Текст книги "Reciprocity"
Автор книги: K. I. Lynn
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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
CHAPTER 23
The day was long, and I was ready to get home. My workout with Jared left me exhausted and in desperate need of a shower. He was pushing me harder, to beat all the pain, fear, and anxiety that consumed me out and into the pads and the bag.
It helped a lot, and I was thankful for another physical release, but it didn’t change the truth. Marconi was coming for us.
In the back of my mind, I’d been working on a contingency plan—a getaway. Working it out in real life without them finding out was harder than I imagined. Who could I trust, and of those few, who wasn’t being watched?
When I stepped into our condo, dread washed over me.
Silent.
Black.
Nothing.
“Lila?”
I closed and locked the door behind me, then set my bag down. Silence remained. Her car was in the parking lot, so I knew she had to be here.
The echo of my footsteps on the tile accentuated the quiet, along with the hammering in my chest. I flipped light switches as I moved through the condo, scanning rooms for anything out of the ordinary. The anxiety rocketed, adrenaline pumping through me as I fought off my fears.
Everything was right where it was supposed to be. I didn’t know if that was good or bad.
Glowing yellow drew me to our bedroom, the light from the bathroom spilling out into the room. Lila sat against the wall. She was biting her lip, her hands tangled together, fidgeting.
“What happened?” I asked, rushing to her side.
She blinked back tears as she slid up the wall. “Nothing… Well, not nothing.”
Her eyes fell down, staring at my chest. A buzzing fear wrapped itself around me. Lila usually told me everything. The only time she’d pause was because she was afraid I’d fly off the handle.
I swallowed hard and raised her head so that our eyes met. “Lila, tell me.”
She was cautious, her expression pleading and scared.
“I’m late.”
I blinked at her, the fear that was building falling from me and my lips twitching up into a smile. The words weren’t foreign—I knew them well. It was another life, so long ago, but the weight of them was the same.
“Really? Do you think…”
She blinked up at me and swallowed. “I took a test. It was positive.”
Her eyes were trained on me, studying my reaction. A smile grew on my face and excitement coursed through me.
Lila was pregnant.
We were going to have a baby.
My hand moved to rest on her abdomen as my mind imagined it ballooning out from her hips, full with my child. The beast in me purred, excited about the development. It was territorial, the possessiveness growing in me—Lila was mine in every way.
Time seemed to stop as reality set in and the duality of the situation reared its ugly head.
The Marconi were watching.
The smile slid from my face. I stared down to where my hand lay. My fingers flexed against her skin as her reaction began to make sense. She was waiting for it, braced for it—my meltdown.
My eyes snapped to hers and I froze, staring at everything I wanted and loved, and feeling the sheer terror of it all being taken away the same horrific way as before. Vincent Marconi wouldn’t hesitate to kill my pregnant wife. In fact, I was certain the symmetry would be poetic in his eyes.
A strangled sound escaped me, and I fell to my knees. My arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight to me. My heart threatened to beat its way out of my chest. It refused to believe it was all happening again.
“We have to go to the doctor,” I said against her skin.
Her fingers moved through my hair, each stroke trying to soothe the crippling fear that was ripping through me, but it couldn’t keep up with the waves of despair.
“I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow.”
I took a deep breath, then nuzzled her stomach. Time had changed me, and for the better. The unexpected was expected. I wasn’t the carefree, naïve man anymore. This time I could protect my world, and I would.
I had to.
My lips pressed against her abdomen as I looked up at her. “I won’t let it happen again.” I stood up and cupped her face as my arm wrapped around her. “No one will take you from me. You’re mine, now until forever. We’re going to be a family. We’re going to be happy. I won’t let anyone take that from us.”
I didn’t give her a chance to respond. My lips crashed to hers, silencing whatever she would say. I needed her to believe me. I would find us a way out.
The desperation fueled my need to have her, to feel her wrapped around me, to consume her. She whimpered against my mouth, nails digging into my shoulders. I growled as I pushed her up against the wall.
I slammed my hips against her, begging for the friction of her body against mine, the calming release for all my ailments, all my anxiety. Celebration for the life we created.
