Текст книги "Chaser"

Автор книги: Staci Hart

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

NOT-DATE

Cooper

I LEANED AGAINST THE MERCEDES the next morning, hands in my pockets, smiling like a fool as Maggie approached. Her blue V-neck made her eyes a shade brighter than usual, and I marveled at her for a moment – golden curls, rosy cheeks, pretty legs in denim shorts and white canvas sneakers that looked like they’d been loved. She was beautiful.

“Hey.” The flush in her cheeks deepened.

I pushed off the car and opened the door for her. “Hey, Mags.”

She slipped in and smiled up at me, and I climbed in behind her. “How’d it go last night?” she asked as Bobby took off.

“We played a lot of Mortal Kombat and drank scotch, so … perfect.”

She chuckled and looked out the window. I wanted to reach for her, kiss her. Touch her. Anything. But, I’d promised not to like an idiot.

“What’d you end up doing last night?” I asked, trying to keep my mind off of the fact.

“Not much. Went to Habits to hang with Rosie for a bit and then headed home and crashed. I didn’t even read, which is weird. I’ve just been so tired lately. It’s hard going from doing nothing to having a ton to do.”

“I can only imagine.”

She rolled her eyes, amused.

“Tell me how you like work. I feel like we’ve barely talked about it.”

“Truth or Dare didn’t leave much time for idle chit chat.” She smiled at me knowingly.

I smirked back. “Guess not.”

She settled back into her seat. “Work is great, although now I have the added pressure of impressing your mother.”

I laughed. “I really wouldn’t worry about her too much.”

“Easy for you to say.”

I thought about the guy who had been hitting on her. In fact, I’d been thinking a lot about him ever since Patrick brought him up. I smiled, hoping I wasn’t being too obvious. “Meet anyone else at the shelter?”

“Oh, sure, almost everyone. Why?”

I shrugged, realizing I had no idea how to handle jealousy. “No reason.”

She narrowed her eyes, though she was clearly entertained. “What’s your angle, Mr. Moore?”

“No angle.”

“Liar. Are you asking about Brian?”

“Who’s Brian?”

Maggie laughed at me. “Wow, Coop. Who told you about him?”

There was probably no way out unscathed, but I threw West under the bus anyway. “Your brother.”

“Ugh. I knew Lily would end up telling him, but I didn’t think he’d blab it to you.”

“To be fair, Patrick brought it up.”

“Dammit, he knows too?” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how y’all ever keep secrets.”

“It’s not easy. So, what’s the deal with him?”

“Nothin’. He asked me out, and I shot him down. Twice.”

I smiled. “Good.”

“Why, you jealous again? Like the harmless boy at Habits who was devastated that I wasn’t thirsty?”

“Nah. Just, you know, the rules. If I’m not allowed to see anyone else, neither are you.”

She shook her head. “Throwing the rules at me, just like that.”

“Paybacks.”

“Now I know how you feel.”

I smiled, wondering just how true the statement was.

I’d woken up that morning feeling determined. There was something deeply satisfying about testing Maggie’s boundaries. I’d persuaded her to come on a date with me under the guise that it wasn’t really a date. I had to believe that she knew what I was doing, but she’d come with me anyway.

Every time I nudged her closer to the edge, she’d move with barely any resistance. And if I could keep nudging her, I could make her fall for me.

That is, if she hadn’t already.

But I kept my promises. I’d keep my hands to myself and my money in my wallet for the day, if that was what it would take to prove it to her. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to kiss her in the Soopk-A-Rama that afternoon, but I just kept reminding myself that the anticipation of not touching her for an entire day would pay off when I took her home with me.

I was so right.

Maggie

The afternoon was gorgeous, clouds high in the sky, the ocean breeze crisp. We’d already ridden the big wooden roller coaster and went through the Spook-A-Rama, which was so over-the-top campy, with giant animatronic rats eating plastic entrails, or the robot serial killer in the electric chair. He’d kept his promise – he hadn’t offered to buy me a single thing or even tried to so much as hold my hand. I’ll admit I was a little disappointed that he didn’t try to kiss me in the spook house, but I’d never admit it to him.

