Текст книги "Lost and Found"

Автор книги: Kelly Jamieson

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

“I knew we weren’t totally together on wanting a baby. I know I wanted it more than you did. And I’m sorry more than you can know that I pushed you so hard for that.” She stopped, tears flowing now. She wiped her hands across her cheeks. “I can’t believe I loved you and lived with you all these years and didn’t even know you.”

“Krissa…”

“No.” She choked on a sob, sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m done. I hate you for judging me the way you did. I just wish I’d had the guts to tell you that sooner. I tried so hard to do what you wanted. To be what you wanted. And I hate you for making me feel like I never could.”

She heard a low rough sound that might have been a sob from Derek, and even though it hurt her, she kept going. “We’re done. I’m leaving.”

“No.”

“You can’t think we can still have a life together after all this?”

He slowly moved his head from side to side, face wet. “No,” he choked out. “I know. I knew it earlier. When Nate left and you came undone.”

“And that made it okay to go cheat on me with someone else?”

“No. It wasn’t okay. I’m just telling you why. I’m telling you how I felt. Knowing you loved someone else. Terrified that our marriage was over. That I’d pushed you into someone else’s arms because of my own guilt and stupidity. I’m hurting, too, Krissa. Just so you know.”

She sniffled in a quivery breath through her nose, then out, mouth pressed together to keep her lips from trembling. Her hands came together over her mouth and nose in an inverted V as she stared at him.

“I know. And I loved you, Derek. But—God help me—I want you to hurt, too.”

Only a horrible person would want that. Then she straightened her shoulders. She was not a horrible person. She was human. She was wounded, in pain, betrayed and heartbroken. Some day she might forgive Derek. But right now she’d admit she wanted him to hurt as much as she did.

Chapter Thirty

She went to stay with Cameron. Her parents had more room in their huge mansion where she could probably stay and not even see them for an entire week, but she couldn’t go there. Couldn’t bear to feel her mother’s censure and blame for her failed marriage. She already knew her mother had been horrified at catching her and Nate together that day, had been convinced Krissa was cheating on her husband.

And Krissa had a lump of guilt deep inside her that she had been cheating on her husband.

Cameron’s house was noisy and crazy with two toddlers and a baby, although Cameron had just gone back to work. For two hours every morning, a whirlwind of frantic activity took place when Cam and Eric got the kids up, got them dressed, made breakfast, packed bags and exploded out the door.

“I’m exhausted before I even get to work,” Cam complained to Krissa one morning as she ran to change. They’d been on their way out the door when somehow one of the boys had tripped and fallen in the driveway. His nose started bleeding and he’d been crying so Cameron had scooped him up to comfort him and he’d bled all over her silk blouse.

Krissa took Benjamin to the bathroom to clean him up and get the bleeding stopped while Eric loaded Alex and Emma into the van. The least she could do while she stayed there was help. She tried to do what she could.

When everyone had left for the day and the house was blissfully quiet, she got into a routine of cleaning up the dishes Cam always left in the sink and on the counter, knowing how much it would mean to Cam to come home and not have to worry about that at the end of the day. She threw in loads of laundry, started dinner for them. She had to keep busy.

She worked. She’d retrieved her computer and her files and books from the house, set up a cramped tiny office in a storage room above Cam’s garage where she slept on a futon. She scoured the newspaper looking for cheap apartments. She had money coming in, but damn, rent was expensive. She’d need to work harder on expanding her business.

So she threw her heartbroken self into approaching new clients, spent all her time working, e-mailing and researching when she wasn’t doing training. She needed to stay busy to keep from going crazy thinking about the mess her life was in and how much she missed Nate.

He’d been there every day with her, ready to listen to her talk about a client, celebrate a success, comfort her when things went wrong. They’d talked and laughed in the kitchen as they made dinner, and one afternoon as she peeled carrots alone in Cam’s tiny kitchen, a wave of loneliness swept over her so intense she almost dropped to her knees. She clutched the edge of the counter, took deep breaths, pain ripping at her insides.

