Текст книги "Alphas burden"

Автор книги: Luna lark

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

18AVERY

Caden’s admission remains fresh in my head. I’ve turned it over a hundred times at least between last night and this morning.

I believe it’s just the bond making him act like he needs to be around me, maybe even giving him mate-vision so it can entice us to complete the connection. It has to be the reason it no longer so much as twinges to cause me any pain, because it senses a chance to mend what the rejection broke.

Why else would he be compelled to sit outside my window every night in his fur or chop enough wood at dawn to fill my woodshed this morning?

Even if he no longer hates me, I have no idea where that leaves us. His apology in the woods doesn’t mean he’s changed his mind about us being mates because he didn’t kiss me in the clearing, or make any other move to claim me as his mate. Scenting me out of the sense of possessiveness his wolf has towards me doesn’t make me his.

Do I want to be his? My pulse staggers.

The kitchen grinds to a halt when I enter for breakfast. I freeze in the doorway, then duck my head and find something to do.

“Back to work. Food doesn’t prepare itself,” Alma barks after a long pause.

Taryn slings an arm over my shoulder and is completely obvious when she sniffs me. “You smell like⁠—”

“I know.” I bite my lip, cracking eggs harder than necessary and fish shells from the bowl.

“After Liam dragged me off last night, I thought you’d be right behind me to be my bunk buddy for yet another night in the holding rooms.”

“So did I.” I shoot her a wry smile. “Have you considered moving your things into the patrol cabin? You might as well for how often you end up there.”

She waves a hand and scoffs. “I think Liam just gets off on seeing me locked up. He has such a power trip whenever he decides I’m doing something I shouldn’t be.”

“Thanks for helping me even though we got caught.”

“Anytime.”

I keep myself occupied, volunteering first for every task Alma orders. It backfires when she decides to call on me to send out toast.

“Oh, but—Taryn could do that. I’m watching the bacon,” I say.

She shoves the tray of baskets in my hands and nods to the door. “Go on. It was a special request from Alpha Blackburn that you be the only one to serve his food. He’ll touch nothing anyone else brings him.”

Goosebumps race across my skin and heat floods my face at the look she gives me, like she believes I smell like him because I arched my back and presented for him. For unmated females, it’s usually the case.

While none of that’s happened between us, despite my bond-induced dreams supplying vivid ideas after last night, him only wanting to touch what I offer sparks excitement in my veins. I squash it before my wolf takes it as a sign to shift and seduce him into hunting with her.

At first, no one pays me any mind. Nina Blackburn’s on her way in behind her mate with her baby on her hip. She glances at me and quickly looks away, demurely following him to an open seat two tables away from where Cormac’s favored bloodline sits.

The gaping stares and whispers start at the nearest tables I pass, spreading out to the next rows.

It’s undeniable who I’ve been scent marked by. No one has to come near before their nose figures it out.

I could’ve washed off his mark on me, at least to mute his musk so it wasn’t this…overpowering and fresh.

Except when I poured water into a bowl and soaked the rag, I couldn’t bring myself to wipe it away. My wolf threw a fit that I’d wash off her mate’s scent. Admittedly, a small part of me wanted this moment. To see the reactions of the pack members who have shunned me and those who turn their noses up at me in public while sneaking up to my cabin to beg for my help.

Keeping my head held high and my back straight, I march through the hall, not stopping until I’m at the head table.

Caden watches every step, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth and a gleam in his eyes. This is the first time he’s acknowledged my existence when I’ve brought food out to be served. I lift a brow and hold his gaze, dropping off the toast unceremoniously.

“Thank you,” he says sincerely.

It’s like a switch has flipped in him. His features aren’t set in a steely glare, they’re softened. Attentive and open.

Liam reaches across to get a piece, freezing when Caden snatches his arm, leveling him with a hard stare.

“Mine,” Caden rumbles.

Liam’s head jerks. “What? You never care if I eat before you.”

