Текст книги "Four Summers"
Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn
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Текущая страница: 3 (всего у книги 16 страниц)
That was how it began, our summers of sneaking out and watching the stars. Where we shared our secrets with each other and the night. We’d meet in secret and sometimes sit in my favorite spot. Other times, we’d head down the lakeside and I would pretend we could walk forever. I think I was really the one pretending and Nathaniel just listened. I wanted those summer walks with that summer boy to be my way out of The Village forever. But, really, I knew that couldn’t happen. Nathaniel would leave and I would be the one who stayed.
“Thanks for helping me wash the boats,” I tell Alec as we work on the second to last one.
“Don’t I always help? Plus, it’s my job,” he replies. At that I give him a small laugh.
“Most of the time you help, but you’ve been super busy this summer. I think Brandon has replaced me as your best friend.”
“Shut up. You know you’ll always be my best friend, Charlie. Brandon just likes ball as much as I do. He’s cool.” Alec looks away and starts scrubbing the boat again, his blond hair hanging in his face. He’s still been working at The Village and if I’m being honest, I guess it’s not that he hangs out with Brandon all the time, but it’s different. Alec has never ditched me for a guest before, though I guess he’s right. They are both obsessed with football and we don’t get a lot of people close to our age that would want to hang out and play as much as Brandon does.
Still, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to tease him. “He’s cool. You sound like you’re in awe of him!” Which in a way makes sense considering Brandon is supposed to be really good. Nathaniel says there’s no doubt he’ll play college ball.
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. Alec grabs the hose and turns it my way.
“No! Alec you better not!” I’m wearing a plain tank top and cut off shorts like I always am, and a pair of flip-flops. None of these articles will hold up well against a hose assault.
Alec steps closer.
“I said no, Alec Andrews!”
It really gets him when I add in his last name like that. Alec pulls the trigger to douse me in water. I scream and stick my hand in the bucket, ridiculously trying to fling water at him with a soppy sponge. Alec laughs when I give up and try to take cover. I turn to run and don’t make it very far before I’m crashing into someone. I bounce off of whoever it is, assuming it’s Dad who is going to freak out because Alec and I are playing around instead of working, but as soon as a pair of hands come out to catch me, I know it’s not Dad.
It’s Nathaniel.
Alec stops spraying and I stand there with Nathaniel’s hands on my arms. I shiver and hope he thinks it’s from being wet when really it’s because he could totally be letting me go by now and he’s not.
“What are you guys doing?” Nathaniel asks. I'm a total sucker for the backward way he wears his hat.
“Workin’,” I say, which is sort of silly because it’s obvious we’re not. My eyes take him in and I realize his t-shirt is all wet. “You’re all wet. Crap. I’m sorry.”
At that, he laughs. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who’s all wet.”
His eyes trace down my body and I can’t help but look down, too. Oh my God! My white tank top is sticking to my embarrassingly small boobs. You can see my bra through it. I pull away from him and bump into Alec, who I totally forgot was there.
“Chill, Charlie,” Alec says.
Pulling away from him, I cross my arms over my chest.
Nathaniel looks at me, then Alec, and back to me again. I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking, wishing his eyes or his face would tell me something.
“I came to see if you guys want to do something,” Nathaniel says.
“Yes,” I say at the same time Alec says, “We’re working.”
“Didn’t look like it to me.” Nathaniel raises his eyebrows. There isn't a chance to reply because Brandon and Sadie Ann walk up. They’ve been hanging out a lot over the past month. She brags about it all the time. It’s so hard for me not to tell her about my nights spent with Nathaniel, but I don’t.
And it’s obvious she doesn’t like how much time he spends doing guy stuff with Alec.
Brandon is the one who speaks. “Sadie said there’s a spot everyone goes to watch the movies at the drive-in? Maybe we can get a big group together to go.”
“I’ll call some people,” Alec says, right as Sadie replies, “I didn’t know we were inviting other people, too.” She crosses her arms in the way she does when she’s trying to get what she wants. It usually works.
