Текст книги "Untamed"

Автор книги: S. C. Stephens

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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 29 страниц)

I shrugged. “The day isn’t truly awesome until a gorgeous girl has scratched me up. I wear my war wounds with pride.” Looking at the design she’d left behind, I added, “I might actually get this one tattooed on me. How cool would permanent shred marks be?”

Anna smiled, then shook her head. “No, if you want claw marks to tattoo, I’ll give you some good ones. Then every time you look at them, you can remember how you got them.”

“Damn…yeah, that’s a much better plan. Fuck, you have the best ideas.”

Gibson grabbed my nose and pulled my attention her way, where she liked it. Girl had a jealous streak a mile wide. Looking at her was like looking at a miniature version of me, if I were a girl. She had the same light blue eyes, same blond hair, although hers was a pristine platinum color while mine was a little dirtier. As it should be. She gave me a smile full of shiny white teeth, then spouted, “Fuck.”

Anna crossed her arms over her chest, but her expression was more amused than annoyed. “I think we’re at the point where we need to start watching our language.”

I looked past Gibson to Anna. “Watch my language? You might as well ask me to hop on one foot while reciting the alphabet backwards. I can’t police myself like that twenty-four/seven. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.”

Anna swished her hands at Gibson. “Well, she’s starting to copy you, and if we don’t put a stop to it now, she’s going to start calling people cocksuckers soon.”

I started laughing. “That…would be so awesome.”

Anna put her hands on her hips; true irritation was starting to edge out her amusement now. “No, it wouldn’t be.” She smiled. “Well, yeah, it kind of would be, but as parents, we have to put a stop to that kind of stuff.” She sighed. “Well, we should try anyway.”

Looking back at Gibson, I frowned. “I suppose I could try.” Even though I was sure she didn’t have a clue what we were talking about, Gibson laid her head on my shoulder, wrapped her arms around my neck, and patted my back like she was encouraging me. Yeah, if it would help Gibson, I would try to control my mouth. There wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for that little girl.

The three of us started heading toward the bedroom. Anna grabbed her purse off the bed; the covers were rumpled and falling off, but neither one of us had bothered to fix it. Why put it together if we were just going to mess it up again? That was my philosophy anyway, and Anna seemed to agree with it. We had a tendency to think alike, which really freaked me the fuck out.

As Anna slipped the strap of her mammoth bag over her shoulder, she looked over at me. I’d shifted Gibson onto my back and I was bouncing her up and down…like a pogo stick. Mmmm, I loved pogo sticks.

“Before I forget, your dad called.” She frowned after she said it, and I wondered if Pops had done or said something to piss her off. It wouldn’t surprise me. Dad had no filter. Mom said it ran in the family. Whatever.

“Yeah? And what did that fucker want?”

Anna sighed, indicating Gibson with her hand. I scratched my head as I thought of a more kid-friendly way to put it. Minding my tongue was a pain in the ass. “Uh, what did that…feller…want?”

Anna laughed at my cheesy fill-in word, then frowned again. Rubbing her stomach, she said, “They want to come up for the birth. All of them. And they want to stay here.”

Well of course they did. My place was fucking fantastic, much nicer than the shitholes my family called home. Once the money from our second album had started pouring in, I’d done what anybody in my position would have done. I’d contacted a real estate agent and told her to find me the most expensive house in Seattle. Sadly, we hadn’t ended up buying that one, but the one Anna and I had settled on was definitely in the top ten. This place was outrageous, outlandish, and way too big for just three people, or four, or ten. I loved it.

