Текст книги "Down London Road"

Автор книги: Samantha Young

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‘Jo –’

‘Cam, why are you here?’ I cut him off sharply. I immediately regretted my tone, but there was no taking it back.

He blew out the air between his lips, his eyes searching mine, and as if he couldn’t find what he was looking for, he took a step back. ‘No reason. I better go. I’ve –’

‘Jo!’ My mum’s voice cut him off this time, her shrill shriek making us wince.

It was the first time she’d called for my help since the incident. I sighed heavily and dumped the paste brush back in the bucket. ‘Cam, stay. I’ll see to Mum, you make yourself a coffee. Maybe get me a tea while you’re at it.’

‘Jo!’

‘I’m coming!’ I shouted and Cam seemed taken aback. ‘What?’ I asked as I moved to pass him.

He smirked. ‘Never heard you raise your voice.’

‘You’ve obviously never seen me approached by a spider.’

Laughing, Cam waved towards the door. ‘I’ll get the coffee.’

Feeling relieved that he’d decided to stay I hurried to get whatever Mum needed over and done with.

To my surprise she was lying in her bed, not seeming to be in any kind of ‘situation’ after all. Oh, God, I hoped she hadn’t lost control of her bladder. That had happened before. ‘What?’ I asked, hovering in the doorway.

‘Who is that?’ she asked loudly, nodding her head to indicate behind me. ‘I’ve heard his voice lately. Who is it?’

It was the first time Mum had really ever taken an interest in anything outside of her gin-soaked, wasted existence and I couldn’t help but reply, ‘That’s Cam. He’s a friend.’

‘You fucking him?’

‘Mum,’ I snapped, flinching at how loudly the question had been asked.

‘Well?’ she asked with a sneer. ‘Look at you! Standing there, judging me. Get that look oot yer eyes, girl. You think yer better than me. Accusing me of hitting Cole, thinking I’m nothing. Well, look in the mirror, girl, ’cause yer nothing too!’ As her eyes sparked with her contempt, I knew this was what she’d been waiting for. This was her payback for my attack. Humiliating me in front of Cam. ‘Yer useless and that piece oot there will walk away when he gets bored with what’s between yer legs!’

I slammed the door shut, my whole body shaking as I leaned my forehead against it, trying to control my breathing. A few seconds later I heard her start to cry.

‘Jo?’

I sucked in my breath at his voice and turned slowly around to find him standing in the hallway, his eyes glittering with anger. He took the few steps he needed to be close to me and he said loudly, so Mum would hear, I imagine, ‘You are not useless. You are not what they say you are.’

I glanced down at his tattoo.

Be Caledonia.

When my eyes travelled back up to his and I saw pain in his eyes for me, I knew that Cam was the only guy who had ever seen me. And even more important, he saw beyond what I could see. I was more to Cam.

I wanted to grab his hand, lead him down the hall to my room, strip myself bare before him, and let him take everything I could give him.

And take everything he could give me.

Instead of doing what I really wanted to do, I gave him a platonic but grateful smile. ‘Let’s have that coffee.’

14

The following Saturday everything I was avoiding feeling, everything that wasn’t being admitted out loud, came to a head.

The week before, Malcolm had invited me to a party that Becca’s flatmate was hosting. The party was to be held in their place in Bruntsfield and Malcolm had said he’d put in an appearance. However, he didn’t want to feel like a fish out of water, so he’d practically begged me to accompany him. I wasn’t really looking forward to seeing Cam and Becca in action together, but since I’d been unfaithful to Malcolm in my head, I thought it was the least I could do for him.

The morning of that Saturday I was up early because Mum had woken us up smashing empty bottles of gin in the kitchen sink. I’d got to her before she did too much damage, wrapped a few plasters around little cuts on her hands, held her while she curled into me and bawled like a baby, and finally accepted Cole’s help getting her back into bed. The muscles in her legs were wasting away – it was a wonder she could even walk. Cole and I had given up trying to get her out and about, and seeing the damage I began to feel guilty.

