Текст книги "Masquerade"

Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn

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Deleted Scene from Chapter 7: Bee’s phone call with her mom: This scene takes place when Maddox comes to Masquerade and finds Bee upset. It’s the phone call that happened while he was gone which leads to them making love again.

Looking down at my sketch, I can’t help but smile. It’s good. Damn good. I’m confident in my abilities but it’s not often I think something like that. I don’t even know what it’s for—if I’ll ever use it for anything—but I love it.

I’m still smiling when my phone rings. After tucking the drawing away, I answer with a, “Hello.”

“Leila. Hi. I didn’t expect you to answer.”

Without even meaning to, she just dealt me two blows in one shot. Bee… My name is Bee. Which of course I can’t say because technically it’s not. After all this time, I should be able to be Leila by now. The fact that I can’t feels like a spoon, digging out the happiness I felt while drawing.

And the second blow is knowing that I’m such a crappy daughter she didn’t expect me to answer. Yet, she’s such a good mom that she still calls.

“Sorry.” This is always how it goes with us. I don’t know if she knows it or if I’m crazy for feeling it. When I talk to her, I automatically feel like I’m doing something wrong. “I’ve been busy.”

“How are things going at Masquerade?” she asks.

“Okay, I guess. Could be better but it takes a while to get off the ground.”

Mom sighs. “I know you don’t want to hear this but it would be irresponsible not to talk about it. I know you want this, but just remember Masquerade might not work out. Odds are it won’t. It’s important to have something to fall back on.”

Would it be too much for her to have some faith in me? If it were my sister, she would.

“Why did you help me if you don’t believe in me?”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry if it came off like that.” Mom sighs. “Let’s not do this. I called with good news! Your sister’s boyfriend proposed! I wasn’t surprised when she told me. He’s such a sweet boy. They’ll finish school first, of course. They both know it’s the most important thing.” It’s not fair but all I hear is that that’s why Masquerade will fail. I didn’t do the right thing—the important thing. I never do. You’d think by now I would be used to it but damn, there’s part of me that wishes for once I wasn’t different. That I could have still been the perfect Coral for Rex and Melody and then been the perfect Leila for my real parents too.

Mom keeps going after that. She tells me my sister is on her way to making top of the class and how proud they are of her.

She wants to be a lawyer and I’m a tattoo artist. Only a slight difference there.

The longer she talks, the emptier I feel inside. Then the angrier I get because this is me and I want to be—no, I am—proud of who I am.

The more she talks, the harder it becomes until I can’t stop myself from saying I have to go.

Mom sighs. “Okay, sweetie. It was good talking to you. I hope… I hope you’ll answer the next time I call. The wedding isn’t for a while but there are so many plans to make! I know it’s not your thing but it would mean a lot to have you involved.”

I never said it wasn’t my thing. She’s my sister; of course I’ll help.

Even though I don’t know if she means it like that, it hits me as another way I’ve failed.

I hate the tears that pool in my eyes.

“I will.”

“It’s important.”

“I said I will.”

“I know… I’m sorry. You’re right.”

But I’m not. She’s much better than me for being the type to apologize to smooth things over.

When we get off the phone, Masquerade isn’t the place where I just felt happy. It’s something to hold me over until I discover my real career. It’s not important.

It makes me nauseous to think like that. The place is empty. No clients.

Odds are it will fail.

Hitting the lights, I disappear into my office.

Deleted Scene from Chapter 29: Maddox and Bee reconnect after he finds Bee at the home where she lived with her kidnappers, and they talk. They head to a motel before going to Virginia.

Bee’s arms and legs wrap around the back of me as though she physically can’t let go. It’s not tight enough and I have a feeling it isn’t for her either. I need her close, need inside her in every way I can be.

Still, I wait, motorcycle revving beneath us as she looks at the house she’d lived in with people she thought were her parents—people she loved.

I’ll stay as long as it takes for her to say good-bye.

When her hand wanders down and squeezes my leg, I know she’s telling me she’s ready. We take off down the street and even though the ride is freeing, it’s not all we need. Right now I really fucking need her.

The first hotel I come to, I pull my motorcycle in. She doesn’t question anything, just lets go of me and gets off the bike. We need to get back to Virginia; we both know that. It doesn’t make us need tonight any less.

We pull our helmets off and Bee reaches for my hand. I thread my fingers through hers as we head into the office. Less than five minutes later we’re in our room. It’s nicer than the one we had our first night together. I’m grateful for that. She’s not the type of girl to care about shit like that but I still want nice things for her.

Tossing my helmet to the chair, I say, “Come here, baby. I want you and don’t think I can wait.”