I wasn’t the only D-Bag who had invested in real estate. Kellan and Kiera had a huge secluded place north of Seattle, in the middle of BFE, and Matt and Rachel had a swanky condo downtown, with an amazing view of the pier and the Ferris wheel. Both of those spreads had required a ton of dough, although neither was as pricey as my place. Evan was the only one who’d bought a modest home. He’d actually purchased his old loft. Well, his loft and the auto body shop beneath it. He’d converted the business into extra living space and an art studio for Jenny. It was cool. I guess. Kellan hadn’t liked the fact that Evan had done that though. That particular auto body shop had been the only place Kellan had trusted to look after his car. Pansy. It was a car, get over it already. And he had, eventually. Although he’d hired the chick mechanic to be his personal car person. Hmmm, I needed a girl in my garage, wearing a bikini, covered in grease, looking over my hot rods. Ha-ha! Hot rod…

“Griffin…? Did you hear what I said?”

Shaking my head, I snapped out of my dirty-girl fantasy. “Uh, yeah, Mom and Pops are coming for a visit. Sounds cool.”

Anna sighed. “They’re all coming, Griffin. Your mom, dad, brother, sister, nieces, aunts, uncles, cousins. It’s going to be chaos, and that’s the last thing I need when I’m sleep deprived.”

I gave her a sympathetic smile, even though it didn’t sound like a big deal to me. “It will be fine. This place is huge; you’ll barely see them. They’ll probably spend most of the time at the pool anyway.” The house had an indoor Olympic-sized pool with a ten-person hot tub right next to it. A selling point for me.

Anna didn’t look moved by my argument, so I added, “And you won’t be sleep deprived…you just listed off about a dozen babysitters. We could go on vacation if we wanted.”

“I’m not leaving my newborn infant with your family. Not even for a month in Cabo.” Her expression told me that she really meant it. So did her next words. “You need to call him back and tell him they can visit for a weekend, but that’s it.”

“A weekend? Babe, they’d barely get to see the newest Hancock. How about a month?”

Anna turned to face me with her arms crossed; she had her game face on. I knew what that meant. Negotiation time. “The offer on the table is five days after the baby is born. What’s your counter?”

I thought for a second. “Twenty days.” Anna cringed but didn’t object. That was the rule for negotiations—Person A had to accept Person B’s offer without complaint, and vice versa.

“Okay,” she muttered. “Game room.”

Spinning on her heel, she sauntered out of the room. With an eager laugh, I followed her. Anna and I had come up with a completely fair way to solve disagreements. Fair, and fun. Personally, I thought we were geniuses for thinking of it, and every married couple should follow our example. Maybe Anna and I should market the idea and sell it. Yeah…we could be marriage counselors. We were awesome at this shit.

We walked down a hallway filled with gaudy works of art. The more ridiculous something was, the more I liked it. There were statues of pissing kids, dog-faced fish, and flying monkeys. My home was filled with portraits of gigantic asses, which Anna swore were pumpkins; a Monty Python–like rendition of God in the sky, who kind of looked like me with a beard; and my favorite piece—a dog dropping a deuce in the crapper. Anna made me tuck that one away in my office. I thought it would be more appropriate in the bathroom. I mean, come on! A dog on the toilet above the toilet? What could be more awesome than that? I’d lost that negotiation though, and once a winner was declared, there was no getting out of it. Negotiation results were set in stone. Literally. I had them written down on a boulder in the backyard.

The “game room” was on the other end of the house, and it took a few minutes to get there. I almost reminded Anna that we were running late for rehearsal, but I didn’t. I loved this game. Sometimes I disagreed with Anna about stuff just so we could play. The game room was kid paradise. We had a movie theater–style popcorn machine, so the room permanently smelled amazing. We had a half dozen old-school arcades, Frogger included. We had a ball pit for Gibson, which is where we usually found her when she disappeared on us. We even had an indoor batting cage and a boxing bag. But what Anna and I used to settle disputes was in the center of the room: the Ping-Pong table.

Anna started setting up while I set Gibson down by the ball pit. She squealed and made a beeline for the colorful plastic balls. With a mighty jump, she belly flopped on top of them and started swishing her arms and legs like she was making a snow angel. I almost wished the pit were bigger so I could join her.

