Текст книги "Measuring Up"

Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn

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“Paulette, you’re always doing this!”

“I’m only trying to help!”

“You’re perfect the way you are, Bell,” Em says from beside me.

Suddenly the food isn’t sitting so well in my stomach. That same anger from my boxing day is begging to burst free, until I can’t hold it back any longer. I shove myself up from the table. “Stop it! All of you, just stop it!” The room is dead silent as six eyes are on me. “I can’t do this. I don’t need you all arguing about me like everyone knows what’s best for me. Just…just back off. Right now I just need all of you to back off.”

Part of me feels bad for leaving Em, but I can’t stay. On my way out the door, I grab my keys and purse and I’m gone. With no clue where to go, I drive. Drive

and drive until I’m sitting at a stop sign by the middle school. There’s a track right behind it.

I jerk into the parking lot, park and head straight for the track. I’m not wearing the right shoes. I have on capris, but I don’t care. I don’t need Mom. I don’t need Tegan. I get out and run. My legs ache. My lungs burn, but I make myself jog the whole lap. It’s still freeing. Like each of my steps is healing me from my day. Like I’m healing me by doing something. When I make the whole loop I fall into the grass and die. Okay, not really, but I feel like it. But it feels good too. I just did something incredible.

CHAPTER SEVEN

A MOTHER’S HUG

I return Tegan’s smile when I walk into the gym. “What are we doing first?” Instead of waiting for him to reply, I keep walking through the gym. Luckily my

voice doesn’t sound as annoyed as I really am. I’m still hurt he no showed on me.

He steps up beside me. “Cardio, like always.”

This time it’s me who leads the way to the machines. I can do this. I can do this. I’m not even sure how many times I say the words, trying to make them true. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be to pretend I don’t care, that I expected more of him and he let me down.

It’s me who pushes the buttons to get my tread going today. I fall into a slow jog, without waiting to see what Tegan will do. Again, he climbs on his own

machine beside me. We jog in silence for ten minutes and forty-five seconds. Stupid timer.

“I know you’re mad. I planned on coming. Something just came up.”

Something came up? Something came up?! Boys suck. So I ignore him for two minutes and ten seconds. “Something came up? I know you stole my phone

number. You used my address, you could have used my number too.”

“I know.”

He knows? Now I’m even more annoyed. My legs speed up and I’m jogging faster. “Well, glad to hear you know. Too bad I wasn’t worthy of the call you knew

how to make.” Part of me knows I shouldn’t be making this big a deal of it. He owes me nothing, but I can’t help it. Somehow he made me expect something and

didn’t follow through.

“It was important.” His voice is soft, but firm.

“Oh? And what was so important. I waited for you Gym Boy.”

“Shit.” He steps off the treadmill. “I wanted to be there. We have work to make up for and…It was important,” he says again, but still not telling me where he

was. Somehow, I know he won’t.

We have work to make up for. Did I really expect the jog to have been about anything else? It still stings. “You know what? I don’t care. Let’s just finish our

workout.”

I step off the machine. Tegan walks away and I follow. We go through our routine. Abdominals, which let me tell you, is super embarrassing. Today’s an arm day

so he walks me through a bunch of arm exercises. He only talks to tell me how many repetitions to do or to urge me on. I only talk when I have to, which thankfully isn’t very often.

The whole time I can’t stop thinking about sitting in that car. His non-answer. The apology he never offers. Or the fact that somehow, I let myself believe he

actually wanted to spend time with me when really he only wanted to make up for a workout. Still, I keep searching for an answer, or hoping there is one.

“Good workout today.” Tegan crosses his arms and leans against the building. This is the first time he’s actually walked me out of the building.

“Thanks,” I mumble, pulling my keys out of my bag. Then I start to walk away.

“Hey,” he calls out to me and idiotically I stop. “I’m sorry.”

