Текст книги "Slow Twitch"

Автор книги: Лиз Реинхардт

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

Of all the fucking idiots that I might have to fight off for her, why my own dipshit brother?

I didn’t want to drive to my house. My bedroom had a lot of memories of Brenna, and I liked the memories that were there. So I just drove until I found a pretty deserted stretch of road. That wasn’t hard to find in Sussex County. I know I should have started reading right away, because I was slow as hell, so it was going to take a while. But I felt really alone for the first time in a while, and it felt good.

I thought about what Brenna said about me having a secret wild side. In the last few months I’d knocked three people out for her.

Or maybe she was right; maybe it had a lot less to do with her and a lot more to do with my own crap.

I wanted to leave all my bad shit behind. I wanted to be better. For Brenna and for me. But it wasn’t easy.

The couple of months when Saxon and I had run really crazy were not good months for me. We did whatever the fuck we wanted. If we wanted to drink, we drank. If we wanted to fight, we fought. If we wanted to screw, we screwed. We were just two idiot smartasses doing whatever dumbshit thing popped into our heads. It seemed like it should have been a teenage guy’s wet dream.

It wasn’t.

Now that I was with Brenna, I realized how depressing and lonely and phony the whole thing had been. I didn’t want that back. But if Brenna wasn’t in my life, I didn’t know if there was another alternative. She anchored me, and if what I read in the paper she wrote cut me loose, I had no idea where I’d head.

It was fucking terrifying.

Evan, Brenna’s friend who seemed crazy, but was actually pretty damn sensible, told me not to worry. She said some hippie-dippie shit about how she could see the truth in people when it came to love, and she believed Brenna and I would see it through. She’d been right about taking Bren out on my bike and showing her instead of explaining. I hoped she was right about this, too.

I picked up the paper, but the words were swimming, floating around, and mixing up, then blurring and pressing together. It was always bad, but it was a lot worse when I had crap pressing on my brain.

I started the truck and drove some more. I loved driving. Especially in the summer, especially in the late afternoon, when the sun hung low and the wind picked up a little, when it was a little cool and the air smelled damp and clean.

I didn’t have any idea where I was headed until I noticed that the country was gone and the lights of the city were replacing the lightning bugs blinking in the fields. Before I knew it, I was in Aunt Helene’s driveway. I held the steering wheel tight, not sure what I was going to do or why I was even there.

I didn’t really remember coming to this place. But I had. Saxon and I both had. And maybe I just trusted the fact that it was here for me to go to when I needed. It was a place where there was someone who understood that sometimes a guy needed a good cry and a meal. Maybe it was just because I’d been loved here when I was a kid, and the remnant of that love kind of stuck around.

I saw the front door swing open. “Jake? Is that you, love?” she called.

I opened the truck door and headed to the stairs. She was above me, the way she’d been with Saxon the other day, the step up making her feel taller, and mom-like. I didn’t have to say anything or ask anything. She just held her arms out for me and I stepped into them and held onto her for a few minutes.

And like a huge puss, I started crying. Soon I was blubbering like a baby, but she didn’t freak or tell me to stop or get embarrassed. Nothing.

She just let me pour it out.

“Shh, love. That’s okay.” Her voice was the kind people only use for babies and little kids. “You have a little cry if you need to. That’s a boy. You’re just fine.” Her voice was really calm and soft and good. She ran her hand over my hair over and over and her other hand patted my back while she held tight.

And when my bizarre tirade was done, she led me into the house and made me lay down on the couch. She put a cold washrag on my head and brought me tea and cookies and sat in a chair close to me.

She put her hand on my head, then flipped the washcloth over so the cool side was against my skin again. We were completely quiet for a few minutes.

“I’m really sorry,” I said finally, sniffling like a damn baby.

She clucked her tongue. “Hush. Sorry for what? I only hope you would come to me when you feel a little down. I’m happy to have you here.” She smiled, her tanned, wrinkled face so kind and sweet, I almost felt like bawling again.

Almost. I got a handle on myself.

“Brenna and I had a fight. Sort of,” I admitted.

She looked right at me and nodded.

And then it all spilled out. All of it. The dumb shit I had done in my past, the way Saxon and I had just stopped, that day that Brenna walked into my class and I just knew she was it for me, our breakup, our summer, my family, my stepdad. By the time I was done, the room was almost dark, and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I had never, ever been able to just spill everything like that before.

