Текст книги "Down London Road"

Автор книги: Samantha Young

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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

‘Blair, this is my girlfriend, Jo,’ Cam said as he tucked his phone away. He gave me a reassuring smile that I didn’t return.

‘Nice to meet you.’ I managed to give her a small smile while inside I was flinging every swear word I could think of at her.

She didn’t smile back. ‘You too.’

When our gazes met, we had a silent conversation with each other. I resent you, she said. I think I hate you, I replied. He was mine first, she answered. He’s mine now, I growled.

Thick tension fell between the three of us until Cam broke the silence with a few polite questions.

After arranging to speak to one another soon, we left Blair to walk home via Princes Street. To my growing panic, Cam didn’t reach for me again. We walked home side by side, not touching and not talking. He seemed to have disappeared somewhere inside himself and I feared that place almost more than I feared anything else.

24

Cole knew there was something wrong as soon as I returned to the flat. I kept insisting it was nothing, which pissed him off. I knew this because he told me to my face it pissed him off. I retaliated with a lecture on swearing, which he informed me pissed him off even more, so by the time I was dressed for the party, I was mad at Cam for being an inconsiderate dimwit, terrified that I was facing the end of my relationship, and upset that my wee brother had left to stay with Jamie for the night without saying goodbye to me.

In other words I was really in the party spirit.

My depressed thoughts weren’t eased when I hurried down to Cam’s flat to pick him up and he barely registered my dress. The dress he’d found so hot pre-Blair encounter that he’d ravished me in a public dressing room.

I felt my chest tighten with anxiety as he remained quiet during the taxi ride with Olivia and Uncle Mick. Even Olivia commented on it, asking him if he was all right.

Of course he insisted he was, though we all knew (we, as in I) that he had been thrown for a loop by the arrival of his ex-girlfriend, aka the only woman he had ever loved.

We arrived at Joss and Braden’s flat on Dublin Street to find the party already in full swing. Hannah and Declan were staying with friends tonight, so Elodie and Clark were free to stay as long as they wanted. Elodie was completely smashed already – and Elodie smashed was just a heightened version of Elodie sober. She kept moving around all the guests asking them if they wanted a refill and when they said yes, she proceeded to overfill their glasses with a loopy ‘Oopsie!’

Cam, Olivia and I settled in a corner with Adam and Ellie. I tried to keep up with the conversation, and attempted to appear as if everything was all right, laughing along with the others as Adam pointed out the growing strain on Joss’s face as she was forced to mingle. At one point we watched as Joss attempted to remove her hand from the grip of the wife of one of Braden’s professional acquaintances as she peered at the engagement ring. Joss tugged politely a few times, but when that didn’t seem to get through, she actually swatted the woman’s hand off hers and then smiled prettily as if nothing had happened, leaving Braden choking on laughter while she excused herself.

We were all laughing, and I turned to Cam to share a smile with him, only to find his head bent over his phone.

‘You okay?’ I asked, looking down at the text message he was typing and feeling that ugly compression on my chest again.

He glanced up and gave me a barely there smile. ‘Yeah, you?’

‘Fine. Who are you texting?’

‘Just Blair. She wanted my address.’

‘Hmm.’ I nodded, hoping my fury wasn’t evident in my eyes. I turned away from him, cursing him to the moon and back.

Come to a party for my friend’s engagement as my bloody date and stand there not paying attention to anything anyone’s saying, tapping away at your bloody phone, talking to an ex-girlfriend you casually mention you were in love with, and expect me not to be bloody well pissed off, you bloody swine, you utter –

‘So, Jo, how are you liking the new job?’ Adam asked me, interrupting my inner diatribe against my boyfriend.

‘Oh, good.’

Adam waited for me to say more, but I couldn’t make my brain work. While my blood was hot with anger, my chest hurt, and my melancholy thoughts took up all my head space. Realizing he wasn’t going to get anything else out of me, Adam engaged Olivia in conversation and I ignored the worried looks Ellie kept shooting me.

