Текст книги "Lost and Found"

Автор книги: Kelly Jamieson

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Chapter Nine

Krissa watched Cameron lift up her shirt, exposing her full breast, the nipple distended, blue veins visible under almost translucent skin. Cameron directed the nipple into the mouth of her waiting baby, who latched on. Immediately her little cheeks worked as she suckled.

Krissa sighed as she watched, fascinated, envious. Her own nipples hardened and she ached way down low. Cameron adjusted the baby with a cushion beneath her arm and smiled down at her tiny daughter who gazed back up at her with wide eyes.

Krissa appreciated the beauty of the picture they made, but for some reason felt confused, a jumble of emotions inside her. Probably because of last night.

Heat cascaded over her. She’d had to escape the house, unable to stay home and face Nate all alone, all day. She closed her eyes at the memory of what she and Derek had done in front of him. God! How embarrassing.

And yet…exciting.

What had Derek meant—he liked to watch? Her imagination could go wild with scenes of Nate and Derek and…who? When? Oh, God.

She throbbed between her legs, clenched her thighs together.

“She slept eight hours last night,” Cameron said, raising her gaze from her baby to Krissa. “God, it felt good. The twins didn’t sleep through the night ’til they were almost a year old.”

“They’re boys. I hear boys are slower at everything.”

Cameron giggled. “It’s true. Look at them.” Her gaze went to the far end of the family room where the two boys played with plastic building blocks. “They’re three years old and just out of diapers.” She rolled her eyes.

“That’s not bad,” Krissa said.

Cameron grinned. “What do you know about toilet training?”

Ah. Busted. Krissa didn’t want to admit to Cam that she’d been reading all about babies and pregnancy for the last two years. She probably knew more than most mothers.

“And we had sex last night.”

Krissa choked on a laugh. “Cam!”

“What? That’s big news. It was the first time in…God. Months.” She sighed. “You’re supposed to wait six weeks, but after six weeks I was still, don’t touch me!”

“You look great.” And she did. Cam’s shoulder-length blonde hair could use some fresh highlights, and without any makeup her pale lashes and freckles made her look like a teenager. The faded T-shirt and old khaki shorts didn’t exactly do much for her, but hey, she was a mom at home with her kids. She looked fine.

Cam laughed. “I look like hell. But I’ve lost the weight. Just wish I had time to shower and put on make-up once in a while. What’s new with you?” Cameron touched a finger to baby Emma’s cheek.

“Um…do you remember Derek’s friend Nate?”

“The big shot photographer?”

Krissa smiled. “Yes. He’s home. He’s staying with us for a while.”

She told Cam about Nate’s eye problems.

“That’s so awful.” Cam’s brows drew together. “I hope he gets better.”

“Me, too. He’s so talented…I think it would kill him if he couldn’t take pictures.”

Cam sighed. “I have to go back to work in a few weeks. Can you believe that?”

“It seems so soon.” Krissa’s eyes fell to the baby and she watched Cam switch breasts.

“I’m still breastfeeding,” Cam said unnecessarily. “How am I supposed to work full time?”

“It can be done.”

Cam sent her another what-the-hell-do-you-know-about-it look.

“So quit,” Krissa said.

“I can’t quit. I’m the alpha earner.”

“Huh?”

Cam laughed humorlessly. “I make way more money than Eric. We can’t afford for me to quit.”

“Would you? If you could?”

“In a heartbeat.” Cam’s gaze returned to her baby’s face. Emma’s eyelids had drifted shut but still she suckled. Cam blinked. “But that’s not going to happen.”

Cam looked like she was going to cry.

“Sometimes I wonder why I’m even married to Eric. If he can’t support his family.”

Krissa’s mouth fell open. “Uh…Cam? This is the twenty-first century. It’s not up to the men to support us anymore.” She tipped her head. “You know, when you think about it, that’s quite a burden to put onto a guy. Like, back in the fifties, when all moms stayed home with the kids. D’you think the husbands ever felt the pressure? They must have worried about that—losing their job, making the next mortgage payment when the kids were begging for new bikes.”