Caden grunts, shaking his beta’s wrist to get him to drop the toast on his plate. He takes the rest of the basket and dumps it so there’s none left for the few other enforcers seated with him. They cover smiles and avert their gazes.

Liam sits back in his chair and folds his arm, studying his friend. “So you’re not going to share?”

“Fuck no.” Caden shoves half a slice of buttered toast into his mouth.

Hodge, one of the older members of the guard that used to lift me on his shoulders as a kid, chuckles at Liam. “You don’t know shit about mates, do you?”

“Here, have this one.” I start to set down a second basket, but Caden makes to steal that one for himself, too. My brows jump up. “What’s the problem?”

“Mine,” he reiterates to me with a playful snap of his teeth that makes my insides swoop with a thrill. “No one else in this pack gets to eat what you bring over. Only me.”

I exchange an exasperated look with Liam. He holds up a hand.

“It’s okay. Come on, guys. If we want to be fed, looks like we’re sitting elsewhere.” Liam gets up, motioning to the others.

Hodge pats Caden’s shoulder when he rises to follow. Ford and Gabriel head off to find open seats at the table where Emily drops off steaming cranberry scones.

“Satisfied? You’re alone at the head table now,” I say.

“Very,” Caden answers as he licks butter and jam from his thumb, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

Heat blooms in my cheeks at the display. I track his tongue, captivated by his mouth. He eyes me alluringly, giving the impression he knows where my mind’s strayed.

Shaking my head, I go back to the kitchen. My wolf is basking in all this. Since he scented me last night, she’s on a high, proudly strutting around smelling of her mate in front of the pack. She loves the way it broadcasts that we’re his to everyone, as it should be.

I bite my lip, stomach tightening pleasantly at the thought. My heart gives several thudding beats. I don’t hate the feeling, or the idea as much as I should.

The whispering isn’t as bad the second time I go out with eggs and sausages. Surprisingly, there isn’t as much hostility either. Maybe that’s why he insisted on this, to show the pack he doesn’t view me as his enemy anymore. A few people even wave at me and offer tentative smiles. I almost trip, smacked in the gut from how much I’ve longed to feel like I belonged in the pack instead of existing in its shadow.

Caden thanks me again, then stops me. “Do you want to sit? Have breakfast with me.”

I blink. “No. Probably best I don’t.”

“Why not? Have you eaten yet? Here, try mine.”

I back away before my wolf takes him up on the offer to eat off his plate. “I’m fine. Wouldn’t want to give anyone the notion you don’t mind people slacking off their assigned rotation.”

He lets me go with a nod. I retreat to the safety of the kitchen.

The respite only lasts a short while before Taryn finds me.

“Avery,” she sing-songs. “Apparently, Alpha Blackburn’s appetite isn’t satisfied.”

She waggles her brows.

“What? He’s still here?” I blurt.

She shakes a basket of scones. “He wants more.”

“Food,” I clarify.

“Of course.” She winks. “What else would I mean?”

Sighing, I brave the dining hall to bring him a second helping. This time rather than watch me, he stares down everyone else, giving those that still eye me in distaste a hard glare.

I deliver the food and hurry out of the hall, certain that this will be the end of this bizarre breakfast shift.

Except just as I get ready to leave, Taryn finds me a third time.

“Avery.” She can’t keep her smile in check and puts another dish in my hands. “The alpha’s still hungry. Called for you again.”

“Again?” I exclaim in exasperation.

A hot tug pulls in my chest with his will to draw me out. I swallow, fighting how much I want to answer.

Another tug.

Come to me, it whispers enchantingly. I inch towards the dining hall.

Damn it.

I try to give the food back. “You take it.”

She smirks, peeking through the window. “I don’t think so. He’s watching the door, waiting for you.” She nudges me out and smacks my backside. “Good luck. Go get ‘em.”

This time I circle his table and loom over his chair when I plop the third helping down. “Why do you keep calling me back every five minutes?”