I glanced around the room, wishing I could just escape, lock myself in the bathroom and cry. But that seemed awfully melodramatic, considering Cam hadn’t actually done anything wrong. It was my insecurities that were making me feel this way, right?

I caught Uncle Mick’s eye across the room and smiled. He grinned and then turned back to Clark. The two men were so different, one a scholar, one a manual labourer, and yet they seemed to get on incredibly well with each other. I was glad. It was nice of Joss and Braden to invite Mick and Olivia to their engagement party, but I had worried that they would feel out of place.

Turned out the only one feeling out of place was me.

I listened with half an ear as Ellie managed to engage Cam in conversation. Although he chatted with her about the new project he was creating the graphics for, an independent chocolate shop that was opening in Edinburgh, I could hear the lack of enthusiasm in his voice. I knew him too well. I knew his mind was off somewhere else tonight.

Was it really my insecurities telling me his mind was on Blair? Or was it my instincts?

I needed the opinion of a blunt, straightforward, honest couple.

Sweeping the crowded sitting room, I couldn’t see Joss and Braden anywhere. I excused myself and headed out into the empty hallway, then proceeded to check the kitchen, where a large group of people had congregated. They weren’t there either. I checked the bedrooms. Both empty.

Wondering if they’d gone outside for some fresh air, I headed down the hall towards the door and that was when I heard the deep, rumbling chuckle.

I halted, my eyebrows at my hairline as I turned to face the bathroom door.

No.

They wouldn’t.

Would they?

‘Oh, wait, I think my leg cramped up.’ Joss snorted and then giggled. Actually giggled. I didn’t know she could do that.

‘How did it cramp up?’ Braden murmured.

‘Well, I don’t know if you know this about me, baby, but my body isn’t a pretzel.’

My mouth fell open and I muffled a laugh into my hand despite myself. What position had he got her into?

‘Do you want me to massage it?’

There was a moment of silence and then … ‘Oh, yeah, right there,’ she moaned.

‘Fuck,’ Braden huffed. ‘You’ll set me off again.’

‘Seriously?’ she asked incredulously. ‘I just moaned.’

‘That’s all it takes, babe.’

Joss giggled again. I decided it was a nice sound.

And then I realized I was creepily eavesdropping on their sex-in-the-bathroom-at-their-own-fricking-engagement encounter. I knocked on the door.

‘Uh, just a minute!’ Joss yelled.

‘It’s me,’ I called semi-loudly through the door. ‘Are you decent yet?’

‘Um, not yet. Wait.’ I heard clothes rustling and then a muffled ‘oof’ before something clattered to the floor. ‘Are you trying to kill me?’

Braden laughed. ‘You were the one that wanted to fuck in the bathroom.’

‘Ssssh!’ Joss hissed. ‘Jo is outside.’

‘I think she knows what we’re up to.’

‘She does,’ I offered helpfully.

Braden laughed.

The door swung open. Braden stood over me, his hair ruffled, and his shirt tucked messily back into his trousers. Joss was hopping on one foot behind him, trying to get her shoe back on. Her cheeks were flushed and the French knot in her hair was a little more than worse for wear.

‘Really?’ I asked, glancing around to make sure we were still alone. ‘The bathroom during your engagement party?’

Joss rolled her eyes at me. ‘What, like you’ve never done it somewhere a little risqué?’

My cheeks bloomed bright red as I remembered how risqué it had got with Cam just this morning. God, it seemed like a lifetime ago already.

Bloody Blair.

Braden scrutinized me and nodded smugly at Joss. ‘She’s definitely done it somewhere risqué.’

Joss grinned, finally getting her shoe on and coming to a standstill. ‘I do believe you’re right, Mr Carmichael. Look at those pretty cheeks blush.’

I sighed impatiently, trying to cover my embarrassment. ‘I didn’t hunt you down to talk about risqué sex.’ I brushed past Braden and motioned to him to shut the door.

He raised an eyebrow but complied. ‘Everything all right?’

Trying to keep a lid on my emotions I laid it out for them. The story of Cam and Blair, and now her sudden re-entrance into his life and Cam’s troubling reaction to it.

