Текст книги "The memoirs of a Russian schoolboy (СИ)"

Автор книги: Марат Нигматулин

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The most famous joke of these two was that they approached Sergei Aleksandrovich, and then, taking him to the camera, said: «You lost your eggs, but we decided to return them!». At the same time, they offered him two eggs cooked with a steep method, which our historian reacted very unusually, thanking them, and then eating both eggs, waving his hand at the camera, which accurately displayed this. [In this case, the whole point of the jokes play on words in the Russian language: we have the word «eggs»refers to eggs of birds and reptiles, and human testicles.] Now, however, I must return to describing their appearance, also quite important and interesting, beginning with the fact that they were both in the fifth grade, being a year younger than me. Rustik was a skinny boy, who did not give out a resident of the southern regions in his outward appearance: a fashionable haircut, a clean school uniform, a snub nose. Yukhanov was absolutely bloody by a tanned Russian average build boy, always dressed in school uniform, with a straight nose, an unimpressed chin, and blond-colored hair trimmed with a bang.

– Hey, what's so fat? – Rustik called to me, standing with Yarik at the toilet window, the moment I went to the restroom.

– Do you care about the state of my body? – I asked. – Why is a man interested in the bodily features of another man?

– Yes nothing – it's interesting simply. – Rustik answered, chewing a roll.

Further, in fact, nothing interesting happened, because our conversation developed along the usual for this institution trajectory, with which you can see above and below in the text, but still some places from this conversation I will give.

– Build the press? – Rustik asked me.

– No! – I answered.

– It can be seen. – said Rustik,continuing to chew a roll. – I do it 500 times a day, and I raise 1000 dumbbells! Understand?! At me therefore also weight of 32 kg.

– I have a press too! – Yarik put in, chewing a chocolate bar.

At that moment I answered that in our school they usually answered similar boasts: «And will you be able to show it?».

– Well, I did not build it for four months, so it swam with me, but I can.

Yukhanov replied, somewhat embarrassed. The muscles of his stomach were, in fact, really strong, but they were hidden under a thick layer of fat.

– I'll take it all away – starting from today, I'm starting to build! – reported to me Yarik, continuing to chew.

Rustik had things to do with the abdominal muscles, I must say, much, much better, although after that it will not be too important for our narrative. All of us, probably, know the value of the promises of a lazy and gluttonous schoolboy, and therefore we will be able to predict the further development of events. By the winter of the same year, Yarik had grown very serious, never really losing weight, but only getting stronger in his obesity, which was only facilitated by the fact that he was soon transferred to the sitting position of the editor after leaving school journal. In the beginning of December I met him in the corridor, finding the moment when he was returning from physical education, being all wet from sweat, red from the heat and gasping for breathlessness. The wet T-shirt was tightly wrapped around a drooping belly, which continued to grow further, that soon everyone began to notice. Soon, Yukhanov could no longer pull back or pull himself up, and finally completely abandoned physical education, persuading his parents for a financial reward to get himself a certificate of release from physical education. [In Russia all medical services covered by the state, although private clinics also in this case exist, but they are not very popular even among the rich people. To doctors, however, pay a little, – because some of them for a small cash bribe do people fake medical documents, such as a hospital leaf or sheet of exemption from physical education, such and got my friend. In Russia if you were absent from work or school for three weeks, then you only need to give 200 US dollars to a doctor to write you a reference that will help you to avoid any problems. In addition, doctors can osvobodit from military conscription.] Subsequently, I will still touch on the topic of Yarik and his physical condition, as well as the subtleties of his work as a reporter, although all this will not be very detailed.

Rustik lasted a little longer, but when he was in the sixth grade, he also surrendered before the onslaught of vices, to the seventh class, finally losing his sporting appearance. He, however, was thin on the complexion, and therefore in a full-fledged fat man, which later became Yarik, did not turn out only by growing a giant belly, conflicting with his tiny chest and thin handles. Hands, by the way, before that covered with muscles, he became simply extremely weak, covered with fat, became the same as a jelly, and sosoon he could not press more. The subjects themselves observed their obesity as an absolutely inevitable process, not accelerating it in any way, but without trying to reverse it, and so he managed to reveal himself in the fullest possible form, albeit gradually.