“Fuck.” I pulled back and led her over to the bed. She pulled her cami over her head, leaving herself in only her tiny panties, knowing what was coming next. “Now, bend over, baby.” I pushed on her back, and she bent at the waist, her forearms resting on the bed. I tugged her panties off her ass and slipped a finger in her pussy, making her squirm against me. “Good girl. I’m going to make you come so fucking hard. Have you cream on my cock.” I hissed as I rubbed my clothed cock against her ass. “Mmm, my good little slut loves it when I talk dirty to her.”
She whimpered and pushed back against me. “Yes.”
“Turns you on so much when I call you my whore, my cock slut, doesn’t it?” I pushed my shorts down enough to pull my cock out and slapped it against her ass before sliding it between her cheeks.
“Fuck, yes!”
“Why is that?” I pulled back on her hair, exposing her neck and making her arch against me. I nipped down the column of her neck and latched on at the base.
She cried out and shuddered. “Because I’m yours.”
My cock sunk into her pussy, both of us moaning. “That’s right, baby, mine. My wife, carrying my child.”
I released her hair, my grip moving down to her hips as I rocked into her, my thrusts increasing. Incoherent sounds clawed their way out of me each time my cock bottomed out against her ass. The sight of her pussy stretching out around my cock was hypnotic.
Her pussy walls tightened around me, and I picked up the pace. The angle was always good for her and got her off faster.
“Come for me. Milk me.” I was panting then, groaning as she clamped down. A scream escaped her as she shuddered around me.
I exploded inside her—mind-numbing, white release, my muscles contracting with each pulse of come that emptied into her. A bead of sweat slid down my cheek, my mouth open as I gasped for breath.
All strength left me with the last drops, and I released her, falling back onto the floor. She sunk onto the bed, then slipped to the floor, crawling until she could collapse onto my chest.
“I love you to the end of the earth and beyond,” I said between pants.
She looked up at me and quirked her brow. “The earth is round.”
I snickered. “I love you to the moon and beyond.”
She kissed my chest. “I love you to the rock formally known as the planet Pluto and beyond.”
I ran my hand down her arm. “That’s a long way.”
“Yes, and that’s how much you mean to me—more than this world and all in between.”
I grabbed her face and kissed her, trying to pour all the love I had for her into it. “For all eternity, this life and the next and the one after that, you are mine and I am yours.”
“Always.”
Lila’s hand was clutched tightly in mine as we sat in the sterile environment of her OB/GYN. Neither of us said much to the doctor, just answered her questions, both of us anxious. The answer would change everything. If the pregnancy test was right…
My knee was bouncing, hand rubbing a hole in the back of my neck. The tension was thick, both of us waiting. We’d celebrated, happy to have a baby on the way, but we both needed the definitive proof of a blood test. Maybe then we could make rational decisions on what to do.
Who the fuck was I kidding? I didn’t make rational decisions, not when it came to her. If I did, I would never have given in to the lust and fucked her in our office that night. I wouldn’t have gone to her time and time again. My door would have stayed closed to her. It never would have gotten far enough to know I couldn’t live without her.
Each minute that passed made my agitation grow. What the fuck was taking so damn long?
Another time, long ago, I’d been in the same situation. It was happier then, when I didn’t have a threat hanging over my head. How could I be so fucking stupid? It was bad enough that I allowed Lila to come into harm’s way by being with me, but bringing a baby into the fucked up situation? What the fuck was I thinking? I was asking for Marconi to come after us, more than my actions already had.
But I’d practically begged Lila for a baby. I wanted us to have a family—I wanted everything with her. My nightmares were in full force. The parallel of then and now…
“Mrs. Thorne?” the doctor called from the door, bringing me back from my thoughts.
Neither of us seemed to notice when she entered the small examination room. “Yes?”
She sat down and looked at the two of us. “Well, the test came back. It was negative. You’re not pregnant.”
“But the test…” Lila trailed off as I stared at the doctor in disbelief.
Not pregnant.
I didn’t know whether to sigh in relief or cry. My relief was from knowing Marconi couldn’t take another one of my children from me. Yet, it was laced with torturous pain from a loss that was never there. I wanted it, was so excited about us having a baby, and now I felt…empty. Devoid of something we never had to begin with.
“It was likely a false positive. They are extremely rare, but there is that one percent.”
Lila’s cheeks turned red, likely due to embarrassment, and she looked up at the doctor. “My missed period?”
The doctor nodded. “It sometimes happens if you’ve been on birth control and go off, to miss one soon after as your body regulates itself again.” She gave us a pity smile. “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”
Lila looked up at the doctor. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? User error?”
