Текст книги "Measuring Up"

Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn

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“It’s the only thing to do, and I have to do something, ya know? He’s my brother—my family.” Tegan picks his cuticle like he’s almost nervous. I’ve never seen

him nervous before. “It’s my job to take care of him, both of them, but him especially. When I get my degree, I’m going to do whatever it takes to help him walk

again.”

Something inside me almost…shifts. It’s like my eyes have been pried open and I see him. I’m really seeing him for the first time. Not the gorgeous boy, the flirty boy, the one who has girls checking him out left and right at the gym. Not the guy who refuses help or gets edgy when it comes to his brother or his condition. No, I’m seeing the guy who didn’t flinch when he saw my weight. Who boxed with me and laughed when I hit him. The guy who would do anything to help people. People

like me or people like Tim.

The scary part? The one that makes me want to turn around and jog my big butt to my car and never look back is I realize how much I really like what I see. And

that can’t be good for me. “Degree?” My voice cracks.

“Physical therapist. College soon. I’m bored of talking about me though. Tell me something about the determined boxing queen that I don’t know.”

I struggle not to trip. “Ummm. There’s not much to tell.”

“What? Girls love to talk about themselves, don’t they? I’m giving you the prime opportunity.” He nudges me again. “I’m good at this, huh?”

Laughter falls out of my mouth. “No, actually, I think you need to be seen by a doctor because there’s something wrong with you. Didn’t you just tell me the other day you don’t understand girls?”

“Damn, I forgot all that honestly from earlier. Now it’s screwin’ with my game.”

My feet glue to the concrete, keeping me from moving. Tegan stops too, giving me one of his confused looks, his eyes searching me, trying to see everything

inside me.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” He pushes at that same wayward lock of hair that always falls down in his face.

“The hot stuff at the gym. Say things are messing with your game.” As soon as the words come out I pray for the ability to snatch them back, but inside they

repeat in my head. Could I say anything lamer? But the fact is, I really need to know.

“I don’t know… It’s called flirting, I guess. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s when a girl or a guy—”

His words give me a rush stronger than our jog just did. My skin burns with heat. Tegan just admitted to flirting with me! “You know what I mean.” Despite my

shock, I figure I need to push something out of my mouth.

“Actually I don’t.” He crosses his arms. Frustrated? It almost looks it.

“Tegan…”

Instead of a reply, he glances down at his watch. “I gotta bail. I have to be to work soon. We better head back.”

“Are you always working?”

“Eh,” he says, but I know the answer is really yes. How many times have I heard about extra shifts?

The walk back to his car is quiet. The drive to the gym, quieter. I hug my backpack, a little bummed that I didn’t need the clothes inside. When we get back to

Let’s Get Physical, he kills the engine. “So, back to our schedule? You’re not going to ditch me, right?”

His questions make me smile. I’m actually looking forward to it. “Nope, I’m not going anywhere. Sometimes it might take me a while, but when I decide I’m

doing something, I’m doing it.”

“I knew that about you. From the beginning I could tell.”

Tegan gets out of the car and grabs a gym bag, so I get out too.

“Good job today, Annabel Lee. See you soon.” He starts to walk away, but stops. “You’re different, you know that? And by the way, I like your eyes.” Tegan

winks and walks away while I struggle to hide the totally goofy grin plastered to my face. And as much as I’m really craving a celebratory milkshake or even a Berry Berry Blast smoothie, I head home instead.

Chapter Nine

W-DAY AKA WEIGH DAY

It’s been the same thing for a week since the incident at the pageant. Mom goes about her business like nothing happened and Dad, not even knowing what the

new tension is, tries to make it disappear. Strangely enough, my bright spots have been my workouts with Tegan. Which I guess either makes me lame or someone

who might kind of like exercising–at least with him.

My trainer-extraordinaire has been nothing but professional. No more declarations about my eyes, or saying he’s flirting with me. Sure, he still runs on the treadmill beside mine, he’s still flirtatious with all the girls so even if he was like that with me, it wouldn’t mean anything. Which kind of, sort of sucks and it shouldn’t.

