Текст книги "Untamed"

Автор книги: S. C. Stephens

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Текущая страница: 23 (всего у книги 29 страниц)

Chapter 24

Hope

Liam and I were called up to different stations at the same time, but I gave him a good luck clap before we parted ways, not that this part was hard or anything. It was just paperwork. The lady at the table had a number waiting for me when I stepped up to her. I smiled at seeing it—6969—my favorite number.

“Name?” she asked, her fingers hovering over her laptop, ready to record the information.

Clearing my throat, I stated, “Griffin Hancock.”

She started to type, then stopped and looked up at me. “Are you messing with me?” she asked, scrutinizing me. Since Liam had done such a good job on my disguise, she was having a hard time seeing the former rock star in the person standing before her.

I sighed, then shook my head. Leaning down, I told her, “I’m Griffin Hancock, former D-Bag. I don’t want people to recognize me, that’s why I look like this. I just want to try out, like everybody else.”

Her eyes were wide, but instead of outright believing me, she asked, “May I see your ID please?”

After I handed it to her, she gasped. “Oh my God, it is you. You realize this is a contest to replace you, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know. Can I fill out the forms?”

“Oh, yes, yes…” She handed them my way. Once I began working on them, she asked, “Can we get a testimonial? Before your audition.” When I looked up at her, she said, “Just a little something we can use for the broadcast, to help the audience get to know you. Not that they don’t already know you.” She could barely contain her enthusiasm. She was either one of my elusive fans or, more likely, she recognized television gold when she saw it.

“Sure. Why not.” The more the audience knew me and knew my side of the drama, the better my chances were.

The girl looked over my shoulder and snapped her fingers. When she had someone’s attention, she pointed at me and mouthed the words He’s next. After I handed her my completed paperwork, she handed me my number and gestured to a waiting area. “You’ll be called when it’s time for your group to enter the auditorium. Until then, wait over there for your testimonial.” With a beaming smile, she stuck her hand out. “I’m not supposed to say this, but good luck!”

I clasped her hand with both of mine. “Thanks.” I was going to need it.

When the camera was finally thrust in my face, the host of the show said, “So what is your story? How is it that you came to be here today?”

Inhaling a deep breath, I told him, “My name is Griffin Hancock, and I’m here to get my job back.”

Frowning, the host looked over at the cameraman. “Cut,” he said, making a kill motion with his hand. The red light instantly died on the camera. The host turned back to me, irritated. “Look, this is a serious part of the show, to let the audience get to know your personality. So, just tell the truth okay? What’s your name?”

Leaning forward, I said, “Griffin…Hancock. I’m the former bassist of the D-Bags, and I’m here to get my job back.”

The host sighed, then spoke into something at his wrist. “Sally, contestant 6969…who is this guy?”

I could see his eyes widening as he listened to her response. “Holy shit…” he muttered, then snapping his fingers at the cameraman, he barked, “Start filming. Now!” When he spoke to me again, his tone of voice was completely different. “Griffin, this is such a surprise. Do the guys know you’re auditioning, and why are you wearing a disguise?”

Shrugging, I shook my head. “No, they have no idea I’m here. No one knows I’m here, and for now, I want to keep it that way. I just…” I looked down at my hands, not able to face him anymore. “I’ve made a lot of boneheaded mistakes lately, but leaving the band was the biggest. I just want to show the guys that I’m serious now.” I looked up at him, determination in my voice and my face. “I want this, and I’ll do whatever it takes to win my spot back.”

“Excellent. Inspiring words for an inspiring moment. We’re all rooting for you, Griffin.” The host started to motion to the camera guy again, but I interrupted.

“Wait. I want to say one last thing.” The host leaned in, instantly intrigued again. Staring directly at the camera, I said, “If my wife is watching, I just want to let her know…Anna, you mean the world to me…and I’m sorry I…”

I couldn’t say anymore ’cause my damn throat closed up. I gave the host an I’m done signal, and he signed off with flowery words about love and heartache. When the camera died again, he extended his hand and wished me luck, just like the other girl had. I soaked it up like a sponge.

About an hour later, our group was led into the auditorium. The entire room smelled like nerves, and everyone around me was sweating. Even though I knew what I was doing, even though the guys on the judging panel were my best friends, and even though I loved being the center of attention, I felt like I was going to throw up.