The doctor nodded. “That’s usually what happens in these rare cases.”
Lila looked between us, distress written all over her face. “I took a shower after taking the test.” She looked down, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. “I couldn’t stand waiting.”
“Tests read after the time on the instructions can lead to a faint positive.”
“Thank you.” I held out my hand, and she shook it.
“Are there any questions you have while you’re here? Any help you need?”
Lila shook her head. “No, that was all.”
The doctor stood. “You still have plenty of time, and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. Okay?”
“Thanks,” Lila whispered.
We followed the doctor down the hall and checked out. Silence filled the space between us. The walk to the car was empty, but as we moved through the parking lot, her head was down, looking to the ground.
“Honeybear?”
“I feel like an idiot.” She sniffed, and her bottom lip trembled.
I shook my head as I cupped her cheeks and lifted her face. Unshed tears welled in her eyes. “You’re not an idiot.”
“Yes, I am! I gave us joy and fear in one announcement that wouldn’t have even happened if I hadn’t been so scared to wait the damn two minutes.” She lost it then, tears spilling down her cheeks. “You freaked out, and I caused you pain.”
“Oh, baby, no. That’s not it at all.” I held her in my arms. “I want us to have a baby, to be a family.”
“The Marconi aren’t going to allow that.”
I had no response, no rebuttal.
The reality of life-threatening danger hung heavy around us both.
Lila—my goddess, my sin, my soul mate. Live together or die together. There was no in between, and the odds were stacked against us.
No more hoping, no more dreaming, only harsh reality. It was a time for action. I had to get my plan going, and it had to be soon.
Time was not on our side—it was running out.
CHAPTER 24
Lila
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, at the dark circles that needed more makeup every day. Insomnia had taken control again, and sleep eluded me. I took comfort in my husband’s arms, but I couldn’t shut my brain off.
What were we going to do? Over a week had passed since we had the pregnancy mishap, and things were only getting worse.
Life was hard for everyone, but it was incredibly atrocious to others. Nathan and I qualified as others. I knew with every cell in my body he was my soul mate. I also knew that fate was a cruel mistress.
“Honeybear, you almost ready?” Nathan called from the bedroom.
“Almost.” I closed up the concealer and brushed on some powder.
My hand trembled, and I clenched it into a tight fist, trying to stop it. I had to keep calm, had to show calm, no matter how badly I was breaking on the inside. Nathan needed me to be strong, and I would be his pillar.
“Ready.” I smiled at him and held out my hand to take his.
I didn’t want to die.
I was happy for the first time in my life. Was it too much to ask to grow old with Nathan?
The tremors got worse with each passing day, and soon I wouldn’t be able to rein them in. He would see the fear I fought so hard to keep from him. The show left me more exhausted every day.
My eyes flitted over to the remnants of what was our home office as I walked toward the door. He destroyed it, obliterated it, telling me the end was near.
He pulled me close and kissed my forehead as we rode down to the ground floor. “I have to go to the Hamilton County courthouse today, so I won’t be able to go to lunch.” His voice was tight.
“Okay.” I leaned my head on his shoulder, soaking him in.
We headed out to the parking lot and got in the car. He eyed me and pursed his lips.
“What?”
“Can you order lunch in today?”
I wanted to object. I wanted to tell him everything was okay.
But I couldn’t.
“Sure. Caroline and I can take over your office.” I elbowed his arm and smiled.
Why couldn’t we be left alone? Ever since we’d met, wave after wave of hurdles crashed in front of us and we cleared them all, together. The one in front of us now loomed over, casting a shadow and making it almost impossible to attain freedom.
Eggshells. We were walking around avoiding everything in a strange dance, all out of fear. Part of me wanted them to kill us and get it over with, to end the anxiety that ruled our lives. The other part begged for another day, hour, minute—I never wanted to leave him.
Instead, I squashed both feelings and aimed for calm obliviousness. My act fooled him because he was so trapped in his own anxiety.
When we arrived at the office, I pasted on a smile and wrapped my arms around his arm. “What should we do this weekend?”
Rule one—keep smiling and upbeat. Rule two—always talk about the future, no matter how close.
He swallowed. “I was thinking we could go for a drive. Maybe get away.”
“That would be fun.” I smiled, trying not to let on I knew the double meaning in his words.
The kiss as we separated for our own offices held an edge as they all did of late—passion—like it would be the last.