“Aw, come on, beautiful. It’ll be fun.” Brandon pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her. He nuzzles her neck and I’m pretty sure, for the first time, someone other than Sadie is going to get his or her way.
I’m shocked when Alec steps closer to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. It’s something we’ve done before, but it feels different this time. My heart races and not in the way you want it to when a boy touches you. Oh, God. What if he tries to get all close to me like Brandon’s doing with Sadie? I’ve never kissed a boy, and I’m not like scared to or anything, but I don’t want to kiss Alec.
I look over at Nathaniel, hoping to see something from him that says he cares, but he’s screwing around with his iPod. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Why would Nathaniel care? I should feel lucky if Alec wants me. I'm not exactly a real hot commodity around The Village like Sadie Ann.
“I’m going to get ready if we’re all going out tonight.” Sadie pulls away and when she does, there’s a huge smile on her face. Behind Brandon’s back she gives me a thumbs up as though it was ever any question that she would get Brandon.
“Cool.” Brandon glances at Alec and grins, looking an awful lot like Nathaniel. “You calling people up, Andrews?”
When did Brandon start calling Alec by his last name? It’s this strange guy thing that I’ll never really understand.
“Yeah. Sure,” Alec replies. “I forgot my phone though.”
“You can use mine.” Alec and Brandon walk away as though Alec wasn’t just helping me wash the boats. Sadie is already halfway back to the house by now and I know there’s no way I’m getting her out here to help me.
“Looks like your boyfriend left, Gates,” Nathaniel says. Since when did he start calling me by my last name?
“I told you he’s not my boyfriend,” I snap.
“He wants to be.”
“You don’t get it. You don’t understand us.”
His blue eyes see right through me. He has a little dimple in his cheek when he smiles, which he does a lot. There’s a kind of rope necklace around his neck that he always wears. It’s tucked away under his shirt, and I don’t know what’s on it.
“Then why don’t you explain it to me while we clean the boat?”
I look at the very light, few freckles on his face. The smile curling his lips. The necklace that keeps me up at night. I don’t know what it is about this boy. Why he makes my heart dance and my stomach flip. Why he makes me wish I painted my toenails, but also makes me nervous to try.
He cocks his head and stares at me. I want to turn away, should turn away, but I can’t make myself.
Then, Nathaniel says, “Sometimes when you look at me like that…I don’t know…I wonder what you’re seeing.”
My cheeks burn with an embarrassed heat. My eyes dart away from him as my mind starts going at Mach speed. I am so stupid! Why do I stare at him? He knows.
I take a step away, and then another. My feet move faster each time. It’s so ridiculous, but I feel like I’m going to cry. He’s probably going to want to stop sneaking out with me and stop talking to me because he knows I like him.
“Hey. Where are you going?” Nathaniel asks.
I keep going until I’m on the other side of the last boat where no one can see me.
He follows. “What are you doing, Charlotte?”
“Washing the boat.”
“Why are you pissed at me?”
“Why are you following me?” I try to walk away again. It’s stupid that I’m mad. It’s not his fault I can’t hide the fact that I like him, but it is his fault for basically calling me out on it. Doesn’t he see I want to be alone?
Nathaniel grabs my arm. Not hard, but enough to make me stop. We’re still hidden around the back of the last boat. My chest is heaving up and down I’m breathing so hard and I try to forget about my wet shirt and tiny boobs and unpainted toenails.
“Why are you running from me?”
I let out a deep breath and close my eyes. His hand is still on my arm, and I’m shaking. I don’t look at him yet. Can’t, but I’m also not a runner. Dad taught me to be strong, not just physically but mentally too. There’s no reason to run because it’s not going to change anything, so even though I kind of feel like I’m going to puke right now, I open my eyes.
“You know why I’m running and why I’m embarrassed.” Because I like you. I like you and I know you don’t like me the same way. Because even if you did, you’d be leaving at the end of the summer and it wouldn’t matter.