Trying to shake off the grim sadness that always overwhelmed me when Mum found a way to let us know she was just as angry at her addiction as we were, I thought I’d spend a rare Saturday morning reading while Cole hurried down to Cam’s flat. Since I was still trying to weigh whether we could afford the expense of Cole taking up a martial art, Cam had started training lessons with him on Saturday mornings. Cole loved every minute of it, and honestly, I think Cam was enjoying teaching what he’d learned.

I was immersed in the translation of a romance novel by one of my favourite Japanese writers when the doorbell rang.

It was Jamie, Cole’s friend.

As soon as I opened the door, the short, slightly chubby kid turned beetroot. I bit my lip, trying not to smile. ‘Hi, Jamie.’

‘Hi, Jo.’ He gulped, his eyes looking anywhere but at my face. ‘Is Cole in? He was supposed to meet me outside fifteen minutes ago.’

Clearly Cole had lost track of the time. I stifled my aggravated sigh and stepped out of the flat, shutting the door gently behind me – I had been at a really good part in my book. ‘Let me take you to him.’

After I knocked on Cam’s door, he yelled for me to come in. I left Jamie waiting outside and entered the flat to find Cam and Cole standing in the centre of the living room beside a mat. All of the furniture had been pushed to the edges of the room. Cole was grinning, perspiration running down his neck, damp patches all over his T-shirt. Cam was wearing a T-shirt and joggers, not looking that much the worse for wear.

I raised my eyebrows at Cole. ‘Did you forget about something?’

He frowned instantly. ‘No.’

‘Tell that to the kid on Cam’s doorstep.’

‘Oh, sh–’ He stopped himself. ‘I forgot Jamie.’

‘He’s waiting.’

Cole hurried to grab his socks and trainers. ‘Cheers for the lesson, Cam.’

‘No probs, bud.’

‘You better wash and change your clothes before you go out!’ I called after him as he disappeared into the hall. ‘And text me to let me know what you’re doing –’ I slammed my mouth closed at the sound of Cam’s front door shutting. I turned back to Cam. ‘Why do I bother?’

He threw me a crooked smile – my fourth favourite after the lip twitch – and curled a finger, beckoning me to him. ‘Care to take up where he left off?’

I immediately took a step back, shaking my head. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘Come on.’ He suddenly grew serious. ‘I’ve seen the way some of the customers are with you, and Joss told me she’s had to rescue you more than once in the past from an over eager punter. This will help you learn to deal with the way you freeze up.’

I imagined it might be pretty nice to be able to handle aggressive assholes by myself rather than relying on protective friends. But training with Cam? No. That would be fanning the flame.

‘No, thanks.’

Cam sighed but gave in. ‘Fine. You want a cup of tea?’

I nodded and followed him into his kitchen, trying to keep my eyes on anything but his muscled shoulders and tight ass. I didn’t try very hard.

Standing by his kitchen counter, I was lost in thought about the evening ahead of us as Cam made the tea and coffee, when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I glanced towards it and nearly had full-on heart failure at the size of the spider clinging to Cam’s kitchen tiles.

‘Oh, my God!’ I squealed, skittering back away from it, a lump of fear in my throat the size of Canada.

‘What – what?’ Cam spun around, his eyes wide on me.

I stared round-eyed at the spider. ‘Get rid of it or I won’t be able to move.’ I wasn’t kidding. I was literally frozen with fear. I don’t know where my phobia of spiders originated, but it was bad enough that we had to invest in spider repellents that plugged into the sockets in our flat. We got the rare few spiders nevertheless and Cole always took care of them.

Cam looked from me to the spider and then back to me again. I could see the beginning of a smile start to curl the corners of his mouth.

‘Don’t even think about laughing. It’s not funny.’

His gaze softened as he seemed to finally realize the extent of my fear. ‘Okay. Stop panicking. I’ll get rid of it.’ He reached into a cupboard and pulled out a pan.

I scowled. ‘What are you doing? Don’t kill it!’