He lifts his amused gaze to me. “I’m hungry.”

“Should I stand here and feed you, too?” I mutter.

His enticing hum is laced with intrigue. The deep, smoky noise stirs something pleasant in my core.

“As much as I like that idea, no.” His knuckle brushes the inside of my wrist and his lips twitch. “I should get my day started. If Liam pokes his head in here one more time to check on me, he’ll drag me out by my tail.”

I roll my lips between my teeth, wrestling back the urge to follow him out before he’s even left. “Well, I hope you enjoyed this.”

“I did.” He stands and gives me a drawn out once over, tracing his lower lip with his tongue. “My wolf, too.”

“Good,” I huff. “Because it won’t be happening again.”

His mouth curves and he dips his nose, inhaling with the faintest rumble of pleasure that makes my insides melt. Everything in me strains to lean into him, to tilt my head and give him my throat. My cheeks heat at the hooded look he pins me with before he sweeps his gaze at all the packmates in the dining hall.

“I’ll see you later.”

Caden leaves me standing at the head table with every eye in the room on me. The inside of my wrist tingles with the memory of his touch.

19CADEN

Liam nudges my boot beneath the desk from his guard position next to my chair. It’s the third time he’s done that since my office opened for this week’s hearing hour.

I tune back in to what Josine Merryweather’s come to complain about.

“And I just think it isn’t right. Not after all that trouble the Morgans brought for your father when he was such a great man. A capable and noble leader, didn’t deserve no challenges to question his right as our alpha.”

“Sorry—you’re looking for me to…?” My brow quirks.

“Well, do something about it, Alpha Blackburn.” She clicks her tongue. “Someone ought to check for sure if that girl wasn’t lying about feeling you were True Mates. My daughters both are much worthier matches.”

Liam coughs to cover his amusement because it seems all the dams have come out of the woodwork to play matchmaker to find me a mate. He stands at my side, along with others on security detail dotted around my office. The line stretches out the door and down the hall. Possibly out to the covered front porch.

These meetings are open to hear the concerns of the pack. Usually they’re an opportunity to bring their disagreements before me, like the elders that bicker over land disputes, applying for a chosen mate ceremony, or requesting a visit with other packs.

Today it’s been nothing but this, full of gossip. The first few days following the bonfire, there were only murmurings amongst the pack about what happened. Rejecting your fated mate isn’t common, though after the initial shock the pack spread it around that I was right to do it because I needed a strong mate.

Maybe it would’ve passed if I’d stuck to ignoring Avery. Or at least attempting to while I fought everything in me yearning for her. I’m not fighting the bond anymore. I want to show the pack I accept her, as a Morgan I’ve forgiven and as my mate.

The whispers returned in full force after this morning when she made her way through the dining hall to the head table. My lips twitch in satisfaction.

Avery smelled mine.

Last night in the clearing, and this morning. A message to every male of who she belongs to.

It’s the reason I was late getting back to the lodge before we started, lingering far longer than I usually do with a second and third helping just to spend another minute basking in her covered in my scent, sweet delectable honey mixed with my musk all over her.

Josine stares at me expectantly.

“I assure you, it’s true that we are fated.” I touch my sternum, anchored by the resonation in the bond. “There’s no way to fake this.”

She blinks in disbelief, growing desperate. “But you rejected her.”

I frown, rubbing the ache flaring behind my ribcage. “I did.”

“Are you going to accept her, then? It’s not right.”

“I plan to, yes. Do you have a problem with your alpha accepting my True Mate?”

She squirms at the flat look I level her with, dropping her gaze with a mutter and shaking her head.

“Good.” At my glance, Liam herds her out.

“Yes, okay,” he says to appease her when she holds him up at the door. “It’ll be noted. Next.”

Callie’s never going to let me hear the end of this. She’s been annoyed with me as it is, ever since I made the mistake of spitting in fate’s face, as she puts it. I’ve only seen her at meals in the last week when she deems to join me, and she’s spoken maybe three sentences to me in total. She avoids me around the lodge, sticking to her rooms.

