Текст книги "Love Unscripted"

Автор книги: Tina Reber

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Текущая страница: 35 (всего у книги 40 страниц)

fractured above the wrist, but as you see we’ve already addressed that with a cast. Your ribs are severely bruised, but luckily there are no fractures.

You’ll be quite sore for several weeks though. The contusions on your skin will eventually fade. We will treat your injuries with pain management

medications. Your lip and face are swollen from the impact, but fortunately it doesn’t require stitches. And you’ve got a fair amount of bruising and

what we call ‘road rash’ but that will all heal with time. We expect you to make a full recovery.” He smiled. “My colleague, Doctor Willsten, has been

called in to assess the fetal risk.”

I looked up at Ryan; he was trying to soak that one in.

I gasped in a few ragged breaths.

“Ryan, they just told me I’m pregnant.” My voice was shaky with fear of telling him this news. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. My eyes flickered back to

his.

“Pregnant?” He shook his head slightly. “I thought…”

“The doctor said that the antibiotics I took a couple of weeks ago could have affected my birth control pill.” I felt a tear leave my eye. “I’m so

sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I’d like to do an ultrasound now,” Doctor Willsten announced, rolling the cart closer to the bed.

My legs were draped in a sheet while the doctor inserted a long probe inside me. The anxiety of finding out that I was pregnant made my legs

shake.

“Ow…” I winced from the pain.

“Sorry, I know it’s uncomfortable.” My pain didn’t stop him.

The doctor was hitting a lot of buttons, taking some sort of readings. He marked an X at one end of a circle and another X on the opposite side.

I was staring intently at the monitor, wondering how the hell he knew what he was looking it.

“You’re about six and a half weeks along. Hmm.” He looked at a little calendar and counted backwards. “Christmas baby!” He smiled at us. I felt

Ryan squeeze my hand.

He clicked a few more buttons and we heard this strange noise over the machine’s speaker. It was a fast whooshing noise.

“What is that?” Ryan asked hesitantly.

“That’s the heartbeat,” the doctor stated.

The machine printed out a picture, which the doctor handed to Ryan. “That’s the embryo.”

Ryan leaned on my pillow next to my head. A huge smile crossed his face.

“That’s our baby? I’m going to be a father? Oh, Tar!” He kissed my forehead.

I was so scared to see how he would react. Nervous visions of him being angry and fleeing the emergency room were instantly replaced by calm

and joy. I was so relieved that he seemed okay with the news. Our life had just made a monumental turn in a new direction.

Doctor Willsten spoke to another doctor on the other side of the curtain. I could only make out several words, some of which were “continue to

monitor” and “possible placental abruption.” When he returned to speak to me, his face was stoic.

“Ms. Mitchell, we have a private room ready for you now. We’re going to move you to the neo-natal wing. We’ve noticed some abnormalities on

the ultrasound. We’re going to continue to monitor you overnight just to keep an eye on things. The impact from the accident was centered on your

abdomen and we’re concerned about your well being. If all goes well, you should be able to go home in a day or so.”

I was wheeled into a room with two beds but they assured me that I would have the room to myself, considering our status. Random nurses kept

passing by my door, all gawking in my room to get a look at Ryan.

Ryan pulled the guest chair over to the side of my bed and took my hand in his. “Honey, what happened?”

I swallowed hard, trying to remember the details of the last few hours. “I was leaving for the airport; I came down the alley. Just as I was ready to

cross Mulberry, I saw Angelica sitting in her car.”

“What? Are you telling me she’s out of jail?” His voice bellowed his anger.

“Yeah. She was sitting in her Plymouth. I was terrified.” My lips trembled. I felt like crying.

“She was on the other side of Mulberry where she always parks. Just when I got to the edge of the alley she pulled up to the stop sign. I thought

she was going to run me down.” I scratched my fat lip. “I ran across the street. I was so stupid. I was watching her instead of looking where I was

going.”

Ryan softly kissed my cheek. “I love you so much.”

“I probably look horrible.” I wanted him to stop staring at me for a minute. I attempted to place my new blue cast over my eyes. “Ow,” I cried out.

Pain immediately shot into my shoulder when I moved my arm, forcing me to remember additional parts of the accident.

“You were hit by a car! I don’t care how you look. I’m just glad you’re alive.”

I tried to smile. “Do I look like you did when you fought those bad guys?” I held the ice pack closer to my lip.

He smiled and nodded. “Yeah! Just a little! But your makeup looks real.” He trailed his finger over my cheek.