She’d get over it. Of course she would. It would just take time.

Sometimes she tortured herself wondering what her life would be like. Would she be alone forever? Would she never have the family she’d always wanted? She’d thought she’d been so close, had agonized over having a baby and meanwhile her marriage had been disintegrating around her.

After two weeks at Cam’s place, Krissa found an apartment in Summerland. It was tiny, but cute, on the second floor of a two-story white wood building near the beach. Her neighbors included a surfer dude who reminded her of Nate and Derek ten years ago, two girls who looked barely old enough to live on their own and a young newly married couple sickeningly in looooove. No, it wasn’t sickening. It was sweet. But depressing.

She had nothing, but Derek told her to take whatever she wanted from the house. She wanted nothing, but needed to survive, so Eric and a friend of his with a truck helped her load up some basic furniture and dishes and move it into the apartment. Derek thankfully had been out at the time, probably deliberately.

The apartment building had a small pool, a pretty turquoise blue surrounded by bare concrete and some cheap plastic chairs, but sometimes in the afternoon she’d take her laptop down there and sit in the sun to work. She missed living beside the ocean. The vast, seemingly endless expanse of water had always served to put her own tiny problems in perspective. The little pool just didn’t have the same effect. Although it was water, and the sun sparkling off the gentle ripples, all the mingling shades of turquoise, aqua and azure, did have a soothing effect.

When her second month’s rent was due and she realized she’d been living there a month already, the passage of time surprised her. Each day blended into the next in a blur of automation. Thankfully she kept detailed notes in her day planner or she’d never know when to show up at her clients’ offices for meetings or workshops. One full month of living alone. Cooking meals for one wasn’t the same as preparing food for others, enjoying their pleasure from it. One full month of breakfasts, lunches, dinners. One full month of…

It was then she realized the one monthly thing that hadn’t happened since she’d lived there.

She hadn’t had a period.

She froze over her checkbook. Put a hand to her stomach. How long had it been?

Her last period had been the day Nate had comforted her on the beach. That was—she thought back—over two months ago. Her periods had always been wonky, but…not that much.

Shaking inside, she got to her feet and went into the tiny bathroom, opened the cupboard doors beneath the sink. She used to buy pregnancy tests in bulk, but did she still have…yes. There was one.

She didn’t need to read the instructions. She’d used so many of them, she knew exactly what to do, but her trembling hands made handling the tester clumsy.

She waited. Five minutes took forever. She sat on the side of the bathtub, drumming her fingers in a hollow beat. She checked her watch. Drummed her fingers. Checked her watch. Time.

She looked at the tester. Blinked.

Dear lord. She was pregnant.

Pregnant!

Once again, she laid her palm against her tummy. She stood and looked at herself in the mirror.

She’d lost weight. She didn’t get the same pleasure from cooking as she did when she was feeding someone else, so she hadn’t eaten much lately. That wasn’t healthy for the baby.

She looked healthy, though. Her nose and cheeks had a few more freckles from sitting in the sun by the pool, but also a light golden tan. She’d have to take better care of herself. She’d have to go the doctor. Get an official confirmation.

What if the test was wrong?

She’d never had a false positive in all the months of checking. How cruel would it be of fate to play that trick on her? After all this time, now the last thing she could think about was a baby, and here she was knocked up? Surely to God the test was accurate.

A baby. Her eyes widened in the mirror.

Her knees went weak and she had to grip the edge of the vanity to hold herself up. But still she slid to the floor, crumpled on the bath mat, knocking one elbow against the side of the tub. She leaned there, closed her eyes, sucked in air. Emotion swelled inside her so powerfully she thought she might burst. She wrapped her arms around herself, tears pooling in her eyes then dripping down her cheeks. She bowed her head, leaned her forehead on her knees and let herself cry.

