Текст книги "A Song for Us"

Автор книги: Teresa Mummert

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Chapter Fifteen

ERIC

I RUBBED MY HAND along my jaw as I stared at the messages from Sarah. How could I have left her alone last night? What did she mean she wasn’t free?

R u ok?

I hit send and made my way into the small kitchen area to get myself a glass of water. Visions of last night danced through the edge of my memory. In forty-eight hours, I had effectively destroyed things with Sarah from all sides. The kiss, the dare, the night with Donna . . . Sarah had reached out to me and I hadn’t even known because I was busy fucking up my friendship with Donna, too. By the time this trip was over, I would have no one left. My phone vibrated in my palm and my heart raced as I slid my finger over the screen.

I’m fine. Sorry I bothered u.

I stared at the words as if they would change before my eyes. I typed out a quick response: You don’t bother me.

I set my glass in the sink and ran my hand over the back of my neck, rubbing away the tightness in my muscles. The phone vibrated again.

I shouldn’t have texted u. I won’t ever again.

“Fuck,” I threw my phone, and the back flew off as it hit the wall on the other side of the bed. I needed to get the fuck out of this place before I lost my mind. For months I’d missed her, and now that she was back in my life, I’d pushed her even further away. To make things worse, I would have to face her for the next week and a half while we were all still in LA.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but I had never felt as weak as I did now. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I needed to take a step back and reevaluate what I was doing.

I decided I needed to get some of my frustration out in the gym. I hadn’t worked out in days. I changed into some shorts and a white T-shirt and set off for the gym on the first floor. It was practically empty and I was glad the twins were probably still asleep. I needed to lift, to feel the burn and ache in my muscles, but my head was going crazy.

I jumped on the treadmill and slowly upped the speed until I was full on running, staring at the television mounted in the corner of the room as I let the noise override my thoughts.

The more known our band became, the lonelier life felt. I craved having one person who knew the real me and not the guy on the stage. At least with Tucker off with his new bride, we were able to go out in public without being bothered. But all that would change again today when they finally came back.

As I turned up the speed, the sweat began to run off me, my hair clinging to my forehead as I started to breathe harder.

Trying to run from all of my problems was just like running on this treadmill. You never got anywhere.

I thought of how my family used to be, before my brother was killed. I wanted a family like that for myself, but I knew I was never meant to have that kind of happiness. I wasn’t even welcome in my own family. My legs were burning and I forced myself to keep going. I wanted exhaustion. I wanted to wear down my body and hopefully, in the process, my mind.

TWO HOURS LATER I left the gym, my body feeling as if it were ripping in two. I made my way back up to my room, glancing at Donna’s door, but deciding now probably wasn’t the time to talk about what had happened last night.

I hoped she didn’t hate me for what had happened. I didn’t think I could handle losing her on top of everything else. I slipped inside my room and took an ice-cold shower, letting the water cool me down until my breathing returned to normal.

I got dressed and grabbed my phone from the floor. It took a minute to locate the back, but I slipped it on and tried to power on. The phone wouldn’t work, and the anger that had consumed me earlier returned.

Someone knocked at the door and I groaned as I made my way over to it and yanked it open.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Terry held his hands out to his sides.

“What?”

“You won’t answer your phone, you wouldn’t answer the door. Donna is freaking out, man. You can’t just fuck a chick and ignore her.”

“I wasn’t ignoring her.”

“So you did fuck her? I got to hand it to you, man. Only you could tame the fucking ice queen.” He laughed as he slid by me into the room.

I slammed the door and ran my hands through my hair. “I broke my fucking phone and I was in the gym and the shit with Donna is not what you think.”

“Yeah, well, we are meeting Tuck down at the Lagoon. Chris already left with Donna.”

“Sarah and Derek leave yet?”

 “You know, your life is more fucking twisted than a soap opera.” Terry pulled open the door and made a sweeping gesture with his hand.

I stepped out into the hall as I laughed. “How the fuck would you know about soap operas?”