Of course we weren’t alone for long. Two young nurses came into my room, smiling frantically at the sight of Ryan.

“Hi there! My name is Kerry,” a slender brunette wearing bright purple scrubs announced. “This is Natalie. We’ll be taking care of you tonight.”

Natalie was busy writing their names and the date on the dry erase board on my wall.

While they tended to me, Ryan was off in the corner, making phone calls. He called his parents and spoke to his father. His parents were going

to take the first available flight out.

I heard two men speaking briefly outside my door. Then a man in a suit knocked on my door and allowed himself entry.

“Ms. Mitchell, I’m Walter Krause, Hospital Administrator. How are you feeling?”

I was hit by a car. How do you think I’m feeling? This was just like the stupid questions that Ryan got asked every time he had to do an

interview.

“I’ve been better,” I muttered, looking at the IV that they inconveniently stuck in the top of my hand.

“Yes, well, I want to let you know that we will do our best to provide you with privacy while you are a patient here, but I hope you understand that

we cannot guarantee policing all the corridors.”

There was nothing in place to prevent any stranger from walking into the hospital and into my room.

My eyes flickered back to Ryan as he ended his call quickly.

“Mr. Krause, Ryan Christensen.” Ryan held out his hand. “I have hired private security for Taryn. You’ll inform me directly of any considerations

or difficulties during her stay. I do not want you or any other member of your staff to concern her with those details. She needs to rest and heal.”

“Of course, Mr. Christensen. That’s why I’m here. Perhaps we can speak privately in my office.”

“I trust your staff will comply with the medical privacy act?” Ryan stressed.

“Yes, of course. However we are only governed to keeping her medical condition and records private. I will instruct the staff on proper conduct,”

Mr. Krause said.

“I’ll be contacting my Publicist to release a formal statement to the media. No other statements are to be made by any member of this hospital

without consulting with me first. Is that clear?” Ryan’s authoritative tone made me grin.

“Yes. I understand. Would you like to take a few moments to come to my office?”

“Thank you but no, not at this time. Mike?” Ryan called out.

Mike, Ryan’s bodyguard, came into my room.

“Mr. Krause, was it? This is my security manager, Mike Murphy. He will be handling all security matters.” The two men shook hands.

“I don’t want any reporters or photographers on this floor. There will be a security team posted outside her door at all times. We can have a

discussion later or you can speak to Mr. Murphy directly for any security matters. Right now my priority is her.” Ryan rubbed his hand across my

head.

“Very well. We can talk later. If there’s anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Mr. Krause seemed a bit perturbed with the way Ryan just handled him. I didn’t care. I loved Ryan’s “no bullshit” take charge attitude. It was one

of the qualities that I loved the most about him.

Ryan barely nodded at Mr. Krause. He was stroking my hair, totally focused on me. The nurses were still waiting inside my room – for what, I

didn’t know.

“We’re just going to check the fetal heartbeat again,” one of the nurses informed.

She rolled up my hospital gown and pressed the microphone thing into my bruised stomach. Soon we were able to hear the whoosh-whoosh

noise of our baby’s heartbeat again.

Ryan smiled gloriously and kissed my forehead tenderly.

“That’s our baby in there!” he whispered his happiness privately in my ear. “I love you so much.”

I was elated that he was fine with me being pregnant; he was actually beyond fine with it. I was able to relax and not worry; it made all the pain

seem worthwhile. I smiled back at him with pure joy and love in my heart. He was going to be a father; I was going to be a mother. His blue-eyed

baby was growing inside me.

I felt the nurse wiggle the microphone when the whooshing noise ceased; my attention immediately turned to her. The two nurses were looking

at each other; neither of them looked happy. One of the nurses quickly darted out of the room.

My smile faded and a sharp pain stabbed me in the bellybutton. I felt wetness gush between my legs. Pain rocketed into my chest from my

bruised ribs when I tried to sit up. I panted in and out hoping that shallow breaths would help me manage the pain.

“Something’s wrong. I feel like something just popped,” I breathed out at the nurse. I wanted to know what was wet between my legs. I tried to

grab the top of the bed sheet so I could get my hand underneath it, but the stupid IV sticking out of my hand caught the bedrail. I felt the tube that

was stuck in my vein poke me. “Ow!” I squeezed my eyes from the discomfort.