She grins and gives me a wink. Holy shit I love this woman.

She gets rid of her helmet, too, before wrapping her arms around my neck. My mouth comes down on her, starving for her taste. Matching my intensity, she kisses me back. I cup her thigh and she lifts her leg, so I pull her up as she wraps herself around me.

“Don’t think I can go slow,” I tell her.

Bee drops her head back so I can kiss her neck. “Don’t think I asked you to.”

That’s all I need and then I’m leaning her down on the bed. Her legs still around me as I lie on top of her. “I need these clothes gone.” I slide her shirt up and she lifts enough for me to pull it off. As I work the clasp on her bra, she’s already unbuttoning her jeans.

I move away just far enough to take my shirt off and then it’s my hands tugging at her pants, pulling them down her legs. They fall out of my hands and I look at her. Let my eyes wander over this girl who is mine. The only woman I’ve ever really wanted.

“You are so beautiful.”

I swear a slight pink colors her cheeks. I like that I can make this tough girl blush.

“I can’t believe you’re making me shy, Scratch.”

“You don’t ever have to be shy with me.” Then I’m taking a condom out of my wallet and getting rid of my pants. Bee moves up in the bed so she’s lying with her head on the pillows.

Her eyes study me as I climb onto the bed. “You’re not so bad yourself.” She pauses and then adds, “You’re beautiful too.”

“Sexy,” I say before I cover her mouth with mine. Our tongues tangle, work together to pleasure each other, and then I’m letting my mouth trail down her neck. I lick that hollow spot at the base of her throat, before I keep going down. Her nipple is right there and I can’t help but taste it.

Bee cries out, arches forward as my mouth teases one breast and then the other. Her nails dig into my back. As much as I want this to last forever, my body burns to be inside her.

“Want you. Now,” I mumble against her.

“Then take me.”

I moan because, Christ, how fucking hot is she?

With my teeth, I rip open the condom wrapper before sliding it down my length. I tease her swollen flesh with my finger, feeling how ready she is for me.

Slowly, I push inside and it’s everything it always was to be inside her and even more. It’s where I belong.

My thrusts are fast and hard. Her nails bite deeper into me, making me need to be deeper inside her.

“Oh, God,” she gasps. It’s sexy as hell, the breathlessness in her voice.

“You feel so good.”

Leaning forward, I kiss her again. Take her mouth the same way I’m taking her body. I’m already close, so fucking close to losing it that I know I need to hurry up and get her there too.

Again, I let my tongue tease her nipples as I pump inside her.

“Maddox… holy shit… I’m…”

And then she does. Her body spasms around me and it’s all I need to fall over the ledge with her.

Rolling to the side, I toss the condom in the trash can before I pull her into my arms. She comes easily. There will be no walking away anymore. No pretending this isn’t what it is. No walls up when we really want to hold each other.

“That was incredible.” Bee buries her face in my neck.

“You’re incredible.”

She turns a hand through my hair, tightening her grip there. “I love you.”

Pride swells inside me—that she feels that way about me. That I’m worth it.

“I love you, too, baby.”

Deleted Scene from Chapter 29: Maddox and Laney talk. This scene takes place after Maddox and Bee leave Kansas to go back to Virginia.

“Hey.” I close the hotel door behind me. Bee and I just got back from Kansas today. Laney planned a small service for our mom this afternoon for me, her, Bee, and Adrian.

“Hi.” She’s sitting on the edge of the bed but scoots over, which is my sign to sit next to her, which I do.

“Listen, I’m sorry you had to do this on your own. I know it sucks that I wasn’t here but I had to go.” I shrug my shoulder. “I need her.”

“You know I wanted you to go. It’s the first thing you’ve done for yourself since I can remember. I’m glad it worked out. I’m glad you have her and I’m trying really hard not to say I told you so right now.”

Her response makes me chuckle. “You’d deserve to say it. I’ve known for a long time she meant a lot to me. It was a lot easier to be an asshole than admit it, though.”

“Eh, you were good at being an asshole. Gotta go with what works, right?”

I nudge her. “Smart-ass.” We’re both stalling and we both know it. The truth is, I know there are things I need to say but that doesn’t make saying the words any easier. People can’t change overnight no matter how much we might want to.

Finally it’s Laney who opens the discussion. “Why didn’t you tell me, Maddy? All that time you were dealing with that misplaced guilt. You should have told me you blamed yourself for that day.”

I sigh. “There are a lot of things I should have done over the years. There’s no excuse for why I didn’t and… fuck, I don’t even want to try to come up with one. Nothing’s going to change it. I think we’ve all spent too much time living in the past. It’s time to move forward.”