We found ourselves walking up the boardwalk, eating our Nathan’s Famous chili cheese dogs.

“Mmm,” I hummed as I took another bite. The wind blew my hair across the chili and stuck in the cheese, and I groaned, glancing at my full hands.

Cooper chuckled, setting down his dog in the paper tray before he reached for my hair and wiped it off, his fingers barely grazing my cheek. He winked at me.

I shook my head, smiling.

“So,” he said, “what do you think so far?”

I looked around at all the people, the long, wide boardwalk, the big Ferris wheel as it spun around. “I like it,” I answered definitively.

“You should see it for the Mermaid Parade.” He smiled and looked down the boardwalk like he was imagining it. “It’s insane – people everywhere, a complete madhouse – but it’s a riot. Everyone drinks all day and dresses up like sailors, mermaids, fish. I once saw a guy dressed as a sea cucumber.”

“Oh?”

“He was basically naked and painted green, head to toe.”

A laugh burst out of me.

He smirked. “The parade itself is great, and they have an art festival, shows, big fireworks. Definitely worth seeing at least once.”

I imagined the park packed with mermaids and smiled. “Sounds like it. What’s next?” I took another bite, being sure to turn my face to the wind.

“The Wonder Wheel. Not gonna lie, it’s a little terrifying.”

I swallowed and shook my head. “It’s a Ferris wheel, you wuss.”

He jerked a chin at it with an eyebrow up. “Look at it.”

I took a good look, watching one of the cars near the top as the wheel spun. It was on a track, and when it hit the tipping point, it careened toward the edge and rocked out past the end just shy of horizontal.

“Oh.”

Cooper smiled. “Don’t worry. It’s safe. And anyway, there are stationary cars, if you’re scared.”

I made a face at him. “I’m not scared. Death cars it is.”

We finished our dogs and bought our tickets – Dutch, per the rules – and made our way to the line, under a creepy-ass sign with a clown on it that said THIS WAY. There was almost no line, and before long we were climbing into a red swinging car with bright yellow doors. I might have been second guessing things as I took a seat in the front bench – there were two rows that faced out, and I assumed he would sit in the back. But of course he slid in next to me, because Cooper Moore. I raised a brow, and he shot that crooked smile at me.

“What? This is the good seat. How else am I going to watch us plummet to our deaths?”

“Funny.” I elbowed him, which took almost no effort, since we were sitting arm to arm. The attendant closed the door, and within a few seconds, we were moving.

Once we were out of the dock and the wind was against our faces, I sighed, feeling lighter as I looked out across the island and into Brooklyn, then to Manhattan off in the distance. It was peaceful, quiet. We were all of a sudden very alone. I resisted the urge to lean into him, threading my fingers in my lap instead to keep my attention anywhere but on him. It was pretty much pointless.

The day with Cooper had been easy and fun, just like being with him always was. He was like a kid sometimes, so excited to show you things you hadn’t seen before. He’d watch you experience the thing for the first time, full of satisfaction. Pride, almost. Like it was a way for him to connect.

It was infectious. It made me want to experience it just for him. It made me feel carefree and lovely and alive.

Nine days left.

Nine days, and we would just be friends. I told myself I could be just-friends with Cooper. I mean, we were already close, and I definitely didn’t want to lose that. So I was attracted to him. After a little space, it wouldn’t be a big deal. I was certain that would fizzle away after a little time and distance.

Surely we’d both be able to walk away from that part of the relationship. No one had to get hurt. Then, maybe I could date someone else. He would too, probably the night that we ended things. The thought of him with another woman made me squirmy, but I took a breath and talked myself down. We didn’t belong to each other. We were just having fun. That was it. And we’d walk away and be buddies after all this. Hooking up wasn’t necessary. I pictured us hanging out just like this. Just as friends.