Liam and I grabbed some seats in the back of the room so I could observe without being observed. Kellan, Matt, and Evan were set up at a table in front of a stage. They were listening to a guy jamming on a guitar that was provided for the auditioners. They had about ten different types to choose from, along with drums, keyboards, and various other musical equipment. The point of the audition was to showcase a person’s best talent, and the guys understood that that might not necessarily be bass guitar.

Matt was bobbing his head to the beat while the guy onstage shredded it. Evan was casting glances at Kellan and Matt, but by the grin on his face, I could tell Evan liked this guy. I could see why too; he sounded amazing. Fuck. I suddenly felt very inadequate surrounded by so much raw talent. But I was good too, and I knew what I was doing. That had to count for something. Kellan was the only one who seemed unimpressed. Well, maybe he was impressed, he just wasn’t showing it. Whenever I got a peek at his face, his expression was completely blank.

When the guy was done, all three guys accepted him into the next round. I hoped it went as smoothly for me. And Liam. As he sat there beside me, sweating and rocking in his chair like he had a mental condition, I could see how badly he wanted this.

Just as I was about to wish him good luck, a group of people in front of us caught my attention. I elbowed Liam. “Look who’s here,” I said with a smirk.

Liam looked over to where I was pointing, and spotted them instantly. Our entire fucking family was here. Chelsey was giggling as she pointed out Kellan to Mom. Dustin seemed transfixed by the entire production. Surprisingly, it was Dad who turned and spotted Liam and me in the back. He waved, then gave us each a thumbs-up. I didn’t know what to do, say, or think. My parents had always been supportive, yes, but it had typically been a backseat kind of support. I don’t think they’d ever even seen a D-Bags show. It kind of choked me up that they were here, which was sort of irritating. I was quickly becoming as much of a girlish wuss as Kellan. Goddammit.

When my number was called, I went down to the waiting area. I was next. My nerves spiked as I watched the person before me. He looked awkward onstage, like he was about to shit his pants or puke in the bucket just off camera. I sympathized; I sort of felt the same way. After his lackluster performance, all three judges said no. It felt like it was bad luck to have a bad review right before I went on. The announcer called my name—my nickname, since they allowed contestants to use them.

“Next up…G-Dog.”

There were a few chuckles in the crowd, and a lot of screams. My family was in on the disguise, but they weren’t the subtle type. I raised a hand in acknowledgment, then made my way to one of the guitars on the stage. I kept my head down, and my ball cap low. I wanted the guys to hear my music first, before they realized who I was. I couldn’t play that way though. I needed to engage the crowd. Showmanship was just as important as ability; I’d been drilling that into Liam all week long. Playing well was only half the battle. But once I started up with my usual antics, the deception would be over—the guys would recognize me instantly. Nothing to be done about that though.

I’d chosen a D-Bags song, since I knew them better than anything else out there. I picked an old one though, one that had never been officially released. I figured I’d stand out from the crowd better that way, since everyone was playing D-Bags songs.

Since this was a music competition, there were no accompanying background rhythms. No drums, no vocals, no nothing. It was just me, and whatever noises came out of my guitar. That was nerve-wracking. It was pretty much the solo from hell.

I chose a lead guitar so the rhythm would shine through. And unlike that dreaded time when I’d fucked up a perfectly good D-Bags song during rehearsal for my parents, I was going to nail it. I silently counted out the rhythm, then started in. The intro was quieter than the chorus, and I kept my head down while I played, stretching out my anonymity for as long as I could. Once I got to the chorus though, I let it rip.

Dropping all of my doubts and fears, I imagined that I was back at a D-Bags concert, rocking out with fifty thousand of my closest friends. The music electrified me as I made eye contact with the crowd. I started singing along to the song I was playing, and making playful faces at the crowd. They were clapping along, dancing in the seats, and cheering my name. Well, my nickname, at any rate. For a few glorious minutes, I completely forgot that I was fighting for my life; I just had fun. Man…I’d missed this. But then I noticed the judges, and I was suddenly yanked back to reality so quickly, I swore I had whiplash.

