Текст книги "Rule of Three"

Автор книги: Kelly Jamieson

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter Twenty

Kassidy sat in the condo, alone. She should make some dinner. Chris was late, really late, but he still might show up, and she should eat anyway, even if he didn’t, but the thought of food just made her stomach heave.

He hadn’t returned her calls or responded to her text message. She had no idea what was going on. Was he pissed off at her for bugging him? Or for going home without him? Had he gone to see Dag?

She gazed at the three creamy pillar candles on the coffee table, sitting on the pretty carved dark wood holders Dag had picked out. The rule of three. Heat flashed in her chest.

She rose to her feet, wandered into their bedroom and flopped down on the bed, facedown, breathing in the sheets that still smelled like Chris and Dag, their masculine scents mingled with fabric softener and her own scent. Tears prickled her eyes and she stubbornly fought them back. She’d cried enough goddamn tears over this.

She rolled to her back.

Had she had some crazy idea that she could love both of them, and they’d love her back and they’d live happily ever after? Who did such a thing?

It probably happened more often than people knew. Nobody would talk about it though.

But it was crazy.

And she’d been crazy stupid to fall in love with Dag, because he’d likely only used her so he could be with Chris. Another knife sliced through her at that thought. She’d really thought he’d cared about her—once again, crazy stupid.

She remembered the tenderness of his touch, the warmth in his eyes as he looked at her, the affection and passion in his voice. She’d thought that had been for her. But it had all been for Chris. He’d come back for Chris.

She squeezed her eyes shut, though, remembering Dag looking at her like that. God, she was confused. But maybe this pain and misery, maybe losing everything was what she deserved. She was a good girl and she’d done bad things. Now she deserved whatever she got.

After several heavy beats of silence, Chris lifted his head and met Dag’s eyes. Anguish tightened his features, the corners of his eyes, his mouth, his square jaw. “When I was fourteen years old, my dad caught me…fooling around with another guy. My friend Cam.”

Dag sucked in a breath. “Jesus.”

“We were young, horny, hormonal–attracted to each other on some level, I guess, but too young and stupid to know what was going on. Things got hot and heavy and my dad walked in on us–holy fucking shit, did he flip out. I thought he was going to have a heart attack.”

Dag had met Chris’s parents a couple of times. His dad was a really nice guy but definitely a straight-laced conservative, stern and uncompromising. No doubt where Chris got his stubbornness from.

“He beat the crap out of me,” Chris continued in a low voice. “Really worked me over. He and my mom didn’t speak for weeks over it. He wouldn’t tell her why, and neither would I.”

Dag felt his stomach drop. Chris’s upbringing had seemed so privileged, so normal. He would never in a million years have thought his old man had ever beat him.

Chris’s gaze met Dag’s. “I swore I’d never do that again. You can imagine the effect that had on a teenage kid.”

“Uh. Yeah.” Shit. Dag’s heart constricted. Then he gave a crooked grin. “That just shows the difference between us, huh? If that’d happened to me with my old man, I’d’ve been out screwing every guy in sight. Just to defy him. In fact…” He shrugged. “Maybe that’s what I was doing.” He met Chris’s eyes. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“I’m not going to lie and say I lusted after you all those years. I turned that part of me off. I wouldn’t let myself go there. But you know I care about you, man. And I gotta think…” He rubbed the back of his neck, looked up at the ceiling, blinking. “That having all those threesomes with you was…”

“A way for us to be together.”

Chris’s eyes closed, his mouth a straight line, and he gave a barely perceptible nod.

Dag reached for Chris’s hand, twined his fingers between Chris’s and clasped it tightly.

“For me too,” he murmured. “Except I always knew it.”

“It was so hot,” Chris said, voice low. “Seeing you like that, being with you like that.” He swallowed. “Why’d you leave, Dag?”

“I had to leave. I knew it was never gonna happen between us, so I had to go. L.A. was okay, but I moved to San Francisco thinking things were more open there and maybe I’d find someone else. I fucked my way through guys, girls, threesomes, foursomes. I never found anyone else.”

“Ah hell, Dag.”

Chris’s eyes looked glossy as he again met Dag’s.

“I told you, don’t feel sorry for me, asshole.”

“And I told you, I don’t, dickhead.” Chris rubbed his eyes.

Dag shifted his body over the carpet, closer to Chris, cupped his jaw and lifted his face, looked at Chris’s mouth. His eyelids dropped. He moved closer. And he kissed Chris. Their mouths connected, opened, Chris’s tongue swept over his and Dag felt Chris’s hand lift and fist in the back of his T-shirt as the kiss deepened and heated.

Chris pulled away. “Stop.”