Cam froze, cocking his head in bemusement as he gazed at me. ‘Why don’t you want me to kill it? I thought you were frightened of it.’

‘I am terrified of it,’ I corrected him. ‘But what does it say about humans as a species if we go around killing things just because we fear them?’ Not anything good, that’s what.

Cam’s gorgeous eyes warmed even more and I found myself forgetting the fear and falling into his gaze.

‘What?’ I whispered, feeling my chest swell at the way he was looking at me. No one had ever looked at me like that before.

He shook his head. ‘Nothing. You just … Nothing.’

‘Cam?’

‘Mmm-hmm?’

‘The spider.’

He blinked a little rapidly before pinning the spider with his gaze. ‘Right.’ He lifted the lid of the pan. ‘I’m not killing it. I just needed something to put it in.’

As he rescued the spider from me and me from the spider, I crammed myself into the corner of the kitchen, scared that Cam wouldn’t move quickly enough and the spider would somehow launch itself across the room at me. I had no reason to fear. Cam had the spider in the pan in record time and I watched with growing relief as he took it to the kitchen window and deposited it outside.

‘Thank you,’ I breathed.

Cam didn’t reply. Instead he shut the window carefully, put the pan by the sink, and turned around to gaze at me.

Suddenly the air felt electric between us, like it always did while we worked side by side at the bar. I’d done my darndest to make sure those moments were confined to the bar, trying to feign ordinary interaction outside in the real world.

Today there would be no feigning.

I held my breath at the intensity in Cam’s eyes as he slowly began to make his way towards me. When he closed the distance that would be considered socially acceptable between two friends who both had partners, I was just about to question him, stall him, but then my breasts brushed his chest and the words got sucked right back into my mouth along with all the air in the room. I felt his hands in a gentle embrace around my upper arms, his aftershave familiar and intoxicating, and the heat of his body made mine languid.

I hadn’t been able to meet his eyes, and so I was looking at his throat when he leaned in and pressed the sweetest kiss to my forehead. A yearning, deep and expanding, burst open in my chest and I melted into him, feeling his lips chase a delicious shiver across my skin. He replaced his mouth with his own forehead. I closed my eyes as he closed his and we rested against one another, breathing each other in.

I was filled with such longing, a longing only intensified because I knew it was reciprocated.

‘Cam,’ I whispered, wanting him to pull away and needing him to never leave.

He groaned and gently slid his forehead down the side of mine, his nose skimming my cheek, following my jaw, and coming to rest in a nuzzle against my throat.

I held my breath, waiting.

His hot lips touched the skin there. One brush. Two.

And then I felt the wet, erotic touch of tongue and I shuddered, falling against him. My nipples pebbled against my thin shirt, begging him to go further.

A sharp, piercing ringtone shattered the air between us and I jerked back, coming to my senses. Cam cursed, his jaw clenched so tight it was close to shattering. He reached for his phone on the counter beside us and then blanched as he read the caller ID. He shot me an unfathomable look. ‘Becca,’ he stated grimly.

I gulped, not believing that I’d let him touch me, that we’d been seconds from hurting two people who didn’t deserve to be hurt. More than that, I was shocked at how much I hadn’t even cared – my need for Cam was that selfish.

This was not good.

If it was anybody else, I would have suggested it was time to put some distance between us. But this was Cam. I needed Cam.

‘I better go. Malcolm is picking me up in a few hours.’ I straightened my shirt and tightened the band holding my ponytail in place. I couldn’t meet his gaze.

‘So we’re back to pretending there’s nothing between us?’

My spine stiffened at his curtness and I looked up, only to flinch at the anger I saw in his eyes.

Shit.

I couldn’t lose Cam’s friendship. It was the best thing that had happened to me since Cole. ‘Cam, please don’t. I’m with Malcolm and you’re with Becca.’

His mouth opened to respond, but I fled his presence before I was forced to hear what he had to say.

