Текст книги "Lost and Found"

Автор книги: Kelly Jamieson

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Chapter Eleven

Nate glanced at Krissa, feeling lost.

Krissa reached for the baby and Cam released her.

“Have you fed her?” Krissa asked.

“Yes.”

“Changed her diaper?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then. Go. Go wash your face, change or whatever, and go.”

Cam stood there. She glanced at Nate who forced a smile. “Go where?”

“Wherever you want,” Krissa said patiently, giving her friend a small push. “Shopping. A movie. Go sit at the beach for a couple of hours. You have to get out of here. If you can hear the baby crying, you’re too close.”

Cam turned, looked over her shoulder at them as she went down the hall.

Nate watched Krissa shift the baby in her arms into a strange position where she lay on her stomach across Krissa’s forearm. Krissa patted the baby on her back. “Okay, boys, what’s the problem here?”

They both sniffled and hiccupped. “I spilled my cereal,” one said. Nate looked from one identical twin to the other.

“Let me,” he murmured and went to the kitchen. He snooped through cupboards until he found paper towels and something to clean the carpet with, returned. He crouched down in front of the boys and started scooping soggy cereal into the bowl. He scraped up as much as he could, then blotted the milk with towels.

“I’m Nate,” he said to the boys and smiled. “You guys help me clean this up and we’ll get something else to eat. Okay?”

They nodded, wide-eyed, and helped clean, pressing paper towels with all their little might to absorb the milk, then scrubbed at the stain. Krissa walked with the baby, rhythmically patting her back and murmuring soothingly to her. The wails seemed a little less frantic, although they continued.

It was enough to drive you insane. He could see why Cameron was freaking out. She appeared in the door, car keys in hand, brows drawn together and her mouth a thin line.

“Are you sure…”

“She’ll be fine, Cam.” Krissa walked over to her friend. “You know she’ll be fine. You just have to get away.”

“But she’s crying…”

Krissa nodded. “Yup. Now, go.”

Cam left. Krissa walked another circle around the room and Nate took the boys into the kitchen.

“I don’t know your names,” he told them.

“I’m sorry.” Krissa walked over. “This is Alexander.” She put her hand atop one blond head. “And this is Benjamin. They’re three.”

“We’re twins,” Ben piped up.

“I see that. I can’t even tell you apart.” Nate grinned. “What’s the secret?”

Krissa smiled at him. “Ben has longer hair.”

“Ah.” He studied them. “Okay. But I bet you’re different in other ways aren’t you? One of you is the good twin and one is the evil twin. Right?”

The boys laughed. “I’m the good one!” Ben cried.

“No, I am!”

Their tears were apparently forgotten. “Okay, you guys hungry? What do you want?”

“I want chicken noodle soup.”

“I want a gillcheese sammich.”

Nate grinned at them. Damn, they were cute little guys. “I can make both,” he said. “Lucky for you. Where’s the soup?” He opened and closed cupboard doors, started cooking, aware of Krissa walking and walking with the crying baby. But the screams were quieting, interspersed with soft snuffles. Krissa rubbed Emma’s back and at one point sat down tentatively, but the crying resumed.

Nate caught her eye and she smiled ruefully. “I was afraid that wouldn’t work.” And she paced again.

“She needs to move,” he commented.

“Yes. There’s something about that rhythm…putting her in her car seat and going for a drive apparently works, too. I’ve heard of parents who put their kid’s car seat on top of the clothes dryer. The hum and the vibration put them to sleep.”

“How do you know she’s okay?”

Krissa shrugged. “If she’s not hungry, wet or poopy, she’s probably okay. The first time this happened when I was here, I freaked out just like Cameron. But after a couple hours of crying, Emma was exhausted, fell asleep and was fine. Nobody really knows what this colic thing is. Some think it’s gas. Others think it’s just the stress of the day built up to a point where the baby can’t handle it anymore.”

He nodded, ladled soup into bowls. “Now this is hot,” he cautioned them. But impatient, Ben had to try it, then started crying when it burned his mouth. Shit.

“Here.” Nate poured him a glass of cold juice.

“Mommy puts ice cubes in our soup,” Alex said helpfully. Okay. He could do that.

When the twins had eaten, the baby had fallen asleep and Krissa sat down with her. “I don’t want to put her down,” she said softly. She’d changed Emma’s position so she cradled her in her arms. Nate watched the tender expression on her face as she gazed down at the sleeping little bundle. Now she was quiet, she was adorable.

Nate played with the twins, although he felt he should clean up the kitchen and do the dishes, but they dragged him outside to see their play structure. Outside it was easy to amuse them, and he let them run and swing and slide until Cam arrived home.

