Текст книги "Masquerade"
Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn
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Текущая страница: 3 (всего у книги 16 страниц)
Chapter Five ~Bee~
KIDNAPPED GIRL HOME AFTER NINE YEARS IN CAPTIVITY
It was just like any other week when four-year-old Leila Malone went to the park with her mom. It was their Monday tradition. They played on the swings and the slide, which her mom, Katherine, said was her favorite. But on this Monday, Leila happened to slip away from her mother.
“It wasn’t a minute. Not a minute and she was gone. My baby is gone!” Her tearful mother had cried that day. There were searches and news conferences to follow. Private investigators and even psychics.
“I’ve never seen a family like the Malones. They fought the good fight and have never given up hope on finding their little girl. They love her more than anything,” Detective Harris had said when he announced the case had gone cold. That didn’t stop the Malones. The pictures never went away and anyone living in Virginia, maybe even the United States, knew the name Leila Malone, but nothing worked. It seemed their little girl was lost forever.
Until now.
Nine years after little Leila went missing, she’s back home with the family who never stopped looking for her… who never stopped loving her. It’s a miracle, and the world could use more of those. The two people who were responsible for taking her away from her family are safely behind bars, where they won’t be able to hurt anyone again.
Good luck, little Leila. We’re so glad you’re home where you belong!
Opening a folder in the locked drawer in my desk, I stuff the old newspaper article back inside. I try not to think how Melody and Rex never hurt me, like the person who wrote it said. They did hurt me according to everyone else, and I get how that’s true. My brain knows it is because they kidnapped me. They took me from my parents. It’s my heart that has trouble remembering it because the truth is, even though I struggle with the concept of love, I didn’t always. And when I remember who taught it to me, it was them because they’re the only ones who hold my early memories.
These are the things no one will ever read about. How at first it wasn’t a miracle for me—I’d been taken from my family. I was scared and hurting and felt guilt for those feelings.
My eyes sting, because I still feel all of those things.
Before I let myself go through the hundreds of other articles in the drawers—the ones documenting my parents’ search for me, and the trail afterward, and the pictures of Melody and Rex, I shove the drawer closed again. I’m not sure why I even started looking in the first place because all it does is make me feel when I don’t want to.
It’s been a couple days since I agreed to let Maddox in my shop. He comes in for a couple hours every day. I hate to admit it, because I almost hoped he’d screw up, but it hasn’t been bad. He’s up half the night working at Lunar, but he never shows it when he’s here in the afternoons.
Even though I’m not the first person to work with him, he still studies everything I do. He watches me clean equipment and does everything exactly the way I tell him to. His dedication annoys me, even though it shouldn’t. He’s new, but he loves it, and it feels strange having that in common with him.
For the millionth time I look at my cell. It’s almost 3:00, which means Maddox will be here any minute. It’s been slow as hell today and I’m hoping we get someone in not just because I want to work, but because it also helps when the scratch is here. We’re both quiet and even though I’m glad he’s not talking my ear off the whole time, it’s awkward as hell.
When the door opens, I don’t look up, knowing it’s Maddox. Instead I turn to the computer to pull up my playlist so we at least have some music to listen to.
“We have anyone scheduled today?” he asks.
Now I let my eyes find him and wish he wasn’t so gorgeous. He still has that dark stubble on his jaw, which I’ve always found sexy, and eyes that are this unique shade of gray, with long black lashes.
Eyes aren’t really something I’ve ever cared about drawing or tattooing, but for some reason, I think I’d like to draw his. I’d like to see if I could get the curl of his lashes right and the tone of his gray.
“Nope. Hoping for some walk-ins, though. It takes a while to build up clientele.”
He nods before sitting in one of the chairs. Maddox crosses his arms, and I can’t help but take in the long, toned muscles as they constrict with his movement. It’s crazy looking at him sometimes, because there’s always this edge of anger right below the surface. I see it almost come out, but he always finds a way to hold it back. If I thought he’d ever really let it out, he wouldn’t be here. Still, it’s definitely always there, making me wonder what he has to be so pissed about.
But then there’s something in there that reminds me of Trevor too. Not that I know him really, but he has that pretty-boy look. He’s the type of guy who was popular in school and played sports and probably slept with the cheerleaders.
It doesn’t fit, but I see that in Maddox too.