“I need my stories, man.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

We headed down to the lobby for a waiting cab to take us to the restaurant. I stared out the window the entire drive, not wanting to talk anymore about the female drama. Terry didn’t press the issue, but I could tell he was a little more excited than he should be to watch everything unfold. When you spend your life on the road, you have to get your entertainment any way you can.

When we stepped into the lobby, Donna turned to face me. I could see the worry in her eyes. I knew she wasn’t sure what my feelings toward her were after last night. I wasn’t sure either. I scanned her body, taking in her curves in her simple, formfitting, black dress. I walked over to her and put my arm around her shoulders.

“You look beautiful,” I whispered, and her lips quirked into a smile as her hand fell to my chest.

“I wasn’t sure you were coming.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I thought you’d still be sleeping off your hangover.” She shrugged, and our attention turned to the door as Tucker and Cass stepped inside. It felt as if it had been years since we had all been together. We all hugged and congratulated them, making inappropriate comments about their time alone.

“Let’s eat. I’m starving.” Tucker walked to the hostess and gave her his name. She quickly guided us back into the dining room.

“What did we miss?” he asked as we made our way to the table.

“You don’t want to know.” I shook my head.

“That bad, huh?”

I waited for Donna to sit before taking the seat next to her. Terry sat on the other side of me. Chris, Tucker, and Cass sat on the other side, leaving two empty seats in front of me, but I wasn’t sure Sarah and Derek would even show. She had made it pretty clear she wanted nothing more to do with me.

We ordered drinks as we shared stories about the bar fight and late-night partying. Tuck laughed as we told him about Derek’s spending the night in jail, but that was cut short when they finally showed.

Sarah avoided eye contact with me and Derek was being overly friendly.

“Nice of you to show up,” Terry joked.

Sarah shook her head. “I couldn’t remember the name of the place. I tried to text you.” Her gaze met mine for a second and I cocked my head, wondering why she would text me after telling me to leave her alone.

“My phone broke.” I picked up my glass of water and took a sip.

“No worries. We’re here now.” She leaned forward to look over at Cass and smile.

Chapter Sixteen

SARAH

HOW DOES IT feel being Mrs. Tucker White?” I asked as I held my hair back so it wouldn’t drag on my plate.

“It feels . . . like the way it should be.” Cass smiled and I loved how genuinely happy she was.

“I still think you should have kept your last name,” Chris chimed in as he took a bite from a roll.

“As brilliant of an idea that it was to name our son Jack Daniels, I couldn’t go through with it.”

Chris put his hand over his heart as if he were hurt, and Cass mouthed sorry to him as she smiled. “I missed this,” she said with a sigh as the waitress came over to take our orders. I hadn’t even looked over the menu. I picked it up and my eyes scanned the lists of entrées, sneaking a glance at E, who was leaning closer to Donna, discussing what they wanted to eat. Derek’s hand fell on my thigh and I looked over at him, smiling weakly as he patted my leg.

He was trying and I hated myself for wishing that he hadn’t waited so long to make an effort. I slipped my hand under the table and wrapped my fingers around his and gave them a squeeze.

“I’ll have the bacon burger with mayo,” I said as I held out my menu for the server to take. She went around the rest of the table taking everyone’s order.

After we were left alone again the drinks began to flow, and everyone was in good spirits. For once, there was no fighting, and it made me miss our tour even more.

“Next tour kicks off in a month,” Derek said to Tucker.

“We need to have Donna go over our schedule with you. Maybe we can meet up along the way, play a gig together for old times’ sake.”

“I would love to get to hang out with Cass again. I miss her.” I could feel E’s eyes on me and I avoided his gaze.

“So you can use me as your Barbie doll again?” Cass laughed and threw a roll toward me.

“Come on. You looked hot and it is always fun to be pampered.”

“You did look hot.” Tucker gave Cass a lopsided grin and kissed her temple.

“See. It was fun. Plus we could work on some new songs. Have you written anything lately?”

“I wrote a song for Tucker, but I am not sharing that with these perverts.”

