Текст книги "Chaser"

Автор книги: Staci Hart

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

STAY

Cooper

I ADJUSTED MY TIE IN the mirror over the dresser, smiling at my reflection that evening.

Maggie. All day, all night, in my dreams and in my arms.

I looked at the man in the mirror, barely recognizing who I saw looking back. I was me, the same me I’d always been – same nose, same eyes – but somehow, everything had changed.

The feeling of certainty, of rightness, overwhelmed me again. I was high off of it, off of her. Off the perfect day and her lips and her laugh.

I realized that the man I saw in the mirror looked different because I was hers.

It was a feeling I could get used to.

Purpose.

Maggie stepped out of the bathroom but stopped in the threshold, hanging on to the doorframe as she lifted her foot to adjust her heel. Her dress was simple and black, the neck scooped low, her black suede heels dainty and sexy all at once. She stood and looked up at me with eyes bright and blue, scanning my body.

When she made her way over to me, she laid her hands on my chest, slipping her fingers under my lapels. “I can’t handle you in this suit.”

My hands trailed down her waist to her hips. “I can’t handle you in this dress.”

She smiled and kissed me gently.

“We’ll never leave, Mags.”

“There’s food here, right?”

“I’m not letting my ‘no rules night with Maggie’ go to waste. I’m going to feed you, take you on a real date like I can’t in New York.”

She chuckled. “West would approve.”

My smile slipped, and I cupped her cheek. “Would he?”

She didn’t answer, only sighed.

“I have to believe that if we were honest with him—”

But she shook her head, her eyes on my lips. “Not tonight. Okay? Today … today’s been one of the most perfect days of my life. I don’t want to think about what happens tomorrow or what happened before. I just want right now. Can you give that to me?” Her eyes met mine.

My throat was tight – I couldn’t speak. So I nodded.

“Thank you. Now, let’s go eat shellfish until we can’t move.”

I laughed, though the tension never left me as I grabbed her hand and took her down to the garage. She shook her head, hand on her hip when I turned on the light.

“A Porsche? That’s so predictable.”

I shrugged and walked over to the black Boxster. “It’s my beach car.”

She followed, the beat of her heels against the concrete echoing in the room. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually ridden in a Porsche before.”

I smiled. “Well, allow me to introduce you.” I opened the door for her, and she slipped in, looking around, wide eyed.

“Swanky, Coop.”

I chuckled and closed her door, walking around to climb into the driver’s seat. She perked up when I started the engine.

“Oh, that sound.”

“Just wait.” I took a second to appreciate Maggie dressed like she was, sitting in my Porsche, looking like an absolute fantasy. I smirked and backed out of the garage, taking off up the driveway with the chirp of my tires.

She giggled. “Okay, I guess I see the appeal.”

I laughed.

We drove into town and parked on the main drag in front of the bistro. I helped her out of the car and offered her my arm.

I was king of the universe with Maggie on my arm.

We stepped into the quiet restaurant, following the host through the dim dining room and to a table for two with crisp white linens. I pulled out her chair, and she smiled at me sweetly as she set down her clutch and took a seat.

The restaurant was dark enough that the only light seemed to come from the cluster of candles on the table. I glanced around to see the faces of other patrons like islands in the dark around us. Our waiter materialized next to the table with a smile and poured our water, introducing himself and giving us a brief rundown of the menu before disappearing again, leaving us alone.

I sat back in my seat watching her look over the small menu, her brow creased just enough to know she wasn’t quite sure of herself.

“This all sounds delicious, but why aren’t there prices?”

I smiled. “The price is per meal. Just pick three courses.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to know how much it costs?”

“Probably not.”

She sighed and shook her head, red lips curved into a smile as she glanced back at her menu. “I don’t know that I’ve ever eaten dandelion before. And oxtail … is that actually …”

I chuckled. “Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like.”

“Oh. Maybe I’ll stick to lobster, then.”

I glanced at my menu. “They’ll pair our wine, if that works for you?”

“I’m sure they’d do a much better job than I would.” She looked up at me. “I’m a little intimidated.”