“I agree. That’s what I’m trying to do.”

“Me too.” Glancing over, I see her hand sitting on her leg. Reaching over, I grab it. Laney’s hold is loose at first as though she can’t believe my hand is really there and then she tightens her grip.

How fucked up is it that my own sister is shocked that I’m not tensing away from her? That I reached for her first? We’ve always been best friends and I always would have done anything for her but hell, I never even hugged her first. Those are the kinds of things she needs—to know someone is there for her and I was too big a prick to support her.

“I’m sorry for everything, Laney. You were always the best of all of us and all I did was give you shit about it. I know there’s nothing I can do to make up for it. All I can do is promise to try a whole hell of a lot harder now.”

With her other hand, she wipes a tear from her face. “There’s nothing to make up for. We were all hurt and none of us knew how to deal with it… but we’re better now. And no matter what, you’ve always been there for me. I always knew I could count on you.”

Giving her hand a squeeze, I say, “You couldn’t always count on me. You’ll be able to now, though. No more trying to protect you. Hell, little sister, I might be coming to you for help now. I have no idea how to do this relationship thing.”

Laney laughs. “You’ll be great. You love her. That’s what matters.”

“I do.” I pause for a minute before continuing. “How’s Adrian? I dropped a fucking bomb in his lap. He has every right to hate me.”

“But you know he doesn’t.”

Nope. Not him. He’s too good a guy for that. “I know. He’s dealing okay?”

She sighs. “It didn’t change anything, Maddy. There’s no way you could have known what would happen any more than Adrian could. And you couldn’t have stopped it either. He still misses Ash just like he always has but… he wants to move forward too. Like we said, we’ve all spent too much time living in the past.”

“Good.” I nod. “Bee too. She’s had a hard time. After we say good-bye to Mom, I’m going home with her. I don’t know how long it’ll take—”

“What about your job?”

“She’s more important. She needs to see her family, to talk about stuff she held in too long just like I did. As long as she wants me there, that’s where I’ll be.”

Laney gets this huge-ass smile on her face. “You will have no problems being a good boyfriend to her, Maddy.”

I roll my eyes even though I think it’s honorable the way she looks at the world. The way she’s positive and looks for the good. Everyone would be a lot better off if more of us were like my sister.

“It’s getting close. We should probably go.”

I stand and then she does the same thing. On reflex, I grab her and pull her into my arms—hugging her in a way I should have done a long time ago. “I love you, little sister.”

“I love you, too, Maddy.”

I take her hand and we go out to meet Bee and Adrian—go to say good-bye to our mom, with the two people we love by our sides.

About the Author

From a very young age, Nyrae Dawn dreamed of growing up and writing stories. It always felt as if publication were out of her grasp—one of those things that could never happen, so she put her dream on hold.

Nyrae worked in a hospital emergency room and soon fell in love and married one of her best friends from high school. In 2004, Nyrae, her husband, and their new baby girl made a move from Oregon to Southern California and that’s when everything changed. As a stay-at-home mom for the first time, her passion for writing flared to life again.

She hasn’t stopped writing since.

Nyrae has a love of character-driven stories and emotional journeys. She feels honored to be able to explore those things on a daily basis and get to call it work.

With two incredible daughters, an awesome husband, and her days spent writing what she loves, Nyrae considers herself the luckiest girl in the world. She still resides in sunny Southern California, where she loves spending time with her family and sneaking away to the bookstore with her laptop.

Please see the next page for a preview of Façade.

Chapter One ~Adrian~

I didn’t sleep for shit last night. Not that I ever really sleep that well, but last night was particularly bad. About 1:00 a.m., I was sick to death of all the drunk, high, loud-ass people in my house. Jesus, I wanted them gone. Wanted quiet, normal, but instead I’d smoked another bowl, lied, and said I was going to bed before locking myself in my room.

The party went on without me because that’s what people do. It’s not that they really need me to have fun. I just have the house, shitty as it is, and everyone thinks I’m always down to have a good time. Scratch that. I am always down to have a good time. One look at me shows I’m stoned half the time. Weed? It clouds out the past. Parties drown out the stuff in my head I don’t want to hear. But last night of all nights? I deserved to hear that shit, since I’m the one who caused it. So that’s what I did. All night. Got blazed out of my head but kept myself awake so I could think about today.

Around six this morning, I jumped in my car like I have every January 12 for the past four years and drove my ass here. Rockville, Virginia. Home sweet fucking home, except I hate this place with a burning passion. When you spend your childhood getting beat by your dad, all you want to do is escape where you came from. I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t have to, but after everything, I figure it’s the least I can do.