“No.”

“Stop, dammit.” Chris grabbed Dag’s head with two hands and held him away from him. His eyes blazed at him. “All right, damn you, I want this. I want you. Fuck.” His eyes dropped closed and he swallowed. “But I can’t do this to Kassidy.”

Dag’s heart plunged. He stared back at Chris.

Chris met his gaze steadily. “I can’t do this…without Kassidy.”

The sound of the door opening alerted Kassidy and she lifted her head, turned her face to the bedroom door. The outside door of the condo clicked shut. It had to be Chris. She pushed herself off the bed, ready to rush out to see him, but she paused. Her stomach tightened and her mouth went dry. She swallowed, took a long breath, no idea what she was about to face.

She stood and wiped her palms on the knee-length shorts she wore, then lifted her chin and walked out of the bedroom. In the living room she came face-to-face with Chris…and Dag.

She stared at them, eyes moving back and forth between them. They stood side by side, both big and gorgeous, Dag’s silky dark hair hanging over those wicked dark eyes, Chris’s short golden-brown hair all mussed and his suit wrinkled. She blinked.

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” he said, one corner of his mouth lifting.

A smile trembled on her lips. “I see that.”

“I went to see Dag.”

“I see that too.”

She shivered and curled her fingers into her palms.

“Kassidy.” Dag’s voice stroked over her, his eyes warmed her. She held his gaze. She was still so afraid. Maybe he saw the fear in her eyes, as his eyebrows drew down and his smile faded. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” She almost choked on the words. “What’s wrong?”

“I mean, you look terrified.” He took a step toward her, his frown deepening. “Don’t be afraid.”

Was he crazy? Her life was being ripped apart and he told her not to be afraid? She just shook her head.

“Hey. We better talk. Let’s sit down.”

She let him take her hand and lead her on shaky legs to the couch where he sat on one side of her and Chris sat on the other, after tossing his suit jacket onto a chair and loosening his tie.

She couldn’t get her throat to work, couldn’t speak as she waited for them to tell her what was going on. She wanted to appear light and nonchalant about it all, but everything inside her shivered and shook.

“Do you really love us both, Kassidy?” Chris spoke first.

She turned to him with a glare. She glanced at Dag. “Um…”

Chris took her hand in both of his, his big, warm hands playing with her fingers, stroking over the back of her knuckles. “You said you cared about Dag.”

She shot Dag another glance. She really didn’t want to spill her guts like this right off the hop without knowing what had happened between them. Putting herself out there, making herself more vulnerable than she already was, was not what she wanted to do just then.

Dag took her other hand. “Kassidy. Look at me.”

She met his eyes.

“I’m falling in love with you,” he said.

Her heart stopped beating, then started again in painful, unsteady beats. She heard it in her ears; that was all she heard. How could that be? Only yesterday, he’d told her he was in love with Chris.

“I told you I love Chris,” he continued as if recognizing her confusion, fingers moving over hers. “But I didn’t tell you how I felt about you. That these weeks with you…have been special. Your sweetness and caring and generosity–your acceptance of me, just like Chris–you’ve pulled me in. Just like Chris.” A small smile touched his lips. “Both of us. When I told Chris I loved you, I thought he was going to punch me again.”

“Again?” She eyed the purplish mark on Chris’s chin. “Looks like he’s the one who got punched.”

“Yeah. We both landed a couple.”

“Oh, you guys.” She blew out a breath.

“We’re fine. Anyway…”

“You have to tell me more,” she whispered. “Please. I can’t do this.”

They told her more. They told her everything. They told her what she never dared hope or dream she’d hear.

“Doesn’t it kind of make sense?” Dag asked, his fingers moving over hers. “That if Chris loves you, and I love Chris, that maybe I could love you too? We’ve always been attracted to the same girls…”

“So you both slept with them,” she finished dryly. “Most guys would fight over a girl you both like. You two just share her.”

A smile tugged at Chris’s lips. “Well yeah. Isn’t that better?”

She shook her head, trying not to smile back at him, and failing. At one time that idea would have shocked her to her core. Now she just accepted it.

“We love you, Kass. And we…I…” Dag shot Chris a faint smile. “I love Chris and maybe one day he’ll love me too, but for now…we both want the three of us to be together.”

Her heart expanded and softened in her chest, her world brightening, surrounding her with brilliant light and vivid colors. “Really?”

Dag nodded.

She turned to Chris, her question in her eyes and as usual he read it. “Yes. Really.”

She held his gaze long and steady. “Chris…”

He clutched her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I want it, Kass. I want…both of you.”