And then it hits me. I’m not sure why I realize it now, but I think I know why he didn’t come. Timidly, I turn. “You were with your brother, weren’t you? You

were helping out with something.” If it’s true, it doesn’t excuse why he didn’t call. It really doesn’t explain why he didn’t just tell me the truth, but it makes the not-showing-up part kind of okay.

Tegan’s eyes don’t tell me anything. They’re wide and staring straight at me. He hasn’t moved. I’m not even sure he’s breathing right now.

“It’s okay… I mean, if that’s the reason, it’s okay. I understand.”

Finally he moves, pushing away from the wall slightly. “Why? Because I’m the guy with the crippled brother? That excuses me for everything?” Tegan shakes his

head, his blond hair blowing gently in the slight breeze. “See you next time, Annabel Lee.” Turning around, he heads back for the building. I don’t know where the courage comes from, but when anger bursts to the surface, I let it out.

“You know what? It’s not okay! You’re right. Even if you were helping your brother it doesn’t give you the right to no call no show!”

He turns like my yelling surprises him. It surprises me too. I don’t wait for his reply though. I turn and walk away.

***

“Annabel, wake up. I need your help.” Mom’s voice first thing in the morning is never a good thing. Nothing would please me more than to roll over and pretend

I’m still sleeping, but then, that wouldn’t work with her would it? Maybe another mom, but not mine.

“Yeah?” I sit up and rub my eyes.

“We had a cancelation and I need your help with a few things to get ready for the pageant.”

It’s even worse than I thought. Is it possible for me to lie back down and play dead? “Isn’t there anyone else?”

“No there’s not. That’s why I’m here. It’s not as if I ask you for a lot, Annabel.”

No, not a lot at all. Just perfection. “Okay, I’ll be down in ten.” She closes the door and I get out of bed and get ready. The car ride is practically silent. I don’t know what I was thinking—riding with her like this. I wonder if she’s as nervous as I am. Me because I don’t want to see the beauty queens from my high school and her because she doesn’t want to see me next to the girls. It will only remind us both what we don’t have.

When we get there, I waste no time finding a quiet corner to paint. It’s a plain backdrop that I have to paint white. Not hard, but Mom has checked on me four

times in an hour. Not because she’s curious, but because she doubts me. While I paint, Elizabeth and her crew are too cool to bother with me.

Mom and Bridgette are working on a schedule of some sort. They didn’t offer me much information and I didn’t ask. When I finish the painting I move on to

whatever other odd jobs they need me to do. Pull lighting, more props, and chairs from the storage. I’ve probably sneezed a million times because of the dust. I wonder if anyone else here has allergies like I do?

Just like my workout with Tegan the other day, Mom only talks to me when she has to. It’s not to be mean either. I know that. This is her element. She’s ordering people around and planning something big. Something that will make everyone say, “Wow, look what Paulette Conway did.” I don’t fit into the equation.

And Elizabeth and crew? They just stay away from me. They’re too cool to want anything to do with me.

Finally, when I’ve done everything on Mom’s list, I hunt to find her, hoping we can leave. Following the hallway back stage, I head toward the offices, stopping

when I hear my name.

“What about Annabel? Would she be interested in taking Ella’s place? I’m sure the two of you could throw something together in time, Paulette.”

It’s a woman’s voice. I’m not sure who. I know it isn’t Bridgette. I’m sure she’d know better than to ask.

“No, pageants aren’t really Annabel’s thing. She’s made it clear she wouldn’t want to participate.”

I had? Holy moly. When did I start making things clear that I never knew about? I mean, I’d rather poke my own eyes out, but I never told her that.

Or maybe not, maybe if she’d ask, I’d surprise both of us and want to do it with her.

“You never know. We’re kind of in a bind here. Maybe you could ask her.”

Ask me… Don’t ask me… Ask me… Don’t ask me… I don’t want to participate, but I want her to want me to. Just this once.

“She has plans, Evelyn. It wouldn’t work out. She’s going to be out of town with her friend Emily that night.” She’s not going to ask me. My eyes start to sting.

