Текст книги "Rule of Three"

Автор книги: Kelly Jamieson

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter Eighteen

She couldn’t go home. Chris was there. She couldn’t go to her parents. There was only one place she could go.

Hailey opened the door of her small apartment and the surprise on her face quickly morphed into concern. “Hey,” she said, eyebrows pulled together. “Are you okay?”

Kassidy shook her head. She walked in, collapsed onto a chair and buried her face in her hands.

“Kassidy.”

She felt the warmth of Hailey’s hand as she touched her back. They weren’t the kind of sisters who hugged and touched each other. Hell, they barely talked to each other sometimes. But the gesture comforted her in some small, weird way.

“I’m okay,” she finally said, lifting her head. She dragged her palms over wet cheeks, pushed her hair off her face. “I think.”

“What the hell happened?” Hailey took a seat on her couch, her knees almost touching Kassidy’s at a right angle. Hailey’s legs were bare beneath the frayed edge of a pair of jean cut-offs. “It’s not Mom, is it?”

“No.” She squeezed the word out of a tight throat. “Not Mom.”

She leaned back and rested her head against the back of the chair, closed her eyes. Pain throbbed inside her, along with a swirl of confusion. “It’s a long story.”

“I’m sure it is.” But Hailey’s voice held none of her usual mocking tone. “Did you come here to tell me? Or just to…come here?”

“I don’t know. I just know I can’t go home.”

Hailey frowned. “You and Chris? Did you have a fight?”

“Sort of. My life is so messed up, Hailey.” She pressed the heels of her hands to her aching eyes. “I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know what to do.”

Silence blanketed the room, but that was okay. Hailey probably didn’t know what to say and wisely didn’t say anything.

Finally Hailey did speak. “I know you probably don’t want advice from me, and that’s okay. I’m not exactly the best person to give advice anyway. But if you just want to talk…sometimes that helps.”

“Yeah.” Kassidy moved her head, eyes still closed. “Yeah. Okay.”

She told Hailey about her and Chris and Dag. Hailey listened and didn’t say much, and Kassidy appreciated that. She did not want someone judging her or telling her what a stupid idiot she’d been—because she already knew that.

“So Dag’s in love with Chris,” Hailey repeated slowly. “And Chris has no idea?”

“Nope. Never has. And Dag doesn’t want him to know.”

“Well. That sucks for Dag.” She eyed Kassidy curiously. “So why are you so upset?”

That was the big question, wasn’t it? Kassidy drew her shredded dignity around her as best she could, tried to gather up her running-wild thoughts. “I think I…sort of fell in love with Dag.”

Hailey’s mouth opened. Closed. She blinked.

“Not like you think,” Kassidy added. “I still love Chris. I think…oh god, this is crazy. I think I love both of them.”

Hailey blinked again. “Oh.”

Kassidy licked her lips, looked at her hands, her fingers twisting together. “But it hurts. I thought Dag cared about me too, and it hurts to think he was just using to me to get to Chris.”

“Ah.”

Kassidy lifted her head. Once again, Hailey had a holy-fucking-shit look on her face, though she said only that one word.

“And I’m terrified. Because I think Chris might have feelings for Dag. He won’t admit it. He’s such a stubborn ass.”

“What makes you think that?” Hailey’s words were a bare whisper, her eyes wide.

Kassidy couldn’t tell her what had happened last night. It was too personal. Too secret. Chris would kill her if Hailey knew about that. “I just…have a feeling. Some things…that happened.” She shrugged.

“I can’t believe that, Kassidy. Really. Chris loves you. He’s crazy about you. It’s so obvious, always has been.” Hailey gave a short laugh. “It’s enough to make me jealous.”

Jealous? Kassidy peered at her sister through gritty, swollen eyes. Hailey jealous of her? Yeah right.

“That’s not to say he doesn’t care about Dag. But…”

“Would a guy let another guy suck his dick if he wasn’t into that?”