She sat there for a long moment, everything rolling around in her mind, trying to reconcile it all and make it make sense. She was afraid to hope, because she knew she didn’t deserve what they were offering her. “I don’t know if I can do this,” she finally said.

They both looked back at her with carefully controlled expressions.

“Why not, Kassidy?” Dag asked.

“Everything was such a mess. I should never have done this. I’m not…I wanted adventure, I wanted to be wild and crazy and wicked. Like you. Like Hailey. But I’m not meant for that. I just wanted to be a little bit bad, but people got hurt and now I don’t want to be bad…” Her voice trailed off as her throat closed up, hurting, and she couldn’t talk anymore.

“Kassidy.” Dag lifted her chin and made her look at him. He swam in her vision, swimming in tears. “What we did…that doesn’t make you a bad person.”

She stared back at him, her throat aching painfully.

“You did it out of love. Didn’t you?”

Yes. God, yes. She’d even tried to tell Hailey that once. She gave a small nod.

“Some people might consider what we did bad. But you never intended to hurt anyone, and you’re not a bad person. You’re the most compassionate, giving, sweetest person I know. You care about your sister even when she’s not all that loveable. You look after your parents. You look after us. That’s why I care about you.”

The tears spilled over, scalding hot. She nodded again, a small sob escaping her, her throat relaxing. “Th-thank you.”

“I know this is…unconventional,” he continued. “But I don’t think more love can ever be a bad thing. Lord knows, I haven’t had a lot of love in my life.”

Oh geez. Now he was squeezing her heart in both fists. She struggled to get her voice under control. “But what does this mean? What are we going to do?”

Dag used his thumbs to wipe her tears away, took her hand again, and then, in a gesture she watched with swelling emotion, he reached and took Chris’s other hand too, two big, masculine hands joined, all of them joined together. In a circle. Her throat ached again, ferociously.

“I don’t know, Kassidy,” he said honestly, their eyes meeting. “This is new to all of us.”

“Are you going to stay here?” She looked at Dag.

His lips quirked. “Here, in Chicago? Or here, in your condo?”

Her gaze moved to Chris’s face. “Did you guys talk about this?”

“Not much,” Chris admitted. “We…wanted you to be part of it.”

“Oh.” Her heart expanded even more. “Please stay,” she whispered to Dag, tightening her fingers on his. “Here. With us.”

Dag held her gaze for a few seconds then dropped his eyes. “We need to talk about that. What that would be like.”

She glanced at Chris. “It would be like it has been. The three of us together.”

Dag looked up at her again. “You two are a couple,” he said, his voice low. He looked at Chris then back at her. “I’m not part of that.”

Kassidy’s heart clenched as she understood in a flash how he was feeling and some of her own doubts and fears faded away with her desire to reassure him. “Oh Dag. Apparently we’re not just a couple anymore. We’re a…threesome. All of us.”

He nodded, still looking unsure. She lifted a hand and laid it on his cheek. “Chris told you,” she said softly. “I care about you too, Dag. I don’t understand it myself. I love Chris so much and I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I’m...” She hesitated. No. No more dancing around it. “I’m in love with you too.”

He covered her hand with his and met her eyes again, uncertainty fading into a blaze of emotion in his eyes. He shifted her hand so he could kiss her palm.

“I know how it feels,” he said hoarsely. “Because I feel the same. Loving two people–it’s kind of crazy.”

“I know. But you just said it. More love can never be a bad thing, right?”

“Right. I just think we need to talk about how this will all work.”

“Okay.” She shifted and sat back on the couch, nestled between them. “Let’s talk.”

“Okay. So I move in here and live with the two of you. What will you tell people?” Dag asked

She nibbled her bottom lip. Good question.

Chris groaned. “We can’t tell people. Jesus.”

Dag shot him a look. “You know I don’t give a shit what people think.”

“Dag, man, think about it,” Chris said. “You may think I worry too much about that, about following the rules, about appearances. But it’s not just me…it’s Kassidy too. We work for a big company, people talk.” He paused. “I can’t jeopardize my job. My career.”

Kassidy could just imagine the grapevine at work going berserk with this kind of story. Nice little Kassidy Langdon shacked up with two guys…one of the guys is her boyfriend, and the other is her boyfriend’s boyfriend. And what would they say about Chris? She groaned. “Maybe we just don’t tell them anything. Maybe it’s just our business what happens here in our home.”

The three of them exchanged glances. Dag might be a rebel on the outside, but inside–he wanted what everyone wants. And she and Chris–well, they weren’t rebels, despite this crazy thing they were contemplating. Would Dag understand that?

“They’ll know Dag’s living here,” Chris said.