“Can’t blame you there. Derek thinks everything has some sort of sexual reference.” I rolled my eyes and he elbowed me playfully in the ribs. “It’s true.”

“It’s not my fault you have a dirty mind.” He narrowed his eyes and I did the same.

“It would really be nice to have another girl around. Donna is always nose deep in business when we’re on the bus.”

“Ninety percent of my business consists of keeping E out of fights. It’s a full-time job,” Donna chimed in, and I glanced over toward her, allowing myself to look at E. His eyes were already on mine.

“That’s the easy part. You just sidetrack him with a funny story. Once you get him laughing, he forgets all about kicking ass,” I replied, and E gave me a lopsided grin.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Certainly easier than trying to shove myself between two drunken men while in heels.” Donna took a sip from her glass.

The food arrived in the middle of our conversation and everyone quieted down as we ate, except for Terry and Chris, who were arguing over who called dibs on the waitress. They never seemed to tire, and it was exhausting just watching them.

“You could always take turns. It worked out so well for you in the past,” E joked, and Terry tossed a roll at him. E picked up a handful of fries and Donna grabbed him, stopping him from starting a food fight in the middle of the restaurant.

“I call first,” Chris yelled, and everyone erupted in laughter.

Chapter Seventeen

ERIC

I SLIPPED OUTSIDE TO smoke and stared at the pond behind the restaurant. The door opened and I tried not to smile as Sarah stepped out beside me, even though it was physically painful to be near her. Her eyes focused ahead as she leaned against the wall next to me and lit her cigarette.

I flicked my ashes and blew out a puff of smoke. “Look, I’m not going to bother you anymore. But I don’t want shit to be weird between us.” I cleared my throat. “We were . . . we are friends.”

“I don’t think things have ever not been weird.” She laughed quietly.

I nodded. “I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but I want you to know I’m here if you change your mind.”

“When did I say I didn’t want to talk?” Her eyes met mine as confusion washed over her face.

The truth dawned on me and I pushed off the wall ready to beat the hell out of Derek. He was playing dirty to keep her and me away from each other. Sarah’s hand grabbed my arm to stop me as she studied my face. At least he knew I didn’t come and keep her company while he was out all night.

“What are you talking about, E? You’re the one who said you would stay away from me.”

The fight in the alley flashed in my mind, the hurt look in her eyes, and her body against mine as I tried to hold her.

“I shouldn’t have said that to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you last night. I fucked up.” I closed my eyes as I tried to block out the memory of sleeping with Donna. “Tell me what you meant when you said that you aren’t free.”

“It’s fine.” Her hand touched my cheek and electricity shot through me. “I’m fine.”

My eyes slowly opened as she pulled her hand back from my face. “What happened?” I grabbed her wrists, inspecting the purple, swollen tip of her finger.

“I got in a fight with the stove.” She shrugged, looking embarrassed. “You?” She eyed my busted knuckles.

“Brick wall.”

She smiled and my finger began to rub over her wrist absent-mindedly as I was filled with relief that Sarah wasn’t kicking me out of her life. My face slowly inched closer to hers as our breathing picked up. I pulled her finger to my lips and placed a soft kiss on the tip of it. Pink washed over her cheeks as she pulled her lower lip in and ran her teeth over it slowly, and her fingers that still held my arm tightened. There was no staying away from Sarah, and fighting the connection we had was becoming too hard. I knew she felt it. I could see it in the pink of her cheeks, and the smile that played on her lips. She let down her guard, not afraid to let me see the sadness that lingered below the surface, and I did the same. It was freeing. I knew I couldn’t turn away even if I wanted to.

“We should go inside before someone comes looking for us,” I said quietly, hating that I had to let go of her.

She nodded and we both let our hands fall to our sides as we made our way back in the door. My fingers found the small of her back as she stepped in front of me to enter, but I only let them linger for a second.

Sarah went back to the table but I took a detour to the bathroom, needing to clear my thoughts before having to look at Derek again and to not give him reason to question if we had been together. I would let him believe he had succeeded in making us turn against each other. It was better for Sarah if she didn’t have to deal with his jealousy.