Inside, Krissa was handing the baby over to Cam. “She just woke up,” Krissa said. “And I think she’s hungry, so it’s perfect timing.”

The baby nuzzled at her mother’s breast. Cam looked much better, exhausted but in control. “Thank you,” she said with a sigh, dropping her purse to the floor. She sank onto the couch and unbuttoned her blouse.

Startled, Nate averted his eyes. Uh, yeah. That’s how babies were fed.

“You remember Nate, don’t you?” Krissa asked Cam. “I didn’t get a chance to say anything earlier.”

Forced to turn to her, Nate kept his eyes above Cam’s shoulder level.

“Of course,” Cam said with a smile. “Sorry about all the drama, Nate.”

“No problem. It was fun playing with the boys. They’re good kids.”

She rolled her eyes. “They’re little monsters.”

“Cam!”

Nate’s gaze went to Krissa’s horrified face.

“They are,” Cam said.

“They have a lot of energy,” Nate put in. “They’re kids.”

Krissa nodded, glanced at her watch. “We should go. Derek was planning to be home around eight.” Then her eyes drifted to the kitchen. “I’ll just clean up a bit…”

Nate followed her and helped do the dishes and wipe the counters.

“Thank you again. You’re a lifesaver, Kris, truly.” Nate read the gratitude in Cam’s eyes, dropped his gaze to the nursing baby for a fleeting look, then turned to Krissa. She watched the baby with a look in her eyes that was…hunger. Longing.

How hard was this for her, to come and help her friend, see the baby, knowing she was never going to have this? He rubbed at a strange twinge in his chest.

“Any time, Cam,” Krissa replied quietly. She met Nate’s gaze. “Shall we go?”

“Bye, Kris, bye, Nate,” Cam called.

“Bye, Auntie Kwissie! Bye, Unca Nate!”

Uncle Nate. Amused, Nate waved at the boys as they left.

“Whew.” Krissa blew out a breath once out of the house. “That was crazy.” She eyed him. “Thanks for coming. You were a big help with the twins.”

He shrugged. “No problem. I like kids.”

She tipped her head and got a funny look on her face. “You were good with them.” She hesitated, then slid into the car.

Derek had arrived home before they did. He’d already had dinner with clients, but Krissa and Nate hadn’t, so she quickly made them sandwiches. “Gillcheese sammiches,” she said to Nate with a grin.

“But not just any cheese,” he noted. “Not that processed cheese on white bread I made for them.” He looked approvingly at the Havarti and Gruyere combination on thick toasted multi-grain bread.

“Gourmet gillcheese,” she agreed. They laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Derek walked into the kitchen, having changed out of his suit into jeans.

Krissa waved a hand. “Nothing. We just got back from rescuing Cam. She was having a mommy meltdown.”

“Again?” Derek frowned, took a beer out of the fridge. “Want one?” He looked at Nate, who nodded. Derek handed the bottle to him and got another one.

“Uh…Krissa? Want a drink?” Nate asked, sending Derek a frown.

She smiled at Nate. Aw. That was so nice of him. Derek, the big idiot, hadn’t even thought of her. “I’d love a beer,” she replied and shot Derek a look, so he retrieved another one from the fridge and brought it to her. “Thanks, hon.”

“What’s Cameron’s problem now?” Derek raised the bottle to his mouth. “They should never have had that third baby.”

“That’s what she says.” Krissa couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice and both men glanced at her. She shrugged. “Hey, Emma was an accident. She admits that.”

Krissa looked at Derek, tried to catch his eye. She wanted to talk to him, to see if he’d though any more about her idea. They had to do this. Amazingly, spending two hours walking a screaming baby hadn’t diminished her desire to have one of her own even a bit.

She took a bite of her sandwich. Warm melty cheese and crusty bread melded together in a delicious mouthful. “This is good.”

“Very good,” Nate agreed. He’d almost finished his.

Impatience made her take small breaths, her chest tight. She stuffed the rest of the sandwich into her and slid off her stool. She reached for Nate’s plate, but he shook his head.

“Let me clean up.” He took her plate instead.

“Again. Thanks for helping at Cam’s place. Finding time to do the dishes is hard. I know it’s hard for her to even have a shower.”

Derek gave her a look that she knew said, “And you want that?” She glared at him. “We need to talk. Come on.” She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the kitchen, down the hall, to their bedroom.

She closed the door of their bedroom and leaned against it. “Did you think about it?”

“About what?”

She huffed out a breath. “Derek! You know what. About Nate.”

“Oh. Yeah.” He ran a hand through his short hair. “I did think about it. All goddamn night. I don’t think I slept more than an hour.”