‘Should I be worried?’ I chewed on my lip, glancing from one to the other.

Joss looked at Braden. ‘What do you think?’

Braden winked at her. ‘I think I’m looking pretty good right now.’

Joss smacked him across the arm for the both of us. ‘Not helpful, you smug idiot.’

He grunted, still smiling cockily, a smile that slipped when he turned to me and saw that I was not in the mood for his humour at the moment. He sighed, his eyes softening. ‘Jo, you’ve nothing to worry about.’

It was exactly the reassurance I’d been looking for, but I needed more. ‘Really?’

‘Look, Cameron just bumped into a girl he has a history with. It’s going to affect him. It doesn’t mean he still has feelings for her. If Joss and I were out for a stroll and we bumped into my ex, I’d probably be feeling a bit off for the rest of the day as well, but not because I’m still in love with the bitch.’

I raised my eyebrows, wondering what the history was there. I shot Joss a look. ‘Clearly.’

Joss caressed Braden’s arm in comfort. ‘She is a bitch.’

I sighed this time. ‘So, you think I’m jumping the gun?’

‘Yes,’ they answered in unison.

‘I must say, though’ – Joss shook her head as if in disappointment – ‘it shows a serious lack of intuition when it comes to women that Cam wouldn’t realize that him planning to meet with an old girlfriend would bother you.’

Braden snorted at Cam’s lack of smoothness. ‘Agreed.’

I pouted a little. ‘Agreed.’ I made a face. ‘Sorry for dumping this on you at your engagement party. That was more than a little selfish. God!’ I threw up my hands. ‘This relationship is turning me into a schizo!’

Joss threw me a sympathetic smile. ‘Welcome to my world.’

When I returned to the party it was to discover that Cam had got surprisingly drunk, shockingly fast. He never drank to the point of being drunk and as the evening wore on, the little that Braden had done to reassure me was obliterated by the state Cam ended up in. Mick had to help me put him in a taxi and then help me up to the flat with him. I bade Mick and Olivia goodnight, stripped Cam out of his clothes, put water and aspirin beside his bed, and crawled in beside him to stay with him and make sure he was okay.

I didn’t sleep.

I felt like I was standing on top of the world’s tallest building, staring out on all that the world had to offer, waiting for that gust of wind to come along and blow me down, ripping me from the best view I’d ever had.

When I turned my head on the pillow to study Cam sleeping, a part of me thought I might hate him a little. I hated him for making me love him so much and for making me feel this horribly uncertain. I’d spent my whole adult life depending on men for financial security, and now I’d traded it in for Cam. I’d thought I was doing it for all the right reasons, but it seemed to me I’d traded financial security for emotional security and the risk hadn’t paid off.

Assured that the drunken twat would be fine, I got up out of his bed and pulled on my boots.

Maybe I should try just depending on myself for a while.

25

Where are you? x

I looked down at Cam’s text, sighed a little, and then quickly texted him back.

Took Cole out to lunch with Mick and Olivia. Hungover? x

‘I know it’s none of my business, but you seem a little out of it,’ Olivia observed softly as she strolled beside me.

Uncle Mick and Cole walked ahead of us and I could see Mick chatting away quite animatedly to Cole. We’d gone for lunch at the Buffalo Grill, this amazing Tex-Mex place behind the university. Now we were walking off our burgers with a nice Sunday stroll down the Meadows. We weren’t the only ones enjoying the large park behind the uni. Friends and families had descended upon it, playing football and tennis, chasing playful dogs, and in general hanging out and enjoying the fair spring weather while it lasted. I’d decided this morning that I didn’t really feel like facing Cam or our problems. Instead I’d pounced on Cole as soon as he’d got home and then called Uncle Mick to suggest lunch. I’d found myself breathing a little easier as soon as Cole and I stepped out of our building and had been trying to enjoy myself until Cam had intruded upon my thoughts with his text.

My phone buzzed before I could respond to Olivia’s comment.