So maybe it’s a good thing he’s being professional so my mind won’t play tricks on me.

We’re trainer and client and even though I’ve enjoyed our workouts, I’m totally not looking forward to today. There’s a heaviness in my chest that won’t go

away.

Tegan waits for me by the door as always, giving me the smile I’m starting to realize is the real one. Not the Ken smile or the fake one. The Tegan one.

Me, on the other hand, I frown. “How can you be happy on a day like this?”

“It’s not that bad, Annabel. You’re lucky. You even got to miss a weigh day since you bailed on me for a whole week.”

“It’s not that bad for you. For me, it’s torture. I used to weigh every day, and I haven’t touched a scale for weeks. Now I’m freaked out about getting on there and finding out I gained five pounds. Of being disappointed I didn’t lose anything. You have nothing to lose or gain here, no pun intended.”

We’re back in his little cubby and Tegan puts his hands on my shoulders. He’s started to touch me more like this over the last week. Professionally, of course, but still more than he did before. “Relax, Annabel Lee. If it’s too much for you, close your eyes and I won’t tell you.”

“Pfft, like that’s going to happen.”

He lowers his voice, looking at me with those eyes that seem to see too much. “Then listen to me. Whatever that scales says, you’ve rocked it this week. Be proud of that, because it’s what really matters. You’re here and you’re doing better every single day.”

Wow…he’s really good at his job.

I try to turn away, but he hooks a finger under my chin and holds my head in place. I can’t turn away, not only because he’s touching me and that warm, zapping

feeling is flowing from him to me, but because I’m wondering if he can feel any fat on my face.

“I do have something to lose or gain. I’m your trainer, but that’s not all. We’re… friends, right? I mean, I took a hit for you. Can’t sock me in the face and say we aren’t friends.”

It’s annoying how he does this to me, sidetracks me when I’m freaking out. I can’t help but smile, some of the heaviness lifting off me in the process. “Are you

ever going to stop reminding me of that?”

Tegan drops his hands and gives an easy shrug. “Not when it gets me what I want. You ready for this? I think you’re ready.”

“Do you always get your way?”

He looks at me like it’s a stupid question.

“Ugh, fine. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

All Tegan says is, “I knew it.”

***

“Come on. Show me, Rocky. You’re lagging and you know it. You did more repetitions than this last time.”

I slide my legs back into place, letting the weights clank extra hard as they snap down. It’s easy for him to say. All if this is easy for him. He’s not the one who worked his butt off only to realize said butt didn’t get any smaller. “My legs are burning.”

“That’s the point. It’s a good burn. That’s how you know you’re doing something.”

I look up at Tegan, trying to silently plead my case. I’m tired, frustrated, fat and done with this for the day, but by the way he crosses his arms, I can tell he won’t have any of it. “We have one more set to go, then we can move on. You knock the rest of these out, and I’ll let ya hit me again.”

Ugh. He’s so frustrating. I won’t let him work his evil ways on me and make me laugh again. “I don’t want to hit you. Well…maybe a little.” I hope he hears the

playfulness in my voice.

“Well, crap. That’s all I have, but we’re finishing anyway. Ten more.”

Ready to get this over with, I push the bar up with my legs ten more times. It’s not as bad as I made it sound. Yeah, I feel the burn, but for some reason, I like leg days the best. Tegan runs me through two more exercises. By the time we’re done, I don’t know what it is, but tears threaten to fall from my eyes. I don’t ask for much. I’m not looking for miracles, but I wanted something more than one freaking pound. “I gotta go.”

Weaving my way through all the machines and people I fight my tears. It’s stupid. I know it, but they’re standing there, begging to burst free anyway. Tegan’s

behind me. I’m not sure how I know it, but I do. Maybe I can somehow smell that mixture of soap and ocean he always carries or maybe I can feel his eyes on me as I waddle away, but whatever it is, I know he’s there.