“Oh, no.” She stepped toward him “So? What do you think?”

Her tummy tightened painfully.

He smiled at her. Oh, God. Could he…

“I think it’s worth a shot. You’re right. If we have to do this, it should be him. No, let me rephrase this. I won’t do it—unless it’s him.”

“Oh, God.” Her whole body trembled and she took another step toward him, held out her hands. He met her and took her hands in his. She stared at him. “Really? Really, Derek?”

He nodded, but a frown edged his brow. “We can ask him—but remember, Krissa, he could say no. Don’t get your hopes up too much.”

She nodded, her mind racing. “Let’s go talk to him now.”

“Wait, wait, honey.” He tugged on her hands. “Slow down. I think I should talk to him.”

She blinked. “Oh. Why?”

“I just think it might be better between him and me.”

“Well…okay.” She nibbled her lip. “But you will try, won’t you? I mean, if he’s hesitant, you have to try to convince him.”

“I’m not going to beg him.”

“No, I mean you have to try to make him understand how much we want this.” Her eyes searched his for reassurance. Not that she didn’t trust him, but… “Maybe I should be there. I could tell him again how much I want this…”

“You’ve already talked to him about it?”

“Not about this. Just about how much I want a baby. How hard it’s been.”

“Oh.” He looked taken aback.

“You’d already told him about the test results. It wasn’t a big secret. From him anyway. Since he knew, I thought I could talk to him about it. And he was really nice.”

Derek nodded. “Yeah. Well, let me try, okay? I promise, I won’t let him off too easy.” A smile touched his lips. She stood on her toes and kissed him.

“Thank you,” she whispered. She slid her arms around him and moved in for a hug. They held each other for a moment, then she leaned back. “I’ll…go have a bath. And you two can talk.”

He nodded, looking serious and left the room.

Nate sat in the family room in the dark. He didn’t even bother with the television. He looked around, clasped his beer in two hands between his knees. He sighed.

Again, Krissa’d dragged Derek into the bedroom. Nate was obviously in their way. What the hell were they doing in there?

Like he needed to ask. What else would a husband and wife be doing in their bedroom? They’d probably be screwing on the couch if he wasn’t there.

He tipped the beer to his mouth, and the crisp bubbles stung his throat on the way down. His mouth twisted.

He apparently needed to get laid. All he could think about was sex. Especially after that little show Krissa and Derek had put on the other night. And it didn’t help that Krissa was so sexy and sweet. Seeing her every day in her skimpy shorts and tank tops, in her pajamas at night and in the morning, was torturing his libido.

The workout had helped. He’d spent a good couple of hours pushing his muscles until they burned and sweat dripped off his body.

He heard footsteps and Derek appeared. “Hey,” he said. “Need another beer?”

“Sure.” Nate finished his off.

Derek brought two beers and sat down on the chair across from him. He drew in a long breath, like he had something to say. Fuck, he was going to ask him to leave. He knew it. He was definitely cramping their style.

“I’m in your way, aren’t I?” he asked.

Chapter Twelve

Derek’s eyes widened. “What? No. Of course not.”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on be honest, you two don’t need me hanging around. You need your marital privacy.”

Derek shook his head, squinted. “No, it’s fine, Nate. We don’t mind you being here. In fact…you may be able to do something…no, that sounds really bad.”

Nate frowned. “What sounds bad? What do you mean?”

Derek sighed. “I don’t know how to say this.” He looked away. “You know Krissa and I have been trying to have a baby.”

“Yeah.” Nate wasn’t sure where this was going. If Derek’s problem was his sterility, they couldn’t blame Nate being there and interfering in their sex lives for their lack of children.

“She wants a baby so bad.” He closed his eyes. “I don’t even totally understand it. It’s a woman thing, I guess.”

“I don’t know,” Nate said quietly. “Some guys want kids, too.”

“I do want kids. But…well, I already told you how I feel about it.”

“Yeah. And I know how disappointed Krissa is.”

“Yeah.”

There was silence. Both men gulped their beer.

“Well.” Derek swallowed, drank more beer. “Uh.”

Nate stared at his friend. Derek, the smooth talking salesman, was having a hard time spilling what was on his mind.

“What’s up buddy? Tell me.”

Derek rubbed his face. “This is the most bizarre conversation I’ve ever had. Okay. Here it is. We want you to donate your sperm.”

Nate’s head dipped and his eyes went wide. “Huh?”

“We want you to be the father of our child. Since I can’t.” Derek’s voice sounded different…thick. “Oh, man. This is hard. I never thought I’d be asking this. But, Jesus, if I have to…Krissa’s right. I want it to be you.”