I knew in five seconds flat that the guys had recognized me. Matt was scowling. Evan looked shocked, and Kellan…he was finally smiling. Matt raised his hand to stop me. I played four more bars before I consented and stopped my fingers; they vibrated along with the last chord, and the listening crowd cheered and clapped. I’d rocked the shit out of my audition.

By the look on Matt’s face though, you wouldn’t think that was true. “What the hell are you doing here, Griffin?”

I heard murmuring in the crowd as people tried to figure out what was going on. Knowing the jig was up, I removed my hat, my wig, and the expertly glued-in-place goatee; that one stung like a mofo to remove. Without my getup, people started recognizing me, and I heard gasps, then screaming. But mixed in with the screaming, there was an awful lot of booing. I was not universally loved.

Matt turned around in his seat to silence the crowd. When he got them under control, he swiveled back to me. His face was firm; he wanted an explanation for this. For a lot of things, probably. “I’m auditioning,” I told him. “Just like everybody else.”

His eyebrows scrunched together and he shared a look with Evan and Kellan. “You’re auditioning…for your old spot?”

Why did everyone keep asking me to reaffirm that? I was well aware that it was kind of ironic, but it was the only way I could get back in. “Yes,” I said, as seamlessly as possible.

Evan leaned forward then. “You know that the winner is going to be determined by the fans, right? We don’t have a say.”

I nodded. “I know. But the three of you determine who gets on the show…and all I’m asking for is a chance. Put me through my paces, like anybody else. Let me prove to you, to everyone, that I’m good enough to be a part of this band. Let me earn my right to play with you again…because I don’t think I earned it the first time around, and I definitely didn’t appreciate it. I do now though, and I want this. I want to play with you guys again. I want to be a D-Bag.”

The auditorium was so silent, I could hear myself breathing; it was much heavier than it usually was. I felt like I’d just run a fifty-meter dash, and I was waiting on the judge to tell me if I’d won or not. By the impassive looks around me, I couldn’t tell. It could still go either way.

Kellan was the first one to break the silence. “I’m a yes. He should move on.”

The crowd cheered in agreement as Kellan’s eyes moved over to Matt and Evan. One down. Matt’s lips were pressed into a firm line. Of all the guys, I’d hurt him the most when I’d left, both physically and emotionally. I’d taken a gigantic dump on our familial bond; he wasn’t going to forgive me anytime soon.

With Matt not speaking yet, Evan piped in. “I’m a yes too,” he said with a nod toward me. Two down. The crowd screamed again, and then all eyes shifted to the last judge. Getting in had to be a unanimous decision, and I silently begged Matt to give me a chance. I even hung my head while I waited. You have all the power here. I know that, and I accept it. Just don’t say no…I’ve got nothing left.

Like he could hear me, Matt simply said, “Yes.” When the shrieking from the other contestants died down, he added, “You’re in, Griffin…but just so you know, it’s not going to be easy.”

Feeling like my face was going to split apart from smiling so hard, I nodded. “I don’t want it to be easy.” I wanted to prove to them, to the world…and to myself…that I belonged here.

Liam went on after me. I was nervous as hell watching him with my family; it was even worse than when I’d been up there. People in the stands were watching me more than Liam. I ignored them and focused all my attention on him. Hopefully if I didn’t engage them they’d watch him too. And he deserved to have their attention. He was killing it!

When his song was over, I shot to my feet, whistling and shouting at the top of my lungs. All three judges approved Liam going to the next level, and I almost fell into the people in front of me I was jumping around so much. Matt walked onto the stage to give his cousin a quick hug of congratulations, and the crowd cheered at the display. Liam looked like he was going to cry. Fucking pansy. I couldn’t have been happier for him.

When he joined us in the audience, I picked him up in a bear hug. And even though he was my oldest sibling, I gave him a noogie like he was my kid brother. After everyone in our group had auditioned, our lot was escorted out so the next set could come in. Mom and Dad wanted to take Liam and me out to celebrate, but there was something I needed to do first. Well, there were several things I needed to do, but there was one thing in particular that couldn’t wait.

“You guys go ahead. I need to talk to the band.”

Liam looked around the lobby flooded with people who’d just finished auditioning or were waiting for their turn. Now that I wasn’t wearing my disguise, people were starting to notice me. I was getting stares, whispers, and curious expressions. Is that who we think it is? “Even if you were a part of the band once, bro, they’re not going to let you talk to them. You’re just a schlub now, like us.”