Before I make it too far, I feel his hand on my arm, steering me into his cubicle. “Annabel—”

I hold up my hand. If he keeps going, I’ll cry. How mortifying would it be to break down in front of him? As always, Tegan’s there to push me, stopping me

when I try to leave again. “No, listen to me. You’ve kicked ass this week.”

“Yeah, one pound of ass. Actually, not even that. Three quarters of one.”

“And? Does that take away from everything you’ve done? Wipe away the hours you’ve spent here? The hard work? The sweat? Nope. It takes time.”

I feel my resolve splitting, the anger somehow diminishing, but leaving the sadness. How does he do that? “But it sucks… I wanted… God, I don’t know what I

expected.”

He sighs and I realize how close he’s standing to me. All lean muscles, soap, ocean, and…something that always seems to make me feel better. “You expected

what everyone does, which is like super results or something. It doesn’t happen that way and you don’t want it to happen that way. You’re doing everything right here. Well, almost everything.”

His words get under my skin. Not in a good or bad way, just in a Tegan way. “Oh perfect one, what am I doing wrong?” My sarcasm starts melting away the

sadness now. Or maybe that’s Tegan’s work too.

“You want this, right? Tell me you want it.”

“I want it. Hello? Isn’t that why I’m here?”

He takes a step closer and I nearly pass out. That’s the affect he has. “Always so sarcastic.” Again, closer. Is it possible for him to get any closer? I sort of want to find out. “You want it. You’re determined; those are all good, but now I need you to start believing.”

“I…” I what? My mouth is opening, trying to tell him I believe I can do this, but for some reason, the words won’t come out.

“I told you, I think people can do anything. I learned that from my bratty little brother. Now you need to start believing you can do it. Here,” he touches my

forehead and I shiver. Like seriously shiver. “And here.” He touches a hand over my heart. Now, my legs go weak and it has nothing to do with the hour workout I

just had. “I seriously think…I have to think that if you want something enough, if you find a way to make yourself believe it, it will happen. The question is, can you do that?”

I’m not sure I can do anything. Not right now, with the way his hand is on me. Embarrassingly enough, I don’t even trust myself to speak so instead, I nod my

head. Logically, I know he’s just trying to be supportive. That part of this comes from his brother, but can’t I just pretend it’s all about me? That he cares, that he wants to touch me as much as my body wants to be touched?

“You gotta have faith, Annabel. And remember, you’re building muscle, too. You’re not always going to see a huge drop. And I hate to say this, but like you

said, you haven’t weighed in a while. That week off could have set you back more than you realize.” His hand is still there. Mayday! His hand is still there and I don’t know what to do! Couple that with my need to believe he’s right. My want to really have faith that I can do this and I’m a mess right now. Up, down, backward,

forward, one pound, ten. I don’t know or care in this moment. It’s only one little touch, but I feel it everywhere. From the tips of my toes to the top of my head, I feel him.

Dropping his hand, he steps away. “See ya next time.”

As fast as my legs will carry me, without it looking like I’m running away, I do just that—run away. In the locker room, I wash up at mock speed or however that

saying goes. The whole time I’m slipping on my jeans and purple button-up shirt I’m wondering what the heck is going on. He touched me. Like, in a different way

than usual. Or maybe I’m imagining things, but it definitely felt different.

I slide some lip gloss over my lips, a little mascara and I’m done.

Without my direction, my eyes scan the gym for Tegan, but I don’t see him. When I step outside, he’s there in a pair of white shorts. They’re long like guys wear them, resting mid knee, and a black t-shirt. It must have taken me longer to get ready than I thought if he’s gotten off and changed in that amount of time.

Before he sees me, his mom’s van pulls up in front of him. The side door opens and Tim is sitting there. A second later his mom walks around the vehicle.

“Annabel! Hi!” She waves frantically at me.