I gave her a reassuring smile. “Well, here’s a tip. Everything here is amazing. It really doesn’t matter what you choose.”

She seemed comforted. “I suppose that makes sense, what with the unspeakable price tag and all.” She laid her menu back on her plate and reached across the table for my hand. “Thank you, Cooper.”

I took her hand and ran my thumb across her knuckles. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m just glad you’re here. This has been …”

Her face softened. “I know,” she said quietly.

I put on The Smile, skirting the topic like I’d promised. “Not that either of us doubted I could convince you to come.”

Maggie laughed and squeezed my hand. “No, I’m just a sucker for you. I’m generally much more fastidious in my decisions.”

“Oh, I know. We’re old buddies, the rules and me.”

“Never stops you from trying to break them though, does it?”

One week. This is it. Don’t let her go. I pushed down my rambling thoughts and shrugged. “I didn’t break them. Just bent them a little.”

The waiter appeared again and took our order, removing our menus with a smile and a quiet whoosh before he was gone once more.

I steered the conversation away from us and sat across from her, hanging on every word, every smile, as a small part of me held its breath, not knowing how long our moment would last. I watched her face when our food came, as she took each bite and moaned ever so softly, the light in her eyes sparking with adventure.

It was too perfect, too good. The taste of reality she’d given me before we’d left the beach house had shaken my confidence, the reminder that our lives were waiting for us back home – West, her rules, her past. It was a reminder that I didn’t know how she felt, didn’t know what she wanted.

I didn’t know if I was ready to find out.

I wasn’t ready for the day to end, but it would. The clock would tick and tick until the seconds piled up and turned into minutes, into hours. And then it would be tomorrow.

I didn’t want tomorrow at all.

I hung on to the hope that I would be enough for her. That she’d take a chance on me. I knew she felt what I did. I just needed her to want to feel it. I needed her to say yes.

I wasn’t prepared for anything other than yes. I couldn’t fathom it. I couldn’t imagine a universe in which Maggie wasn’t sitting across from me looking like everything I’ve ever wanted.

If no was the answer, I’d keep trying because I couldn’t walk away from her. Especially not now.

We walked to the ice cream shop after dinner, eating our cones in my Porsche like the irresponsible youths that we were. I took her hand and towed her out of the house and down the trail to the ocean. Her shoes hung on her fingers with the moonlight in her hair, on her skin, in her eyes as we walked along the shore, letting the waves wash over our feet.

She held my hand, shifting her fingers against mine as if she were paying just as much attention to the places where we touched as she was anything else, which was a lot. Maggie just experienced life that way – she was an open vessel, pouring the world into herself as if she’d never fill up.

I pulled her to a stop on the beach, and she looked back, confused for only the blink of an eye before she smiled and stepped toward me, reaching up to cup my face and kiss me. She breathed me in, and I breathed her, our lips tender and insistent.

My arms were around her. Her body was against mine. My heart was in her hands, and I knew.

There would never be anyone else.

She smiled up at me, turning to walk away without breaking her gaze as she tossed her shoes up the beach and reached for the hem of her dress. Her fingers hooked under it, and she pulled it up over her hips, over her ribs, over her head. She had nothing else on.

I tossed my shoes in the direction of hers and tugged at my tie, unable to get my clothes off fast enough as I watched her step into the ocean in the moonlight. I followed her in, reaching her once she stopped past the breaks where it was calm.

She turned to face me, and I reached for her, slipped a hand around her waist and pulled until our bodies met, her soft skin against mine. Her legs wrapped around me, and as she dragged her hands through the water, a soft glow trailed through her fingers. She did it again, and we watched in wonder at the magic of it all. When she looked up at me, her eyes were too open, too much.

I love you. Don’t leave me.

But I couldn’t speak. Not with words. So I told her the story of my love with the rest of me. With my lips and my hands. With a touch and a sigh. I loved her, and I didn’t know if I could keep her. But I would try.

I would never stop trying.

I made the silent promise with the ocean in my ears and her arms around my neck. And when I slipped inside of her and took her mouth, took her body, I could feel her heart, feel her soul. I only hoped she could feel mine too.