She cried for all the times she’d done the pregnancy test and the harsh disappointment she’d felt each time it was negative. She cried for the life growing inside her and the joy of creating it, of knowing she was going to have a child. And she cried for Nate. That he wasn’t here to know this. That she couldn’t share this with him.

She was all alone. Another cruel twist of fate. Finally she got what she’d wanted—and she was alone. Never mind two fathers for the baby—now she had none. She turned her head to the side and blindly reached for a towel to mop her tears, pressed the soft terry to her face, inhaled the scent of spring breeze fabric softener.

Single women had babies all the time. She could do it.

When she’d sobbed herself dry and limp, she climbed to her feet. She set the tester on the counter by the sink, unwilling to toss it in the trash, the only concrete, real evidence of the life growing inside her. She wandered into her little kitchen and poured herself a glass of milk. She’d have to drink more milk.

She sat on her couch in a daze. The joy bubbling up inside her was tempered with a dose of fear. Worry about doing this on her own. Supporting a child with her fledgling consulting business. Could she make it work for the long term? She’d never exactly had a stable career.

Was she crazy? When she’d been with Derek, she’d blithely wondered about continuing her career, money the least of her worries. Now…oh, God.

Bringing up a child on her own. What if it was a boy? He’d need a dad. He’d need someone to teach him male things.

And what about Nate?

He was the father. Biologically. He would have to know.

She closed her eyes against the pain that stabbed through her. She had no idea how to contact him. And no idea what she would even say to him. Would he be horrified? Or happy?

She would assure him nothing had changed. They’d wanted nothing from him in exchange for his sperm donation and she’d make sure he knew that was the same. She wasn’t going to—oh, God, it hurt—force him to be part of their lives if he didn’t want to be.

And if he did…

She couldn’t even bear to let her thoughts go there. Obviously, he’d shown how much he’d wanted to be part of their lives the day he’d left.

A knock sounded on her door. Her head jerked up. Thinking about Nate…then she remembered Cameron was coming over for a girls’ evening, drinking margaritas, eating popcorn and watching a chick flick. It was a much-needed night of respite for Cameron.

Krissa dragged herself off the couch and went to the door, peeked through the peephole to ensure it was her friend, then unlatched the door.

“Hi!” Cam breezed in, her arms full. “I got the DVD, two bottles of margaritas, and a bag of ice.” She thunked everything down on the counter with a rustle of paper and plastic.

She turned to Krissa and paused. “Hey. You okay?”

Krissa nodded, forced a smile. “Sure.”

Cam tipped her pretty blonde head. “You sure, honey? It’s okay to still be sad about everything.”

Cam had no idea what had really happened. All she knew was Derek had cheated on Krissa and she’d left him.

Krissa nodded, got a big bowl out of the cupboard for the popcorn.

“I’m fine.”

“You kind of look like you just won the lottery, actually,” Cam said, with a perception that startled Krissa. “Like something really good happened but you’re afraid it’s too good to be true.”

Krissa laughed. She ripped the cellophane off the bag of microwave popcorn. “Extra buttery,” she said, waving the flat package before inserting it into the microwave. With a few quick beeps, the oven started humming.

“Where’s your blender?”

They pulled it out, but before Cam could pour tequila into the blender, Krissa stopped her. “Make mine without.”

“Without tequila? Are you kidding me? That’s not a margarita, that’s a…Slurpee.”

“I know.” Krissa smiled. “I don’t feel like drinking tonight.”

Cam’s eyes narrowed. “But that was the whole point of tonight…”

“Oh, come on. The whole point is you and me getting together and watching a movie.”

Cam made a face but nodded and whirred the blender with a non-alcoholic drink for Krissa, then a tequila-laced one for herself.

“God, I needed this.” Cam sank onto Krissa’s couch with her drink in hand. Krissa didn’t have proper margarita glasses so they drank out of tumblers. Whatever. “Those kids are driving me crazy. And so, for that matter, is Eric. God.”

“What now?”