Tegan whips around, gives me a quick nod of his head and then turns back to his brother. “What’s up, kid?” he playfully pushes Tim’s arm. “Oh, and hi to you

too Mom.”

I smile at them, but have yet to get a word in.

“Dude, I’m not five. Stop calling me kid,” Tim says. And when Tegan ruffles his hair, “You suck.”

“Alright, stop it you two.” Dana waves me over so I join them. I can’t keep my eyes off them and the way they interact together. I’ve seen Dana and Tim, but it’s even different adding Tegan to the mix.

“You suck,” Tegan throws back at his brother like he’s the one who’s five. This is going to sound stupid, but if I didn’t get the warm and tinglies from him before, I’m definitely getting a case of them now. No matter what, it’s obvious how much he loves his brother.

“I knew Timmy had his practice and I wanted to go.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal, but by the way his mom’s eyes are wide, I’m pretty sure it is a big deal.

“Wow… my responsibility straddled son took extra time off? It’s a miracle, but well deserved.” She looks at me and then back to him.

“Drop it, Mom.”

“My names, Tim. How many times do I have to tell you to call me, Tim?”

I’m getting whiplash trying to keep up with them and I love it.

And then, like she just realized she hadn’t and that it’s a rule she needs to, Dana gives me a quick hug. Her nails are short, unpolished and her cast is gone. Mom would never be caught dead with nails like hers.

“What time’s practice, Timmy?” Tegan asks. He still hasn’t acknowledged me. It makes me feel stupid for standing here.

“Tim,” his brother counters.

“No, I’m Tegan. You’re Timmy.”

“Ha ha. So funny.”

Again, they’re making me dizzy with all this back and forth, but I’m smiling. It’s so fun to watch.

“Focus boys. It’s in ten minutes, as if you didn’t know that. We’re going to be late if we don’t hurry.”

“Okay. We can come back for my car later.” Tegan gives me a quick smile. “See ya later, Annabel Lee.” Then he turns like he’s going to get in. Park Tegan is

gone and it’s distant Tegan. I don’t get it. Why he’s different with me around his family—unless…unless he’s embarrassed of me.

“Oh!” Dana jumps like she just had the best idea in the world. “Do you want to come with us, sweetie?” She looks at me. “I know Tim would love it. This kid

will look for any reason to show off. Cards, basketball.”

I open my mouth to say no, but Tegan beats me to it. “I’m sure she has better things to do than tag along with us.” Even though I planned to say no anyway, the

fact that he did it for me hurts.

“Come on, Annabel.” Tim adds. “Tegan’s too grumpy.”

“Am not.”

“Are so.” The two of them go at it again.

Finally I jump in. “Thanks a ton for asking, Tim, but I have a few errands to run. How about you keep track of how many baskets you make and tell me later? I

bet you get a bunch.” My voice is sad because I suddenly really want to go watch him.

Tim nods and then looks down like he’s disappointed. My eyes leave him and find Tegan’s which are pinned on me. It’s one of those moments where I feel like

he’s seeing more than I’m trying to show. Maybe even more than I know.

“Screw the errands. You should come,” the words rush out of his mouth like if he doesn’t get them out quickly, he’ll explode.

Now, I’m suffering a massive coronary. Does he want me to come or is he sacrificing something else for his brother? “I…”

Tim, Dana, they disappear behind an imaginary curtain. It’s only Tegan and I standing there.

Do you really want me to come? I try to make my look say.

A half-smile curls his lips and he kind of shrugs. Not a whatever shrug, but a I’m-at-a-loss shrug. I’m not sure either of us know what we want to do or why.

“Come on. You never know, you might have fun.” Tegan’s still staring at me.

“I…” How many times have I started a sentence with I and never made it past the word?

“Yes,” he says.

“Yes,” I confirm. What in the world is going on here?