“Yes. I don’t intend to hide that. But…” She paused. “We don’t have to explain everything.”

“Think about this,” Dag said quietly. “If one of us was hurt, who would be next of kin? You two have a relationship, even if you’re not married. What am I?”

Kassidy licked her lips, a heavy feeling settling over her as she remembered rushing into the ER when her mom had been hurt. They would only let family in to see her. “I don’t know, Dag. But if something like that happened, I’d tell the truth, if it meant not being able to see you if you were hurt, or look after you.”

He nodded and they both looked at Chris. He grimaced and rubbed his face. She sensed the struggle inside him, how much he wanted this, how much he cared for both her and Dag, and yet how he’d been denying his feelings for Dag for so long, now it was hard to admit them. Chris leveled a look at Dag then tipped his head back.

Kassidy sank her teeth into her bottom lip, slanted a look at Dag who waited too for Chris’s response.

“Oh man,” Chris groaned. “Yeah. I’d do the same.”

Kassidy leaned her head into Chris’s shoulder at his words, feeling a little of the tension ease out of Dag’s body pressed against her other side.

“And think about this,” Dag said. “What about children?”

Her eyes flew open wide. “Well, that’s jumping the gun a little.”

“You guys haven’t talked about that? Marriage? Kids?”

She bit her lip and looked at Chris. Of course she’d thought that moving in together was a prelude to marriage. She loved Chris with all her heart and didn’t want to spend her life with anyone else. Well, anyone but Dag. Oh hell, this did complicate things.

“We haven’t really,” Chris said. “But I know you, Kassidy. I know you want marriage. And kids.”

She slid her gaze back and forth between them then nodded. “Yes. I do.” She didn’t want to be a mother yet. But some day, she definitely wanted that. She wanted to have Chris’s baby. And her stomach flipped at the realization that–holy shit–she could see herself having Dag’s baby too. She pressed a hand to her stomach and closed her eyes.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “You’re right, Dag. This is complicated.”

Her mind spun for a moment, trying to envision the future for them. Were they really in this for the long term? Were they really talking about a lifetime commitment and children? How could they raise children in a family like that? Maybe she couldn’t do this. Maybe they were insane for even thinking about it.

But the alternative made her heart hurt and her skin go cold. She opened her eyes. “I don’t know the answers,” she said, voice shaky. “Yes, I want children some day. Are we really talking that far ahead though? Do you guys want kids?”

They both got an identical panicked expression on their faces that maybe should have scared her, but instead amused her and reassured her. She smiled. “You don’t need to look so terrified.”

Dag made a choked noise. “I am terrified,” he said. “Fuck. Commitment? The idea of committing to one person has always freaked me out, never mind two. Talking about having kids? Jesus Christ.”

“You brought it up!”

“I know, I know.”

“I don’t mean having a baby tomorrow,” she said. “Okay, look. Chris and I moved in together. We’ve never really talked about the specifics of getting married or having kids. I think…” She met Chris’s eyes. “I think you want kids some day.” He slowly nodded. “But we were willing to make the commitment of living together without knowing that. This isn’t really that different. We take things one step at a time, right?” She turned to Dag.

He too nodded. “What about your families?” he asked.

She frowned. “What about them?”

“What will you tell them?”

She’d been so freaked out about her parents knowing what she, Chris and Dag were doing, and now here they were discussing making this a permanent arrangement. “We don’t have to tell them. They like you. Maybe after a while, when you’re even more a part of my family, we can sort of…break it to them…”

He nodded, his eyes full of emotion. “Yeah. That could work.”

“No.” Chris spoke up.

She and Dag both swiveled their heads to look at him.

He shook his head. “No,” he said again. “We have to tell them.”

Her breath stuck in her chest. “Chris…”

“My family’s not such an issue,” he said. “They live far away. But I’ll tell them.” His jaw tightened and she could only imagine the guts that would take. Her heart swelled with love for him. “I’ll tell them if they’re coming to visit, or if we go see them.” He met Dag’s eyes. “It’s not fair to you to sneak around and deny your relationship with us.”

Dag’s eyes got very shiny. He reached over and grabbed Chris’s hand in a tight grip.

“People at work are one thing,” Chris continued. “We don’t need to announce anything and it’s our own business. But family…and friends…need to know the truth.” He sucked in a breath. “I know you don’t want to disappoint them, Kass. I know you’ve always been their angel. But they’ll still love you. They might have a hard time understanding at first, but they love you.”

“Christ, man,” Dag said hoarsely. “You’re killing me here.”

A smile flickered on Chris’s lips.

“But Kassidy’s right,” Dag said. “Maybe we should just wait until I’ve been around longer, and ease them into it.”

