.

Lorne frowns, sloshing the rest of his drink into his mouth and sauntering off. I guess he’s grown bored of me without any reaction on my part. If my situation was different, if I wasn’t a pack outcast, then I’d feel safe enough to challenge him.

Because men like him don’t want the demure women they go on about. He wants to goad me into exploding before he puts me in my place.

My chest expands with a pissed off rumble stronger than anything I should be able to produce with my vocal chords. I blink, touching my throat.

Lorne turns back. I hurry away and write off the growl as a figment of my imagination.

My plan to steal what I could of the leftover food goes up in flames before my eyes. With Lorne tracking every move I make, I won’t be able to go unnoticed. He’ll make sure of it.

The weird hunger pangs return. I eye the tables of food and none of it appeals to me.

I’m ready to leave. There’s no reason to stick around to watch them all shift. It’s foolish of me to spend more time than I have to amongst a pack that looks down on⁠—

A scent hits me, strong and intense and delicious. I whip my head around, lifting my nose to catch it again, greedily inhaling more. I immediately want to be enveloped in it.

The earthy musk of cedar and oakmoss is so comforting, so right. It’s the feeling of walking barefoot in my favorite meadow. The taste of the mists coming off the falls.

What is this? Who smells this amazing?

The scent leads me closer. At first I have no idea what’s come over me, or why I’m being pulled hard by this instinctive need to track the scent.

Mate.

Oh. That makes sense.

Wait—no it doesn’t. How can I have a mate?

It doesn’t matter. My thoughts slip away. I’m driving purely on instinct.

I need to get over there, need to claim him—my mate.

6AVERY

After a few steps under the hypnotic lure tugging me forward, I falter to a stop, trying to make sense of what’s happening. The pause doesn’t last long as every fiber of my being begs for him to feel complete.

I pant, rushing through the grass towards the bonfire.

Someone’s in my way. I elbow them aside with a grunt. Another person yells something at me. I growl in their direction, stalking across the lawn, jumping over an empty bench. I search the crowd, baring my teeth at their open disdain.

My hearing stretches farther than I’m used to. I hear him. Deep tones making a dulcet melody. Then another voice—female, too inviting.

Another wild noise tears from my chest. No! He’s mine. No one else can claim him but me. I’ll attack anyone who tries.

There’s a crash across the fire pit, followed by a growled, “Get out of my way.”

My knees threaten to buckle at his voice. I shove past the group in my way, then freeze at the male several feet from me.

Caden stares back at me, equally shocked.

My heart rises in my throat as I watch his scorn towards me melt away. I gasp as his features soften and his gaze flares with reverence.

How can I have a mate? How can it be Caden after everything that’s come between us?

I hate him, yet…I don’t.

Not right now. I can’t hate him now. He’s my mate. He’s made for me. To love me. To protect me. He’s perfect, as he should be.

He’s so handsome. Strong. It’ll feel good to be wrapped in those huge arms at last. Tuck my nose in the crook of his neck to inhale more of his divine woodsy scent. Lick—yes, licking every carved muscle when I tear off his shirt and mark him all over.

Reason flits in and out of my head, fighting with another presence unfurling there.

Mate. Go now.

The inner force drives me forward, pacing behind my ribcage until I give in. I feel drunk out of my mind, releasing a delirious laugh.

The pull drawing me to Caden is so strong I stagger, eyes wide and locked on him. He’s my mate. My heart’s True match.

I mouth his name and a breath punches from his lungs. He holds an arm outstretched to me, striding for me at the same time I start running.

We don’t stop until we collide. His arms circle my body and I press my face into his firm chest, dragging in deep lungfuls. He grips the back of my coverall dress, tugging me closer to press against the rapid thud of his heart.

It’s still not enough to burn away the throbbing sensation in me that I mistook for hunger. Now I understand it was the mate bond forming to tie our souls together. The magic fills me, twining around my heart, reaching out to connect me to his. If I focus on the intangible threads of the bond, I recognize him at the other end.

I meet his fixed stare in wonder, lips parted. His blue eyes swallow me in their stormy depths ringed with gold.

Yes, mate. Handsome, perfect mate. Yes, yes, yes, yesyesyes⁠—

Everything in me chants a celebration in a curious voice that isn’t quite my own, matching the speed of my racing pulse as our bond lights me up from within. It drowns out my stunned surprise that I’ve found my fated match and the old, trampled wish I used to cling to, secretly hoping Caden Blackburn would be my mate.