Cam laughed. “Back in our grandparents’ day.”

“Well, yeah. Seriously. Isn’t it better now that both parents are responsible? Now they share the burden?”

“That’s not always the case. I know lots of moms who stay home with their kids. They don’t seem to mind putting that all onto their husband’s shoulders. I wouldn’t mind, if only Eric made enough for us to live on.”

“I thought his business was doing well.”

Cam’s mouth twisted glumly. “Not so good lately.”

“Oh, no.” Krissa stared at her friend, distressed.

Cam waved a hand. “It’s doing okay. But it means I certainly can’t quit my job.”

“You couldn’t live off what he makes?”

“Uh…no, we couldn’t. We’d have to sell this house and move to…Oxnard.”

“A fate worse than death.” But Krissa smiled. “Would you really let a guy support you? Not have any money of your own?”

“You’ve been a double income couple too long. When you’re married, the money belongs to both of you. It’s not his and yours.”

Krissa shrugged. She didn’t want to argue, but she liked having some financial independence. She couldn’t imagine the thought of asking Derek for money for new shoes. But then again, she didn’t have children, and that probably changed everything.

If she ever had a baby, would she feel differently? She’d always imagined herself as a mother, falling in love with her baby, but she’d also always imagined she would continue to work. Would she be like Cam? Would she fall so desperately in love with her children that she’d give up her career—to stay home with her children? In her case, there was no question of Derek’s ability to support them if she didn’t work. His real estate sales were into seven figures last year.

She wouldn’t even tell that to Cam; that would not make her feel any better right now. Ironically, Krissa was the one who’d assumed she’d continue on with her career. Even though she barely had a career. And yet…she really had no idea how she would feel once she held her baby in her arms.

She ached at the thought that she would never know.

“Don’t have kids, Kris. It’s too hard.”

Krissa looked away. In all this time, she’d never told Cam that she and Derek had been trying. Had never confessed her deepest longing. And now she couldn’t share the agony she felt about Derek’s sterility and his decision to not have kids.

Sometimes she wanted to spill it all and share it with someone, and Cam was her best friend. Other times, she was glad Cam didn’t know, because it seemed so pathetic to want something so badly and have it constantly out of reach. But at this moment, Krissa felt anger. Cam was so goddamn lucky and she didn’t even know it. It pissed her off so much. Rage bubbled inside her.

“You love your kids,” she choked out.

“Yeah. But life was so much easier without them.”

Krissa paused to grab control of her emotions. “Oh, Cam. How can you say things like that? I hope you don’t say that in front of the twins.”

Cam’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit. You’re totally right. I’m going to warp them. They’re going to turn into serial killers because they thought I didn’t want them.”

“Why did you have another baby? If things were so hard.” She tried to soften her voice so it didn’t sound like an accusation.

Cam grimaced. “Why do you think? We didn’t plan it.”

Krissa’s heart squeezed. How many times had she heard this story? It was almost a cliché—it seemed like every pregnant woman she knew had gotten knocked up accidentally. Meanwhile, she’d been trying for years and couldn’t. And now she never would.

The empty ache spread inside her. She’d come here to remove herself from the discomfort of staying home with Nate, only to find herself getting dragged down again into the despair of being childless.

She stood up and went over to where Benjamin and Alexander played. They were being so good. Some child time was what she needed.

“Hey, guys,” she said, dropping to the floor beside them.

“Auntie Kwissie,” Ben said. He jumped onto her lap, almost knocking her over and she laughed and hugged him. “Pway wiff us.”

And she did.

On the drive home, she realized that being with Cam and her children had plunged her back into the pool of longing for a child. She gripped the steering wheel tightly.