Hailey didn’t even flinch. She met Kassidy’s gaze steadily. “I’ve met people who are…just…attracted to other people. It doesn’t matter if they’re male or female. It’s just some kind of chemistry or attraction.”

Kassidy nodded. Was that Dag? Mind-bogglingly, she was grateful for Hailey’s experience and her acceptance of the question for what it was. Jesus, her world had turned upside down and inside out.

Then, her body trembling, her stomach in knots, she spoke aloud the words that scared her the most, the ones she had to drag from way down deep inside, hoping that saying them aloud would take the fear out of them. “If Chris cares about Dag…and Dag cares about him…where does that leave me?”

“Oh Kassie.” Hailey swallowed. “You’re fine. I told you Chris loves you. Go home to him. Talk to him. Dag’s leaving and you two will be fine.”

“Can I just let Dag leave? Can I just let that happen, knowing they might…never see each other again? That they might…”

Hailey’s face flickered with emotions. “Are you asking for my advice?”

“No. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do! How can I live with myself if I never tell Chris the truth…about how Dag feels for him? What if that makes a difference? I’m so afraid! What if he really wants to be with Dag? Can I spend the rest of my life wondering that, keeping that secret inside me?”

Hailey bit her lip.

“But if I tell him, what if he decides he’d rather be with Dag than with me?”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Hailey leaned forward. “Chris loves you, Kass. You know that.”

Kassidy nodded, twisting her fingers together so tightly they hurt. Her eyes stung with more tears. “I just don’t want to lose him! But…maybe I already have.” The agony inside her burst out then in harsh, painful sobs and she bent over the arm of the chair, crying in breath-stealing, gut-wrenching gusts.

Why had they done this crazy ménage thing? How could they have blindly thought they could just all have sex together without any of this happening? They must have been out of their minds. The enormity of it rose up inside her, terrible, unbearable, painful.

They’d messed up their lives so thoroughly Kassidy couldn’t see at that point how this was ever going to be okay. And maybe that’s what she deserved.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped long moments later. Hailey handed her tissues. “Thanks.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I wish I could do more to help.”

She shook her head, mopping up. Her face felt hot and tight, eyes burning. “I got myself into this. But thanks.”

Stunningly, Hailey reached out and took her hand. “Kassidy. I…” She looked at Kassidy and nibbled her bottom lip again, her eyes dark with anxiety. “I…know we haven’t been close. It’s hard to be your sister.”

Kassidy’s eyes flew wide. What?

“You’re so goddamn perfect,” Hailey continued in a low voice. “I couldn’t ever be as good as you. So I didn’t even try. I just tried to be bad. But I want you to know I never would wish this on you. Truly. Your perfect life, your perfect job, your perfect boyfriend. I envied you. Even when I discovered you having a hot threesome with two gorgeous guys, I was envious. But I never… I hate seeing you like this. I really do.”

“Oh Hailey.” Kassidy stared at her, mouth open. Hailey was jealous of her? That was just freaky. Because she’d been jealous of Hailey.

Life was so strange. When you could be jealous of the things someone else had at the same time they were jealous of what you had. Why couldn’t everyone just be grateful for who they were and what they had without comparing it to others? Why was she like that with Hailey? Just because they were sisters? Was it because Kassidy really did deep down inside love her and that’s why she had the power to make her so angry, so frustrated, the power to make her feel so insecure and inferior? But then Hailey must care about Kassidy too, if she made her feel the same way. They made each other feel bad even though they never intended to, even though you were supposed to make the people you cared about feel good. There was something wrong with that, but she couldn’t figure it all out at that moment; it was beyond her.

Hailey reached for Kassidy’s hands and they sat there for a moment, all four of their hands clasped together.

Kassidy sighed. “Oh Hailey. How can you be jealous of me, for being so good? When all I wanted was to be bad for once. That’s what got me into this mess. I was tired of being the good girl. You made me feel like some kind of boring prude, and I wanted some adventure, I wanted to do something naughty.”