When I headed to the “negotiation” table, Anna already had ten cups set up on her side, forming a pyramid, and was working on setting up the ten cups for my side. Anna’s cups were filled with seltzer water, since she was preggers and couldn’t drink. It took some of the fun out of the game, but it couldn’t be helped. Baby Hancock would have to wait at least fifteen years to play the real beer pong. Anna had won that negotiation too.

I helped Anna fill up my cups with a tasty chocolate stout; it was more like dessert than alcohol, but I had a massive sweet tooth. Once everything was set up, we flipped a coin to see who went first. “Heads,” I told her with a smile. If given a choice, I always chose head, although tail wasn’t bad either.

Anna tossed the coin up, caught it, then smacked it on the back of her hand. When she lifted her fingers, we both leaned in to see who would be first. Predictably, it was tails. “Me first,” she said with a grin.

“Not a problem. I prefer going second anyway.” I pinched her butt. “Ladies should always come first.”

Anna laughed in that low seductive way that made my dick twitch. Then she grabbed her ball and lined up her shot. “Here’s to a short visit,” she said, before she let her ball fly.

It expertly splashed into one of my cups, and I nodded in approval. My girl had skills; it kept the game interesting. “Game on, babe. Game on.”

Chapter 2

The Day Awesome Died

It was official. My family was staying for twenty days. Anna had accepted the outcome of our game, but she wasn’t happy about it. A deep frown was fixed on her face as we packed Gibson into our “family” car—a bright yellow Hummer; I wanted people to see us coming a mile away. For safety reasons, of course.

Anna glared at me as she buckled Gibson into her car seat. “I can’t believe you made that last shot,” she murmured.

Still feeling buzzed from the game, and my admittedly lucky toss that had won me the argument, I huffed on my knuckles, then rubbed them against my shirt. “Never doubt the master, babe.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled. “Well, when I’m too tired and irritated to put out anymore, remember that you wanted it that way.”

The smile fell off my face. “What do you mean? You always put out…that’s what makes us work so well together. It’s the glue that holds us together.” I made my fingers interlock, then pushed them together and apart a few times, simulating the act we were both so very good at.

Anna gave my body a once-over before she answered. “I’m not saying I won’t want to jump your bones, but the odds of it happening will diminish with each day your family stays here. Just warning you now.”

“Well, that sucks.” I tossed Gibson’s bag of crap into the back a little more harshly than necessary. It fell on its side and some of her diapers spilled out. Guess I should have thought that one through a little more before I’d fought for it. Too late now. Maintaining the sanctity of the negotiation outcome was the closest to keeping a promise that I got.

With a sniff, I told Anna, “I’m not worried. I bet I can change your mind.” Grabbling myself, I jostled the boys in an age-old gesture of I know you want this seduction. “A few days without the Hulk, and you’ll be climbing up the walls. You’ll be begging for a little action.”

Shaking her head with an amused smile, Anna replied with “Only time will tell.”

A slow smile spread over my lips. “Oh yeah, that’s what I thought.”

She frowned as she got into the driver’s seat. “That wasn’t a yes.”

My grin grew wider as I stepped into the passenger’s side. “It wasn’t a no either. Your ass is mine, Milfums.”

She started the car. “Whatever…Dilfums.” By her expression, she didn’t believe me. But I knew, from the bottom of my loins, that as soon as she was cleared for takeoff, she’d want to take a ride on the Griffin Express again. Past experience told me so.

The drive to Kellan’s place took forever. I honestly had no idea why he insisted on living in the middle of nowhere. Or why we kept having rehearsals at his place. Evan’s place was fine. Even better than ever now, since he had more room than before. And it was close too. It didn’t take three thousand hours to get there. Sure, Kellan had a soundproof room all set up with recording equipment, and yes, he lived far enough away from the world that we weren’t bothered by anything but the occasional raccoon or grizzly bear, but honestly, the isolation wasn’t worth the sores on my ass.

