Текст книги "Undone"

Автор книги: R. E. Hunter

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

13

Embry pulled her car into Luke’s driveway and took a deep breath, trying in vain to calm her rapid heartbeat. The butterflies from last night were back and her nerves were spiraling out of control. We’re just going to talk. That’s all. She sat for a moment to gather her thoughts.

When she’d woken up, she turned on her phone to find a text from Luke asking to talk that afternoon. She suggested waiting until school on Monday since she wanted to spend as little time alone with him as possible. But he didn’t think it would be appropriate to have a conversation about their relationship at Whitman, and he was right. Since she lived closer to campus, Embry agreed to meet at his place.

Grabbing her purse, she got out of the car, and walked to the front door. She took another deep breath and rang the doorbell. There was no answer. Just as she lifted her hand to knock again, Luke swung the door open.

“Hey,” he said, out of breath.

“Hi.”

He wore distressed jeans, a tight white tee that showcased every curve of his muscles, and a worn Georgia ball cap that looked as though it’d seen better days. He looked far younger than his thirty-one years and absolutely gorgeous. “Were you waiting long?” He leaned in to kiss her cheek as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Embry froze, not knowing how to respond. She pulled in a breath, loving how he smelled, and savored his nearness. It took everything she had to back away instead of leaning into his warmth. “Not long. Just a minute.”

“Sorry about that.” He guided her through the door, his hand on the small of her back. His touch seared through the thin material of her top and set fire to her skin. He was completely oblivious to the effect he had on her. “I was pulling my rods out of the basement.”

She looked at him in confusion.

“Fishing rods,” he said hurriedly. “I thought we could go down to the dock and talk. I think better with a fishing pole in my hand.”

“Oh, um, okay.” She didn’t care where they talked. She just wanted to get it over with. After just a minute together, the sexual tension was thick between them, and Embry didn’t want to stay a minute longer than she had to.

They walked through his town home and out onto the back deck where he’d stashed two fishing poles and a small bucket of night crawlers. Luke led the way down the stairs and toward the dock in silence.

As they reached the end of the dock where two fold-out camp chairs were waiting, he looked over his shoulder and shot her a wide grin. “Have you ever been fishing before?” He was all innocence and charm.

In that moment, she couldn’t remember why she’d been upset with him. “Nope, I haven’t.”

“Want to try?” he asked, hope in his voice.

“Sure, I’ll give it a shot.” She looked into the bait bucket. “But can you, um, put the bait on?”

Luke chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll do the dirty work,” he said, giving her a wink.

She didn’t know what his game was. They were supposed to be having a talk, hashing things out. Instead, he acted as though nothing had happened. She leaned against one of the pilings and watched him bait the hook. The wind picked up, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

“Cold?” Luke asked.

“A little,” she admitted.

Reaching into the back pocket of the fold-out chair, he pulled out the Georgia sweatshirt he’d snuck over her head on the beach. “I thought you might be.”

She eyed the sweatshirt. “No funny business?”

He held his hands up in mock surrender. “No funny business. I thought you’d be cold. I don’t have any Gator sweaters lying around,” he joked.

“Thanks.” She pulled it over her head and was engulfed in him. Taking a deep breath, she lost herself in his scent.

“Here,” he said, coming up behind her and startling her. He held the fishing rod in front of her, waiting for her to grab it. “Cradle the pole in your arm like this, and use your thumb to control the spool.” He took her hand in his, positioned her fingers where he wanted them, and lightly stroked his thumb over hers.

The feel of his body against her back and the warmth of his touch was suddenly too much. She was surrounded by him. He was invading every one of her senses and putting cracks in the walls she had put back up. She was frustrated, confused. She felt so good being near him, but it hurt, too.

“Luke,” she said sharply, wiggling out of his grasp. Turning to face him, she tried to ignore the hurt on his face. “You told me if I wanted the research position, then I needed to hear you out. I’m willing to do that. I’m here. But I can’t do this.” She motioned between them. “We can’t do this.”

He propped the fishing pole against the chair, took off his hat, and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Leaning against the railing, he gestured to the chair. “Sit. Let’s talk.”

She immediately regretted speaking up. The spell was broken, and Luke’s demeanor had changed. She wanted nothing more than for him to wrap his arms around her again and show her how to fish. But as much it hurt to lose what could have been, a relationship wasn’t worth risking their futures. She sat down, and he stared out at the bay. Knowing how hard the conversation would be, Embry sat patiently, giving Luke time to gather his thoughts.

