Текст книги "The memoirs of a Russian schoolboy (СИ)"

Автор книги: Марат Нигматулин

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– Well, how are you doing sports? –Misha asked me, chewing a chocolate bar.

– No, I do not, although I attended regular classes on aikido a few years ago, but they have long neglected employment in school issues, of which there are so many now. – I answered in my usual style.

– I see... – Misha drawled with some anguish. – I'm not doing anything either.

– I also. – said Denis.

– You did not do anything before. You are generally a bummer. – Misha remarked to him. – You're lying on the couch all day! – answered him Denis.

– Yes... – smiling, and not without irony answered Denis.

– And you, Marat? – asked Misha, turning his cheeky face to me.

– I'm also far from ideal in this matter… – I said with a fair amount of embarrassment.

– Do you have a press? – Denis asked me.

– Was earlier. – I answered.

– Me too! – said Misha. – And Den had... But now...

At that moment Misha raised his shirt, revealing to everyone his tummy, yet not too big, but already quite noticeable: it was evident that he had had a press before, but in the absence of training and when he overcame the abundant food with fat and weakened, although one could still guess about his former existence. Denis also raised his shirt, showing his belly for our review: Denis's stomach was much stronger – it was evident that he had not given much time to physical stresses, and therefore even if the press really was with him, hedisappeared for a long time.

– Yes, I'm fatness. – said Misha, holding his hand for a thick layer of fat on his stomach.

– You too, Denis. – he continued, gently fixing a finger in his belly.

Finger slowly began to press on the surface, moving farther into the fatty deposits of the interlocutor, which triggered a response from Denis in a couple of seconds, which did not surprise me too much. I also lifted my shirt and showed my belly to two new acquaintances, who at once looked at him with their eyes and switched that a little embarrassment confused me.

– How long did your stomach grow? – Misha asked, stuffing a chocolate in his mouth.

– That year. Finally in the hot summer on holiday he swam. – I answered.

– I also. – said Misha. – Over the summer five kilograms of extra scored. Will you clean up your stomach? Do you play sports? Continued Misha's questioning.

– No, laziness to me. – I answered. – I will not.  And you?

– No, probably: I'm already very unaccustomed to the loads, it will be hard for me, and after all, I'm normal without sports. I feel great!

– I too will not! – put in the word Denis. – And how many times do you press?

– Twenty five. – I gave the answer. – And you?

– As many. – answered Denis.

– Damn, you and you weaklings: even I can do thirty-five! – said Misha.

Further we measured biceps, which only Misha still had a relative firmness, and Denis and I were soft and weak, overgrown with fat; next we stand tired, sitting on the windowsill, and then deciding to see who has the belly folds better: all three of us fat formed three thick fat folds, which Denis was all fuller. After that we left the lavatory, which in modern schools serves many conversations for many more than for the dispatch of natural needs. Next, I, perhaps, should describe the conflict between me and Gleb, but before that I am obliged to you more reliably describe this comrade, which in many cases still causes only negative emotions.

Gleb was already a man of almost two meters height, weighing more than sixty pounds, with very large and strong legs, a hare's lip, ugly, unlike some representatives, with puffy cheeks, a rustic bang [Rustic bangs – as in Russia called ugly straight bangs, which we considered a sign of uneducated country person; in the Russian Empire these the bangs worn by a prostitute.], bulging eyes that looked as if  he was always scared to death, as well as a completely rude mind.  His speech was rather strange and completely disgusting to me at that time, for I was accustomed to this kind of explanation of thoughts, as is done in this work, but onlytransferred to the oral form. I had to start talking about the physical form in the first place, and about the way of life in the second – these two topics, in the broadest interpretation, most troubled the minds of my generation, followed by right and left politics, and only later everything else.