I want Nathaniel to let go of me. To walk away or laugh or something like that, but instead he just looks at me the way I looked at him. Not that I think he likes me, too, but I think maybe he sees something there no one else does. Or at least that he’s searching for it.
His right hand still has my arm, as his left moves toward me. I can’t help but think, this is it! I’m going to get my first kiss and it’s going to be perfect because it’s with this summer boy who gets lost in the night with me.
But instead he touches my hair. Lets it fall through his finger tips and I know it’s not silky and pretty like Sadie’s but it looks beautiful when my brown strands wrap around his fingers. You can see the highlights from the sun.
“I’ve never met anyone like you,” he finally says.
I don’t know what that means, so I say, “I’m just Charlie.” It’s a stupid thing to say.
“Charlotte. You told me to call you Charlotte.”
It's the perfect thing he can say. I’m not Charlie Rae, the girl who plays football with the boys or the one who has no future but to stay here and take over The Village. With him I’m Charlotte and that feels entirely different.
“You going to let me help you clean the boats?” he asks. A nod is all I can manage.
Nathaniel lets go of me and we walk over to the hose and buckets. Right before he gets started his voice stops me.
“Charlotte?”
I turn to look at him. “Yeah?”
“I’m glad we came this summer. I’m glad we’re friends.”
I chew my bottom lip, not sure how to reply. His words pump my heart up, because I want that. To be his friend, but then it gets so big it shatters, too, because I know that’s his way of telling me that’s all we’ll ever be.
I get halfway to my room when I hear Mom. “Charlie Rae! You’re tracking water all over the house!”
“Crap,” I groan as I grab the kitchen towel off the counter. “I’ll clean it up.”
I’m sopping up the water—which is ridiculous, I might add, since I’m still wet and just making more of a mess—when she walks in.
“What were you doing out there?” She leans against the counter in her pretty summer dress.
“Washin’ the boats.”
“Your sister’s going out with those Chase boys tonight. She and the older one, Brandon, seem to be getting along well.” Mom smiles. She would love Sadie to end up with a boy like Brandon who would take her away from here. I know she wishes she had a man more like their dad rather than mine. That makes me sad, because he loves her so much. Because no matter what, he’s the best man I know. I’m sure she loves him too, but maybe not in love with him. I think her hatred of being here changed her feelings for him.
“They’re leaving at the end of the summer,” I remind her.
Mom sighs. “I know. They always leave us behind, don’t they?” She looks sad. Part of me wants to tell her they don’t have to leave us behind. We could go. All of us. For once I want her to know I want to leave, too. It’s one of the only things we have in common, but I can’t do it. It would feel like stabbing Dad in the back.
I don’t think she would get it anyway. Not my wanting to leave. It’s something she shares with Sadie because their reasons are different from mine.
“I’m going with them tonight, too,” I say.
Mom smiles and I can tell she’s not trying to be mean when she says, “That’s nice of them to let you tag along.”
It doesn’t stop the words from hurting though.
I don’t want to be the one who’s tagging along.
There’s a spot way off to the far right side of the drive-in movies where we like to hang out. Not many other people come here because the view isn’t the best. But I guess when most of us come, it’s more to hang out and not watch the movies anyway.
Alec was able to borrow his parents’ truck, which Sadie wanted him to bring so we’d have the back. Of course she still brought her car, I’m assuming so she could have more time with Brandon, which means it’s Nathaniel and I riding with Alec. Talk about awkward. They both talk to me, but neither of them talks to each other. Alec keeps calling me Charlie and Nathaniel, Charlotte, which always gets a snort from Alec. It totally sucks.
Alec jaw is tight and he keeps squeezing the steering wheel. I’m not sure why he doesn’t like Nathaniel. Maybe because no boys are interested in me and we spend so much time together, he just sort of considers me his. He’s never had to share me, even with another friend. But he’s friends with someone who stayed at The Village for the first time too.
I’m not anyone’s. Not Alec’s, and I’m definitely not Nathaniel’s.