Cam’s reply:

A wee bit. You okay? x

‘Just a second, Olivia,’ I muttered apologetically, before replying that I was fine and I’d see him when I got back.

‘Is that Cam?’ She nodded down at my phone.

‘Aye.’ I’d sadistically hoped he was suffering the worst hangover ever. He couldn’t even give me that. ‘I’ve never seen him that drunk before.’

‘Is he okay?’

I studied her for a moment. We didn’t know each other all that well, so I didn’t know if I could confide in her. I’d gone to Joss and Braden for help because I trusted them to be honest, but the welcome advice they’d given me had been blown to smithereens by Cam’s dive to the bottom of a bottle last night. I did feel the urge to talk to someone else about it, but Olivia? I just didn’t know her that well.

As if she sensed the turn of my thoughts, she gave me an understanding smile. ‘I get it. You’re not sure you can talk to me. That’s cool – but you should know I’m really good at dispensing advice and keeping secrets. If I hadn’t become a librarian I most certainly would have become an advice columnist by day and a spy by night.’

I chuckled. ‘Well, that’s good to know. Truthfully, I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know if it’s all in my head or if there really is a problem.’

Olivia cleared her throat. ‘You’re obviously distressed about something and … well … I learned a hard lesson in the past about ignoring something just because I thought it was all in my head.’

Momentarily distracted, I asked tentatively, ‘What happened?’

Her unusual eyes narrowed and I noted that she unconsciously clenched her hands into fists. ‘Mom. She was weird for a while before we learned her diagnosis. She was snippy, short-tempered, impatient. This was a woman who was pretty much the most laid-back person I knew. My gut told me something was seriously wrong, but I didn’t press her about it. And I should have. If I had, I might have got her to go to the doctor’s about the lump in her breast. Instead she was so frozen with fear, by the time she finally found the courage to do something about it, it was too late.’

‘God, Olivia, I’m so sorry.’

She shrugged. ‘I live with that guilt every day, so whatever your gut is telling you, don’t ignore it.’

I was so busy scrutinizing the dark shadows lurking in her eyes that I sidestepped Olivia’s advice completely. ‘Does Uncle Mick know how you feel about your mum’s death?’

‘Yeah.’ She nodded. ‘He worries. But I’m okay.’

‘If you ever want to talk …’

Olivia smiled sadly at me. ‘Thanks, Jo. I mean that. You’ve been really cool about me being here, and I know that can’t be easy. I can tell by the way you look at Dad that he’s important to you, and after seeing what your mom is like, I kind of hate myself for taking him away from you when you so obviously needed him.’

‘Don’t ever feel that way. You’re his daughter. And he needed you. I understand that. “Teen Me” didn’t, but “Adult Me” gets it. And “Adult Me” is finally all right with it.’ I watched Mick laugh at something Cole said. ‘But it’s nice to have him back for a while.’

‘Cameron must really care about you to have gone to all the trouble of finding us?’

There was a question within her question, and I knew Olivia realized that whatever was troubling me was about Cam. I felt the need to confide in her forcing its way to the fore. I’d spent so long bottling everything up and keeping it to myself, I guess I was kind of tired of shouldering every little problem in silence. ‘Cam and I bumped into his ex-girlfriend yesterday.’

Olivia sighed heavily. ‘Ah.’

‘He told me a while back he’d been in love with this girl Blair. They broke up because she left to work at a university in France, not because they fell out of love. Now she’s back and they’re already exchanging text messages. You must have seen how subdued and weird Cam was yesterday after it, and then you saw how bloody drunk he got – and he never gets drunk. So now I’m thinking the worst. Blair’s back and Cam’s head is all messed up because he still loves her.’

‘Whoa, okay, that’s a lot.’ Olivia threw her shoulders back and began counting down her points on her fingers. ‘One: you don’t know he still loves her. Two: bumping into an ex you have real history with will mess with anyone’s head. Three: he doesn’t get to just start up a friendship with this woman without discussing it with you, which brings me to four: you have to talk to him about it. Otherwise the uncertainty is just going to eat away at your relationship like a virus.’