“That’s why you did that?” Hailey’s eyebrows flew up into her hairline.

“Well. That was part of it.” Kassidy paused. “Thank you,” she finally said. “For being here for me. I still don’t know what to do, but thank you.”

Hailey nodded, her mouth soft and trembly, her throat working. “And just for the record, I think Dag cares about you too.” Hailey met her eyes. “That night at Mom and Dad’s, he was acting very protective of you. And I’m telling you Chris loves you too. I don’t think you have to worry about your relationship with him.”

Kassidy blinked wetly at her. She swallowed. And at that moment, even though Hailey didn’t say it, Kassidy thought that maybe Hailey loved her too.

Dag had said you didn’t have to love family. He’d said you loved the people you chose to love. But Kassidy wasn’t so sure it was a choice–her feelings for Hailey were there.

Was it a choice to love Chris? She’d always thought falling in love was something that happened to you, not something you chose. Did she choose to love Dag? Maybe you could love more than one person, if you chose to. Could you?

Could Dag? Could Chris?

Chris sprawled on the couch, bare feet propped on the coffee table, a baseball game on the television. He had no fucking clue what the score was, in fact, he didn’t even know who the hell was playing. He just stared at it while his mind churned.

He’d called Kassidy’s cell phone but she wasn’t answering. Where the hell had she gone? What was she so pissed off about? It gave him a headache thinking about all this emotional crap and he didn’t like it, not one bit. His gut felt like a stone had lodged inside it and his chest ached. He glared at the television. Wanted to punch it.

Fuck.

He blamed fucking Dag. Why had he had to go and do something so lame-assed stupid? But that memory had the disturbing effect of making his dick twitch.

Jesus Christ. He could not be turned on by that. It was fucking insane. No wonder Kassidy was pissed off at him.

No, that wasn’t right. He heaved a sigh. That’s not what she was mad about. She was pissed off at him, but he wasn’t getting why.

Because he’d sent Dag away?

Yeah, that might be it. She’d been all riled up when he’d invited Dag to stay without consulting her. This time she probably wanted him to talk to her before he’d asked Dag to leave. Except he hadn’t exactly asked Dag to leave, hadn’t admitted to her that he’d kicked Dag’s ass out of there.

That had been a fucking clusterfuck of a scene, confronting Dag that morning. He’d dragged Dag’s ass out of bed before Kassidy woke up, then told him to pack his stuff and get the hell out.

His gut cramped. He rubbed the sharp pain in the middle of his chest. What a fucking mess.

The sound of the door opening had him jumping to his feet.

Kassidy.

“Hey,” he said, relief pouring through him like Niagara Falls. She walked in, looking like she’d come from a fucking funeral.

“I went to see Dag.”

He took a step back, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. “Dag.” She’d been gone a long time. Hours. Shit.

“Yeah.”

Christ, she looked like hell. He’d never seen her so distraught–her eyes all red and swollen, her nose red, lips puffy, face blotchy. She was such a beautiful mess.

“Are you okay? C’mere, sweetheart, you’ve been crying…”

“Oh Chris.”

She melted into his arms and he held her tightly, pressed his face against her hair, inhaled the familiar scent of it. They stood there, swaying a little, hearts beating in tandem. “I love you, sweetheart. I do. So much.”

“Really?”

She looked up at him with big, wet eyes.

“Of course.” He frowned. “I know I pissed you off. I should have talked to you before I asked Dag to leave, but…I was mad too, and…”

She choked on a laugh. “You think that’s why I’m mad at you?”

“Hell, I don’t have a hot fucking clue why you’re mad at me,” he said helplessly. “You know I’m not good at shit like this. Are you mad because of the whole threesome thing? That we made you do that?”

“I did it of my own free will,” she said. “I can’t blame you or Dag for that. I had the chance to stop it and I didn’t. And I loved it.” Her voice snagged on the last words and she swiped some tears. “I’m sure as hell mad at myself for doing it though, considering how things have turned out.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. Dag’s gone, and we’re going to be fine.”