Once again, Denis blamed himself for his vices, which he himself admitted, eating a sweet roll with poppy seeds (not opium), washing it down with sweet, sparkling water, for this man, accustomed to such a situation since childhood, did not care that his own friends discussed it with him in the most unpleasant details. After making a few more expressions about Denis, and finally noticing that in the appropriate physical form was not only him, but Misha and Gleb, who just as willingly ate confectionery, did not fail to remind them about it. Misha was at all times a convinced conformist, for which I sincerely appreciated his wisdom, though uncomplicated, but still very effective, and therefore he patted himself on the protruding belly, agreed, while still chewing, while Gleb reacted completely  it is inadequate, as if the director of the 710-th school, who hadread us a speech about «cattle» and «personalities» in response to a request to be received: he began to attack me with a message, as if I myself am.Despite the fact that Gleb was right to a very great extent, he nevertheless very quickly began to pronounce frank delusions, stating that my mother was a prostitute and alcoholic, that I was a sadistic serial killer, etc. In response, I composed a police and quite disgusting for Gleb's libel in verse, which he wished not to quote, although there were no abusive expressions in him, which had such an evil reaction that I could hardly resist the hot hand of my offender. To complain, however, I did not run, but the latter, saying that I attacked him and almost demanded his closeness, which gave rise to my first public conflict in this institution.

Chapter three.

Full-fledged acquaintance with the collective.

All the time of the first weeks I got acquainted with the collective that was given to me by determinism, honestly trying to find common ground with him for further friendship, although this was not always possible. Perhaps, now I will present you portraits of the bigger part of my class, especially that part of it that I did at least for the further development of events, starting, of course, with a more detailed description of what is already known.

Denis was from the family that is currently in divorce, besides his «former» father – the coach of thesports hall [So in Russia called fitness clubs.], and the present – the engineer, which in some way and the son itself was reflected; but this also gave rise to the very often repeated joke of our wits, concerning «the two fathers of Denis»,and that he supposedly «is like everything in Hollan» [In Russia people associate the Netherlands with non-traditional sexual relations and hemp more than other countries.]. Denis always came in school uniform to school, although his attitude to it was more than critical, which, as I found out later, had a very serious basis, but about them later.

Since this individual was a lover of entertainment, sitting up to the deepest night, being carried away by the game or some other matter, he often woke up at eight o'clock in the morning, regularly on lessons late.

Tie in our school, almost no one wore, because we only had permission to dispose of the state treasury, a hideous color in the cage, which it was disgusting to take into hands, and so everyone preferred to give it up. Denis's appearance should also be described in more detail: he was a swarthy boy with puffy cheeks, a straight and very large nose, deep-set eyes of a gray color, powerful eyebrows, a small, almost imperceptible chin, so characteristic of the entire Slavic race, not pronouncedlips, not  too high forehead. Denis, in addition to his jacket, always put on his chubby, betraying his broad-bonedness, a huge clock, which in his way hindered him, especially in physical education, which he too with great dexterity missed.

Misha turned out to be a man of a somewhat different kind, much more diligent in teaching, pliable, never materable, and, moreover, a great idler in matters of physical education, than he was similar to Denis. He was short, rather puffy, with weak thin arms and tummy, with black hair framed in a hair-like «like Hitler», which caused constant talk of the appropriate nature. Misha dressed in his usual uniform without a jacket, did not miss classes, was not balabol [Сhatterbox], like Denis, who talked incessantly, did not suffer too much shyness, shown by Denis sometimes, being smarter than that.

Gleb seemed to me a man so uninteresting that I did not want to write anything about him, except that all his interests were concentrated on rowing and did not go beyond that, so he did not show interest.

Marina Brinyushina was the next person who influenced the course of the plot at that stage because she was a model girl and very purposeful. She often taught us, while doing herself a lot of additional lessons, which burdened her on the shoulders and caused the age-old nervousness, so hampering all of us; with her I still have a conflict.

The most interesting character was Antonina Bozhenko, whose name, if successful, was produced into a nominal title, for this person was so unusual that it should be written about a separate novel – no less, so much she was special.

Sonia Barnash was a chubby, chubby girl with blue eyes and a snub nose, very pale and pretty angry, and to all this – also disobedient to the teachers.