I nodded. ‘You’re right. You are good at this.’

‘I know. So are you going to take my advice?’

‘I have a little insecurity problem, so it might take me a while to gather the nerve to approach him about it.’

‘In other words you’re afraid he’s going to turn around and say that he’s in love with this Blair person.’

I frowned. ‘You might want to add mind reader to your résumé.’

‘Yeah, I think we’ve established that I am awesome.’ She grinned cheekily.

I smiled back. ‘Agreed.’

Just as quickly as her grin had appeared, Olivia grew serious again. ‘Find the courage to talk to him, Jo, or it’ll blow out of proportion.’

‘Courage?’ I furrowed my brow. ‘Do you think I can download that from the Internet?’

‘It wouldn’t surprise me. But it’ll probably come with strings attached and a whole host of nasty ramifications.’

‘So I’m going to have to steal it from someone else, then?’

‘What do you mean steal courage? Johanna Walker, you’re one of the bravest, strongest people I’ve ever met, and that’s saying something – I come from Arizona, where about six million people willingly live in torturous heat between May and September.’

‘Cam says he thinks I’m strong, too,’ I murmured disbelievingly.

‘Girl, talk to him. I cannot believe that a man who looks at you in a way that actually makes me think that being in a relationship might be pretty sweet could possibly be in love with someone else.’

I sucked in a deep breath. ‘Okay. I’ll talk to him.’

Olivia smacked me on the back, making me wince. ‘That a girl!’

A few hours later I said goodbye to Uncle Mick and Olivia on Princes Street with plans to meet them for dinner during the week, and then I dropped Cole off at the Omni Centre, where he was meeting up with his friends. Before I left, he grabbed my arm.

‘Jo, you okay?’ he asked, his eyebrows drawn together in concern.

I marvelled that I was now looking my brother in the eye. I wished he wasn’t so tall for his age; it would at least allow me to pretend he wasn’t growing up if he still looked like a wee boy. However, height or no height, nothing could diminish his intuitiveness. It was a part of who he was, it was a part of our relationship – he knew me too well. I shrugged. ‘I’m okay.’

Cole stuck his hands in his jeans, hunching over, his head bowed towards me, his eyes searching mine. ‘Is there something I should know?’

‘I’m just feeling a little off. It’s a girl thing,’ I reassured him with a soft smile. ‘Now go. Hang out with your friends and be immature. Responsible,’ I added hurriedly, ‘but immature.’

He made a face. ‘Do those two go hand in hand?’

‘If your immaturity can lead to consequences, then it’s irresponsible.’

Cole grunted. ‘You should write that shi– stuff down.’

‘I heard the “shit” in there, baby boy, and I’m stealing the last Pop-Tart as punishment.’

‘Harsh, Jo.’ He shook his head, backing off with a smile. ‘Harsh.’

I rolled my eyes and gave him a little wave before I left him there, hoping to use the walk back home to bolster my courage.

By the time I was standing outside Cam’s door I was pretty sure I was ready to call him on his bullshit. Having already texted him to let him know I was on my way, I didn’t bother to knock. ‘It’s me,’ I called as I stepped inside and shut the door.

‘In here.’

I followed his voice to the sitting room and was surprised to find that Nate was with him. Even more surprising, the telly wasn’t on. Glancing down at the coffee mugs and the half-eaten sandwiches from the local deli, it was clear that Nate had stopped by for a chat.

My heart thumped.

Uh-oh. That couldn’t be good, right?

‘Hey, Nate.’ I smiled tremulously.

‘Jo. Looking gorgeous as always, babe.’ He grinned at me, dusting the crumbs off his fingers.

I didn’t know how to greet Cam. After our encounter with Blair, he hadn’t touched me. Cam, who didn’t seem to be able to breathe without touching me, hadn’t placed a single fingertip upon me. No handholding, no waist squeezing, no affectionate neck nuzzles. I didn’t think I’d been in his company once since we started dating without him giving me a neck nuzzle.