“That’s what Hailey said.”

He frowned. “You went to see Hailey?”

“I didn’t know where else to go. You know what? It was good.” She waved a hand. “I’ll tell you about that later. But we need to talk.”

Shit. Sure they did, and he’d rather eat a pair of Kassidy’s high-heeled shoes than have this conversation, but it was going to happen, sure as shit, he knew that. He sighed.

“Let’s sit.”

They sat side by side on the couch, Kassidy turned to face him. His heart constricted at the sight of her poor little face all swollen and red, the misery in her eyes, the quivering of her soft mouth. He touched his fingertips to her bottom lip.

“I went to see Dag. We talked. He says he’s leaving Tuesday morning to go back to San Francisco.”

Chris nodded. His body tightened, heart ached.

Kassidy drew in a long breath and let it out on a shaky exhale. “He told me something. Something in confidence. He doesn’t want you to know this, but I…” She stopped and breathed again. Chris’s gut clenched even more. “I’ve thought about it and I decided I have to tell you. I can’t live the rest of our lives keeping this from you.” Her eyes met his, hers liquid and dark, full of emotion.

“What is it?” His voice came out scratchy. He cleared his throat. “Oh fuck, Kass. Don’t tell me.”

He turned away and closed his eyes, blades slicing his insides open. He’d been afraid Kassidy had fallen in love with Dag. She’d gone to him. Had Dag fallen in love with her too?

Chapter Nineteen

Fuck. Fuck everything in the world. If he lost Kassidy… Pain seized Chris in a crushing grip.

He’d already lost Dag. That was bad enough. But to lose both of them…to each other? He wanted to puke up the coffee he’d downed earlier.

“I have to tell you,” she said softly. “You’re not going to like it.”

No. No. No. His head spun.

“Chris. Dag’s in love with you.”

The words pierced the fog swirling in his brain. He knew it. He fucking– What? His brain screeched to a halt like a record on a turntable. What had she said? His head snapped around.

“He’s… What did you say?” His eyes squinted at her.

“He’s in love with you. He always has been.”

He blinked at her. Wheels turning, processing information, but the hard drive in his brain was short circuiting and it wasn’t computing. “You’re telling me he’s gay?”

Dag had sucked his cock. Licked his balls. Put his finger… Chris shook his head. “He can’t be gay.”

“He says he likes men and women. But he’s in love with you.” Her voice cracked. She sucked in another quivering breath. “I had to tell you. So I know…whatever happens…we’re not living a lie.”

He stared at her, his forehead tight, body rigid. “Living a lie.”

She nodded, holding his gaze.

“What are you saying?” he asked carefully.

“I’m just saying…if you have any feelings for Dag…any…you need to tell him. To talk to him about it. To figure out what you want to do about it.”

“He’s my friend.”

His brain went empty. Total vacuum.

“I know,” she whispered, touching his cheek. “I know you love him as a friend. I know that, Chris. You missed him so much. You were so happy he was back. I’ve seen you together, how much fun you have, how much you guys care about each other. I should have realized sooner what it all meant…” She closed her eyes. “But maybe I was in denial too, thinking that I could be part of it.”

Still blank. Nothing. Wheels turning.

“Uh…no, Kass.”

“You should go talk to him.” Her fingers caressed his jaw, rubbing over the stubble he hadn’t bothered to shave off that morning. “Whatever. Only you really know how you feel. But you can’t let him leave like this.”

Oh, hell yeah, he could.

Hell no, he couldn’t.

Gut twisting, chest throbbing, head spinning, he could only stare at her. How could she be telling him to do that? How could she send him away? Who did she love? Him? Or Dag? It made no sense. “I love you, Kassidy.”

“I know.” Her mouth quivered into a small smile. “I know.”

“What if I don’t? I mean, what if I don’t go talk to him.”

She gazed at him. “I don’t know, Chris. I don’t know if we can be together unless you sort this out.”