He turned toward her, his apprehension palpable. “Where should I start?”

“At the beginning. Tell me why you lied.”

“Short version or long?” He laughed nervously, grabbing at his neck.

She eyed him, waiting for a serious answer.

He let out a breath and settled in the chair beside her. “Because I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Lose me?” Embry’s eyebrows pushed into her hairline. “But you didn’t even know me.”

“I know, but—”

“But what?” All of her feelings, buried deep under her desire for him, rushed to the surface. “I was just another girl. A student. You didn’t know me, but you knew I was a student.”

“I know.”

“And you’re a professor.”

“Yeah.”

“Then why? Why approach me at all?”

“Because I couldn’t stay away,” he said, scrubbing his hands down his face. His blue eyes burned bright. “Because you were never just another girl to me.”

Embry balked at his statement. She snapped her mouth shut and waited for him to elaborate.

“I was drawn to you, Bree. I wanted you from the moment I saw you.” His eyes held hers, refusing to let go. “I can’t explain it. I just knew I had to be near you.”

“But you knew I was a student.”

A crooked smile formed on his lips. “Yes, beautiful, we’ve established that.”

His endearment cut her to the core. “I just don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?” he asked. “I was falling for you the minute I saw you.”

Throat thick with emotion, she was once again stunned into silence by his candidness. If she had any question about whether their feelings were mutual, she had her answer.

“You think I didn’t know the risk? That I didn’t think about it?” he asked. “It was all I could think about. The first time I saw you in that hallway, I cursed you in my head. I didn’t want to want you; I didn’t want this. But here we are.” Pain streaked across his face.

“Here we are,” Embry said, her voice barely audible. She remembered their first encounter in the hallway, his hesitation, the emotions that passed across his face before he could hide them.

“I planned on telling you. When I asked you to have dinner the other night, I was going to come clean, tell you everything. We’d established our feelings, and I didn’t want to keep it from you any longer. “

“But you kept it from me for over a month, Luke.”

“Do you think I wanted to lie to you? That I enjoyed it?”

She saw he was becoming frustrated, but his frustration only served to stoke the embers of her anger. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to think.”

“You wouldn’t have given me a chance, Bree.”

“How do you know?” she responded, indignation clear in her voice.

“Seriously?” He chuckled. “You’re the most determined, motivated, dedicated person I know. You were born to be an attorney, and you worked so hard to get here. If I’d told you I was a professor, I’d never have convinced you to spend time with me. I wanted you to see me, without the stupid title and school conduct code.”

Embry thought about it for a minute. As strongly as she felt for him, he was right. She never would have gone for it. But that didn’t excuse it.

He said, “Look, I know how important school is to you, and I respect that—”

“Do you, Luke? Because if you really cared, if you weren’t just thinking about yourself, you wouldn’t have put my whole future in jeopardy. You weren’t a professor – my professor – at the time, but you took away my choice in the matter.”

“I knew it was a risk,” he said quietly, “but you were worth it.”

She looked into his sad eyes, and just like that her anger dissipated. A dull ache took its place. She was upset that he had lied, but it wasn’t just to get her into bed. She knew his feelings were real. She knew because she felt the same.

“I was careful, Bree. I wasn’t even supposed to start teaching until next semester. I thought we had time. I never wanted you to find out like this.”

Tears welled in her eyes and slid slowly down her cheeks. “I just don’t get what the point of all of this was.”

“Because I need you, beautiful.” He tugged on her chin to bring her eyes to his. “I told you on Saturday that I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t have you.” He gently wiped away her tears. “I thought once you got to know me, it wouldn’t matter. I wasn’t supposed to ever be your professor. I thought we could find a way around my job. I know lying was wrong. I fucked up. But I couldn’t take the chance of letting you get away.”

Embry stared back at Luke, her Luke. She couldn’t let him go either; she just didn’t want to deal with the hurt anymore. She wanted to feel something good. Reaching out, she grabbed his face and brought his mouth to hers. Every nerve ending in her body flared to life as their lips connected. She knew he was holding back, letting her run the show. She parted her lips, allowing him access, and he slowly swept his tongue into her mouth. As he wrapped his arms around her, all of the feelings she’d been pushing down for the past week rose to the surface. Thoughts of Luke as her professor played through her head. She tried to push them away, tried to lose herself in the kiss, but it was too much. She pulled away, trying to catch her breath.

“Embry?” Luke questioned, his eyes searching.