There were Said Ismanov, Sasha Ryabikina, Nastya Kuznetsova, and similar persons, who completely depended on Tony, who were her servants, although they will be discussed below. These people constantly complained about me and other people, they plotted, hated, scandalized, managed to succeed in their studies very much, which is especially true of Uzbek Saida, the owner of the higher ball in Russian language during the examination of theGSE [General state exam (Russian:Общий государственный экзамен) is a mandatory exam, which is written in the Russian students after the ninth grade of school (in Russia 11 classes). At the specified time, the exam consisted of the Russian language, mathematics and two subjects that the student must chooses.]. Then we, however, were in the sixth grade, and she deserved the evaluation in the ninth, honestly working the days and nights over it without any jokes: this man really knew our language very well.

There was also Julia Avvakumova – a very expressive person, a dancer who was extremely thin, but then fattened to quite decent and kind size; scandals I had with her a lot, and most of them I'll bring here. We also had Sveta Solntseva [Name it though not fictional, but it should be interesting to the reader: the name «Sveta» comes from the word «svet»(light), and last name Solntseva from the word «Solntse» (the Sun).] –one of the few people who treated me decently, engaged in music and other arts, and therefore educated and beloved; many words will be said in this book.

We also had people who had almost no influence on the development of the situation in the school, and therefore the characteristics and not received – they will be mentioned here, but the importance of tends to zero, the characters they are episodic.

Chapter four.

The first lesson of physical education.

People of the West do not understand well the fact that in our state physical culture in schools is taught on an equal footing with other subjects, they do not understand the reasons for such attention to it.

At my school in 737 in Moscow, the situation was «above average» in Russia: physical education there was taught with such zeal that we were often photographed from other lessons for her, and all thanks to a very creative teacher – Julia Nikolaevna. She was a short and very fat woman who, nevertheless, did not lose her agility, while being the only person who knew how to mint the ball with a belly, from those who I knew. She was very fond of public attention, and therefore developed a variety of scenes with dances and songs, then forced us to play them, shoot the received on a television camera, spread on the Internet, and then received prizes for our work at all competitions.  You will read about my uprisings against this kind of exploitation even lower, for I did not immediately realize that here they are engaged not in real physical education, but in preparing for performances for the benefit of Yulia Nikolayevna. [In the Russian municipalities are constantly held competitions among students for the best song, best dance, etc.]

Now, however, I must describe the preparation for this lesson, and this lesson itself in all the most unexpected details, and not the general state of affairs in the whole sphere, and therefore I will proceed to the immediate work, comrades.

The first lesson of physical education was held on the second day of my stay at the school; all the action began in a well-known way: after the call, we, divided into boys and girls, went to their dressing rooms in order to prepare for the physical education properly. [After the Russian government made in all schools for three lessons of physical education in all classrooms, dressing rooms and gyms are almost always packed with people.]

Since Gleb was delayed, giving us all an incredible joy, only me, Misha and Denis entered the locker room; I and Misha immediately began to change clothes, while Denis collapsed on the bench and took his very tight snack from the backpack, preparing for a long pleasure, because it was supposed to organize two lessons of physical training in a row.

– Are you going to gymnastics? – Misha Denis asked, taking off his vest.

– No, I have a certificate that I can not. – Denis said, sending the first chocolate bar into his mouth.

– D-e-e-e-nis! – Misha whined, his face twisting in annoyance.

– What? – Denis asked with deliberate indifference, continuing to chew.

– You promised... – Misha said with unconcealed regret.

– Well, Misha… – Denis answered in the same tone, continuing to eat. – I do not want to fizru. Let's rest!

– Look how you let yourself go! – said with irritation Misha, poking Denis into his soft protruding belly.

– Yes, I would look at myself! – Denis almost shouted, poking Misha there.

– Marat, tell him! – said Misha to me, hoping for support.

At that moment I had already changed from my trousers to shorts and removed my shirt, but I had not yet put on my sports shirt, so I went up to Denis with a naked torso, poked it with my finger in the belly and said: «Misha is right, Denis: you really have extra fat.».