“I don’t get it. If you’re thinking that I’ve been in the closet and hiding it from you all this time, that’s the—”

She shook her head. “I don’t think that. But if you don’t talk to him, if you don’t figure out yourself what your feelings are for him, I’ll spend the rest of our lives wondering about it. Hurting for Dag. Hurting for us. If you go see Dag and you guys talk and you come back to me, and Dag goes back to San Francisco and that’s the way our lives are going to be—fine.” A flicker of what looked like pain passed over her face. “If you go see Dag and you…” A small sob hiccupped her words. “If things turn out differently, well, then…”

Chris shook his head.

“I just don’t want to spend the rest of our lives not knowing the truth.”

“Kassidy. I’ll go see him if it will make you happy. But you gotta believe me–I don’t want to lose you.”

“Go see him.”

“I’ll…think about it.”

“He’s leaving Tuesday morning.”

Pressure built inside him. “I’ll…maybe tomorrow.”

How was she supposed to concentrate on work?

Kassidy almost considered going home sick Monday morning, but she’d missed so much time lately because of her mother she just couldn’t do it. The project was already behind schedule and she had a million things to do, not to mention check on her mother. Mom had another doctor appointment this week and she needed to make sure her dad was able to take her, and she had training proposals to review and…she couldn’t focus on any of that because she kept going over and over in her head her conversations with Dag and Chris.

And Chris, the big stubborn jerk, was sitting in his office pretending their life hadn’t just fallen apart, procrastinating on going to see Dag, and Dag was leaving…leaving! Tomorrow!

“Kassidy, did you sign off on those invoices?” Her boss, Paul, appeared in her office door.

“Um. Yeah. I gave them to…no, they’re right here. But I signed them…” She handed them over.

“No. You didn’t.” He frowned at them.

“Oh. Sorry! Here, I’ll just…” She reached for them.

“Did you review them?”

“Yes, of course. I mean, I think I did…”

“Kassidy, are you okay?” He squinted at her.

“Of course! I’m fine.” She flashed a smile.

“How’s your mom doing?”

“She’s doing okay. It will be a while before she’s…before…” To her horror and embarrassment her throat tightened on a huge sob and tears started running down her face.

“Oh Jeez.” Paul backed up a step. “Uh, Kass…you want…you should…why don’t you go home.”

“No.” She snatched up some tissues from the box on her desk. “No, I can’t go home. I mean, I’m fine.”

“But…”

“I’m sorry.” God, how unprofessional, breaking down in tears in the office. “I’m just a little stressed right now. I just need a minute.”

“I’ll send uh…Laura to check on you.” He disappeared.

She laid her head down on the desk. God, all she needed was to fall apart at work and get canned right now. She had to get a grip. It took all she had to get the tears under control, repair her makeup, and then head to the elevator to go see Chris.

He was in a meeting.

“Tell him to call me when he’s out,” she said to his admin assistant with a smile. Jessica was looking at her oddly, no doubt observing her swollen eyes and red nose, which she’d tried to camouflage with powder. In a couple of hours, rumors would be winding their way through the office grapevine that she and Chris were having “problems”. She knew how it worked.

Ha. If people only knew! The thought of the grapevine getting hold of the real juicy scuttlebutt almost made her laugh as she took the elevator back to her own office.

Chris didn’t call her.

She refused to go back to his office and add more juice to the rumor mill, so she called him and left one voice mail message, sent him one text message. Goddammit, he was ignoring her.

He was going to ignore this problem until Dag was gone and it was too late to do anything about it. Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn!

But why was she pushing him? She knew the risk she was taking. Maybe whatever happened, happened, and it would all be for the best. Impotent anger rose inside her, though, and in a stellar display of passive-aggressiveness, she left the office half an hour early and took the train home. Without Chris.

Dag had polished off the better part of a bottle of Scotch provided by room service–not one of those useless little bottles out of the mini bar–and was thinking about going down to the hotel restaurant for something to eat when he heard the knock on his door.