She stared at her hands, unable to look at him.

“Hey,” he said, gently lifting her chin so their eyes met again.

“I … I can’t.” She shook her head as new tears threatened to fall.

It was Luke’s turn to be stunned into silence. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed thickly, pain and regret painted across his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I know you are. I’m sorry, too. I just can’t do this.” She rose from her chair.

“Bree, wait,” he pleaded, grabbing her arm. “Look, forget about the kiss. Stay. Let’s talk this out, okay?”

She hesitated, but nodded numbly as she folded back into the chair. Luke sat quietly as if he knew she needed time to process her thoughts.

“This is why I didn’t want to talk,” she explained. “I get why you lied. I’m not happy about it, but I get it. But where does that leave us? Being angry made it easier to ignore my feelings for you. I don’t know how to do this. How to feel the way I do and pretend I don’t.”

Luke’s hand went to his neck again. “I don’t know either, but we have no choice. I put us in this position. I’ll work it out.”

“How?” Embry asked, genuinely curious as to how Luke thought they could pull it off.

“I don’t know. But I have no intention of letting this affect you. Your future is too important. We’ll do what we have to. Keep it professional. You’ll assist me with Coleman’s research, and we won’t spend time together outside of school. We’ll make it work.”

The thought of losing Luke brought back the dull ache in her chest, but they had no choice. At least with her research position, she’d get to spend some time with him. “Okay, we’ll make it work.”

“And if after …” he said quietly, looking unsure.

Warmth unfurled in Embry’s belly. He didn’t have to finish his sentence; she was right there with him. Maybe once the semester was over and he was no longer her professor, they could be together. They’d have to keep it quiet, of course, but it could work. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She couldn’t believe she was actually thinking about having a relationship with a professor. A few months ago, she never would have entertained the possibility. Feeling the way she felt about Luke, she didn’t think she could just walk away. She snuggled into his sweatshirt and gazed out over the water. “Yeah, maybe after …”

They sat in silence until Embry became restless. Being in Luke’s presence was too easy and comfortable, and she needed to get used to not having a connection with him. She rose from the chair. “I should head out. I have some studying to do.”

Luke nodded, rising from his chair. “Okay, I’ll walk you out.”

She walked back toward the town house, Luke close behind. Stopping in front of her car, she turned and found herself staring into Luke’s hard chest. She stepped back, trying to create space between them, but found her back against the car door.

He lifted his hand toward her face but let it fall back to his side before making contact. He offered an apologetic smile instead. “Thanks for hearing me out. I’m glad we got to talk.”

“Me too.”

Luke didn’t move to leave, and he stared down at her intently.

“Well, I’ll see you Monday,” she offered awkwardly.

That seemed to snap him out of it. He stepped back and shoved his hands in his back pockets. “Yep, see you then.”

When she unlocked her car door, the sleeve of Luke’s sweatshirt fell past her hand. She spun around, pulling up on the sweater. “I should probably give this back.”

Luke caught Embry’s hands, stilling her movements. “It’s chilly out. Keep it.”

“You sure?”

He nodded and dropped his hands, his steel blue gaze boring into hers. She was rooted to the spot, once again lost in his eyes.

“Come here,” he said, holding out his arms, his voice nothing but a sexy rasp.

Embry didn’t hesitate. She stepped forward, and Luke wrapped her in his arms. He nuzzled her neck, breathing her in. A small strangled whimper escaped her lips. At the soft sound, Luke’s head lifted, his eyes ablaze. He ran his hands into her hair and slammed his lips on hers in a bruising kiss. For just a moment, Embry surrendered, reveling in the feeling of being consumed by him.

It ended as fast as it began. Luke tore himself away, sadness flooding his features, and Embry ducked into her car, offering a short wave. As she pulled out of the driveway, her eyes cloudy with tears, she lifted her fingers to her kiss-swollen lips, knowing that it was good-bye.

14

Embry was dragged out of a delicious dream by her alarm clock blaring. She rolled over to silence the music, and she was immersed in Luke’s scent, warm and woodsy. She shot up, groggy and confused, to search for him. Finding her bed empty, she looked down to see that she was still wearing his sweatshirt, and the events of the previous night came crashing back. Pulling it to her nose, she inhaled deeply, taking in as much of Luke as she could before ripping it over her head. She folded it and left it on her pillow, knowing that was the closest she’d get to Luke. They’d drawn their lines, and both of their futures depended on them staying on their own sides.

