Текст книги "Slow Twitch"

Автор книги: Лиз Реинхардт

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

For one insane minute I pulled my hips back and up and we were almost ready. Then I opened my eyes. There was Brenna’s face, her eyes bright and wide and completely trusting. Trusting me.

I wasn’t ready to be that guy. I wasn’t ready to hold all of that in my hands. I slid down along her body, my mouth a little hard and hungry on her, because I did feel regret, and in the back of my head I knew if we just pushed forward and did this, it would be done and we would wind up doing it a lot more and it would probably all be fine. But I wasn’t there yet. And she sure as hell didn’t need to be.

I could feel her body humming, with what, I didn’t know for sure. I could imagine she was disappointed that I hadn’t just gone for it. I also hoped that she wanted to do more with me, even if it wasn’t sex.

I kept kissing down along where her hips jutted out and down farther along the tops of her thighs. We had never really been like this, completely naked, completely alone together. I kissed down her thighs, moved my hand along the inside and slid my fingers into her. She was really wet, and I couldn’t say that I didn’t imagine how good it would have been if we had just done it. I thought about being inside of her while I kissed and touched her. Maybe I should have told her that I thought about that all the time. It was just a hard topic to bring up, and I was never great with words anyway.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want sex with her; it was actually the scary reality of the fact that I wanted sex with her way too much, so much I had no control over it, that stopped me.

Or slowed me down. Because no one could really define what we were doing as “stopped.”

I kissed her legs and lower, until my mouth was right on her. I loved it. I loved the smell of her and the way she tasted. I loved being right there when she came. It was a matter of pride for me that I could make her body feel good like that. And I didn’t have to feel guilty about it; it was just me giving her a good time. Of course, I enjoyed it, but she didn’t have to do a thing to me. It was safe.

So I licked her and buried my face in her and sucked and kissed until I could feel her bucking like crazy, and then she went rigid and cried out in the stale, dark interior of the boat cabin. I laid my cheek on her thigh and watched her ribs expand and contract with the rush of air in and out of her lungs. Finally she sat up on her elbows and looked at me. She smiled a little.

“Thanks.” Her face was all glowy and her smile was big, wide, and all for me.

“No problem. At all.” Sweet goodness flooded through me.

“I want something,” she said quietly. She sat up and patted the bed next to her. I moved over by her, basically willing to do whatever.

Because I was pretty sure she wouldn’t ask for sex, which was my only real hang-up.

“You want something else?” I teased, kissing her nose. “You’re never satisfied, are you?”

“Nope.” She pushed me back with one hand flat on my chest. “Lay back.”

“Why?” I couldn’t break from smiling at her. Man, she was so beautiful, and there was something about knowing her so completely and knowing that she was mine that made her even more attractive to me.

She slid down my body, kissing me so softly it was just barely this subtle, ticklish feeling. Those kisses along with her soft hair brushing over my skin made me feel like every nerve in my body was on edge. Then her mouth was below my waist, and I sat up fast.

I had been so relaxed from seeing her satisfied that I never put it together; she was going to give me what I had given her. I was about to get head.

And I didn’t want it.

I mean, I wanted it.

But I couldn’t do it.

“Brenna, no.” I pulled back.

“Why?” she demanded, her eyes all fiery and angry.

“Because it’s too fast.”

“You’ve done it to me a few times now.” She moved back toward me.

“But it’s not the same.” I reached deep into my brain for a logical argument. Brenna responded to logic. Unfortunately, logic wasn’t always my strong suit. Especially when I didn’t have my pants on.

“You got tested.” Her voice was like the voice of the smart girls in debate club. Uh-oh. “You can’t give me an STD.”

“I know that.” I had gotten a full round of testing about a year after my wild days were over. And I was damn lucky that what I had picked up could be treated with antibiotics. I thought about it a lot; how my stupid, meaningless sex with girls I couldn’t even remember could have messed my health and my future sex life up for good.

“I want to,” she said, her voice insistent, her eyes serious. “I mean, I’ll probably suck, no pun intended. But I want to be part of this too. I don’t want to just sit and let you be the only one doing anything. I want to make you happy, Jake.”

“You do.” I grabbed her shoulders. “You really do. So don’t worry about doing more.”

She sighed. “It also turns me on to do things to you. In a different way, but I love it. You’re not being fair to me. I mean, I know you did this before with girls you didn’t love, so why am I off limits?” Her eyes looked hurt and a little embarrassed.

I hated that.