Nathaniel leans forward from the small cab in the truck. “Do we even know what’s playing?”
“No one watches the movies anyway,” Alec replies.
“So I’m not allowed to watch the movie? Shit. You guys should have told me.” There’s laughter in Nathaniel’s voice and I can’t help but smile.
Alec shakes his head from the driver’s seat, but then as we pull in, he says, “Your brother and Sadie are getting awful close.”
Nathaniel just shrugs like he doesn’t care and leans back again. My head whips toward Alec. “Why do you care? Don’t tell me you’re worried about Sadie Ann.”
It’s selfish of me, I know, but Alec is the only thing I’ve ever had that Sadie could never take away from me, even if she wanted to. Everyone else loves her more and I’ve been okay with that because I had Alec. His statement hurts me more than it should.
“You know that’s not how it is, Charlie.” Then he reaches over and puts his hand on my knee. It’s a comforting move because he knows I’m insecure when it comes to my sister. He’s been around long enough to know that and I both want to squeeze his hand back as a thank you, and also feel strange about it being there, too.
Nathaniel clears his throat. Without looking back, I know he’s smiling. His eyes are dancing with laughter and saying, I told you so, because he sees more between Alec and me than there really is. I ignore him.
We drive to our private spot under the trees. Sadie’s car is already there as well as a bunch of other people we know. All in all there’s about six vehicles parked. As soon as Alec kills the engine, we all three climb out.
Everyone gets busy making beds in the backs of the trucks and setting up camp chairs. My chair is stuck. As I fight to get it open, I see a few girls from school looking over at Nathaniel and smiling. My stomach sinks. The stupid chair becomes even more annoying as I struggle with it.
“You’re going to pulverize that thing. Let me do it.” Nathaniel grabs the chair from me and pulls, trying to open it.
I can tell he thought it would open easy so I laugh when he fights with the thing as hard as I did.
“You’re trying to put a dent in my masculinity, aren’t you?” He grunts like he’s struggling even more than he is.
“I don’t think I have to. The chair is doing a good enough job,” I laugh. Nathaniel looks up. He’s bent over messing with the chair, but his eyes are on me. There’s a teasing playfulness to them and then half his mouth lifts in a smile. His dimple shows and I don’t know how I’m able to read that look, but I turn and run.
I hear Nathaniel drop the chair behind me and know he’s right on my tail. I don’t get far before his arms wrap around my waist. My back is lined up with the front of his body, his mouth right next to my ear.
“Think you’re tough, do you, Star Girl,” he whispers. Shivers flow in wave after wave down my body. It’s only the second time he’s called me that, but I like it.
“Maybe not tougher than that chair.” I try to keep my voice calm, but then a laugh jumps out of my mouth when Nathaniel starts to tickle me. His hands play at my sides and I can’t stop the giggles that fall out of my mouth.
I feel the eyes of everyone else on us. They’re probably all wondering what the heck is going on. I don’t play around with boys like this. Sadie does. Other girls do, but not Flatty Rae.
I’m laughing and trying to get out of Nathaniel’s arms, but he doesn’t loosen his grip. He’s strong. I wish I could melt into his hold and that he would never let go. Still I pretend to try and break free as he keeps tickling. Then my foot gets caught in something and I start to go down. I don’t know how he does it, but Nathaniel turns us before we fall to the ground so it’s him that hits the dirt first. I land on top of him, gasping as I realize how I’m laying on him.
I pause, stare.
Nathaniel pauses, then smiles.
And we both bust up laughing again. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I do at this moment. He doesn’t push me off and I don’t move just yet. We just lay there in the dirt, my body resting on top of Nathaniel’s, his hands on my hips as we laugh.
All too soon, we’re quieting and Alec is walking over, holding out his hand to help me up. I let him and then Nathaniel gets up behind me and he’s dirty and I know I’m dirty and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
Nathaniel dusts himself off, but then looks over at me from under his lashes. He’s facing to the side of me and not head on so it’s just this side look and this half smile and I can’t stop from returning it. It feels like there are secrets in this look. Like there’s knowledge and fact, and I wonder if it was written in the stars.