Maggie

My face was buried in his neck, my body humming as he pulsed inside of me. We were wrapped in each other, cradled in each other’s arms in the moonlight, my body his completely.

My heart reached for him with every beat.

I closed my lips over the salty skin of his neck, eyes closed and heart open. The day had been a dream, but the night – the night had shown me something I hadn’t even realized I’d been hoping for. It gave me a glimpse into what it would be like to be with Cooper. What it would be like to love him. What it would be like if he loved me, too.

I didn’t want to let him go.

His hands slipped into my hair, his lips finding my shoulder, and I leaned back so I could see him. The shadows cast half of his face into the dark, his blue eyes so full of moonlight that they almost glowed. Those eyes were full of adoration. I knew mine said the same.

His eyes disappeared behind a flutter of dark lashes as he leaned forward to kiss me, a kiss full of devotion and quiet worship, and I gave him the same, this beautiful man who showed me what it meant to be cherished.

He carried me back to the shore, setting me down once we were waist deep. I took his hand and followed him out of the ocean to the pile of clothes we’d thrown on the beach, gathering them with smiles on our faces.

Neither of us spoke. We’d already said it all.

My thoughts circled as we walked up to the house. I’d denied him, denied myself the chance to be with him, and why? The reasons that seemed so concrete a few days before had dissipated like fog in the sunshine.

I wanted Cooper, and he wanted me. It was that simple.

We climbed the stairs to the back patio and made our way into the dark house. He paused to kiss my hair.

“Mmm,” I hummed. “I think I want to take a bath.”

His hand skimmed down my back. “I’ll make us a drink. Bourbon?”

“Yes, please.” I turned and slipped my hands up his chest to his jaw, pulling him down to kiss me once more.

When he broke away, he trailed his nose against the bridge of mine, and we breathed for just a moment before he smiled and turned for the kitchen, taking my breath with him.

I couldn’t stop smiling. Not as I dimmed the bathroom lights and ran the bath or as I sank into the steaming water. Definitely not when he came in, still naked, carrying a scotch for himself and a bourbon for me. I took it graciously and sighed, sinking a little further into the massive tub.

He smirked and moved to the shower.

“No bath for you?” I pouted.

That rogue corner of his crooked lips climbed a little higher. “You look so comfortable. Wouldn’t want to disturb you.” He opened the glass door and reached in to turn on the shower, taking a sip of his drink while he waited for the water to heat up.

My eyes roamed up and down his body. “Oh, it’d be no bother. Really.”

He laughed and set his drink on the counter before stepping into the steaming stream.

I sighed again, my chest so full of emotions that I felt as if I didn’t exhale, I’d cracked open and they would spill out.

I’d told him earlier that I wanted to wait to talk. I saw the hurt and fear flit behind his eyes when he’d agreed. But in the ocean, in the moment when we were as close as we’d ever been, I’d looked into his eyes, and I knew there was no going back. I didn’t want to lose the feeling. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to be with him.

I wanted to try.

The second I thought it, my heart and stomach switched places. Doubt flew through me as I worried I wasn’t ready, worried he would hurt me. But it was gone just as quickly.

When I looked beyond our past, the answer was clear. I wanted to be with him. Everything else was just details.

I watched him through the glass as he ran his hands through his hair, face upturned to the light, eyes closed as the water ran down his body. I’d cared for him all along, I realized. Since the very first night.

I’d used everything that had happened to me as an excuse because I was scared. But deep down, I knew Cooper wouldn’t hurt me. I’d always known.

He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, and I watched as he took a moment to dry himself off, running the towel over his hair before wrapping it around his waist. The second he stepped out of the shower and his eyes met mine, he shot me that smile that made my uterus do flip-flops. My gaze wandered down his chest, coming to rest on his hips where the towel was wrapped around that V that pointed straight to the Promised Land.

Cooper smirked at me and whipped that towel off like a goddamn stripper. The next thing I knew, the towel was flying at my face, and I laughed when it hit me, the sound muffled by the thick terrycloth as the ends sank in the water around me.