Shaking my head, I told him, “I have to try. I need to clear the air before the chaos starts.”

Nodding, he patted my shoulder. “I hope they let you in then.”

When it was clear there were no more groups left, I started to get nervous. What if the guys were whisked away by security, slipped out the back so nobody could bother them now that their job for the day was done. It was strange to not be a part of that. Looking at their fame from the other side made them seem larger than life, unapproachable. They weren’t though. They were my friends. Or were, once upon a time.

Hoping they were still there, I snuck back into the auditorium. Luckily, they were. All three guys were clustered around the judging table, discussing the auditions. Matt was saying, “I knew we’d find talent in L.A.” I hoped he meant me.

Just as I started to approach them, a hand clamped onto my shoulder. “Auditions are over, you need to leave now.”

I looked up at the massive bulk blocking my path and was about to tell him who I was, when I realized he already knew. “Sam? Damn, it’s good to see you.” Giving him a slug in the shoulder, I wondered if he felt the same.

He cracked a small smile. “Griffin…it’s been a while.”

Taking that small gesture as a positive, I started moving around him. “I need to talk to the guys before they leave.”

He moved to block my path. “Auditions are over. The band isn’t seeing anyone right now.”

My expression was incredulous. “Dude…it’s me.”

Sam shrugged. “I have my orders. No one is to bother the band once auditions are over, and I hate to have to tell you this, Griff, ’cause I do like you, but…you’re not part of the band anymore. I’m sorry, but you need to leave.”

He started pushing me back toward the doors. Unbelievable. I’d known this guy since he was a glorified bouncer at Pete’s. But I guess I couldn’t fault him for wanting to keep his job. Maybe if I’d been equally diligent, I’d still have mine. I wasn’t about to give up that easily though. “Kellan!” I shouted.

Kellan turned my way after hearing my voice. A wide smile stretched across his lips as he waved me over. “Let him through, Sam. It’s okay.”

I adjusted my clothes once Sam moved aside to let me pass. “See,” I told him. He merely shrugged, and I knew he’d do it again if he thought it was what the guys wanted.

As I trudged past him, I noticed Matt slap Kellan’s shoulder in a gesture of Why did you invite him down here? Kellan ignored him and kept his eyes on me. When I was close enough, he lifted his hand in greeting. “Griff, it’s good to see you. I’m glad you came down.” By the twist of his lips, I knew what he really meant was, I’m glad you listened to my wife.

Slightly uncomfortable now that I was directly in front of them, I scratched my head. “Yeah…well…I couldn’t let this opportunity go by without trying, you know?”

Matt’s face darkened. “Opportunity? Do you have any idea how shitty the last year has been? Do you even care?”

Swallowing, I debated how honest I should be. Then I realized the only thing I had left was honesty. “No, I really didn’t know how hard it had been on you guys…and no, I really didn’t care. All I cared about was getting what I thought I deserved…and I ended up pushing everyone who meant a damn away from me. I was a selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, diva, asshole, creep, moron…and I’m so sorry.”

The guys were all staring at me in shock. I usually never admitted when I was being an idiot. Typically, I wrapped my I’m awesome mantra around me like armor. And I knew why…admitting I was flawed fucking sucked. I’d rather be doing just about anything other than telling the guys what I was telling them, but that would only get me stuck in the same dark pit I’d been stuck in for the last few weeks. No, I’d be stuck in an even worse pit, since I’d just kissed my job goodbye by moving forward in the competition. I had nothing to fall back on.

Matt regained his composure before the other two. “Do you think you’ll go farther if you butter us up?” he asked, his expression suspicious.

Shaking my head, I told him, “No. I don’t expect anything from any of you, I just…I fucked up, and I wanted to apologize for it…even if it is too late to change anything.”

I turned, prepared to walk away, but Kellan put a hand on my shoulder. “I accept your apology,” he stated. “Good luck in the show.”

“Thanks,” I said, then I gave him a brief one-armed hug. I’d known that Kellan was the least angry of the three, but I felt a little better after hearing him accept me.

Evan sighed, then extended his hand. “What you did gave new meaning to the word ‘jackass’…but I forgive you too. Good luck, man.”