“Oh, everything.” She blew out a gusty sigh. “He’s just useless. He works all day, but doesn’t make any money. Then he comes home and he’s useless there, too. Doesn’t know what to do for the kids. I had to leave detailed instructions on how to get them to bed tonight, what to feed them…” She pushed out her lips. “It’s overwhelming. I feel like I’m doing everything—supporting us, looking after the house, the kids—everything.”

Krissa sipped her tangy lime drink and looked at her friend over the glass. “At least you have a husband.”

“Yeah.” Cam’s expression softened a bit. “I’m sorry. Be thankful it’s just you—imagine if you had three kids and were on your own.”

Be thankful it was just her? Had she heard Cam correctly? She was alone. Admittedly, Cam didn’t know how concerning that was, but…what a stupid thing to say.

“Although, frankly, I pretty much feel like that anyway,” Cam continued. “God, even the sex is non-existent lately. A husband should be good for that much at least.”

“I’m sure Eric is trying.”

Cam grimaced. “Not hard enough.”

Cam’s attention went back to the movie, but anger simmered inside Krissa. Once again, her friend sat there and did nothing but complain, not even realizing how lucky she was.

“Cam?”

“Mmm?”

“Do you love Eric?”

Cam turned toward Krissa, brows lifted. “Do I love him? Yeah, of course I do.”

“Then shut up.”

Cam’s eyes flew wide.

Krissa couldn’t stop the words. She’d kept them inside her for so long, tried to pretend they weren’t there. She couldn’t stop.

“All you do is complain about him. And about your kids. How bad things are for you. You have no fucking idea what bad is.”

Cam blinked, her margarita clutched in her hand.

Krissa squeezed her own drink tightly, the icy-cold glass slick under her fingers. “You have a husband who loves you. Who doesn’t cheat on you. You love him, too. Don’t complain about not having sex. You sleep with him every night. If you want sex—then tell him you want sex.” She almost choked on the words that spilled out of her.

“And don’t…please don’t complain about those beautiful children you have.” Oh, dammit, she was going to cry. Here she’d thought she could get mad and express her anger. But no, the tears had to flow. She swallowed.

“You are so lucky to have three gorgeous children,” she continued fiercely. “Yeah, being a mom is hard, but it’s the most important thing you can ever do. You’re a good mom, Cam, but sometimes I worry you’re going to do to your kids what my mom did to me.”

Cam stared at her. “Which is…?”

“Blame me for everything wrong in her life. My mother wanted to have a high-powered business career, but gave it up because she was pregnant with me. She could never work because she had kids. Her life is a disappointment to her. Not what she dreamed of. And it’s all my fault.”

Cam’s mouth opened into a horrified O. “That’s not true, Krissa.”

Krissa waved a hand. “Whatever. I just don’t want you blaming your kids for what’s wrong in your life. If you don’t like it—fix it. But don’t sit there and complain about it when you have everything…” a sob tore out of her. “Everything I’ve ever w-wanted.” She dragged her index finger under her eye.

“I never…knew you felt that way,” Cam whispered. She leaned forward and set down her drink, clasped her hands. She looked at the floor. “I don’t complain that much. Do I?”

“Yes. All the time. It drives me crazy.” There. She’d said it. Their friendship was likely over. Cam would storm out with her bottles of margarita mix and she’d never see her again.

“You want kids?” Cam lifted her head and gave Krissa a puzzled look.

“Yes.”

Their eyes met and held.

“I didn’t know that.”

“Derek and I…tried. For the last two years.”

“Oh, no.” Distress filled Cam’s brown eyes. “And you can’t get pregnant?”

Krissa shook her head. “I can. Derek can’t.”

“Oh. Oh, God. Is that why…you left him?”

“No. No, no. He cheated on me. Well, it’s a lot more complicated than that.”

“Tell me. We’re friends.”

Krissa searched Cam’s face. “Aren’t you mad at me? For telling you off?”

“No. I’m surprised. Not mad. If I’ve been a pain in the ass, you should have told me sooner. Krissa…we’re friends.” Cam reached for her hand. Cam’s fingers felt warm and Krissa knew hers must be freezing.