I brace myself as another female strides in with her daughter in tow.

“Alpha, I’ve come to insist you consider my Terra.” She pushes her daughter until she’s right in front of my desk.

I nod dutifully. “Very well.”

Terra squeaks and lowers her gaze. Liam’s steadfast composure is close to cracking when the poor girl’s made to turn in a circle by her mother and recite some rehearsed babble about her loyalty to the Blackburns. Ford isn’t faring as well. He leans heavily on Gabe’s shoulder to hide his laughter in his mate’s shirt, drawing miffed leers from the older female.

I wave a hand, massaging the dull throb in my temple while they’re ushered out and another she-wolf strides in. Each time I inform them I’m not considering any other mate than Avery. The reactions are mixed, ranging from some surprised yet accepting to some who are openly aggressive, trying to make me change my mind with their bias. I berate myself for allowing my wrongly placed hatred to bleed into the pack, wanting to correct their opinion of her.

It continues on for the rest of the hour. Before long, my mind drifts to Avery again.

Holding her in my arms while she fell apart made it clear to me that I wanted to become her strength and take away every ounce of hardship I caused her. Being the cause of her pain wrecked me. It was like being burned alive from the inside out, the bond punishing me for hurting her.

I didn’t know what else to do last night other than start with an apology, but it doesn’t make me worthy of her forgiveness. Not yet.

It almost killed me not to kiss her. I nearly did when I was scenting her because her pheromones made me wild.

First I need to fix everything I’ve broken between us, including the bond I refused. I want to deserve her before I claim my mate.

My wolf appreciates it when we get under the sun and open sky to oversee the second day of enforcer tryouts. He’s grown antsy after being cooped up all morning in the lodge offices listening to criticisms of our mate, only quelled by me refuting every one of them and countering their judgment of Avery.

The nitty gritty of running the pack doesn’t hold his attention unless a show of dominance is needed. He’s much more interested in running circles around this year’s crop of hopefuls for one of the most coveted job assignments in the pack.

Out of all the rules I set, this is the area I’m strictest over. I don’t let just anyone join the roster of those who pledge to protect the pack. Everyone is welcome to apply, but only the best make it through.

I squint when I spot Lorne and my uncle watching from the pavilion outside the dining hall. Lorne hasn’t shown his face at tryouts after I wouldn’t accept him three years ago. He was pissed because he expected his name and our shared bloodline to carry him through, and that’s exactly why my gut told me not to let him join.

My cousin was clever enough to wait until my father wasn’t Alpha to try out, but also too hotheaded. He’s not the type I trust with the security of the pack.

I don’t like how any of them treat females, either. Especially the ones mated to them or living within Cormac’s compound. His timid mate scuttles around, cowering if any male so much as looks her way. Their daughters and Sylvie’s sisters Cormac’s farmed off in arranged matings to grow his brood never look happy, but I can barely get near any of them to confirm if they’re being mistreated.

Cormac wanted to be Alpha. It’s no secret, my father told me as much. He never challenged his brother to claim the pack, and Lorne hasn’t outright challenged me. I promised Dad I’d never lose a challenge if Cormac or his sons ever tried to take the pack. I’m ready for the day Lorne finally does so I can put an end to their rank chasing. Until one of them acts, all I can do is keep an eye on them.

It becomes clear why they’re there when Cormac’s youngest son trots by to join the groups gathered on the commons. Weston isn’t as mouthy as Dane or an exact copy of his father like Lorne. Though we all share Blackburn blood, none of them feel like family. Not the way Liam’s my brother.

Liam follows my stare. “Want me to mark him down as a fail now? Save us all some time?”

“I’ll decide when we’ve seen how he fares through all the tests,” I answer. “Everyone gets a fair shot, those are the rules.”

Liam shrugs. “Okay. So make sure he’s in Hodge’s group?”