Not really feeling in the mood to be rejected by his sudden disinclination to touch me, I didn’t go over to him to kiss him like I normally would. I just stood there awkwardly, gazing at him. He didn’t look the least hungover, the lucky bastard. ‘How are you feeling?’

Cameron didn’t answer me right away. In fact, for what felt like the longest moment, he sat there cradling his coffee mug in his hand as his eyes roamed my face, drinking in every single feature. Slowly, a smile stretched his lips, the tenderness in his gaze causing an ache to blossom in my chest. ‘A lot better, baby. A lot better.’

There seemed to be more behind his words than an update on his physical health. I just couldn’t work out what it was.

‘Well, my work here is done.’ Nate clapped his hands on his knees and stood up.

I followed his movements, completely confused. ‘What work?’

‘Oh.’ He shook his head, smirking like he had a secret. ‘Feeding brewery boy over there.’ Still smiling, Nate approached me and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek, his dark eyes glittering happily as he pulled back. ‘Always good to see you, Jo. Catch you later.’

‘ ’Bye,’ I answered quietly, stunned by his affection, confused by his and Cam’s mysterious behaviour, and wondering what the hell I’d walked into.

‘See you, mate,’ Cam called to him, and Nate waved to him, then left us in the quiet emptiness of the flat.

My nose wrinkled in bemusement, I turned back to Cam. ‘What was that all about?’

Cam shook his head, setting his mug down on the coffee table. ‘He just came around for a chat.’ His lips tilted up at the corners. ‘Why are you still over there when I’m over here?’ He curled a finger, beckoning me towards him with a sexy confidence that immediately set off little green flags in all my erogenous zones. The revving of my sexual engines purred in my ears, the flags waving, ready to drop …

I physically shook myself, attempting to remind myself that I came here to talk to him, not to throw myself at him at the first opportunity. Just because Cam was suddenly feeling all nice and affectionate didn’t mean I had to give in to him. I wanted answers about his behaviour yesterday.

Didn’t I?

‘Jo?’ Cam raised an eyebrow. ‘Get over here, babe.’

‘No.’ I jutted my chin out, my eyes narrowed on him. What kind of game was he playing with me? ‘If you want me, come and get me.’

A low growl was the last thing I heard before he moved, at surprising speed for a hungover person. One minute he’d been in the armchair, the next he was on the other side of the room, his body pressing me back on to his work desk. Manhandling me a little roughly, he gripped my thighs, wrapping my legs around his hips so he could grind his erection into me. I clung to him, my hands on his waist, my head thrown back in instant pleasure as he nuzzled my neck.

‘Cam,’ I groaned, trying to remember what the point in my visit had been as he thrust his hips, the denim around his hard-on rubbing against the seam between the legs of my own jeans. I panted, wet and needful. What was going … what were we … what?

I felt his tongue on my throat and ground harder against his movements.

His lips peppered kisses up my neck to my ear. ‘I missed you this morning,’ he whispered hoarsely.

‘You did? I thought you’d be too hungover to notice.’ My hands slid up his back to wrap around his neck, my fingers curling in his hair as I angled his head so I could look in his eyes and see if I could discern the truth in them. I took a deep breath, terrified that what I was about to say might conclude with experiencing the abject loss of Cam in my arms. ‘You were off yesterday. After … Blair …’

Cam nodded carefully, running his hands up and down my outer thighs in what appeared to be a reassuring gesture. ‘I was taken aback to see her. I got lost in my thoughts for a while.’

‘You got drunk.’ I smiled weakly. ‘Are you sure everything is okay? That … we’re okay?’

His eyes gentling, Cam grasped my chin in his hand. ‘Baby, we’re more than okay.’ He kissed me, pulling me closer, deeper, and I relaxed into him with a groan. God, I wanted to believe him more than I’d ever wanted to believe anyone in my life.