Aunt Helene patted my arm and clicked on a lamp. The light blinded me for a second. “You’re a smart boy, Jake. A good boy. I know that you’ll do what’s right. And Brenna is a good girl. But you need to let her grow and feel. And you need to do the same. Even if it hurts. Even if you have to let go of some things. Do you understand?”

I nodded. Even though I didn’t really understand. Because when I thought about letting go of Brenna, my mind just closed down. I didn’t even want to entertain the thought.

“She wrote this essay this summer. It’s going to be put in a collection. She wanted me to read it. She was afraid it would hurt my feelings.” I looked at Aunt Helene, pleading with her to give me an answer I could live with.

“It might hurt. If Brenna thinks it might hurt, it will. You have to be strong.” Her little wrinkled hand pressed on mine.

“I will.” I said it, but I didn’t mean it. I didn’t even want to read the damn thing.

At that crazy, embarrassing minute Saxon burst in, grabbed Aunt Helene around the waist and swung her up and around.

She laughed a dry, happy laugh, and he put her down gently and kissed her cheek. Then he saw me.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” he demanded.

Aunt Helene tried to shush him. I wished I were anywhere but there.

“Nothing. I was going.” I stood and felt around for my keys, but they’d slid out of my pocket and were buried in the couch cushions.

“No, no, no!” Aunt Helene said, her voice loud and a little angry. We both turned and stared. Aunt Helene never sounded anything but happy and sweet. “You are brothers. You need to tell him all this, Jake. Saxon will help you with this.”

Saxon? Saxon, my shithead, misfit, asshole brother? He must have seen the look on my face.

“No can do.” He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “I’m going out to see Cadence in a little while.”

“She will understand,” Aunt Helene growled. “Get the paper, Jake. You go figure this out. Now.”

I went out to the truck and seriously contemplated getting in and driving away. But I couldn’t stand to think of Aunt Helene disappointed. Or pissed. So I grabbed the paper and came back into the house and followed Saxon into his room.

It smelled a little like old smoke, but it was neat and clean, surprisingly. He usually kept his room like a sty.

“Aunt Helene wouldn’t put up with a mess,” he said, answering the question I didn’t bother to ask.

“We don’t have to do this.” I sat on his bed. He sat next to me.

He pointed to the paper. “Bren wrote that?”

“Yeah.”

“And whatever it is has you all fucked up?”

“Yeah.” I had no desire to go into the whole thing with him.

“Give me a minute to call Cadence, okay?” I nodded and he pulled out his cell. “Hey, babe. Jake dropped by and I gotta talk to him about some shit. Is it cool if I’m a little late? Yeah.” He laughed. “You too. C’mon, you’re giving me a hard-on talking like that. Alright. Wait up for me. Soon.” He clicked off.

It was his face that was so shocking. He looked totally fucking in love. It was a freaky look for Saxon. It didn’t even look like him, somehow.

“So it’s working? With Cadence?” I asked, Brenna’s paper tight in my fist.

“Yeah, bro.” He grinned. “Holy shit, she’s fucking hot and funny and smart. I just hope she doesn’t get sick of me and kick me to the fucking curb, you know?”

“Yeah.” I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I do know.”

Saxon and I looked at each other and nodded our mutual understanding. “Give me that paper, Kelly. Everyone knows you can’t read for shit, and I don’t have all night. I’ve got a girl wearing very sexy underclothing waiting for me.” He glanced over the paper, and his eyes went a little wide.

I was pissed that I hadn’t tried harder to get through it. What was he reading?

“Are you going to read it?” I asked, totally impatient and dreading the whole thing at the same time.

He looked at me, his brow furrowed. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll read it.” He cleared his throat and started. “‘I’m in love. Twice. It’s not a love that divides fifty-fifty. It’s not a love that’s split between good and bad, safe and dangerous, real and imaginary. It’s a mixed up, confused, good, bad, and ugly love, times two, and it’s all mine.

‘The beginning? The beginning of my first love was just infatuation and impression, and it quickly turned to warning bells in my inexperienced brain and a note to self; ‘Stay away! Far away!’ Just when it felt safe to take a breath and forget the pull of my heart (and other parts), I fell again, head over heels, uncontrollably and without a chance to grab hold before it swallowed me hard and whole. He seemed like everything I would imagine was too good to be true. But who wants that anyway? Too good to be true would have been too boring to handle. I found some bad that was a relief and, also, a big, colossal, system-smashing shock!’”