“I’ll see you later, Honeybear. Love you.”
“Love you.” I gave him another soft kiss before he turned and headed down the hall.
When I sat at my desk, I leaned forward and covered my face, trying to gather myself. I pulled my phone out and opened up the email app—something I couldn’t do with Nathan around.
“Shit.” Another one popped up, sent at three that morning—surveillance shots with a time stamp. It was from the same address the other three had come from, each with a photo of Nathan and me coming and going. They’d been coming in for weeks. Marconi’s guys knew our schedule.
I marked it as unread and closed out of the app—I didn’t want Nathan to know I was reading his email. He kept me in the dark for my safety, but I wasn’t going to stay there. He was my husband, my life, and I wasn’t going to let them surprise me—surprise us.
“Morning!” Owen’s smile helped to calm me, his happiness infectious.
“Good morning.”
He set his bag down and took off his jacket—it was unseasonably cool.
“Brrr.” He shook off the cold. “It’s a hot coffee kind of morning. Want some?”
I smiled up at him. “That would be great. Thanks.”
“No problem, partner.”
The moment he was out the door, I picked up the burner phone Noah bought a month ago and dialed the number I’d called every day for the past few months—Noah’s own burner phone. I peered out the door, keeping a lookout for anyone coming.
“Hello?”
“How’s it looking?”
There was a pause, then a sigh on the other end—a very bad sign. Usually he had little to report, and it was mostly the changing of guard. A prickling sensation moved across my skin.
“Lila, it’s time to consider leaving.”
My heart stopped, my body going cold. “What’s happening?”
“I don’t know, but it’s not good.”
I swept a hand over my face, unable to keep the façade up, shaking like I was going to come undone.
“Did you get another gun yet?”
I nodded, not that he could see. “It’s in my purse.”
“Does he know?”
“No.” My voice broke.
“Are you going to tell him?”
Tears welled in my eyes. “Not right now.”
“You need to, because if you don’t, I will.” The low tone in his voice told me how serious he was.
Everything was spiraling out of control.
I popped another pill, hoping it would calm me before I broke out into a full-blown panic attack. My hand gripped the edge of the sink harder, trying to suppress everything.
Dr. Morgenson didn’t like the state either of us was in, or upping both our dosages so we could make it through the day. It was an unfortunate necessity. Even he knew therapy wasn’t going to help us, and the drugs would help get us through the days ahead…however many there were left.
The reflection in the mirror hardly resembled me. Maybe it was the florescent lighting of the office’s restroom, but the terror clawing at my insides looked like it found an outlet.
My eyes sealed tight as I fought to gain control. Deep, even breaths helped, but they still couldn’t stop the shaking. I let out a harsh breath and looked down at the sink, at the phone that sat there, and the message from Noah that stared back at me.
Vincent Marconi is on his way here.
I bent over further as a dry heave ripped its way through me.
What were we going to do?
The door swung open, startling me, and Caroline stepped in. She stopped as soon as she saw me, her eyes widening. Her course changed from the stall to me.
“What’s wrong?” She stopped in front of me, worry filling her face.
Tears filled my eyes, and I picked up the phone and handed it to her.
“Did you get a new phone?” She was confused as she searched for the button to light up the screen. Her eyes scanned it, and she gasped as it registered. “Lila?”
“It’s a burner phone.”
“Burner phone? What the hell? Are you a criminal now?”
I shook my head. “No. With them watching us, I was sure they were monitoring our phones as well. Noah picked this one up for me, and he’s the only one that has the number. He’s been keeping me up to date on the things Nate keeps from me.”
“Jesus Christ… I… Does this mean what I think it means?”
I nodded.
Her brow scrunched. “What do you mean by ‘keeps from you’?”
I shook my head and let out a strangled chuckle. “You know him. He wants to protect me, keep me calm, so he takes the burden on himself and doesn’t tell me everything.”
“And here you are hiding a phone from him. Double standard much?”
“Because I have to keep him calm.” My face scrunched up and my arms wrapped around my waist. “He’s so far gone. Worse than when we met.”
She sighed. “Because it’s happening again.”
I nodded. “He swings between destructive anger, depression, extreme anxiety, and hard passion in a span of five minutes.”
She pulled her arms up and matched my stance. “Fuck. I didn’t even notice he was that messed up.”
“He’s not as bad at the office and can hide it better here.”