Chapter Ten

164.9 TOTALLY HANGING OUT WITH TEGAN’S FAMILY

We all climb out of Dana’s van, Tegan going straight for the back to get the wheelchair. I’m a big ball of nerves as I step out of the car, still shocked that I’m even here with him. After he pulls the chair out, Tegan tries to help Timmy get out, but he pushes his hand away.

“I can do it.”

“I know.” Tegan steps back, holding the chair and letting his brother pull himself into it. It’s amazing to watch him. How well he can get around. His mom

reaches in and pulls out a basketball before closing up. It’s an old, rundown basketball court on the same side of town as the gym. Metal bleachers are next to it. There are other people in wheelchairs already on the court. Tegan holds out his hand, and Dana passes him the ball. He dribbles over to the court with Tim, as we walk to the bleachers.

A minute later, Tegan’s passing Tim the ball and joining us.

I can’t take my eyes off them. They’re all teenagers except for the coach who is in a wheelchair himself. They’re not playing a game or anything, but running

drills like they would at any other basketball game: shooting, passing, stuff like that.

“Pretty cool, huh?” I’m in the middle of Tegan and his mom, but I notice him much more.

“Yeah. It’s incredible.”

“They haven’t played games or anything yet. Ed, the coach, he does this on his own. It’s not a real league or anything, but he’s working on it, trying to find people for them to play.

I’m in awe. How did I not know this went on? I can’t take my eyes off Tim and the guys, passing the ball around and shooting. They’re good. Better than I could

ever hope to be. “I think this is probably the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” I’m envious. That they’re out there, no fear, and going for it. I could never do that. It’s inspiring.

I manage to tear my eyes from the court to look at Tegan. He’s studying me so intensely that I know he’s discovered something. Some deep, dark secret to me that

I never knew was there.

“We can thank Tegan for finding it for him. We never would have known about it otherwise.” Dana smiles at her son.

“You found this for Tim?” My insides turn into mush. Not the blubbery kind either. This is dangerous territory, but I’m feeling like a rebel. “That’s…sweet.”

He doesn’t reply, only turns to look at his brother again so I do the same. We don’t talk any more. Their practice only lasts about forty-five minutes and afterward everyone else packs up and takes off except for Tim. He waves his brother over.

“I’ll be right back.”

He traipses down the bleachers. A minute later he’s dribbling the ball around his brother. You can see the concentration on Tim’s face, waiting for the perfect

time. Then he strikes, stealing the ball from Tegan. He doesn’t dribble it, but holds it on his lap as he wheels toward the basket and shoots.

“Lucky shot!” Tegan harasses him.

It’s awesome to watch. He’s awesome. I can’t help but say it. “He’s amazing.”

It takes a minute before I realize I just called him amazing in front of his mom. She doesn’t flinch, tease or anything. She only smiles, lost in her boys the way I just got lost in Tegan. Well…maybe not the exact same way.

“He is, isn’t he?” She sounds almost sad. “He tries to do everything. Thinks he can hold up the whole world. He’s so smart, funny. God he used to love life. A

little troublemaker, but nothing bad. Now he’s like a fifty-year-old guy trapped in an eighteen-year-old body. Works like crazy. Even when he was still in high school.

Always packing money away for college, to help me, even though I won’t take it. Goes to every appointment of Tim’s that he can. I think he thinks he can try and

give his brother back everything we lost.”

The wall is completely down now. Any doubts I had about him, vanished, eaten up by his mom’s words. He’s more than amazing. Part of me hopes my silence

will fuel her to fill it. To give me more information on him, but then I feel guilty. I want whatever I know about Tegan to come from him.

Tim saves me. “Annabel. Come down and play. Tegan’s already wussing out on me!”

“Yeah right! I don’t even know how to dribble a basketball!” I call back, but stand anyway. Then I remember Dana was talking, but when I glance back, she’s

waving me toward them. Tim tosses me the ball when I get to them.

“Everyone can dribble. Just do it and see if I can get it from you.”

Tegan steps back, smirking at me, but I ignore him. This is for Tim. I start to bounce the ball and he wheels toward me. When he gets close enough, I pick it up to turn around.