If you are surprised or amazed at why I write so much about fat, this is due to the fact that schoolchildren of my era and my place aesthetized obesity, sought to make it beautiful, sang praises to him, some almost deified him. Obesity in my time became so fashionable among young people that a lot of skinny young people gained weight specially, «spoiling their own figure», judging by the opinion of the older generation. On this fashion, I will say more about this fashion in this work and in more detail, for the time being I wanted to finish the scene in the restroom, which was torn by Tonya,who yelled in all her throat: «Y-y-a-a-rik, Ru-u-u-stik, come here, fucking fagots, condoms used, whores!». The boys fell from their seats, running to shoot another fight on the camera for the electronic magazine Antonina Bozhenko.

Chapter seven.

The lesson of the Russian language and the birth of a new genre.

In this chapter I will describe how my first Russian lesson in this school was conducted, and also how the new conversation genre for this institution was born, which was later called «questions by address».

Alas, I did not find the previous year when Sergey Alexandrovich was leading our Russian lessons, so I can only judge those times from Denis's stories: «He started a lesson. He asked about what kind of theme we are going through now. We answered: «The predicate». He took the textbook, read it and said: «The predicate... I wonder what this is for the predicate... Now we will find him!». [Here I must say that Sergey, though possessed of absolute skills in written and verbal speech could not distinguish the verb from the noun; Russian school average are not achieving literacy and practice all the language rules by heart, without understanding by disciple.] But then he took the book, copied from there a couple of sentences with errors and told us to correct them.». I later learned from Sergey Alexandrovich that the book was called «A Writer's Diary»

[More true translate: «The Diary of the Writer.] by Fyodor Dostoevsky, and he gave the text for correction there [My author’s translation.]: «If the matter continues, if the people themselves do not come to their senses <...> then the whole, at the very least, will find itself in the hands of  all kinds of Jews... The liquid will drink the people's blood and feed on debauchery and humiliation of the people... The dream is bad, a terrible dream, and – thank God it's only a dream!».

Alas, happy times have passed, and times of horror and fear have come to replace them, for Snezhana Vladimirovna Kruglova, our Russian teacher, who was still sitting on maternity leave [Paid maternity leave in Russia is quite long and it lasts for three years for normal children and six years if the child is sick.], having given birth to the third child, returned to her service, many bringing us sorrows. And despite the fact that in our school rites were constantly being performed against her, the purpose of which was to destroy her, she was still alive, until she found out about them;  in any case, I had to go to her lesson. The whole school knew that the person was extremely depraved, and that Snezka, as we called her [In this case it is very humiliating nickname.], managed to surrender to the adultery with many students of the tenth and eleventh grades, having committed a terrible sin, not suitable for forgiveness of the heavens.

In the classroom, we have already settled in the places our brother places, as this teacher entered the class, which, to be honest, was very beautiful, albeit excessively sexy, like in a brothel, which I could not pay attention to, because I always  was and remains a champion of high morality; on Snezka I wore absolutely incomprehensible pants from latex, which so tightened her fleshy fifth point and shoes on the stiletto he could hardly displease any decent person, but I kept myself and thought: her mores can be corrected, but now follows  to think about its internal qualities. To begin with, our teacher embraced all the girls who were pulling their ears to the ears, trying to please her, and the most inquisitive were the girls in this business who during the time of one of the satanic rites against her loudest repeated: «O Beelzebub, punch Snezhan Kruglov!». «Soak in the toilet of the bitch!» [This observation is the use of popular frazeologizm «soak the toilet», went the famous phrase of Vladimir Putin that justice will overtake the terrorists everywhere, even in the toilet. I have to say that the original used the word «sortir» – a gross name of the toilet that has no analogues in the English language.] – Dennis sang to their terrible howls at that time, during the rite, Denis, who now sitting like the waters of the Moscow River behind his desk in silent horror.