Who the hell was that? He hadn’t ordered any more booze, although that wasn’t a bad idea. He climbed to his feet from where he slouched in the chair, lurched across the room. Without bothering to check through the peephole, he yanked the door open.

Chris.

His heart stopped.

He stared.

Then his heart slammed in his chest like a sledgehammer. “What are you doing here?”

Chris stood there in a damn suit and tie and stared back at Dag through baleful, shadowed eyes.

“Oh fuck,” Dag groaned, shoving a hand in his hair. “She told you.”

“Yeah. Let me in, asshole.”

Dag stepped aside. Chris walked by him, filling the hotel room with his presence.

“Look,” Dag began. “I told her not to tell you. I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. I’m fine. I’m always fine. I—”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Dag snapped his mouth closed. Chris stood there, body tense, hands clenched. He didn’t exactly look happy about all this, but that definitely wasn’t pity shining in his eyes.

Dag narrowed his eyes at his friend. “Don’t tell me what to do,” he snapped. “You kicked me out, now it’s my turn. Get out.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. Jeez.”

“So what? I felt like getting shitfaced. What’s it to you?”

Chris rolled his eyes.

“And why’re you here anyway?” Dag planted his feet apart and folded his arms across his chest, frowning at Chris.

“Kassidy made me come.”

Great.

“She has this fucking weird idea that—” He stopped.

“Yeah. I know. She told me. I know she’s wrong. Don’t worry, Chris. I dealt with this a long time ago.”

“I hate this shit.”

“I know.”

Chris sighed. “I’ve been thinking about it all day. All last night too. Thinking about how I’d feel if I lost Kassidy. I love her, Dag.”

“I know.”

“It would kill me.”

“Yeah. Oh, goddammit, you do feel sorry for me. Jesus Christ, Chris…”

Chris took three steps across the carpet and was in his face, his fist grabbing hold of Dag’s T-shirt. “I don’t fucking feel sorry for you, all right? Would you get off the damn pity train?”

Dag thrust his arm up between his body and Chris’s, dislodging his grip of his shirt. He shoved Chris away from him.

“Hey!” Chris stumbled but came back at him, shoved him back. Dag grabbed hold of him, fury and frustration boiling up inside him, boiling over, out of control, and he swung at Chris’s face, connecting with his jaw. It wasn’t the hardest punch, Chris holding on to him too, but Chris grunted and swore.

They wrestled, shoving, trying to land punches, a haze of red in front of Dag’s eyes, until Chris hooked one foot around his leg and took him to the floor. Hard. Stars sparkled in front of his eyes, his breath whooshed out of him. “Fuck you!” He drew back to pummel Chris, and then realized Chris had him pinned beneath him on the floor. Chris outweighed him, not by much, though their strength was probably evenly matched, but Chris was looking down at him, his face only inches from his, breathing heavily. His pupils exploded, his lips parted.

They stared at each other.

The world shrank away, Dag’s awareness narrowing to the face in front of him, the hard body pressed to his, the heat of Chris’s skin scorching him, Chris’s eyes burning him.

“Fuck you,” Dag whispered. He reached a hand up, grabbed Chris’s tie and yanked his head toward him until Chris’s mouth smashed into his. Chris made some kind of sound, something deep down and agonized, and then Dag’s heart nearly exploded as Chris kissed him back.

Their mouths moved against each other, hard, grinding, teeth knocking, opening wider. Dag’s tongue plunged into Chris’s mouth, bringing another tortured sound from Chris’s throat.

This couldn’t be happening. Dag’s head spun, his hands tightened on the other man. Chris. Chris. Oh god, it was Chris, kissing him, and fuck, it was heaven.

Their tongues slid, Dag nipped Chris’s bottom lip then licked it, sucked his tongue into his mouth until Chris gasped. “Jesus.”