«By the way, you too!» – answered Denis, pointing at my belly, rather round and soft, as, however, and all present.  Further our conversation was interrupted by a mob of savage barbarians, who entered the locker room, consisting of representatives of the fifth class «B» [In Russia each class will be assigned not only the number, also a specific letter, though until recently the classes «A» was the best, class «B» – worse, etc.] – the most reactionary part of the then students of our glorious institution. Within a few seconds we heard the abominable abusive abuse that came from the mouths of these unpleasant personalities, with whom, in truth, we were not really considered then, which was understandable given their poormoral and intellectual level. People were at that time a completely low-lying state, which I, and some other enlighteners, managed to finally raise to a more tolerable, and often even very significant, level, but all this will happen in future times. In the meantime, we, that is me, Misha and the belated Gleb, although staying in the rather reactionary roar of reactionaries, changed their clothes and went out into the cold gym filled with fresh air, lining up with the girls on the line.

Perhaps, if a descendant or a foreigner does not understand what I am talking about now, I must explain to him that in Russian schools of my century children in front of physical education were built in one rank by their height for discipline. It turned out that the hall will be divided between us and the fifth class, and if in the latter we will be leading our best physical education teacher – Comrade Moskalenko, who started the service even under the young years of Brezhnev [1960-1970-th years.], then we will have Julia Nikolayevna, and therefore the lessons will differ radically. The lesson of Moskalenko always resembled the training of special forces, and therefore was much more useful for its participants, while the teacher himself was simply adored, although he was quite strict, while the occupation of Yulia Nikolaevna resembled a dance section, which, in essence  , and was in a veiled form. While the fifth class was engaged in push-ups, swings of abdominal muscles, squats, etc., we learned a new dance for another stupid sketch that was to be presented one of the contests of this kind of folk art. Since we do not need to perform routine movements for the sketch, in which we boys will not have to participate, we very soon sat down on the bench and began our conversation about the state of affairs in Russian education.

– And here it is always, or is this situation ordinary for you? – asked Misha.

– We always have physical education: the girls prepare a room, and we sit and do nothing. – Misha answered dryly, taking out the phone and starting the game.

Since I have never played computer games, and I'm not going to do that, I was left only with the opportunity to think about the state of affairs here and generally in the world;  I thought a little about the philosophy of Nietzsche.

The lesson was very soon over, so we went to a change, after which another one was waiting for us, but then Moskalenko saw us, who thought it necessary to tell Misha how much he lost his sporting form over the summer, turning into a plump lazy,  words and me, after which we went out into the corridor. There, Denis has already collapsed on a bench, eating a pack of chips, looking at us like idiots who went to a completely useless business while laughing at our stupid state. The second lesson was absolutely in the same rhythm, although from it I extracted a few valuable for the satirical book of the moments. Our physical education teacher resembled such a character of a well-known book and the cartoon film of the same name, like Humorist U[Humorist U – one of the main characters of the novel of the Soviet and Russian science-fiction writer Kir Bulychev (1934-2003) «Alice's Journey». The novel enjoyed enormous success in adolescents of the USSR, and therefore in 1981 based on it was filmed cartoon «Mystery of the third planet». Humorist U is a very thick and cunning pirate, featuring the incredible meanness.], almost completely repeating his habits and even the manner of clothing. Julia Nikolayevna always wore only tight things, having at the same time a weight of more than one hundred and fifty kilograms, with an increase of about 160 cm, which made her especially amusing, especially at the moment of dancing. She was constantly yelling: «We move our asses, girls, move!».

While shaking with her huge body, shaking like a jelly, but for a moment never stopping to move and reproach the girls for their laziness and, what was especially funny, imaginary fullness. For a long time, especially thanks to the insignificant dances of Yulia Nikolaevna, in our school there was a song among the children «I'm a rocket» [This is an extremely stupid Russian pop-song that in our country only listen to stupid teenage girls.], so mediocre and vile to my ear that I spent a lot of time to teach my fellow citizens the correct and melodic marches and songs of Hitlerjugend and Pioneeria [Pioneeria – is the popular name of the main children's organization of the Soviet Union under the Communist party, which was officially called the all-Union Leninist Communist Union of youth (Всесоюзный ленинский коммунистический союз молодежи – ВЛКСМ). The organization itself was divided into three stages: October-children (the youngest children); the Pioneers (children of teenage age) and Komsomol (young men). The organization left a lot of good combatant of songs that are very reminiscent of songs of the Hitler youth and simular organizations in Spain and Italy.], in any way, however, without trying to balance them.