Kassidy nodded and leaned into Chris.

Chris lifted his chin. “I’d do it,” he said. “I’d tell them right now. But if you think it’s better to wait a while…okay.”

They all nodded.

“I’ll tell Hailey,” Kassidy said. She closed her eyes briefly, thinking about her last conversation with her sister. This time, she knew Hailey wouldn’t judge her or tell their parents before she was ready. Her heart squeezed.

“And one more thing,” Dag said.

Now Kassidy bumped her forehead against his shoulder. “What else?”

“Where am I going to sleep?”

Oh god. That was his question?

“Thank god we bought that king-size bed when we moved in here,” Chris said, echoing her own thoughts, and all three of them laughed.

“Okay,” Dag said.

“Anything else?” she asked Dag.

“Oh probably,” he said, leaning down to brush his lips over her cheek. “Probably a million things. I guess we’ll figure some of it out as we go.”

“We’ll figure it out together,” Chris said.

Kassidy let out a long breath. “Thank you.” Her lips trembled. She could hardly breathe, excitement and joy bubbled up so fiercely inside her. “I was afraid I was going to lose both of you.” Tears blurred her vision.

“I think that’s what we were all afraid of,” Dag said with a rough chuckle. “I was pretty damn sure that’s what had happened to me.”

“Yeah.” Chris sighed. “Me too, dammit.” He rubbed his mouth. Emotion filled his eyes, and even though he hated all this emotional crap, as he would call it, she sensed his relief that things were working out. She also sensed his hesitation, and she knew at that moment, despite his courage at being willing to speak up and tell her parents, he was still afraid, still confused.

She reached up and touched his face. “It’ll be okay,” she whispered, using his own words. “I promise. I’ll be with you.”

He closed his eyes, covered her hand with his and pressed it to his face. “Yeah. I need you, Kass.”

“I’m here.”

She moved into his arms, and he wrapped her up, his body hot and damp with perspiration as if he’d been running miles and miles, and she felt his trembling too. “I love you,” she murmured against his lips. “I love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart, so much.”

His mouth found hers and clung in a long, heartfelt kiss.

Then she turned to Dag, who sat so close, watching with a soft expression on his face. “I love you too,” she whispered. “And thank you.”

He lifted an eyebrow, smiling. “For what?”

“For not being jealous. When I kiss Chris. When we make love.”

“I was jealous of you. At first.”

She drew back a bit. “You were?”

“Hell yeah. When I got here. That night we had dinner. I knew Chris was seeing someone, but I didn’t know you’d moved in together. I had this faint stupid hope that maybe things had changed, but when I saw you, and I saw how much in love with you Chris is…” He hitched a big shoulder. “I was jealous, damn jealous.”

“Oh.” Her chest tightened.

“But…” He reached out and smoothed some strands of her hair back. “It wasn’t long before I was attracted to you too. Which wasn’t exactly what I’d planned, and god knows I didn’t need any more complications in my fucked-up life.”

Her eyes searched inside his, seeing the truth of what he was saying. She turned to Chris. “What about you? You’ve never been jealous of me and Dag.”

He moved his head slowly, side to side. “No. I never have been. I don’t know if I can explain it…” He paused, searching for words. “I feel happy when you’re happy–even if it’s with him. And I want to give to Dag. I feel like I’m giving him something when you and he…make love.”

“And I felt like you were giving me something,” she said with a smile. “Like you’d given me a special gift I didn’t even know I’d wanted.” And she wanted to give him that too. So much.

“There’s no room for jealousy in this,” Dag said in a firm voice. “For any of us. Ever. If anyone ever feels that way, you gotta say something.” And his gaze zeroed in fiercely on Chris.

Chris choked on a laugh, gave him a wry smile. “Yeah, yeah, I know you mean me. Okay, so I’m not good at talking about that. I’ll try to be better.”

Dag tipped Kassidy’s chin up then and kissed her. He tasted of Scotch and the same minty gum Chris tasted of, and she knew then that they’d kissed. A thrill of heat ran through her and her pussy clenched. Dag must have felt it because he deepened the kiss, fingers hard on her jaw, his tongue licking into her mouth, his mouth opening wider on hers.

Her breasts swelled and her nipples tingled. She moved from Dag’s mouth to Chris’s then back again, her hands sliding around the backs of both their necks. “I love you guys,” she whispered, the complete preposterousness of it only a vague brush at the edges of her mind. Time drifted as they kissed and touched, and with her hands on their necks, she brought both their faces closer to hers…closer to each other.

She pulled back, not far, just a bit, all of them breathing the same air, sitting there on the couch. “I want you to kiss again,” she whispered.