“It’s not what you think, Bren.” I raked a hand through my hair. Then I made my weird confession. “I never did. This.”

Her eyes went from squinted with embarrassed to wide open and completely pleased. “You’ve never gotten head?”

“No.” I felt my skin go hot around my neck and ears. “I told you, Bren. Mostly just drunken sex. Nothing good leading up. Nothing really good about it.”

“Then I guess you might be nervous,” she said, and looked like she was thinking.

Which seemed like an innocent thing, but there was nothing more dangerous than my girlfriend using her brain to get what she wanted. As smoking hot as Brenna was, it was her brain that was so freakishly incredible. I kind of knew I’d lost the fight right then and there.

Not that I had that many complaints. Seriously.

“Yeah, I’m nervous. And it makes me a little uncomfortable, I guess.”

She grinned now, sure of her next couple moves. “It feels like you don’t have control, right, Jake?” I nodded. “It feels like the whole thing is focused on you, and that’s kind of weird and uncomfortable, right?” I nodded again. She pushed me back with a gleeful shove. “I don’t get to do much with you that you didn’t do before.” Now her voice was kind of low and sexy and I was pretty helpless. “So, do this for me. Okay?”

And in the history of the world, I don’t think any guy could have taken that brilliant request and said no unless he was a complete idiot. I was about to get the most rewarding sexual experience of my life. What was there to argue?

But Brenna didn’t wait to see if I was going to argue anyway. She moved her mouth down along my body with those soft little kisses. And then she made it all the way down.

For a minute, I could feel her warm breath against me. I guess it was a little overwhelming. And I had no advice to give her, which was annoying. She opened her mouth and all I felt was the hot, wet slide of her along me and all around me.

I swallowed hard and grabbed at the sheets. My mind cracked open and every sexy, hot, unimaginable thing I had ever hoped to do with Brenna raced through to torture me. I had to go blank. I couldn’t tell if she was moving awkwardly or not; it felt perfect. I didn’t know if I had ever had the feeling like I was the sole focus of someone else, like the world was revolving around me alone for a little while. For a few minutes I was suspended in that weirdly excellent nothing, but my curiosity finally got the better of me.

I sat up a little and saw her and that was pretty much the biggest mistake that I could have made. I never imagined it would be possible to get more turned on than I was, but seeing her blew my mind. And then it was all shot to shit. My brain jumped and crashed, and I fell back on the bed hard and just let go of everything. I never imagined anything could feel so good.

She wiggled up next to me and smiled triumphantly. “Was it okay?”

I couldn’t think of what to say. I couldn’t think period. “Holy fucking hell,” I said. I put my arms around Brenna and held her. My girlfriend. My wildly sexy, way-too-good-for-me, incredible girlfriend.

“So it was good?” she pressed.

“It was unbelievable.” I sat up to looked right at her. I had to look at her, because I wanted her to know just by seeing my face how intensely I felt this. “You are so sexy, I can’t even describe it. I’ve never felt like that before. Ever.”

She grinned. “I’m glad you liked it.”

And it would have been pretty awesome to just lay like that for a few more minutes, just wrapped around each other. But we heard the door of the garage smash open and voices bounced off of the aluminum walls and down into our little private place.

Brenna scrambled into her clothes, and, as preoccupied as I was with getting dressed myself, I still took a minute to just enjoy her, how she looked and how much I loved just being around her.

“Who’s in here?” she whispered.

I shrugged. “It’s been a little while. Everyone who went to the beach is probably trashed by now. They won’t even notice us.”

She bit at her lips nervously.

“Don’t be nervous, Bren. You have nothing to worry about, okay?” I put a hand up to her face and ran my thumb over her cheek.

“Jake!” a girl’s voice called. “Jake Maclean! Come out, come out wherever you are!”

It was slurred but identifiable. Caroline.

“That’s Caroline again?” Brenna’s brows knit.

“She’s been pretty obnoxious since the whole drowning thing,” I grated out.

Brenna had pointed out when girls hit on me dozens of times when we went out, but I’d never paid it any attention. I knew girls thought I was good looking, but I’d had my fill of mindless one-night stands. I knew damn well how amazing Brenna was, and I wasn’t about to let it get out of hand with this girl.

“I’ll take care of it.” I climbed up on the deck. “What do you want?” I asked, not keeping any of the aggravation out of my voice.

“Hey there.” She staggered just a little. Bryce was right there to catch her, but she shook his hand off of her arm. “Come to the beach with us. Now.” She smiled, a clearly drunk smile.