I smiled at the simplicity of it. We were adults. We could totally do this.

The car above us slid down the track to the squeals of the girls inside, swinging violently when it hit the end.

My heart beat a little faster, realizing we were next. “So, how old is this thing?”

He was trying not to laugh, that ass. “Almost a hundred.”

I felt the car shift as we climbed higher, the tilt of the track lowering until gravity took hold and the car took off. My stomach flipped, and I grabbed his hand, screaming as we raced down the track and swung out when we hit the curve.

We laughed breathlessly. “Holy shit!” I yelled.

Cooper smiled bright. “Told you.”

I didn’t let go of his hand, you know, because of the height, and I settled back into the seat as he squeezed my fingers.

“It’s so pretty up here,” I said, looking out as the wind rushed through the grated cage, blowing my hair across my face as we climbed higher.

“It is.” There was a strange quality to his voice, and I turned to find him watching me.

I was hypnotized, looking into his eyes like I could see all of him, if I looked deep enough. We were near the top, the city stretched out in one direction, the ocean in the other. And when we reached the pinnacle, he slipped a hand in my hair and kissed me. I couldn’t even be mad. Couldn’t defend the rules or put up a fight. In fact, I couldn’t say a word. Because in that moment, his lips were all I’d ever wanted.

THE RULES

Cooper

I WATCHED THE CITY OUT the window of the car the next night with a smile on my face. The day before was what I’d thought it would be – everything. I pictured her face on the carousel when she’d turned to me laughing, and we rose and fell as the world whirled around us. Thought about the kiss on the Wonder Wheel. Taking her home last night. All of it.

It was almost too much.

I didn’t know what my next move was. All I knew was that I wanted more. I just had to show her that she felt the same, and I only had a week left to do it.

Bobby pulled up in front of the restaurant, and I thanked him as I climbed out and made my way inside. The hostess didn’t need to ask my name, just smiled and asked me to follow her, which I did, through the restaurant. I spotted my parents across the room. My mother leaned into my father, her hand on his forearm that rested on the table, the two of them smiling at each other as they talked.

I couldn’t help but smile myself. They stood when they saw me approach, and I reached for my mom first, pulling her into a hug.

“Hi, Coop.” She pressed her cheek to mine, and when I pulled away, Dad extended a hand.

I clasped it. “Hey, Dad.”

“Good to see you, kid. What’s new?” he asked, adjusting his suit coat as we took our seats. He smiled at me as he leaned back in his chair, picking up his scotch.

“Not much.” I reached for a glass of water on the table and took a sip.

Dad smirked. “Jillian from W said your shoot went really well.”

“Of course she did.” I chuckled. The waitress approached and asked me what I’d like to drink. “I’ll have what he’s having.” She nodded and disappeared.

He shook his head, amused. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

I snickered. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s a real shock that I didn’t tell anyone.”

“I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you, but Jillian’s considering putting you on the cover.”

I thought about West seeing it at the grocery store and sighed.

Mom laughed at me and propped her elbow on the table. “Why in the world did you agree to it if you didn’t want anyone to know?”

“How does one turn down an offer of that sort? I was surprised and flattered. Just didn’t think it all the way through, I guess. Apparently their definition of ‘eligible’ has little to do with actual drive and motivation.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Coop,” Dad said. “You’re driven and motivated when you have purpose. Like sailing, or chess, or building Lego models when you were a kid. Purpose, driven by something that fulfills you. That’s really what it boils down to.”

“Is it that simple?” I asked genuinely.

Mom shrugged and picked up her glass of wine. “It’s that simple and that impossible.” She took a sip.

I shook my head, feeling out of place. It was a more and more common feeling these days. “I don’t know why you let me do this.”

Mom’s brow quirked. “Do what?”

“Nothing. Do nothing, all day.”