“I need you,” Cam continued, and at that Krissa started crying full-out. “What? What, Krissa? You’ll find someone else, someone who can give you a baby.”

“I already have,” she sobbed.

“Whaat?” Cam shook her head, the movie forgotten. “Already?”

“No.” Krissa took a deep breath. “If I tell you this, you’ll probably hate me.”

“No, I won’t. You just told me I’m a bitchy whiner, how much worse can it get?” She gave a tremulous smile.

“I never said that!”

“Yes, you did.” Krissa’s smile slipped. “Might as well have, anyway. It’s okay. Tell me.”

So Krissa told her everything.

Chapter Thirty-One

“And—get ready for this—I just found out today…I’m pregnant.”

“Oh for shit’s sake,” Cam breathed.

“Yup.” Krissa smiled through her tears. “Pretty ironic, huh?”

“I suppose. I guess you can’t be very far…”

“Two months.”

“Oh, lord. But Krissa…it’s great! You wanted to be a mother. You’ll be a fantastic mother. It’ll be okay. Eric and I will do whatever you need—hey! I’ll be your labor coach. I’ve been through it a couple of times.”

Krissa choked on laugh, wiped her face with tissues she’d retrieved. “Thanks. That would be great. I…I’ll need some help.”

“Whatever we can do. You’ve done so much for me—coming and rescuing me when I’m having a breakdown. Cleaning my house while I’m at work. Listening to all my bitching and complaining. I’ll do anything for you.”

They shared a tearful, emotional hug.

“Anything?” Krissa asked.

“Of course.”

“Can you tell my mother?”

She’d been joking. In a way. Telling her parents she was pregnant wasn’t going to be fun. They were going to tell her to go back to Derek. They’d blame her for the marriage ending, somehow. Just like Derek had blamed her all along.

But after telling Cam how she felt, and ending up with a stronger bond between them, she felt a little more confident she could do it. She could stand up to her mother. She didn’t want to make Derek the scapegoat for everything, because, although she wasn’t willing to take all the blame for their marriage falling apart, she knew she’d had a part in it. But she wanted her mother to understand that she was not responsible for everything that had gone wrong.

How would she make her understand that without telling her the entire gut-wrenching tale? A tale her mother would find appalling.

Her insides twisted and churned as she drove to her parents’ home the following week. She’d been to the doctor, had her pregnancy confirmed. She had to tell them. She was going to need all the support she could get in the coming months, but if they wouldn’t…she could survive. She knew it.

She parked in the huge curved driveway at the front of the imposing house, feeling intimidated even though she’d lived there most of her life. She didn’t ring the bell, but opened one of the double doors into the spacious foyer with its marble-tiled floor, high ceiling and a chandelier dripping crystals. “Hello!”

“Krissa?” She heard the tap of her mother’s heels, then she appeared in the hall from the family room. “Hi! Come in, darling.”

Krissa closed the door behind her, took a deep breath. She and her mother gave each other a polite hug and then Krissa followed her down the hall. “Your father and I are just having an after-dinner drink. Come and join us.”

Well, there was a quick way to break the news.

“What would you like, Krissa? I’m having sherry.” Her mother held up a glass. “Or we have a very nice Sauvignon Blanc…”

“Nothing, thanks.”

“Nothing?” Her mother blinked.

“Well…do you have some iced tea, maybe?”

“Of course. I’ll get it.”

“Hi, baby.” Her dad stood and gave her a much warmer hug. “Haven’t seen you in ages. How’re you doing?” He searched her eyes with his green ones so like her own. Had his hair receded even more? Probably, but he still looked distinguished and handsome, even with his middle softening a little.

“I’m okay, Dad.” She smiled at him. “How about you? How’s work?”

“Oh, great.” He talked about interest rates and mortgages until Lizbeth returned with the glass of tea.

“Here you go.” She handed the glass over. “Have a seat. So, Krissa, are you okay? We’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m okay, Mom. Really.”