All day I felt I might be sick at any moment. I could barely do anything, really only taking time to reply to Cole when he texted me that he was staying at Jamie’s house that night. I dressed uncharacteristically casually for the party, pulling on a skintight black miniskirt and a print tee from Topshop. I paired them with knee-high boots with a fleecy lining so my legs wouldn’t freeze and a dark faux fur jacket I’d got at a sale and usually wore with something dressier.

Tonight I wasn’t in the mood to sparkle. I wanted comfort, youth – I wanted to be me in some tiny way. I shook the entire time I was dressing, wondering what Cam was doing, wondering if he was ever going to speak to me again. I could still feel his hot mouth against my throat, burned there along with the tingling sensation of his tongue. Why did he want us to face our attraction when we were both with other people? Did he want to leave Becca? Did he want me to leave Malcolm?

And the biggest question of all was, could I?

Could I walk away from a man who cared about me, who could provide me with security and safety? Could I risk it for Cam? If I did, what would happen if it just turned out to be physical between us? No emotion, just spark.

My head pounded from overload.

Malcolm waited outside my building, beside our cab, and I almost came to a standstill at the look on his face as he eyed my outfit. When he was done with the once-over, he gave me a small smile before pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

‘What is it?’ I asked, frowning, sensing that something was off and not liking it. My stomach was already in upheaval over facing Cam again; I didn’t need to worry about Malcolm too.

Malcolm ushered me into the cab and as we pulled away, he perused my legs before looking back up at my face. ‘You look very young tonight.’

I glanced down at my outfit and pursed my lips. I looked my age tonight. I looked like me. ‘You don’t like it,’ I muttered.

He gave a huff of laughter. ‘Sweetheart, you look sexy as hell, but you look like a young wild child dating a grumpy older man.’

Something in his voice drew my gaze and I caught the flicker of unease in his eyes. He seemed worried. Cam’s face hovering so close to mine flashed across my eyes and the guilt was crushing. ‘You’re not a grumpy older man. You’re my sexy older man.’

His shoulders relaxed. ‘As long as you think so.’

‘I won’t wear this again.’

‘Good,’ he murmured, leaning down to kiss my cheek. ‘I prefer you in the dresses we bought. They make you look older, sophisticated.’

I would never have let a comment like that bother me before, but tonight it rubbed me a little raw. I faked a smile and let him squeeze my hand, wishing like hell I was back in my flat alone with a good book.

When we pulled up to Becca’s building my stomach almost revolted and I sucked in a gasp to hold back the queasiness. Malcolm turned sharply to me, his brows drawn together. ‘Are you okay?’

‘You know, I’ve been feeling off,’ I lied. ‘I think I’m fighting a bug or something.’

‘Do you want to leave?’

YES, YES, YES!

‘No.’ I nodded at the bottle of wine in his hand. ‘Let’s at least go up and have a drink.’

The party was in full bloom when we arrived. The huge flat had the rough needs-a-good-repaint-scrub-and-tidy-up look that many of the old student flats in Edinburgh had. Becca didn’t seem to mind the clutter, or the ripped carpets, chipped woodwork and yellowing walls, and neither did her guests. Her artwork was plastered across as much of the wall space as possible, and the guests didn’t seem to mind that either.

I admit to having to blink a little against all the stripes and splashes and colours. They reminded me of those nonsensical images you’re supposed to stare at until a real image appeared in them.

‘Mal, Jo!’ Becca called as we entered the large open living space. She rushed past her friends and threw herself into Malcolm’s arms. When she pulled back she clapped her hands like a little girl. ‘You brought the good wine.’

‘I did.’ Malcolm grinned at her as he handed it over to her.

I eyed Becca carefully, analysing her like I had never done before. There she stood before me, with her wide, pretty smile, her intelligent eyes full of sparkle. What was it about her that made someone like Cam take notice? Suddenly I was uncomfortably aware of all Becca’s positive attributes and I hated the jealousy they elicited in me.

Becca’s own eyes flickered over my outfit and she smiled brightly. ‘Jo, you look great.’