She ran through her morning routine, grabbed her books, and headed to class. Her first research meeting with Luke was that afternoon, and she was jumpy and nervous. Her anxiety grew as she sat in her first class.

What would it be like with Luke? Would he be friendly? Could she really pretend he was nothing but a professor to her? She was confused and upset over they way they had left things. They’d agreed to keep their relationship professional—make it work any way they could—but then they’d shared that kiss. It was supposed to be an ending, a good-bye, but it didn’t feel like it.

She caught herself running her fingers over her lips, remembering the feel of Luke’s mouth. Pulling her hand away, she glanced at Jeremy to see if he’d noticed her petting her lips like a freak. He winked, reached in his pocket, and put whatever he’d pulled out into her hand.

Her cheeks heated as she looked at the stick of lip balm. Busted. “What’s this?”

“Chapstick,” he answered.

“I can see that, thanks. Why are you giving it to me?”

“Chapped lips?”

“My lips are fine,” she said.

“Well you were rubbing at them, so I figured you needed some relief. Unless it’s another kind of relief you’re after. You know I’m good for that too.” He wiggled his eyebrows in typical Jeremy fashion.

“Ick, Jer!” she said, throwing the Chapstick at his chest.

“Hey, take it easy!” He threw his hands up and laughed.

“Mr. Price.” Embry and Jeremy jumped to attention when the professor called Jeremy’s name.

“Yes, sir,” Jeremy answered.

“Were you volunteering for the next case or interrupting my class to flirt with the pretty girl next to you?” the professor asked.

Embry felt her cheeks turn an embarrassing shade of red.

“Neither, sir?” Jeremy answered, shrugging.

“Well, in that case, why don’t you tell us about State versus Jackson and the felony murder rule.”

* * *

By the time Embry had to meet with Luke, she was ready to go home and hide under her covers. Jeremy hadn’t been prepared, and the professor had torn him apart. Since Jeremy couldn’t answer the questions, the case was dumped on Embry, and she’d done a shit job of analyzing the case law. She’d never felt so stupid.

Then there was contracts. Two hours of Professor Brody was its own special brand of torture, especially since she couldn’t stop daydreaming about his mouth on hers. They’d avoided eye contact for the duration of the class, both struggling with their newfound professor-student relationship, but when she wasn’t looking at him, she felt his eyes on her. She kept to herself, not volunteering and trying to avoid any emotional outbursts, all the while squirming in her seat.

As she made her way up the stairs toward the faculty wing, dread settled heavy in her stomach. Their meeting was at four o’clock and she was already running behind, but she couldn’t seem to get her body to cooperate. She dragged her feet when she should have been rushing. She walked down the long hallway until she found “Professor Lucas J. Brody” printed on a small, gray plaque next to a door. She breathed deeply, trying to calm her unruly nerves, and knocked.

“Yes?” he called from the other side of the door.

She pushed the door open and peeked in. “Professor?” The word felt all wrong on her tongue. Especially when she still felt the ghost of his lips on hers. Focus, Embry.

His face lit with a gorgeous Luke smile that quickly melted away as he shut down his emotions and put up a wall. Enter Professor Brody. “Yes, Miss Jacobs, come on in.”

She walked in and sat in one of the leather chairs facing his desk. She perched awkwardly on the edge of the seat and hugged her bag.

“How are you?” he asked, the words bursting with meaning.

“I’m …” She distracted herself with the zipper on her bag before looking into his penetrating stare. “I’m okay. You?”

“I’m good,” he answered, holding her gaze.

“That’s good.”

They sat in awkward silence. The room was charged with all of the emotions and desires they couldn’t act upon. She wasn’t even three feet from Luke, but she suddenly felt worlds away. He cleared his throat, and Embry shook herself from her thoughts.

“So where are you with Coleman’s research?” he asked.

“I-um …” She let out a small nervous laugh. “Sorry”—she pulled her bag open—”let me grab my notes.”

Embry gave Luke the rundown on her work with Coleman, and they came up with a new research schedule. They’d meet two to three times a week in his office to go over her findings and work together. She had a feeling that meeting so often wasn’t necessary, but she didn’t say anything. He gave her a few small tasks to work on for him then stood and walked around his desk as she packed up.

“So I’ll see you on Friday at four?” he asked.

“Well, I’ll be in class, but yeah, Friday at four.” She started toward the door, but she jumped when she felt Luke’s hand on the small of her back.