‘Fast forward through late night kisses, stolen sneaked moments in each others’ arms, long rides in old trucks and fast cars, the smell of cigarette smoke and crisp fall air, the roar of dirt bikes, the flat kick of a soccer ball, and over it all, the pounding of my heart as I pedal and run, run and pedal, sometimes towards it all, and sometimes as far away, as fast as I can.’”

‘I’m in love twice, and why not? I have two eyes to look at them with. I have two ears to hear their stories and jokes. I have two arms; I could hold each one if I wanted. But I only have one mouth. And I only have one heart. I failed division in elementary school. I failed fractions, too. So I don’t know how to divide and fracture the way I should.’”

‘I’m in love twice, and each love is different, unique, incomparable. Asking me to choose between the two loves is like asking me to choose between two parents. Even with that example in mind, I know there’s one parent I feel closer to, one I share it all with, one who is better for me. But that doesn’t mean the other parent doesn’t matter. In fact, the other parent fills in things the first couldn’t. Sacrificing one would mean the death of my parents as a whole. Just like sacrificing one of them would be the death of my whole love.’”

‘It would be easier to be Juliet, Lizzie Bennett, or Penelope and love for sure once I decided on one love. But I’m not that simple and neither is my love. It’s big and full of niches and crannies. They need to be filled, and it’s a big job to fill it. My parents fill some pieces. My friends fill others. Then there are books, music, nature, running, Christmas, new clothes, the windows down in summertime when you’re driving nowhere in particular. And two boys. When I think of it that way, it doesn’t seem so crazy. It doesn’t seem dishonest or slutty or terrible. It seems like two is just enough and my life is only fractionally as long as I’d one day like it to be. More years equals more loves, so that I will love twice, three times, seventeen times, fifty-four times and it will always be a love that I need. And that I need to give back.’”

‘Because love doesn’t have a number or an end. It’s big enough. Strong enough. Wild enough. To hold every extra ounce we can pour or wriggle or crowbar in. I’m in love twice. And that’s just the beginning.’”

Then Saxon folded the paper and handed it back to me, and we sat next to each other on the bed in his room at Aunt Helene’s, not really sure what the hell to say.

“I better fucking go,” I muttered and stood up.

“Stay here. Aunt Helene has an old cot from like World War II in the closet.” Saxon smiled at me, like a truce. “I’ll take the cot.”

“It’s cool, man.” I stood, the folded paper smooth in my shaking fingers. “I gotta get back.”

“For what?” He pointed to the paper. “You gonna talk to Bren tonight?”

“No.” I was sure about that. There was just too much going through my head, and I really didn’t know what to do with it all.

“Then stay.” He fell back on his bed, arms under his head.

“You and Cadence have plans.” There were so many places I didn’t want to be, so many places that didn’t feel right, that I couldn’t even pinpoint which one would be the worst. But staying with Saxon actually wasn’t the bottom of the list.

“She’ll come over. It’ll be cool. C’mon, stay.” He rolled his neck back and forth and cracked it. “Or don’t. Whatever the fuck. If you don’t want to, don’t. But it’s cool if you do.”

I realized he was asking me because he wanted me to stay. For whatever reason. “Alright.”

Saxon left to walk Cadence over, and Aunt Helene set out a plate of sandwiches and a bowl of pretzels.

“Sit, Jake. Sit and relax for a while.” She squeezed my shoulder and I sat.

Once the sandwiches were in front of me, I realized that I was starving. I grabbed one and bit into it, and focused for a minute on how damn good it was to eat at Aunt Helene’s. It was a chicken sandwich with real chicken, like picked off the bird. Good rye bread, tomatoes that I had seen her bring in from her own garden. It was a million miles away from my usual canned soup/TV dinner/cold cut sandwich routine.

Her house was a good house to be in. It felt warm and comfortable and like home. Not that I had a good grasp on ‘like home.’

Saxon came in with Cadence. He had his arm around her waist and was smiling like he won the fucking jackpot. She had her head tilted towards him and was laughing at something he said to her. While they were still in the front foyer, before they thought anyone could see them, she took his face in her hands and kissed him, then rubbed her nose on his. Like a little fucking adorable-ass Eskimo kiss.

And maybe I had turned into a weepy puddle of blubbering sad-sack emotion, but I missed Brenna. I wished I had gone back to get her, even though I knew what a disaster that would have been. Cadence and Saxon came and sat with me.

“Hey Jake,” she said, smiling a little shyly.

She was one hell of a knockout. It struck me again as a little weird, how shy she was. Girls that good-looking were usually really overly confident. “Hey Cadence.” I returned the smile. “Sorry you’ve had to spend so much time with that tool.”