‘Thank you,’ I replied softly, feeling guilty as sin for almost … well … whatever it was Cam and I had almost done.

‘Cam!’ She twisted around and gestured through the crowd. ‘Come say hello.’

I felt the pulse in my neck start to throb as Cam approached. I must not have masked my reaction sufficiently, because Malcolm slid a hand around my waist, curling me into him. He bent to whisper in my ear, ‘What’s going on? You look tense.’

Oh, crap. Oh, hell. I was blowing this. I sucked in a deep breath and then turned to him, deciding it best to play it like I was worried I’d upset him. ‘I shouldn’t have worn this.’

Malcolm grimaced and touched my cheek affectionately. ‘Don’t worry. I would never have said anything if I thought it would make you uncomfortable. You look beautiful. You always do.’

As I gazed up into his kind eyes I felt even worse about myself. I decided to make him happy as recompense, even at the sacrifice of my own self-respect. ‘I don’t like disappointing you.’

His eyes warmed at that – in fact it was safe to say they heated and I felt myself drawn tighter against him. ‘You haven’t. But I will look forward to undressing you later.’

More than ever I felt choked by my own lies. I’d created this person I thought Malcolm wanted me to be – I was who he wanted me to be. In other words, I wasn’t me. And even as unhappiness crashed over me at the thought, I faked a giggle and he grinned.

‘Uh, hullo.’ Becca chuckled and we both whipped our heads around to face her and Cam. ‘Need a room much?’

Cam’s eyes bored into me with barely leashed fury, his features stretched taut with his discomfort. I felt that look like a punch in the gut and found myself wanting to pull away from Malcolm and fall to my knees in apology before Cam.

Or run like hell from both of them.

In other words, I was a bloody mess.

To my relief, Cam was distracted by Becca as she urged him to help her greet more guests. I was left alone with Malcolm, left alone to try to assure him that I was all right. That we were all right. I laughed at his jokes, I touched him affectionately, and I gave him my whole focus, even when we found ourselves in a group talking with Cam and Becca. Even when I felt the heat of Cam’s gaze on me, I devoted my attention to Malcolm.

An hour later I felt exhausted by the effort and excused myself to use the bathroom in the hallway near the front entrance. I had just slipped inside and was shutting the door behind me when it was forced open again. I stumbled back, astonished, as Cam quickly stepped inside and slammed the door behind him. He locked it and then faced me.

I wished I’d worn heels. In my flat boots I was only five ten and Cam had two inches on me. It wasn’t much, but he was built of solid muscle and when he was powered by seething anger, he might as well have had a whole foot on me.

Trembling, I gestured to the door with a jerky hand. ‘What are you doing? Someone could have seen you.’

His blue eyes snapped cold fire at me. ‘Malcolm, you mean.’

‘Or Becca,’ I reminded him through clenched teeth. ‘Remember her? Your girlfriend?’

Cam ignored me and I shivered as his gaze drifted slowly down my body, then climbed back up. I tingled all over. His lips quirked up at the corner as our eyes met. ‘You look gorgeous tonight. I’ve never seen you like this.’

As we continued to stare at each other in silence I felt my heart race and my breathing speed up. I had to get out of there before I did something unbelievably stupid. Hoping I looked suitably determined and pissed off, I closed the distance between us. ‘Let me out of here, Cameron.’

He held his hands up in surrender and stepped aside, but as soon as I reached for the lock I found my back flattened against the door, Cam’s body pressed against mine, and his hands braced on either side of my head, imprisoning me.

‘Wha–’

‘Hush.’ His breath whispered against my lips and he lowered his hands until they circled my waist. ‘You feel this too. You’ve felt it since the night we met.’

I couldn’t find my voice, lost in a mixture of exultation that I hadn’t been alone in this from the beginning and anxiety that we were doing something wrong and we’d be caught. I licked my lips nervously.

He took it as an invitation.