“No thanks.” I worked hard to keep my voice even and controlled.

She laughed. “Oh, you and Brennaare going to be hanging out?” she said snidely. “It’s a little sad, isn’t it, Jake? You should have seen her, all over Saxon. You know what? They make sense together, Jake. Because you’re…stop it Bryce!” she yelled, slapping at Bryce and making hard, flailing contact with his face and shoulders. “Because you’re just some fun. You’re just some good-looking fun. She’ll never really bewith you. So why not just enjoy a little? Shut up Bryce!” Bryce had her arm and was tugging at her, but she wasn’t about to give up.

I had planned to just take care of the whole Caroline thing, but what she said was pretty much what I lived in fear of all of the time.

That Brenna would wake up and realize that she and I weren’t the same.

That she could do better.

Not that I thought Saxon was better, but there was better. Than me. And this girl was a drunk bitch, but that didn’t make what she was saying less true.

She laughed, a mean, high sound. “And your ‘relationship’? I mean, if you want to make out and skinny dip with random people, just be single, right?”

It never failed to amaze me how a moment of complete perfection could get so royally fucked in the matter of a few minutes.

But it wasn’t me who wound up taking care of it at all. It was Brenna.

“Get out, now.” She stood, all of a sudden, at my side. “I know this is hard for you to hear, Caroline, but no one wants you around. No one. At all.”

Caroline sneered at her and stumbled.

“You know I’m right,” she slurred, but Brenna was intimidating when she wanted to be. She was sober, beautiful, and looked pretty damn fierce.

“You might be right. But I’m also right. About the fact that you’re a nasty, mean, asshole. No one wants you around but Bryce. If I were you, I would take what I could get. Bryce, take her out now.” Brenna switched her gaze to Bryce and it was so focused and in-control, he couldn’t say no.

He nodded.

“You’re the asshole!” Caroline screeched. “You think you’re so uppity? You and your mother! You’re just little sluts who clawed their way up where you don’t belong.”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Brenna move so fast. She looked kind of shaky, but she was off the boat and down to Caroline, who was being pulled out by Bryce so fast he was dragging her. Brenna made it to her, pulled her arm back, and full-on smacked Caroline across the face.

It was a hell of a slap. Caroline’s head snapped over and there was the red print of Brenna’s hand across her whole face.

“Say what you want about me,” Brenna said, looking straight into Caroline’s face. “Don’t you dare talk about my mother.”

I was right behind Brenna now, and I boxed myself around her, because Caroline’s beery mind was putting it all together and she finally, suddenly snapped and went at Brenna all sharp fingernails and flailing arms. Luckily, I moved Brenna back the same time Bryce pulled Caroline away.

We listened to her scream and cry all the way back to the beach.

I looked at Brenna. “Wow.” I shook my head. “I didn’t see that coming, Bren. You’re scary.” I pressed her hair back from her sweaty face and smiled at her.

Brenna burst into tears. She sobbed and shook, and I could only wrap my arms around her and shush her. “Please don’t cry,” I begged. “Please relax, baby. Don’t cry.”

“I hate it here! I hate them!” she sobbed into my shirt.

“I know.” I ran a hand down her hair. “I hate them, too.”

Hated them.

And was them.

Much as I hated that.

  Chapter Seven

Brenna

“Evan?” I stalked over to the window of my ridiculous sea-shell-themed guest room and waited, lip bit between my teeth, for the voice that was like sweet syrup to the snow-cone of my loneliness.

“Brenna!” It was just her voice and my name, but it made the whole world shine brighter for a minute. “I have missed the hell outta you, girl.”

I twisted the blue and ivory embroidered seashell curtains between my fingers and let them go. “I think your accent got stronger.”

“Well, that makes sense. It’s the height of summer in the south of Georgia. You could cook a pot of gumbo by leaving it on the porch with the lid on, as my gramma would say. But we have central air, sweetheart. The best in the world. Come see me, and I’ll put the temperature all the way down to sixty-six, just for you.” I could hear the funny bend of her words that came from talking while her mouth was stretched too wide.

“I want to. I will. I promise. Are you going out?” I heard her press and smack her lips, and I tried to imagine what color her lipstick was.

“I am, but don’t rush. I’m really in no mood to drive around with Rabin trying to find parking on River Street and worrying that his precious Vette is going to get scratched. Ugh, I hate that damn car. It’s such a balding-man-midlife-crisis car.” She sighed. “Plus that, I’ve been in withdrawal, and I need you! I love you! I can’t live without you!” I could picture her with the back of her hand on her forehead, and it made me giggle.