“Darn. I’ll figure something out. Thanks for everything, Paulette.” Footsteps sound as I assume Evelyn walks away.

“Is she really going out of town?” Bridgette asks.

“Of course not. I can’t let her embarrass herself like that, Bridge. You know it would be a disaster.”

What I hear is, embarrass me like that. I squeeze my eyes shut, not allowing myself to cry and then I walk out. The second I get outside I remember I don’t have

my car with me. Nice. What am I supposed to do now?

Mine and Em’s favorite coffee shop is only a block away so I head there. Once I have a coffee—crap, water in me. Stupid diet. Hopefully water will do the trick

and help me relax. Then maybe I can call Em to see if she can pick me up. We haven’t seen each other in a few days.

One water bottle later, two familiar people come in. Tegan’s mom and brother. I freeze, like it will somehow make me disappear.

They order their drinks and then look around the busy shop. There are no empty tables. In fact, the only empty seats are the ones by me. My stomach feels like I

just had a triple shot and nothing to eat all day, but I wave at them. “Hi. I don’t know if you remember me, but I helped you guys at the gym the other day.”

Tegan’s mom smiles and as his brother wheels himself over. “Of course I remember you! That was so nice of you to help. I’m sorry I didn’t get to thank you that

day, but I turned around and you were gone.”

I give them a smile. “It was no big deal. I’m about to head out though. I just wanted to tell you guys you could have my table if you want it.”

“Sit. You’re not going anywhere, but we’ll join you.”

Automatically, my butt falls into the chair. It’s not in the way I would sit if Mom told me to, but in a way that I want to sit.

“We have a couple hours to kill while they work on the lift for the van. We could use a little company…”

“Annabel.” It’s an instant like. There’s something so friendly and welcoming about his mom.

“I’m Dana and this is Timmy.”

“Tim, Ma. I swear, you and Tegan treat me like I’m a baby.”

She ruffles his hair. “Aw, my little Timmy-wimmy-kins.” He shoves her hand away, cheeks red.

“Whatever.”

I feel warm inside watching them. “Nice to meet you.” I look at Tegan’s bother. “Nice to meet you too, Tim.”

He beams at me. “Do you play Gin Rummy? I kick Mom and Tegan’s butt. I need some real competition.”

Like his brother, he makes me laugh. They remind me of each other. The same brown eyes, blond hair and he has Tegan’s same smile. His real one, not the Ken

smile. “You’re on.”

We play four games. I’m not sure I ever laughed so hard in my life. Tim and his mom joke with each other, tease each other. They’re happy in a way mom has

never been with me. When she looks at him, you see how much she loves him. She sees more than his chair in a way Mom will never see more than my weight.

There are so many times they talk about Tegan where it would be so easy for me to ask about him. To try and find out which Tegan is real. I’m sure I can even

find out what they did the other day, but I don’t. None of it feels right.

A good two hours pass before Tegan’s mom’s cell phone rings and they let her know the van is ready. On autopilot I slump back in my chair. Not only do I not

want to go home, I haven’t called Em yet.

“Do you need a ride home?” Tim’s eyes are wide, excited when he asks.

The urge to say yes almost overpowers me. “I’m going to call my friend to pick me up. Thanks anyway.”

“Are you sure? Any girl who gives my brother a black eye is a friend of mine.”

My cheeks heat. “It was an accident! I swear I didn’t mean to hit him.” My eyes find Dana, but she’s only laughing.

“Don’t worry, sweetie. I’m sure he deserved it. Plus, he was pretty proud of that black eye.” She answers.

“Proud?”

“Yep. You made him proud. He couldn’t stop bragging about the girl who gave him a right hook.”

My breath catches. I don’t think she notices because suddenly she’s hugging me goodbye. I hug her back tightly, wondering what it would feel like for Mom to

give me hugs this strong.