“I just can’t believe you and Derek…” She shook her head, the corners of her mouth turned down. “It’s such a shame.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Lizbeth fastened her gaze on Krissa. “Did he find out about…?”

Krissa waited. “About what?”

Lizbeth shot a glance at her husband. “About you and…Nate.”

“Nate?” her father put in with a frown. “What’s he got to do with this?”

Krissa returned her mother’s gaze. “You think I was cheating on Derek, don’t you? And that’s why our marriage ended.”

“Well…that morning I came over and you two…”

“What?” David’s frown deepened. “Krissa, what the hell did you do?”

She looked from her mother to her father, then sipped her tea. “You’ve already judged me,” she said. Strangely the butterflies billowing in her tummy had calmed down. She’d done it with Cameron. She could do it with them.

“Of course we haven’t, but I saw…” Lizbeth’s voice trailed off. “And then you didn’t want to talk about it, so I assumed…”

“I guess I should have explained to you what was going on,” Krissa agreed quietly. “But it’s complicated.” She paused. “I came here to tell you some news.”

They looked at her expectantly.

“I’m pregnant.”

The widening of the eyes was identical on both of them and they turned and shared a look before swiveling back to face Krissa. “Pregnant? Oh, Krissa! So you and Derek are getting back together?”

“No.”

“No?”

Krissa licked her lips and took a breath. “Derek and I are done, for good. I found out after we split up that I’m pregnant. But we won’t be getting back together.”

“But…why not?”

“Derek cheated on me.”

“He what!”

She nodded, took another sip of the lemony tea, icy cold and sweet.

“Krissa, what did you do?”

And there it was. “What did I do?” she asked calmly. “He cheated, and you ask what did I do?”

“There must have been a reason. Usually when men cheat it’s because they aren’t getting enough…you know…at home.”

Krissa laughed. “We had lots of sex, Mom.”

She took a strange pleasure in the red that stained her mother’s cheeks.

“But then…you’re going to have the baby on your own?” Her mother looked horrified.

“It’s not that bad. Lots of women do it.” She smiled. “Don’t worry, Mom. I won’t make you change diapers.”

Lizbeth didn’t even smile at that. “But, Krissa. Having a child is difficult, even with a husband. I should know. But without…” She shuddered.

“Yes, I know that you are well familiar with how difficult it is to have a child,” Krissa said, the butterflies replaced with stinging hornets of anger. They swarmed inside her, trying to get out. “Once again I’m sorry that I wrecked your life.”

“Krissa.” Her father interjected with a frown.

“That’s what she believes,” Krissa told him. “You know it, and I know it. Only, you know what, Mom? I am not responsible for everyone else’s problems. Derek made choices in his life. You made choices in your life. I had nothing to do with those choices.”

They both stared at her open-mouthed.

The shocked surprise on their faces gave her a funny little rush. The desire to shock them more.

“So, since you’ve already judged me, you may as well know…the baby isn’t Derek’s. The baby is Nate’s. You were right. I was screwing around with him. But…Derek was right there with us.” Their sharply indrawn breaths were audible across the room. “The three of us were in a relationship. Derek is sterile and we wanted Nate to be the father of our baby. But things didn’t work exactly like we planned.” Her mouth twisted. “It’s true, Derek cheated on me. It’s been going on for years. You can blame me for it if you want. I don’t care, because I know it wasn’t my fault.”

Krissa swallowed the last of the tea and clunked the glass down onto the cocktail table. She stood up, slung her purse over her shoulder.

“Thanks for your support, Mom and Dad.”

The sight of her mother’s face, all the color drained out of it, her eyes hazy, almost stopped her from walking out. But hell, she had momentum going, she might as well go with it.

Krissa wasn’t sure what should happen next. She was not going to apologize to her parents for shocking them, though. They’d either accept her and not judge her for what she’d done or… She sighed, sitting by the pool with a magazine the next night. Several people were enjoying the pool in the warm evening. Krissa smiled as Joe Surfer Dude tossed one of the teenage girls into the water, her scream submerged in a splash. Krissa felt way older than her neighbors but at least they were human company.