“You’re staring at me.” His voice is calm, even, like it doesn’t really matter to him one way or the other.
“So?”
My reply seems to unbalance him, but he recovers quickly. “You’re looking at me like you want a replay of our first night. If you don’t stop, I’ll be watching you the same way and that’s something neither of us wants.”
A shiver runs the length of me, but I don’t try to hold it back. I might not get with him again, but I’m not usually one who holds back on what I feel physically. What’s the point? It’s who I am regardless of if I’m Bee, Leila, or Coral. I’ve fought hard to make sure I know that.
“Unfortunately, you’re right.” Leaning back in the chair, I cross my arms as Maddox looks at me. “What?”
“I didn’t think you’d admit it.”
“Why not? It’s true.”
“Just because something’s true doesn’t mean people are honest about it.”
I nod. He’s right about that. “There’s a lot of stuff we can’t change. A lot people keep in. I just…” I shrug. “There’s certain traits about me that are the way they are. Most of them I feel shitty about, so the ones I don’t… it seems ridiculous to hide those.” It’s too much to hide all the time.
Maddox’s eyes concentrate on me hard. There’s a tick in his jaw, but he doesn’t look angry. More curious and I don’t want him or anyone else trying to figure me out. Who knows if he’ll ask me anything or not. Mostly I don’t think so because it doesn’t fit with the quiet guy he is, but I’m also not risking it.
“That’s enough about that.” I push to my feet. “I’m getting antsy.”
Maddox gets up right behind me and walks out the door. What the fuck? Did I miss something here? It’s only a few seconds later that he comes back inside and I feel my body relax. Why I was so tense over him walking out, I don’t know and honestly I don’t like it.
Without a word, Maddox hands me a piece of paper. When I turn it over, I see it’s a flyer with the same picture on it as my sign outside the door.
“You made this?” I don’t know why it shocks me. Actually I do. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to do something like this.
“If I want to learn, we need business. It only makes sense.”
Ah, so there’s the why. “You did this freehand from memory?”
“It’s important.”
“I gave some out before I opened.” I don’t admit that his looks better.
“I’ll give some out at Lunar. My little sister is a waitress. She can maybe sneak and put them on cars at work or something. Laney and a couple of her friends go to the college. I’m sure they can hook us up with some people too.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to mention something about his little sister not really being “little.” They can’t be far apart in age, but then I remember I’m not supposed to know about her. And really, her age doesn’t matter. I’m only trying to distract myself from the fact that he put a lot of thought into this. Yeah it helps him, too, but it still means something to me.
“That’d be cool.”
“I’ll grab the rest of the flyers, then. We can each take some. I also thought it would help to have some specials. Did you do anything when you opened? I have a few ideas that—”
“Whoa.” He’s throwing so many ideas at me I’m getting dizzy. All I can think is he’s trying to take over. He doesn’t think I can do it. “You’re getting ahead of yourself. What’s all this ‘we’ stuff? Masquerade is mine, Scratch. I don’t need you telling me how to run it.”
Maddox steps back, emotions flashing through his eyes that I don’t understand. I cringe, guilt layering my annoyance.
“Keep the flyer,” he grits out before heading toward the door. It would be the smartest thing in the world for me to let him leave, but the paper in my hand makes the guilt burn brighter.
A voice in my head keeps telling me to apologize, but what comes out is, “You give up too easily.”
Maddox stops moving. “You treat people like shit too often.”
“True, but I have a feeling I’m not the only one here who does that.”
With those words he turns around and looks at me. He wants to argue with me. I can tell by the set of his jaw and the tension in his features. Hell, what am I doing here with this guy? We’re too much alike. I think he sees it too. There’s no way this can end well.
“I’m not trying to be a bitch. This place is important to me and I’m protective.”
He nods, understanding lightening his face.
“I also don’t apologize well.”
“I don’t need apologies. They don’t mean shit anyway.”
In that second I realize how different I am from so many girls, because those words are sexy. Brutal honestly is underrated and I can see that he has it, like I do. If I were a different kind of girl—the kind who believed in love—Maddox would be the guy I’d fall for. Though I guess if I really wasn’t me, he probably wouldn’t be what I’d want.