“Thanks for hanging out with us.” She winks at me and then she and Tim are gone.

***

I’m lying in bed, my room dark. I’ve been trying to go to sleep for hours, but it’s just not happening. I roll to the left and think about Tegan, how he doesn’t like to talk about his brother. The family that obviously loves him and who, by the way they were talking, they’re all incredibly close.

About how his mom said he couldn’t stop talking about me, even though it was only about my punch.

Roll to the right and I think about her hug. How accepting she was to me, even though we hardly know each other. She hugged me the way Dad does.

On my back I think about Mom. How much I embarrass her. It kills me to embarrass her. I don’t understand why, when she doesn’t even care enough to have

thanked me for helping today. She asked why I disappeared, easily accepted my lie about Em and then went on and on about the pageant she wants me to have

nothing to do with.

When my phone vibrates on my bedside table, I jump. Rolling over I pick it up. It’s a text, but I don’t know the number.

Hey. It’s Tegan.

Why is he texting me? Why do my hands shake when I reply? Hey.

I’m sorry for being an ass.

It’s not okay. My bravery makes me smile.

I’m glad… meet me tomorrow? Same time, same place. I promise to show up this time.

Meet him? I don’t know if I can… I don’t know if I can’t. I want to know more about him and for some reason, I want him to know more about me too. How do I

know you’re not going to ditch me?

I’l be there. Scouts honor. The question is, wil you?

It takes me ten minutes to reply. Yes.

Chapter Eight

A JOGGING WE WILL GO

To my surprise, Tegan stands next to a beat up Honda Accord when I pull up in front of Let’s Get Physical, smoothie in hand. This time, I’m not early. Who cares

if I had to park around the corner and wait until I could drive up at the exact right time?

I pretend to fiddle with my bag to buy myself a minute. This time our jog is really going to happen and it freaks me out. Makes me realize a part of me was glad he didn’t show last time.

When I look up, Tegan is standing right by my window. He taps his wrist and I get out of the car. “What? We’re not jogging from here are we?” The thought of

people out for their morning coffee seeing my jigglies is not my idea of fun.

“No, get in. I’m driving.” He’s wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, his elusive tattoo still hiding from view.

I glance at my car and back at him. It’s not like I mind him driving, but like I said, this isn’t the best side of town so I’m a little nervous about leaving my car here.

“It’ll be okay, princess. Don’t worry about it. I already told Kim to keep an eye out for you, not that I need to.”

I bite my cheeks so I don’t smile. Reaching over, I grab my backpack and water bottle, lock up and walk over to his car. My backpack is strategically in front of me, which is lame. I can’t hide behind it and I’m not sure why I’m trying.

My pack follows me to my lap when I sit in the passenger side. I wrap my arms around it, holding it tight. A second later, Tegan’s behind the wheel.

“I’m not going to bite, ya know. You’d think you were the one who almost got knocked out with how freaked out you look over there.”

It happens automatically and I don’t realize I’ve playfully smacked his arm until I've already done it. “I didn’t almost knock you out. Stop making me feel bad.”

“Whatever you say, Rocky.” He looks at me and winks, exactly the way his mom did before pulling away.

We’re both quiet. So quiet I fear he might hear my stomach growl. I skipped breakfast this morning, a major no-no on Tegan’s list. I really don’t get that breakfast is the most important meal of the day crap. “Where are we going?” His tattooed arm is his left so even though I’m pretty sure his sleeve is high enough that I should be able to see it, I can’t because it faces his window.

“Right outside of town. There are some trails people jog on. It’s real secluded except for the joggers. If you keep going there’s a little park out there too. Not real big. Just some picnic tables and stuff. That cool?”

“Um, yeah. Secluded sounds good to me.”

Tegan turns his head a little, giving me a really wicked smile. “If you wanted to be alone with me, you just had to ask.”

“I-!” have no idea what to say… “You are so conceited!”