Not that my sister, Angel, will ever know I came.

After all this time, I wonder if she’d want me here. If I were her, I wouldn’t.

Shaking my thermos, I realize I don’t have any more coffee. I toss it onto the passenger side floor and lean back in the seat. Four hours is a long-ass time to sit in my car, but I don’t want to risk getting out and her seeing me. Probably a good thing I ran out of coffee; otherwise I’d have to piss again.

Looking across the street, I see all the headstones. Most of them are laid flat, so I can’t see them from a distance, but I still know exactly which one belongs to Ashton. It’s under the big tree. He would have liked that. I bet he would have wanted me to lift him up and put him in that tree if he’d ever had the chance to see it. He thought it was cool to ride on my shoulders. I’d carry him all around the house and he’d laugh like it was fucking Disneyland or something.

Pain grabs hold of me, threatens to pull me under, and for the millionth time I wonder why I don’t let it. It would be so much easier than walking around in the masks I do now.

“Fuck.” I drop my head back. Run a hand through my dark hair. Feel my pocket for the pipe there and wish like hell I could light up. Seems kind of wrong to smoke weed at a cemetery, especially under the circumstances.

I hate the drugs anyway. You wouldn’t know it, though. No one does. Adrian’s always down to smoke. Adrian’s always good for it. That’s what everyone thinks, but really I just want to be swept away. To ride a tide or the wind or whatever the fuck will take me far from here. Weed is the only thing I can find. Sometimes it works; most of the time it doesn’t.

I’m itching to shove the key into the ignition, to push down on the gas pedal and get the hell out of here. Not that I ever went real far. I only live four hours away in Brenton because I couldn’t make myself leave the state. But I can’t live in Rockville anymore. I don’t want to see this. Don’t want to be here. I wish I could wake up and find out this has all been some fucked-up nightmare. Even if it meant going back in time before Ash and having to deal with shit from my parents.

Leaning forward, I push the useless thermos out of the way and reach for The Count of Monte Cristo, which is shoved under the seat. The cover’s all old and ripped. The spine’s cracked so much from how many times I’ve read it. It’ll probably fall apart any day now.

The thing is, I’ve always respected Edmond. He went through hell and back but fought despite it. He didn’t fold. He pushed through and worked his ass off to become so much more than he was. He was strong. Not me. I just can’t seem to make myself overcome the past.

There’s nothing to do but deal with it. And maybe lose myself behind a cloud of smoke or a girl.

I need to turn off my thoughts.

Even though I can’t stand hats, I grab the one from beside me, push it low on my head, open my book, and read. Maybe Edmond can help me clear my head.

* * *

Hours later, when I see my sister, Angel, walk over to Ash’s grave, I don’t get out of the car. When some guy walks up and grabs her hand, I don’t know who he is and yet, I don’t bother finding out. They hug and I don’t walk over and do the same thing to her. It’s not our thing to stand around having some group mourning session over the two-year-old boy who died too soon.

Nope. This is real life. Not like all the stupid fucking books I read or the movies people watch or the reality shows that couldn’t be farther away from reality.

Without moving an inch, I watch her. Watch as she sets flowers on Ashton’s grave. As the guy pulls her into a hug. As they kneel on the ground, probably talking to him in a way I’ll never have the balls to do.

The guy says something to her and then gets up and walks away. I duck lower in my seat, but no one is paying attention to me. He heads back to a little car and waits.

Angel’s hands go to her face and I know she’s crying in them. Know she’s mourning the loss of Ash, the boy she loved so much. The boy she took care of better than any mom could. I know she sent the guy away because she’s like me and needs to handle shit on her own. Only unlike me, she’ll never run.

She cries out there for probably thirty minutes. The whole time my chest is tight. Aching. It’s hard to breathe and I want to turn away, but I don’t. I deserve to feel this way and deserve to see this.

A fist squeezes tighter and tighter around my heart. My face is wet, but I don’t bother to wipe away the tears, either. Real men don’t fucking cry. That’s what Dad always said before he hit me in a series of body shots, until I couldn’t stop myself from doing just what he said I shouldn’t do.

Then he’d beat me harder for being weak.

Angel’s shoulders are shaking. I can tell from this far away.

I’m not an idiot. Never have been. I know it wouldn’t make me weak to walk over there and hug her. To hold her and tell her it’ll be okay, but I still won’t do it. What right do I have to try and console her when I’m the one who destroyed everything?

When I’m the one who let Ash die?

So I sit here and watch her, just so I’ll never forget the pain I caused.