“Me?” Nate still wasn’t sure he understood what Derek was saying. “I don’t get it.”

“Artificial insemination is one of the only options left for us. I don’t want to use an anonymous sperm donor, even if I can pick his IQ and eye color.” Nate heard the bitter tone in his voice. “But…” Derek lifted his eyes and met Nate’s. “I’d pick you.”

Nate shook his head. “You want my sperm?”

“Yes.”

Silence expanded in the room. Nate heard the faint tick of the clock in the kitchen.

“Jesus,” he finally said. He drained his beer and clattered it down on the coffee table. “I’m flattered, buddy, but…wow.”

“I know.” Derek blew out a breath. “I know. There are a lot of things to think about. Things we’d all need to agree on. We wouldn’t expect you to have any obligation to the child…we wouldn’t even have to tell the child.”

Nate shook his head. “Jesus Christ.”

“That’d be my preference,” Derek said. “Only, you, Krissa and I would ever have to know.”

Nate’s mind spun in circles. He didn’t know what to think. He’d be giving them a baby. He’d be giving Krissa a baby.

For some reason that touched something deep inside him. Like a finger poking him. He closed his eyes.

It would be his baby. But it would be their baby. Not his.

It was too much to comprehend.

“I would really love to help you two,” Nate said slowly. “You know I would. But this is…big.”

“Yeah, I know. Look, don’t make a decision right away. Think about it. Talk to Krissa about it, if you want. You know how much she wants this.”

“Does she know…you’re asking me this?”

“Yeah.” Derek smiled crookedly. “This was her idea.”

“Oh.” Nate shook his head, rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Okay.”

Krissa’s idea. She wanted this.

“But you’re okay with it?” Nate eyed Derek.

“Yeah, actually. I am. I thought about it and she’s right. I don’t want an anonymous donor. I want someone I know. I don’t have any brothers, so who else would it be?”

It touched Nate that they would think of him, but the whole idea scared the hell out of him. “What all is involved?”

“Hell if I know. Krissa’s the one who’s done all the research. She’d know. Talk to her tomorrow. After you think about it. Just…” Derek hesitated. “Don’t say no too quickly, Nate. She wants this so bad. It’s putting a strain on our marriage—has been for months. You’d be doing more than just helping us…you’d be saving us.”

Nate’s gut clenched. “No pressure, huh.”

Derek grinned. “Sorry. I really did not want to pressure you.”

“What if I say no? You gonna kick me out?”

“Christ, no!”

“You won’t be mad?”

Derek sighed. “Well, I can’t say I won’t be disappointed. And I can’t speak for Krissa. I warned her not to get her hopes up, because it’s your decision and you can say no. Absolutely. But I hope she wouldn’t hold it against you.”

Nate nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

Derek sagged with relief. “Oh, God. Thanks, man. That’s all we ask right now.”

Nate stood. “I think I’ll go turn in. Not that I’m likely gonna be able to sleep.”

Derek stood too. “Okay.”

Nate went upstairs to his room, past the closed door of Derek and Krissa’s bedroom. He’d heard the water running earlier, knew she was in there naked in the tub. Probably sick with worry and fear about the conversation they’d just been having.

Well, no more so than him. He couldn’t stop the string of curse words that ran through his head. This was so outrageous, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever been more dumfounded.

He threw himself down onto his bed, tossed the hated sunglasses aside in the dark room. Okay, yeah, there’d been times in his life when he’d been just as stunned. The day his wife had died. There wasn’t much that could compare to the shock, horror and disbelief of something like that. This was big, but not like that. Not life-altering.

Or when he’d found out his wife had been having an affair. Also an event that had changed him forever. Destroyed his trust, the love he’d had for his wife. Then of course he’d felt guilty, because she was dead. And he’d never gotten to ask her the one question that was left hanging over his head…

Who was the father of her baby?

But even if she’d still been alive, she couldn’t have answered that question, because according to her journal, she didn’t even know. Fuck.

His chest tightened and his eyes ached at the memories. Why was he reliving this now? He’d done his best to run and hide from the pain. Now it was back, biting him on the ass.

He got up and paced around the bedroom, adrenaline flooding his bloodstream and making him unable to lay still.

He could donate sperm. It was no big deal. He wasn’t ever likely going to have kids of his own, and even if he did meet someone someday…he shivered. Even if he did marry and have children, what difference would it make?

People donated sperm all the time. That’s how sperm banks existed. He’d go into some clinic, jack off into a cup, and be done. He’d take off as soon as his sight came back, leaving behind a happy couple with their marriage saved.