Maddox steps closer to me, close enough that I swear I smell a faint tint of tattoo ink mixed with the scent of man. He looks down at me, strength and anger rolling off him. Not like violent anger, but frustration at the world. Like he’s given up, but not in the way that he wants people to feel sorry for him. He’s real and doesn’t paint the universe as a happy place like so many people try to.
I suddenly want to touch him. To see if the two of us coming together like we did that first night can give the world a little more of the realness that it lacks.
Totally not a good idea and definitely not happening. I step away. “Why don’t we call it a day? I don’t think we’re going to get much business and you work tonight. There’s a lot of trouble we can get into if you stay. Trouble neither of us wants.”
“It pisses me off that I want you,” he says with all the honesty in the world.
“You do pissed off well, I think. And sexy too.”
As he’s backing toward the door, Maddox says, “Yeah… I’ll grab the flyers for you and then I’m gone.”
I’m breathing hard when I don’t want to be. A slow, tingly need building in my stomach. I almost ask him to stay. We could do that—enjoy each other with nothing attached to it, but if it becomes a habit, it could be a problem. It’s important I remember that, so instead of standing here, I go into the back until I hear him leave the flyers before going out front again.
Chapter Six ~Maddox~
The next day I’m sitting on my porch, trying to wake up with a cigarette in my hand. It was a long night at work with stupid-ass drunk people making fools of themselves. It gets tiring after a while. I’ve never been into shit like that. Don’t do drugs and rarely drink. My one vice is cigarettes. There’s something relaxing about the deep breaths in and forced breaths out. I think it was something I did to rebel when I was younger, and I haven’t stopped yet. They keep me busy, as fucked up as that sounds. Maybe I have an oral fixation or some shit like that.
The only good thing about last night was I got rid of all the flyers before Trevor or his brother Tyler could give me shit about passing them out at work. They’re twins even though they don’t look exactly alike—rich kids who somehow own a club at twenty-two. They basically leave me alone, which works for me.
Pushing the end of my half-smoked cigarette into the concrete, I put it out before stuffing it into the old coffee can. As I’m about to go inside, Laney and her boyfriend, Adrian, walk around the corner.
Even though I’m iffy about him, there’s a respect there too. He’s with my sister even though our dad killed his son. He never told her that I hunted him down after he split a few months before and took some of my anger out on him with my fists. It’s not as though he didn’t give it right back to me.
“Hey!” Laney smiles and gives me a quick hug.
I nod toward Adrian. “What’s up?”
He lifts his chin in greeting. Grabbing the door handle, I push it open and they follow me inside.
“Not too much. We’re going to see Ash, but I wanted to stop by and see how things are going with you first.” Laney sits on the couch and Adrian goes down right beside her.
For a second, I look at him. Watch for some flash of anger that I know he has to feel. Ash was his son. Our dad hit him and now they’re going to see him at his grave. For a brief second, Adrian closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before reaching over to grab my sister’s hand. Damned if he didn’t make me respect him a whole hell of a lot more. He loves her and doesn’t make her suffer for something she didn’t cause. That’s really all I ever wanted for her—not to lose out because of our parents.
“Not much,” I finally reply. “You could have called to ask that, though.”
“Yeah, but then it would be harder to pump you for information. This way you can’t hang up on her.” Adrian smirks. Fucker. Laney wouldn’t have brought it up like Adrian did.
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“Maddox. You’re learning to tattoo at a new shop. There’s a lot to tell. What’s she like? Is she good at what she does?”
My mind goes back to the pictures on Bee’s wall. To the artwork on her body, a lot of which she told me she drew herself. Yeah, she’s incredible. Way better than the guy I used to work with. “I wouldn’t be working with her if she wasn’t—Wait, how do you know it’s a woman?”
Laney tenses for a second, making me feel like shit that I don’t tell her anything that’s going on in my life, before she jokingly says, “Adrian’s psychic, remember?”
He taps the side of his head and I roll my eyes. I guess it was some long-standing joke around Brenton that Adrian was physic. I don’t know how it started, but he likes to play it up when the situation fits him. “You guys are funny.”
“It’s going around town. You know how those things work, Maddy. Everyone’s talking about her.”
“Then everyone needs to take their ass to the shop and get a tattoo.”
“Are things going good with you guys? I mean, do you work well with her?”