She would talk to Derek again. There were many things she didn’t bother arguing with him about. She liked a peaceful life—arguing made her tense and miserable. But this…she couldn’t let something this important drop. She’d find a way to convince him. There must be a way.

She nibbled her bottom lip as she drove, thoughts careening around in her head.

Her first choice would be a sperm donor. Then at least half the baby’s DNA would be hers. Surely to God Derek could love a child that was hers? Suppose she’d had a child before they met. He’d love that child, too, wouldn’t he?

She flicked on her blinker and turned the wheel, pulling into the driveway of their home. She parked, put the car in gear, turned off the ignition, but still sat there, mind churning.

Maybe they just had to find the right donor. She’d already told him they could pick someone who looked just like him. But…what if they had a family member who would do it? Would that be weird? It almost seemed…incestuous. But Derek had no brothers, and no male cousins either. And neither did she.

A friend.

Krissa went very still, lifted her eyes to the house. Her body tightened and she swallowed. What if…she closed her eyes.

Impossible. It was impossible.

But she had to try it. If Derek would even consider it…it was worth a shot.

She tried to clamp down on the excitement lurching inside her as she hurried into the house.

She called out a hello to Nate in his bedroom, then went straight to her office and shut the door. “I need to talk to you,” she said urgently into the phone.

“I’ll be home for dinner,” Derek said. “Be home by six at the latest tonight. I promise.”

Krissa shifted from one foot to the other. “Can’t you get home early tonight? This is important.”

He sighed. “I can’t, hon. I’ll get there as quick as I can. What’s going on?”

“I just need to ask you something. I have an idea…”

“About what?”

What the hell did he think it was about? She held the phone away from her ear and scowled at it. “What color to paint the kitchen,” she said bitterly. “Okay, fine, we’ll talk when you get here.”

“Okay, babe, see you later.”

She dropped the phone. Damn. Patience wasn’t one of her strengths. When she got an idea in her head, she needed to do something about it. Now.

She turned on her computer. She’d researched sperm donation but not how it worked when you used the sperm of someone you knew.

She sank into her chair and covered the mouse with her hand, propping her chin on her other hand.

She heard the knock at her door and jumped. Her eyes flew back to the computer screen. “Uh…hang on.” She quickly closed the window. “Come in.”

“Hey.” Nate stood in the door, looking big and gorgeous in his jeans and close-fitting T-shirt. God, he was a hot guy.

She gulped. That wasn’t an appropriate thought.

“Hi.” She smiled brightly.

“I was wondering about joining a gym,” he said, taking a step into her office. “I still feel kind of puny after being sick.” He may have been sick but he was a long way from puny, with lots of muscle definition under that T-shirt.

“Uh…you want to work out?”

“Yeah. I lost a lot of weight—I’d like to bulk up a bit.”

He’d always been an athlete. Being fit and strong was important to him. She blinked. “You look really good.” Shit.

“Uh…thanks.” He shoved his hand through his hair.

“Well, um…Derek has a gym downstairs. Not a lot of stuff—a universal gym, a bench, some weights, a treadmill. You’re welcome to use it.”

“Hey. That’s great. Since I don’t have a vehicle.”

“You can use my car anytime. Well, if I don’t need it. Tomorrow I’ll be out all day doing presentations for one of my clients, but otherwise you can use it.”

“I should think about renting a car, maybe. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be here.”

“Yeah, I guess you could do that.” She still sat perched on the edge of her chair and she drummed her fingers on the arm.

They looked at each other. The damn glasses hid his eyes so she had no idea if he was feeling as tense as she was. His posture gave away nothing, although she thought he did look a little stiff. Her eyes dropped to his crotch, then skittered away.

Jesus. What was wrong with her? Last night had obviously stirred up some hormones or something.

“I’ll go check it out,” Nate said, and disappeared.

She slumped back in the chair.