She popped a quick kiss on Saxon’s neck. “I’m just glad you’re here tonight to give me some relief from this goon.”

He squeezed her to his side. “Don’t believe the Jake hype, Cadence,” he warned. “He’s just as big a douche bag as I am, I promise.”

We all laughed, then Aunt Helene brought out a card deck for us, and Cadence taught us how to play a game called Palace, which required just enough thinking to help me keep my mind off of Brenna. It was perfect.

We played a few rounds, then Cadence started asking about Folly. The show at her dad’s place was in a few days and she was fairly worried.

“I have some Folly on my iPod.” Saxon jumped up to get it.

Cadence and I were alone in the dining room.

“Um, Jake?” She bit her lip.

“Yeah?” She looked worried.

“Can I ask you something? But, just know ahead of time, you don’t have to answer if it’s too weird or crazy that I asked. Okay?” She focused on examining her fingernails, not really looking me in the eye.

“Fair enough. Ask away.” I leaned closer to her.

“Were Brenna and Saxon really serious?” She kept her voice low and darted a quick look down the hall, where Saxon had just gone.

Her eyes were wide and kind of almond-shaped. And green. A really pretty shade of light green with some brown in them.

It was a pretty uncomfortable question. I squirmed a little, searching for an answer that would save both of us from bruised hearts. “They’ve always liked each other. But I think Saxon wanted something that he didn’t get from Brenna.”

“Sex?” Cadence pulled at the bottom of the shirt so hard in her nervous distraction, it seemed like she might tear the fabric.

I felt a hot flash of fury just thinking about that. “No. I mean, they didn’t have sex. But I think he wanted, like, the romance part of it.”

“Oh.” She dropped her shirt and fisted her hands. “They didn’t have that?” Her eyes flickered up and she shook her head. “I’m sorry. This is rude. I’m being really out of line.”

“No, it’s alright. Trust me, I get why you want to know.” I wondered how the hell I was supposed to explain the weirdness that had happened this past winter. “We were always still kind of all about each other, so she and Saxon just broke it off after a while.”

“Um. But, Saxon…Saxon told me about this paper. Was it just, like, an assignment or something?” Cadence’s mouth pressed in a flat, tight line.

I couldn’t believe Saxon had already told her about it. I wondered how much he told her. And why. And if he’d regret it.

“Yeah. Kind of.” A wave of irrational anger washed over me. “She was supposed to write about something she felt passionate about.

“Oh. Passion? But she and Saxon dated in the past. It’s all done now, right? And they’re just friends?” Cadence looked at me like I might have the answer, not realizing that was the same damn question drumming through my head.

I dug deep into my gut for the answer, and said what I honestly believed was true. “Brenna doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense to me sometimes,” I admitted. “She likes to think about things. A lot. But she said they were done a while ago, and I don’t have any reason to doubt her. She’s loyal and honest, and I believe her.” And I did. Relief skipped through me like a stone on a flat lake.

Cadence reached her hand across the table and squeezed mine. “Cool. I’m glad we got to talk a little. Maybe we could all go out sometime?”

“Sure. Yeah. That would be cool.” God, she was pretty. She had this silky brown-black hair that shined and nice lips, the kind that looked like they would be good for kissing.

She let go of my hand and it was like my head righted itself again.

What the hell was I thinking?

This was Saxon’s girlfriend. Didn’t I have enough trouble with Brenna? Wasn’t I just damning Saxon for exactly what I was feeling? I looked at Cadence, who didn’t look away from me at all.

I liked the way she looked. I liked her confidence and the fact that she was sweet and smart and honest. If Saxon had met her a year before, before I had known Brenna, would I have wanted to steal her away?

“I can see Brenna’s theoretical problem, you know,” she said and smiled. Great smile. Nice teeth, a little dimple on the left side.

“What’s that?” I shook the thoughts about her smile out of my head.

“Well, a lot of guys are just losers. And then there’s you and your brother. You’re kind of overwhelming, you know? Really good-looking, kind of bad-ass, kind of sweet, just really attractive. And there’re two of you. I just can see how she might have got caught up in…you two.” She tucked her hair behind her ear self-consciously.

I opened my mouth to say the next thing that I was going to say, which, honestly, probably would have been pseudo-flirting, when Saxon came back in. Luckily, he was too focused on his iPod to notice that Cadence and I backed up quickly and looked sheepish. Not that there was anything to look sheepish about.

“This is Folly. I think it’s their best, but you’ll have to listen and see what you think.” He put one earbud in Cadence’s ear and offered the other one to me.