Dad shifted and hung his arm on the back of Mom’s chair. “Because you’re smart. You have respect for others, and you want more from life than what you’re living. So we’re giving you room to grow.”

She patted his hand that rested on the table, smiling at me. “Don’t get your father wrong. We want you to figure out what you’re going to do with your life. But we’ve seen our friends try to browbeat their kids into submission. It doesn’t work, and they all end up hating each other in the end. We can’t force your hand, not when you can’t even see your own cards.”

Dad nodded. “Honestly, we don’t care what you end up doing, Coop. You could make pottery or give surf lessons in Cancun to spring breakers, if that’s what you really want.”

I laughed, and Mom smiled at me. “We were pretty sure that might be a legitimate career path for you, at one point.”

He was smirking again, his long face amiable. “The point is that as long as you’re happy, we’re happy. I’d love nothing more than for you to come and work with me. You’ve got the brains for it, and you’d be good at it – when you interned at Moore & Co in college, we all saw it. You enjoyed it, even though I knew then that you weren’t ready to commit. My father built something powerful, and he passed that on to me. I want to pass it on to you, but I’m not going to force feed you. You’ll figure it out. Just see if you can do it before you’re forty, all right?”

I chuckled, feeling relieved and more pressured somehow all at once. “I’ll see what I can do.”

The waitress brought my drink, and we ordered dinner. Mom leaned on the table as the waitress left. “Oh, I meant to tell you – Maggie Williams is running our reading program at the shelter.”

My heart jolted at the mention of her name, and I smiled. “I heard.”

“She’s fantastic, Cooper. Her program is going to help engage the kids, show them how much joy reading can bring them. She’s only been with us for a few days, and Susan has just been raving about her. We’ve wanted someone for this spot for a long time, and now that we have her, I don’t know how we ever survived without her.”

I knew the feeling.

“I’m campaigning for Susan to offer her a permanent paid position. And, God, if she’s not the most adorable little thing. All that hair, and that smile. I think she had the entire male residency trying to make sure she was comfortable, even Brian, our chef. That boy is usually unflappable, but she had him swooning.”

I took a long sip of my drink, feeling twitchy. “What’s his story?”

Her eyes narrowed, though her smile was still in place. “Why do you ask?”

Dad was eyeballing me too.

I wondered if I’d completely lost my touch or if it was only in matters related to Maggie in which I couldn’t keep my shit together. “No reason. I heard he’d been hitting on her is all.” I didn’t sound nearly as casual as I’d wanted.

“Are you seeing her?” he asked curiously.

I huffed and made a face, scrambling for an answer.

“You are,” Mom said simply.

“Or he wants to,” Dad added.

My ears were hot. “Why are we talking about Maggie and me?”

“Oh, he really wants to.” She nudged him.

“What’s the story, Coop?”

I ran a hand over my mouth and picked up my drink. “I’m seeing her, and it’s complicated.”

“Because of West?” he asked.

“And because of Maggie. She’s been through a lot. The wedding was only a few months ago, and I think she’s just skittish. She says not ready for anything serious.”

Dad’s eyebrow rose. “And you are?”

I took a sip, following the burn as it dove through my chest. “I don’t know.”

“What do you know?” Mom asked.

I was overcome with honesty, sitting across from my parents, whom I trusted more than anyone. And so I answered the question I’d been avoiding at all costs. “All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about her or wanting to be with her. She makes me laugh, makes me happy. But she said the other day that I couldn’t be serious about anything, and I think that she believes that if I’m not serious, we can’t be serious. Maybe she’s right.”

Dad shook his head. “Purpose, Cooper. When you find purpose, it changes everything.”

“I’ve never felt this way, Dad. I have no idea what I’m doing or what to do next.”

He smiled. “None of us ever do. Here’s the secret to life: figure out what you want and then go get it. Everything falls in line with that.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

Mom smiled. “That simple, and that impossible.”

Servers appeared with our food, and the conversation veered to topics less invasive. My mind was on Maggie.