Hodge is old school. He’s a few years older than my father and grew up with him. He takes no prisoners when it comes to the safety of our territory and gives the hardest tests to pass. Most that end up in his group surrender before the week is out.

I smirk. “Exactly.”

“I bet you the stag in our freezer the kid pukes in the first twenty minutes,” Ford says when he joins us.

Gabe slaps him in the chest. “Don’t bet my food or I’ll knock you out. You know I was tracking it all weekend.”

Liam snorts. “You heard the man. Don’t you show your mate any respect?”

“He gets it…” Ford pauses to smirk.

We all groan, knowing how he’ll finish that sentence after how many times he’s fired off his favorite quip about giving it to Gabe all night long.

“Go put the hopefuls through hell to see who proves themselves,” I instruct.

If I thought my open office time was bad this morning, it’s nothing compared to the tang of hostility in the air later at dinner. It sets me on edge when I take my seat. I stare the tables down, satisfied when elders and young males alike back off with their gazes dropped to their plates.

The tense energy dissipates and I relax a bit. Thankfully Avery’s not on the rotation tonight. I checked the assignment schedule posted outside the lodge. I need to have her switched off kitchen duty and get her a meeting with the pack healer and his assistant. I consider other ways to rectify the pack’s opinion of her by integrating her back into it, like making sure she feels welcome at the next full moon run.

Hodge takes his usual seat. “Good stock this year. Strong wolves, sharp instincts.”

“You’ve got some winners in your group that you haven’t killed yet?” The corner of my mouth kicks up and I pass him the gravy.

He chuckles. “My torture sessions haven’t come to an end yet. Ask me again in another few days.”

I’m relieved he’s impressed. One less worry lightening the load on my shoulders if I can put my trust in some new members on the roster to allow older shifters their well-earned break.

Everything’s fine through the first half of the meal until a brazen she-wolf approaches the head table in heeled boots. Seline pushes her luck by stepping right up to me like Avery did earlier. She’s a few years older than me. I remember her having school lessons with Lorne.

“Alpha, I’m putting myself forward,” she announces.

“If you want to be part of the enforcers, the tryout applications go out in the middle of the summer,” Liam says.

She flicks a dismissive hand at him. “No, I mean as the ideal candidate to become Alpha female of the pack.”

I put my fork down with a clatter. This is why I’ve never shown any favor to the females, not even to blow off steam.

“No.” It’s blunt.

She leans on the table, squishing her ample cleavage until she’s about to spill out of her low-cut top. “I’m what the females need. I’m ready to challenge any of your mate candidates.”

A grumble builds in my throat. “Not interested. Neither is my wolf.” I survey the hall, making sure they’re all paying attention before I raise my voice. “Avery Morgan is my True Mate.”

“She’s not a worthy match,” someone at the back says before hiding.

My fist thumps the table. “She’s more than worthy. She’s strong and resourceful. How many of you sought her aid or remedies?” There’s a split reaction, some more agreeable and others holding out. “I intend to undo my rejection and claim her.”

Hushed chatter breaks out. I wish Avery was here tonight after all. I’m making myself clear to the pack so they back off of her.

I wave Seline off. “There won’t be any challenge. Go sit down.”

She purses her lips, then strides off with an uppity huff. Liam snorts, pushing the pitcher of beer within reach.

“You believe that? Man’s crazy,” someone jeers loudly. “Can’t be trusted when he doesn’t see tits like that right in front of him. Prefers that little witchling to a sexy she-wolf like Seline.”

My head snaps up, brows flattening. It’s the final straw.

“Who said that? Stand. Now.”

Heads swivel to see. My drawn out growl rattles the dishes in front of me when Dane Blackburn rises with a mulish expression. I find Uncle Cormac three seats down and grit my teeth at the smirk dancing on his weathered features.

I click my fingers at Dane, pointing at the open space between the head table and the rest of the hall. His expression falls and he gapes at his older brother.