“I’m just giving you crap. You make it way too easy. I’m trapped in that gym most of my life and the other girls aren’t nearly as fun as you.”

My stomach starts to feel queasy and it has nothing to do with skipping out on breakfast. Today he’s the light, sarcastic Tegan. “I’m sure I make a much easier

mark than them.”

He squints his eyes, trying to figure out what I mean and then says, “Hey. That’s not what I meant, Annabel Lee. I meant… I guess I just meant I don’t have fun

with the rest of them. I need a little fun in my life.”

Butterflies chase away the nausea. Who knew butterflies could be so fierce? Right now, mine are, because I think he just admitted something that might not have

been too easy for him. I shrug and smile. “Thanks?” How stupid. I sound like I’m asking him. “I mean, thanks. Me, too.”

He laughs. “You don’t have to lie. I know you’re pissed at me half the time. Especially when I ask you somewhere and don’t show up…”

I don’t know what to say to that so I don’t say anything. We’re quiet the rest of the way. It doesn’t take long before Tegan’s pulling his car into an almost deserted lot. The grass behind it is a vivid green and well-trimmed. Little hills dance across the distance, nothing major, but they definitely add to the visual. Trees provide shade, but it’s not overbearing. I don’t feel like I’m Grisly Adams in the forest or anything. “How did I not know this place was here?”

We get out of the car. “It’s pretty much for joggers or bikers. I mean, everyone can come, but not many people do.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Yep. It’s one of my favorite places. We’ll see if you still like it after we’re done today.” Tegan winks at me, before grabbing something out of his trunk and

tossing it at me. Luckily I catch it.

“Geez, warn a girl. You could have poked my eye out.”

“As opposed to punching it?”

“Whatever.” I look at what he handed me. It’s some kind of breakfast bar. I raise my eyebrows at him. What is this guy, psychic or something?

“You need to eat to lose weight. Just make sure it’s healthy. Plus, you need energy before we head out.”

“How’d you…”

“I didn’t, but thanks for confirming my suspicion.”

This boy is too much! I feel all upside down and backward around him. But the surprising part is, I kind of enjoy it. Not that I’d ever admit it to him. “You suck.”

Before he can reply I turn so my back is to him and start eating the stupid bar. I hear a package open, telling me he’s eating one as well. Tegan offers to take my water bottle for me and before I know it, he’s leading me to a path to begin our run. My heart beats about a million miles an hour. My palms are already sweaty and I’m really starting to doubt my own sanity for coming out here with him.

As always, Tegan seems to know. He stops me when we get to the path. “Hey.” I turn to face him. He steps toward me and I don’t know why, but I gasp. He’s so

close the butterflies are back in my belly. Why is he so close? His arms reach toward me and I swear I feel like I might pass out and then he’s rubbing my arms up and down like my dad would before a pep talk or something. Boys have such an ability to screw with a girl’s head. What did I think he would do?

“Relax, Rocky. You’re going to knock this out just like you did me.”

Why does he insist on bringing this up?

“We’re going to take it slow. Jog a bit, walk, jog some more. No biggie. Got it?”

“Got it.” And then he’s not touching me anymore and jogging away. I ignore the rapid fire beat of my heart and join him. Neither of us talk as we make our way

down the path at a slow pace. I’m distinctly aware of him beside me, those soulful eyes of his looking forward. Speaking of forward, maybe I should be looking there too.

So I do. I face the front, trying to focus on nature around us when really all I’m paying attention to is the way our feet pound against the ground to a shared beat.

Bump, bump, bump, bump. Our breaths mingle; his mine, his mine. Our own music, and we’re playing together without trying. It’s then I realize, I like the tune.

Maybe a little too much.

“You doing okay over there, Annabel Lee?” You can hardly hear the difference in his voice. He could be lounging on the couch as winded as he sounds.

“Yep.” And I am. Sure I feel a little out of breath, and my legs are starting to plead with me to give them a break, but it’s not overbearing. It actually feels kind of good.