“Hey! That’s cheating!”

“It is? Crap, sorry.”

“Yeah, you can’t move your feet with the ball in your hand. It’s traveling.”

I dribble again, concentrating on what I’m doing. Tim comes toward me again and I slowly jog away, still dribbling the ball. It doesn’t bounce off my foot or

anything. “Hey! I’m pretty good at this,” I laugh, but then he pokes his hand out and the ball slips away from me.

Maybe not…

“Okay, wait. I’m trying that again.” Determined this time, I dribble again. I head down the court, not too fast, but Tim is right next to me. When I get to the basket, I stop, unsure of what to do.”

“You’re supposed to shoot!” Tim is so close now and duh. How could I have not thought of that? I toss the ball up and hit bounces off the rim. Hard and flies

right back at me. I duck because balls flying at my head is so not my thing.

Tim busts up laughing. I can’t help it. I start too. I’m grabbing my stomach for cracking up so much. “Oh my God. I suck.”

“Totally,” Tim agrees.

“Hey! You’re not supposed to agree with me.” I playfully push his arm.

Tim yells toward his brother, “Did you see how bad she sucks, Teag?”

Tegan! I forgot he was there. He and his mom are standing outside the court watching us. Dana is smiling. Tegan’s eyes burn into me. Automatically I take a step

back, thinking I did something wrong, but then he shifts and I see something else.

Thanks. His look seems to say.

My pleasure. And it was.

***

It’s not often I watch TV downstairs. Well, it’s not really often I watch TV at all, but that’s beside the point. Em’s with her mom and I don’t feel like being cooped up in my room so I’m sitting downstairs using the TV for background noise while really, I’m mentally dissecting my life.

No matter how many ways or times I run it over in my head, I still can’t believe I hung out with Tegan and his family. I’m looking for a reason, in it. I need a

reason for it, but I can’t find one. Besides the obvious that they asked I mean. But why?

And Tegan. At first it seemed like he didn’t want me to go, but then he asked. I’m not an idiot. I’m pretty sure that only happened because it’s Tegan’s way of

giving his brother what he wanted, but still.

He asked.

And then he watched me. Watched me in a way he never had before. Unfortunately, I’m not as good at dissecting boys as I am myself so I have no clue what his

look meant, but God, I want it to mean something good.

My cell chirps, making me jump. It’s a text from Tegan. I know because I totally saved his number the last time he texted me.

Hey, Annabel Lee. What ya up 2?

I giggle. Giggle over a stupid, freaking text. Not much. Just hanging out. You?

On a break at work. Listen, just wanted to say thx for hanging out. For playin with Timmy. That was cool.

Some of the air seeps out of my balloon. Of course he only wanted to talk because of his brother.

No problem. Had fun. Tim’s awesome.

Don’t tel him that.

I don’t text again, because I’m not sure how to reply. There’s not really much else to say.

You stil there? Tegan texts a couple minutes later.

Yeah.

Gotta head back to work. Just wanted to say hi and… See you soon, Annabel Lee.

No matter what his reason for texting, I still can’t help but smile. See you soon.

Behind me, the front door slams. I turn to see Mom walk in. She heads straight to the kitchen. Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Maybe I just want to talk to

her. I’m not sure the reason, but I get up and follow her. “Hi. You’re home early.”

“I have some work to do, but all my notes are here. What are you doing?”

I shrug. “Not much. Did you get a new client or something?”

“No. It’s pageant stuff.”

Pageant stuff. Again, glutton for punishment? Riding a high from Tegan’s text? Whatever it is, it forces a lie to come out of my mouth. “I had fun helping the

other day… The pageant thing… it might be kind of fun.”

No, hell hasn’t frozen over and I don’t want to participate, but I want her to offer. I want it so bad that I would probably actually say yes if she did.

Mom shakes her head. “Oh, come on Annabel. You don’t have to pretend you like it. I know better.”

I know better too. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.