Chapter Ten

After dinner, which Krissa threw together haphazardly, too distracted to care about what she cooked or ate, she dragged Derek into their bedroom. Nate gave them a funny look and she realized he thought she was so horny she was taking Derek in there to jump him. She almost laughed. If he only knew how mechanical their sex life had been lately.

“What?” Derek asked as she pushed him down to sit on the side of the bed. She sat beside him, turned sideways to face him, legs crossed.

“Okay,” she began, practically vibrating. “I have an idea. About having a baby.”

His face darkened. “Oh, Krissa. I thought we were done with that.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes.

“I know. But just listen. I can sort of understand not wanting to adopt. But a sperm donor would mean half the baby’s genes are mine. Half me, Derek. Wouldn’t you love a baby that was half me?” She pleaded for understanding with her eyes fastened on his.

“I don’t know.” He looked away, put his hand to the back of his head. His mouth straightened into a grim line. “I don’t think so.”

“What if…” she paused, swallowed. “What if the sperm donor was someone we knew? Someone we loved? Wouldn’t that make it better?”

He frowned, looked back at her. “What are you talking about?”

She rose up onto her knees, grabbed his arm. “I’m talking about asking someone we know to be the sperm donor. If it was someone close to us, that would be the next best thing, wouldn’t it?”

He just stared at her. She waited.

“I’m…I’m talking about Nate, Derek.” She bit her lip.

His eyebrows shot up. “What the…?”

She nodded, kept her eyes on him. “He’s your best friend. He knows about us. He’s the only one who does. You love him like a brother, and I…” Her throat stopped working momentarily. “I like him too. He’s a great guy. Smart. Talented. Good-looking.”

Derek frowned.

“He’s your friend,” she rushed on. Her fingers tightened on his arm. She felt the crisp hairs, the tight cords of muscle and sinew under warm skin. Her eyes roamed over his face, waiting for him to respond.

“That’s insane.”

She sat back onto her heels. Air whooshed out of her lungs.

“No it’s not.” She gripped him tighter. “It’s a perfect idea. Just think about it, Derek.”

He shook his head, looked like he was in pain. “It’s crazy, Krissa.”

“People do it all the time. I was on the internet. Women donate eggs to family members. Guys donate sperm. Women even act as surrogate mothers and donate their uterus for the baby. This would be nothing like that. And what could be better than having someone you know and love do that for us?”

Derek stood up, walked across to the window and stared out.

She waited. Waited. Waited. It seemed like he was thinking about it, despite his protests.

He put a hand on the window sill and leaned forward.

“Derek?”

Slowly, she unfolded her legs and slid off the bed. She moved up behind him, put her arms around his waist, laid her cheek on his broad back.

“What makes you think he would do that?”

She bit her lip. “I don’t know. I don’t know if he’d agree to it. He might.”

“Jesus, Krissa. It seems weird to me.”

“Would you think about it? Please?”

He said nothing for a long moment. “I’ll think about it.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered. He turned and wrapped his arms around her and she hugged him back. “Thank you.”

“Don’t say anything to him.”

“Of course not! You have to agree, and then we’d have to ask him…he might not want to do it.” Her tummy flipped at the thought that he could say no. Oh, what if Derek agreed but Nate wouldn’t?

They’d deal with that when they had to. If they had to.

“We‘ve gotten approval to manufacture a new medication that treats Alzheimers.”

The Vice President of Human Resources at Austerlitz Pharmaceuticals leaned on the table in the board room where they met. Krissa nodded.

“This is completely different than our others products. Our salesmen don’t know how to market this to doctors. We need to hire a new sales team with the right kinds of skills to sell this drug.”

“I think it’s wonderful that you recognize the different skill sets required, and recognize that your current sales team doesn’t have them.”

It was difficult to keep her mind on recruitment and selection when all she could think about was Nate and his sperm. Well. She forced her mind back to the discussion.

The HR Manager, Niles Arnett, nodded. “We knew that early on. The new product will be ready to market in two months. Is that long enough to recruit a new sales team? We aren’t sure what we’re looking for.”