Purpose. A reason. A spark to light up my gray life, make me want more.

Was it her?

I wanted to show her everything, give her everything. I wanted to prove to her that what I said was true. I wanted her to believe me, believe in me. I needed her to.

When I thought back over the past few weeks, I realized that she wasn’t a spark. She was a wildfire.

I excused myself, my chest burning as I made my way to the restroom. I leaned over the sink and splashed cold water on my  face, closed my eyes with my palms on the granite, listening to the slow drop of water from my nose as it hit the porcelain sink.

I wanted her. She needed to know that I was serious. So I needed to show her.

When I looked back up at my reflection, there were no more questions. There was no more indecision. I knew exactly what to do.

Maggie had better watch out. Because I was coming for her.

Maggie

My face was half-smushed into a pillow as I tried to catch my breath that night. Cooper kissed a trail down my back, and I blinked slow, smiling.

“I dunno how you do that to me,” I said mostly into the pillow.

“Hmm?”

I shifted, and he moved so I could roll over – when I saw his smile, I couldn’t stop my own. “Nothin’.”

He climbed up my body and lay on top of me. “Have any plans this weekend?” He brushed my crazy hair out of my face.

“No, why?”

“Come sailing with me.”

I blinked, not knowing what to say. “What will I tell West?”

“The truth. Tell him you have a date.”

I gave him a flat look. “Cooper.”

He gave me one right back. “Maggie.”

“Doesn’t that break the rules?”

He shrugged and traced my bottom lip with his index finger. “You said you wanted to see New York. Well, I can show you New York in a way you can’t see anywhere else. We can sail up the coast to the Hamptons, spend the night, and sail back on Sunday.”

Butterflies flitted around in my stomach, those traitorous bastards. “Sounds like something couples would do.”

“Listen, we only have one week left. Can we just say fuck the rules for thirty-six hours?” He kissed the bottom lip his finger had just been on. “Plus, just think of all the rope I have on that boat. And I know a lot of knots.”

I laughed. “God, Cooper.”

He smiled back at me, contented. “Call it whatever you want. I just thought you might like to sail. Would it make you feel better if I promise to keep conversation and clothing to a minimum?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Consider it done.” His smile softened, and his eyes locked on mine, voice a little lower as he cupped my cheek. “Say yes.”

My resolve was about as sturdy as a bridge made out of Pixy Stix. The rules. Fucking rules. Could I agree to thirty-six hours, rule-free? That wasn’t even two full days, and he was right. It was almost over, and what better way to spend our last weekend but together?

I didn’t know how I could refuse with him looking at me like that, with his fingers against my skin and my pulse fluttering. It was a terrible idea. The worst. I should definitely say no.

“All right.”

God damn that smile of his. “Meet me at the dock at nine. Pack a swimsuit and a dress for dinner.”

“And purple panties?”

“Underwear is entirely up to you.”

I laughed.

“Stay the night, Maggie.”

His voice commanded me – his eyes held me still. My smile slipped as I looked up at him, hypnotized out of nowhere. I wanted to say yes, so badly. But I’d already given too much.

I blinked and took a breath, dragging my smile back out. “The rules are in place as long as we’re on Manhattan soil. Plus, I’ve got to get my rest for our big weekend. I should pack now if I’ve got to meet you all the way on the south side by nine.”

He sighed. “I’ll let you have that, but only because I get you all to myself for the weekend.” His lips met mine in a smoldering kiss.

I could barely open my eyes when he broke away, and I thought real hard about staying. Real, real hard. When I finally peeled my eyelids open, I smiled up at him. “It’s late. I should get going.”

He brushed his lips against mine once more. “All right.”

Cooper rolled off of me, and I grabbed my clothes, heading to the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed before I changed my mind.

When I came out, he was waiting for me with a smile, took my hand as we walked to his door.

“Bobby’s downstairs waiting for you.”