“I miss you, too, lovey. So, dinner with Rabin?” I didn’t say another word about it, but my tone communicated every kick-to-the-groin snag of anger I felt when I thought about him and the brutish, arrogant way he bossed Evan around.

“Don’t judge,” she pleaded. “There’s too much going on right now, and all of it is just the baby snowball that hardly started rolling down the mountain of crazy shit my daddy built. No one outside the family knows, but everything is about to crash down around our ears and Rabin…he’s complicated, but he’s something I know. And I need to just keep things the way they are right now. I can’t deal with another change.”

“Oh, Evan.” We had talked a few times about her family’s money problems, and the verdict seemed to be that they had only just begun. Evan had no idea how far it would spiral and if any piece of her life would still be intact after it was all over. “Is your mom still home?”

“Mama is Cabo bound. She did make up some bullshit excuse about needing a girls’ week with her nonexistent frenemies. Of course, her gigolo was all discreet and took a flight two days before hers.” Her breath shook when she pulled it in. “Look, if I don’t shut up about my sad-sack life, I’ll wind up hurling myself off my balcony. Tell me all about Jake’s family. Are they a nest of vampire vipers from hell, just like I guessed?”

I would have been happy to listen to Evan talk about her problems for hours, but she had already insisted there was way too much to process at the moment and promised she would spill her guts hardcore as soon as she was ready, so I didn’t press her for any more details, even though I wanted her to keep talking about what was wrong. I switched topics, as requested. “They’re awful. I’ve never felt so out of place in my whole life. And I feel like every single one of them looks down their nose at me.”

“They do,” she said with the blunt honesty I loved so much about her. “They look down their plastic noses at everyone else in the whole wide world. Don’t you dare let them treat you like shit. And stop feeling bad about slapping that drunk tramp across the face. She was asking for it, loud and clear. Do I have to stomp up there in my new stiletto boots? I sent you a pic of them, by the way. Are you in love?”

“So in love!” I gushed. “You need something short and tight, but kind of girly and soft to wear with them. Do you have anything like that?”

“I know exactly what would work.” I heard the clack of her shaking her nail polish container. “But I can’t wear it in this damn soupy heat. And I don’t think Rabin deserves it. But no more Rabin talk! He’s stricken from the record. Other than Jake’s insane family, is everything else alright? Did he climb into your window, Romeo style, after your little sexcapade on the boat and seal the deal?” She broke off from blowing on her nails to laugh at my silence. “Are you blushing, Ms. Blixen?”

“The answer is no. No to all your crazy questions.” I dug around in my makeup bag for my own container of polish. “It was hard enough to get him to go that far. He’s nervous.”

“They need to make a movie about the two of you. I swear to God, I bet he had a golden halo around his head. Does he sparkle?” she teased.

I switched the phone to my other ear and put one quick, slightly messy coat of silver polish on my toes. “He doesn’t. He’s just got a weird background in sex, you know?”

“I’m sorry did you say ‘weird’ or ‘extremely enormous’?” She crowed at her own dumb joke, and I could picture her tilting her head back as she laughed.

“Hardy har har.” I wiggled my toes and grabbed the Q-tips and nail polish remover so I could fix all my mistakes. I hear a loud, obnoxious car horn on her end.

“Good Lord almighty, I’m coming already!” Evan screamed, and I almost dropped the phone. “Sorry, sweets. My knight awaits.” Her voice was too grim to even be appropriately sarcastic.

“It’s okay. I promised Jake I’d chill with him down by the docks. Have fun, be careful, love you!” I hopped up and walked on the sides of my feet so I wouldn’t smear my still-wet polish.

“I will, Mama Bren. Love you!”

The connection clicked off, and I felt a moment of dread, wondering what her night and, eventually, her whole year would be like. I only knew Rabin based on what Evan told me, but he struck me as egotistical, mean, and shady. Not the shoulder to cry on she was going to need when shit hit the fan.

I kept thinking about her as I got ready to go to the docks with Jake. My first instinct was to tell my mother where I was headed, but her room was eerily empty. I held the doorframe a little too tight as I glanced in at her neat little space, her familiar things draped here and there. I missed her.

My mother had been pulled into this whole warped universe. Mama D took a liking to her, and dragged her on antiquing day trips and gallery openings. Those were things Mom and I would have totally done together in New Jersey. It was weird here, though.