By the time the Gate of Mordor was finally in front of us, my buzz was completely gone. And just when I could have used it too. Gibson was watching her favorite TV show on the overhead DVD player. It was the third episode on the disc, and my patience was wearing thin. If one more of those little half-wit bastards asked me some stupid shit like what color the sky was one more time, I was going to punch something.

Kellan’s “fortress of solitude” was circled by a six-foot-tall wood-and-metal fence. It screamed, Leave us the hell alone! They hadn’t built the moat yet, but I was positive one was coming soon. In front of the imposing nine-foot-tall metal gate, there was an intercom box. Since the gate was closed—as always—Anna rolled down her window and pressed the call button. After a half minute, a thin, reedy voice sounded from the speaker. “Please state your full name and the nature of your business.”

Even though he was trying to disguise it, I instantly recognized Kellan’s voice. Leaning over my wife, I shouted into the speaker box, “My name is Griffin Suck-My Hancock, and I’m here to punch Kellan Kyle in the nuts. Now let me the fuck in, antisocial fucker.”

Kellan sounded more like himself when he responded. “Wow. Do you kiss your kid with that mouth?”

Cameras were everywhere around the entrance. There was one on the intercom, and one on each side of the gate. Getting in this way unnoticed wasn’t possible. Stretching over Anna so Kellan would get a clear shot of my face, I replied, “Yeah, I also lick my wife like an ice cream cone.” I waggled my tongue, just to gross him out. Or Kiera, if she was watching too. With a smile, I added, “In fact, I’ll do it right now while I’m waiting for the gate to open. You can watch.”

I dropped my head into the slim space between Anna’s stomach and the steering wheel. She laughed and started threading her fingers through my hair while a disgusted noise came from the intercom box. It didn’t take long for the gate to start squealing open. “God…just get in here before I change my mind and have the gate permanently sealed…along with my eyes.”

Gibson giggled as I lifted my head from Anna’s lap. “I-cream, Daddy! I-cream!” Anna snorted as she looked back at her daughter, then she quickly drove us through the gate. Kellan might actually lock us out if we took too long.

Kellan’s driveway was about sixty thousand miles long. There were a couple of decently sized potholes too. Kellan should really be a better homeowner and fix that shit. After the third bump, Anna put a hand on her belly. “I have to pee so bad,” she said through clenched teeth. I wasn’t surprised; she had to pee every five minutes. When the three-story estate came into view, Matt and Evan’s cars were already parked in the driveway. Anna stopped beside Matt’s rig, threw the Hummer in park, then dashed out the door without even turning the car off. As I watched her perfect ass bounding away from me, I wondered if she’d just pick a bush outside and squat. I wouldn’t blame her if she did. Kellan’s house was on a hill, and there were at least a hundred steps leading to the front door. Maybe more. It was annoying. Before he put in the moat, he should really consider an escalator. Or a boom lift. That would be awesome.

Turning around in my seat, I faced Gibson. “Looks like it’s just you and me, kiddo.”

Gibson gave me a toothy grin. “I-cream.”

Laughing at her one-track mind, I unbuckled my seat belt. “Okay, we’ll see if Auntie Kiera has any.” Gibson clapped her hands while I shut the car off.

After slinging Gibson’s bag over my shoulder, I freed her from her car seat and scooped her into my arms. She yawned, making me do the same. “Yeah, I know. Uncle Kellan practically lives in another country. We’d already be done with rehearsals if we were still at Uncle Evan’s place, but nooooo, we’ve all got to suffer so Kellan can have his ‘privacy.’” Giving her a serious look, I added, “Sometimes family sucks. Not always…but sometimes.”

Gibson tilted her head like she was considering my statement, then she closed her eyes and started falling asleep. Patting her back, I laughed. Then I turned to look at the five thousand steps in my way and groaned. “Goddammit,” I muttered, then began the hours-long trek.