The last thing I want to do is talk to Laney about Bee. “Everything’s fine. How are your classes going?”
“Good. They just started. Way to change the subject.” The little flash of hurt in her eyes spreads through me. I wish I could be a better brother to her.
“What about everything else? You’re dealing okay? Mom hasn’t given you shit or anything?” Laney has always been a little sensitive. She’s nice and she expects everyone else to be too. She’s the kind who always looks on the bright side of things, but it means she gets hurt easily too. A little before the summer, she cut off contact with our mom. She needed to because for four years Laney tried to take care of Mom, but she just treated Laney like shit. I always worry my sister will let her back in.
“She’s good.” Adrian puts his arm around her. “I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. I take care of her.”
“We take care of each other,” she whispers back at him, and he nods in agreement. It’s true too.
Suddenly I get this sort of ache in my gut and I want to be out on my bike or working in the shop. Anything but being here. She’s happy and I’m fucking glad, but it makes the emptiness I usually welcome inside me threaten to pull me under.
We all could have been happy, until everything got too screwed up. Instead she had to fight for it and live through hell to be where she is. That’s the one thing I want to fix more than anything else.
“You look sad, Maddy.” Laney stands up, but I shake my head and she doesn’t come closer. She’s a toucher. She wants to hug and be affectionate, but all those things do is remind me of how I failed. They’re emotional when I try not to focus on emotions. It’s easier to shut down.
“You guys caught me right before I was going to get in the shower. I have to head to the shop soon.”
The sad look she gives me tells me she knows it’s an excuse. Yeah, I’m supposed to go to Masquerade. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t let them stay. Adrian stands, shaking his head before taking her hand. “Come on, Little Ghost. We need to get going.”
She waves good-bye before Adrian leads her out. I take a step toward the door, guilt mixing with my blood and running through my veins, but there’s really no point in going after her. I still don’t want to open up and pretend the world is going to become a better place because I share my feelings.
Annoyed at myself, I grab my phone the second it rings. “Yeah.”
“Maddox. I’m so glad you answered!” When Mom’s voice comes through the phone, I wish like hell I would’ve checked to see who was calling first.
“Please. Don’t hang up.”
She sounds so nice. Like the perfect, happy mom we all used to think she was, the one she maybe used to be. But the older Laney got, the worse she treated her. What kind of parent is jealous of their own child? She blamed Laney for Dad—because he gave her attention. Somehow it was Laney’s fault when he started gambling and sleeping around too.
It was also Laney’s fault that she didn’t walk away as Mom lay bleeding on the floor. She called 911 and held her and cried for her mother, while Mom blamed Laney for letting her live.
She wouldn’t have cared if I did the same thing, and she doesn’t know that I could have been the one to stop it all. I didn’t tell her that I knew what Dad was doing and to this day I’m too big a pussy to admit it to her.
Even though she’s cared more about herself than anyone since Dad went to prison and even though she treats my sister like shit, I owe her because I kept my mouth shut about what Dad was doing. If I hadn’t, things might not have gotten as bad as they did.
“How are you?” The words burn my tongue. They’re a betrayal to Laney even though she would never see it like that, but it’s an apology to Mom for being weak too.
“How do you think I am? My husband is in jail, my son won’t speak to me, and they’re making me see a shrink.”
Nowhere in there does she say a word about Laney. I have to fight to bite my tongue and not mention it. “You’ve tried to kill yourself multiple times in four and a half years. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk to someone.”
“Do you?”
I sigh, wondering why I didn’t see that coming. “I’m not suicidal. And I didn’t hurt my family.”
“Don’t do that, Maddox. I’m not the one who hurt our family. Your father did. He’s the one who cheated on me and ruined our family.”
What about the fact that he killed a kid? Hurt Laney and I? None of that comes out of her mouth.
“We could have been a family without him.” Or hell, maybe Laney was right and we don’t deserve it because someone died. A little fucking kid.
I hear the tears in her voice before she starts to speak. It always happens this way. “Are you saying it’s my fault? I was a victim here too. It’s not that easy to turn it off.”
No shit. I wish it was. “You think I don’t know that? That I don’t live with this shit every day? That Laney doesn’t? She has to look at Adrian and know what our family took from him!”