I shook his hand, feeling even better. Matt was glaring at me, so I figured I wouldn’t get very far with him. I’d been expecting that though, so I just nodded, to let him know I understood why he couldn’t say the words.

I was halfway up the aisle leading out of the auditorium when I heard him curse and say my name. “Wait.”

Pausing, I watched in surprise as he jogged over to me. When he was in front of me, he shoved his hands in his front pockets and stared at me for a second. “Look, I can’t forgive what you did like the others, but…I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

My jaw dropped. The last thing I’d expected from him was an apology. He twisted his lips as he took in my expression. “I’ll admit, I was a dick when you left. I was just…mad, and hurt. I felt betrayed. The way you left…you may not have needed us, but we needed you, Griffin. You screwed us, big-time, and you didn’t even care. And that fucking hurt.”

Nodding, I studied my feet. “I know, and I’m sorry.” Looking back up, I told him, “I was wrong, about so many things. I do need you guys. Even if I’m not in the band anymore…I need you guys. You’re my family…all of you.”

Matt silently stared at me for a moment, then clapped my shoulder. “Good luck in the show, Griffin.”

My smile was huge as I nodded. “Thanks.” He started to turn away to rejoin the guys, and I grabbed his elbow. Matt bristled a little, and I released him. We were slowly mending things, but we weren’t entirely on good terms yet. “Have you seen Anna? Is she…is she doing okay?”

Matt opened his mouth, then closed it and looked over at Kellan. With a frown, he returned his eyes to me. “You should call her,” was all he said. I had no idea what that might mean, and a spike of fear went up my spine.

“Yeah, okay…thanks.”

He clapped my shoulder, then trotted off. I left the theater in a daze, Matt’s words ringing through my brain. You should call her. And once I got back to my shrine of a bedroom, that was exactly what I did.

Well, that was what I did after I stared at my phone for forty minutes while family members banged on my door wanting to congratulate me. The entire house was in party mode, with loud music, lots of chatter, and enough food to choke a horse. There was so much noise that even with my door closed, I could barely hear myself think. It wasn’t exactly the ideal situation to try to reconnect with my wife, but if I waited for the perfect moment, it might not ever happen.

Knowing I just needed to be a man and do it, I dialed her number. Anna had been sporadic on answering her cell phone when I’d called her in the past, but this time, if she didn’t, I would leave a message. From here on out, I would always leave a message. She was the girl of my dreams, and I wasn’t going to give her up without a fight.

Surprising me, she picked up on the third ring. “Hello?” she sniffled, like she’d been crying. Fuck. Was that because of me?

“Hey…it’s me…Griffin.”

A small laugh escaped her. “I know it’s you. I know your number.”

Duh. Right. “I was just calling to see if you were okay. I saw Matt today and he said…” Not knowing where to go with that, my voice trailed off.

Anna was silent for a few seconds, then said, “You saw Matt? Where?”

Smiling, I told her everything about the auditions, from Kiera coming down to tell me about them, to the disguise Liam had cooked up, to how nervous I’d been. “I was sure the guys were gonna say no…but they moved me to the next round. I think I’ve got a good shot to get on the show…to get my job back.”

She let out a small sigh. “That’s great, Griffin. I’m really happy for you.”

A distance seemed to stand between us as her end of the line went silent. “Anna…I can’t do this without you. Even if you’re in Seattle, and I’m down here, I need your help, your support. You’re my best friend…I need you.”

She sniffled again. “You’re my best friend too, Griffin. I think that’s what makes this so hard…”

I didn’t want to know what she meant by “this.” Separation…or divorce? Instead of asking her to clarify, I asked, “Did you get my letter?”

There was a long pause, then she quietly said, “Yes…You love me? Just straight-up love me?”

I smiled, remembering back to her complaining that I never told her those words. God, what a stubborn idiot I was. “Yes, I love you. I think I’ve always loved you, even when it freaked me out to love you.”

She laughed. “Yeah.” After another pause, she said, “Okay, Griffin. I’ll be your support, I’ll be your friend. But that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly fine. You hurt me. You…betrayed me. That’s not something I can just get over. Understand?”

“Yeah…I understand.” You need time. I’ll give you all the time you need, because all I really need is you.