I was hot and sweaty by the time I reached the top. Then there were five more damn steps to get up the front porch. I was freaking done with stairs by the time I got to the brick-red door. I knocked on it with my boot, then yanked it open with my free hand before anyone could respond.

Kellan and Matt were in the entryway, along with Matt’s girlfriend, Rachel. Rachel was glued to Matt’s side, like she’d float into space if she wasn’t holding on to him. Kellan and my cousin were discussing something about the band’s schedule. Looking at Matt was like peering into a hazed, cracked mirror. Sure, we looked alike, but my hotness was crisp and clear while his was muted, a sepia-toned replica that didn’t hold a candle to my brilliance. Kellan was…well, a lot of girls seemed to think he was the be-all and end-all of male perfection. No, sorry, girls. He’s not. That strong jaw, deep blue eyes, and just-fucked hair was nothing special. And sure he was ripped, but…his body was just so-so next to mine. My body art made my skin much more interesting than his boring, chiseled lines. Whatever. His abs were airbrushed on anyway. I’d read that somewhere, and I totally believed it. Kell didn’t work out enough to have definition like that.

Matt was in the middle of a sentence, but I interrupted him as soon as I stepped into the room. “What the hell is up with all those steps, Kell?” Readjusting Gibson, I snarked, “You know, maybe you should have put the driveway on top of the hill with the house, instead of at the bottom of the hill. Then you wouldn’t have to climb freaking Mount Everest every time you got out of the car.”

Kellan frowned. “I didn’t design the house, Griff.”

I shrugged off Gibson’s bag and it hit the ground with a thud. “Yeah, but you can redesign it, can’t you? It’s not like you’re the lead singer of the most successful band in the world, with more cash coming out your ass each morning than most people make in their entire lifetime.” I paused a minute, then finished with “Oh wait, yeah you are. Fix this shit.”

The click of Anna’s heels echoed on the tile as she stepped into the room. “I agree with him on this one, Kellan. That climb sucks, especially when you have a bowling ball pressing on your bladder. I almost had to water your roses.”

She lifted a brow at him and Kellan flashed her his trademark million-dollar grin. “I’m glad you didn’t. How are you feeling, Anna?”

I knew Kellan was all gung ho about his wife, but sometimes his niceness toward mine irked me. Maybe it was because of how we’d hooked up. Me and Anna, not me and Kellan. She’d been visiting her sister, Kiera, and had been goo-goo-eyed for Kellan for all of five seconds, until she’d gotten a whiff of me. After that, Kellan hadn’t had a chance with her. I think he still resented me for that. Anna was the one who got away. Well, sorry, Kell, but she’s all mine. From those luscious lips to that five-star ass…mine.

Anna sighed as she walked toward me. Patting her stomach, she answered him with “Like I wish it was September already.”

Kellan’s eyes got that sympathetic softness that I had seen girls swoon over time and time again. Whatever. I could make that silly-ass I-care-about-you face too. “You sure you want to go on this tour, Anna? It pretty much knocks on your due date.”

Anna yawned and nodded at the same time as she stepped to my side. Since Gibson was half-asleep on my shoulder, I figured my two girls would be napping during rehearsal. I wished I could join them. “Yeah,” she told Kellan. “It beats hanging around the house, bored out of my mind, while you guys are out having all the fun.” With a grin, she looked up at me. “Besides, being on the road during the last part of my pregnancy is good luck for the baby. Just look at how gorgeous this one turned out.” She gave Gibson’s shoulder a soft kiss.

She was right about that. Gibson was perfect. We’d been somewhere back East, on tour with the hotness that was Sienna Sexton, when Anna had spit Gibson out. I’d missed the show that night to be there at the hospital, but that hadn’t mattered to me. Still didn’t. I’d miss every show in the world to be there when my kid was being born.