Only really young kids hung out with their parents, and it was clear that they were just counting down the years until they were old enough to hang out at the beach and boathouse and pool and game rooms. Once they hit that magic puberty time, they only saw their parents for the big dinner we all had together.

I was shocked by how naturally Jake took to it all. Not that he liked it or wanted it. He was just cool with it. He was polite to the dozens of maids and cooks and gardeners scampering everywhere and polite to his family, but nothing really impressed him at all.

The way he’d grown up, I would have expected him to be a little more awed by it all.

We had been able to spend a lot of time together. A lot. The adults ran around and did what they wanted. Jake told me that this place was like a casino, and he was totally right. Or maybe it was like a big cruise ship, where everyone just did whatever and as long as everyone was having fun and laughing, no one questioned anything.

But I just couldn’t get into it.

It felt wrong and weird, and I felt, for the first time in my life, like I would never fit in. Like there was no way I could prove myself to these people. And it was strangely sucky. More so than I ever thought it would be.

I thought about it when I knocked on Jake’s door and kept thinking about it on the short walk to the lake. Jake and I were lying on the enormous dock that jutted over the glistening water. Alone. We were more alone than we would have been just by choice, because once I’d slapped Caroline, no one would speak to me anymore. She was pretty intimidating, and I had humiliated her.

I thought that one would feel better than it had, too, and even Evan’s insistence that I hadn’t done a single thing wrong didn’t make me feel any better.

“Does it bug you that everyone here has such a superiority complex?” I fanned my fingers over Jake’s face.

His eyes were closed, but I could tell that he wasn’t sleeping because he was playing with a straw of grass in his mouth, whirling it around and chewing on it. He spit it out and turned to look at me.

“No.” He put his hands under his head.

“That’s it?” I popped myself up on an elbow. “Just, ‘no’?”

“No, it doesn’t bug me.” He kissed me on the palm of my hand. “It’s exactly what I expected from them. ‘Cause they’re assholes, Bren.”

“Why are you here?” I hugged my legs tight to my chest and rested my chin on my knees.

“Because I get to be with you every single day. I don’t have to work for a little bit. That’s pretty much my idea of perfection.” He smiled and leaned his head against my legs. “Were you surprised by them?”

“Yeah.” I felt a little silly even admitting it. “I just kind of always fit in. I mean, I’ve had friends who had lots of money and friends who didn’t, and it’s never been this issue, you know? I always just got along fine. And here, I don’t.” Okay, so I downplayed it a little. It was way too embarrassing to admit how much it bothered me.

“It really bothers you, doesn’t it?” He grinned and chuckled, plucking a fresh piece of grass to gnaw on. “Why would you care? You’re ten times cooler and smarter than any of them.”

“I know!” I felt the sting of defensiveness shoot through my spine. “I’m just saying it’s weird, okay?”

He was quiet for a minute. He took the straw out of his mouth with his long, strong fingers and said, “Oh.”

Only it wasn’t just ‘ Oh,’ like ‘ Oh, I see.’ It was ‘ Oh’, like ‘ Oooooohhhh, it’s just become really clear to me, and I’m a little shocked by it.’

“What do you mean, ‘oh’?” I asked, and it was pretty clear that I was more than just a little irritated.

“You’re in the Kelly boat.” He took the blade of straw and drew it along my bare leg so slowly, I could see the trail of goosebumps startle on my skin.

“What’s the Kelly boat all about?” I leaned over to pop the brim of his cap up high enough that I could see his gray eyes, dancing with adorably obnoxious self-satisfaction.

“The Kelly boat is the boat for all of the losers and nobodies.” His handsome face cracked into a smile. “Everyone thinks they’re better than the people in the Kelly boat.” He shrugged and nestled his head against my legs until it fit right into my lap, then yawned. “You might not’ve had the chance to take a ride on the Kelly boat if you’d been a better ass-kisser.”

“What do you mean?” I pulled his cap off and stroked my fingers through his sun-gold hair. “Whose ass would I have kissed?”

“My phony grandmother’s. My drunk loser father’s. Slutty Caroline’s. There’s a big list of asses that really, truly think they deserve to be kissed.” He turned his face to my belly and kissed it with a warm, suctioned pop of his lips. “I love that you’re happy to be on the Kelly boat instead of an ass kisser on the Rich Bitch boat.” When I didn’t say anything, his voice dipped, low and nervous. “You arehappy to be on the Kelly boat, right?”

“Don’t you hate it that they think that? That they honestly think they’re better?” I demanded, my ears ringing from the pure, molten fury swirling through me.