Fuck off, he thought. Having babies doesn’t ever save a marriage if it’s in trouble. If Derek and Krissa thought this was the way to fix their problems, they needed to get over that pretty fucking quick.

But he had no idea how big their problems were. And if the stress of trying to have a baby really was the problem, then maybe this would help.

He fisted his hands in his too-long hair and yanked on it, let out a growl of frustration.

There was no doubt he wanted to help his friends. Of course he did. And when he thought of Krissa, something softened inside him. He’d become…fond of her the last few days, spending time with her while Derek was at work, getting to know her better. The image of her holding the baby in her arms, the tenderness on her face as she looked down at her, grabbed at his heart.

Why wouldn’t he do that for her?

Krissa sat at the desk in her office, compiling the feedback she’d received at the end of her sessions the day before. She enjoyed working with Phoenix Insurance. They were committed to making things better for their employees and she appreciated that.

She heard Nate get up, use the bathroom, go to the kitchen. She should go out there. But her tummy fluttered and leaped and her fingers trembled. She tried to keep Derek’s advice in mind—don’t get your hopes up. She’d been disappointed so many times over the last couple of years. Every twenty-eight days, basically. Every month when she’d hoped her period wouldn’t arrive. And then it did. Disappointment had sucked her down into a morass of self pity and every month it was a harder and harder struggle to get out of it.

This felt like the last time. The last hope. If Nate said no…how was she ever going to go on?

Don’t be ridiculous. She shook her head at her melodramatic thoughts. Of course she’d go on. Life went on. She’d be disappointed, but it’s not like she was going to die or anything. She shook her head.

But she couldn’t tame the flock of butterflies inside her that easily.

She finished compiling the feedback, calculated averages for responses and entered them in a spreadsheet. She’d send the report to Phoenix so they’d know their training had been well-received. She saved the spreadsheet in her Phoenix file, then closed it and stood up.

She went out to the kitchen, wondering if Nate was there.

But the kitchen was deserted. Nate’s empty mug sat on the counter, along with a plate with crumbs and a knife. She sighed, but a smile tugged at her lips. He must be feeling at home, because at first he’d been so careful to clean up after himself. Unlike Derek, who thought nothing of leaving plates and dishes all over the house, empty beer bottles on the floor next to the couch, dirty socks beside the hamper instead of inside it. Men.

She put the dishes into the dishwasher, wiped the counter although it was clean. She refilled her own coffee mug, went back to the office. Nate must have gone out, or maybe downstairs to the gym to work out.

She needed to work out. That would be a cure for her tautly strung nerves. But she’d wait until Nate was done. She had work to do anyway.

Her cell phone rang, which was her business phone, and when she answered it, Gemini Technologies was calling to tell her she’d been awarded the contract to work with them on their merger with another software company. They wanted help to merge the two corporate cultures, and since she’d worked for both companies and knew them well, she had an advantage over other consultants. This was a big contract—the money was equivalent to a whole year’s salary in her last job. One contract!

This was huge! Big enough to actually distract her from worrying about Nate’s response to their request. She talked to the client for nearly half an hour, working out details and arranging to meet the following week.

This contract ensured her business success. Excitement bubbled up inside her. She had to tell someone.

She hurried out of her office and downstairs to the basement. Sure enough, Nate lay on the padded bench, pushing weights above his shoulders.

His bare chest gleamed with sweat. His biceps bulged as he lifted the weight, muscles in his chest and abdomen rippling. His body was tanned and fit, and she didn’t know what he’d looked like before he’d gotten food poisoning and lost weight, but he definitely looked incredible now.

She stopped in the door, dry mouthed, her news momentarily forgotten. She swallowed with difficulty.

Nate noticed her standing there and the barbell across his chest wobbled. Then he slowly lowered it. “Hey.”

“Hey. Guess what?” She took a step forward. “I just got a call from Gemini Technologies. They just gave me a big contract!”

Nate sat up, grabbed a towel from the floor and wiped his face. The sunglasses hid his eyes as usual, but she could see his smile. “Hey, that’s great. Congratulations.”

“This is so incredible!” She clasped her hands together and walked closer. The musky male scent of Nate’s body tickled her nose. “The money is great and it’s such an important client—their name will look so impressive on my client list.”

“Awesome.”

“I just had to tell someone and I thought you might be down here.”

“Yeah. I like having the gym right here, it’s been so easy to work out.”

Her eyes moved over him again. “Mmm. I was thinking I need to work out. I haven’t lately and it would definitely help with all the stress.”

Well, she’d said it and now it was out there, hanging between them. She knew that he knew exactly what all her stress was related to.

He paused, sitting on the weight bench, the towel clasped in his hands.