The teacher then told her about her life and her men, who were many to her, and then answered the question of the hideous girl Aigun, who asked her about our new director, Ilya Mikhailovich Bronstein [A Jew.]. «Do not approach him, girls, it's dangerous: he's a liar! The Jews are very vile people, they are almost not people at all. Such creatures always spoil everything. They steal children and often kill them! Know: he is not a good person and he must bewall.». Ilya Mikhailovich, I must say, repaired our school, invited the best teachers, wished to organize new sports sections and circles, such as icon painting, tried to introduce rhetoric and philosophy into the program, conducted lessons on a large scale, which aroused a vivid dislike of the conservative public;  Nina Ivanovna, our head of «social work», who worked in our school at that time by the time she was 41, even said: «We do not need all these rhetoric and philosophy – with them children will not listen to us at all.School should educate: not to bully, that Christ, the God honored, that extremism, no one had, and from this philosophy one extremism! It is absolutely our children do not need: it is better to let the physical love – she will be useful in life, and the philosophy of rhetoric – no. It's all nonsense – these children will become the best workers, so that they do not need philosophy.». [I must say that in Russia the absolute majority (92% in 2017 year) of young people after school entered higher educational institutions, and then finishes them safely; the young workers in Russia very little.] But Nina Ivanovna, I will have reason to return, but now it's I want to continue about Snezhana Vladimirovna, or rather about the later events that followed the lesson.

Hardly the bell rang and we left class, as Denis was asked me a provocative question: «How are you our teacher is hot?». I broke out in response to a question, what camcorder is preserved in full: «I was impressed by the debauchery, the wild debauchery that preaches the teacher. Absolutely are not able to understand how we can tolerate this to themselves: everyone should from one of her to become sick. She is dressed like a fallen and completely degraded whore-alcoholic from the port of Odessa! To person to such an extent nasty I wouldn't wards, fearing for their health! What cultureless fallen woman can teach us, and how hitherto tolerate her presence here our honourable government?! She dresses so that it wants us to tempt and to corrupt: this kind of apparel are not even in brothels, but only in a completely rotten dens of perverts, drug addicts, whereas this stuff is dared in such a way to be in a school where the walls on it look great heroes! If a woman or a man wearing a filthy robe, he certainly deserved death! If a woman seeks slutty clothes to expose their charms on display, then she is a prostitute, and to call her otherwise is the sin of lying, and who denies her lascivious nature, he is either a fool or an enemy of the people. These people are poisoning our nation fornication and its consequences: syphilis, alcoholism, drug addiction. It is necessary to destroy the lascivious people in the name of life of our people, and if you want to save his homeland, put a stake in the heart of a harlot, and bury her outside the gates of the cemetery. I said so! Say «no»outright outfits, say «yes» the only true doctrine of dialectical materialism!».

In response, I heard a stormy wave of applause, and after I was approached by two girls of the first grader and asked: «Why not to wear tight things?». [In Russian schools pupils of all classes, Junior, middle and senior, are in the same building is commonly that the not applies only to new schools.] I said: «One stupid girl constantly wore tight things, not removing them even when you sleep. With time tight latex pants clung to her legs so much that the legs had to be cut off!».

Girls, without hesitation, walked over tothe waiters and said to her: «Do not wear tight latex pants, and then you have to cut off his feet, they are long and fat! That's what my uncle Marat said.». The reaction of teachers to predict you are quite capable, but because to describe it as a matter of empty and unimportant that lines here will not spend.

Chapter eighth.

My relationship with the sport.

The reader who wants now to learn more about the simple life of our wonderful schools, and therefore does not care about the biographical subtleties of the biography of the author, demanding a different kind of continuation in the general theme, we must explain that the next chapter will hardly be really understood if one reads himself. This one will not force this; goodness, it is not great (relative to the main, according to some literary scholars, the work of Leo Tolstoy, of course).