“If you’re brave enough to run your mouth, you face the consequences yourself. Come forward now.” I fold my arms, watching his limbs jerk to obey the power infused in my order. As soon as he’s before me, I snarl. “Shift.”

Dane yelps as I force his wolf out. A few others are also compelled to change with grunts and surprised curses. Mine fights me for my skin, ready to attack anyone who disparages our mate. His growls thunder from me with his fury. Our mate is amazing. She is our perfect, fate-deigned match.

If I don’t control myself, he’ll kill my cousin the second I give him the reins.

I keep Dane’s wolf pinned beneath an unforgiving stare. He flashes his teeth with an edgy rumble, sensing the imminent danger he’s put himself in. Wrong fucking move.

My wolf bursts forward, tearing through my clothes. Then I’m on him with a tackle, knocking him back. He folds his ears and swipes at me. My wolf chuffs, teeth snapping viciously at Dane’s flank. He barks, skittering out of reach.

I trot around the circle. Dane isn’t a challenge for me to spar with. This is about making a point to the pack that I won’t allow anything less than the order I strive for.

And I won’t fucking tolerate their disrespect or animosity towards Avery any longer.

He makes another move, hackles raised. The sloppy attack only goads my wolf’s thirst for bloodshed. He’s faster and three times the size of Dane. He stalks his opponent with a ferocious snarl.

Dane tries to escape, probably wanting to hide under the tables. My teeth close on his back leg, and I yank him back with a vicious jerk. His claws scrabble the floor, a desperate whine flying free.

I bite down harder. Blood floods my mouth, then my teeth crunch through bone. Dane’s wolf screams. I release him, licking blood and sticky clumps of fur from my maw.

I allow him to feel his chance at freedom before rushing him to knock him down. Then I break his other leg, wrenching it until a chunk of meat strips off. I shake my snout, spitting the hunk of tendon and flesh to the floor.

Dane drags his injured legs, attempting to stand only to falter and slump to the floor. Panting and whining, he gives in, crawling with his tail tucked and belly pressed to the ground as best as he can get it.

I growl, peeling my lips back until he rolls to his back and exposes his belly. My wolf doesn’t want his submission. He still wants to sink his teeth in his neck.

Dane loses his shift, curled up on the floor with a groan and several broken bones. Satisfied I’ve made an example of him, I take my skin back from the wolf.

“Weston,” I call sharply. “Come collect your brother off the floor before he stains the wood.”

He bolts over without hesitation. I study him, looking for any disloyalty that would make him a bad choice to approve for the security team. He hauls Dane up and looks to me for my next command.

I search for the nearest enforcer, landing on Tobin at one of the middle tables. “You go with them. Take Dane to the patrol cabin.”

Tobin steals another cut of grilled meat for the road and hustles down the aisle between tables.

“Is there anyone else who believes this bullshit rumor that Avery is a witch? No?” I stalk the length of the hall. “Good. Let me assure you, I’ve investigated the matter myself and can confirm these rumors are unfounded.”

“She’s a Morgan,” says one of the elders loyal to my father.

“She’s pack.” The wolf rides my words as I cast my dominant stare around the room until all I see are bent necks. “My worthy, goddess-blessed mate. You’ll all forget your scorn of the Morgan name. And this is the last I want to hear otherwise.”

Silence gives way to murmurs of assent. Some are approving, like Candace from maintenance group C and Alisha from the healer’s cabin. There’s much less opposition tainting the air than there was at the start of dinner. I watch the Blackburn clan table for any other signs of challenge. Their heads are bowed to expose their necks. I’m almost disappointed.

I glance at Liam and without a word from me, he nods in understanding. This is why he’s my beta over anyone else. Because if I were to fall, I’d want him leading in my stead.

The door bangs behind me on my way out. I didn’t bother pulling on what’s left of my shredded clothes, calling the wolf forth before I’m down the steps. My paws land in the grass and I take off into the tree line.