Just then another sharp pain stabbed me again; this one so intense that it caused me to cry out in agony. The nurse pulled the bed sheet down

past my feet, allowing me a split second to feel between my legs with my hand. Crimson red blood was all over my fingertips.

The other nurse wheeled the large ultrasound machine back into my room.

Doctor Willsten came running. I was hooked up to a blood pressure machine in no time. As soon as the doctor saw the amount of blood, he

quietly instructed the nurse to call for an O.R. suite. I was wise enough to know that meant surgery.

The doctor was performing the ultrasound of my stomach while the one nurse monitored my blood pressure. Ryan stayed at the head of my bed;

he was frozen in place. We were all listening intently to the whoosh-whoosh sound of our baby’s heartbeat. Gradually it slowed in tempo until it just

abruptly stopped. There was nothing but silence. I felt faint.

In an instant, four people were in my room, lifting me up by the bed sheet to relocate me on a gurney. I was wheeled out of my room in a hurry.

“Where are you taking her?” Ryan cried out.

I reached my hand out to him but a nurse was blocking Ryan from following me. The nurse stayed with Ryan when they wheeled me out of my

room.

Next thing I remember I was being rolled into a room with bright lights. People were hustling all around me. I was so confused and now

completely sedated that I couldn’t even speak if I wanted to. A nurse took each of my weak legs and propped them up in stirrups. A plastic mask

was placed over my mouth and nose. In an instant, everything was black again.

My eyes flickered when I started to wake up. It was hard to keep my eyes open for any great length of time. Some sort of machine was beeping

rhythmically in the background, lulling me back to sleep. I felt the cool rush of air streaming into my nose. I must have that air hose prong thing

stuck in my nose again.

“Taryn. How you doing hun?” Some lady spoke loudly at me. “Can you wake up for me?”

I looked at her with one eye. Who the hell are you and why are you shouting in my ear?

“Hey there! Time to wake up! We’re going to take you back to your room now. You’re going to be just fine.” She smiled at me.

I was still groggy when they brought me back to my room. I saw Mike and another man perched on chairs outside my door. They stood up when

the nurses stopped my gurney.

I could see Ryan sitting in a chair in my room; his face was in his hands until he heard the commotion in the hallway. When I saw him up close, I

noticed his eyes were red and puffy. I could tell he’d been crying. Sitting across the room from him was the hospital chaplain.

The doctor explained that the impact caused my placenta to separate from my uterus and that the baby didn’t make it. The doctor had to remove

it all from my body, but he assured us that I’d still be able to have children.

The chaplain tried to give us words of comfort, using soft tones and encouraging us to believe in God’s will. He said a prayer for the innocent life

that left us today. Although I appreciated his efforts, I thanked him and asked him politely to give Ryan and me some privacy.

Ryan set his face on my chest and gently wrapped my bruised body in a hug; I draped my good arm up around him. I felt his tears as they

soaked into my gown. We both sobbed uncontrollably, breaking down from the agony of our loss.

“There you go!” Marie gently smiled at me as she finished wrapping a long scarf around my neck and face. “No one will see your puffy lip now.”

“Are there a lot out there?” I motioned with my chin towards the window.

“A few,” Ryan muttered, helping me with my coat. “Don’t worry about them. They won’t see you leave. Are you sure about this? I mean I’ll charter

a private plane…”

“No, Ryan. Please? I want to go home. I just want to get out of this hospital and sleep in my own bed.”

“But Marla said that…” Ryan continued.

“I don’t care what your Publicist said,” I raised my voice slightly. “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to hide somewhere. Maybe it would have been

better if that damn car would have killed me, or better yet, Angelica running me over. That would be a better story for the media.”

Ryan scowled at me. “Don’t be so melodramatic.”

“Marie, please tell the nurse I’m ready to leave and get me out of here… please?” I pleaded.

I was rolled via wheelchair to the loading docks where food and supplies get delivered to the hospital, all for the sake of avoiding the reporters

and photographers who were hovering around the main entrance to the hospital. I was so glad to slide onto the leather back seat of the sedan and

finally be on my way home; it made enduring the pain of getting my bruised body in the car worth it.

A crowd of reporters, photographers, and onlookers blocked the alleyway behind my pub. Our driver had to honk his horn to get people to move

out of the way. My blood was starting to boil with anger and frustration. All of this attention for what – to take more photographs of Ryan cheating on

his rekindled love, Lauren, with “the nobody” from Rhode Island?

And to top off my glorious day, there was Kyle, standing dutifully by my door with other security men to hold back the throng of photographers.