My gasp was swallowed by his kiss, his mouth hot as his tongue slid against mine. Stubble scratched my skin as he deepened the kiss, and his right hand glided up my side, over my ribs, until it came to a rest at my breast. His thumb brushed the underside deliberately. My skin immediately caught fire and I reached for him, my arms curling around his neck, drawing him closer. I moaned into his mouth, my heart hammering as my senses went on overload. I could taste coffee on his tongue, smell the scent of his skin, feel his heat, his strength. I was surrounded. And I wanted more.

I forgot where we were.

Who we were.

All I cared about was climbing inside of Cam.

Our grip on each other was almost painful, our kiss hard, wet, desperate.

Right.

Cam groaned, the vibration reverberating in my chest and soaring downward between my legs, and I writhed against him. He got the message, pressing his body deeper against mine, his erection digging into my lower stomach as his legs spread mine farther apart. I whimpered with a want that was out of control and Cam pulled back to stare at my swollen lips. I’d never seen a man so lost in a sexual fog and my sex clenched at the knowledge of the power I had over him, my knickers damp as my body grew ready for him.

Cam nipped at my bottom lip, and then licked the same spot. ‘I’ve fantasized a million times about this mouth,’ he told me hoarsely before crushing my lips against his again.

The embrace was even more out of control than the last one, and when I felt his warm fingers against the inside of my thigh, I deepened the kiss, urging him onward to explore. When I felt his fingers go beneath my underwear, I almost exploded.

His fingers slipped torturously slowly inside me and I cried out against his mouth, my hips jerking against his hand.

Cam dragged his mouth from mine, panting against my neck. ‘If we don’t stop, I’m going to fuck you right here.’

Those words were like a cold shower and I pitched back under the icy blast – guilt and shame I’d never felt before spraying down on me as Cam lifted his head to look at me.

Slowly, as he took in my expression, the sexual haze dissipated from his eyes and I felt the loss of his fingers. ‘Jo …’

I shook my head at him and pushed against his shoulders, trying to fight back the tears. ‘We can’t do this. What are we doing?’

The muscle in Cam’s jaw twitched and he abruptly released me, only to grab me by the upper arms, his expression raw with some unnamed emotion. ‘I’m ending it with Becca. Tonight.’

Tonight? Now? The blood rushed in my ears as panic set in and I realized what he really meant …

‘I know. It’s shit, I know. But I can’t go on like this. I’m not the guy who cheats on his girlfriend. And I can’t continue to be the guy who fucks his girlfriend wishing all the time she was someone else.’

Elation and fear washed over me in equal measure. ‘Cam, I …’

‘You want this. I know you do.’ He pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, breathing him in. ‘Will you leave Malcolm?’

My muscles locked and I knew Cam felt it, because his grip on my arms tightened.

‘Johanna?’

The truth was, I didn’t know the answer to that question. Walking away from Malcolm wasn’t just about me. It was about me and Cole and our future.

‘You’re telling me you’re going to stay with that guy?’ Cam asked harshly, shaking me a little. ‘You’re going to go through the rest of your life standing at his side at parties, laughing that stupid bloody fake giggle, with your eyes contradicting your mouth every time it opens.’ He pulled back and I almost flinched at the distaste in his eyes. ‘That girl you were out there is not Jo. I don’t know who that is, but she’s an arse who pisses me off. She’s fake, she’s simpering, and she’s a fucking bimbo. She’s not you.’

We were silent, our breathing uneven and loud as we worked to calm the tension between us. Hurt by his words, and yet in agreement with them, I found my mind whirling as I tried to weigh my options, the consequences, what was right and what was wrong.

I took too long to answer.

Cam let go of me and I shivered, feeling instantly cold. I wanted to die at the look he gave me.

Without another word, he reached past me to unlock the door and I found myself unceremoniously moved aside as he wrenched it open and disappeared into the party.

Tears clogged my throat, but I refused to let them travel to my eyes, my hands clenching at my sides. I could handle this without the waterworks. I knew I could.