I splashed cold water on my face and made my way back to the table. Everyone was talking loudly about the award show performance. Donna smiled over at me, her shoulder bumping into mine. I smiled back, hating that we would eventually have to talk about last night. I dreaded ruining things between us.

I dared a glance across the table. Derek had his arm over Sarah’s shoulders as he told Tuck about a show they had done a few weeks ago when the building lost power. Her eyes caught mine and I fought against a smile as I looked down the table at the twins, who were racing to see who could finish his beer the fastest.

I laughed along with the jokes and offered a comment when expected, but all I could think about was Sarah. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and her clothes were more everyday than her usual grunge persona. She looked out of place next to Derek, who had on thick liner and whose hair was so black it looked as if it had a blue hue.

“What?” Donna leaned into my side as her eyes studied mine. I shrugged and grabbed my beer, taking a sip. My eyes slid over her perfect porcelain face. She wore makeup, but only to enhance her features, not to hide behind. She took the time to curl her hair and dress to impress. Any man would look at her and think she was beautiful, but my heart didn’t stutter when she said my name the way it did with Sarah. I wished it did, it would make things so much simpler. I cared for her a lot and I knew I could be with her and be happy, but it would never be fair to her because I couldn’t give her my heart.

“Why don’t you like weddings?” I asked, trying to fill the void in conversation between us.

“I . . . uh . . .” Her eyes fell to her lap.

I tipped her chin up with my finger. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that here.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Maybe later?”

“Sure.” I smiled, hoping she would open up to me. I knew what it was like not to have someone to share your secrets with.

AFTER WE SETTLED the check, we took several cabs back to the hotel because there we so many of us. I tried to hide my disappointment when I wasn’t in the same one as Sarah, but that would have put me in a small space with Derek, and that would have been a bad thing.

We all took off to our rooms to get ready for the night out for the bachelor party. The girls were going to go out for drinks on their own, and Donna was already dressed up so she followed me to my room so we could finish our conversation from earlier.

Everything was as if last night hadn’t happened until we stepped inside my room. The bed was still unmade. I cleared my throat and went to dig through my bags. “So . . . weddings,” I said as I pulled out a dark gray button-down shirt.

Donna sat on the edge of the bed, her hand running over her leg nervously. “I’ve just never been a fan.”

I pulled my T-shirt over my head as I stretched my sides, still sore from working out. Her eyes slid down my body and back up.

“I was engaged once. This guy named James. We started dating freshman year of college.” She paused and I stopped buttoning up my new shirt to look at her, so she knew I was paying attention. “We were together three years. We talked about kids and moving to the suburbs. The American dream.” She smiled sadly.

I sat down next to her, nudging her leg with mine. “So what happened?”

“It wasn’t a dream, it was a nightmare. The night before our wedding I stayed at my aunt’s house so I could get ready without him seeing me in my gown. But I started to get nervous and couldn’t sleep that night. I hated being away from him. So I went to our apartment just so I could give him a kiss good-night.”

Her eyes glassed over as she wrung her hands together. I grabbed one and wrapped my fingers around it. Suddenly all I wanted was to help make her pain go away.

She smiled up at me and took a deep breath. “The lights were on in the living room when I pulled up, and I could see him inside with my best friend.” The tears slipped over her lashes and disappeared into the dark fabric of her dress.

“I’m so sorry.”

“He wasn’t. They married six months later and even invited me to the wedding.” She laughed sadly as she shook her head and more tears rolled over her cheeks. “I lost my friend, my fiancé, and my future all because I wanted a kiss good-night.”

Her gaze fell to my lips and she whispered my name before pushing her mouth softly against mine.

Chapter Eighteen

SARAH

I WASN’T A FAN of getting dressed up when I didn’t have to, but I didn’t want to look like a bum next to Donna. She was always so pulled together. I wished my life were as simple as hers. I tried to push the thought of her being with E out of my mind.