He took his sunglasses off and shoved them into his pocket when my car came to a stop.

Our stalker, Angelica, was still on the loose and yet there Kyle stood – willing to risk his own life to save mine.

His face was pained and I could tell just by the way he looked at me and held his arms out to his sides that he was telling me “I told you so.”

See this? All of this scrutiny… all of this incomprehensible, unwanted attention? More pictures to post with their web of lies? Haven’t you had

enough yet, Taryn?

Kyle’s expression quickly changed when he glanced at Ryan. His contempt for Ryan was obvious and the eye daggers that flew between the

two men were mutual. I didn’t know who hated whom more, but their hatred for each other was palpable.

“Come on Honey, I got you.” Ryan held my hand and elbow, helping me out of the car. It was difficult to stand up. My knee was very bruised and

stiff and the pain from my ribs shot down into my hips.

“Ow!” I winced.

“I won’t let go,” Ryan muttered. He helped me take a step. “Do you want me to carry you?” he whispered.

“No,” I groaned and shuffled a few steps. I didn’t want the photographers to capture that he had to carry me and give them more reason to

create new lies.

Kyle pushed past Mike and got right into Ryan’s face. “Are you happy, Christensen? Now that one of your fans almost killed her?”

Mike quickly turned and intervened, blocking Kyle in the chest with his hands. “Hey, back off! Cool it, Kyle!”

“When is enough enough Taryn?” Kyle cried out. Mike and another guard scuffled with Kyle, pulling him back.

Ryan turned to deal with Kyle; the anger on Ryan’s face was evident.

“Ryan?” I breathed out from the pain, diverting his attention back to me. “Honey, just get me inside, please. Please?”

I wanted Ryan to stay focused and ignore Kyle’s accusations. Having Ryan miserable and brooding would be no help to anyone, especially me. I

clutched Ryan’s arm with my hand and leaned into his chest as he carefully led me to the door.

Ryan was only able to stay with me four more hours before he had to catch a flight and return to the set in Florida. He couldn’t hold up production

any longer; this film was a multi-million dollar investment just to shoot. He had already been away for three days.

It felt like another whole section of my heart was torn away when he left. It didn’t matter that he called me every few hours.

Ryan’s mom insisted on taking care of me for a few days and Marie was in and out of the apartment twenty times a day as well. I was wondering

when they both would get sick of watching me cry. My doctor finally prescribed antidepressants to help me cope.

Everyone in our inner circle knew that I had lost a baby. It only took three days after my discharge from the hospital for the rest of the world to be

informed of the same. The media had a field day when the news broke. Speculation of my pregnancy stemmed from the fact that my room was in

the neo-natal wing of the hospital, but then was confirmed by some hospital informants who wished to remain anonymous. Those informants

conveniently included the fact that I had lost the baby I was carrying…Ryan Christensen’s illegitimate child.

Ryan’s Publicist released a statement that stated I was hit by a car while crossing the street and that no one was at fault for the accident. Every

branch of the media also ended that same story with a blurb that his reps neither confirm nor deny the pregnancy rumors.

Marla even made a special phone call to remind me to keep my mouth shut. Well, she didn’t exactly say those words but that was the message

she delivered. I was tempted to tell her where she could shove her “public image management.”

My employees were also given gag orders and were reminded not to speak publicly to anyone about anything.

It was soon after that when Ryan and I had our first major fight over the phone, and his mom was sitting in the same room with me when it

happened.

“What the hell did you say to Marla?” Ryan barked in my ear. “She informed me that she will no longer be speaking directly to you.”

“Marla can go to Hell,” I replied. “She’s worthless in my book.”

“Taryn! She’s my Publicist! I’ve had her for years now.”

I huffed. “Ryan! She’s so damn worried that I might speak to anyone about my accident but yet she keeps allowing all those rumors about you

having an affair with Lauren going? Oh, and what about the reports of you calling Suzanne to cry on her shoulder? I don’t see her doing anything to

squelch those lies either so I let her know how I felt.”

“What is she supposed to do?” he raised his voice to me again.

“She should do her damn job! She’s supposed to protect your reputation, right? And now she also represents me?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. She can’t stop what’s printed,” he snapped back.

“Like hell she can’t! It took her no time at all to put out a public statement pretty much shading over the fact that I’m an imbecile who crossed a

street without looking both ways, but she doesn’t have anything to say about your supposed affairs? How about a big freaking public statement that

says Ryan Christensen is not sleeping with Lauren Delaney or Suzanne Strass?”