As you know, many parents of my country give their children to sports only for the sake of only those will grow up a little, not thinking about anything, but especially about the welfare of their children; in this matter my family, alas, acted in a very similar way, although not completely.

Since I was a pretty good boy who was not yet a supporter of worldly asceticism, as it was now, I ate very abundantly, at the same time I was not moving too much, starting at the age of five, gradually starting to fondle with a tender fat, and by six getting quite noticeable tummy and cheeks.

It was then, at the age of six, I was given to the local section of aikido, where I studied for about six months, forcibly abandoning this occupation, going to the first class of the public school. Aikido, like any other sport, to which my generation was given by completely ignorantly ignorant parents, did not give me anything for both spiritual and mental development, leaving no significant memories of myself in my memory. As well as the most part of those who are given sports against their will, and even at that low-age, I did not make friends there, and I did not learn anything worthwhile, only without spending any time. Since aikido did not significantly increase the load on the body, and in the compartment with my entry into the first class and the subsequent increase in the school load, and consequently the reduction in the time for mobility, to which it should be added that the diet was not cut by anyone, I continued fatness.

Autumn 2008, when I was already at school, aikido was left forever, and in my life there was a very long indisputable period, which was connected with a certain load in the Russian elementary school: we were asked such volumes of material that I went to bed at one o'clock in the morning, in time to learn all this; most of my free time I spent lying on the couch, while eating a very harmful food, which, however, resistance from my acquaintances and parents did not meet. It would be a mistake to think at the same time that I was just lying on the couch all my childhood and bursting with sweets: in fact, I quite often, during my free time, did long, often long walks in the fresh air, which I loved from childhood, however, was not enough to get into shape.

Thus, due to the well-known way of life, to which all the representatives of my well-fed and fed generation stood out, when I turned 10 years I had a growth of 130 centimeters and a weight equal to 38 kilograms, which was quite a lot for me. I had a round and protruding soft belly, turning into three huge folds at the moment I was sitting down, slightly drooping sides, very puffy cheeks, a large rounded fifth point[The fifth point is the literary name of the ass in the Russian language.], thick legs, overgrown with fat, which was shaking when walking, to everything else I have never been able to pull myself up or kick off from the floor, but all this did not bother me at all until a certain moment.

I remember today, as in the summer of 2010, – was then 9 years old, – I went swimming in the Moscow River, not so much bathing as I am lying down under the rather stingy Moscow sun and eating chocolate bars and other sweets. It was a hot sunny day, I descended from the path to the Filyovskaya embankment, then still wild and overgrown with shrubbery, and not as new as it now looks, settled on the grass and set my tummy to the stingy Moscow sun; I splashed in the river and sunbathed together with other boys, whose figures were similar to mine, and only one of them was skinny, but we did not pay attention to it. I quickly became covered with fat and sunburn, like all my friends, and it was at this time that I remembered my then-figure, looked at it in detail; then I first began to doubt that I looked good, but these doubts quickly disappeared in the stuffy and damp air of the floodplain.

It was the best summer of my childhood, it was the real «childish»summer, with all the myths about swimming in rivers, real friends about him, an abundance of sweets, which was really too much, and all the others attached; in the afternoon I lay on the beach, and on the couch in the evening, being absolutely happy and unreasonable child, since I did not yet know that this was my last «children's»summer.

The further development of events could have been predicted based on previous facts, as well as from what was known about my peers with whom I had followed the common path, but life, as might be expected, was much more interesting. Many and many of my acquaintances who were given the same way in sports forcibly and thoughtlessly at a young age who, like myself, abandoned him and began to lie on the couch from morning till night, eating off harmful food, never changed anything and continued everything do as they did until the adult state, for which I do not blame them, because it is logical and understandable. I personally did not understand why I made a turn to the other side when I was ten years old, but I remember this moment perfectly, so I will describe it in all details, as well as fatness followed.