“Thank you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to fight me on it?”

“Would it do any good?”

“No.”

I smiled. “Exactly.”

He smiled back. “Want me to send him to get you in the morning?”

“Nah, I’ll take the subway.”

“I’ll text you the address.” His hand slipped into the crook of my neck, and he kissed me once more, reverently. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mags.”

“‘Night, Cooper.”

I stepped into the elevator feeling giddy as I leaned against the rail, my eyes still on him until he disappeared behind the elevator doors.

My mind skipped around, daydreaming about sailing to the beach house. But every second brought with it a little bit of doubt and confusion.

The getaway was a date. A weekend long romantic sailing to the Hamptons date where I’d be alone with Cooper for thirty-six hours. Nowhere to run. No getting away from him. The thought excited me just as much as it freaked me out. Which was to say, a lot.

I looked back over the last week, not sure how I’d gotten to the point where the rules had been called off, even just temporarily. Reading in the park had been a bad idea. Truth or Dare had been even worse. Coney Island just proved that I was a raging dumbass for convincing myself we were only banging. And now, a weekend getaway.

It was impossible to pretend that whatever was happening between us was nothing. It was all too clear that we were more than nothing.

I was in much deeper than I thought.

The elevator doors opened, and I nodded at the doorman as I headed to the back entrance. Bobby was waiting for me and opened the car door for me to climb in.

“Thank you, Bobby.”

“No problem, Maggie.”

He closed my door and walked around the car to climb into the driver’s seat. My thoughts didn’t stop spinning as we made our way up 5th and to the traverse through the park.

I watched the trees out of the window, trying to think my way out of it. I could still back out. Just text him and tell him no. He might be hurt, but what would I risk if I went with him?

Maybe he wouldn’t care at all. Maybe it was just a game to him, and he just liked to push my buttons, get his way.

But I knew as soon as I thought it that it was a lie. And that thought scared me worse than anything.

Bobby stopped a block away from the apartment, and I thanked him before slipping out and walking home. I trudged up the stairs and unlocked the door to find Lily and Rose at the kitchen table.

“Hey.” I tried to smile and apparently wasn’t very convincing. “What are you doing here, Lily?”

Her brow dropped, worried. “I just got home from the theater, was about to head over to West’s. You okay?”

I made a face and took a seat, my eyes darting to Rose. “Mr. M is getting serious.”

Lily sighed. “Shit.”

Rose’s brow quirked. “That’s a bad thing?”

I leaned on the table, trying to be vague. “It just complicates a situation that’s already sticky.”

Rose shrugged. “What’s so sticky about it? Do you like him?”

“I’m not ready to like anyone.”

“You seem like you’re fine,” she said.

“I feel like I’m fine, but I don’t trust myself.”

“Then just use him until the time’s up and walk away.”

I shook my head, frustrated. “There is no walking away, Rose.”

“What do you mean?”

Lily watched me with her arms folded across her chest, and Rose’s eyes bounced between us.

“What’s the story?” Rose asked, edging on impatient.

Lily sighed again. “Just tell her, Maggie.”

I chewed on my lip.

“Tell me what? What the hell is going on?”

I took a deep breath. “Mr. M is …”

Rose leaned forward. I couldn’t even say it.

Lily blurted, “Cooper. She’s banging Cooper.”

Rose’s eyes bugged, her mouth hanging open. “No fucking way.”

I nodded, feeling guilty. “Since my wedding night.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Maggie.” Rose blinked.

Lily shook her head. “You’ve got to figure out a better way to break that to people, Mags. No one is ever prepared for Cooper wedding night fuckery.”

I dropped my face into my palms. “I know. Please, don’t judge me.”

Rose put up a hand in surrender. “I’m not one to judge people for who they sleep with or when. I’m just shocked. What about Astrid?”

Lily answered for me. “It’s a sham, Cooper and Astrid.”

Rose ran her fingers through her bangs. “What the fuck.”