I had to move around the table so that I was sitting close to her. She smelled good. Her skin was dark, tanned, and it looked smooth and soft, the way girls’ skin always looked to me. We listened a few inches apart, and I was glad that we had a good excuse to keep quiet. Because I didn’t know what to say.

Cadence glanced over at me a few times and gave me that tiny smile, like she was hiding the second part of it so she could share it later. I liked her smile. I liked the look on her face. She would have been really easy to fall in love with.

If she wasn’t with Saxon. If I wasn’t with Brenna.

Just thinking it to myself, it sounded a little man-whorish. But the point wasn’t really that I wanted Cadence. It was that I had been kind of wrapped up in Brenna and there wasn’t anyone else I could imagine liking. But I knew that didn’t mean that I would never be attracted to anyone else. For me, it was easier because I had been with so many girls. Granted, none of them had been nearly as smart or cool or sweet as Brenna was. But I had my shot.

It was hard for me to put Brenna into perspective. The fact was, I had been lucky enough to be right there when she was first looking to date. There hadn’t been anyone before me, and she and I got serious fast. Brenna was a fairly independent girl. That couldn’t have sat very well with her.

By the end of the song, I felt at peace, but also shaken up. Knowing things, or realizing them, didn’t necessarily make them easier to deal with. Not for me. I could understand being attracted to someone else, and wanting the freedom to be with other people.

But I loved Brenna. And what I really wanted was for her to write an essay about how much I rocked her world. Maybe it was selfish, but it was also honest. I couldn’t hate her for what she wrote, but it made me kind of pissed off that she divided her love up like that. All I had was her. And I loved her with my whole heart.

We played a few more hands of Palace, but Cadence had a curfew and Saxon seemed pretty serious about sticking to it. By the time he got back home, I had dragged the old musty cot out and was almost asleep.

He fell onto the mattress with a noisy squeak of the springs. “You asleep, Jake?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry about this whole thing,” he said awkwardly.

I was glad that it was dark and we couldn’t see each other. “Why would you be sorry? Brenna wrote it.”

“Because I shouldn’t have butted in with her when I did. I just didn’t know what the hell I was doing.” The silence stretched out for a long minute. “Jake?”

“I hear you,” I said into the dark.

“Now that Cadence and I are together, I just…uh, I realize what I was doing.” I’d never heard Saxon stammer for words unless he was hard-core hammered. I knew he was stone sober. “And it’s, well, it’s fucked up. I was fucked up. I’m glad you knocked my tooth out. I deserved it. I deserved more.”

It was getting unusually sappy between us. Plus that, I hated being the recipient of any of Saxon’s pity, so I smashed back at him with the biggest, nastiest weapon in my arsenal. “If I wasn’t with Bren, I’d steal Cadence out from under you in a fucking hot second.”

I heard Saxon pull in a sharp breath. “Dude, I’m going to kick your fucking ass.”

“Do it.” I lay still on my uncomfortable-as-all-hell cot.

It was tense and quiet for a minute. Then Saxon laughed. I couldn’t help it; I laughed too. Because it was so ridiculous and stupid, it was funny.

“Go to sleep, you fucking asshole,” Saxon said good-naturedly. “And tomorrow, go see Brenna. Maybe you can get some make-up sex out of this whole clusterfuck.”

Which was probably not the best last thought before I tried to relax and fall asleep, but there were definitely worse endings to a day like the one I had. Brenna was tangled in my dreams, and so was make-up sex.

The next morning Saxon was still asleep when I got up. I went out to the kitchen and Aunt Helene was already awake with waffles and bacon for me. She clucked around and made a big deal out of making sure I ate what I was supposed to. She also had the picture album for me.

“You know, Jake,” she said when she handed it to me, “you’re very young. Just enjoy who you are and what you have now. There will be so much coming to you. Don’t be so worried all the time.” She patted my arm.

I got up and hugged her. “Thanks,” I said, and I meant it. And I hoped she understood all I meant when I said it; thanks for food, thanks for memories, thanks for giving a shit.

I got in my truck and roared away, driving a little too fast. The air was still cool since it was a while before sunup. Brenna might not even be awake, but I needed to see her.

I parked down the street, the opposite side that her mother used to drive to work. I went to her window, open like it always was since she liked to sleep in the fresh air, and sat under it for a while, not sure what I wanted to say when I saw her. There was probably no worse idea. By the time five minutes had gone by, I was so chicken-shit I could hardly think about going in.