“What are you going to do? If he’s coming, you’re running…right?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. Running isn’t going to help. They’ll find us.”
“Are you sure?”
“Where would we go?”
She threw her arms up in the air. “Anywhere! Just go. Leave.”
I sighed. My brain whirled around all the things we would need to do. What was worse was that I didn’t even believe myself when I thought it could be done.
The morning was shit, and the afternoon wasn’t looking any better, especially when Owen came back from the break room with empty cups. At least the meds I took were helping and the tightness in my chest had eased.
“Let’s go get some coffee,” Nathan called from the door, startling me.
Shit.
I forced a smile, hiding the festering news as I looked up from the file I’d been buried in, watching him as he strode in. “A break?” I turned in my chair to face him as he walked around my desk.
He nodded. “The coffee machine is broken, so I thought I could pull you away and take a break with my wife.”
I quirked a brow at him. “You of all people should know we don’t take breaks.”
“Yeah, but, as I said, there’s no coffee. How are you going to get your caffeine fix?”
I pursed my lips. He was right—I’d go into withdrawal.
We headed out, promising to bring back one for Owen, and walked the few blocks to the coffee shop.
Nathan’s smile was forced as he looked down at me. My smile was forced as well. We were both keeping things from each other, and more than just the anxiety.
“So, do I get some special cream for my coffee today?” My attempt at banter sounded like I was trying too hard to my own ears, but his lip twitched. It may have been a poor go, but it did its job of giving levity to the air around us.
“I’m sure we could arrange that.” His arm wrapped around me, holding me close as we walked.
He tried not to be obvious, but I caught his gaze moving around, looking for them. I pulled myself tighter into him, knowing time was a precious commodity.
There was a small line when we entered, and I decided to forgo my usual regular coffee and go for something sweeter—a white mocha. Nathan paid, and we moved down to wait. His ring tone blared from his pocket, and he pulled his phone out, his brow scrunching as he looked down at the screen.
“Sorry, I have to take this.” His lips pressed against my forehead, then he turned and headed for the door, putting the phone up to his ear.
His back was to me as I stared out the window at him. He’d been so stressed lately. Nightmares, anxiety, anger. Every day he got closer to snapping, and I wondered when it would come, or if the Marconi would get us first. In light of my text from Noah, I knew the answer.
I blew out a breath and turned back to the counter to grab our drinks along with a carrier. My cheeks heated as I set them down to add the creamer to Owen’s. Nathan’s kinky stunt made me blush every time I’d gotten a coffee since then.
Once completed, I grabbed the cups and headed toward the door, but he was missing.
My heart stopped, and everything began to move in slow motion.
The carrier slipped from my hands, but I was already racing out the door, not caring that the hot liquid splashed on me as they hit the floor.
Panic gripped me as my vision narrowed in on him. His eyes were wide, searching around while his hands shook and his breath came out in clipped pants, face flush with anger. The phone that had once been in his hand was shattered on the ground—the glass cracked, the back popped off, and the battery lying a foot away.
People were staring at him with whispered words, wondering what was going on. There was an officer approaching, and I quickened my pace to his side.
“Nathan, what’s wrong?”
His angry eyes snapped to mine, then he wrapped his arms around me, turning us so that his back was to the street.
“I’ll protect you.”
“From what? Baby, what happened?”
“I’ll protect you.”
“You’re scaring me. What aren’t you saying?”
His jaw was clenched tight and he cursed when he looked down at his phone before bending over to pick up the pieces.
“We need to go.” He grabbed my arm and took off at a brisk pace that I was almost unable to keep up with.
I stumbled more than once, trying to keep up while wearing heels. “Where are we going?”
“Anywhere but here.” He shook his head, cursing under his breath.
I tugged back on my arm, yanking it free. He turned, annoyed, and reached for me again.
“No! What happened? Who called you?”
His face scrunched. “Noah called. Tom Preston was shot at lunch.”
I gasped. “Is he okay?”
“He’s alive, for now.”
Stunned silence took hold. What were we going to do?
“Give me your phone.”
“What?”
“I have to call Jack.”
I handed it over and got lost in my thoughts as he talked to Jack and our pace picked back up. I didn’t understand before, when we met, when I was told, my own naiveté clouding everything. It wasn’t just Nathan they were after. Everyone involved was marked.
A chill moved down my spine. Would they ever stop? I knew the answer—it was clear as day.
When we were all dead.