Why she even thought of apologizing, she had no idea. Long-standing guilt nibbled at her. She really had to get over that. But if she ever wanted any relationship with them, she’d likely have to make the first move.

Or not. Her tummy flipped over as she spotted her mother at the gate of the wrought-iron fence enclosing the pool. She slowly flipped her magazine closed, rose out of the chair she’d been sitting in. She lifted a hand to her mother and walked toward her.

She opened the gate. “Hi.”

“Hello.” They eyed each other. “Krissa. We need to talk.”

Her mom’s face looked tight, with faint lines around her eyes and mouth.

“Sure. Let’s go up to my place.”

“This is a nice building.”

“It’s okay.”

Lizbeth followed her up the wooden stairs to her second-floor door. Krissa unlocked it and led the way in.

Lizbeth looked around. “Oh, Krissa. I hate to see you living like this.”

“It’s fine, Mom. I have what I need.”

“Are you…do you have enough money?”

“I have money. My business is doing okay. I’ll be fine, really. I’m just starting over, that’s why it looks so bare in here.”

“You know, half of everything you had with Derek is yours.”

Krissa blinked at her. “Well…yes. It is. But…in the end, there wasn’t much I wanted. Just what I needed.”

“You need a lawyer,” her mother said firmly. “That house must be worth a few million dollars. Half of that is yours.”

“There was a humongous mortgage on it,” Krissa muttered.

“Krissa. This isn’t just about you. It’s about your child, too. I’ll get you the name of our lawyer tomorrow. Call him.”

Krissa blinked. “Okay.” She gestured to the sofa. “Have a seat. Would like a drink? Coffee? Tea?”

“Tea would be lovely.”

Krissa didn’t have a kettle so she put two mugs of water into the microwave. She opened a cupboard and found two boxes. “Earl Grey or green tea?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

She plucked two green tea bags out and waited for the water.

“When is the baby due?” her mother asked. Her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

“In March. March twenty-first.”

“Well. That’s accurate.”

Krissa shrugged. The microwave dinged and she reached in for the steaming mugs, dropped a teabag into each. “I know the exact day I got pregnant.”

“Oh.”

“I know you don’t approve.” Krissa carried the mugs over to the couch and set them on the small table in front. “I’m sorry, Mom.” Damn it, the apology had just slipped out. “But what happened, happened.”

“You shocked us last night.”

“I know.” She fought back the smile that tugged her lips.

Her mother’s own mouth twitched—shockingly. “You enjoyed, that didn’t you?”

Krissa stared. “Um…yes.”

Lizbeth shook her head. “I think there’s a lot more to the story than you told us.”

“Well…yeah.”

“I don’t know if I want to hear it.”

“I don’t know if I want to tell you.” They looked at each other for a stretched out moment.

“That’s fine,” Lizbeth said finally. “We love you, Krissa. I don’t know what happened between you and Derek and Nate. I really don’t know if…” She drew in a breath. “If I can ever…understand. I only…I wish…” She sputtered to stop. She took a quick sip of her tea.

“What, Mom?”

“I’m afraid you’ve been very hurt by all this,” Lizbeth said, almost in a whisper. “Your husband cheated on you…that’s enough to destroy any woman. But…did Derek cheat on you because of…Nate?”

Krissa breathed in. And out. Once again, it all came back to what she’d done. “No. He’d been cheating on me for a long time.”

“Oh.”

Krissa rubbed her mouth. “I don’t want to bad-mouth Derek to you. I know you like him. I loved him, too. I think he feels awful about what he’s done.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Derek wanted a baby?”

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that! Every time I see you, you tell me not to have children!”

Lizbeth looked down. “I want the best for you, Krissa. I want you to have whatever it is you want.” She looked up. “I thought you wanted a career. And it was taking you long enough to get going.”