So we, actually, most of the time and sat without any cause, while the girls were doing physical exercises after the lessons, and so all the boys of our class swam fat, doing nothing and weaning from physical exertion. I remember that back in early September, we had a couple of lessons on the street, where we also sat on the bench in the same way and did nothing, enjoying the last warm rays of the sun from year to year.I began to grumble again that we boys were deprived of physical education, to which Denis replied: «What do not you like? Living with us – аt least where: sit on a bench, grow your ass!».

Chapter five.

The first lesson of social studies.

[In Russia in all grades from the fifth to the eleventh obligatory social studies (Обществознание), the program which consists of scraps of various humanitarian Art's and represents something completely unintelligible.Students typically do not take this subject seriously, and adults it is often criticized that the textbooks are very often found absolutely wild delirium.]

On this episode, which determined all my further existence in the school institution, I should stop looking more closely and denser, for it is interesting in itself, and is closely connected with others, and here is an impressive part of my philosophical and political program. It is necessary first to say to which remarkable person was entrusted the management of this and some other subjects in my class, and how much this person influenced the formation of my views from all sides.

Sergei Aleksandrovich was the most righteous man of the ultra-right, right asthe black-hundred views [The black hundreds were called members of the Russian right-wing organizations in the early 20-th century; these organizations was based on the idea of an Orthodox Christian fundamentalism, monarchism and authoritarianism. Often called the black hundreds and the modern right-wing Christian and monarchist orientation; the latter Sergei Alexandrovich and owned.], while preserving all the virtues of pluralistic thinking, which made him so beloved by many of us; in fact, all the historians known to me before and after him, held the views of similar, though sometimes not so radical.

Sergei Alexandrovich was a lean and gray-haired man of fifty, observing all the rules of a healthy lifestyle, with a very expressive look and fine features that always came to school wearing black trousers and a black shirt. He led us history, social studies, safety [Safety or BLS (Basics of life safety) – is a full-fledged subject of the Russian school, in which examines how to escape in case of emergency, how to provide first aid, as well as the basics of military training like the ability to keep a Kalashnikov etc.], labor [Labour or technology – is one such subject of the Russian school, where boys are taught wood and metal, and for girls – sewing and cooking.], sometimes replaced the teacher at the lesson of physical education and the Russian language, being a citizen of encyclopaedic knowledge; related to it will be and many more interesting moments of this book, but so far we will move on to the urgent business. Numerous points of view sounded in his lessons, and he especially loved when these points were the points of conspiracy theory, since he himself respected such theories.

At the same time, my final ideological position was forming, and that position was extremely unusual for the place and time, although it had it’s justification. I had a special hatred of the tradition at school, which constantly led to unsanitary conditions, to detachment from the educational process and other unpleasant things, which I decided to exterminate with my rhetorical art, then still an idealist, which I now repent and confess. The view, however, regarding gluttony within the walls of the school, and indeed, I have not changed, despite my complete turn in some sections of philosophy, and therefore I confirm that everything said in this speech expresses my position both now and then, too. I will report on some of the sensations that I have voiced in his lessons, but for the time being I'll bring the very speech I read in my first lesson in social studies, and which created a grand scandal in our little Bohemia:

«I, Marat Nigmatulin Vladislavovich, the honorable citizen of our glorious Fatherland, I must tell you about the lawlessness that is being made in this institution. Contrary to the covenants of our glorious Lord and Sovereign, many of my fellow citizens are liable to the still corrupting influence of the very decomposing substratum – sinful food! Despite the religious and secular prohibition issued by our God and the head of the district educational department regarding the ban on food in schools, accordingly, many of us do not keep this commandment!  Many of our fellow citizens, including those present here, even at the Great Lent eat, – scary to say, – sausage! I can not even imagine what our great sages would say to this, who taught us all a righteous and blissful life: Vladimir Lenin, IoannKronstadtsky [Ioann Kronstadtsky or «John of Kronstadt» (1829-1908) – a famous Russian saint, a former priest in the town of Kronstadt near St. Petersburg, who was famous for his far-right views.] and others. No wonder the great saint used to say to all ignoramuses: «I saw two pigs alive in the dream before the morning, covered with dough, as they do before Easter –on Great Friday or Saturday. These pigs are you, – the glutton.». He was absolutely right, speaking about our today's youth, that he has absolutely no conception of spirituality! You can not even imagine how disgustingly and disgustingly you look before the president, standing at the walls, burying themselves in their phones, while gnawing aki pigs! Any worthy husband and citizen will have a heart attack at a time when he, with unaccustomedness, will see such disgrace, because it's just an abomination somehow. Do insignificant atheists do not understand that they insult the graves of our best compatriots, whose spirit imbues the school, do not see that gluttony in school is as dangerous as fornication in the walls of church!? The geniuses are weeping, whose great works were exchanged for lascivious food brought from the barbarian lands of the west, but many are already beyond the crunch of them do not hear the call of conscience and ancestors. Not only that gluttony and constant eating of fatty, sharp, sweet and fried dishes leads to spiritual impoverishment, not giving the person time to contemplate the charm of the works of Berdyaev, so it also ruins his health! Do you not understand that the most precious, given to you by nature, your mind, can be buried behind the huge quantity of grub, which you stuff your belly to the brink daily!? Cutting your own life with sausage, you shorten the time to study the works of the Great, thereby losing the chance to achieve a wise state! All of them are exposed to the corrupting influence of the West through food, which already causes our management to fear more than your consumption of drugs. How dare you eat, Dennis, when your country dies?! To each of you I want to say that it's time to finish this business, in order to move to a righteous and meaningful life. Repent, I tell you! Repent before the Fathers before it's too late! Since this problem should find a solution, I submit my proposal on this issue, which consists in imposing criminal punishment for gluttony. It is criminal punishment that will solve this problem, like many others! The police club will shake the crap out of your heads, and the grub of your stomachs!  Long live the criminal punishment for gluttony – the ugliest of vices!».

To all jokers, wits, and other representatives of Scandinavian mythology, I want to remind you that I spoke all this at the fullest level of seriousness and with knowledge, and therefore I do not recommend laughing. Of course, what kind of reaction followed this whole affair, and also what a festive scandal happened about it, I should not say. Of course, everyone cursed and demanded to lynch me on the spot, which they would have been able to put into practice, if not for the intervention of our wonderful teacher who laughed, and then calmed down the class, said that all this is true, and our class deserved such a  relationship.

After the end of the lesson and the exit of my class for a change, Marina Brinyushina came up to me, who dared to say: «Do you want us not to eat?! Doyou want us to starve to death?! Answer me, shit, when I'm talking to you!». Many others picked up this call, becoming like a herd of baboons, which, nevertheless, continued until the moment when I replied: «Ah, the corowushka!» [The corowushka – a diminutive version of the word «cow».]. Turning to her the fifth point, and then, turning away, withdrew. This, of course, triggered a response, which was very painful for my lower place, which, however, was only a prelude to the more frightful car on the part of the pedagogical staff. Until then, after leaving the class of social studies, I went to our lavatory, where I washed my hands, but after that I also happened to meet two very noble people who will do much for me afterwards.

Chapter six.

Yarik and Rustik.

[Yarik and Rustik is a diminutive form of the official names: Yaroslav and Rustem. In general, this is the diminutive form of words in the Russian language is very common.] There, by that time, Yaroslav Yukhanov and Rustem, whose name I do not remember, which is not very important, conducted their dialogue, for in the book you will not meet them too often, mostly in the stories and projects, accomplishments and slogans of Antonina Bozhenko. Of course, I am obliged to describe for you their outer and inner world, which was to some extent interesting and original for our world, and also it is obliged to say about their social situation in our internal school system. In our school, this international duo of Russian and Caucasian [Yaroslav – was Russian by nationality, Rustem – Chechen.] performed the functions of documentaries and reporters for school media, all controlled by Antonina Bozhenko, like the «Journal of the Patriotic Schoolboy» and others, which will be discussed further. I must convey the words of gratitude to these citizens, since so many of my speeches and antics, forgotten even by myself, but very important for history, were preserved only and exclusively thanks to their cameras that captured our entire school life in all its subtleties.