In the courtyard was the First April, when there was still snow outside the window, not wanting to keep anything, and I lay on the couch in my house myself, indulging in my usual occupation, – eating all kinds of harmful food; clarifying all of the above, I want to note that I was not quite at home: I was at my grandparents, where I usually lay on the couch, grilling and doing nothing useful. In the room quite close to the window there was the same couch on which I was lying, in front of which there was a table with food and a TV, a master's bed next to it, followed by wardrobes with door-mirrors. I spent the whole day resting on the fact that I was lying on the couch, eating everything that was on the table, but I will not list all these dishes, for I myself am a little ashamed of myself for that time, but I must say that there was the most selective fat and  harmful food for health. When I was lying on the couch, I was usually dressed in training and a tank top, or at all in some cowards, if I was particularly hot, but now I was dressed in training pants and a shirt tightly fitting my belly, which is even slightly from under her got out.

On TV, I watched a cartoon, where one of the main characters at that very moment bragged to the other characters with his remarkable figure and achievements on the sports field[«Homer the Whopper».], to which I reacted like this: «You'll think! I'm just as good as him!». I still did not know how much that moment in the life of the character will change my own life;  at that moment I picked up my tank top and decided to look at my tender abdomen, which I did, easily pushing my clothes and putting my hand on the belly. So I just looked at him for a while, then I took a fat on my stomach, forming a rather thick fold, and even surprised myself how much fat on my belly is a lot. Then I tried to strain my abdominal muscles, wanting to see how his appearance would change then, but he did not change at all – my stomach was still so soft and round, and I could not grope for muscles under the fat layer. Then I got up so that the stomach formed into three folds, and when this happened, I took the third – the thickest of them, as it should be in her hands, and then let go with the thought: «My God, how I launched myself! I'm completely lazy and swam in fat! Have I become a fat boy?».

After sitting for a few minutes in a daze with this thought, I got up and went to the closets, the doors of which were decorated with mirrors, looking at myself through their reflection: in the latter I saw a really pretty chubby boy, which simply brought me into some horror. Mike tightly crammed my huge sides and protruding belly, which even a little got out from under it, which completely upset me; then I took off my tank top and training and looked at myself without it: I was horrified even more, for it became clear to me that it was still more neglected.

Very chubby cheeks, like a hamster, a small second chin, relatively recently started to grow, fat on the chest, a huge amount on his back, thick and weak hands without a little muscle, huge sides and belly just hung over the elastic pants, of which almost fell out  a giant seat, from which went down thick, fat-swollen legs. I ate a terrible strain of all the harmful food that was on my table, and then, with difficulty pulling on the jeans that I still wore, I trudged home to my parents, where, locked in my room, I even more closely examined my figure, making sure and confirming all of their former positions.

I weighed when I found out that my weight was 38 kilograms and 400 grams, which again shocked me. Then I took out a photo album, long considering my life, captured by the camera, seeing as from a photo to a photo I am increasing and becoming fat, as my belly and fifth point slowly grows; in one photo I saw a plump boy with ice cream in his hands, who sits on the beach so that his belly was folded; on another even more plump, also lying on the beach and eating chips; I felt very ashamed of myself.

The next day, however, I continued to devour myself, not having the determination and knowledge to change my life; I was lying on my couch in some shorts, bursting chips, almost forgetting about yesterday's event, but I again began to examine my body, and then, after putting aside food and washing my hands, I tried myself in exercises;  I tried to fight back, but my frail and fat hands could not let me, which made me apply to a different matter: I decided to rock the press. With enormous difficulty, I did 12 times this exercise, after which I fell exhausted, all bleeding afterwards, and already began to pull my hand towards the food, as I pulled myself back, thinking that I would bring myself in good shape: «Farewell, laziness! There's no more fussing on the couch, no sweets, just sports!».