So I turned my brain off, stopped thinking, and just went ahead and did what I needed to do.

I hoisted myself up on the sill and dropped in quietly, expecting to wake her up. But there was no one in her bed. I felt a minute of panic and was ready to leave when I heard someone else climb through the window. A hundred thoughts went through my head at once, but I wasn’t quick enough to actually act on any of them. So I was standing like a dummy in the middle of her room when I realized Brenna was sneaking back in.

She put her hand over her mouth when she saw me and we stood looking at each other across her room for a shocked minute.

“Brenna?”

She flew across the room and threw herself into my arms. Somewhere in the back of my head I realized that she must have been out running. She was sweaty and wearing muddy sneakers and her favorite running hoodie. Just like with the paper, I was kind of upset that she hadn’t been sitting in her room, waiting for me, sad about our whole fight.

But that wasn’t what I loved about Bren.

I loved that she was herself, fiercely, and she didn’t pout or mope. She was honest and open and smart. She was mine in a way, but she was mostly just her own. And that was what I loved most about her.

She hugged me so tight, I was having a hard time breathing. “I love you. So much! I haven’t stopped thinking about you. And I’m sorry. The essay…it’s just random thoughts, you know? I should have thought about you, how you’d feel. I really like what I wrote, and I hope you realize that it wasn’t about how I don’t love you. It’s about how love can be so complicated and huge and beautiful, and how there’s enough of it for everyone we ever meet.”

“Okay.” I ran a hand down her hair.

“And when I wrote it…I was thinking about love in general. I don’t know. I guess I just think it’s so stupid to apologize about what I think or what you think, you know? But I do love you. I really love you. So much. And I hope you know that if I didn’t feel it for you, I’d just tell you. I’d never pretend or anything.” Her face was really serious and worried. She was beyond just beautiful. She was strong and smart and pretty fucking perfect, mind-boggling essays included.

“I believe you.” I meant it. And then I kissed her. Because we had wasted a lot of time not doing that. And that was the worst waste of time I could imagine.

“Did you read it?” she asked, pulling her mouth away.

Her hair was all falling out of her ponytail and surrounding her face like a golden-brown cloud.

“Of course I read it.”

She bit her lip. “Was it hard to read? I mean to get. Not that you couldn’t get it–”

“I had Saxon read it to me,” I cut in.

Her face went bone white. “Saxon read it?”

“Yeah.” And just so we were all clear, I added, “And I don’t know if Cadence read it, but Saxon told her about it.”

Brenna’s mouth got small and she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I mean, I didn’t realize that so many people would, um…”

“Be affected?” I offered.

“Yeah.” Her eyes were wide with terror.

“Cadence seemed okay with it,” I told her.

“How do you know?” Brenna asked eagerly, grabbing my hands in her still-cold ones.

“Because we hung out last night. Cadence and Saxon and me. And she said that she could see your point.”

Brenna’s eyes got narrow and suspicious.

“What point?” She was talking carefully, listening carefully to what I said back.

“That you found me and Saxon attractive. Like that it was overwhelming. To be around both of us. At once.” And each word I said made her look more pissed and made me wish I hadn’t mentioned it. But at the same time I was glad I brought it up. Brenna had a flash of rage.

“That’s notwhat I meant, Jake.” She smiled a little and tried to keep cool, but I could see the worry in her eyes. “So you and Cadence talked about it? Hmm.”

I couldn’t stop smiling. “Sucks doesn’t it?”

“What?” She was having a hard time keeping her voice light.

“Being jealous.” I couldn’t tone my grin down.

“I’m not!” she insisted too fast.

“Yeah.” I had to laugh at her. “You definitely are. But Cadence helped me get it, you know?” I knew I was wading in deep, but I couldn’t help myself.

“How?” Brenna asked.

“Because she’s really good-looking and nice and smart. And I figured if it had been Cadence and Saxon before I met you, I might have tried to get her to date me. So I get it.”

She shook her head and opened her mouth, then closed it and shook her head again. “Seriously?” she finally wailed. “That’s it for you? That’s what you think?”

She was mad, like self-righteously mad. “Yep. I think that’s it. And I think I’m right, Ms. Blixen.”

And, finally, she really calmed down and laughed a little. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe.” She glared, but it was mostly all an act.

“You’re just mad that I’ve got you figured out, and you aren’t all that deep after all.” I kissed the top of her head. “Should I go? Is Mom up yet?”

She shook her head. “Don’t go. Will you hide under my bed?”