“She won’t do that,” he said flatly. “And don’t you dare ask her to do that either.”

“Why?” The tears from his betrayal came to my eyes.

“Because controversy is what’s going to sell tickets.”

I scoffed. “I can’t believe this! My life, my reputation, they are all up for grabs, but Heaven forbid that we mess with ticket sales!”

“Taryn, just stop.”

“No! Screw that. I’m sitting here – banged up – broken – our first child is gone and I have to swallow it all because of ticket sales. You know

what Ryan? Fuck you!” I snapped my phone shut.

His mother’s mouth dropped open but I didn’t care anymore. He just informed me where I rated on his priority list.

Two minutes later he called back. I hung up on him and then turned my cell phone off. The tears were pouring out of my eyes. The pain in my

stomach from my ribs being bruised was no longer stifled by Percocet. I pulled a pillow over top of my ice pack and wept uncontrollably.

“Taryn, Honey.” His mother tried to console me. “Don’t get yourself so upset.”

Her cell phone rang.

“I’m not talking to him right now!” I sputtered through my tears.

“Ryan, you shouldn’t get Taryn upset like this! She needs to heal!” She moved her conversation to my kitchen, but I could still hear her.

“Son, she lost a baby! You need to be more understanding. She’s in the living room crying her eyes out. She doesn’t need this stress right now.

I know Honey – you don’t either.”

Ellen came back into the living room and held out her phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Tell him to ask Marla what I should say.” I wiped my eyes with my shirtsleeve.

“Taryn!” She used that stern mother tone with me. That was all I could take.

I grabbed the end of the couch with my unbroken arm and slid my body to the edge so I could stand up. “Ow,” I cried out, hunching from the pain

that rocketed through my body.

“Just stay sitting,” she reprimanded me.

“No, I need to stand up,” I grit through my teeth.

She tried to brace me but there wasn’t a spot on my body that wasn’t bruised or busted. I managed to get my legs underneath me and I slowly

straightened up. Ellen held out her phone with Ryan still holding. I took it from her hand.

“You know, when I was lying in the street, I was so relieved when the paramedics strapped me to that board and finally put me in the ambulance.

It meant that I was no longer on display for the paparazzi to take my picture over and over again while I lay there bleeding. Then when the paramedic

cut every piece of clothing off my body and I felt like I was being raped, I thought that that was the worst moment of my life.

“Then when the doctor told us that our child died inside me, I thought that was the worst moment of my life. But to hear that my life has to

continue in a circle of lies and pain so that people go to see your movies, it just makes it all worthwhile. Thank you for that.” I snapped her phone

shut and handed it back to her. I locked my bedroom door behind me.

A few hours later Ellen gently knocked on my door. “Taryn, Honey? Are you hungry?”

“No thank you.” I had gone through an entire box of tissues from crying. I knew she had talked to Ryan about five times. Her phone rang every

twenty minutes.

“Come on sweetheart, you have to eat something. You haven’t eaten all day.”

I didn’t care; I wasn’t hungry so I ignored her.

Ten minutes later there was another knock on my door. This knock was louder.

“Taryn, it’s Marie. Open up.”

I had to give Ryan’s mom credit; she was resourceful.

“I’m okay, Marie. Just leave me alone.” I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to wallow in my own misery.

“Hey Pete, it’s Marie. I need you to come over to Taryn’s and take her bedroom door down. She locked herself in. Just bring a drill and saw so

we can cut the doorknob off. What? I should just kick it in with my foot?”

Marie smiled at me when I opened the door. She only pretended to call Pete. “That’s what’s going to happen if you ever lock yourself in here

again,” she informed.

I heard Ellen talking on her phone, obviously to Ryan. She scurried for the living room when I came out of my room. She was giving Ryan a playby-

play account of my actions. He called his mom several times that night, but I refused to talk to him each time. I was so hurt that no apology could

fix it. The next afternoon, flowers showed up. Three dozen long stemmed red roses accompanied by an “I love you – I’m so sorry” note. I left them in

the box to rot. Like roses would make everything better somehow – perhaps give me a rosy outlook? Yeah right! So much for a happy Valentine’s

Day. If his mother weren’t here, they would have gone in the trash, but Ellen found my crystal vase and spent a few minutes fussing with them.

“You know this is tough on him too,” she uttered, setting the rose arrangement on my dining table. “He is suffering along with you.”