With another yawn, Anna took Gibson from my arms. Gibs let out a sigh and stretched her arms, but that was the only move she made. Anna squeezed her tight, then looked over at Kellan. “She didn’t sleep well last night. I’m gonna go lay her down. Where’s Kiera?”

Kellan pointed upstairs. “She’s putting Ryder down.”

Anna nodded, then sighed when she looked at yet more stairs. Turning to me, she leaned in for a kiss. “I’ll see you after rehearsal.”

Seeing an opportunity to make out with a hot girl, I cupped her cheek and drew her lips to mine. Our mouths moved together, and I pushed my tongue inside her. She let out a low noise that instantly ignited me, and I grabbed her face with my other hand. Yeah, game on…

We were just getting hot and heavy when someone cleared their throat. I looked up to see Matt grimacing at us. “Dude, get a room.”

Pulling away from Anna, I smirked. “We’re in a house, jackass. That’s like one giant room.”

Anna giggled, then she rubbed my arm, said goodbye, and walked that sweet ass away from me. I watched her swaying figure until she was completely gone. Once she was out of view, I adjusted my junk and turned to Kellan. He was eyeing me with a mixture of disgust and amusement. When I stepped up to him, he took a step back; his hands drifted down to cover his privates. I was confused at first, until I remembered what I’d stated as my “business” earlier at the gate.

“Relax, sunshine. I won’t damage your family jewels. Anna wants another cousin for Gibson and Newbie.” Tapping my jaw, I reconsidered. “Maybe I should though. It might help you hit the high notes.”

Kellan took another step back. “I can hit the ones I need to hit just fine, thanks.”

I cracked my knuckles. “Okay, but the offer stands if you ever change your mind.”

“Noted,” he muttered with a laugh.

“Evan here?” I asked. His truck was here, but he could have gone for a walk or something. Although I had no idea why he’d want to. He’d probably get run down by wolves or chased by Sasquatch. God, I missed civilization.

Kellan pointed out back, where the soundproof room we used for practice was. “He’s working on something with Jenny.”

Instantly, the picture of Evan bending his fiancée over his drum set entered my head. I mimicked with my hips what Evan was most likely doing. “Yeah, I bet he’s working on something.”

Rachel made a noise and I shifted my attention her way. She shut her mouth and her cheeks flushed bright red. Rachel was shyer than Kiera, which was saying a lot. The girl so rarely talked that I often forgot she was there. And when she did speak, her voice was usually soft and polite. Just once I wanted to see her lose her ever-loving mind. There was a freak buried under the calm, I just knew it.

Rachel’s eyes searched the floor for a moment before lifting to Matt’s. “I’m going to grab Jenny and start working on her website.”

Matt nodded, then cringed. “I still think she should reconsider the name of her gallery.”

Rachel shrugged. “She has her heart set on it.”

Confusion washed over me like dirty seawater. What the hell are they talking about? “What’s she naming what? What gallery? Like an art thingamabobber?” An idea struck me and I immediately offered it up, because I was thoughtful like that. “Does she need a subject to paint?” Sticking my tongue out, I cupped myself. “’Cause I’ve been told my subject is a work of art.”

Matt’s expression turned bland while Rachel turned even redder; the tips of her ears were almost purple. After Rachel hurried away like her hair was on fire, Matt frowned at me. I was used to his thin lips turned into a perturbed scowl, so it didn’t faze me. In his typical sarcastic voice, Matt droned, “No, I think what you were told was that you’re a piece of work. While similar sounding, there is a distinct difference between the two. I can draw you a diagram, if you don’t get it.”

While I flipped him off, Kellan answered my question. “Jenny is opening an art gallery downtown. She’s calling it Bagettes. It’s opening the day before the tour stars, and we’re all playing at the opening.” Kellan looked at me expectantly, but all this was news to me. Seeing my blank expression, he scrunched his brows and said, “We’ve been talking about this for the last three rehearsals, Griff. You don’t remember that?”