Moving on shaking legs, I slumped against the sink to stare at my reflection and then gasped in horror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes bright, and my skirt was still rucked up a little from where Cam had slipped his hand between my legs. I gasped again, remembering his fingers in me, and I gripped the sink so tight that my knuckles turned white. My nipples were peaked against my shirt and the colour was still high on my cheeks.

I had to get myself under control or everyone would know what I’d been up to.

I gave myself ten minutes and as I returned to Malcolm’s side, I saw Cam out of the corner of my eye shoving his way through the crowds of people towards the exit. The front door slammed loudly not too long after.

‘You okay?’ Malcolm’s voice pulled my head around.

‘He’s a bastard!’ Becca could suddenly be heard over the hum of music and voices. Malcolm and I twisted around to find her. She was in the corner, being comforted by her friends.

‘Do you think he dumped her?’ Malcolm asked in my ear. ‘While you were in the bathroom they were arguing.’

Ashamed that I knew the answer all too well, I couldn’t look at him. ‘Looks like it.’

‘You okay?’ he repeated.

‘I’m not feeling this party.’ I shrugged.

‘Yeah, and it looks like Becca is about to kick off.’ Malcolm sighed. ‘Would it be awful if we snuck out?’

I threw him a weak smile. ‘It would be great.’

He held my jacket and I shrugged into it. Two seconds later I let him pull me out of the flat. Without a word we walked down Leamington Terrace to the main road on Bruntsfield Place and waited for a taxi to approach with its light on. When we had no luck, Malcolm took out his phone. ‘I’ll just call us one. We’ll go back to my place for a while, yeah?’

I thought about heading back to his place with him, of him leading me up to his room like he always did, undressing me slowly and pushing me back on the bed …

It left me cold.

It made me feel sick with guilt.

Like I was cheating …

Malcolm had just put the phone to his ear when I found myself blurting out, ‘Stop.’

Taken aback, Malcolm immediately lowered his phone and switched it off. His eyes washed over my face and whatever he saw there made his lips pinch tight together. He took a moment and then he asked, ‘What’s going on?’

My practicality had taken a run and jumped off the nearest cliff. My emotions were fully in charge as I replied, ‘I can’t go back to your place.’

And then he surprised the hell out of me. ‘Because of Cam.’

After working so hard to control them earlier, I felt those blasted tears hit my eyes. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Malcolm heaved a sigh and I saw pain flicker in his gaze as it searched my face. ‘I really care about you, Jo.’

‘I care about you, too.’

‘I see the way he looks at you. The way you look at him. I knew there was something …’

‘I’m sorry.’

He shook his head, holding a hand up to stop me. ‘Don’t.’

‘I feel awful.’

‘I can see that.’

‘I never slept with him.’

His jaw clenched and then relaxed enough for him to reply, ‘I know. You’re not that kind of girl.’

Fingers quaking, I pushed up the sleeve on my jacket and unfastened the Omega watch he’d given me for Christmas. When he made no move to take it, I lifted his hand and placed the gift in the palm of it, curling his fingers around it. ‘Thank you for everything, Malcolm.’

When he looked up from the watch, a piercing ache emanated from my chest at the dejection I saw in his face. ‘He’s just a kid who doesn’t know what the hell kind of gift he’s getting in you, and when he’s done, when he makes the mistake of throwing you away, I hope you’ll come back to me.’ He stepped towards me and I froze as he dipped his head to press a sweet kiss against my cold lips. ‘We could be really happy.’

I didn’t take a breath until he put some distance between us. He threw up a hand and I turned to see he was flagging down a taxi. It did a U-turn and pulled up at the kerb. Malcolm opened the door for me. ‘I’ll be here when he’s done with you.’

I left him standing on the street, as the taxi took me back to London Road.

I’d broken up with Malcolm.

Oh, my God.

I felt heavyhearted. I felt remorseful. I was worried I wasn’t doing the right thing. However, overriding all of that was this desperation to find Cam, to tell him I did feel what he felt. For the first time in as long as I could remember I was going after what I really wanted. Perhaps tomorrow I would lament the decision, but tonight I just wanted a taste of something really good and pure for once.