By the time I looked up, I only caught sight of his bare ass as he walked into the bedroom.

“Don’t make me wait, Mags.”

My cheeks flushed as I fished the wet ends of his towel out of the water and wrung them out.

I wouldn’t make him wait anymore. Not a second longer.

A few minutes later, I slipped in bed with him, naked as he was. He lay on his side, head propped on his hand, and as soon as I was under the covers, he pulled me into him. My head rested against the mattress, and I looked up, smiling.

He moved my hair from my face and traced my jaw. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For agreeing to come with me here. For letting me show you all of this.”

“I had no idea. You kinda blew my mind.” I made an explosion sound with my mouth, and he laughed.

“Then we’re even.”

We watched each other for a moment as his hand slipped down my shoulder and arm.

“Maggie,” the word was tight, and he looked down to his thumb shifting against my skin.

I laid a hand on his solid chest, feeling his heart beat under my palm. “To hell with the rules.”

His eyes darted to mine, and he watched me, his hand moving to cover my own. “Do you mean that?” It was almost a whisper.

“I don’t want this to end, you and me. You make me feel good and true and … right. I don’t want to lose this feeling.”

“You want me?”

I laughed, the sound tight as I held back tears. “I want you, Cooper. Do you want me?”

His eyes searched mine. “More than anything.”

“Then everything else will be all right,” I said simply. “Just be patient with me.”

“I’ll do whatever I have to do, Maggie.” His hand found my cheek, fingers in my hair. “Just tell me what you need.”

“You,” I whispered. “Just you.”

He didn’t speak, just closed his eyes and kissed me, touched me, gave himself to me as I’d asked. I could feel the echo of my past buried somewhere in the back of my mind, but I wouldn’t be swayed to listen, not in Cooper’s arms. There was nowhere I’d rather be but surrounded by him where nothing could touch me. No one could hurt me.

The weight of his body, the softness of his skin against mine, was everything. The sweetness of his lips, the hardness of his body as he slipped inside of me, stealing my breath, stealing my heart. His eyes were on mine, the emotion written on the planes of his face as he thumbed my cheek. I turned into his hand and pressed my lips to his palm as he dropped his forehead to mine.

My legs wound around his waist, and the sheets slipped away as our hips rolled against each other faster. And when I looked up at him, I understood what I’d been missing for so long. I understood what I’d always been missing, what I’d misunderstood for all my life.

I let my heart go, let my body go, and he was right behind me, breathing my name like the word was sacred.

Our bodies slowed, and he wrapped his arms around me, shifting to his side, holding me to his chest with his fingers in my hair.

We lay that way in the moonlight for a long time, not moving, just breathing until our breaths finally slowed, leaving us hanging on the edge of sleep. His warmth left me for the briefest, coldest of moments before returning to me. He placed a towel in my hand that I used to lazily clean up before tossing it away, and then I slipped back into his arms.

I felt everything – the heat of his skin against my cheek, the beat of his heart thundering through me until mine matched its pace, the length of his body entwined with mine. His strong arms held me like he’d never let me go, and that was exactly how I drifted off to sleep.

PIECES OF ME

Maggie

I SHIFTED AGAINST HIM, FEELING his arms around me, wanting nothing more than to stay in that bed all day. Forever. His arms tightened as he stirred, pulling me into his chest.

He kissed my bare shoulder, and I rolled over to face him with my heart fluttering. The sandy stretch of beach and rolling ocean beyond the windows framed him, and when he smiled at me … well, I knew it was a moment I wouldn’t forget.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice rough from disuse.

“Morning.” He was so warm, and I nestled into his chest. “I don’t want to leave.”

“Then let’s stay.”

I sighed. “I wish we could.”

“There’s not much that could stop us.”

The ache in my chest was deep, but I smiled, making light. “But I’ll never prove my worth to your mom if I quit showing up.”

He chuckled. “Oh, your work there is done.”

“Why does that terrify me to think that you’ve been talking to your mother about me?”