“What happened?” Lily asked me.

“He wants to take me sailing this weekend, to the Hamptons.”

Lily sighed again and fiddled with the placemat in front of her. “Oh, man. That’s a dream date, Maggie.”

“I don’t know. I mean he’s pushed past every boundary I’ve defined.”

“Sounds like Cooper, all right,” Rose said.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Do you want to go?” she asked, brows up.

“Of course I want to go. But it’s a horrible idea.”

“Why?” she asked simply.

“Because I don’t want to date Cooper. I don’t want to have feelings for him.”

“I feel like it may be too late for that.”

“I feel like maybe you’re right.” I felt panicky. “I should end it. I should end it now before it goes any further.” The thought of cutting it off made me feel sick. “It’s gone on long enough. One more week isn’t going to help anyone at this point.”

“Is that really what you want?” Rose asked.

I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “I don’t know what I want. The timing is so bad.”

“Is it though?”

I paused. “The wedding was only three months ago.”

“But what does that have to do with anything?” Rose said it like all the answers were a straight line, simple and easy.

I stammered. “I … well, I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s responsible to jump into something yet, especially not with Cooper. This was supposed to just be for fun, no feelings. I thought it would be easy to keep it casual with him while I figure myself out. But the problem is that I haven’t figured anything out. I feel like I’m split in two. Before New York and After New York. Maggie with Jimmy and Maggie without Jimmy. Like the old me is a mirage. I don’t even know her anymore, but I don’t know the new me either.” My nose burned, and I sniffed to stave off the tears. “I’m a mess, see? A tangled-up mess. I cannot get involved with Cooper any deeper than I already am.”

Rose looked straight through me. “But what if he’s good for you?”

I looked at her like she’d sprouted an extra head.

“Hear me out.” She leaned forward. “Cooper wouldn’t be asking you on a weekend trip if he was only interested in a booty call. It’s too intimate. And if Cooper cares about you like that, then this is huge for him. What if he could be what you needed? What if he could give you all the things Jimmy couldn’t?”

“Maybe I could consider it if we were a year from now. It’s too soon.”

“Well, we’re not a year from now. We’re exactly where we are. Look, if you’re really not ready, then you’re not ready. But you want to be with him, and he makes you feel good, right?”

“Yes,” I answered quietly.

“Then I think the answer is much easier than you want to believe.” She sat back in her chair and brought her knee up. “I say go. Go and pretend like nothing before this weekend ever happened. Pretend just for the course of the trip, and if there’s something more to it, then you’ll know. If there’s not, then walk away.” She sighed. “There’s no set mourning period when you break up with someone. It takes however long it takes. Maybe moving here just sped up the process, and you’re more okay than you realize. Maybe you never really loved Jimmy at all. Maybe old Maggie and new Maggie are the same person. Maybe if you walk away from Cooper now, you miss an opportunity that you won’t have again.”

My eyes rested on a spot on the table. “Is it wrong to put Cooper through this if I end up walking away?”

“Do you think he’d miss the chance to find out?”

I thought about it for a moment before answering honestly. “No.”

She hung her arm on her knee, looking satisfied. “Then there it is. Just go. See what happens.”

I turned to Lily. “Do you think it’s possible that I’m whole enough to get into something so soon? What if I’m just rebounding?”

“I think you won’t know until you try. I also think if Cooper really cares about you, he’ll understand if you’re not ready.”

I didn’t respond, just considered it all. On paper, it looked ridiculous, me and Cooper. But in my heart, I knew it wasn’t as crazy as it seemed. “I’ve been talking myself out of Cooper for weeks, and now I’m trying to talk myself into him.”

Rose smirked. “I don’t think you need all that much convincing.”

I took a deep breath. “Go and pretend like nothing else happened. Just forget about everything else for thirty-six hours.” I shook my head. “I’ve been living in denial for long enough that I’m pretty sure ignoring my problems for a couple more days will be a piece of cake.”