“Sorry.” He pulled his hand back and rubbed his neck. “I just, um … I’ll walk you to the door.”

“Oh no, it’s okay.” Heat rushed to her cheeks. She was embarrassed and so uncomfortable.

Luke pulled the door open, and she practically ran through it, dying to get away from him.

* * *

“It was terrible! And when I say terrible, I mean unbelievably awkward, uncomfortable, and torturous!” Embry said, flailing her arms.

“Tell me how you really feel,” Morgan said dryly, sipping her beer.

Embry had met Morgan for happy hour after seeing Luke. That meeting definitely necessitated more than one alcoholic drink.

“It was awful,” she shouted over the happy hour crowd.

“I’m getting that.”

“I have no idea how we’re going to make this work. Going from whatever we were to … to this. It sucks.”

Morgan shrugged and took another sip of her beer.

“What?” Embry asked.

“Nothing,” Morgan replied, looking bored.

“What do you mean nothing? Why are you so quiet about this? You always have two cents to put in.”

“You don’t want to hear my two cents on this,” Morgan warned.

Embry rolled her eyes and let out an aggravated sigh. “Of course I do. You’re my best friend. I need advice.”

“My advice won’t be what you want to hear.”

“Well tell me anyway,” she prodded.

“Fuck him.”

“What?” Embry was sure she had heard wrong.

“Fuck. Him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Told you you wouldn’t like it,” Morgan said.

“I don’t understand what you’re suggesting.”

“I’m suggesting that you get over yourself and get under Luke.”

Embry gasped, smacking her best friend on the arm. “Morgan!”

“What?” Morgan laughed. “I’m serious. This thing between you two won’t go away. Fuck him. Have fun. Fall in love. Whatever. But just be happy, because this Bree”—she motioned toward Embry—”is no fun.”

Embry opened and closed her mouth like a fish, having no idea what to say. “You think I should have an affair with my professor?”

“No. I think that you should have a relationship with Luke, the man who makes you happy.”

“I don’t know, Morgan,” she said, completely unsure of what to do.

“Try for friends then.”

“Friends?”

Morgan shrugged.

“Have you ever been friends with a professor? Let alone a hot male professor that every student wants to sleep with? How am I supposed to be his friend? Can I even go back to being friends after … well, you know. How can I be friends with my professor when I know what he can do to me with his mouth?” Embry snapped her jaw shut and her eyes widened as she realized she’d been thinking out loud.

Morgan smirked and shook her head. “What choice do you have?”

* * *

On Friday, Embry experienced deja vu as she dragged herself up the stairs toward the faculty wing. She wasn’t looking forward to another awkward meeting with Luke. Class with him had been more of the same: avoiding eye contact and sneaking glances when the other wasn’t looking. There was only so much more she could take. Morgan’s words ran through her head. “Fuck. Him.”

Embry pushed away the thought, knowing that wouldn’t solve anything. She approached Luke’s office, knocked, and waited for an answer.

The door swung open, and Luke stood in the doorway. “Hi, Embry. Come on in.”

He looked about as worn down as she felt. She watched him walk back to his desk, sit down, and loosen his tie. She was mesmerized as he unbuttoned and rolled up his sleeves, unable to take her eyes off of his hands.

“You gonna sit?” he asked.

Embry flushed. She took her place on the edge of one of the large leather chairs and dug through her bag, pretending to look for something instead of acknowledging Luke’s eyes on her.

“Okay, enough,” he said, voice tight.

Embry looked up, eyes wide with confusion. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. You didn’t do anything,” he said, running his hands through his hair. “This is just so goddamn uncomfortable. It’s ridiculous. I’ve had you in my bed, for Christ’s sake.”

Embry looked at him in surprise, not believing what had just slipped from his mouth. “Hence why it’s so awkward,” she said, smirking.

Luke lifted his eyes to the sky and shook his head at her, a wide grin splitting his face. They broke into laughter as the tension eased from the room.

“This isn’t us,” he continued after they’d composed themselves.

“There isn’t an us anymore. We can’t be us,” Embry said quietly.

“Yes, we can. We’re not strangers, Bree. We don’t have to act like it.”

“Okay.”

“We can be friends.”

She looked at him skeptically. Morgan’s suggestion of friendship played in her head. She wasn’t sure professors and students were supposed to be friends.

“Friend-ly,” he amended.

“Okay, we can try.”

His dimples deepened as a large smile spread across his face. She was left with the thought that being friend-ly with Luke would be the death of her.