“Told you, you had this. We’ll go a little longer, slow it down to a fast walk and then pick it up again.”

This time I only nod in reply. I’m back to our music. The slight rustle of the air in the trees adding a wind section. The way my heart drums, urging me on because this crazy wild rhythm is good for it. And as lame and cheesy as it sounds, it feels freeing. I keep going, keep my focus until Tegan’s elbow nudges me.

“Let’s take it down a notch.”

When he says a notch, that’s exactly what he means. This isn’t a leisurely stroll.

“You were out there. I’d like to see you tell me you aren’t enjoying this. I mean, of course you’re enjoying it because I’m here, but the jog too—”

That earns him a sharp smack on the arm. “Ouch!”

“You deserved that. We need to take you down a notch.”

Tegan turns so he’s walk/jogging backward, looking at me. “You like it. Admit you like me teasing you.”

“Admit it, you’re always fishing for compliments.”

“If I admit it, will you?”

“I admit nothing.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

It takes a minute to realize what’s going on here. Are we flirting? It’s such a strange concept. I’ve never flirted in my life. Maybe that’s not what this is. And if it is, it’s because Tegan is like that. Kind of flirty. And me? Well I guess I’m getting hypnotized by our music.

“Break over.” Before I have a chance to comprehend what he said, he’s jogging away and I’m running to try to catch up. It only takes a minute, partly because I

somehow find a new burst of energy and also because he slows down for me. We continue on the path doing our walk/jog thing and before I know it, we’ve made a

loop and we’re almost back to the car.

There’s a burning tingle running the length of my legs. And it sucks. Seriously, it doesn’t feel good, but in other ways it does. Like Tegan said, it sort of feels like my war wound. Proof that I’ve accomplished something.

“We’re almost there. Push a little bit more and I’m done torturing you for the day. I swear.”

As soon as we make it back to the car, I collapse in the grass. I’m too tired to care how it looks. The air fights to escape me, but I reel it in, taking deep, long breaths until they smooth into a steady rhythm.

Like he’d just woken up from a nap, Tegan hands me my water and sits next to me. He has his hands latched, arms around his legs, feet on the ground in a totally

relaxed position. Jerk.

But it’s then I realize he just helped me see something I’ve been way too curious about. The sleeve of his shirt is high enough that I see his sculpted arm and the tattoo on it. It’s some kind of symbol. I’m not sure what it means, but then there’s a name under it too.

Timmy.

He has a tattoo of his brother’s name. It’s cool in so many ways, but gives me a ton of questions too. He’s so hush, hush when it comes to his brother that the

declaration on his arm surprises me.

My heart is no longer beating crazily. It’s buried somewhere in my feet.

“Are you checking me out?” he asks, a smile in his voice, only I can’t reply. I keep staring at the tattoo. All the dark swirly lines of the design. Each small letter spelling out Timmy’s name. Wow… I feel like I’m going to be sick, even though it makes no sense.

“What?” he looks down. “Oh. It means brothers and the other is forever.”

“That’s cool. I like it.”

Tegan pushes his hair out of his face. The tense Tegan is back. He’s quiet and I’m quiet because I don’t know if I should say anything or not. The air around us is thick. It’s probably only eight, but I’m feeling hot and not sure it has anything to do with the run I just took. There’s something about him that does crazy things to me.

I wish I knew how he did it.

It could have been a minute or an eternity before he talks again. It’s hard to tell. “You hung out with my family yesterday.” He looks at me and there’s something different in his eyes. It’s not the playfulness, the cockiness or the tenseness. It takes me a moment to realize what it is. It’s vulnerability and it steals my breath. So much so I can only nod in reply.

“And you didn’t ask about me. Didn’t fish for answers. Didn’t mention I bailed on you. You just…hung out. Like you wanted to.”

There’s something that sounds like awe in his voice, like I did something exceptional or something. I’m not exceptional. I’m just me. “Umm, yeah. It was fun. Tim beat me at cards and your mom is incredible.”