I pulled on a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans with my brown suede boots, topping it off with a cream-colored sweater that fell off the shoulder. That was as fancy as I was going to get. I didn’t know why we were even bothering. The guys wouldn’t be with us tonight. I tried to push the thought of Derek in a strip club out of my mind.

“Why do you look so fucking worried?” He laughed and kissed me on the cheek.

I narrowed my eyes at him and put my hands on my hips. “Because you’re going to have half-naked chicks all around you.”

“And you’re going out looking like that.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

He laughed and shook his head. “It means you look beautiful and every guy is going to be trying to get with you.”

My heart melted a little and I couldn’t help but smile at his being worried about me and not thinking about strippers. He was all I had in the world now, and I knew how unhealthy that was, but I couldn’t handle being hurt any more. Couldn’t handle being alone.

“We are just going to have a few drinks and talk about you guys. You have nothing to worry about.” He pressed his lips against mine and turned to walk out the door.

I sighed as I made my way into the bathroom to look in the mirror. I was as good as I was going to get. I turned off the light and headed down the hall to Donna’s room.

I knocked and there was no answer. I waited a few seconds before knocking harder as E’s door opened and they both stepped into the hall.

“Oh . . . I thought you would be in your room getting ready.” I tried not to look disappointed as my eyes met E’s.

He quickly turned his attention back to Donna. “Have fun.” He pressed his lips to her hair.

It shouldn’t bother me. I had no right to care what was going on behind his closed door.

“You ready?” Donna asked as she made her way toward me. E was a few steps behind her.

“Yeah . . .” I refused to turn around and look at him as he went to the twins’ room and banged on the door. The elevator dinged and Donna and I both stepped inside, leaning against the back wall. The door began to close and at the last second my eyes fell on his, as I was unable to stop myself.

Cass was in the lobby kissing Tucker good-bye. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed tight. I needed to tell her everything that had been going on, but I couldn’t do that with Donna around, and the only other person I could open up to was E, and I just couldn’t.

I put my smile in place along with the walls that I used to keep people from seeing what was really going on inside me. This night was a celebration of Cass and Tucker’s getting married and I wouldn’t ruin it for my friend.

Tucker had a car waiting for us outside so we wouldn’t need to bother with calling a cab and we could get around the city without his having to worry about Cass. We decided to head to Flower, an upscale bar just a few miles away.

The place was crowded but everyone was much calmer and more relaxed than at our usual haunts. We grabbed a table near the front window and ordered up a round of supergirlie drinks as Cass spilled the details of her time alone with Tucker. To hear how much love she had for him made my heart physically ache.

They had stayed at a swanky hotel about a half hour away called the Amore. Their suite was the size of a large apartment, with a hot tub in the bedroom. The walls were painted a deep royal blue with white slink curtains and bed linens. The paintings that lined the walls nearly stretched from floor to ceiling, and Tucker made sure the kitchen was stocked with all of Cass’s favorite snacks and a bottle of fizzy, pink champagne.

“The whole world just flipped on its axis since I met him. I never knew what it felt like to be genuinely happy.” Cass shrugged and Donna and I both oohed and aahed at her declarations of love.

I was surprised how Cass and I fell right back into conversation as if we hadn’t spent months apart. We had talked constantly on the phone while we were both separately on the road, but it wasn’t the same as having her by my side.

I started to warm up around Donna as well. She seemed like a nice person with a good heart, but I still wasn’t convinced she was a good fit for E. He needed someone he could share his secrets with and who wouldn’t run when he had one of his epic meltdowns. He carried a lot around inside him, and I wasn’t convinced she could handle it.

I wondered if he had confided about his childhood with her, and the thought made me feel betrayed. I hated myself for wishing he couldn’t share his past with others . . . but I did.

I tried to include her in the conversation and not cringe when I mentioned her and E.

“How long have you been together?” I asked, trying to sound cheery.

Donna’s eyes went to Cass and back to me. “Not long. It’s all kind of new.” Donna smiled.

Cass looked at me with wide eyes and I knew we’d have to find a moment to steal away later. I had so much I needed to tell her. And so much I needed to get a firmer hold on myself.