I knew she wanted me to see his side through my self-centered focus, but I was still so angry with him that I was only worried about protecting

myself now. He obviously didn’t care enough to protect my reputation so I was on my own.

Ellen sprayed polish on a rag and started dusting my furniture. Something made her smile.

“Do you remember that time when Ryan called his father from here and told him that you took him fishing?” She turned to look at me.

“Yes,” I answered her, recalling that evening quite clearly.

“He called me later that night when he got back to his hotel.” She smiled. “He was so elated! He said, ‘Mom, I found the woman I’m going to

marry!’ Of course I was thrilled for him, but as his mother I was also concerned. I mean he had only known you for a few weeks, but he was so sure

right from the very start. Taryn, you know he loves you more than anything in this world, don’t you?”

Her guilt trip was working. I tried to hold firm to my reasons for feeling betrayed so my position in this fight would be validated, but her one-sided

conversation was pecking at my resolve. I started to feel like crap for being mad at him.

“He said last night that he feels completely responsible for the accident. After all, it was one of his demented fans that terrorized you, and you

were on your way to see him when he couldn’t be here.”

“It’s not his fault,” I muttered. “He shouldn’t think that.”

“But he does,” she assured me. “He cried so hard last night when I talked to him.” Her voice trembled with pain and remorse.

“He… he said he killed his baby.” Her hand covered her quivering lips when she spoke the words, stifling her urge to cry out loud. Ellen quickly

dropped the dust rag and shielded her face in her hands when her tears broke.

Tears of my own cracked again and I watched her hurry away to the bathroom through my blurry eyes.

He didn’t kill our baby – I did. I was the heinous monster.

“Taryn, I’m so sorry,” Ryan breathed in the phone when he answered my call.

I couldn’t stop crying. I never knew I had so many tears to shed in one lifetime.

Chapter 32 – Downward Spirals

I turned my laptop off when I had enough. New pictures were posted on the Internet of Ryan coming out of

the back door of some exclusive club in Miami. His eyes were glazed over and he looked wasted, which

angered me. Seeing gorgeous Lauren Delaney smiling in the same picture, just two steps behind Ryan,

scorched my heart. Viewing the photos of Ryan guiding Lauren into the same car so they could head back to

their hotel just about sent me over the edge.

He’d been partying a lot lately since my accident. Late night cast dinners, rumors of the excessive drinking

binges, private outings with Lauren, and his denials of it all over the telephone were piling up on me.

Photos from the set were leaked and posted all over the Internet as well. Clear shots of Ryan playing with

Lauren’s rings on her fingers, sitting so close that you couldn’t slide a sheet of paper between them made me

crack into tears. It was hard to discern what interaction between them was for the film and what was… not.

And then there was the kissing...

The pictures of his lips on hers over and over again surrounded by words like “Rekindled Love” and

“Ryan dumps Taryn Mitchell for old flame” made me deranged.

Ryan had informed me on several occasions that Lauren had a boyfriend, but every piece of photographic

evidence pointed to that being complete bull. I wanted so badly to believe him. Some days I did; some days

my faith wavered. It didn’t help that all the tabloid websites stated that her relationship with Lucas Banks was

over.

This absence from being in his presence drove the wedge deeper and deeper. Just knowing that he was

spending so much intimate time with the last woman he had a relationship with before me was terrifying.

Every day he told me he loved me. Every day that we were apart seemed to last an eternity.

I had asked my doctor for a prescription refill, using the excuse that I was still in pain. Even though my

body was healing, my mind was in pain. I was also starting to like the way the combination of antidepressants

and narcotics made me feel numb.

Ryan was dealing with his own pain, drowning his misery in alcohol. I feared that he would slip and seek

comfort in another woman’s arms – someone who wasn’t the source of his woes.

Ellen finally flew back to Pittsburgh. She had stayed with me for over two weeks, but she had to get back

home and back to running Bill’s dental office. I was fending for myself fairly well so there wasn’t any need for

her to stay. As much as I loved her, she was starting to get on my nerves.

As soon as she cleared out, Tammy moved into the guestroom.

There were quite a few moments when I had the overwhelming urge to get on a plane and fly down to

Florida to see just what the hell was going on down there, but I couldn’t. My ribs were still bruised, my arm

was in a cast, and I didn’t have medical clearance to fly.

The large black and blue marks on my face were healing, diminished to a most unpleasant yellow tinge to

my skin.

My body and face had been covered quite extensively in road rash. Many spots were scraped and