“Blah, blah, blah, blah! It always comes back to her, doesn’t it? What kind of hold does she have on the men in this family? What did she do to you, Maddox? Why do you love her more than your own mother? That’s what she wants. You know that, don’t—”
Her words are cut off when I end the call. I should have fucking known it would end up like that. It always does.
My hands are shaking. My heart racing. I’m supposed to be at Masquerade in an hour, but I can’t go in like this. Not when I’m raw and open, when I know in my head that I just need to get the fuck over it.
But damn do I want to be there. I think I might need it.
My shower is quick. My thoughts turned off like it’s so easy for me to do. Stoic, unemotional. People like my sister don’t get it, but closing myself off is how I make it through.
Still, I find myself driving to Masquerade, when my brain is telling me not to. When I know how shitty I am to be around when I’m in a mood like this. Pretty soon she’s not going to take my shit and she’ll call this whole thing off. It’s only been a week and we’ve already gotten into it more than once.
Maybe she should kick me out. What the hell am I doing here anyway?
It doesn’t stop me from wanting it. From getting off my bike and walking to the door. I’m surprised to see the CLOSED sign is up. Glancing at my cell, I see it’s almost two, the time she said I should come in. I start to dial her number, but something makes me try the door instead.
I squint when the door easily opens. She’s a smart girl. She pays attention and doesn’t let people get the drop on her. I didn’t expect Bee to leave the shop unlocked with the CLOSED sign up and the lights turned off inside.
“Bee?” I call out.
Her answer is immediate, but her voice softer, sadder than I’ve ever heard it. “Not in the mood, Scratch. Come back tomorrow.”
This is where I walk out. I want to. I’m used to it. Has there ever been a time in my life when I didn’t walk away? Instead I go off instinct and flick the lock. If we’re going to be in the back, I don’t want anyone getting in.
My muscles are tight and my brain is telling me I’m being a fucking idiot the whole time I walk down the hall, toward her office in the back.
Bee’s sitting on a black couch wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt with slits in the sleeves. For the first time, she’s not wearing makeup. It doesn’t make her any less gorgeous, maybe younger and a little more innocent.
The light in the room flashes off the small diamond in her nose.
I’ve never been back here before. Boxes are everywhere. Next to her sits her cell phone.
“I said not today. I’m in a shitty mood.”
Her eyes are red and puffy like she’s been crying. For some reason, I can’t stop looking at them. Tears seem like such a foreign thing. They would be from me and they seem like they should be from her too. Mom always cried a lot. Laney too. I never wanted to deal with a woman’s tears. Still, I don’t turn around and leave. “That makes two of us. All the more reason we both need the distraction of Masquerade.”
She picks up her phone, turning it over and over in her hand.
“Distractions aren’t always a good thing. You have to face your life head-on and keep moving. No matter how confused you are or how much something hurts, you keep going.”
I haven’t known her long, but those aren’t her words. “Whoever said that doesn’t know shit. They haven’t been through anything.”
She sighs and looks up at me. “But she has. My family has been through worse things than I have, because they didn’t know what happened. They deal with it better than I do.”
“What happened?” I squeeze the doorknob, shocked and pissed the question came out.
“Nothing.”
“I hung up on my mom not an hour ago. She was wrong, but me even more so. Not because of that. For… things I won’t tell you. Stuff I probably never will.” The words sound harsh but somehow I know she’ll understand them.
For the first time, real, honest sadness shows on her face—in her eyes. Not because of me, but for whatever she’s dealing with. “And I’ll never ask. You’re lucky your mom is wrong sometimes. Mine never is. She’s perfect and loving and understanding, even though she doesn’t get me.”
She bites her bottom lip, looking unsure.
“And you’re not perfect. Neither am I. I’ll never give you shit for that. I get it.”
This time, I can’t read the look she gives me, but I don’t have long to try. Bee pushes to her feet, slowly walking over to me. I notice the swells of her breasts from the V-neck of her shirt and her slender hips. Her purposeful steps and sexy lips.
Fuck, do I want her.
Bee stops right in front of me, the heat of lust and need rolling off her. I don’t question what she wants, just pull the neck of her shirt down and press my mouth to the star on one shoulder, then the other before tracing it with my tongue.
“I guess that means you’re okay with this?” Her voice is breathless as she drops her head back.
“I shouldn’t be, but I am so fucking okay with this.”