Cooper backed up so he could see me. “She brought you up the other night at dinner. She kind of went on about you.”

“So she likes me?”

“She definitely likes you.”

“I hope she didn’t think I was weird the other day. I was just so surprised your mother was our benefactor. And also super pissed at you for interfering.”

“I know what it’s like to be controlled. I’d never do that to you.”

I curled back into his chest, and his arms squeezed a little tighter. “What are we going to do about West?”

Cooper’s chest rose and fell as he sighed. “I don’t know. He’s not going to take it well, but I have to believe that if he knows I won’t hurt you, he’ll be all right.”

Worry over their friendship wriggled through my brain. “I hope so.”

He stretched to look at the clock and sighed again. “We should probably get going.”

I groaned.

“Hungry?”

I piped down. “Actually, yes.”

“Let’s go get breakfast and get back on the water.”

I let out a breath. “Food and sailing. Those are maybe the only two things that could drag me out of bed, besides you. But you’re here, so …”

He laughed, squeezing me once more before we rolled out of bed, got dressed, and packed up our things. The car service sent a driver to take us back to the harbor. I watched the Hampton house disappear behind us and I sighed, missing the magic of the place within seconds.

The diner was somehow cozy and upper crust all at once, and my omelet was incredible, stuffed with bacon, tomatoes, avocados, and buttery crab meat. And an hour later, we were climbing back onto Midnight Caller.

We readied the ship, cast off the lines, pulled in the fenders, and then we rode out of the harbor, back to the ocean and down the coast. The day passed too quickly, and every minute took us closer to the real world. Our reality was so much more complicated than the last twenty-four hours had been. All I could do was hope that if we just held onto each other, we’d be all right.

It was almost dusk by the time we made it back into the marina in Manhattan, the sun dropping down in the sky too quickly. He pulled the boat into the slip and hopped onto the dock to tie us up.

He smiled at me as he climbed back in and stepped into the cockpit. “Come home with me.”

I stood. “I wish I could, but I should get back and get cleaned up. I have some work to do before tomorrow. It’s my first day with the kids.”

He wrapped his arms around me. “Well, I’ve got about an hour’s worth of closing down the boat to do. Did you want to hang out? Bobby’s here. He can give you a ride if you don’t want to wait.”

“Nah, that’s all right. I’ll just take the subway.”

“You sure?”

I smiled up at him. “I’m sure. Thank you, Cooper. For everything.”

“Don’t thank me. This won’t be the last time. Maybe we can take a week or two this summer, just you and me and the Hamptons.”

I sighed, imagining we were back there already. “That sounds glorious.”

He smiled. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely. I’ll come by after work.”

“Seems like a million years from now, after having you all to myself.” He kissed me sweetly.

A big part of me didn’t want to leave his side for even a minute. “I know. I’ll text you, okay? And I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“All right.” Cooper helped me out of the boat and handed me my bag, then stepped onto the pier. He threaded his fingers through mine before kissing me once more. “Be careful. I’ll talk to you later.”

I hesitated, almost afraid to leave. Like the minute I walked off the dock, the magic would disappear. But I tried to have faith. As scared as I was, I had to trust that we would be all right. That everything would work out.

I smiled, looking forward to that time as I stretched up on my tiptoes to wind my arms around Cooper’s neck and kiss him deep. He picked me up, and my sneakers dangled off the ground.

I broke away, smiling at his lips.

“Tomorrow.”

His lips brushed mine once more. “Tomorrow.”

He set me down, and I turned to leave, looking back over my shoulder at him. He stood on the dock with his hands in his pockets and the most brilliant smile on his face, watching me as I walked away.

My heart skipped as I walked out of the marina and toward the train station. But when I turned on my phone and it connected for the first time since the morning before, my notifications went nuts. Texts rolled in, piled on top of each other, and I pulled them open, wondering what the hell was going on.

West: Hope your date is nice and that you have a good reason from hiding him from me. Text me if he turns into a creep.

Lily: Dude, a package came for you like five seconds after you left.

There was a picture of a box sitting on our kitchen table. I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk when I saw the hand addressed label.