“Two months is tight,” she said. “Very tight. I’ll need to do some research. Do you have information about the demographics?”

They provided her with a folder full of promotional information about the new drug, and she asked a few more questions, took notes, working hard to keep her focus.

“I’ll have a plan to you within a week,” she told them as they all stood. She shook hands with the men in the room. “I’m looking forward to working with you again.”

It helped that she’d done a fourteen-month stint in their HR department a few years ago, knew the players and understood the business.

When she left she felt a ripple of pleasure at the new contract, but her mind quickly went back to making a baby. Her stomach clenched. God, she hoped Derek would agree to ask Nate.

Nate heard the phone at the same time as he heard the door open. Probably Krissa home from work. He wasn’t sure if he should answer it anyway. She picked up mid-ring and he wandered from his bedroom to the kitchen where she talked.

“Hello?” She paused “What’s wrong?” Again she listened. “Do what, honey?”

Nate walked into the kitchen to see Krissa leaning against the counter. Her powder blue suit hugged every curve, the short jacket nipped into her waist, the skirt ending just above her knees. He’d seen her legs, of course; she wore shorts all the time, but today those legs ended in a pair of sexy stilettos. Wow.

“Do you want me to come over? Where’s Eric? Oh.” Krissa glanced at Nate. “I’ll come over, then. Be there in…twenty minutes.”

She hung up the phone and straightened. “Hi. Gotta go.”

He arched a brow.

“My friend Cameron is having a meltdown.” She started toward him, removing her suit jacket as she walked, exposing a silk blouse in shades of blue that resembled a water-color print.

“What’s the problem?” He stepped aside so she could get though the door. She sighed.

“The usual. She’s overwhelmed and her husband is out.”

“Want me to come?”

She shook her head. “No, that’s okay. Sorry to leave you again, though.”

He shrugged, followed her down the hall. “Are you sure? I could help.”

She stopped in the door of her bedroom. He’d been about to follow her in there. Whoa. He was getting way too comfortable there.

“You’ve had a long day, too,” he pointed out.

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll just change and we can go.”

She closed the door and he backed off. She looked so professional, she seemed like a different person than cute, casual Krissa. The sleek hair, the makeup, the suit, the heels…it was kind of intimidating.

When she emerged, she’d changed into a short denim skirt and a tank top. Still looked damn delicious. She grabbed her keys and purse. “Okay, let’s go.”

“Does this happen often?” he asked, as they drove.

“Not often. But it has happened before. Just since the baby was born.”

“How old is the baby?”

“Emma’s three months old. The twins are three. They’re a handful. And Emma’s a pretty good baby, but you know…all babies are work. And she’s had these colicky spells.” Krissa shook her head. “She doesn’t stop crying for hours. I think that’s what’s happening. It makes Cam insane.”

A baby screaming non-stop. What was he getting himself into? Nate grimaced.

A short time later they pulled up in front of a small cottage on a palm-lined street. It was nowhere near the mansion that Krissa and Derek owned, but it was nice. Not that big. Probably crowded with three kids.

Krissa rang the door bell but didn’t wait, just let herself in with an easy familiarity. “I’m here,” she called out. Nate immediately heard the harsh, exhausted cries of a baby.

“Sit down!” a woman’s voice screamed. “Just. Sit. Down!”

Nate followed Krissa to the back of the house to a family room off the kitchen. The baby’s cries grew louder, joined by the frightened sobs of a toddler.

A woman stood there, baby in her arms. Tears streaked both the woman’s face and the baby’s scarlet cheeks. The two children sat on the floor, one crying, the other near to tears. A bowl of cereal had been dumped onto the carpet, milk seeping in a circle around it.

One small boy covered his face with his hands. He looked so forlorn, Nate’s chest squeezed.

The baby continued to howl, Cameron continued to cry and the twins both began sobbing.

What a nightmare.