I know then, I will never, ever forget this moment. I hope he won’t either.
They always play two movies at the drive in. When the first one is over, all the girls decide that we need to take a group trip to the bathroom. Makes no sense to me, but I go anyway. I don’t want to be that girl who stays behind with the guys because that’s the easy way of them seeing you as one of the boys.
There are eight of us in the dirty bathroom where no one really pees, but fixes their hair and touches up their make up and does girl talk.
“Brandon is so hot,” Cissy tells Sadie.
“I know, right?” my sister replies. “And seriously, such a good kisser!” Everyone laughs. I’m probably the only one who hasn’t kissed a boy so I keep my mouth shut.
“His brother is hot, too!” Danielle adds and they all agree. I grab a paper towel from the dispenser and pretend to wipe my hands. The last thing I want is to listen to them talk about how hot he is.
“Eh, he’s okay,” Sadie replies. “A little young for me.”
Yeah, because a year is so much younger than she is.
As awkward as it was sitting between Nathaniel and Alec for the first movie, it was better than being a part of this boy-talk cluster in the bathroom.
“If I didn’t know better, I would think Charlie had two boys fighting over her!” Sadie laughs, which everyone follows and starts to do the same. My gut clenches, but I try not to show my discomfort. Try to laugh it off, but really, I’m wishing it wasn’t so hard to believe. Not that I want boys fighting over me, because I don’t, but…why does it have to sound so impossible?
“For sure,” Bridgett says. “Everyone knows Charlie and Alec are going to be one of those couples who just end up together and then they’ll get married and that will be that.”
“Alec isn’t my boyfriend,” I grit out.
Bridget replies, “I know. You guys make that painfully obvious, but we know you will be one day. Which is a shame because Alec is hot, too. Since he’s not yours yet, you should tell him it’s okay to spread the love around a little.”
Everyone laughs again. I want to throw up. I toss the paper towel in the trash, planning to walk out, but Sadie’s voice stops me. “They might not admit it, but her and Alec have been together since they were born. It’s ridiculous. Plus, it’s not like she could have Nathaniel. Brandon told me he has a girlfriend back home.”
It feels like she just punched me in the stomach. I try to ignore the pain. “I'm not interested in him, anyway.” But I am. I know it and Nathaniel knows it and I think even Alec knows it. Why didn’t he tell me he had a girlfriend?
He didn’t have to tell me. It’s not my business.
“We need to hurry. I want to get back to Brandon!” My sister winks at the girls. They’re all giddy and giggling and my chest hurts so bad I feel like I can’t breathe. They've just reached into my chest and wrapped a fist around my lungs, my heart, and they’re squeezing the life out of me.
My brain keeps trying to tell me nothing has changed. I always knew Nathaniel would never be mine. He’ll leave in a few weeks and then probably be out of my life forever. My heart doesn’t get it, though.
Just a couple of hours ago, I knew I would remember this night forever. Now I know I’ll remember it for all the wrong reasons.
I’m quiet through the second movie. Quiet still as we pack up. Quiet the whole drive home. When we get back to The Village, Nathaniel whispers in my ear, “What time do you want to meet tonight?”
I know right here what I have to do. I want nothing more than to keep having my nights with him, but I know I can’t. If I don’t look out for myself, no one else will. To protect my heart, I look at him. Study his eyes, his dimple, wish I could pull his necklace out from under his shirt to see what it is. I don’t do any of that. Instead I tell him, “I can’t come out tonight. I can’t meet you anymore.”
He doesn’t stop me when I walk away.
The next day Dad tells me to clean the cabin the old couple was in—that they left. I remember them sitting on the porch together that night, and all the other times I’ve seen them just enjoying each other for the past month. Loving each other.
I don’t know why, but I cry the whole time I clean their cabin.