Another long silence.

“Are they why you’re here right now?”

His question confuses me. Little sound bites of our fight pops into my head. When he asked if having a crippled brother excused him. Does he think I’m here

because I feel sorry for him? “No… But I’m still mad at you, too. I mean, there’s a part of me who gets it, but another who thinks it’s not too much to ask that you picked up a phone.”

He turns his head, still sitting in that relaxed position and looks at me. I shiver. He’s so beautiful. I shouldn’t think that, but I do.

“But you’re still here?” There’s so much behind his question that I don’t understand, but hear it all the same.

“I’m still here.” My reply matches the question in his.

A car pulls up in the lot behind us. Just a second later a bike zips by. People are starting to show up and I hadn’t noticed. Tegan stands. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk.” He holds out his hand which is all sorts of strange. I mean, sweet, but strange. I’ve never had a boy do that before. It reminds me of a movie or something, but I push those thoughts away and let him help me up. When he lets go, I miss his touch.

After we walk a little way, he says, “You also never apologized.”

I’m at a loss on what I’m supposed to be apologizing for. Apparently he reads my confusion because he says, “Because I have a handicapped brother. I can’t tell

you how many times people meet Timmy and then tell me they’re sorry.”

“It sucks, don’t get me wrong, but he seems happy. Well-adjusted and all that.”

Tegan huffs which isn’t the reply I expect. “He is. Timmy’s such a kickass kid. That’s what makes it all even worse.”

“Yeah—”

Tegan cuts me off before I can finish. “Listen, I just want to apologize again for not showing the other day. Mom needed help with something and I didn’t want to say anything because…I guess I’m just fucking sick of it being an excuse for everything, good or bad. People get all weird when it comes to Timmy. They either pity us and walk on eggshells or they don’t know how to deal with it at all, so they don’t.”

It’s a link between us I never would have expected. Each of his words spark something inside my heart because I feel the same way. I hate pity. I think about the way he refused my help that first day, the look he gave. “That first day—when I helped—I didn’t mean for you to think—“

“No, no.” He stops me with his hand. “Okay, maybe kind of, but that was different. The way you just jumped in like that,” he shrugs. “It was kind of cool. There

wasn’t that awkwardness, ya know? Like you felt obligated to help, but then like you thought his paralysis might be contagious at the same time. I hate that.”

We start walking again. “Wow, people really act like that?” It’s not like he’s a leper or something.

“I don’t know. Seems like it. Maybe it’s just me and I’m too damn sensitive about it.” He chuckles.

The urge to admit something to him too plays hide and seek inside me. I want to, but don’t know if I can.

“So yeah… thanks. For all of it. The help that day, hanging out with them because you wanted to…And now I’m done. That’s about enough of my sob story to

last a lifetime.”

I take some of his bravery, amazed by how protective he is of his family. “It’s not a sob story. I get it…I mean, not in the same way.” I study the ground as we

walk. “But the pity thing—I get it.”

“Who?” he asks.

“Everyone?” My laughter isn’t real.

“Who?” he asks again.

How does he know? Maybe the bigger question is can I tell him? “I thought we were done with sob stories?”

“Nope.” He shakes his head. “You’re not getting out of this. Just this one thing and then we’re done.” He nudges my arm with his and yes, it makes me a little

giddy.

Giddiness had power, because I say, “Two people mostly. A guy from school and—and my mom.”

Tegan curses under his breath, but there’s no apology. No pity.

“So… how did you end up becoming a trainer?” I’ll do anything to change the subject. Plus, there are so many things I still want to know about him. Why does he

work so hard? What happened to Tim? Who left them that makes him doubt people want to stick around?

“Timmy. It all leads back to him, doesn’t it?” His voice sounds sad. “I just kind of became obsessed with the human body. It really can do amazing, things,

Annabel Lee.”

There’s the name again. I wonder where it comes from.