Caden’s fingertips graze the edge of my cheek, sending a tremor through my body that leaves me shivering. He emits a low rumble tinged with pride in response. My heart drums faster, warmth spreading outward from the glow emanating around it until my entire being is enveloped in it.

His chest rises and falls with ragged breaths as he tilts my face up, gaze roving greedily over every inch like this is the first time he’s seen me, truly seen me, in years and he’s making up for lost time.

Every inhale tinged with his delicious scent is so intense, I’m swooning, intoxicated by the sensation of the newly formed mate bond threading us together.

I want to say so much—his name, a plea, mate—yet all of it sticks in my throat. With a thick swallow, I rest my hand on his chest, hoping the bond will convey the rushing swell of emotions overwhelming me. His large, rough hand covers my wrist. His touch is gentle at first, as if he’s worried I’ll break.

Just before our lips brush he goes rigid, grip tightening until I wince. His gaze hardens when he pulls back, the bond turning hot, too hot, jolting my heart with a vicious lightning strike.

For a moment, the pain in my heart reflects in his expression before he shakes his head. His features contort to the hatred I forgot when our bond connected us as True Mates.

“No,” Caden snarls through clenched teeth. “I reject you.”

It’s difficult to breathe as I’m lanced through at those words. Shocked murmurs break out around us.

He shoves me away when I cling to him in confusion. The whiplash from new bond-high to the first tear in the connection between us leaves me dizzy and unable to process what’s happening.

“W-what?” I choke out as I reach for him. “Caden⁠—”

He bats my hand aside. “Fate is wrong. I could never have a mate like you.”

Something inside me shatters.

Oh.

My heart, I realize amidst the soul-deep pain of his rejection.

Distantly, I’m aware of more intense murmuring from the crowd surrounding us. Fate-blessed bonds are a gift from the moon goddess. It’s taboo to refuse them, almost unheard of.

The fledgling mate bond frays, unable to complete fate’s design. The incandescent glow that filled me with warmth and love dims to nothing but the shredded remains of what could’ve been. I clutch at my chest, a wounded sound escaping me.

Caden does nothing to help me, leaving me to fend for myself. I’m sure I’m dying. Does he not feel the same? I can’t tell because his face is set in a stony mask.

My body aches with the throb of the mangled bond. My legs threaten to give out. Breathing is painful. Thinking hurts.

Through it all, one thing rings clear in my mind.

Fate chose the worst possible mate for me. My enemy.

Finding Caden Blackburn is my mate after everything I’ve been through has to be some cruel joke. The moon goddess must be laughing at me.

I shake my head, but the grating sound of snickering doesn’t clear. It surrounds me, raking across my frayed nerves. I swing my blurred gaze around the circle of packmates that look on with open hunger and derision for this spectacle. Their wolves are close to the surface, poised to jump on my weakness and tear me apart.

My lip curls and I bare my teeth at them. I might not have the ability to shift into a wolf, but I’m still as fierce and will fight to survive anything. Even rejection from my fated mate.

Lorne smirks at the display and sweeps his gaze over me. He prowls into the circle, attention sliding to Caden over my head.

“Look at the little witchling playing at being a wolf. She’s hardly worthy of a True Mate bond with you, is she, Alpha Blackburn?” he drawls the title with an open hint of mockery. “You’re right to refuse her, cousin. The pack wouldn’t follow you if you mated her. A Morgan in the Alpha lodge again?”

Lorne clicks his tongue in dismay. Caden’s shoulders tense. He swipes a hand over his mouth, avoiding looking at me.

I want to get away from here, but I also want to crawl on my hands and knees to him. I fucking hate myself for it, battling the urge until it’s suppressed.

Lorne blocks my view of Caden. My teeth ache as I sidestep him. He delights in my misery, toying with me by getting in my way repeatedly. I shove at him, too wound up to remember that I shouldn’t.

He grins, leaning into me while speaking to Caden. “It’s best not to leave a female like her unmated. Not to bear my pups, of course. To keep her under control. She might be Wolfless, but she’s still pretty. I’m sure the bitch still knows how to present to be mounted all the same. I’d bet she’ll look even prettier when I have her on all fours.”

Lorne’s disgusting remark is met with more laughter. He reaches for me. I veer away, his scent growing so offensive I nearly gag. His touch is wrong, too.

“No!” Caden roars.

The wild growl that tears from him is forbidding and possessive. It sends half of the pack crashing to their knees.

Lorne remains on his feet with some effort, fingers digging into my arm. “What’s wrong, cousin? You rejected her. I’m glad to have your scraps, as always.”

I whimper.

And Caden’s composure snaps.