Since that day, I stopped gluttony, starting at the same time to swing a press and practicing with dumbbells almost all free time, paying at least 2 hours a day, but more often twice as many, doing more and walking, as well as morning jogging. With the onset of summer, I took an interest in this issue even more, having developed my own training system, for I did not read smart books on the topic at that time, but I decided to get to my senses with my own mind, having created a system that not only showed a high result not only on me, but also on  those whom I taught her. At first I only practiced with dumbbells one or two hours a day, giving the muscles of the press and squats as much as I could, which was given to me with great difficulty, for then I was still very weak, eventually gaining strength. When I was already able to do push-ups, I started doing five hundred push-ups per day as an addition to all this, doing them first in a lot of short approaches, but then learning how to do push-ups more than a hundred times at a time. In the third stage, I added all the jogs three or five kilometers daily, multiplying my load to the maximum, while eating very, very scarce, ensuring a wonderful result. My weight dropped to 30 kilograms and 200 grams, the increase increased from 130 centimeters to 143, instead of the belly appeared cubes of the press, I learned to wring out more than a hundred times in one sitting, got rid of shortness of breath.

I remember how I went to the physical locker room on First September 2011year, when I was in the fourth grade, everyone was fascinated by my unprecedented achievements, provoking the envy of all the boys and the legitimate sympathy of some ladies. Of all the boys in our class, I was the only one who possessed a relief press, wringing out the most, and having the least weight, which greatly increased my self-esteem, but not too much for a long time. As soon as I entered the locker room and took off my clothes, left in some shorts, as I instantly felt the look of others around me: all our boys even a little embarrassed their fat forms.

– Wow, Marat, well, you and the press pumped! – said Misha Smirnov, –my classmate and a good acquaintance.

Then everyone began to praise me in different ways, and after that lesson, the news of my new state spread among the girls. The summer, however, has passed, the weekdays have begun, and so the time for sports classes has decreased, and my strength has also taken away the basic educational activity, so I began to become lazier more and more, after canceling the jog, then reducing the load to a hundred push-ups per day,  and then completely neglected the load at all, once again moving into the fuss on the couch and gluttony. I was too lazy to get up early, to run coldly in the cold morning, and then to press and swing the press, while I could not do this, which was predetermined to a certain extent. Even then I was strictly convinced that without a moral superstructure, nothing progressive could be done, as I was convinced in practice and in theory later;  all my acquaintances who wished to lose weight and grow fat (and they were, in fact, in a reliable number) could not achieve this in part because of the lack of a moral superstructure of their actions: the first did not overcome the love for food and did not develop a love for mobility, the latter did not. Overcame the aversion to food and failed to reduce the load. It is very important for a person to gain moral virtue, so that she becomes the leading force of his material means to the victory of reason and good; without a real theory leading you, being deprived of a guiding star, your ship is doomed to drowning.

But now I'm back to business; so, I completely stopped looking after myself, and so the excess weight very soon began to return: already at the beginning of October the press began to swim with a tender fat, and the amount of push-ups I was capable of fell from 150 to 130. I gradually more and more relaxed blurred in the body: again he lay all day on the couch and gorged himself, not wishing to get up and doing exercises, and so I was soon fattened back to his former state, which, however, did not concern me in any way. Over the next two years, the fourth grade (the last grade of the primary school in Russia) and the fifth (first class in the middle school), I grew fat from 30 kg to 43 kg, finally losing all sporting appearance, becoming an ordinary chubby boy, as I was before.

Again a gigantic fifth point appeared, a very soft protruding belly, slightly crawling out from under tightly fitting T-shirts, frail hands, fat sides, overhanging jeans, which I had not yet refused. When at the very end of April of the thirteenth year (when my fifth grade was over) we disguised ourselves in physical education, something unpleasant happened, that when we were changing from physical culture, and when I was already in my underwear, then Yasha – one of my classmates, – said the next, addressing me, of course: «Who is this so fat?!». Then he approached me and began to scold me for the shortcomings of my figure, which was instantly picked up by everyone around him, and after they all calmed down and left the room, Misha Smirnov, going out last, just said to me: «Marat, stop eating, get busy again sports!». At that moment I just sat on the bench and burst into tears, mourning my sports figure, which, however, did not stop me from lying on the couch all summer, increasing my weight by September to 46 kilograms, forcing my parents to send me to swim to maintain the necessary appearance.