I shrugged. They talked about a lot of shit that I didn’t pay any attention to. I was usually too busy planning my moment of awesomeness. A moment that I was going to bring up today. It was time. As soon as we were all together, I was going to demand the spotlight I deserved.

With closed eyes, Kellan shook his head. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then he shut it again like he’d changed his mind. Whatever. I didn’t need another lecture anyway.

Kellan led the way to the studio, and Matt and I followed him. Matt smacked my back as we walked through the living room. He was smiling, so I figured I’d amused him somehow. That was how we worked. Snarky, rude, belittling comments mixed with a touch of humor. We pissed on each other then laughed about it later. It was our thing. I clapped him on the back as well. No harm, no foul.

Kellan opened the slider to the backyard and waved us through like he was our butler. The image of Kellan waiting on me hand and foot, always at the ready with a tray of beer-a-ritas and pork rinds, snapped into my head. Ha! That would be fucking awesome. I snorted as I walked by him, but he didn’t ask what was funny. He knew better than to ask.

The studio was on the far side of the pool. The cool water looked refreshing, and I considered shoving Matt in as we walked past it. I didn’t though, which made me appreciate myself even more. The guys should really give me more credit for all the shit I didn’t do. If they only knew how many awesome ideas I passed on, they’d be truly impressed by my self-control.

Jenny and Rachel were exiting the studio as we approached it. Rachel had her laptop under her arm, and Jenny was beaming, pleased as punch about something. Evan’s fiancée had been a staple at our favorite bar since almost the beginning. I knew her as well as I knew the bar menu. Speaking of…Pete should really update his menu. He didn’t even have tongue tacos on there. What respectable bar doesn’t serve tongue? If it were my bar, I’d serve tongue with everything. My tongue. To chicks.

“Hey, Jenny. Bagettes, huh?” I said as she walked by me.

The perky blonde turned to point her breasts in my direction. “Yeah…I was going to call it D-Bagettes, but I thought that might turn some customers away, so I shortened it.” She tilted her head, like a confused puppy. “I’m surprised you remembered.”

Giving her a wicked smile, I tapped my skull. “I remember everything. My mind is a steel trap—nothing gets out.”

Matt elbowed me in the ribs. “Nothing gets in either.”

I gave him a glare. His ass might get shoved into the pool by the end of the day anyway, and he’d only have himself to blame. I could only be good for so long, after all. “You’re lucky you look like me,” I told him. “Otherwise I’d have to wipe the floor with you.” Matt looked horrified that I’d just pointed out our similarities. While his face morphed through various stages of disgust, I matter-of-factly stated, “I have too much respect for the genes to kick your ass.”

Kellan and Jenny laughed at my comment. Rachel frowned, and for a minute she looked just like my cousin. As disbelief washed over his face, Matt held up a finger. “Wait a minute…let me get this straight. The reason you haven’t ‘kicked my ass’ yet…is…‘respect’?” He made air quotes with his fingers as he said it.

With a smile, I nodded. “Yep.”

“It has nothing to do with the fact that you couldn’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag? No…a wet newspaper. A lying-on-the-ground, completely flat newspaper,” he said with an I’m so clever smirk on his lips.

A guffaw escaped me. “What are you talking about? I’m a badass. Remember that time I whooped that guy in L.A.?”

“He was blind.”

I lifted my finger in defense. “I didn’t know that at the time. And honestly, he was talking shit. Shit-talking overrides the handicap home base, so he was fair game.”

Matt’s mouth dropped open. “Handicap home base?” Still looking stunned, he shook his head. “Every day, it still surprises me that we’re related.” He looked over at Rachel. “I don’t think I’ll ever truly accept my reality.”

Smacking his chest, I laughed. “Yeah, I know. It’s hard to be related to a godlike creature such as myself. I’d feel the same if I were you…but thank God—otherwise known as me—I’m not you.”