This was probably another fucking huge mistake he was going to regret, but he couldn’t stop now, couldn’t stop breathing, couldn’t stop his heart from beating, couldn’t stop kissing Chris.

He’d dreamed of this. He’d beaten off thinking about this, he’d fucked other men pretending they were Chris. He’d wanted this, always, this man, with everything he had–his body, his heart, his soul. With a long, deep groan, he rolled, pushing Chris’s heavy body off him, moving over him. His cock surged to life, and he pressed against Chris’s pelvis as he kissed him again and again, brutal, ferocious kisses of pent-up need and repressed longing.

“Fuck you,” he whispered again against Chris’s mouth. “I don’t know whether to love you or hate you.”

“I’m leaning toward hating you right now,” Chris gasped.

“Don’t try to tell me you didn’t want that. Jesus, you are so fucking stubborn.”

Chris said nothing.

Dag looked down at him, their chests heaving against each other.

“Christ, Chris. Don’t do this to me.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I want! All right?”

They stared back at each other, silence expanding around them, only the sound of their rasping breaths filling the room, Chris’s green eyes wide, his lips wet and shiny.

Fuck he was gorgeous. Dag closed his eyes briefly against the sight, and against the mix of emotions swirling in Chris’s eyes–denial, confusion, arousal.

Chris finally said, “Get the hell off me.”

“No.” And Dag kissed him again. Long, sliding kisses, savoring the feel of Chris’s mouth under his, Chris’s tongue in his mouth, in case this was the last time, the only time he ever got to do this. He cupped Chris’s jaw, slid his other hand into his hair, the strands short and silky, his skull large and firm beneath.

Dag’s cock throbbed insistently, sensation sizzling over his flesh, need stabbing into his balls in sharp, hot spears. Fiery heat built inside him and he rocked his hips urgently against Chris, shifting so he could feel…oh yeah, Chris was hard too. He might be confused or in denial or who the hell knew what he was feeling, but his body wanted this even if he didn’t.

Dag shoved Chris’s suit jacket out of the way so there was less fabric between their hot skin, slid a hand down and rubbed Chris’s erection, straining beneath the fly of his trousers.

“Jesus,” he breathed into Chris’s mouth. “You’re so fucking hard.”

Chris groaned, turned his head away from Dag’s mouth. “Dag…”

“You want this.”

Dag moved his weight until his aching hard-on pressed against Chris, and he rubbed and shifted against him, sensation building inside him, tighter and hotter. He could come like this, just like this, not even inside him, just being with him…and he could make him come too.

But he couldn’t do it. Not like this.

He groaned and rolled off Chris onto his back on the floor, his cock throbbing, his lungs straining. He stared at the ceiling, at the stippled texture of the white plaster.

“We have to talk,” he finally said. He should sit up, but he didn’t move.

Finally Chris rolled over and got to his knees. “Yeah. Get up.” He rubbed flushed cheeks, swiped a hand over his brow. “Tell me. Tell me about it.”

Dag stared back at him, heart pounding. Could he do it? Ever since they’d met years ago, he’d wanted this, but had so feared losing Chris’s friendship that he’d locked it away inside him. Locked it away and thrown away the key.

He pushed himself to sitting and they sat there on the floor, clothes rumpled, hair messed, breathing rapidly. “Aw, fuck, Chris.” He sucked in a long breath of courage. “I fell in love with you right from the start,” he confessed in a low voice. “It just happened.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I never knew, man.”

“I know. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have told you because…I valued our friendship. I didn’t want to lose that. You were such a lazy-ass slacker, I don’t know why I cared about you.”

“Musta been my good looks.”

Dag’s heart stuttered and he choked on a laugh at Chris’s unexpected joke. “Yeah, right.” His smile faded. “I never wanted you to know.”

“Had you been with…guys before?”

“Yeah. Some.”

“I never knew that.”

“I know. You made it pretty clear that disgusted you.”

Chris bent his head. “Uh. That’s not exactly true.”

Dag stared at the top of Chris’s head. “What do you mean?”