His tongue teased my lower lip as I felt his fingers on the button of my jeans. I pulled back, anticipation and arousal knocking the rest of the questions I had out of my head. He’d reassured me we were okay. That was enough. I licked my lip where his tongue had just been and held his scorching gaze as he unbuttoned me. After the last button was popped, Cam cradled my hips and slid me forward gently so that my ass was hanging precariously off the edge of his desk. His warm fingers slid inside my waistband and I held on to the desk, lifting my hips up to give him better access as he eased my jeans down my legs. They came off, along with the red flats I was wearing.

Teasing me, Cam slowly pulled my underwear down my legs and when they were off, he stuffed the knickers in the back pocket of his jeans.

‘You’re such a perv.’

He laughed quietly, watching me as I watched him unzip his jeans. He shoved them and his boxers down to his ankles, his eyes never leaving my flushed face as he slowly stroked his cock.

I squirmed, my legs unconsciously widening.

Cam stepped forward, his jeans rustling around his ankles, and just when I thought he was about to slide inside me, he lowered himself to his knees and pushed my thighs apart, insinuating his face between my legs.

‘Oh, God,’ I groaned, throwing my head back at the electric touch of his tongue on my clit. I grasped his hair, holding on, rocking gently against his mouth as he licked me and spurred me towards climax.

And then he sucked on my clit. Hard.

I cried out, coming against his mouth in an explosion of light and heat. My muscles were just relaxing when he stood up, gripped my hips, tilted them upward, and slammed his dick inside me so deep it was almost painful. I gasped, clinging to him as my inner muscles pulsed around him in little aftershocks.

His grip on my skin was bruising, his movements rough, hard and frenetic, but I didn’t care. Already the tension had started to coil inside me again, and my sputtered breaths and cries for more mingled with his animalistic growls and grunts.

I was hot.

Too hot.

I wanted to rip off my T-shirt and his, but that would mean stopping, and nothing could stop me now.

One hand left my hip to grasp the back of my head, and then he crushed his mouth over mine, a panting, gasping slide of lips and tongue … no finesse, just a wild need to mimic with our mouths what his dick was doing to my insides. He tilted my hips up more, dislodging my mouth from his as I held on. His eyes were dark with possessiveness as he pounded into me.

I felt like my entire body must be glowing with fiery fractures, as each thrust pushed me towards breaking point.

And finally …

I shattered.

The orgasm came in wave after wave, and I was so caught up in the extraordinary moment I barely even heard Cam’s growled ‘Fuck!’ as he climaxed, jerking against me as he came hard.

My hand slipped on the desk as my muscles liquefied, and Cam’s arms came around my waist, holding me up as he continued to pant into my shoulder.

It was the roughest sex I’d ever had, a kind of pleasure-pain experience. I didn’t know if my body’s epic response had been to the rough sex or to the possessive, seemingly unearthly need Cam had appeared to be driven by, a need to have me, to claim me. He was always a little like that during sex, but this had been … different.

Almost desperate.

‘Did I hurt you?’ he asked quietly, sounding remorseful.

I shook my head against his shoulder, the material of his T-shirt, damp with sweat, rubbing against my cheek. The smells of his aftershave, the sea breeze detergent he used, and his fresh sweat were comforting. ‘No.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Positive.’ I laughed a little. ‘Although I could sleep for a month now.’

He snorted. ‘Me too.’ He pulled back, smiling softly, tenderly, as he brushed his knuckles down my cheek. ‘Nothing feels as good as being inside you.’

And there he went, pushing back all my insecurities. ‘Nothing feels as good as having you inside me.’

His kiss was warm and sweet, so soft in comparison to the sex we’d just had … like whatever had happened between us had reassured him and taken the edge off.

I remembered Andy telling me he’d never seen Cam so happy as he was with me, and I suddenly felt stupid for having doubted us. For having doubted him. Like a contented kitten, I leaned back on my elbows and watched as Cam pulled his jeans back on. He told me to stay there. He disappeared out of the room and returned a few minutes later with a washcloth. Up until then I’d still felt a little embarrassed whenever Cam helped me clean up after sex, but something had just changed between us and I felt secure again. If possible, even more than I had – I no longer felt embarrassed. I felt … powerful.