Jake sat up and took my hands. “I’m kind of used to it.” He squinted in the sun and pulled his cap back down. “And it used to hurt. Because I thought everyone looked down on me, I guess. Then I met you. And you liked me for who I am. That’s a crazy thing, Brenna. Most people don’t bother with that shit, you know?”

I smiled a little. “Yeah, I do.” But, whoa, I really didn’t at all. I thought I got what it felt like to be Jake. But I had no clue. I hated it, and once again, Jake surprised me with his courage and resilience. As usual, he was unexpectedly incredible. “Hey,” I added, kissing him softly. “I like the Kelly Boat. I do.”

“Good. Because it’s actually kind of a pirate ship, and if you wanted to leave, you’d have to walk the plank.” He shook his head sadly. “Then I’d have to jump to your rescue, and we’d probably both get eaten.”

“By crocodiles?” I kissed him, my hands right on the soft brown hair that was spilling down his neck, overlong and a little golder in the lazy summer.

“If you want.” He kissed my neck. “I was thinking sharks. You’re always more creative.”

And then he was kissing me on the dock, his mouth nipping along my collarbone and down around the fabric of my bikini top. It was black with little red polka dots and bottoms that tied at the sides.

“Do you want to go back to the house?” I asked, my mouth down close to his ear as his lips wandered all over, making me crazy.

He stood and scooped me easily into his arms.

“You’re going to drop me,” I said, refusing to get all screechy and girlish. Even if his arms were bulgingly fantastic, and there was definitely a high, excited buzz working through me.

“Never.” He curled me to his chest a few times. “I’m getting weak from all of this luxury. I need to work out a little or Zinga’s will fire me.”

“Are they holding your job?” I tickled my fingers over his ribs until he stopped using me as an exercise device.

“Oh yeah.” He hefted me up closer to his chest as he navigated the tiny, brambly paths that led to his grandmother’s monstrous house. “The owner’s son came back from college for the summer, so they were kind of glad I took some time off so he could get my hours. But they’ll need me once he goes back.”

My next questions felt obvious, but Jake could be infuriatingly oblivious to the obvious. “So, you’re going to keep working? Even though you found your family?”

“I get an inheritance, but I can’t just live like a movie star.” He was at the door of the house. I reached over and twisted the knob. “I need to go to college someday and get a job and live with you. And, more importantly, I need to never, ever turn into a prick.”

“I won’t let you.” I squeezed his face in my hands and he smiled a squished-face smile. “I’ll make sure you stay in the Kelly Boat.”

He walked up the steps, which were so shiny I could practically see my reflection them. He opened my door and plopped me down on the bed.

“Thanks, Bren,” he said, falling next to me.

“For what?” I rolled into him.

“For helping me keep it real.” He grabbed me in his arms and hugged me hard. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad you’re here, too,” I said, and then we started kissing and couldn’t really stop. Or I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to, but Jake had taken a firm stand on sex, and he just said no, no matter how much I whined and pouted.

We got far enough that he grabbed a pillow and put it over his head so he could scream.

“Brenna, why are you doing this?” he asked, shaking his head.

“Because I think we should have sex. I feel ready, and I don’t know why you’re all reluctant about it.” I narrowed my eyes at his scowl. “I have condoms.”

“I don’t even want to know.” He blew a long, slow breath out. “I can’t. Not here. Not now.”

“But this might be the most free we’ll be, Jake. Once we get home, it won’t be like this.” I grabbed his face and gave him a hard kiss.

“This is weird.” He gestured around the room with a flippant toss of his hands.

“What’s weird? This room is beautiful.” It was. The furniture was all super old and gorgeous, the bed was the most comfortable thing I’d ever slept on, the art and knick knacks were high brow and a tiny bit ironic, and the light shined in through the huge, high windows in the prettiest golden waves.

He looked around, and I could see that his eyes weren’t seeing what I was seeing. “This is a room that was decorated by someone who doesn’t live here. It was all set up just to impress people. It doesn’t have any soul, doesn’t have anything real in it.” He let the words drop out of his mouth with slow, sad emphasis. “Doesn’t that make you sad? This is like a fucking fancy, phony showroom.” He sat up and yanked his jeans back over his hips. “I’m not having sex with you for the first time in this shithole.”

I shook my head. “I guess I see your point. Can’t we pretend it’s a nice hotel?” I suggested with my sweetest smile.

He shook his head. “Nope. This isn’t a real room. This isn’t our real life. I’m not doing it here, and that’s the end of it.”