It was from Jimmy. I held my breath as I scrolled through her texts.

Lily: WTF could Jimmy have sent you? Rose and I are dying. Tell me I can open it.

Lily: Just kidding, that was really forward, but text me and freak out with me.

Lily: Okay, you’re obviously super busy getting your junk rocked, but Rose and I have been staring at this for twelve hours and we’re dying.

Lily: Do you guys really have zero service? This is balls!

Jimmy: Hey. I sent you something, my tracking says it was delivered yesterday. Let me know if you got it and call me, if you want. I’m around.

I felt like hurling as I picked up my feet and pulled up Lily’s messages. Just got back. On my way.

My phone dinged within seconds. THANK GOD. I hope it was amazing. Hurry up.

My mind spun around in circles, and I headed down the stairs of the subway station, through the turnstile, and stepped onto the train. The tables had turned, tilting my world sideways. New Maggie was nowhere to be found – Old Maggie had taken her place and found herself sitting scared and alone on the train, wondering how she’d gotten there.

I barreled out of the 86th St. station and to our building, up the stairs and into the apartment. The door opened with a whoosh that sucked all of the air out of the room. Lily and Rose sat at the table, their faces turned to mine. No one spoke.

All I saw was that box.

Inside that box was everything I was trying to forget.

I dropped my bag and stepped toward the table in slow motion, picked up the scissors and sliced through the seam, through my name on the label, splitting it in half. My eyes locked on the dark crack, not wanting to know what was inside and knowing I couldn’t avoid it. Not anymore.

I took a breath and opened the box with trembling hands.

It was like a time capsule straight out of my past. Jimmy had assembled the package with care, choosing things that he knew I would understand, that would remind me. Our prom picture. A photo of us at a football game, me in my cheerleader uniform and him a sweaty, smiling, hulking mess, football helmet in hand, our smiles bright and carefree. Movie ticket stubs. A velvet box full of dried rose petals. A picture of us in the Bahamas after he asked me to marry him. And when I picked that up, what lay beneath stopped my heart.

I knew that black satin box. I knew what was inside without looking, but I picked it up anyway with quaking hands, the hinges squeaking softly when I opened it. The light caught the two-carat diamond inside, the ring I’d worn every day for a year until the day when I was supposed to wear it forever.

I closed the box with a snap, my fingers numb as I picked up the letter in the bottom of the cardboard box with my name on the front. I opened the envelope and unfolded the paper inside, sinking into a chair as I read.

Maggie – 

These months without you have been the worst of my life. I found all of this in our closet, the box full of our memories, and it was too much. I’ve been giving you space, but I can’t stay quiet anymore.

Tell me what I have to do to get you back. Tell me what to say. I love you, and I always have. Come home, Maggie. Because my life doesn’t make sense without you in it.

—Jimmy

Tears spilled down my cheeks, hot and fat, so fast I could barely see. I closed my eyes, ribs aching as I dragged in a skipping breath, letting it out with a sob. And my past rushed back to me, overwhelming me. It wasn’t what was in the box. It was the deluge of my memories, the ghost come back to haunt me. To push me over the edge.

“Oh, God, Maggie,” Lily whispered and reached for me.

I shook my head, hands clasped over my mouth. Beaten. Broken. My eyes found the picture from the football game again, what felt like a million years ago and yesterday. We looked so happy. I thought we were happy.

Everything about him was constructed, manufactured to make me feel safe and wanted, and it was all a lie. I didn’t believe that he cared about anyone but himself. But for years, for my entire adult life and even before, Jimmy was all I’d ever known.

The memory of him, of seven years of loving him – it all crashed into me.

Everything I’d been hiding from, everything I’d been running from had found me.

I couldn’t breathe, though the tears still fell, my heart beating so hard in my chest that I felt like I’d been shot. My fingers tingled, black spots swimming in my vision.

Rose turned my chair. “Maggie? Breathe, Maggie.”

I tried. I tried to slow down, closed my eyes and held my lungs still, but they sucked in another frantic breath, sobs shuddering through me until the black spots spread.

And then they were gone.